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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Meg's LiveJournal:
| Friday, August 30th, 2002 | |
| 12:17 am | well that was interesting Sooo I spent the evening with this boy. And his name is Ted. Some of you may have heard of him. I spent my early teen years obsessing over him. (as opposed to my late teen years? ummm. i dunno) You don't even want to know how many diary entries I have about him. Ridiculous. Shameful, even. And I saw him again tonight. And I was sooo nervous. But it was like nothing had changed. Like a year hadn't gone by since we'd last seen each other. But he's leaving for college. And I'll never see him again. So it's like...we had a good time, got over the initial awkwardness, and then have to say "Well...have a nice life." Funny how things work out. |
| 12:08 am | how random Gotta stand tall for our parents. Clothed. A sliver of skin hitting the light could ruin EVERYTHING- Plans that were carefully made. Each detail, secure. Back up plans in case of failure. And one night of pleasure that could shatter it all. They seem to live vicariously through us, and breathe down our necks, hoping we won't fail them. Because that would mean they had failed themselves, as well. They may only sleep pleasantly when things are secure and our future is stable. One second of flinging the sheets back, opening the window, jumping, and running to the waiting car (all steamed up); this is their biggest fear. One moment of letting hands and fingers and tongues find themselves in places they should not be (and the sweat like a second skin)... One minute of desperation, passion, an acute, thrilling sense of defiance all mingled between two mouths gulping for air...and the world falls apart at the seams. One moment of rawness and flesh against flesh. Two bodies casting one large shadow in the dim light of the flickering candles...and a worst nightmare fills the room like a bolt of static. One tear could not fill the silence between offspring and parents. One apology could not forgive every growing child inside a growing child. Yet one night, one time, one name, one unit, one moment of lust, of intimacy, of finding things we never even dreamed of. These moments are what we live for, and these moments come alive for us when they slowly eat away at our foundation...only to laugh while we crumble, and settle as a thin coat of dust. One night that is not filled with the ache of loneliness, and a striptease for a mirror. One night of lips and other soft places. Behold. A life inside young life exists. Feel the steady pulse of the moment..... LIVE. |
| Thursday, August 29th, 2002 | |
| 12:34 pm | it's all about the motion Ohhhhhh! I love the rain and the sound it makes and how cold it gets (cold enough to wear long sleeves!) and how dark it is and how pretty the world is....it's fall! It's fall! It's fall! which could mean any number of things. but today, it means: hurrah! |
| Tuesday, August 27th, 2002 | |
| 11:55 pm | the calm inside me Sometimes I get really annoyed. Just because. Because...... People always expect me to turn everything into a joke. And to make everything funny. And it's gotten so that..... I expect myself to be that way, too. |
| 12:23 am | there are a thousand things about me i want only you to know I went to Tanglewood with Claudia tonight. It was really fun. We went to the Pops concert and it was performed by an Orchestra. They played all Rodgers and Hammerstein/ Rodgers and Hart, which totally rocked. Oklahoma, Sound of Music/Babes in Arms...yeah it was good. Except for the stupid singer with that ridiculous falsetto. I HATE falsettos. On the way home we zoned out listening to Van Morrison, Billy Joel, Harry Nilsson, Indigo Girls, Stevie Wonder, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, The Youngbloods etc...that was probably my favorite part of the night. Plus, we were all cozy in the backseat with a plaid blanket and it was the perfect temperature and we were kinda drowsy. Good times. I've just recently decided that having a good time and being happy are two completely different things. My mom confronted me yesterday and asked me why I am not being more communicative. She said I used to tell her everything, and now I barely talk to her. I just kind of sat there and didn't really listen. I don't regret having been closer to her before, but I'm at that stage when I don't tell ANYONE anything, so it's not like I'm targeting my silence at her. I don't know. I have been so frustrated lately, and I don't like feeling that way, I just can't help it. I think I'm also totally overwhelmed thinking about all of the things I'm going to have to do this year. It's definitely going to be a challenge for me. Also, I just found out that a really close family friend who has been battling cancer for over a year is destined to die within the next couple months. This is sooo hard because he just got married to the most wonderful woman ever and they have a 1 year old son. It's horrible. He's such a sweet guy, very family oriented. And only in his 30's. Stuff sucks. Current Mood:  cynicalCurrent Music: Indigo Girls "You've got to show" |
