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[28 Apr 2004|07:41pm] sunny day real estate "return of the frog queen" Turn round hi hey, i've heard rumors, turn round again, tongue tied alarm me, i've shined a smile to, and every time you cry i'll cry for you, then all these fields will turn into mud, and every time you smile i'll smile for you, in my dreams it goes this dubious day, waiting a year hereafter. -Of LP2, I have: friday, theo b, red elephant, 5/4, waffle, j'nuh. post comment

I miss the crew. [27 Apr 2004|10:55pm] [ mood | sad ] left behind Take a minute to look at them as individual words; and together; apart. Everybody freezes. Everybody moves. No one has a single clue what happened, but for some reason, that person over there looks awefully familiar. And you haven't the faintest clue as to why, or where you know them from. They bring up a certain misplaced homesick nausea. Nostalgia. Could one of my biggest fears be being forgotten about? Losing touch? I feel so small. "you're just on overload and you're letting it get to you." I hope so. I'm sorry to everyone I flipped out on today. Maybe it's better no one picked up. 4 comments|post comment

finalz will kill any aspiration, determination [27 Apr 2004|07:52pm] Monday- english final, died Wednesday- 1:30? math final Friday- 10:30 systems final, 1:30 art history final, ? die, 8 Liquid Cafe, Lee i need more classes. i need to call for those jobs. i need to quit being a douche bag. oh man. math paper, accomplished. do you need to study for a math final if you can use the book? human systems, art history, we will take this outside. post comment

[27 Apr 2004|03:27pm] YESTERDAY WAS A DAY OF LiBERATION oh I'm talking in caps. Typing. Bad things that happened: --my math paper sucked; i forgot to print it because i was distracted and was late to class --i went to the smoothie hut to chill out [stress], and knocked over my half finished smoothie in art history --i had to leave human systems review to take my english final Liberation that happened: --I ate a whole lot of good food at Big Al's --I have Photoshop CS --http://www.illwillpress.com --I met Nick at WalMart and stole a tie --Nick and I liberated ten port-o-potties in Cape Coral; three on one street- which could have easily been 12, but we quit --Jon time --to bed earlier [12-1AM] Started bad and ended good. Oh liberation you make me feel wonderful. 1 comment|post comment

from the woodworm mailing list [27 Apr 2004|03:06pm] A Soft Perversion's going away show, this Friday @ The Liquid Café 8pm, 21 & over free, under 21 $5. With Acoustic Performances by Patrick Norris of The A4, Matt Cook of Shot Gun Wedding, Enoch Bledsoe of Enoch&Jeremy; Will s o m e o n e go with m e ? 5 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2004|02:32am] [ mood | drained ] I'm getting really good at talking. My progress is phenomenal. Progress however on this paper, can puke on my dick. I am out. <3 baby boy 1 comment|post comment

[26 Apr 2004|12:48am] [ mood | sad ] 'lately i'm feeling like a falling bomb' [Thursday] (Jon sucks because he say they suck) It's been a strange, hard, and most outstanding second semester. I'm going try and not dwell, but improve- as if I had to say so.. 3 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2004|12:18am] [ mood | sad ] if i dont go to magic fest i might kill myself. I only continue to mention and post this because everyone i know should be going. http://www.livejournal.com/users/scumfux/15751.html i would like to make it an UHT! Crew thing but y'know, if i end up going with others it's fine. i just really miss them incredibley and I know maximum funnage would happen if we went together. Main Entry: meg·a·lo·ma·nia Pronunciation: "me-g&-lO-'mA-nE-&, -ny& Function: noun Etymology: New Latin 1 : a mania for great or grandiose performance 2 : a delusional mental disorder that is marked by infantile feelings of personal omnipotence and grandeur - meg·a·lo·ma·ni·ac /-'mA-nE-"ak/ adjective or noun - meg·a·lo·ma·ni·a·cal /-m&-'nI-&-k&l;/ also meg·a·lo·man·ic /-'ma-nik/ adjective - meg·a·lo·ma·ni·a·cal·ly /-m&-'nI-&-k(&-)lE/ adverb Main Entry: om·nip·o·tence 2 : an agency or force of unlimited power Main Entry: gran·deur 1 : the quality or state of being grand : MAGNIFICENCE 1 comment|post comment

