| this is some serious gourmet shit |
[17 Mar 2004|09:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
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chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Beta Band - Dry The Rain |
] |
With Cortney leaving for Florida today, and Stu moved out (but talking to me again), I will have the house to myself untill Tuesday. Oh yeah. What am I going to do with myself?
I know. I'll have one of my sexy parties!
*puts on captians hat*
*queues Benny Hill music*
PS. If anyone is inclined, Mr Brewer I'm looking in your direction, Mike and I will be doing a little St. Patty's day celebrating over at my place. Anyone who is inclined is more than welcome to come on over.
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| she pours herself a drink of gin. she likes the booze cuz it keeps her thin |
[16 Mar 2004|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tom Jones - Shes A Lady |
] |
Yeah, the test was for my Maine State Inspectors license. Did I pass? Nooooo... Failed by three questions. Kind of a bummer I guess. Considering how much time I had into studying that damn book. There are two parts to the test. The administrative, which covers everything except for the actuall inspection of the car, and then the Class A test, which is all the car specific guidelines. You need to pass the administrative test first. I did not pass the administrative test. That test was a totall bastard. I'd say maybe 75% of the people that took the test failed it. Most of the ones that passed, had failed it last time around. It isn't that the questions are very difficult, just worded poorly I thought. When you are dealing with somthing as subjective as passing or failing a car, the criteria for wich varies from car to car (different makes have different amounts of allowed suspension play, brake tolerances etc...), its hard to give a good answer to a true or false question. One question that I got wrong, that I maintain I should have gotten right was regarding where to put the sticker on the windshield. In the manual it says that you should put the sticker behind the mirror, unless the customer would rather it be in the lower left corner. Either place is fine. If the vehicle doesn't have a windshield the sticker can be stapled to the registration. Ok. The question went: True of False, upon completion of the inspection, the inspection mechanic must put the sticker behind the rear view mirror of the vehicle. I said false, since there are other choices. Not the case apparently. "By default you should put it behind the mirror" Officer Lester said to me. Yes Lester, by default I should, not must. He wasn't buying it, and I'm not in the buisness of arguing too much with large armed men named Lester, so I let it go. You can't retake the test for three months after failing. So I have time to study I guess.
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| say it outloud, it will be ok |
[15 Mar 2004|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Morgan Webb... Rawr... |
] |
I don't know how you school going types do this... Cause man, this studying crap is a totall drag. It doesn't help that I'm at my dad's place where I have the constant temptation of high speed internet, and cable tv. Tech TV. So crap. I've read this manual over and over again, but I'm still worried I'm going to fail. There is so much weird shit in this book. Like how the minimum thickness of a wooden bumper is dependant on weather or not it's a hardwood or not. A wooden bumper? Only in Maine.
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| Friday 5 |
[12 Mar 2004|12:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Tragically Hip - Three Pistols |
] |
I've never done one of these Friday five things, becuase well, I dunno... I just assumed no one would give a good goddamn. But, I'm kinda bored, and it is Friday, so...
1. What was the last song you heard?
Let's see... I've got Road Apples in the player, and Long Time Running is playing now, so that means the last song I heard was Born in the Water
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Saw "The Passion of The Gib" last week, amd we rented School of Rock, which did in fact rock.
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
This morning I bought my usual No Fear Double Down. Last night I bought a bottle of wine, and a box of Crispy Rice Hexagons (Hannaford brand Crispix).
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
I don't need to do anything this weekend... But lets say: Try and convince Mike to put the Bimmer back together. Catch up on some sleep. Fix Rob's computer. Study for my State Inspector test. Take Cortney out to breakfast on Sunday.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
In person, and in order from most recent, Bruce, Jon, Dave Power, Dave Bradford, Cortney.
Wow... The fun, she just flows.
( I am constantly walking a fine line. )
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| i'm in love with the world, through the eyes of a girl |
[08 Mar 2004|01:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Iggy Pop - Passenger |
] |
I have really come to respect these Volvo things. They are F'ing solid cars. We have one in here that was totalled, that we are parting out. The thing is shacked hardcore. The guy that was in it walked away with a sprained wrist, which is amazing. Seeing the front of this thing all tore up, and it is all tore up, you can really see how friggin massive these things are underneath the skin. When I see things like that it reminds me why I drive the car that I do. It also makes me a little uncomfortable when I think that people I care for drive around cars that I wouldn't want to be in during a collision. Cheesy Dodge Shadows, for example. Apparently the car that got into it with this Volvo didn't come out of it all as well. The driver had to be cut out of the car and take a Mercy Flight ride to the hospital. So please, be carefull out there, and next time you buy a car, make sure it's a safe one.
