Leslie Stahl gets it

Those of you who caught 60 Minutes last night saw how former Bush terrorism czar Richard Clarke took Our Leader to task for ignoring warnings about Al Qaeda. You heard Clarke tell Leslie Stahl how we are less secure now than we were before we invaded Iraq. You heard him say that if Bush had reacted to Al Qaeda "chatter" in the same way Klinton had, 9/11 could have been avoided. And you heard the following:

After the president returned to the White House on Sept. 11, he and his top advisers, including Clarke, began holding meetings about how to respond and retaliate. As Clarke writes in his book, he expected the administration to focus its military response on Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda. He says he was surprised that the talk quickly turned to Iraq.

"Rumsfeld was saying that we needed to bomb Iraq," Clarke said to Stahl. "And we all said ... no, no. Al-Qaeda is in Afghanistan. We need to bomb Afghanistan. And Rumsfeld said there aren't any good targets in Afghanistan. And there are lots of good targets in Iraq. I said, 'Well, there are lots of good targets in lots of places, but Iraq had nothing to do with it.

"Initially, I thought when he said, 'There aren't enough targets in-- in Afghanistan,' I thought he was joking.

"I think they wanted to believe that there was a connection, but the CIA was sitting there, the FBI was sitting there, I was sitting there saying we've looked at this issue for years. For years we've looked and there's just no connection."

Clarke says he and CIA Director George Tenet told that to Rumsfeld, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and Attorney General John Ashcroft.

Clarke then tells Stahl of being pressured by Mr. Bush.

"The president dragged me into a room with a couple of other people, shut the door, and said, 'I want you to find whether Iraq did this.' Now he never said, 'Make it up.' But the entire conversation left me in absolutely no doubt that George Bush wanted me to come back with a report that said Iraq did this.

"I said, 'Mr. President. We've done this before. We have been looking at this. We looked at it with an open mind. There's no connection.'

"He came back at me and said, "Iraq! Saddam! Find out if there's a connection.' And in a very intimidating way. I mean that we should come back with that answer. We wrote a report."

Clarke continued, "It was a serious look. We got together all the FBI experts, all the CIA experts. We wrote the report. We sent the report out to CIA and found FBI and said, 'Will you sign this report?' They all cleared the report. And we sent it up to the president and it got bounced by the National Security Advisor or Deputy. It got bounced and sent back saying, 'Wrong answer. ... Do it again.'

Paying homosexuality's price

Dear President Keiser and students of Southwest Missouri State University,

Mr. President, there are many of us in this great nation who share your belief that homosexuality is a "perversion," and we thank you for excluding homosexuals from your discrimination policy. Now, it's up to your students, staff, and faculty to take it to the next step and begin discriminating against them.

It's going to be a tough sell for many. Discrimination has received a bad rap over the last forty or so years. Still, it's something that needs to be done. Our children's future depends on it.

You see, homosexuals need to pay a price for being who they are. Otherwise, there would be nothing to prevent the rest of us from becoming entangled in homosexuality's lavender splendor. The temptations posed by men wearing spandex biking shorts alone are enough to put most of us in seats for Avenue Q. I'm not even going to mention the upcoming baseball season with its endless series of scratching and cup adjustments.

Systematic discrimination is the only effective means for countering temptations like these. You've taken the first step, now it's time to finish the job.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

Sunday, March 21, 2004  

Liberal ruffians intimidate Republican legislators

Saturday, March 20, 2004  

The George W. Bush Presidential Library

Part II is up at TAS

You can read Part I, below.

Switching Camps (In a good way)

Hello again mes amis. Fresh back from Bible Study and in the middle of unpacking but I wanted to let you know about my change of location. You can now keep in touch with me here. Please add me to your links at will.

It's been a jam-packed, exciting few days for me, all of which is explained on the new site. You can also contact me directly at my new undisclosed location. (Note to J.C.: Tuesday's poker and wrestling night has been moved to Thursday.)

Yours in Manhood,
Spectre

The George W. Bush Presidential Library (Part I)

It's never too early to start honoring a great man. That's why I've designed a presidential library for Our Leader.

The George W. Bush Presidential Library will be composed of five sections: the Entrance/Election Room, the Rotunda of Blame, the Archives, and the Economic and Security Wings. The library will be at least five stories high, one floor for each of Our Leader's terms of office. More stories will be added if Our Leader's steady hand is still needed after the War on Terror enters its third decade.

I'll explain the design in two posts. The first will cover the Entrance/Election Room, the Rotunda of Blame, and the Economic Wing. The second, which will be posted on The American Street, will describe the Archives and the Security Wing.

Entrance/Election Room (To be called the Reappointment Room on upper floors)

The visitors are introduced to the interactive nature of the library before they enter the building when they are met outside the entrance by policemen who demand that each visitor of African descent show them identification. These lucky visitors are then told that the computer says their real name is "Willie Horton" and that they cannot enter the Election Room because they are felons.

