the bee. you know, from nature?'s Journal

Time:

9:06 am.

joy and i went to a PFLAG meeting yesterday. neither of us had gone before, and it was a neat first experience. the reason we went is because they were having speakers from the Legal Marriage Alliance of Washington (http://www.lmaw.org). that was only for the last hour, however, and the whole meeting was two and a half hours long.

the first hour or so was spent going around the circle and having everybody introduce themselves. apparently it usually doesn't take nearly that long, but there were twice as many people there as there usually were, due to the nature of the speakers and all the media surrounding marriage equality lately. a few of the couples in attendance (including the woman who used to do massage where i do now, and her partner) reported that they had recently gone to portland to get married. we all whooped and hollared and clapped. joy and i had thought of driving down to portland on march 5th, because it takes three days for the marriage to become official, which would have made us legally married (in oregon) on our one-year anniversary... but we decided to hold out for legal washington marriage. i hope that doesn't take forever. :\

one of the speakers never showed up, and the other arrived about a half hour later than she was supposed to. but she came! we were all very happy. she had some brochures and bumper stickers ("I DO support freedom to marry"), and spoke about how civil unions might sound nice, but they couldn't come anywhere near to offering the kinds of rights and benefits that legal marriage does.

in washington, there are over 360 rights that have the word "marriage" in them. if they (lawmakers) wanted to make civil unions equal in everything but name (which isn't equal, but i won't even start on that), they would have to amend every single marriage-related law to include the wording for civil unions. there's also the federal laws, of which there are over 1000, that civilly united couples wouldn't have access to.

i keep pondering the issue and wondering WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?!?! is there any real, logical, sensible argument for keeping marriage segregated? i still haven't heard a single one. inevitably peoples' reasoning for marriage segregation boils down to religious arguments. do they not remember that the whole reason settlers came to this country was to escape from religion being forced upon them? the first amendment to the constitution grants every citizen Freedom of Religion. doesn't that also grant freedom FROM religion, if one so chooses? this isn't a Christian nation, no matter what our "President" thinks. not every American citizen is a Christian. they need to stop thumping bibles at people who do not look to the bible for guidance.

i think it's obvious where i stand on all that. (:

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Time:

9:26 am.

march 8th, 2003.

a year ago last night, i picked jenni up from the airport. a year ago in an hour or two, we woke up at my mom's, puttered around for a while, and made our way to olympia. a year ago around 4 this afternoon, we were on our way to eugene. a year ago around 8 this evening, we were watching arjuna perform at lesbopalooza. a year ago around 10:30 this evening, shelley doty was playing, and the joy i didn't know quite yet and i were dancing around having fun.

a year ago tonight, i spent the night at her house.

today is our one-year anniversary. (:

i'm going to get some tasty thai food and take it to her at work for lunch. today is also the last day that she has to watch isabella in a weird apartment, the family bought a house and moves on wednesday. hooray! and the house is closer to where we are, within walking distance. exciting times.

the only thing i'm bummed about is the fact that i have to teach class tonight. but we don't have to be up early tomorrow, so we can have some tastywine and celebrate.

this past year has been the best year of my life. it's interesting to reflect that four years ago, i put myself through three months of hell, trying to convince myself and everyone around me that i was straight, that i was normal. i'm going through and deleting a lot of my old old old journal entries (from around 2000 - 2001, or something..). reading them over is causing me to feel a bit sorry for myself back then. i was trying SO HARD to be normal, practically every entry i was going off about how i was in love with a boy, so that everyone who read it wouldn't think i was gay. this isn't at all related to that, but i was doing weird things with random letters ("jkdfjflajldkds;fd") and random symbols ("!#!&^!*^!&!*@!&") to express excitement, i think. and used strange language.

anyway, it's just funny to go back and read things i wrote almost four years ago, to see how much i've grown, and in what ways, as well as how the lives of those around me have changed. some things never change, though. i still have a fuzzy rainbow steering wheel cover. colleen still has a pimp kitty. and the delta thing still cracks me up:

"y'all be goin' on vacation? see the thing is, if you 'bout to be up off dis biatch, check it: beep DELTA! we be flyin' all over this bitch. lemme ax' you somethin'. you 'fin ta raise up and get your travel on? from the interior to da exterior, you've got to get your posterior in one of dese big-ass planes. shit dawg! you layin' the cut straight sittin' on yo' ass and gettin' yo' drink on and yo' snack on while we floss 'n fly this mofo all over dis bitch. east coast, west coast! it don't mattah, 'nea we'll get you to yo' ho 'n back lickidy-split, no shit. then you be back at yo' crib chillin' with a flat spliff, thinkin' we was some crazy-ass angel. hell.. these fat, round, thick-ass vessels run up in the sky so deep, it be cryin'. yeah.. YOU thought it was RAIN! so bring a towel, 'cuz at Delta, it's laid out like dat. call one of these fly-ass Delta coochies - and make all them punk-ass co-workers of yours catch the vapors as you be off, and up-out. you goin'? we fly you 'dare. you been? we done already flew up in 'dare. we got'choo covered like a jimmy-hat. at Delta, we loves us some flyin'. and it be showin' like a mothafucka!"