[25 Apr 2004|09:59pm] [ mood | devious ] [ music | underoath [so fucking tough guy] ] If this week doesn't kill me, I can survive Uma Thurman with Japanese steel on her period. Word. Die, school, die... post comment

[24 Apr 2004|08:11pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] [ music | beauty's confusion ] i have decided i am in love with beautiful artistic erotic photography. the suicide girls type, kind of. a lot of what you find on here at deviant. i cannot get enough of it. now only if i had the guts to muster to have a model or direct photography of myself with someone. beautiful. beautiful. beautiful. beautiful. beautiful. there is no other word. i am in love with it. also-- i had one of the best conversations ever. being open with anyone, especially when you care about them- just letting them in on my life- is really comforting and intimate. that and having the comfort a person knows you so well. this is a milestone. i will remember staying up late with you for years to come. if nothng comes out of this, i dont want anything to move forward. this is a period of me being completely honest with everyone and everything. this is a period of me becoming what i want. doing what i want. saying what i want. knowing you can tell someone everything, and be completely honest about it, is beauty at its finest. we laid down so much i could walk forever. this is really great. closeness is someone is so comforting. so comforting. how many times have i typed that? one day i'll stop talking about myself and cussing so much that i'll listen. but it was different. it wasnt completely out of arrogance. and i did breathe. 1 comment|post comment

[23 Apr 2004|01:55pm] ( a boy haircut on a girl is hott: lesson one ) 14 comments|post comment

let me back in the circle [23 Apr 2004|01:10pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | to me, coming from you, friend is a four letter word ] I don't have anything to what? I can't get over this feeling of guilt and lonliness. Or the fact that anything can fuck everything up. I want my ring back. I want happiness back. I want the crew back, but I know they're happy where they are, or will be happy when they leave. Yeah, I fucked up by disappearing. I am completely out of the loop. I dropped off the face of a round planet? Yeah. Why this hits me now, a year after the fact, I don't know. Maybe because all was not lost until now? Perhaps. I knew I'd be left. I thought maybe by now I'd have my shit together, but I don't. I am nowhere near being complete. I kept thinking it can't possibley be this hard, because look how easy it is- there they go off into the distance.. but t h e y are not m e . I am the blender in this relationship. Please don't cry. I couldn't imagine life without. Well, look at what I'm doing. Look at what happened. Look at where I am, and where you stand; so far and few between. Apart. You haven't a clue of how I want to be there, in your position, standing next to you, saying it will be okay. I don't want to be here, but I don't want anyone to leave; even when they already have. This calls for change. Change will bring new. And new means happy. I don't care how long it has been, or what has happened that I have missed. You are the same person, and so am I. I've never wanted to rewind before. I hate knowing that I can't change anything. I have to move forward in order to fix things; do I grasp this?? 3 comments|post comment

[23 Apr 2004|01:15am] [ mood | moody ] [ music | fugazi ] If you ever have a choice to be a robot, do so. 3 comments|post comment

flock of seagulls [22 Apr 2004|08:54pm] and i ran i ran so far away i just ran i ran all night and day i couldn't get away [get me out of here] 4 comments|post comment

[22 Apr 2004|02:14pm] [ mood | rejected ] [On to something else] I am a distant fuck. I do not know why I happen to hanging out with separate people every few months. I do not do this on purpose, nor do I turn my back. Regardless of changes, you are the same, I am the same, and we did spend those times together. I will not abandon a dear friend, because friends I cherish do not walk the road, continuing to pass me by. I'm going to stop you, grab you by the shoulders, and hug the shit out of you. You can't stop me, either. We are still the same. I do not want to take anyone for granted, I just get caught up sometimes. post comment