| Sunday, August 25th, 2002 | |
| 5:29 pm | my body aches to breathe your breath Jiminy Cricket! Sooooo Elyse picked me up yesterday and we went to the mall and bought shoelaces. Then we got coffee and some lady was being succccch a bitch they had to call security. Amy and I were planning on how we would catch her and get on the front page of the newspaper, but she ran away before we could put it into action. Then we went to Amy Radz's house and chilled there for a while. Firecrackers= scary. We watched birthings. Of babies. Mmmm birth juice. Martha's house was next, and we watched some movies, ate some pizza, and had a good time. This morning Elyse the dirty hippy had something dirty and grotesque and horrifying on her neck. I was oh-so-proud of my ever-assertive CareBear! And they gave me the best present EVER! I am going to put it in my album and cherish it until I die. We played the coochie game on the way home, it was fun. I made a coochie balloon and we threw it out the window and watched it bounce and bounce down the highway. That was exciting. I had a gooooooood time. Car rides are sometimes more fun than when you reach your destination. I drove to Six Flags to pick my sister up. She was scared because she had never been in the car with me before, but I am a good driver and "I haven't even killed anyone yet!!!!" Lindsay- I am SOOOOO sorry that my plans did not work out. I wish my parents weren't assholes and had agreed to pick me up. I definitely REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to see you, and I made you a present and everything. I will send it out in the mail tomorrow morning so you can have it for college. I love you and miss you! My upcoming week is looking pretty good too- finishing driving school, DYS meeting with Mike and Amy, caddying and making mad loot, and then the day after my first day of school I have the YAC camping excursion. After the camping excursion, Amy K. will proceed to my house where we will shop our very large hearts out. I'm excited. You should be, too! When we drove by Longmeadow I said: "Longmeadow! Massachusetts! Becky Michael! Adios!" and that's all that needed to be said. Christina laughed at me. But they knew what I meant. <3 |
| Friday, August 23rd, 2002 | |
| 11:23 pm | "I'll sure as Abraham try!" Awww my week was just lovely! Well...aside from the fact that my baby went to college :( Jeremy Foster came over yesterday, and criminy, that boy is like sunshine on a cloudy day. Or something. Yeah we went shopping. Or rather, HE went shopping. That was an adventure. Ohh and hot tubbing and movies and driving around on the back roads and the giggle...you can't deny the giggle! All in all, one satisfactory Jeremy-filled day. DERRICK F. KMETZ!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T COME IN AND SAY HI TO ME! YOU WERE RIGHT THERE! WE FOLLOWED YOU! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THE 4th of JULY!!!! That having been expended from my system (hmm I hope I used that verb in the right context) I am going to wallow in my...tiredness...and talk to my baby online, because it's her first day at college and we're scared! (BOTH of us!) |
| Thursday, August 22nd, 2002 | |
| 11:47 am | Ahh so I still have two more weeks until school starts. I decided that I am an overachiever (when I actually do things). For history, we have to do two charts. I started the first chart yesterday, and it only takes up half a page. The boxes to write in are 2 inches by 2 inches big. I decided they were not big enough. How many pages of handwritten (small writing) about all of the things that are supposed to fit in the tiny boxes do I end up with? 3. 3 pages instead of half a page in little boxes. Oh it was the most pathetic thing ever. I also spent a lot of money last night, but it was my Dad's so it's cool. We went out and bought a copier/scanner/printer all in one. And I bought back to school stuff. Yeah, I rather enjoy shopping for that stuff (sssh don't tell anyone). Umm I get to see many amazing people this week. Becks, Jer, Mags, Smell, Mike (maybe), Amy, Martha, Elyse, Christina, the other Amy, and possibly THE sexiest man ever: Cole. Which would work if Cole was really a man. Anyway, many things to do before I call the Michael household. <3 |