this morning greg nickels (the mayor of seattle) announced that he's going to begin recognizing gay couples who have gotten married in other places (portland, san francisco, massachusetts come may, vancouver, maybe the netherlands?) as married couples, and is going to insist that the city of seattle treat its married gay employees the same as married heterosexual employees. he's also going to try to pass something that would require that throughout the city, not just with city employees. ALSO, six gay couples apparently are going to city hall this morning to ask for marriage licenses, and if they are denied (which is expected) the couples are going to immediately file a lawsuit against the state challening the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

this is very exciting. it's not the 70's anymore, no longer can they say that gays can't get married because the purpose of marriage is procreation. if marriage were only for procreation, then marriages would have to be nullified once the potentiality of procreation no longer exists. ie, if a married woman has a hysterectomy, or if a married man has a vasectomy, or the woman reaches menopause and no longer menstruates, or what have you. the DOMA also violates the equal rights clause that is part of the state's constitution.

exciting times are upon us. it's no longer legal to discriminate based on gender, the women's rights movement took care of that. it's no longer legal to discriminate based on race, the civil rights movement took care of that. yet it's still legal to discriminate based on sexual orientation.

though i think it would be naive to assume that anything would change, except on paper, with any sort of gay marriage legalization. the year this country elects a non-white, non-straight-identified woman as president is the year everyone will be TRULY equal.

and that, ladies and gents, is only my own opinion.

time to return to the physical world. (:

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Subject:	a band of skeletons are playing..
Time:	11:02 am.

in the moment: the cupboard is open. i see vitamins, tea.. lots of tea, cans upon cans of beans and lentils, and a side-view of the picture of my tummy that chrissy gave me. underneath the cupboard is the massive Green Star juicer. light is shining in through the window, and the windowsill is home to many, many plants. on my right is the entertainment center, with the TV, movies, VCR, stereo and random decorative objects here and there. i've got a class of water.. some pieces of paper, pens, fingernail clippers and fingernail file, yet another plant, a candle, some incense, the telephone and random computer wires cover the table i sit at. shoes are on the floor, the bikes are against the wall, the couch is behind me, and i'm blissfully unclothed.

those are my surroundings.

in the moment: i'm wondering if anybody will read this, as i haven't updated my journal in a long time. do people just assume that it won't ever be updated again? i feel a bit detached from seattle people. i haven't had the opportunity to drive north for a while, and looking at my calendar i don't know when the opportunity will next present itself. maybe at thanksgiving? knowing my family, something won't be planned until the last minute, so i have no way of knowing. hrm.

at the end of august, i quit the student clinic, in pursuit of (finally) starting my own massage business. joy and i plan to stay in olympia pretty permanently, so it seemed like it was time. i found a really neat salon place called Jamie Lee and Company - it's right in downtown olympia, the owner is a lesbian, three of the hairdressers are gay, and the rest of 'em are straight, but not narrow. the massage room is upstairs - i'm sharing it with one of my students who graduated in may. we're both there a few days a week. business is slow, but i know it takes a while to build up. i'm still teaching nights at the school. joy watches a one-year-old girl named isabella two days a week, so our combined income has been enough to pay for all of the necessities; it'll be nice when the business picks up, so that we can save up for a house, etc.

one of the hairdressers bleached my hair and died it blue-green. he's going to dye it purple for me in a few weeks.

joy and i got two baby rats, both girls. their names are cleopatra and anastasia, or cleo and ana for short.

life has been pretty nifty. aside from occasional stress over finances, i can't really complain.

my foot is asleep. :( i think i might go do the dishes. if you happen to read this, i hope that your life is full of blessings.

love,

carley

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Subject:	almost two months?
Time:	4:19 pm.
Music:	(in my head) Indigo Girls - Strange Fire.

has it really been that long since i last updated? wowza. i've been busy. and on the days i haven't been busy, i've been so unbusy lounging around and resting that livejournal has been the last thing on my mind.

lesse.. quick recount of events since the beginning of june:

the first two weekends i spent in eugene with joy, and then she came up the following weekend for my birthday. the next weekend, we moved her up. (: the fourth of july was uneventful - i didn't have to work, so we just lounged around, made food, made juice, read, napped, and stayed inside that evening because neither of us like fireworks. i was in a down mood since my grandpa died last year on the fourth, but we watched the princess and the warrior so i was consumed in being giddy and listening to people speak german, so it was a nice distraction. (:

the following day joy's friend jasmine came up on the train and we drove up to anacortes to visit her (jasmine's) son zacheyea, who is two. that was a blast - joy watched zacheyea full-time before he was suddenly moved up to anacortes by his asshole father in may, and she hadn't seen or talked to him much since. she was very excited. (: jasmine, too. the weekend following that was the oregon country fair, so we were down in eugene. it was ab-so-loot-ley amazing. i love that event. it was neat being there with joy, since she's worked there the past few years and knew a ton of people who were either working, or just meandering around. we rocked out and danced to lots of music.