[22 Apr 2004|01:26pm] [ mood | chipper ] I left at five and went to sleep for six hours. I woke to my mom cooking. I made an omelet, ate a bunch of fruit. My digital camera hates my SD card. They have a love/hate relationship. Today.. will consist of.. me, hopefully being productive. In my dreams I create colors. I drempt of colors. Actually I had the coolest fucking dream ever. It was a total sci-fi movie; I absolutely loved it. I don't know how to explain it. It looked like Lord of the Rings, but it was more of something trying to get us. We were being chased, we got away,.. we had magical powers like nymphs, elves and fairies,.. it was so awesome. So awesome. Bottom line is, we won.. with whatever was trying to get us.. some big monster thing that invaded our [cooler than cool] house. Check it out, I sound five. There is a show at the rising tide tomorrow with the anchorite four, a soft perversion, and minus the fall. It's $5, at sevenish. Also there's one at liquid cafe, downtown fort myers, with the strip club moms at 10ish; it's free! Show tonight at Pasta Etc. post comment

[21 Apr 2004|07:05pm] _______________________________________________________________________ times 100 million post comment

Like a movie [21 Apr 2004|01:57pm] [ mood | quixotic ] Micah and I are eating fruit. He went under the bed, I guess he doesn't want anymore. For twelve hours, I slept on and off, until three in the morning when I finally forced myself to go home. Everything disappeared and conciousness was handed off into dream world. Exact clips from The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind replayed in my head, cutting in and out from what I remember, and being interrupted by absorbing my surroundings. I'm tired. Listen. Wake up. Look. [A sleepy blur.] I still have a Korn song in my head from Monday, I think it's from Issues. My Korn CDs are fucked, but they play for the most part. Deftones' "Damien" does not play however, one of my favorite songs. If I hear one more thing about pot, I might kill someone. But you won't know if I will, will you? Regardless, shut the fuck up. Perfect. Joelie, do you think I'm pretty? Mhm. I can't believe I'm crying already. When I was a kid, I thought I was ugly. I had all these dolls, but my favorite was this one I called Clementine. And I would yell at her, 'You can't be ugly! Be pretty!' You're pretty. Pretty, pretty, pretty.. Joelie, don't ever leave me... Merswiak, please, please let me keep this one, just this one. Please. Beautiful. Main Entry: quix·ot·ic Pronunciation: kwik-'sä-tik Function: adjective Etymology: Don Quixote Date: 1815 1 : foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals; especially : marked by rash lofty romantic ideas or extravagantly chivalrous action 2 : CAPRICIOUS, UNPREDICTABLE 2 comments|post comment

[18 Apr 2004|05:19pm] I finally have a cool looking journal. http://www.livejournal.com/users/thepinkbunny I have one more paper to go and my life in complete. My goal is met. Thanks Lee : ) generator Journal help, click here: http://www.geocities.com/journalhelp/generator.html#window [HELP ME GET MY PICTURE SMALLER! IT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW THE WHOLE THING!] She tells him, “I’m going to marry you, I know it,” which feeds into his perceived weakness of falling for any woman that shows him any attention, though the sentiment and his reaction go beyond playful imaginings. They have their “first” date on the Charles River, frozen over by the winter climate, and the image of them lying side-by-side on the ice, looking up at the stars, perfectly encapsulates the desire to freeze beautifully shared moments in time, to spiritually encode love into constellations of memory. But even the ice has cracks. --I got that from this guy: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/journal_view.php?journalid=3060&entryid;=49358&view;=public 4 comments|post comment

[17 Apr 2004|09:13pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Fake Problems- the target ] Fake Problems makes me write sad things. I like it, I like the music a lot, but I do not like what I am writing. HChris, you are an accompished musician; I wish I could make/write/play music. : ) 1 comment|post comment

what the fuck does THAT MEAN?! [17 Apr 2004|05:38pm] With all of Volume one's elements, two just can't beat it- even with a samuri sword. The animation killed me in the last one. The narration was incredible. I loooved the way it flipped back and forth with back ground story boarding sooo many times. For me, it does little justice. He fucked us up with volume one, and eased so far off with two that I got bored. No action, no fighting, all story and dialogue, and surprize- your daughter's alive [that got me]. Where's the story on the cowboy? The delay on the snake? The story on the pimp? The big killing in the end?? Leave me like you left me at volume one, and I will shut my mouth. We'll see about this "Hero", Mister Tarantino. 7 comments|post comment

Daniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii [17 Apr 2004|04:20pm] </>HAPPY BIRTHDAY :d)ani*!!!!</> MAGIC FEST WILL RAPE YOU! I MUST GO!!!!!!!! UHT! CREWWWWWWW! http://www.livejournal.com/users/scumfux/15751.html 1 comment|post comment

so sweet it is pain [17 Apr 2004|03:35pm] [ mood | crazy ] My Dad also thinks I should stay home and save up for a reliable car. I really don't give a shit what kind of car I drive. I want to live in campus. I don't want the grief of having to wake everyone up when I leave and come home. I don't want the bullshit I get for driving my mother's car all around this place, up and down, back and forth, and back up its asshole again. I don't want a new car, I don't care. [What I do want, is to nap all day. What I do want, is for you to go home, so I can lay in your bed.] What I want.. is happiness. And dorms mean happiness, even if it means broke. If broke is happy, then so be it. If ramen means happy, then alright. Then I'm over it. Then go on, leave me be. I don't even have a goddamn job. Fuck you, society. If you judge, you shall be judged. Peanut butter and jellyyyy! [WHHAAAAAAAAAAT!! (SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!)] Kill Bill Volume One takes over the world and fucks it in the ass compared to Volume Two. ANIMATION? SERIOUS FIGHTING? MORE SWORDS! Fuck this sequel bullshit. If Spider-man two doesn't make me go insane I might shoot myself. Punisher was good. Very good. It wasn't cliche, it wasn't Hollywood-ed up. It was simple.. and had beautiful fucking cars in it. Why so prettyyyyyy? This car fucks you in the ass. It rules your life. If anything drives me nuts, it's old classic cars. I love them. It's a positive absolute love. BABYGIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! http://ultimategto.com 10 comments|post comment

[15 Apr 2004|06:43pm] Tue. April 20th 8pm, $2 @ Olivius, DownTown Ft.Myers on Hendry St. Enoch&Jeremy;, with Still Waiting (from, Tampa) post comment

[15 Apr 2004|06:41pm] [ mood | giddy ] Hair cut. He cut off so much; showered around me was near two inches of my hair. Browsed CD Warehouse. Taco Bell's Gordita Crunch [so good]. Call, call. call. High school.. everyone makes me so happy. Saw boy for five minutes. Art History. Home; drove to the downtown show, saw no one to stay for. I left to find Jon. Saw Fleming. Drove around for a while with Jon. The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [for the fourth time] with Mawson and weird girls. Steak and Shake. So much being cute, I might want to vomit of complete joy. 7PM Howard hall, FGCU [right of abstract statue, by clock tower] The Anchorite Four, Noah's Apathy, Crimson Fetch post comment

[15 Apr 2004|05:03pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind [seen four times] ] Someone needs to hire me, now. I am two hundred dollars away from a grand, which I was going to use on a car. No grand, no car, which I need by August. Let's go through applications I have filled out: -->Bonita Target, San Carlos Blockbuster, Fort Myers Best Buy, that ice cream place in Bonita by Regal 10, I gave my phone number to the North Naples Ben and Jerry's. -->I have forms for: Fort Myers Books a Million, Starbucks in North Naples- same as Ben and Jerry's plaza, I forget the name, and PetsMart has meeting dates. This sucks. Everyone is hiring and not calling me. I'm getting desparate. No extra money, no cheap car, no awesome dorm = absolute destruction; at least I will always have school, but the way that's going, I only have enough money for one more semester. -->Need to go to- Toys R Us, Old Navy, the other PetsMart, FGCU web site for the library {that's how desparate I am}, other Blockbusters... I would be now, but my dad went golfing. If he's not home by seven, will someone come and get me? I live five minutes from FGCU, and know exactly where to go. 5 comments|post comment

[15 Apr 2004|02:32am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | modest mouse ] Again with the strange dreams. It was a beach. There was a party, or little hang out thing. I wish I could describe the scenery. It was half of my attention, other half on a love interest. Blue, black, grey.. so dark. Sometimes there were huge crashing waves, sometimes no water at all. It must have been night, though I could still see, but noticed no moon. The beach went on forever. It may have been cold. It may have been windy. I was content. A desert of a beach, with water. Desolate. Undiscovered. In a way, I may be that. As strange as that sounds. 4 comments|post comment

