My head is throbbing. No one understands. There is a dark acid in my brain, eating away at my core. It takes all my will and all my strength to keep it at bay, and still it sometimes floats to the surface.
Sometimes I know, sometimes I do not.
This has happened alot lately.
A few seconds ago, my mind was on fire. I wanted to bathe in blood. I wanted to eat flesh. To skin endangered animals. Evicerate children. Speed a hundred and fifty miles an hour in the side of a gas truck. I wanted fire, death, pain, and destruction to befall the world.
But the funny thing is....during all of this hatred (for my not understanding.), I still never even thought........of hurting you. Not once.
There are somethings thatI could never get mad enough to do. No matter how full of rage. I would kill myself before laying a finger in your direction.
It faded back to the dull throb that is in my head. Ever present and never ceasing.
I wish I could show you.. I wish I could help you understand..
Dragon*Con.
Yes. THAT one. I getta go with Amie, Jesse, Rini, Brian, Shannon, and Ernie. Four days.
Sweet, sweet nectar.
Brian and Shannon have been quite a few years in a row, and he told me alot of the funny stories. Also, aparently, Tom Savini will probably be there. That would be really cool to meet him, considering I'll be going to his school in PA. Also, Spike from Buffy is gonna be there...as well as some band he's in. (Maybe it'll be a Billy Idol tribute band. :b )
Costumes are going to be simple ones, because I have no money for anything elaborate, since I'm unemployed. Most likely a Griffindore student of Harry Potter fame, perhaps a Hobbit ala Lords of the Ryhmes, and I need two others....but that can be made cheaply. VERY cheaply. ;)
I'm gonna make a wand for myself and Amie, and i still want to make a Card Captor Sakura capture wand. I'm going to buy and make all that from wooden dowels. I also want to make a lightsabre. (With a pink blade, no less.)
I'd wanna cosplay someone from Jet Set Radio Future, since I just got the game a few days ago and am infatuated with it. Only problem, me being a nerd and not knowing what Athletics means.. (in the Real sense, I know about the White Wolf version, however. Unfortunitly, I have no dots in it..) ..roller-blading is a complete no-no. I'll break something, be it a table or my legs. I want to cosplay Agent Smith eventually, but I need to get his replica glasses and a Desert Eagle I have my on for around $80. That costume would be easy otherwise. I have a suit that will go nicely. I need to get more suits when I'm not financially impaired. The lightsabre would go with a Sith apprentice Idea I've been kicking around for a possible incarnation in a movie that Brian would make. I still wanna do Resident Evil cosplay...and almost everyone too.. First would probably be Wesker, followed by Rebecca (after i drop a few pounds, cause I'm fat.), Chris, Jill, and Steve. (And if I ever get slightly toned like I wish, then Billy too.) Probably one day I'll just do some makeup effects on myself and go as a rocognizable zombie from a cutscene or something. I have a STARS Berretta, which is awesome by the way, but for Steve I'd need to find two cheap springer Mac 11's. (And that god damn collar, I've been searching weeks for a watch that even resembles it so I could put it on a collar.) Plus, I still need the Mother Frelling STARS patches. I need at LEAST two. Cripes, I've seen knock-offs on eBay for for like $35+. It's sickening. I also wanna cosplay Uni-brow guy from Real Bout Highschool, whom's name escapes me at 3:30 in the morning. I'd REALLY want someone to cosplay the samurai girl with me though, that'd make for fun. Sailor Uranus would be fun. I still want a winter uniform Card Captor Sakura costume. (Which later I can deck out as my Counter-Strike Alter-ego Sakura-Likes-Firearms.) I'm going to get a SWAT-like uniform for when I go and play airsoft, after I get some more guns, but it'll be fun for just going to the mall and con's with as well. I'd be a really short SWAT member....maybe like the short Stormtroopers. Wait....that was Luke.