last weekend we both took an adult/child/infant CPR and first aid certification class at the oly red cross; she wanted to get certified before she starts doing childcare up here, and my certifications were about to expire. i can't say it was fun, but it was interesting. sunday we went down to vancouver to witness the union of ms. natalie and her jeff. hooray for weddings! i got to be the maid of honor. (*: it was a very pretty ceremony. yay! and this coming weekend, i have a class to teach on saturday, then we're going to see tori at marymoor park... !*@&!!&!#^*!#! and an authentic movement workshop in kirkland on sunday.

TORI TORI TORI TORI TORI TORI TORI!!! :D :D :D an amusing fact: joy and i were both at the portland show last year, only she was in one of the rows closer to the stage. now we get to see her together. excitement abounds. :D

i've been working a whole lot - this term is comprised of 10+ hour days mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays. i decided yesterday to step down from the student clinic coordinator position next term - ashmead was recently bought by a big, HUGE company called Corinthian Colleges Inc., and i hate huge corporations, and since joy moved up and we've decided to stay in olympia for at least a few years, i figure i might as well start a definite massage practice. i hope to get a job at radiance downtown.. i love that place. they're hiring, and i dropped off my resume and am completing a written interview. we'll see what happens.

joy's been resting and recouperating, and getting to know her way around town. she doesn't have a job yet, but we typed up a spiffy resume and made flyers to post around town, so hopefully the phone will start ringing soon. it'll be good to have a combined income - then we can pay things off sooner, and hope to buy a house next year, or the year after.

i think that's all i'll babble about for now, i need to get back to work.. but i hope everyone is doing well, and if you've emailed or called me recently i WILL get back to you very soon! :D

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Time:	10:31 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	Loreena McKennitt - The Mask and Mirror - Full Circle.

licking the maple syrup off of my plate, wishing i were licking something else.. umm..

i just made yummy organic carrot/kale/celery/wheatgrass/ginger/garlic/broccoli juice to take to work tomorrow.

i drove home from oregon at midnight, and got here at 3:30 this morning. joy and i had taken a nap around 9 for an hour or so, and then i slept from 3:30 - 7:30, and today was the beginning of the school term.. however, everything was fine. i felt a bit funky due to the strange sleeping schedule, but not tired, or any of that. hoo-ray. i only have 12 students in the term 1 evening class. small-ass. but they will get lots of one-on-one time, ohh yes. and apparently i gained a few in term 2? now there are TWENTY-FIVE?! i don't know i believe it, as the maximum legal limit is 24, but we'll see. blah blah blah work blah blah. i'm teaching monday thru thursday nights this coming term. i'll have fridays off, but plan to do massage down here in the neighborhood. i should type up a resume and print it out at work, and take it around to places 'n stuff.. yeah.

and since it's the first week of the term, i have to do orientations tomorrow, wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday, which means i can't leave for eugene until 9:30 am on saturday. D:< ah well. she moves up in 25 days, i can't wait..

in your heart, in your soul
did you find peace there?

time to go wash dishes, and clean the juicer. hum de dum..

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Subject:	gimmeh kiss. are you married? come to my birthday party.
Time:	1:16 am.

aaaaaaaah it's early. but i'm eating soy ice cream and just got home from oregon, so that's alright. yeehaw. the weekend was fun. joy came up wednesday, and the only thing that sucked was that i still had to work. but she just slept and made food and "surfed the internet" (har) and bummed around the apartment and walked around outside, so all was well.

friday night was graduation. yet another class out the door. the first class i taught will be in 3rd term next term, how quickly my time has been spent.. joy got to meet some of my coworkers, but not jacki or lorine, whom i wanted her to meet the most. jacki was sick and lorine went to port townsend or port angeles or port whatever with her wo-man. meep. saturday we lazed around in the AM, stopped by joy's parents' house in p-town, and made it to eugene in time to catch the tail end of nedim's birthday party. he's THREE! jae-zus. and there was mmm cake.. mmm. and saturday night we went to the folk festival! and saw the sugar beets play! and i got to meet joy's friend/ex-girlfriend kristen, and she was nice, and we watched ned again yesterday and took HIM to the folk festival for a little while. then after we took him home, we went back to the folk festival, and i got to meet joy's other ex emily, and we all walked to the park, and it was such a wonderful day out.

i ended up calling in to work today. :P not officially, we just didn't get done with breakfast until about 10, so if i had left right then i wouldn't have gotten to work until 2 or 2:30, and there would have been almost no point in that since everyone leaves at 5 or so. bleh. lorine's actual words were "ah fuck it, take the day off." i love my boss. :D and we hiked spencer's butte, which is the highest mountain/large hill in eugene, and it was marvelous and sunny, and i love hiking, and ahrr! then i had to leave. :( and i have to work 10 hours today and tomorrow, but that's okay because tomorrow night is the season finale of buffy, and since classes are over i'll actually be able to watch it, even though i've missed the last six or seven episodes.. ah well. and joy comes back up on thursday. yeehaw.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i should go to bed. i feel bad about not having been up in seattle as much as i used to be. i'm just in my "love bubble". that's what jacki called it. mew. mew?

sleep.. sleep? yes. cha.