[14 Apr 2004|06:02pm] My haircut is awesome. I now have bangs. Steve cut a lot off. I am happy. Liquid tonight at eight- A Soft Perversion and Enoch and Jeremey, if you can't drink [-21] five bucks. 5 comments|post comment

[13 Apr 2004|10:51pm] I a m t o t a l l y n u t s o v e r t h i s . 2 comments|post comment

[12 Apr 2004|08:35pm] Notes: The Faint- blankwave arcade, came in the mail today. I'm pretty tired. Though predominately happy. I have a test tomarrow. I want my hair cut very short. That will be wednesday. Tomarrow will be exciting regardless of plans. I will make it so. Or we. Bath? Yes. Hot, please. Make it smelly with pretty things. We watched Il Postino [?] [The postman] today in english, it's in italian. I would love to speak italian. It was about the poet Pablo Neruda. 2 comments|post comment

[12 Apr 2004|03:13pm] lay a blanket down on some random open feild and fall asleep with me. i'm tired. and you're comforting... and i don't know how to feel, sometimes, about my life. i shouldn't be here, but i don't want to leave. blank, repetitive, noiseless, feelingless.. well, really, where 'should' anyone be at all? alright... class. fuck. you know who i miss? the uht crew [wearing uht crew sweater] especially dav, here in my own town, and i dont even call his ass anymore. post comment

[12 Apr 2004|02:49pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | radiohead ] Ryan Fleming is the five minute everything. I like it rainy. I also like boy. Hah, a boy. He likes rain, too. I went on an adventure at twelve thirty for two and a half hours. I got little pizzas, pineapple soda [why?]- it's not so great. I have to get to Art History soon. I haven't gotten the lease for the Coastal Village yet, so who knows if I'm getting into the dorms. I certainly hope so. I still haven't found a job. Working late nights at Blockbuster would certainly be worth five free movies a week. Then I'd see e v e r y t h i n g . If it weren't that muggy and sloshy it might be nicer, but I love it cloudy outside. [pause]... Today I feel ____. [ p l e a s e n t ] ... my mind went blank. This is happening pretty often. I don't enjoy it. I'd completely forgte was I was saying, what I was doing, a word or words,.. [ginko biloba? yeah.] 2 comments|post comment

[11 Apr 2004|02:12pm] Who is the girl [or girls] that plays piano and sings all jazz and blues? It's chill music. They play it at Barnes and Noble. If there are a few, then give me more; name some. I have a sudden urge to listen to it. 5 comments|post comment

i love bunniesz [11 Apr 2004|03:37am] Diana and I had a lot of fun. She is one of the few I can talk to, to the point I think I talk too much. Coffeepot is getting so good. Beauty's Confusion was wonderful. I have pictures. They will come. Mandah, I stole a CD for you.. It's like a movie. Or a really cheesey song. 2 comments|post comment

nervous? [10 Apr 2004|03:06pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | the postal service- clark gable ] ready? no. okay. how about now? no? okay. now? alright. are you ready? no. what are we ready for? i dont know. now? yeah. okay. alright. only for purposes to use this mood icon. the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. jeff garris/coffeepot 7PM The Sweet Bean 4 comments|post comment

[09 Apr 2004|10:14pm] PLANETARIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! observatory. inside outside fake globe for real shit post comment

[09 Apr 2004|02:48pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | the anchorite four ] Kill Bill- volume two comes out April 16th. Volume one one comes out on video April 13th. http://killbill.movies.go.com/images/home/poster.jpg [movie poster] http://killbill.movies.go.com/ [web site] ALSO The Punisher comes out April 16th. http://www.punisherthemovie.com Spider-Man 2 comes out June 4th http://www.spiderman.sonypictures.com/ [web site] the trailor was released last night http://www.superherohype.com/spider-man/index.php?id=1173 Catwoman comes out July 30th. http://www.superherohype.com/catwoman/ Batman begins comes out June 17th, 2005. Fantastic Four comes out July 1st, 2005. http://www.superherohype.com/x-men/index.php?id=1128 [superhero movie shit] X-Men 3 comes out May 5th, 2006. http://www.comingsoon.net/movies/x/xmen3.php [comingsoon.net information] For more shit see http://comingsoon.net http://www.superherohype.com post comment