Anyways, I'm going to be putting money away for schooling and a computer. Brian is going to build one for me, most likely. After that, it's probably gonna bea Trans Am for my Knight Rider project. And a little here and there for an airsoft fund. Because I would kill for a JAC Colt M4a1, JAC Steyr AUG, and a Toytec FN P90. That would be BEYOND awesome. Those guns out perform ANY stock peice of AEG trash. Even with an uber-expensive AEG, you still can't get around that sewing machine noise, and non-working charging levers. I've been looking for a old-school MP5k, I know JAC made several MP5 variants.
I noticed I ramble when I post.
Ramble-ramble.
Man....being a huge horror genre fan, and makeup effects bitch, i thought the film was 'okay' at the very most. It had SO much potential...but it seems to me that almost all the money went into simply having the streets of London cleared.
I was so amped up to see this movie. "A new chapter in Zombie horror!" "Reinventing the Zombie Genre!" "So scary I needed three pairs of britches!"
Horseshit. Lies, upon lies.
Understanding that it was independant, I figured 'Well, it'll probably be a plot driven homage to Romaro.' But alas, I was deadly wrong. Turbo Zombies seemed like a good idea. Turbo ZOMBIES that is. Not really, really pissed people. 'Rage' as it is called, simply over-ran the brain with adrenaline, giving a chemical rage to the victim, and letting them run on base instincts.
This again sounds good. But when these 'angry people' (whom are not dead, by the way) attack, they simply scratch and vomit blood.
HOW CAN ONE HAVE A ZOMBIE MOVIE WITH NO EATINGOF FLESH?
I asked myself this several times throughout the movie, and my question was never answered. And this Scary part they speak of....where was that? There wasn't even SUSPENSE, in the movie.
Hell, the only reason it was rated R was because they said fuck more times that I could count. Every encounter involved a zoomed in camera, that was far to close to appreciate any sort or combat between man and 'zombie'.
And the happy ending. That was by far the WORST part. How does one live....let alone escape INFECTION (of the normal breed.) from a point blank 9mm gunshot to the *stomach*. They had no medicine. They wrapped some cloth around it...and he was okay? I wish real life was like that.
So those are my gripes with it. It had so much potential, but it was all thrown away for a more 'realistic' approach...I guess. But the camera work for theencounters was unforgivable. That is the easy way out of special effects. "Well...I don't want to pay a makeup artist.......so zoom in, dim the lights, move around really fast...and Jim, pour on half a galon of stage blood....Excellent!"
It's an okay movie, not terribly enthralling. The plot and character development are weak. The main guy is being caring (at the beginning.), and the black girl is being mean (at the beginning...)...thats about as far as it goes.
Horror in general goes one of these ways. Spooky enthralling, mysterious plot. Insanely beautiful and grotesque makeup effects and violence. Lightly making fun of itself, or a dark humor. Or the realistic 'Scream' era serial killer nonsense.
This was none of that. I was speechless at the end. I couldn't even tell whether the feeling inside my stomach was the Rage virus (For paying for two tickets.) or the simple sickness of seeing a film so anticipated be so disapointing.
I wouldn't recommend this as any sort of entance into horror or zombie movies in general. This is a lighthearted tale of two star-crossed lovers.....and an estranged daughter that neither are related to.
Now excepting all comers.
Victory?
Perhaps. Reading old stuff from people I don't like on LJ is funny. Heh. Especially when certain 'scene' children believe they know everything there is to know about music, but know nothing. (The same kids that abhor 'fashion' and the 'in-crowd'. But little do they realize that they are the 'in-crowd'. Something is wrong with your 'hardcore' image when you shop at the gap for goofy looking hats and scarfs for your back pockets.)
Getting a new job. That'll be nice. More money, probably less work. Works for me. I have plans for two custom cars in the works. (K.I.T.T. still being one.) But I'll probably be a Knight before I'm a turbo-racer, considering the money for the latter project. (A Turbo-charged Honda Civic, two door. It'll be a looker when it's done.) My Father has been talking about starting a custom car shop soon, and may end up buying a warehouse if things work out. The good thing about that? Factory prices for Niko. Alot of things drop to almost half price. And some things we can get for free, as my car would be a showpiece while I worked, advertising different companies parts. (I might be able to work the Knight replica like that too.) Police auction Civic's are cheap too. I love dope fiends for that reason, and that reason only. They can have the blow, I'll take the car.