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Time:

4:21 pm.

so!

hello again, littael jurnahlllll. today is friday, yay. i'm at work, but i leave again in a half hour, so i don't feel like getting anything done. this week has far surpassed last week in good things, mainly because last week was Sucky, Hellish, Ironic, Terrible. no more SHIT. (: i was up in seattle for mama's day and got to spend some time with mom and mark, and see my little bro and sis. was supposed to see the leenie, but that fell through for some reason. i hope the leenie is okay?

car status: wow. a lot has happened. i was talking to my mom and mark, and mark suggested this plan: that he buy the daewoo and little white honda from me, in return for paying off my daewoo loan. i still owed about $5000 on that P.O.S. car. that seemed to be great. so i owe my dad $2400 for the little white honda - he loaned me that, so that i could pay joy's parents and the title can be switched to washington state. the daewoo is completely paid off. relief.

so what did i do on monday? go out and buy a new car, even though mark said i could drive the little white honda if i needed to?

...yup. i am the Haggler Extraordinaire. i got a 2003 Honda Civic LX (DARK BLUE PRETTY!) for just above cost, with a 1.9% APR. fucking unbelievable deal. yeehaw. so i still have car payments, and they're slightly higher than the daewoo, but i was anticipating having to pay the daewoo off still, so everything works out fine.

various ideas lead me up to wanting to get rid of the daewoo even before it crapped out on me. now i have a SAFE car, with a good body design, crumple zones, safe for carting children around in the back seat. a car that won't break down on the side of the road when we're out in the middle of the nevada desert at burning man next year. a dependable, proven car. a honda. yip.

and that is the status of my car.

joy came up on wednesday. :D!! i had to work wednesday morning, and had two clients wednesday afternoon/evening. but we went exploring and ate dinner at the Fishbowl, a wonderful pub/brewery in oly. yum falafel. yesterday was an interesting day for the weather, what with all the sun, rain, hail, and lightning mixed together. last night was my last class for this term, and a full moon in scorpio and lunar eclipse..

and tonight is graduation! joy is getting a massage at my coworker's spa right now. yeehaw. and she's done in a half hour, and then we're going to maybe eat something, and go to graduation. and tomorrow morning it's off to eugene we go, with a stop by her parents' house to a) say hi and hang out with them and b) write the bill of sale for the little white honda, and give them a check.

these next two weeks are school break. that is wonderful. oh, and rachel - we're going to ~~bumbershoot~~ FOLKLIFE on friday. :D

i should get to work. hello, everybody. (:

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Subject:	so umm..
Time:	8:41 pm.

is today just the SHITTIEST POSSIBLE DAY IN THE HISTORY OF EXISTENCE?!

i skimmed over my friends list, and it seems that most people had a horrible day today. while that doesn't offer me any comfort, it does offer a sense of community. or not even that, i just don't feel so alone.

the day didn't start out as a total piece of shit. that at least is good. joy and i had a yummy breakfast at the wonderful morning glory in eugene, it's always wonderful to wake up next to her and roll around lazily and then mozy over to MG with mussed hair and eat yummy organic vegan food.

i had to leave shortly thereafter, much to both of our disappointments, so that i wouldn't be late for work. HAH. HAH HAH HAH. i laugh at that now. late for work, pshhh. it would be nice if i were just LATE. instead, i'm home, again. on a monday evening. my paychecks are going to be puny. though i've gotten over that. anyhow. on the way to the freeway i passed a huge, terrible accident. right at the intersection that we had driven through but an hour before. a school bus and van had collided, and there were three fire trucks. it was a horrendous sight. and it filled me with the dread that something was going to happen to my car, and i got very emotional and filled with sadness for the people involved in the accident, and hope that they were all OK, and relief that neither of us were in the accident.

the drive went well, until my check engine light came on. a little over a half hour south of oly. pulled off to the side of the road, the car died. i tried to restart it. it wouldn't go. i tried calling the emergency roadside assistance thing on my window sticker, but the number wasn't right. called work to tell them what happened, and my phone died. i then proceeded to freak.

ended up walking for a little while before somebody pulled over and gave me a ride to a gas station. then i called a tow truck, called joy collect to freak out over the phone and hear her voice and calm down a bit. the tow truck came, we went back to my car, he checked the oil.. the dip stick thing was dry. dry, dry, dry. which makes no sense because i got the oil changed a week and a half ago. how could it have burned so quickly? i think the oil change place fucked something up, but i have no way to prove anything, and i don't really care anymore.

blah blah blah more freaking out blah blah tow to olympia blah blah. my car is now sitting at the toyota dealership, having been diagnosed with a broken timing belt. and since i was going 75 mph when it broke, the people say there are probably some bent valves and proken pistons. estimate to fix: $2000+. parts would have to be ordered. it could take up to a month or two.