The lighter colored visitors are allowed to enter immediately. They may then choose to participate in a number of activities memorializing Our Leader's triumphant electoral victory. My personal favorites are "Intimidate the Canvassing Board" and "Mob the Democratic Election Worker." Before leaving the room, the visitors are treated to a short show featuring and animatronic James Baker and his ventriloquist dummy, Justice Scalia.

Rotunda of Blame

We all know how tough Our Leader's first term has been. We also know that it wasn't his fault. He's told us so many times. Every problem we've faced can be blamed on someone else.



A colorfully sectioned circle and spinable arrow on the floor of the Rotunda of Blame demonstrates this relationship between our problems and Our Leader's enemies. Visitors may state a problem like joblessness and then spin the arrow to see who's to blame. Choices include Clinton, Kerry, France, non-Christians, Democrats, environmentalists, and Valerie Plame.

The circle, made of petroleum-based polymers manufactured in China using oil from a well near Yellowstone's Old Faithful geyser, also signifies Our Leaders love for our National Park System.

The Economic Wing



Tax Cut Room -- Visitors are lined up according to net worth, and the wealthiest one collects twenty dollars from each of the others.

Employment Room -- Each visitor is replaced by an Indian and told to get a job assembling hamburgers at their local McDonalds manufacturing plant.

Recession Room -- This room's central feature is an animatronic Ed Gillespie seated in a wheelchair doing a Stephen Hawking imitation. "Due to a warp in the time continuum," declares Gillespie as Hawking," the recession only appeared to start during the Bush presidency." "It actually started," he continues, "six months earlier."

Privatization Room -- Each visitor is issued a cellphone and given an hour to persuade as many friends and family members as possible to contribute the $2000/person maximum campaign contribution. The winner receives an exclusive franchise to provide meals to a squad of Marines.

Environment Room -- This room pays tribute to Our Leaders success with balancing corporate needs with environmental concerns. Visitors are issued "Clear Skies Initiative Oxygen Masks" as they step onto the "Healthy Forests Initiative Redwood Deck" to see a presentation on "sound science."

Placed above a pool water, the deck, made from genuine Sequoia National Forest old growth timber, serves as a reminder of Our Leader's plan to combat global warming by building dikes and elevating beachfront property.

Policy Room -- Visitors are assigned roles as various CEOs (e.g. Enron's Ken Lay). They then meet with an actor playing the part of Dick Cheney and draft policies benefiting their companies.

Go to Part II

Thursday, March 18, 2004  

The Cabbage Patch Doll is packing a shiv!

Focus on the Family reports on new faith-based prison program that will "reduce recidivism through the healing power of Jesus."

A private company that operates prisons has joined forces with a Christian ministry to provide faith-based programs to inmates. The agreement between the Corrections Corporation of America (CCA) and the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) provides a voluntary program for inmates who feel that God can change their lives.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004  

Shining Beacon of Our Future

Amen and pass the baseball bats! The God-Loving Christian souls of Dayton, Tenn. have grabbed the torch lit by G.W. and are charging forth into a brave new future. After suffering defeat at the hands (paws?) of those monkey-loving evolutionists during the Scopes Trial they've been revving up for a good 79 years, driven on by the sweet taste of payback. No longer willing to lay back and give in to the Gay Agenda (TM), the proud civic leaders have hatched a plan to slam their backdoors shut and resist the coming invasion of married hairdressers and home decorators.

(Correction: As Attorney General Asscroft has kindly pointed out, the brave Creationists actually won in 1925. I'm afraid that I, like many other unguarded soldiers, fell victim to faulty memory and too-many-to-count insufferable "Liberal propaganda disguised as community theatre" productions of Inherit the Wind. Yes, the Left-Wing Media Conspiracy has no limits.)

I feel it my duty to point out that if they are taking on crimes against nature, they're also going to have to pass ordinances against mullets, accordions and Hillary's mirken franchise. But more power to them.

"We need to keep them out of here," Fudgate said. Exactly. If we're going to create an inclusive, freedom-loving democratic society, we have to make hard choices about who we want to include.

And G.W.'s bro is fighting the good fight in Florida. Faith-based prisons. Yes, even in the middle of a swamp, a man can find salvation. I figure by their numbers, every prisoner will spend just shy of 5 hours in religious study each day. Oh, Jeb, you softee! Why not 8, 12, hell 18 hours a day? Job training and integration isn't for you guy until you embrace the Lord!! Even if they end up wandering the streets, at least they're on the same page spiritually.

But back to Dayton. They've tapped into a solid vein of truth. Tourism? "We're the straight missing link. Come visit!" "No same-sex monkey business here!" Once they start ticketing the monthly stonings for adultery and promoting the "candy-stealing" kids put in stocks, they can tap into the historical tourist market. "Pioneer lives, modern judgment. What could be better for your family vacation?" Or, as Dayton's tourism board proclaims, "Dayton, straight up, dude."
-----------------------------------

Welcome back to the General. We all wish he found the Godly paddling he was looking for. I'm here on and off for a bit while he settles in, but I may be putting down anchor somewhere for my own site soon. I appreciate the manly, back-slapping welcome some of you have provided and look forward to slapping you back soon. Not gone yet, just a bit infrequent for now.

