An online journal from perhaps the biggest, stupidest Tommy on all the internet.



Big Stupid Tommy: Jamming French Fries Into Your Mind since 2002



Big Stupid Tommy: Now With Ham Flavor!

 
The Rock Says....

Sheila O'Malley meets The Rock.

(Also, every other post I make from here on will link to her blog. It's kind of an unwritten policy, now.)
posted by Tommy at 17:49

 
Big Stupid Tommy: Made of Monkeys

Yep. Made of monkeys. Seven, maybe eight. We figured this out last night.
posted by Tommy at 06:57

 
TV Tuesday

Heavens to Betsy I'm sleepy.

It's Tuesday, so we're playing the TV Tuesday game.

Executive Decisions
The Networks are getting ready to announce their new fall schedules. Imagine what would happen if you could play programmer for one day!

1. What shows would make up a perfect night of TV viewing for you?

In a perfect universe, Futurama would still be around, followed by King of the Hill. A nice John Swartzewelder-penned episode of the Simpsons, followed by The Tick, which was never cancelled. Arrested Development would follow at nine, with Andy Richter Controls the Universe at 9:30.

And then we'd watch Andy Griffith reruns all night long.

2. What show(s) would you cancel without a moment's hesitation?

I don't see the appeal of Will and Grace. Most reality shows.

3. Is there a show (previously cancelled or just no longer airing) that you'd bring back, original cast and all?

Futurama was the red headed stepchild in the Fox lineup. Even though it ran a goodly amount of time, I think it still had a lot of steam left....before Futurama started running on Cartoon Network, I'd not seen half the episodes. It was always getting pre-empted for football.

I think the show could pretty easily get back in the groove.

Given the success of the Family Guy DVD's and the resurrection of the animated show, I find myself hoping against all logic that the gods would smile upon Futurama, and bring it back. Family Guy's alright, but having watched the three seaons of Futurama on DVD within the past few weeks, there haven't been many shows to have made me laugh as consistently over a long period of time as Futurama did.

That includes the Simpsons and Seinfeld.

It would have been nice to have seen what The Tick could have done had it gotten a nice, steady timespot, instead of being scheduled on again, off again, often against Survivor and Friends.

On the commentary to the Clerks animated series, Kevin Smith wonders what would have happened if they'd signed with a network besides ABC, perhaps UPN....with lower expectations for ratings on the newer network, Clerks might have run a little longer, too.

I'd like to see what those shows would do if given the chance.

And also, the Dukes of Hazzard. What if had run for 30 years straight? I kind of think it would have been cool. But then, I'm really, really sleepy.

~Bonus~ You get to create one show to put on the schedule, with any stars you choose. Who and what would it be?

I'd kind of like to see a troupe show. Kind of like a sketch comedy type of show, except each episode has its own single narrative. Each week, the actors play different characters and play out different stories. Like a different 30 minute or 60 minute short movie each week.

Thanks for playing "Programmer for a Day", now don't let the power go to your head - you know what Donald Trump says... "You're Fired!"
posted by Tommy at 06:54

 
Talking Internet Thing

This was cool. You type a word or phrase in, and the internet cartoon says what you type.

By the third thing I'd entered in, I'd degenerated into making it say cuss words. That kept me entertained for longer than it should have. The best part was hearing the curse words in other languages. One of the French variations made it it sound incredibly angry.
posted by Tommy at 21:12

 
Cubs Win

Cubs won. I went to sleep very soon afterward.

7-4. Kerry was strong. Too strong.

And Corey Patterson took a walk. It was great.

Baseball. It's a good thing.
posted by Tommy at 21:02

 
Help Sheila

Are you an expert in something?

Anything?

Sheila wants to hear about it.
posted by Tommy at 12:54

 
Today's Funny

Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas do a commentary on the DVD of Brother Bear, in their characters of the Moose brothers Rutt and Tuke, respectively, who are the moosely extensions, it would seem, of Bob and Doug MacKenzie.

At one point in the commentary, Tuke runs off the mic because he's scared of something...he asks what's happening...Rutt replies: "All the little girls are forming a baseball team, and Walter Mathau's going to be their coach....."

It made me smile.