!#!*(&#*(!&#*)!&*!(&#)!&#!&#(*&$@(&$*@&$(@&&!!!!!!!!??!?!?!??!!

more freaking, blah blah, called parents, blah blah. apparently joy had called her parents to tell them about things that have been going on with her work situation, and told them about what happened. blah blah blah talking blah blah blah, they're driving up here wednesday evening to let me borrow one of their cars.

i haven't known these people for TWO MONTHS and they've adopted me. i'm still shocked, but i'm counting my blessings, and am extremely grateful. i'm probably going to end up buying the car from the, since they've been thinking about selling it. it would cost as much to buy their car as it would to fix mine, and i don't know if my piece of shit is dependable anymore, so i'm tempted to just leave it and see if anybody wants to buy it. maybe some mechanic somewhere. who knows. but i still have to pay it off. that's the shittiest part. and i missed yet another day of work.

when it rains, it pours. and i never realized how dependent i am on my car until now, when i don't have one. but i'm riding into work tomorrow with my boss, and probably riding home with one of my students, then riding to an fro again wednesday with my boss, so things are alright.

today sucked some serious shit. however, i am healthy, and i have a home, and i have a job, and i have wonderful people, and I'M okay. my car broke, not me. i don't live in the mid-west, my home wasn't torn apart by tornados. i'm not unemployed. i have so many things to be thankful for, and today humbled me a great deal.

and it sucked, too.

i'm going to clean some more.. and then call joy at 9. and then go to bed and fucking SLEEP. my eyes hurt, i cried a lot today. rawr. D:<

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Subject:	i got a whistling tea kettle! :>
Time:	2:42 pm.

hai!

it just occurred to me that i haven't updated this thing in a great long while. and since i have to wait for the water to boil before steeping the tea, which i'll let steep while i shower my stanky self...

holy shit! i just tried to buy joy a greyhound ticket to come up on friday, and if i want to buy it online and am not personally the one traveling, there's an extra $12 charge. hell no. i hope she can fork the cash over, and i could just reimburse her when she gets here. i make a lot more than she does, see. and since i have it, that's the way it is. (:

le sigh. i am Super Paragraph Woman today. some days i type or write without any paragraphs, other days there are only a few sentences per paragraph. why am i typing about this silly stuff? because my throat hurts and i'm stuffy, and full of pollen allergy post-nasal drip, and playing hookie for a little while on this beautiful sunny afternoon? i think so, yes..

anyway. life.. life has been blooming. i am a heppy gurl. work was up in the air for a while, because i was thinking of possibly moving to oregon at the end of the summer, but then all this shit went down with joy's work and blah blah and we decided it would make much more sense for her to move up here. so the director of education will be happy to find this out. :P

so it's been since april 10th, eh? that was the update about the ocean. there have been three weekends since.. teehee. i believe the weekend after that we volunteered at this benefit dinner for Autism Rocks!, a group based in Eugene for autistic people and their friends and family. that was a riot. :D last weekend we went to see The Ovulators, her friend's band, and shook our booties. hooray. we also went to the park last sunday and played with her little friend nedim. i taught him how to use a camera and we took lots of pictures. the pictures are very cute, i'll have to get many copies because i'm sure that both joy and ned's parents will want the pictures too.

yee. paragraph, yes. she came up this weekend and we went to peter and greta's house in kirkland for a day of authentic movement. twas fun. we were supposed to stay up at my mom's on friday and saturday nights, but then my mom decided (i'm guessing with a bunch of mark's influence), that she didn't want us staying there unless we slept in separate rooms. i was extremely insulted, since when we went up for my sister's birthday the issue of where we should sleep never even came up. it shocked me that it was ok that time, but now it's not ok anymore. i still don't quite know why.

my dad said the same thing. whatever. i told them that they both have to deal with their internalized homophobia before i want to be around them, because i don't feel welcome in their homes anymore. you might think that i took it a bit too far, but the conversations i had with them were just... bleh. nevermind.

so we stayed in olympia friday evening. that actually worked out better, because the train was three hours late. it wouldn't have gotten in to seattle until around 11 pm. whoa buddy. saturday we had dinner with OMIKINS at cedar's. mmm, cedar's. and i got my hair trimmed, and we bummed around in woodland park. it was so nice out. (: saturday we stayed here again, and had a lazy sunday morning. we then proceeded down to portland and