Yours in Manhood,
LCol. H.B. Spectre

We don't need no stinkin' foreigners loving Our Leader

As much talk as there's been about Kerry saying that foreign leaders don't like Our Leader, nobody's stated the obvious. Of course they resent him. He's like a father figure to them. The resentment is natural. It's respect that counts.

He's what I'd call the ideal American father. He's conservative, God fearing, vengeful, distant, stern, and ruthless in his dealings with his children. Rebellious boys, like Chirac and Schroeder resent the discipline Our Father imposes on them. They make the wrong choices and Our Father punishes them. Then, instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they backstab Dad by talking to mean Mr. Kerry.

Yes, I know their type. They bristle when their hungover father whips their asses for playing music. When Dad screams during the little league game that they are little limp-wristed homosexuals, they hang there heads in shame rather that punch out Johnny, the little Jewish kid who doesn't believe in Jesus. They value hugs more than the paddle and yearn for reassurance rather than righteous, character building humiliation. In short, they're what my father would call "pussies." I wasn't a pussy. I always pounded the hell out of Johnny, and it's OK if dad still called me foo-foo boy because it builds character. I never cried, dammit.

Anyway, they are impudent children who need correction so that they can become young men in whom Our Father can take pride. Once they submit to his will, they will be ready to become fathers to their own people like Our Father's pride and joy, Islam Karimov.

That's what it's all about. Let them resent Our Father all they want. It's there loss if they'd rather be France and Germany than Uzbekistan.

Monday, March 15, 2004  

As if fighting the Liberals wasn't enough...

Well, slap my ass and call me Buffy. This just in from Florida, Timothy White, 35 shot a fellow Domino's Pizza worker in the face because he looks like a vampire. Is the Kerry camp trying to secure the state with the help of the undead? Be afraid, be very afraid.

Yours in Manhood,
LCol. H.G. Spectre

A Good Thing?

Up until now, I've avoided all of the debates surrounding la doyenne domestique Martha Stewart. Today, however, the news of her resignation as Director and Chief Creative Officer of her corporation turned the mess hall into complete bedlam. While I sat quietly in the corner with my bowl of coffee, the opposing sides faced off in a flurry of insults and nasty taunts. Finally pushed beyond his limit, François (our base's dessert chef), burst out of the kitchen and began randomly assaulting members of the anti-Martha camp with his pastry bag. Base security rushed in and separated the men, leaving the assaulted to pick the finely formed icing rosettes of defeat off their uniforms. What could make these manly men turn into hair-pulling schoolgirls? Have we lost all respect for law, order and the integrity of the justice system? Is this yet another sign that Western Civilization is on a toboggan ride straight to hell?

Madame Stewart is getting what she deserved. And don't give me the crocodile tears about her being picked on because she's a powerful woman, a celebrity and the source of 6.3 million unfinished craft projects. Some will argue that she created a multi-billion dollar industry through hard work, determination and a sharp intuition for marketing. Ha! We all know the only reason she could do it is because she's a rude bitch, plain and simple.

If she is allowed to get away with this kind of thing, what does it say to the rest of the corporate community? What does it say to the men, those bastions of ethical behaviour and defenders of our God-fearing, honest way of life? After wiping out half a work force with offshore outsourcing and an underhanded takeover, is a man now to be greeted at the health club with high-fives instead of the traditional pelting with dirty sweat socks and hissing? Is this the kind of world we envision for nos enfants?

If this kind of behaviour is condoned, what next? Entire corporations collapsing? Fudged books and plundered pension plans? A stock market that makes a Six Flags roller coaster ride look like Sunday in the Lazy Boy with Field & Stream? Only $45,000 my ass! That bitch is a boil on the butt of Wall Street and she can't be lanced soon enough. If she doesn't see a few months of Manolo Blahnik shower sandals and cement walls, who will?

I've ripped the decoupage from my foot locker and burned my copy of Handmade Christmas. Time to put our collective foot down. And I say if it's going to start, let it start at the top.

Yours in Manhood,
LCol. H.G. Spectre

Sunday, March 14, 2004  

Suffer the Children

There's been so much talk about the evil manipulation of children in various political and religious movements. How could any God-fearing person take the blank page of a child's mind and fill it with the scrawling of crayons from the adult world? The outrage is righteous that these little ones should be cut off from the global village of knowledge, sheltered and force-fed extremist dogma that warps their minds.

Of course there are heroes on the horizon. Take Kyle Williams, 15, of Oklahoma, who is fighting back. This brave soldier invests his years of wisdom and world view into fighting for what's Right. This firecracker of a Conservative is leading the way of the future. My heart grew 3 times bigger seeing his tongue in cheek jest about enjoying being a figment of Joseph Farah's imagination.

Kyle is a busy dude. Recently he was at TeenPact. Also, be sure to catch his defence of home schooling. You rock Kyle!

Yours in Manhood,
LCol. H.G. Spectre