Also, chipmunks on screen = danger. Learn it, live it, folks.
posted by Tommy at 11:07

 
Baseball Season

Man. I don't know about you guys, but the days just seem better when baseball's being played somewhere, with a wooden bat, a leather glove, and it actually counts for something.

And while the Red Sox, Orioles, Yankees and Devil Rays got the jump on things, the real stuff starts today.

So. Looking down the blogroll,

I gotta whole mess of Cubs links on the left, so you know where my allegiance lies....but want to also point out Gooseneck, Hawspipe, and Peg at a Moveable Beast, who don't run Cubs-centric sites, but count themselves among the faithful....

And, it's a good day for everybody. Just want to wish luck to:

Tiff, who's a Giants fan.

Bill McCabe, one of the Mets' faithful. I think Mike Toole's here, too....at least, he once wondered what would have happened if ARod had joined the Mets....

There's a whole contingent of the Red Sox faithful....
Sheila O'Malley
Chris, at Large Regular
Dan, at Obscurorant

Al, who runs quite an enjoyable Brewers blog....

Barry's talked of following the Braves.....

The Cardinals fans, Len Cleavelin and Pete, at a Perfectly Cromulent Blog.

And the Filthy Hippy, who's never recognized the move, citing its lack of moral fiber, and continues to root, to this day, for the Seattle Pilots. He once told me, drunk on Wild Turkey, that he'd lie a smoltering in his grove (his words, not mine) before he'd recognize the needless extravagancy against Allah that is the Milwaukee Brewers.

And just a shout out to non-blogging friends Steven and Diane (Cubs), Joe "I Once Lived in Florida" Thomas (the Marlins), Garrett (the Braves), Gerry Roy (who just got a job at Tropicana Field in Tampa, taking tickets, and has been quickly trying to learn the Devil Rays storied history, and who realizes their futility, but will support them with his hard work nonetheless), Paul (the Phillies), and Shyam, who's never professed an allegiance, but will kill for whomever pays her the most. And also the folks, who've followed the Braves, even in the horrible times, but have been terribly supportive of the Cubs, as well.

And a shout out to Say Uncle, for whom all this baseball talk is tiresome, I know....but who understands, I'm sure, that some of us need a break from the guns some of the time....
posted by Tommy at 08:42

 
Blog Notes

Just a couple of notes from my tassel on the lunatic fringe:

For those that need a double dose of the BSTommy Craptacular this week, I'm guest blogging over at Uncouth Sloth. It's about Cubs baseball, for those interested. I can't do what Rob does, as far as the whole Uncouth thing goes. But I have my moments.

There are a couple of people I still owe good e-mails and/or stories, and if you're waiting, I'm not ignoring you. The weekend was a little nuttier than the kind I usually have, so I'm still working on things.

And to e-mailer Pterodactyl O. Rightfulness....I can say only that the polite thing would be not to point it out. And really, that's not something I'm comfortable discussing with somebody named after a dinosaur.

Though I give that particular spam company big time props for that name. The fact that I kept it in my inbox at all is testament to its greatness.
posted by Tommy at 22:27

 
Awwww...Yeah.....

Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!
Police Academy Boxed Set!

Guess who nearly choked on a tuna sandwich when he read this?

And the sad part is how absolutely serious I am.

Here's Amazon's page.
posted by Tommy at 14:33

 
Messed Up

If you like cats, don't go to Mr. Ellis' post here to download the most f'ed up commercial clip ever.
posted by Tommy at 14:25

 
Mmmm. Sleepalicious

My sleep schedule's been really messed up this week. A couple of daytime obligations really messed me over.

Lots of sleep on Saturday. Which is good.

Except that while I was asleep, some joker stole an hour from me. AN ENTIRE HOUR!!!!

April Fool's was a couple of days ago. This shit isn't funny. At all.

I need LOTS of beauty rest. Roughly 19 years worth. And losing an hour only puts me that much more behind.

(It's much easier to blame somebody for stealing an hour than to have to fess up to actually losing an entire hour's worth of time.)
posted by Tommy at 04:55

 
Hellboy

I went to see Hellboy this afternoon. I went to the theater wanting to see any of four movies out now that I've yet to see, and Hellboy was the closest to the starting time.

I liked it.