does gangster family make sense to you? [09 Apr 2004|02:01pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | the anchorite four ] i was looking for some new communities and came across naplesxcore they really seem to hate each other in there and make more useless posts than sluts make babies. also: fakexscenexcore is friends only applexxcore isnt so exciting and _unscene doesn't look so either CHALLENGE ME! [correct me if i'm wrong] anyone have any neat communities? http://www.fordocumentationonly.com/Pictures/flyer%204.jpg http://www.fordocumentationonly.com/Pictures/A3.jpg FLYERS FOR APRIL 15TH AND 16TH- CLICK THEM, YOU ASSHOLE! post comment

BABYGIRL! [09 Apr 2004|01:12pm] http://www.smartpunk.com/product.php?item_id=10957 $6. Check it out [new silence after tragedy ep] Next show April 23, 2004 @ The State Theatre. 7pm. $6 w/ UNEARTH, THE ABSENCE, SILENCE AFTER TRAGEDY, THE MOSAIC Silence After Tragedy posted in central florida rock shows. post comment

[09 Apr 2004|03:24am] [sees bug on wall] why are there so many bugs in my room? [gets closer to bug] you're weird looking. [backs off, grabs tissue] you must die. [presses tissue to wall] [bug crawls around on tissue] [finds bug, digs nail into it] [is reminded of zec's superior speech in sara] [tosses tissue to garbage can] hmm 3 comments|post comment

[09 Apr 2004|02:06am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | the postal service- there's never enough time ] i'm very much a blank page.. i want to communicate something but i can't find words. today was pretty wasted. i accomplished nothing. i didnt even shower. i remember searching for substance in a temperament like this. it's a pointless search... just a large white space, a need for noise that's somber and nice. post comment

[08 Apr 2004|04:50pm] Jon and I watched an excessive amount of TV [more than my own week's worth] and left me waking up this morning wanting pizza. I absolutely love the amount of pictures my camera can hold. My dad took the car golfing; he wont be home til tonight which means I have an excuse to do some needed studying and homework. But for now, it's time for pizza. I woke up at 3. Hell yeah. Vanessa showed me the most beautiful girl. [Micah scratches my hand] Pizza. She's so hott. ( Read more... ) 6 comments|post comment

[08 Apr 2004|04:14pm] [ mood | embarrassed ] [ music | imperial teen- birthday girl ] I'm sorry if I offended Cecile, but we [and Lexi] used to talk about everything about women back at The Center openly, so I figured I knew her well enough to not care. Also, sorry about the excessive AIM posting, but some conversations I just like, or thought others would get a kick over [also I forget everything]. I would have mass-action replied to your comments, but I dont think it is an option, so here is yet another entry about bleeding [it also being easier for me to just update, and everyone will see it]. Sorry guys- I didnt mean to cause a rukus. Don't hold back; I'm often open for suggestions. 2 comments|post comment

I bleed, she bleeds. We love it. [07 Apr 2004|08:58pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | female punk rock compilation ] I'm not arguing anything but one day men will have to live with women and be around whilist they are bleeding from their vaginas, mostly whom would say was against their will. If women enjoyed it and accepted it's not fucking going away tomarrow, then maybe women in general would be a happier gender. I am happy with the blood the falls from my crotch. I don't mind it. I just about like it. It is not a burden to me nor does it stop me from doing a goddamn thing. So guys, accept it. You dont have to see it, and women do not rub their nasty tampons in your face so.. get over it. I thought it was funny, and thought other women should enjoy their blood, and not resent the pounds of mucus, blood and nasty that will add up until they are fifty. We give the greatest gift of all- life. And if we did not exist, men would have to search for something else to poke; we're the most beautiful living thing they will find. 24 comments|post comment