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| i liked last temptation better |
[02 Mar 2004|01:14pm] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
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music |
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Elliott Smith - Happiness |
] |
I appologize in advance to all my Christian friends.
That being said...
I saw "The Passion Of The Christ" last night. It was uh... Well, there was a lot of scourging in it, thats for certian. About five minutes into the movie Maggie leans over and says "Is any of this going to be in English?". I like the fact that everything was spoken in Aramaic, Latin, and Hebrew. I think it added to the effect. The acting was superb, especially that of Hristo Shopov. I think he did an excellent job. But... I didn't really care for the movie. The whole time, all I could think of was, David Koresh? I know, that isn't going to make me any friends, but that is honestly what came to mind while watching this movie. Also, I guess I can see why the Jews are all up in arms over this. The Jews of that day were all completely crazy. If this movie is an acurate portrayal of the time, those Jews had some anger issues to work out. Also, all Romans were apparently all intoxicated, all the time... I guess that is pretty acurate though.
I think Cortney's one word review sums it up pretty good. "Skank".
As a service to those who havn't seen it, I've included a few phrases, in Aramaic, to enhance your movie watching experience.
Courtesy of The Gaurdian.
Spreet mets'aayaa deelek huu! - Thine is the medium Sprite
B-zabnaa d-qeenduunos, tayyeb lkuun uurkhaa d-mapaqtaa - In case of emergency, prepare ye the way of the exit
Etheeth l-khubeh 'almeenaayaa d-Maaran Yeshu Msheekhaa, ella faasheth metool Moneeqaa Belluushee! - I came for the everlasting love of our Lord Jesus Christ, but I stayed for Monica Bellucci
Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn - Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn
P.S. Mom, don't go see this movie.
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| shivering in the corners no kind of life |
[27 Feb 2004|10:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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good |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Amazing (Royal) Crowns - Mr. Luckey |
] |
"I don't know if you've noticed, but automobile mechanics genrally drive the sorriest-looking cars on the highway. Like the old story about the shoemaker's kids, you know? That's because mechanics understand precisely what's wrong with an automobile and consider it a matter of professional pride to see just how long they can keep it running on mechanical sympathy alone."
So the SPG needs some more work. Both the oil and the coolant lines going to the turbo are leaking. Which is good in a way, because it explains where all my coolant was going. It certainly wasnt hitting the ground, and I of course feared the head gasket. So that ones a double edged sword. Drivers side window doesn't work, interior light won't go on, fuel gauge reads empty all the time, hall effect coupler (what I thought left me stranded in Kansas) is (still) broken, differential seal is leaking. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that I don't have front brake pads anymore. Judging from the noise, I'd say the caliper pistons are now stopping the car. So thats the short list. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me.
( In other news (note: long, boring, should not be read. Ed.), )
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| maybe you should, i said. maybe i should, she said |
[24 Feb 2004|01:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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fighting this head cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tool - Sober |
] |
Someone told me once, that the things he did not know at first, he learned by doing twice. He later told me that he had to get it right the first time. That that was the main thing. I wish I could read this situation better. I decided I wasn't going to give it any more of my energy, that of course, has not been happening. I have been giving it less though. We had a good long talk last night. She is coming to realise what I always suspected. That perhaps the reason she had such a close platonic relationship with him was because of his interest in her. That maybe that is the case with all of her guy friends. It may be. Our relationship is not platonic. From what I understand it never was. It certainly is not now. Now it's just confusing. Getting her to spend hours with me in my room is pretty easy to do. Getting her to talk about anything of substance is quite difficult.
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| take a look inside. into these eyes that burn |
[20 Feb 2004|12:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Fufu Berry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fiona Apple - Fast As You Can |
] |
At the VW dealer, picking up a part labled only as "Stud", I walk over the the service counter. The girl there, without looking up asks "You the stud"? My reply, obviously, was "You know it baby". She looks up, blushes and stumbles over "I meant are you here for the... Yeah...".
She was cute.
For lunch today I had some Sun Chips, drank a pink soda, and listened to Fiona Apple... Does that make me some kind of a fag?