If you've read Mike Mignola's comic, I don't think you'll be that disappointed, either.

If you haven't read Mike's comic....it's not hard to catch on. One of the strengths of the movie is that it doesn't drown you in exposition. It keeps a light tone, and is slow enough in the beginning for you to catch on.

Another of the positives is that Hellboy was one of director Guillermo del Toro's dream projects. He was a fan of the character. He scripted the movie, so it benefits from not having been re-written by seventeen different writers, none of them familiar at all with the character.

The movie's fun. It's popcorn. It has good action, nice special effects, and a couple of great laugh moments.

Ron Perlman made an excellent Hellboy.

As comic adaptations go, this is a good one. Much better than last year's League of Extraordinary Gentleman, which was to Alan Moore's source material what Totino's Pizza Bites are to a nice Chicago-style deep dish. Yeah, there's bread, sauce and meat, but it's really kind of insulting to call it pizza.

Del Toro respects the material, without crossing the line of having the characters take everything too seriously. The movie doesn't pull a Matrix, and get so bogged down in its mythology that it becomes virtually unwatchable. That's important. The mishmash of writers on League didn't respect the material, yet had the characters within it take themselves and the situation entirely too seriously.

The bad on the movie:

I will say that editing was a problem. I think (I hope) quite a bit got cut out to make it more palatable for theater start times. A couple of characters (the main villain being one of them), kind of show up for a few seconds at a time, and then disappear for quite a long time. That was a bit annoying.

Also, a couple of relationships suffer by being cooked too quickly. Agent Myers is kind of the neophyte character brought in to be kind of a friend/government liason to the paranormally empowered Hellboy....and within three minutes of screen time of their having met, Myers is fretting over the potential danger to his newfound friend like they've known each other their whole lives.

But on the whole, I enjoyed it. Don't go in expecting a whole bunch. Eat popcorn.

And get there on time, dammit! Theaters aren't going to wait for your slow ass to get into the theater to start the movie.

And if you're late, don't stand in front of somebody who's trying to actually watch the movie.

But that last part doesn't have much to do with the actual movie. Just my experiences.

Lastly, here's the Good Thumb's review. He makes a point about a leap of faith the viewer has to make involving a transition from one action-packed scene to the beginning of the next, somewhat less action-packed scene.

Selma Blair character is pyrokinetic, and she clears a room of helldawgs with her pyro-power....and then it just kind of jumps to the next scene....I think this may have been another editing problem. But it is one point where I started to think....waitjustadamnminnit....but I pretty quickly blew it off.

Eeb gave it 3 1/2 stars.
posted by Tommy at 16:31

 
Danielle's Friday Five

Danielle's stepped up with a couple (or, five, rather) questions to step in for the regular Friday Five, who's now taken two weeks off in a row. Thank God they're writing just goofy questions on the internet, and not handing out anti-psychosis medication.

Her theme is children's books.

1. Are there any books from your childhood that stick out in your mind as favorites?

There was a Choose your Own Adventure book called Ghost Hunter, which sticks out. Also, Babar goes to space.

2. Which series of books did you have to read every single one?

I tried to read every Hardy Boys book, but didn't get anywhere close. I think I read every Little House on the Prairie book, because I got them for Christmas one year.

3. Which Dr. Seuss book was your favourite?

I was always partial to The Lorax.

And: Oh Say Can you Say?, which may not have been a Seuss, but was very Seussian and was a bunch of tongue-twisting poems accompanied by the pictures.

4. Did you ever have to dress up as a book character for school?

Does Pigpen count? That wasn't intentional, however.

5. Do you have a favourite memory of being read to?

See, this is weird. Because I know I was read to. But I just don't remember anything specific. Also, I started reading at a really early age, so by the end of kindergarten, I was pretty much reading my own stuff.

Although now that I think about it, I do remember Mom reading a story about a dog named Fletcher that wanted to be hatched. I remember because she would make funny voices, especially when the dog named Fletcher went "Peep."

posted by Tommy at 11:55

 
Confession Time

I got an e-mail from a very nice feller named Jake today. He's looking into starting up a blog, and was asking me for advice.