In other news, Nadia has been living with me for about two weeks. She's probably going to be leaving soon though, because her Mother wants her to come home. There were some altercations between certain family members that landed her on her doorstep, and then into my car and home. It was kind of funny though, we had taken a brake from our relationship a few days prior, clearing the air of our 'title' to alleviate some frustrations. Day before we reconciled and everything turned out better than before, then, I get to play host to her for a while. I'll be sad to see her go home though. (Cause I'm greedy. I wanna keep her! ;) ) But we've done so much fun stuff recently. It's nice knowing that I don't need to tear ass back to her house to get her home on time every evening, I just take her home with me whenever we get there. My Nadia is the best. :D
I'm a grad now. Not walking. (I care little about the rest of my senior class, and the experience isn't as 'Kodak Moment' to me as to other people. I did go to Prom, however. I have some pictures of us before we left. Nadia looks so beautiful. And I'm....er....me. But in a suit. Whenever I get back into online RPing again, I'll grab an image host and post them here.
What else? I got an Xbox, and Enter the Matrix. (Already beat it as Ghost a few days ago. Haven't started Niobe yet.) It has an awesome preview for the next movie before they roll credits. It is by far one of themost entertaining games I've played recently.
Nadia and I went to the comic book store today. We got dice for her to play D&D; with, and a new d20 for me to make a necklace with. (I know, I know. NERD.) I saw Keith there. He aparently WORKS there. I had no friggin' idea! 411 is Keith is one of the guys that Mel cheated on DJ with. I'm not quite sure of the whole situation on that, but I know DJ and Robbie hang out there alot...but I dunno if DJ knows that he is THAT Keith. I don't even know if Keith knew that Mel had a boyfriend....or that she was doing his bestfriend too. (Some british sounding kid.) You wouldn't think there would be a soap opera involving a comic book store and an arcade.(Mainly around a DDR machine.)
Got the new Marilyn Manson album! It's a throwup between the new album and Mechanical Animals as which is my favorite Manson Album now. Probably MA for mellow listening, and GAotG for rokkin and rolein'. Yer iNDUSTRIAL iph you right liek this. Kaus eim fukking perfekt.
But the wordplay on the album is brilliant. Bravo Mr. Manson. Another gem.
I'm going to go put some pants and a shirt on now, get to go see Nadia on her break. do you think I can get something with a dollar bill? A fat lip, Biznotch. Thats what.
Peace out.
Purfukt lil Niko.
Thanks you guys that posted...but things took another turn yesterday. My mother called me when I was in the car with Holly and Nadia on the way to Rainer Maria, crying and calling me an asshole because my Father changed his mind on the agreement that he wrote up. (Basically saying that she can have everything, money from the sale of the house, all the mutually owned things, and we'd leave with our stuff.) They went to the VA and the women they spoke with basically said that if they went to court the my Father would be entitled to everything since he's on a fixed income and has a dependent. (Me.) So now we get to keep the house...but my Mother still lives here because she dosen't have enough money to move, but my Father agreed to help her out eventually when he refinances the house again. This aparently all came to pass because my Father read me the agreement and asked if I thought it was fair. Her getting everything and us getting our possesions. So, I said it wasn't, because when a divource is filed everything is split. Now aparently everyone thinks I 'sided' with my Father.
What the fuck? They don't even treat me like a god damn human anymore. I'm just a fucking pawn. My Father just butters me up trying to get me to say bad things about my Mother, and my Mother barely even talks to me unless she's bitching about him. This is why I've sat in my room for half my life, not wanting to be around them. I don't understand either of their views, but I don't know the whole story.
Whatever. I'm still here. Things have been quiet for a few hours, for once. Maybe my Father will stick to his word and refinance the house, just to get her out of here. Everyone will be happier.
And I'd prefer that this didn't get to anyone apart from the people reading it. Because my Mother will accuse me of slandering her or something.