| Tuesday, August 20th, 2002 | |
| 5:18 pm | "You're gonna be the coolest kid ever because your babysitter plays Simon & Garfunkle!" My last night with Becks before she leaves was sooooo nice and simple. Out for Subway, cleanage of the closet, walk to the swings...and swinging. Ohhhh, swinging. *be still my heart* Then a nice loop de loop around Longmeadow. It was beautiful out last night. And we drank lots of water...I thought I was going to roll away like an oompa loompa or something. This morning we babysit for 6 month old Benjamin, and played "Let's redecorate the entire house." It needed redecorating, but I guess we can excuse them on account of they have a baby. We decided which Trading Spaces person should design each room. It was fun. We also made noodles. They were wheat. Wheat noodles...what a concept! I REALLY hope Jer can come to my house on (Thursday, was it?) I haven't seen him in forever... (ok so I saw him all week up till Saturday, but that's a LONG time for two divorcees to apart!) Anyway I'm out! |
| Monday, August 19th, 2002 | |
| 3:46 pm | Killing many birds with one stone!    Alright. So I've got plans to make...this weekend...I am going to be at Martha's from the 24th to the 25th, which means I'll be in Connecticut. So what if, instead of dropping me off at home on the 25th, she dropped me off in West Hartford, thus enabling me to spend a night with Lindsay Ellis (assuming that it's good with Lindsay). Martha, Lindsay....what do y'all think?? Ok and then Jeremy is going to be at Becky's on Wednesday- Thursday, I think. So Jeremy, what if instead of going home on Thursday, you came to my house to spend the night...or if (since Rick is coming on Thursday) all four of us went out to eat and THEN you slept over? Guys??? Opinions? And finally...I've decided what my next summer plans are. See, my parents are upset that they have to drive 4 hours to get to Ferry Beach, which totally sucks. Then I wanted to also throw Star into the mix. They were not pleased. So next summer...I am going to GA in Boston and Ferry. I will "graduate" from Ferry that year, and still be young enough to go to Star the next year. I love how I can organize everything in my mind and it all makes sense. Let's just hope it works out, as well! IF YOU ARE PART OF THE PLANS I MADE WITH MYSELF, PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE VITAL!!!! |
| Sunday, August 18th, 2002 | |
| 8:46 pm | I'd walk 3 days for a bagel, and 3 months for you! To put this on your page, copy and paste the following:  What kind of bagel are you? © 2002 Summer Yim I went to the mall today and had the best subway ever. Ok so maybe it wasn't the best EVER but it was excellent. Then I got two shirts (both of which are amazing!) One is blue and white striped tee shirt and then has the biggest frilly sleeves, and then the other one is black with large holes all over it that has blue lace underneath it. Yeah. And they were $4 each. I win! My day was so satisfying. And tomorrow I'm sleeping over Becky's!!! Life is sweet. |
| Saturday, August 17th, 2002 | |
| 8:38 pm | "Meg, I'm scared! Scared like a pineapple! I have spikes!"- Alison Gaby WOW. TLI was so amazing. I don't think there was one minute this entire week that I felt I was alone. I could approach anyone there and strike up a conversation with them, and it was great because I didn't feel that way last year. Now I have to back. And I have to go to Star too. Ohman I made two wonnnnnnderful friends, Anna and Ginevra...we started a band called "Sugar in the Raw" and man sooo many inside jokes. We stayed up all night last night on the beach with a crew member and Riky and watched the sun come up and watched people skinny dip (well actually we just heard the distinct slap of an ass being hit. or many asses. yeah.) Also I kinda took on the role as chaplain this week, not even meaning to. There were people I hadn't really talked to before, who would come up to me and be like "Can I talk to you?" and confide in me, and I LOVE IT! Oh and guess who I may be friends with? Heather Vail. That's right. I had some pretty good talks with her. Mostly ragging on Nat, but that's the best ice breaker anyway. HA. But yeah, now I'm not intimidated, and she's so much easier to talk to then I thought she would be. Mmm bridging was amazing. It was like 3 hours long though. Anna and I started doing crunches because we were bored. And Jeremy's pockets were sandy, and he dumped it on the floor. It may not sound funny, but we were cracking up for like 20 minutes. I couldn't even look at him. People thought we were crying, but we weren't. Oh it was hilarious. In a stupid way. I MISS TLI! I want to goooo back! But I get to see Becks on Monday and hopefully Smellis this weekend (????) Smells???? |