I was a little surprised. I didn't have much advice to give, but I did point him to both a couple of blog posts I've seen around about blogging, and also the names of a couple of other bloggers who are more attuned to the blogosphere and what blogging is to give this fella some advice.

But I did have a couple of things to say.

First, blog only if you enjoy it, and about what you enjoy. Don't feel compelled to write about what you see other people writing about, necessarily. I mean, if you don't follow politics religiously, then you don't need to blog about politics. Just write what's in your head. Because I really think you'll get more out of the whole writing thing if you write about stuff you like (unless you like blogging about things you don't like, at which time you're still doing something you like).

I blog about movies, and the Cubs, and just the goofy shit that I see in my life. I don't get too caught up in the political world, and don't get caught up in the liberal/conservative bickerfest. I just write what I want to write, and I don't write for anybody else (except for Eartha Kitt. Everything I write is for me, and Eartha Kitt).

Second, use the appropriate version of "your" and "you're" when writing. This is merely my grammatical pet peeve. But it rubs like sandpaper up my asscrack whenever I read the phrase "Your an idiot" or "Your the villain" or the like. It shouldn't, but it does.

(That said, I'll no doubt make that very same grammatical mistake at some point in the next 24 hours. Seven different times.)

Lastly, be honest. I guess this is just a corellary to the first suggestion. Don't try to be something you're not. Because after a while, the bullshit shows through the words, and even if it doesn't, it just gets a little tiresome to try to hold up the facade.

I don't have any specific example of this, except to make a confession myself.

Every now and then, I'll get a link from somebody, and in linking, they'll say something like "Tommy's not stupid" or "I don't know if he's big or stupid," or something nice like that.

And I'm tired.

Do you want to know why I call this blog "Big Stupid Tommy?"

Because it catches the eye much better than my original blog's title.

My original blog title was my real name.

Agnes Horowitz.

For seven months, I ran a blog titled simply: Agnes Horowitz. And it was all the truth about what's going on in my life.

It was the story of a 57-year-old, twice-divorced, chain-smoking, real estate agent from Ithaca, New York. I wrote about selling houses; what dating is for an aging baby-boomer; my favorite delicatessans; my cats (all 7--Fluffy, Mortimer, Doc, Owlstone, Chester, Cablebox and Worthington), my vacations to Florida to visit my sister Ellen and her husband Roy; menopause; and lessons on all the Jewish holidays.

Nobody read the blog.

But you pretend to be a sarcastic, goofy Cub fan from a town in Middle Tennessee I found simply by flipping the road atlas open to a random page, and you write silly posts about not being able to find a pair of pants that fits, and being too cheap (apparently) to buy a new pair....and Bam! A ridiculous amount of readers.

At least 5 times what I got just blogging about Agnes's daily adventures.

That's right! I get at least 15 hits a day! Can you believe it?

The day after the Oscars, 39 people came here to read what I said a single guy in his 20's would say about the Academy Awards!

The Words "Big" and "Stupid" catch people's eyes, I guess.

There. I've come clean.

Hi. My name's Agnes Horowitz. And I'm a blogger.
posted by Tommy at 09:33

 
Today's Funny

From the "internet":

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."
posted by Tommy at 08:55

 
Spring Training Wins

From ESPN, we have the leaders in wins (to date) in the exhibition season:

Kerry Wood, CHN 5
Shawn Estes, COL 4
Jon Garland, CHA 4
Carlos Zambrano, CHN 4
Tyler Yates, NYM 4
Donovan Osborne, NYY 4

It's nice to see Kerry having a helluva spring. 5-0, in six starts. With an ERA just over 1.00. I hope Kerry's setting himself up to make some major noise this year.

And Big Z's chimed in himself on the list.

But I bring this to your attention is the second name on the list.

Shawn Estes.

Shawn Estes!?!?!?!

Shawn "Losing Pitcher" Estes?

Yeah, I know it's just spring training, but I can't remember Shawn "Left Handed Loss" Estes winning four games all of last season for the Cubs.

Ah well. When that slow floating curve hits the thin air of Coors Field, I think Mr. Estes might be most of the way to retirement by the end of the season.
posted by Tommy at 08:48

 
Volunteer Tailgate Party

The Inn of the Last Home is hosting this edition of the Volunteer Tailgate Party, an exposition of all the is good, nice and shiny in the Rocky Top Brigade.