Well, looks like i get to start packing up all my shit. Parents decided that they're going to get devorced, sell the house, and move...somewhere. :b Great plan, hmm? So within a few monthes I'll be out of a home, probably living out of some shitty apartment with my Father. I've never *not* had a house to come home to, so this is going to be a weird adjustment for me. It's going to suck packing too, because I never throw anything away, so actually THROWING shit away, because I won't have room, is going to be weird too. I have to peel all my posters and stuff from my walls. I have alot of clothes that don't fit me, to big, if any of you want them. I'll probably just give the random figures I have in boxes to one of my crew, as I'd never end up selling them anyway. I guess I should start downsizing my stuff now, it'll be easier to pack later.
Awwwww...I had another great evening with Nadia. We hit a little hitch in the middle, but I think it was good that it happened, it gave me a chance to prove something. But we went to McDonalds after school to get Nadia Burger's (Extra everything, no meat! Woo!) and then went home and ended watching The Cell. *Scene Deleted* Then we went to Stake and Shake and I gots a Root Beer Floatand cheesy fries, and she got a Chocolate Milkshake and the worst spaghetti ever! It was seriously like pasta with Spaghettio's sauce in it.. Ewww.. But then I took her home, and I just got around to posting now. I'm sitting around, posting a bit on the Sanctum, and waiting for Conan to come on. Mmmmmm...Conan..
And I tried to make Mp3.com work, so I can hear Virginia is for Lovers, but the bastard only let me hear thirty seconds...and then I tried to download them and the browser froze.. *Shakes his fist at Mp3.com.) So, maybe Danny, you could email some of them to me. Just Zip them, it'll be easier that way. I thank you!
Look! Thanks thanks! ;)
Babies don't sleep this well...
Friday night was the greatest. At school, Nadia and I were trying to plan out what was going to get done, but I only had about thirty dollars for the evening, and she had none. So, sadly, we figured that we couldn't both go to dinner AND see Daredevil, and since her Mom said to be home as soon as possible that meant we had only about three hours. So I was bummed out for most of the day until after school and she came in happy and said she forgot about two ten dollar gift certificates she had for Caraba's (sp?). So we went to her house to get the certificates and for her to change, then we went back to my house so I could show her the record player I got her and for me to call Regal. The movie started at 4:15, and it was like 3:45. So we left, thinking we'd get there just in time.
So at the exit to get to Regal, there was this Police SUV stopped, so I figured there was some 'Police buisness' goin' down, so I switched lanes to swerve around him, finding that there were like 100+ cars stopped. So, instead of stopping in the lane and waiting for someone to let me in, and causeing a potential death trap, I went to the next exit. When we got to the intersection to go to Regal, we were already about fifteen minutes late. Curses! I'm certainly not missing previews for this, so we ended up just hanging out in that Publix Plaza. We parked by the Kmart and paused outside, decinding where to go. Nadia had to pee, so we went into the Kmart and walked back to layaway. As I waited outside for her, an announcement came on saying something to the affect of 'Toys now an extra 25% off, as well as clothing and *something else* at 20% off!'. Confused as to why, I glanced down one of the ailse's to see like a billion 'Store Closing' and 'Everything must go!' signs. Holy crap, I have to be the most unperceptive person EVER! Anyway, we went to look at toys and makeup. We were walking and Nadia is like 'Damn, my underwear is really up my ass, I shouldn't have worn this thong, it's annoying me.' So I followed her into this random aisle with clocks. She started to hike up her skirt, me, thinking she's simply adjusting her panties let my eye get caught by cheap black lights, I picked one up to see they were only like eight bucks, and had a car adapter. Pleased with my discovery, I turned to show her. I found her bent down with her hands at her ankles, then standing up and tossing her panties in her purse. 'That's better.' she says. I just stood there staring her like 'Oh my god!' 'What? Oh my god in a bad way?' 'No...just....er..I didn't think you were gonna do that..' 'They were bothering me!' 'Freak..'