WENT OUT ON LAKE OSWEGO WITH HER PARENTS IN THEIR LITTLE CUTE BOAT! teehee! and we almost tipped the boat over! :\ but we didn't. that would have been bad, considering that i could potentially go deaf if i get any water in my ears. guffaw. it was so fun. they're planning to come up here and take the boat out into south puget sound. her parents are so neat.

we went out to dinner at cafe paradox in portland and her dad ordered a dish with tempeh in it. neither of my parents would touch anything tofu. i got my mom to drink soymilk with her lattes, but that's the extent of any of my parental soy-having. that was very impressive. her mom was slandering GWB the entire time, and recruited joy and i to take to the streets next november to "make sure that asshole does NOT get re-elected!" her parents say fuck. and they quote movie lines. they're a lot more laid back than mine. i still love my parents, but joy wants hers to adopt me. :P

and saturday was my mom's birthday, which was the whole reason joy came up here instead of me going to eugene for the whole weekend.. and i never even saw my mom. oh well. i'll give her her birthday present for mother's day instead. :P

next weekend is beltane! :D and she's coming up again. two weekends in a row! and hopefully we will have breffas on saturday with marina and kate and staci.. if i don't have to work.. i might have to work. :( and we have to go back to eugene early on sunday because joy has to work. but that's ok, ned is damn cute.

so the tea is steeping and i'm obviously not in the shower.. i want my income tax return to come so that i can buy a juicer and juice yummy wejjatuhbles. yes. ok. shower, then work. and perhaps i'll update this thing more often than once every 19 days.

hope everyone is doing well. (:

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Subject:	so...
Time:	8:59 pm.

i'm sitting at work.. it's 9 pm, i could have left an hour ago, but for some strange reason i decided to hang out. initially i was going to use this as an opportunity to clean out my workspace, get papers organized, get everything in order, since this is the one thing that i seem to have let get severely disorganized.

however, i have yet to get to that part. i've been puttering around on the internet for an hour. :P checked this thing and realized that i hadn't updated since last friday. figured i would update.

i sound so incredibly enthusiastic, using all of these sentence fragments.. ah well. so last weekend.. yay! last friday i did not go into work, i slept in until around.. 11:30 i think? i got a total of 20 hours, and virtually kicked my sickness' ass. (: left for oregon around 2:15, though i was planning to leave around 1:30. oh well.

so i got down onto 205, the quickest shot through portland. i was almost to exit 6, which is shortly before it merges back onto I-5, when traffic started slowing down. a few police and ambulances came by on the left shoulder, so i figured there was an accident. i passed a minor accident going pretty slowly, figuring that was what was causing the back-up. little did i know. :P

after getting about half a mile further, traffic pretty much came to a dead stand-still. i went another half mile in the next hour. finally getting to the exit, i decided to just get off and go to the chevron, because i had to pee. i asked the clerks if they knew why traffic was so backed up, and they said it was because around 3 pm, there had been a horrible 16-car accident. that was a bit of a reality check, because had i left "on time" (at 1:30, as originally planned), i would have been on that stretch of highway around 3 pm, and could possibly have been one of the cars in that accident. sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways.

they weren't letting anyone back onto the southbound freeway - in fact, they were pulling people off of the southbound freeway using the onramp, and making them get back onto 205 northbound. i was thinking NO WAY IN HELL am i going back up to get onto I-5 south, then sit in traffic in portland during rush hour.. so i found my own way. i saw a stop sign up a hill, and went up to the stop sign. taking a right would take me south, so i took a right. i had no fucking clue where i was going. but i figured if i kept heading south, i would run into another freeway onramp, down below where the accident was.

further down the road i came to another stop sign, and decided to go left. no idea why, i just took a left. drove even further down that road, and figured i must be onto something, because it too was backed up. when i finally came to the stop sign at the end of THAT road, i realized why - all of the locals must have taken that way to get back to 205, because the freeway was right there. there was a sign pointing right, saying 205. i cheered. :D got onto the freeway whilst staring at the parking lot of northbound 205.. everyone must have been slowing down to look at the accident. and when i looked back up southbound, it was TOTALLY EMPTY. freakiest sight in the world. it was creepy.

so i got to eugene a little later than planned, but still safe and sound. and the weekend was amazing. saturday joy and i drove out to florence, which is right on the coast. we walked down the hobbit trails to the beach and danced around in the rain for a while. we didn't stay out long, because it was REALLY RAINING, and i wanted to get over whatever it was that was lingering in my sinuses. sunday i accompanied her over to watch one of the kids she sits for. i was going to drop her off and then go explore downtown, but i ended up just staying and playing with all of the kids at the house. it was such fun. :D

this week has been hell. monday was LONG - i drove up from eugene in the morning, then worked all afternoon and evening, until 10:15 pm. tuesday i had to work 8 am - 10:15 pm, and something funky was going on with the energies of the planets, because i was SUPER EMOTIONAL that day. almost cried numerous times, for such petty reasons. it was the midterm for my term 2 classes, and there were some student confrontations, and generally high stress everywhere because all of the students stress over their grades.