Rock. Out.- throw long and not care where it hits to; deafening temple kisses [07 Apr 2004|12:20pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | this place is a prison- the postal service ] I think my stomach just said, don't worry- or that's what it sounded like to me. Since no one is here to hear it, no one else would have an opinion. Sometimes that's good. If I get out of here for next fall, I think I might ...? What's so insanely positive? I don't even have words that could describe.. Even if it is right up the street, it's going to be completely different. Down right amazing, if not too many people leave by then. Yay for changing your mind and turning around to comfortable silence. [repeats it a few times, it echoes back and forth in her head] [computer clicks conservatively {quietly}, her sinuses echo it] Today, I will see The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the third time, with xDianax. Later on will hopefully involve a certain silent [or not] happiness, most likely late at night. Until then, school will rule my life, like this gender studies course I will be taking. [I have ADD] I keep having strange dreams. I cannot get Mindless Self Indulgence/The Postal Service to leave my head. I just keep listening to them over and over and over [is reminded of the paper that was critiqued in class Monday; the teacher quoting a beautiful few sentences by yours truly]. Maybe I am a writer. This is so confusing to decide- I'm bad with decisions as it is. At any rate, I have to shower I do anything, or I will remain looking like a 'lesbian trucker' [is in no way an insult, but a quote]. Things are pretty damn wonderful. Now if I could find a shitty working car.. that can't be too hard. Nope- uh, shower [ADD]. [Small for others' benefit and blindness.] 5 comments|post comment

[06 Apr 2004|10:17pm] Thursday. FGCU- Howard Hall- 7PM?. the anchorite four, crimson fetch, jiyuna! and more! FREE! Saturday- The Sweet Bean Cafe in fort myers, 7PM- COFFEEPOT. 2 comments|post comment

[06 Apr 2004|07:23pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | ambassador ken ] I am the most vain mutherfucker you know. Well, maybe not entirely to the point of being completely self absorbed- but you get the point. Confidence can do a lot for someone. And yeah there are times I feel uncomfortable; to the point I really can't function smoothly enough to fool anyone. But hey, I'm over it. It used to be a lot worse. ( Cecile, I and blood ) 7 comments|post comment

[06 Apr 2004|06:20pm] DiabolicalJonsus: but maybe Adamantium9: hahaa DiabolicalJonsus: "lkdjladhfksajfhakjh" Adamantium9: LOL!!! DiabolicalJonsus: if that were a word DiabolicalJonsus: lol Adamantium9: [dies of laughter!!!] DiabolicalJonsus: are you okay?! Adamantium9: [shakes head] Adamantium9: yes Adamantium9: that was fucking funny as hell Adamantium9: holy fuck DiabolicalJonsus: lol Adamantium9: notice the intensity of it by my use of profanity post comment

it's on [06 Apr 2004|06:10pm] There isn't a lot that beats this. Lose your ticket, cuz I don't wanna stop dancin'! Dance dance dance! post comment

[06 Apr 2004|01:26pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | sunny day real estate ] Someone come beat my ass, because I am a pussy. You don't need anymore reason. Most violence is senseless or stupid. I promise you I can't defend myself. No, I've never been in a fight before. "You hit me right in my ear, man!" 'I'm sorry! Are you okay..??' "YEAH THAT WAS PERFECT!" [punches him in the gut] And there's good reason for it never occurring. I either run or no one has reason. I used to keep my mouth shut. I was quiet. Now everything I say has little or no relievance. Or no one seems to get my humor. I may just torture myself enough, without needing to be in a fight. Though no one has actually called me out and fought me, I have been hit. In all seriousness. In the gut, slapped in the face, perhaps pushed down, and of course threatened- for reasons I cannot recall. Most of us have seen fights before.. but am I the only one thinking it's absolutely retarded? They try to be all tough guy. It just looks like shitty dancing. No one can impress me by fighting someone and kicking their ass. I just won't give you the time of day ever again. Due to my lack of speech, I havent really fought with anyone verbally besides my mother. Usually I don't understand what the fuck is going on. I usually don't want to be involved what so ever, and walk away in any case, unless I'm dragged in or you really challenge me or cut me down. By saying something that is entirely not true about me or someone I care about, is when I get defensive. But I'm passive as hell, so I walk away without anything going any further. Anger is within. This wasn't meant to be that long- and all it is, is a ramble. I really havent any desire to feel pain unless for piercing or tattoos- which I'd probably get so nervous I'd vomit. Overall, violence is just stupid. 5 comments|post comment

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