Hehe, I don't think that is going to be forgotten for a long time. Anyway, we went to more random stores, one of which was closed that we're going to go to on Monday. The 'Candy and Toy Store' that has a hella lot of Hello Kitty stuff. But we got subway for a snack, in which I thought I left my money at home, but Nadia had actually took it from me and put it in her bra. After the plaza, we went to see when the next movie was. We had about forty minutes to spare, which we spent in my car. *Scene deleted* We got back to the theatre about five minutes before it started and procured our seats. All I'm going to say about Daredevil is it is absolutely AWESOME! After seeing it I didn't even mind that they made the Kingpin about four hundred pounds lighter and black. Ben Affleck is awesome in the roll of Matt Murdock, and both Stan Lee and Kevin Smith have cameo's! (Stan was expected, Kevin was a surprise!) And wait after the movie through the credits for an easter egg.
After being awestruck for about thirty minutes after the movie, we headed to Caraba's, where we waited forty minutes for a table. Nadia called her Mom as we left to beg for more time. Her Mom said to come home whenever. How nice! She's coming around! :D With nothing to do Nadia and I can just have fun. Just sitting there we rambled on about the movie and Blinky Coasters of Death. We were seated and we had the nicest waiter ever. He asked us if we wanted anything to drink, handing me the wine menu. We just ordered soda and iced tea. As he left, Nadia was like 'That was funny, cause in this light you look about ten years older. And you look like some rockstar or something.' She had on this pinstriped top with a white shirt under it and her thin glasses, so I was like 'Well you look like my manager.' So then we got into another of our exagerated stories, in which I used my 'Groady, British, Rockstar' voice. Hehe, to much fun. We ate and just talked for at least two hours. I ended up taking her home a few minutes before twelve.
I thought about it when I got home, if I had made the turn and we got to the movie earlier, the evening would have probably ended in a more physical fashion, judging by deleted scene. But it wouldn't nearly have been as special. I'm glad I missed the turn.
I just got back from picking up Nadia from work. We went to Wal*mart to get a blank shirt for a protest thing she's going to on Saturday, which she was short a few dollars for. Anyway, when we're leaving she's like 'Stay right here, *trust me*.' and runs off. She goes into one of the lines and quickly waves to some guy, then runs back to me. Eh? Upon asking whom it was that she waved to, she says 'It's not important.'
Erm.. I don't know about you guys, but any other answer would have sufficed, from 'old boyfriend' to 'a guy that has a crush on me', anything. Why she wouldn't tell me just made me bother her more, I don't really care, it's just the principle of the thing. Why she needs to keep it 'secret' if it isn't really important. If it isn't important, then what's so difficult about telling me? It's not like I'm going to go into a steroid rage and go beat him up for whatever reason, I'd just prefer my girlfriend not keeps secrets from me. (However inane.)
She could have simply said 'A guy I know.' and I would have dismissed the whole situation, but now I have to know what's so important that she can't tell me. :b
Oh well, maybe she'll come around and tell me. Maybe not. I just thought it was a tad messed up.
On a different note, I started a new project at school. I'm painting medium sized portraits of the main four heroes of Recalibrated. I'm going to mat them in one huge mat, and paint the title across the center. I have Aiko done already, and Niko's head, and flesh tones on Kayoko and Kiki.
And look! It's my ugly mug! :D
Man, my Dad seriously know's like everyone on this side of the country that does anything having to do with cars.
Anyway, I was watching Knight Rider earlier and thought, 'Man, I've always said I want to build a Kitt replicar, but how soon could I actually DO it? How much might it cost?' Well, I did some searching after the show ended, and found alot of information on custom noses, scanners, and dash assemblies. The one site had alot of really cool stuff, and I'm planning on saving up for the full dash from them, but college is definately coming first. (Because the full version is about five thousand.) The car itself (an '82 Pontiac Trans-Am.) will only run about four-five thousand, and I can get about four out of my Toyota Corolla. The nose and scanner combined will be about fifteen hundred. (Which IF I had a job wouldn't take *to* long to save up.) Those are the only main things I need for a while, because the Dash, unless I find a cheaper equally good alternative, can wait. But I also had a really funny idea.. Since I'm planning on putting dual nitro tanks in it, I want to hook the toggle electronically to the 'Turbo Boost' button. Plus my Dad is excited that I'm interested in something regular guys are interested in. :b So he's going to help me. (So that means I'll probably end up getting a Trans-Am for even less then I'm expecting.)