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| interesting |
[17 Feb 2004|01:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pizza |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Stone Temple Pilots - Dead And Bloated |
] |
Which one would you rather be in?
Fucking Germans, I swear. Engineer the crap out of everything why dontcha? And fucking Ford. That almost seems irresponsible some how, doesn't it?
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[14 Feb 2004|04:32pm] |
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Happy Valentines Day.
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| regular tastes sour, premium tastes a little tangy, and diesel actually tastes pretty good |
[13 Feb 2004|09:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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working |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Toadies - Away |
] |
I just love having gas on my shirt, and in my hair... And in my mouth.
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| if shes beside me, i know i need never care |
[11 Feb 2004|10:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Beatles - Here, There And Everywhere |
] |
For some reason my CD player is only outputting mono right now. I'm not sure if the player is borked, or if its the cable, or what. Everything was fine before I had to camaflauge my room, but when I set it back up its all f'd. Oh well. Revolver on vinyl it is.
Am I unhappy because I listen to sad songs, or do I listen to sad songs because I'm unhappy? I guess I don't know. When I get in one of those moods, I always put on some Belle and Sebastian, or some Cat Stevens, or Jeff Buckley. Listening to Dog on Wheels when I'm down in the dumps does little for my mood. Pouring myself a third cup of coffee and rocking some Toadies always picks me back up. Latley I've been finding a happy medium in Radiohead (more the Pablo Honey, The Bends stuff than the Kid A, etc...), Elvis Costello, The Lost In Translation Soundtrack. Makes me think. Makes me reflect. Without bringing me down further.
It's an interesting question: Do I want to be her friend, or her lover? Well, I think we know what I want, but what do I strive for? I don't really know. All I know is that she makes me happy. Hiding out in the bathroom, sharing a cigarette and talking to her puts me in such a good mood. I can go to bed happy and content. I am her friend. Having her wake me up in the middle of the night to be with me isn't so bad either. I think my father is right. I need to focus on what is important.
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| you know, i'd like to keep my cheeks dry today |
[11 Feb 2004|09:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al |
] |
I always thought it would be cool. And I always thought it would never happen to me. It is cool. Very cool in fact.
But why did it have to be her?
I know it's not easy to be calm when you've found somthing going on. But take your time. Think a lot. Why, think of everything you've got. For you will still be here tomorow, but your dreams may not.
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| Everyone knows custer died at Little Big Horn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't. |
[04 Feb 2004|08:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Belle & Sebastian - I Fought In A War |
] |
I have made a prediction. Time will tell if I am correct.
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| The past 3 years. A retrospective. |
[01 Feb 2004|04:19pm] |
|
Three years ago, my girlfriend of five years goes crazy. I spend all my energy trying not to get into fights with her, leaving nothing left when it comes time to be intament. Lack of intamecy leads her to belive I am cheating on her. Taking some advice from a freind, she decides to cheat on me. Estimates range from just two guys, to everybody reading this journal. I don't know this, until I come back from a week away to find an empty apartment and a very informitave letter. I completley fall apart. Eventually, the discomfort of living alone in Maine gets to me and I move to Denver. I immediatly develop crippling heartburn and horrible, horrible insomnia. I get a job that pays very well but stresses me out completley. I allow three friends to move in with me. Stress of shitty home situation and shitty work situation add to insomnia and heartburn. I rarely sleep, and I carry a bottle of Malox around with me the way most carry water. Not to mention the ever present sting lonliness that has been folowing me around for two years and gets worse by the day. Friends think I should seek professional help. My blood pressure is super high. One room mate moves out. Then another. Stressfull situation at work comes to a head when it looks like I may be loosing my job. I decide to move back to Maine. It turns out I will not be loosing my job, but I don't care. Things are looking up. I get to be with friends and family again. I get excited when a girl I like tells me to call her when I get back. I get back, and I call and nothing pans out. The place I thought I was going to be able to live falls through and I have to move out. I find a job that I like and one of my closest friends says I can live with him for the time being. This works out well except that the place doesn't have running water and I need to shower at YMCA. I see someone who I hadn't seen in a long time. I immediatly fall for this person. Havn't felt this way about anybody since Amy. She offers me a room in her house. Because of how I feel about her I decline. Eventually living situation gets the best of me, and I move in. Things are going marginal. I like my job, but make barely enough money to get by, let alone save anything to move to Arizona. Out of the blue one of my best friends drops dead from a blood infection. Two days later, girl who I am crazy about follows me to bed, informs me that she has feelings for me, is pretty sure that I have feelings for her, and demands that I kiss her. The next morning, she leaves, tells me that this was mistake, we can't do this right now, and goes about like nothing happened. Two days after that I bury my friend. Last night, girl tells me in no uncertain terms that we will never happen, she doesn't feel that way about me. So now I am stuck in a house with the girl that I harbor excruciating unrequited love for, not knowing what to do. I am so confused I am beside myself. I have lost ten pounds in 5 days. I am again not sleeping. I am this close to running away. Joinning the Foreign Leigon, or the Merchant Marines, and not speaking to anyone I know ever again. Do things really get worse before they get better? I have been justifying my life this way for the past three years. And it just keeps getting worse. If the Universe does have a plan for me, it's a shitty fucking plan. If there is a god watching over me, he can suck it. I try my best everyday to be a good person, to be helpfull to others, to be a good friend, to do the best that I can. And it never pays off.