yesterday was a make-up day for term 1, so i had to teach again from 10 am - 10:15 pm. and today i was here at 7:30 am, and i haven't gone home yet. i haven't gotten enough sleep any night, and i'm wanting to finish all this up so that i can get home and get enough sleep tonight. i have to work late tomorrow because i was sick last friday, which means i probably won't leave for oregon until about 7 pm tomorrow evening. that'll put me there at 10:30. :( but if i leave any earlier, i'll hit all of the friday southbound traffic, so i might as well just wait. rawr.

i will be glad when tomorrow evening comes, because it'll mean that this week is over. and that will be a great relief.

overall, i'm doing very, very well, and am very, very happy.. (:

ok. now i'm actually going to go and do the things i need to do. it's 9:13 pm. over and out.

Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.

Time:

12:23 am.

would you look at the time? no, i am not a bad girl staying up until all hours. i actually have been asleep since 3:30 pm.

i am sickly. it is not fun. i found a sub for my class last night, and my clinic partner in crime came in early so that i could go home. aside from a brief stint at 6:16 pm where i was rudely awakened by my cellphone ringing (it was a WRONG NUMBER!) and decided to drain my sinuses, i slept clear thru. i woke up right at midnight for a chance to pee, drank another liter of water, drained my sinuses again, and thought i'd check my email.

i told people at work that i probably won't be in tomorrow (err, today) either, and from the way i feel right now i won't go in. i need to sleep, sleep, sleep. though i'm still planning to go to oregon. i'm not contageous anymore, and i can be sick at joy's just as well as i can be sick here.. i'd just be a happier sick girl if i were at joy's, and happiness is one of the keys to a swift recovery. :D

alright.. off to sleep for another 11 or 12 hours. meep.

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Time:

1:29 pm.

raar! hooray for being naked and slathering burt's bees milk and honey lotion all over one's body. burt's bees milk and honey, you smell oh so good. MMMM.

as soon as i'm done slathering lotion all over myself and get dressed and pack an overnight bag, i'm headin' up to the post office to send joy's package* and then up to seattle for mister alex's birthday par-tay. hooray for the man turning 20!

speaking of those turning 20, today is also the wombat's birthday. AND SOMEBODY DIDN'T SHOW UP TO THE PARTY LAST NIGHT BEFORE I WENT HOME, SO SOMEBODY DIDN'T GET A BIRTHDAY HUMP. :( but stubbies, oh yes, somebody got stubbies. happy effin' birthday, honeypants. we need to hang out. and soon.

aaaaaand, last night was the fluxus endus party. good-bye to the flux, and here here to its inhabitants moving on to bigger and better stages of their lives. courtney's going to iceland? jesus. i want to go to iceland. mmmm.. iceland.

so yes. must finish slathering lotion on self. tonight is also omi dinner and party night, she is going to be my "date" to michael the girl's birthday party. michael is one of the few people i still talk to from high school. she is an amazing artist. by amazing, i mean she was publicized and having her work displayed at the seattle art museum when she was a freshman in high school. i was going to have her paint a big mural on my volkswagen bus, before we got it painted bright cherry red, and then even after we got it painted bright cherry red, but i took the bus to texas and it stayed there, so no mural. ah well. she is turning 21, and we get to party with members of KMFDM at her birthday party. i'd say that rocks. i also get to wear my skin-tight red spaghetti-strap crushed velvet dress, because it is a "rock star" party. and she wants everybody to be a rock star. and that's the closest attire i've got.

jesus, i'm rambling. time to scoot. woot. ciao.

*package includes: 20 delicious home-made wheat-free, gluten-free, refined sugar-free vegan dark chocolate chip cookies, a pair of warm socks since all of hers are worn out, mixed CD number two, various letters i've written in the past week, a bag o' emergenC packets, a bag o' Traditional Medicinal tea bags, a stuffed animal i had when i was a baby, a few postcards, a tori sticker, and a toys in babeland "polish your pearl" sticker. meep. :D

Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	i myself praise kali
Time:	9:04 pm.
Mood:	happy.
Music:	Kinnie Starr - Kali (courtesy of joy's mixed tape).

some people have asked if everything turned out alright, which means that there are generally more people who are wondering, and haven't asked. so yes, everything turned out fine. the bus from medford to eugene, which she boarded, was two hours late getting into eugene because of "technical difficulties". they made better time than anticipated, because she got to the station here at 9:40.

which means that when i got there at 10, she had been waiting for 20 minutes. it was dark, it was cold, it was raining, and she had forgotten to bring my phone number with her.. she was, to say the least, very relieved when i arrived. we had a quiet evening, filled with cookies and the movie "contact".

saturday was blissful, and she got to meet everyone at the equinox celebration. we spent the night at my mom's, and went to my dad's in the morning. then sunday afternoon, the house was slammed with relatives to celebrate my sister's 23rd birthday. so in one weekend, she got to meet a huge group of friends, and the majority of my immediate family. :D

and on the drive back down sunday evening, we stopped at her parents' house in portland, and i got to meet her parents, dog, and kitties. hooray! this week has been nice. there are some weird energy patterns floating around in the world though, and it's been making everybody feel a bit funky. today was my short day, though, and i got to give courtney a massage. :D

now i am baking cookies to send in a package, and listening to the mixed tape she made for me. :D mmm.. kinnie starr.

boy tongue to boy tongue is sexy and you know it,
and girl lips on girl hips is perfect and we show it

and in a half hour i am going to call her. :D

things are going well, but "well" doesn't nearly do things justice.