Barry usually does the honors over there, but he was apparently waylaid for a little while.

So, The Volunteer Tailgate Party--Glurp Edition....
posted by Tommy at 07:28

 
Prior

Prior's out till May.

I said I watch the Spring Training with Interest, but not concern.

It is this stuff that I watch with concern.

The left brain says it's an injury (or two) that could happen to anybody.

I will listen to the left brain.

I'm not going to tell you what the right (demon-infested) brain says. Especially not where it concerns trading Juan Cruz before we were all that sure of God on Earth and his achilles tendon, or the part where in the poetic string of events, Kerry Wood's arm loses its steam, Mad Dog shows his age, Matt Clement gets knocked into a coma by an errant E-Ramis throw and Carlos Zambrano loses his cool facing the HGH-enraged Barry Bonds, who uses his 9 5/8 sized dome to headbutt the fiery youth into the darkness.

No. These are the things I must keep to myself, when reading the newsfeeds in the middle of the night.
posted by Tommy at 11:53

 
Liminal

I'm losing weight. Slowly but surely. I've had a lot of crime to fight lately, so I've been getting that extra exercise in.

Problem is, I don't have a properly fitting pair of britches, anymore.

Some are too big.

Some are too small.

I belong to neither group. I'm a man without a country properly fitting pair of pants.

The shorts fit just fine, though. That's good.

Tomorrow is the First. I dress like I'm nine years old, and the First of April means it's officially BST Shorts-Wearing Season. (Lasts from April to Thanksgiving). Mark your calendars.
posted by Tommy at 11:33

 
I'm Touched (in the head)

Len Cleavelin thought enough of what I ranted about reality TV yesterday to make what I'd said his Thought of the Day.

The weird part was how I didn't recognize what I'd said until I got a couple of lines in.
posted by Tommy at 11:27

 
Today's Funny

Synonyms, Dogs and Gastric Dysfunction, over at Say Uncle.
posted by Tommy at 17:52

 
Peter Ustinov

Peter Ustinov died a couple of days ago. He was one of those actors whose face I knew, but not the name, even when I'd see the name Peter Ustinov.

I'm like Emily. I knew him largely from the Great Muppet Caper.

And also from Spartacus.

But I got to looking at his IMDB filmography, and I found the title of a movie I'd been looking for quite a long time.

Treasure of Matecumbe.

It's been twenty years or more since I've seen it. I remember it from summertime Disney Channel viewings. I probably watched it three or four times, but now I remember very little other than images from the movie: the band of travellers (whom I'd think are searching for a treasure) fighing huge, black swarms of mosquitos with a campfire, only to have it doused by a downpour. An Indian announcing a coming hurricane.

And Peter Ustinov's character getting swept away by a tidal wave.

Ustinov plays a doctor. Who's possible treacherous. I don't remember how the plot plays out. Much at all.

I saw a picture of Ustinov with a beard attached to one of his obituaries, and that's what jogged my memory enough to look in his filmography.

I don't remember much else about the movie. Like I said, it's been 20 years. But now I know the name, so I'll have to look for it, if only to be able to put the images in my head in some manner of agreeable storytelling order.
posted by Tommy at 08:38

 
Vending Machines

The coke machine at work gave me the wrong drink last night. I wanted a Diet Mt. Dew, and it gave me a Sierra Mist, which was tasty, but not caffienated, and not even a choice on the menu.

It made me think of this picture. Don't know whose it is originally. But I first saw it as an avatar on a pro-wrestling internet forum.


posted by Tommy at 08:06

 
TV Tuesday

It's that time again. The third iteration of TV Tuesday:

Reality TV is everywhere, love it or hate it. From Survivor to My Big Fat Obnoxious American Idol - Oh, sorry, there are too many to keep track of!!! So do tell- what's your take on the topic???

1. Do you consider yourself a "fan" of reality TV?

Nope. I've come to loathe Reality TV. And this from a guy who takes great delight in living vicariously though others.

I think my biggest irritation is the fact that instead of finding new, talented writers and creators to make actual new television programs, TeeVee seems to use the same pool of writers to pump out the same crap that people are getting tired of.