| Tuesday, August 13th, 2002 | |
| 3:39 pm | "Are you eyeballing me, cadet?" "NO!!!!!!" Sooo yeah I'm at Ferry, and it's great. Initially there was a bit of uncomfortableness, a bit of clique-y-ness, but I think that all faded away as of yesterday. I'm totally having a blast, staying up till 5 am and then waking up at 7. (I set my alarm) See how hardcore I am? Never doubt me. Today has been soooo chill. Since I didn't get to sleep until about 5:30, I was mad tired, and had a hot date with my bed at 1:00 pm, but it ended up standing me up and I ended up talking to a bunch of people, so it didn't really work out. But I'm not tired anymore. I will pay for this when I come home. Yeah so I quickly glanced at my friends' entries yesterday, and damn I am gonna be catching up on those forever and a day. Maybe you should all stop writing until I get back... Love you!!!!! |
| Friday, August 9th, 2002 | |
| 6:35 pm | it slips away Today started off horribly. My parents forgot me. Yes, that's right, they went off to play bridge and left me at driving school, where I waited for an hour, then proceeded to hyperventilate. My overactive imagination convinced me they'd been in a car accident or what have you. Then I realized that the door to the driving school was still unlocked, so I went in and found someone in the office. I kind of know her. She is this macho kid's mom (he's in my grade-i don't like him much) but she just happens to be the biggest sweetheart ever. And I cried. And she gave me a hug. And then I cried some more because I felt so stupid. But yes. They picked me up after all. I wanted to hit them with fly swatters. Then I went last minute Ferry-shopping. No damn sunscreen under like 48 spf. What- are they trying to curse me? Trying to keep me forever white and pasty? I don't think so. Then I went home and started packing. Normally, I like packing. I love rolling my clothes and conserving space. But this packing is harder. For some unknown reason. Tonight Natalia and Tony are coming over to veg and eat jello :) My parents are going to bridge, as is my sister. Sucks for them. I can't wait to leave tomorrow, I need to get out of this house, I need to get out of this city, I need to get out of this state, I need to get out of this life! But yeah, maybe if I love you you'll receive some mail. And if you don't receive mail, it's probably just because I don't have your address (Holly!) Talk to y'all when I get back next Saturday. Have a great week! |
| Wednesday, August 7th, 2002 | |
| 7:29 pm | dream for an sometimes i get sick, and i cry and do weird things like rip my hair out, fistful by fistful in an airport in portugal, or in a gospel church....i hate it because i can't remember the last time i even had a cold, but then there is THIS sickness, and it won't go away, and it just kinda lies there dormant and i can't do anything about it. the only good thing is that it's not contagious and it lasts for only one day each time i get it. |
| Tuesday, August 6th, 2002 | |
| 9:37 pm | a twisted sort of fate I stayed up until 4 am this morning reading "I Know This Much Is True". I could NOT put it down. It's so engaging, so powerful...even if I didn't feel I was in some way connected to the disease, I still think I would love it. I started my AP History work today. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. I began to look through the portfolio, and there is much work to be done between now and September 7th. I'm thinking I may have to buy the book so I can write in it. Gross. Just what I need. I went to Becky's last night, and it was another wonderful Monday complete with Subway, toning of the muscles, and bedroom cleaning. Yes, the rug is actually visible! It's quite a miracle. LINDSAY ELLIS WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??? I just called your house and your mom said you weren't home, but Maggie told me you would be home and she would be there...and...now I am sad. Yeah 3 days (as of tomorrow) until Ferry. I'm not as excited as I should be. No reason, really. I just want for this summer to be over and for this school year to be over and for college to be over and for me to find a dead end job that I can stay in till I retire and then bite the dust. How uplifting. |