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[27 Jan 2004|09:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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done |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Toadies - I Burn |
] |
Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners. Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water. And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong, but tonight you're on my mind so you never know. Broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it. Where are you tonight? Child, you know how much I need it. Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run. Sometimes a man gets carried away when he feels like he should be having his fun. Much too blind to see the damage he's done. Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really, he has no one. So I'll wait for you, and I'll burn. Will I ever see your sweet return? Oh, will I ever learn? Oh lover, you should've come over. Say it's not too late. Lonley is the room, the bed is made. The open window lets the rain in. Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him. My body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come. It's never over. My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder. It's never over. All my riches for her smile when I slept so soft against her. It's never over. All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter. It's never over. She's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.
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| Your right Cory, you are the most metal. |
[25 Jan 2004|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Nirvana - All Apologies |
] |
I found out as soon as I got home from work. I was one of the first ones to know. Jonas showed up at my door at around five fifteen. I thought he was joking at first, then I saw his tears glistening in the light above the door. I don't know that I have ever seen Jonas show any emotion other than the smirk he wears when somthing is exceptionally funny, let alone tears. We just sat down at the kitchen table in silence for a good fifteen minutes. Stu called. "Do you know"? Cortney was the first home. I could tell by her eyes that she was relieved to not have to break it to me, it was obvious that I knew. By the time Stu got home there were several people at the house already. He and I decided that we should probably go see Rob. No one went with us. No one could bear to. As soon as we got in the car the cell phones came out. Plenty of people didn't know. I felt like the goddamn grim reaper. Are you in a social situation? Ok, sit down. Everyone thought I was kidding. Going to see Rob was the hardest thing I had ever done. I hadn't shed a tear yet, and I couldn't show weak eyes to Rob. He was there with just his daughter. Gayna was at her sisters. She found him, and couldnt bear to be in the house. I can not show weak eyes to Rob. As soon as I got in the door he ran to me, wrapped his arms around me and burried his face in my breast. Rob isn't a tall man. "Shotgun, what is the reason for all this"? Fuck being strong. Does Mike know? Has anyone gotten a hold of Mike? Rob didn't know his phone number. It is unlisted. No one could find it. I had it, and had left him a message to call me. There is no reception out in Alna. Maybe he has been trying to call? We decide we'd better to go over to his house. As soon as the phone got reception it told me there was a message. "Hey, this is Mike, just got home, got your message, whats up? Gimme a call". Stu started to call him. No, we had better tell him in person. When we got there, Stu started to, then broke up. I had to tell him. I had already told so many people that night, but this was the hardest. Mike was his best friend. Had been for ever. He should have been the first to know, but he was the last. Telling Mike was harder than seeing Rob. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I aged twenty years that night, and another ten since. I will certainly never be the same again.
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[30 Dec 2003|10:02am] |
She cocked her head slightly as she identified me over her still fizzing drink.
"You look older." She said to me between sips.
"Well it's been at least a year, and I hadn't seen you in a while before I..."
"Not your face." She interupts. "Your eyes."
"My eyes?"
"They look..." She takes another sip, and arranges her brow into a thoughtful configuration . "Like they have seen far more than your age would merit".
The guy next to me nudged me to let me know that the bartender was ready for my order.
"I'll have what she's having".
"And who would that be?"
The back of her head was bobbing off into the crowd.
I think that was when it happend.
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