And instead of assuming that it's the writers that suck instead of all fictional TV, TV execs just keep dumping reality television on us. And like a bunch of crap-eating dogs, the viewing public just keeps going back to it.

2. What's your "can't miss" reality TV show (or shows)?

All that said, I wasn't against reality TV from the start. I liked Survivor when it started. Mostly because of Rudy, who was cool, and Elizabeth Hasselback, who was purdy.

Tough Enough, the WWE show, I watched pretty regularly all three seasons.

But the best ever reality show: Joe Schmo. That was awesome TV.

3. What reality TV show do you suppose the devil plays on the TV in Hell as punishment?

American Idol.

I've never seen an episode. But somehow the names Simon, Paula, Ryan, Justin, Clay, Ruben and Kelly are branded into my frontal lobe. You can't sling a dead cat without hitting something having to do with American Idol.

I'm so sick of hearing and seeing about American Idol my ass is sore.

The concept bugs me, first and foremost. Let's have a bunch of semi- and quasi-talented middle-American looking people get on the TV and sing covers of adult contemporary classics. And let's do it two and three times a week. All in favor of fine television shows like Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Bernie Mac, Wanda Sykes, the Tick, and Arrested Development.

It's just rude, to me. I don't go to karaoke bars. I guess this is TV's way of bringing the karaoke to me. But it's not enough to have karaoke. We have to have a bunch of talentless hacks in the forms of Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and that fat guy whose "autobiography" had the word "Dawg" in the title in a form not referring to the University of Georgia bicker with each other over the course of several different nights a week as to whether the little weaselly looking girl's cover of "Wind Beneath My Wings" was up to snuff or not.

And then, the snotty Brit flips somebody the bird, or doesn't, and it's front page news.

I'm tired of not being able to check out at the grocery store without seeing Clay Aiken's weird wirey/junkie/cowboy/mindless grin on the cover of some tabloid, or seeing somebody else fret over the fact that Ruben Studdard is fat.

Can we let Paula Abdul fade back into obscurity?

Can we leave the karaoke to the Japanese?

And would Simon Cowell and Ryan Sechrest please just go do it and leave the rest of us out of their weird commonlaw marriage bickerfest they have with one another?

And mostly: I'm tired of knowing every bit of that information.

I've never seen the show C.S.I.

I don't know anything about C.S.I.

I'm sure it's a fine show, but I'm comfortable knowing absolutely nothing about the show.

There are no C.S.I. radio show news updates. There are no C.S.I. articles in the newspaper. And Matt and Katie do not discuss the ramifications of C.S.I. on the Today show every morning.

I'm tired of being bombarded from every possible media outlet with news ON A KARAOKE CONTEST. American Idol makes me very sad for the American Public, if this is what it's eating up when it comes to TV.

~Bonus~ If you were given a free ticket to be on any reality show, which one would you choose?

Am I allowed to bring a gun? Given my answer to the previous question, an assassination or four might do Idol some good.

If I'm just playing, the roommate and I discussed Real World's need for a surly, anti-social guy who builds a fort out of couch cushions in the corner of one of the rooms, and never come out over the course of the show, except to steal food from the roommates, and to use the bathroom on the balcony.

To me, that would make for interesting reality TV.

Thanks for playing, evidently fear is not a factor for you!
posted by Tommy at 07:48

 
Some Kind of Marketing

I wrote about this a little while ago--found on a tree off the highway in Riceville, TN.


posted by Tommy at 06:08

 
Flea Marketing

As an exercise in photojournalism, SKBubba takes a look at his bargain shopping excursion to the Flea Market, in a piece called Southern Culture on the Skids....
posted by Tommy at 05:11

 
Sunday

Not a lot happening this Sunday. Just a couple of links:

Mark Evanier, with a couple of thoughts on Blazing Saddles, including attending a screening with Mel Brooks in attendance.... (Blazing Saddles is one of the absolute best, and one of my personal top 5 favorites).

Bill McCabe went to a geekfest this weekend. I always enjoy the folks who are dedicated enough to a movie to emulate it in their dress. (Note: enjoy is not the same thing as admire, or even agree with).

But in the abstract sense, I'd like to see a few folks in Jedi robes walking around in every day society. Just for kicks.