| Monday, August 5th, 2002 | |
| 6:11 pm | like a newborn child I hate when people leave. Growing up, I don't think I could have lived in a better neighborhood. It's circular, there were lots of kids my age, older kids to babysit us, old ladies and men to give us money on halloween, and lots of people for my parents, as well. Everyone is friends with everyone. All of the people make a conscious effort to take care of their houses, and all of the houses look completely different. It's just the coolest thing. We used to have neighborhood barbecues at my house. We used to have neigborhood picnics and tag sales on the terrace in the center of the street. It was like a television show or something. But now all the old people are dying, all my friends are growing apart from me, all the babysitters are going to college...it sucks. So many people are moving. We keep getting notices in the mail that says "234 Christopher Terrace has put their house on the market" and then I take my dog out and discover which next family is leaving our street. Mmmm. Change. The most dreaded and anticipated thing ever. |
| Sunday, August 4th, 2002 | |
| 9:53 pm | Helter Skelter Why is my horoscope so on target?? "You will be emotional about your personal life today, especially if you said something recently in anger. Problems with older family members will surface. Put some time aside to do things for others" I was mad at my sister today. My uncle, who has schizophrenia, he ran away last night. He was in greenfield with his girlfriend and they were going to go contradancing, and he didn't want to. So he started running. She waited for him until 2 in the morning, and he never came. Luckily this morning, someone in Granby (who happened to know my dad) saw him wandering around and called our house. It was so insane. We didn't tell my Grandma about it, because she would just worry way too much for anyone's good, but this isn't the first episode. A while back he randomly took his bike and fled to Wisconsin with like $20. We had a detective and shit to track him down, but it's so crazy. I'm reading a book about schizophrenia, too, incidentally. It's called "I Know This Much is True" by Wally Lamb, and it's fuckin amazing. It's about a set of identical twins, and one has schizophrenia and the other doesn't. It's so powerful. Also, back to the horoscope, I started making birthday presents/going to college presents today. Claudia, Elaine, Deena, Mark, Nadine, and Natalia all came over to go swimming and eat pasta. Mmmm. Now I'm dead tired. Hooray! |
| 5:27 pm | "Did he slip you the hot beef injection?" So I know you all are insanely jealous of many things: a) that I went to Amy Kane's yesterday b) that we went to the Teapot for a quality dinner c) that we watched "The Breakfast Club" d) that we made a present for someone, and it wasn't for you. or was it? e) that we stayed up until 6:45 watching "The Real World- New Orleans" and screaming obscenities at David because he is a huge egotistical bastard f) that we didn't wake up until 12:49 the next day g) that we made pancakes for breakfast h) that we rock the world Yeah, and that about sums it up. Much love, chica! |
| Saturday, August 3rd, 2002 | |
| 2:33 pm | You can't fire me, I quit two days ago! Fuckin dick, man. So I went in to work today and it was supposed to be my last day. So I'm all feeling relaxed. I serve two customers, and then my boss calls to me from her office, so I go in. Here is the conversation that follows: Her: What are you doing here? Me: Uhhhh today is my last day, unless you can have me work nights next week. After next week I'm going to be busy for the rest of the summer. Her: You know I can't have you work nights. Why can't you work days? Me: Weeeell my parents have been leaving their jobs to bring me here, and they don't think it's worth it. Her: Sonja (the other manager) told me that you quit. Me: Yeah, I told her today would be my last day. Her: Well then why didn't you show up on Wednesday? Me: Uhh I wasn't supposed to work on Wednesday Her: Yeah you were. We changed the schedule. You should have called. Me: I DID call on Sunday, and they said I only had to work on Saturday. Her: Well I covered your shift, so you should go home. Me: Ummm ok. (my dad had dropped me off 10 minutes ago) Then she says I have one more check, but she can't give it to me until I turn in my uniform. Then I leave. I'm free!!! THEY CAN EAT MY DUST! |