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	raar
Time:	9:12 pm.
Mood:	nervous.
Music:	Mstislav Rostropovich - J.S. Bach Cello Suites - Suite 1-IV.

war, rain, fire alarms, and late busses.

war. WHAT CAN I REALLY SAY. jesus. i won't even go into that. when asked what my opinion on the war is, this is what i've been telling people: i hope that it is over quickly, with the least amount of casualties possible, and that the outcome is as pleasant as possible for all parties involved.

RAIN. WHAT CAN I REALLY SAY. it's raining. HARD. it took me an hour to get home from work, because it was raining.. hard. bah! it's washington. it's almost april. it's supposed to rain cats and dogs, and salmon, and seaweed, and flowers, and whatever else you fancy.

fire alarms. WHAT CAN I REALLY SAY. oh yeah. i can say quite a bit. i was just sitting here minding my own business, plucking at my guitar, when all of a sudden BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! this obnoxious sound comes through a little panel in the wall, sounding like my smoke alarm. i think at first that it IS my smoke alarm, so of course i run around checking to make sure that i DID turn the oven off after baking cookies, and that the heater didn't catch anything on fire, and that i don't have any candles lit, and that the incense isn't burning. so nothing in my apartment was causing the smoke alarm to go off. i open a window and hear a huge bell thing outside, so i walk outside, and everyone else is gathering in the middle of the parking lot. i then realize that it's an entire apartment complex fire alarm. it continues beeping annoyingly for a few minutes, and people are milling about wondering what's up, and then all of a sudden it stops. just like that. maybe it was a drill? terrorist attack drill? hmm. i guess i won't know. but i guess it doesn't really matter.

late busses. WHAT CAN I REALLY SAY. joy was supposed to be on the 8:20 bus, but there's another one coming up at 10, and she's probably on that one. mom said that there were protesters blocking the streets in portland, and i'm sure it's been raining cats and dogs and salmon and flowers and shoestrings and whatever else all down the coast. still, i'm a bit worried. i just want her here safely, as quickly as possible. 40 minutes until i head back to the greyhound station to see if she's on the 10:00 bus.

now, back to playing guitar. what an interesting evening.

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	sitting on a cornflake
Time:	7:33 am.

ahh, it's friday morning. i'm eating toast and dancing around to the beatles in my living room wearing jeans and a bra. i was going to get fully dressed, but figured i'd leave the shirt off in case the beatles summon sarabear and she comes by to groove with me. this way she'll have reason to stay longer. (; *cue leenie saying 'TITTIES!!'*

today is a happy day. yesterday was not such a happy day, and i felt like poo for the last hour of my class. to the point where i called courtney and had to reschedule her massage. :( but my body needed rest, and i am feeling well-rested and energized and no longer pooey.

big hearts for beatles. big hearts for toast. big hearts for sara. big hearts for courtney. and big big big hearts for joyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. 8:30 this evening! yeehaw.

ahh, i think sara decided to come. her presence is up somewhere by my microwave. we are singing verses of Hello, Goodbye to each other. love love love sara.

okie! time to groove and get to work!

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	my heart is full of joy.
Time:	11:41 pm.

literally.

if i were to draw a picture of joy, she would be a person. because she is a person. i'm not making any sense probably, though i make perfect sense to myself. i find that that is the way it happens most of the time.

there is a girl named joy. she lives in eugene, and is an extension of myself. i met her at *gasp* lesbopalooza. that sounds very cliche. it was actually quite funny, but the universe works in mysterious ways. we met at around 11 pm and spent the next 12 hours together, talking almost nonstop. two and a half of those hours were spent standing outside in the rain in the middle of the night and talking. jenni and arjuna got the entire story. i'd be happy to tell you, so ask if you'd like, though typing it out doesn't do it justice. words don't do it justice.

so, i went back down there last weekend, and had an absolutely beautiful time, and she is coming up on friday to spend the spring equinox weekend in good ole' washington.

and i am happy. so very, very happy.

and very tired. it is tuesday, after all, and i was at work for 14.5 hours. now i shall brush my teeth and fall asleep, with a poem she wrote tucked underneath my pillow.

i wish that the delight filling my soul could surround the entire world and quell all of the nonsense going on. i can only hope that the war with iraq is brief, does not result in many casualties, and has a peaceful outcome.

yes.. and now, i dream. (:

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

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