I'm going to the Atlanta Comicon in April. Not nearly as big as DragonCon, which is the biggie in Atlanta. But you make up for the relative lack of media guests and some of the sideshows by having a lower number of nerds and geeks who lack even the simplest social skills (washing daily....not picking their nose while they talk to you....not walking in front of you when you're looking at something.)

But it's cool just to go and hang out with friends. The Braves are in town, too....might just make a cool weekend out of it.

And can I just say: March Madness...Pfah.

This basketball shit's getting old, and in a hurry. Baseball season's, like, a week away. And it's about friggin' time.
posted by Tommy at 17:23

 
Saturday

Not a whole lot going on this Saturday.

Watching basketball. UConn's tough.

Updated the Read List. Up to 44 books, in the last 6 months, which is a goodly amount, I guess. It's a little off pace of the ridiculous, arbitrary, whimsical and ultimately meaningless goal I set for myself, of 100 books in a year.

But it's gotten me off the glass teat that is the teevee a little bit. And to that end, my little quest has done its job.

Excellent weather this weekend. Like, 80 degrees today. Warmer tomorrow. It's all good on BSTommy's neck of the woods.
posted by Tommy at 19:12

 
Mmmmm....

Mmmmm.....2 Dollar Pizza.

Mmmmm.....Famous Nathan's Hot Dogs

Mmmmm.....Spiders

Mmmmm.....Bourbon
posted by Tommy at 21:24

 
Cubs Trade

Saw that the Cubs traded Juan Cruz to the Braves. Along with pitcher Steve Smyth.

The Cubs get lefty pitcher Andy Pratt and infielder Richard "I'm not the horrible comedian" Lewis.

I'm kind of ambivalent on the trade. I was willing to give Cruz one more shot, but wasn't setting my expectations all that high. Apparently, Pratt's in a lot the same position within the Braves organization that Cruz is within the Cubs'.

Still, my eyes did perk up just a little when I saw LHP. Maybe he can work his way into a spot start every now and then. To break up the monotony. I mean the Cubs have more righties than the Republican National Convention.

But beyond that, I'm not expecting a whole bunch. Kind of like with Cruz.

On the flip side, there's a 1 in 750 chance that under the watchful eye of Leo "I say the f-word and rock on my seat" Mazzone that Juan could become the next Pete "Anti-Zimmer" Martinez.

Plus, we got a minor league infielder. It's a rare condition that the Cubs have so much pitching down in the minors, and that position players (Catchers, especially) seem to be coming up short.

I saw the news at Large Regular first.
posted by Tommy at 16:34

 
Zombie Dad

Dad's home from the hospital. My sister called just after I went to bed this morning. I called back when I got up to go the toilet.

Everything went well. They even worked on the correct knee. He's at the house, snoozing under the blanket of pain medication.

With the pain medication, that whole zombie-thing may be more of an apt descriptor than I'd thought.

Mom says they've got his leg wrapped from hip to ankle in gauze.

Zombie Knee. Mummy Leg.

To my mind, Mummy is a just a Zombie on an Ego Trip. Don't matter to me if they royalty or not. You're just the Undead in Gauze. I'll use my katana and my sock full of nickels on a mummy just as quick as I will you're old run-of-the-mill flannel-wearing mall-shopping zombie.

To their credit, Mummies have Rachel Weisz in their movies. Zombies just have Sarah Polley.

They gave Dad a weekend's worth of Oxycontin. I tried to tell him to give Rush a call, and to spend what he made from the sale on Aleve and Butterscotch Pudding. Because Butterscotch Pudding makes everything better. Especially if it's made with whiskey.

Shouldn't I be asleep right now?

Yes.

But I should also eat like 8 servings of vegetables a day, so you can see I'm not a stickler for shouldabeens.
posted by Tommy at 16:00

 
Surgery

My Dad's going under the knife this morning. A while back, he was changing a lightbulb in the basement of my parents' home, and there was a sudden gravitational attack, which resulted in a fall from the chair he was standing on, and a torn ACL.

Yeah. It's all fun and games until somebody blows a knee.

He's going up to Knoxville. As I write, actually. He's getting everything done this morning.