Friday is Valentine's Day, and instead of taking my girlfriend Nadia out for a romantic evening, I'm taking her with me to see Daredevil. I swear, it's good for me that a hot girl like her is so tolerant of me being a loser and a geek.
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Why do I argue with people so god damn much? I'm an asshole. I don't even have very many friends, but those I do I seem to constantly argue with about inane, stupid things that shouldn't be argued about! What the hell is my problem!? Tonight I worked my 'opponent' to tears, for what cause? I don't even fucking know. Other than the fact that I'm an insensitive asshole. I don't understand my actions, I don't even comprehend things I do until after I do them.
I don't deserve someone like you..
My faith in John Woo was restored earlier tonight. I finally got to see his best work in 'Hard-Boiled'. Chow Yun-Fat delivers steller stunts and gunplay, as always. (And with no wires! Bravo Chow! :D ) But since this movie was from '95, the plot was very wavy, and the dubbed version was unbearable. (I had to watch it again with subs by myself, as my father is to lazy to read them. ;) ) I think me and some friends could have done a better job at dubbing it. Regardless, it was leaps and bounds better than newer Woo films like 'Broken Arrow' and 'Face-Off.' Save, I have nothing against John Travolta, he's great in 'Swordfish'.
But, on with the run down. It's in typical Hong Kong Action movie style, zillions of badguys against two cops. Only about two double-gun scenes. (With WAY more than fifteen shots in each gun, mind you.) Shotgun effects are a little over the top (Since when do mailboxes exploded with flames when blasted by some buckshot?) but at least they aren't as underplayed as in some other movies.
There were a couple scenes that left me with a grin on my face. Only wishing that there were more modern guns. (As there are mainly Chinese built and typical 80's guns in the film.) It would have been nice to see some FN p90's or a Steyr AUG or two. But, for the year it was a wonderful film. Break it out at the next hang-out, it will be enjoyed purely for its action. (And the last forty minutes are full of laughs and smiles. Suffice to say, that section alone has about five thousand spent cartidges.)
I give Hard-Boiled five bullet riddled Triad corpses.
Boo-yah! :b
(Oh yeah! And this little P.S. goes out to a special someone! You know lieing is wrong, right? Do you know that lieing to people that think that you're their friend is even worse? Yeah, it is! I don't know what you're trying to gain by messing with this someone's emotions, or why you even care about me or my life in the first place. But perhaps you should try telling the truth? Or is that not interesting enough? Who knows. I'm sure your friend believe's everything, because he's to blind by his own suit of self-pity and blame to realise that he's just a socially inept ass-clown. I bid you adieu.)
*Cries*
I'm sick and I just typed up a long post of the Halo thing with Joey and stupid me didn't copy it and stupid LJ didn't load the post page and then deleted it..
Ugh..I'll post it later if I feel better..
A GIANT hug goes out to Amie for my new background! Thank you!! :D
Holy F. This morning Nadia and I were talking about alot of things that were discussed last night, mostly about our current relationship, and how I was to afraid to make it into the kind that we both really wanted. Alot of things she said had changed my mind about the whole, 'I can't 'cause of college.' Utilizing the time we have left together, I asked her to be my girlfriend. Well, or let me be her boyfriend, either way..
But now I'm going to leave you, Cats and Kittens, before my teacher eats my face.
Yay! He's so cute! ^_^ Aimee got him for me for christmas, but I put the cutesy bracelets and necklace on him. I'm still waiting on her to call me back, as she is out somewhere. Figures, like one of the few times I bother to call anyone. :b
I've been sick lately with some cold or something.....probably plauge. As long as Lymph Nodes don't start swelling, I'm sure I'll be okay. I finished the painting for Nadia, which I thought turned out okay. Looking at it now there are things I can still catch that need to be fixed...but she loves it anyway. We only have a few more weeks of this High School thing, and I really need to finish a few more peices that I'm okay with. I have some idea's floating around, I just need a little help in developing them.
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