I spoke to him yesterday. He got a call from the doctor's office yesterday to confirm everything--insurance, times, everything like that, including which knee was getting the work done.

Dad's getting the right knee worked on. The nurse, during the conversation, kept saying his left knee would be getting the operation.

Each time the nurse said this, Dad would correct her. Making sure to say "No, the other knee" just so that the nurse wouldn't think he was confirming the left knee as correct by saying "right knee."

And this little rondo went on.

To the point of Dad wanting to write in Sharpie marker on each of his knees which was the one needing the surgery and which wasn't.

So, I'll keep you updated on whether a hospital in Knoxville is getting renamed Big Stupid Tommy's Dad's Great Big Ol Very Own Hospital.

Did you know that they replace ACLs with the ACL from a cadaver? I think I've talked about this before. That means a small part of his body will be zombi-fied.

I just hope my natural anti-zombie instincts don't take over the next time I see my Dad. Because zombies are my sworn enemy, and I must destroy them all.

I'm pretty good at my job. Have you seen any zombies around? Not around my house, anyway.

Dad doesn't get to pick the cadaver his knee ligament comes from. I think that's kind of unfair. Not that I'd know how to pick a new knee ligament. It's not like you can thump it near the stem to see if it's ripe.

I mean, what if you take the ACL from a guy who was really evil? And his essence is trapped in the dead body's ACL? And when it gets put into my father's body, it starts taking over my father, kind of like how the Vigo wanted to take over Dana Barrett's baby in Ghostbusters 2.

We don't have enough slime at my folks' house to stop my father.

Come to think of it, I'm not all that great at picking ripe melons at the produce stand, either. So maybe it's for the best that the doctors get to pick the new/old ACL's. It's sometimes best to leave things to the professionals.

But it is important to keep track of the little things. Like the difference between left and right.
posted by Tommy at 05:55

 
Today's Funny

From Alex (the Nouveau Wisconsinite):

Two strangers were seated next to each other on a plane. The guy turned to the cute blonde next to him and made his move. "Let's talk," he said. "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the passenger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: a horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Oh brother," said the guy. "I have no idea."

"So tell me," said the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
posted by Tommy at 05:20

 
Short Attention Span Day

Did chores this morning. Got a couple of things done. Feeling productive, so I sat down to check e-mail, and then get some writing done.

But after e-mail, came looking at blogs. And then I read an article Sheila linked to. And baseball news. And then came a look at fark.

And then I played Tetris over at the Hippy's site. For a long time.

Luckily, I kicked Tetris' ass. So it's not a total wash.
posted by Tommy at 09:57

 
Today's Funny

213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the Army

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

and

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. �

(Saw it at Obscurorant).
posted by Tommy at 22:57

 
TV Tuesday

It's time for everybody's favorite new Tuesday Tradition, where we talk about TV, aptly named: TV Tuesday.

1. Which TV doctor would you choose to remove your appendix?

Beverly Crusher. Because she's got all that 24th century medicine behind her. They could probably just beam the appendix from you. Out into space. Where it couldn't hurt anybody.

2. Which TV doctor would you not let touch you with a 10- foot pole?

Frank Burns, from the 4077th. Ol' Ferret Face. No, please.

No Dr. Nick Rivera, either.

3. Which TV doctor/hospital would you choose for the best medical care?

Can I just choose Starfleet Medical, again? We never actually see it, but it's where Dr. Crusher went when she disappeared in the second season of Star Trek: the Next Generation

~Bonus~ Everyone knows nurses run the hospital. Who was/is your favorite TV nurse?

Abby Lockhart.
posted by Tommy at 08:14

 
Showing My Arse

I tore my pants a little while ago. From pillar to post. Came home at lunch to change.

Because I don't like showing my ass to everybody.

Unless it's on my blog.

Y'all have a good night.

(Much warmer with no 8-inch hole in rear end of britches).
posted by Tommy at 01:40

 
Today's Stupid-Ass Bullshit

From the Department of Duh, Homer Simpson is a bad role model, what with his poor eating and exercise habits. And some people want to make him change.

(Later note: I really shouldn't post when I'm about to fall asleep....two words out of place completely change the meaning of a sentence, don't they?)
posted by Tommy at 12:28