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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Pat's LiveJournal:
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2002 | |
| 9:46 am | Light It Up Immersed in political strategies Government policies create endless catastrophes And we all pay the price when our movement becomes stagnant Anchored in apathy. We can't just give up. We can't just give in. There are no wasted attempts when it comes to action. The smallest act could cause a chain reaction That could bring this entire system down Light it up, ignite a spark, every single action could be the start Light it up, ignite a spark. It'll take all of our efforts to get out of the dark You could be the one that offers hope and inspiration To everyone who feels defeated And moves the depleted towards motivation And helps the flame continue to burn The most important thing is that we need to learn Is that we're in this together, don't shut off one another Don't ever forget that we depend on each other Light it up, ignite a spark. Every single action could be the start. Light it up, ignite a spark. It'll take all of our efforts to get out of the dark. LIGHT IT UP. |
| Monday, January 28th, 2002 | |
| 1:22 am | By The Way... By the way, that's not a picture of me. That's Max Fischer. Watch/listen to the following things and love them: Movies: Memento The Jersey Trilogy (esp. CA) Godfather II Rushmore The Royal Tenenbaums Josie & The Pussycats High Fidelity X-Men Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels Snatch Music: Thursday Whatever It Takes Pikadori Nirvana (of fucking course) STP Behind Enemy Lines The Ezekial Distillers Bad Religion (Process of Belief made me a believer again!!!) Modey Lemon Fugazi Strike Anywhere TV: Dah...tv sucks. Go with The Simpsons and Malcom. -fin- Other Media: AP Maxim & Maxim Blender drudgereport.com pittpunk punkbands.com -end- haha...I'll post again in about 6 months, I'm sure. |
| 1:12 am | Nearly One Year Ago... I was on the brink. I had almost finished up ruining myself and completely losing my innocence. What a trip. You truly don't realize how important some things are to you until you lose it all. I've tried to put a cap on everything that happened to me in the past year and most of it I've done through both thinking and through meeting people who really understand me and my thinking. I can't be more appreciative of the friendships that I've forged and/or tightened in the past year. I've never taken time to personally thank those people and I hate to get all sappy in a fucking journal but...shout outs to MikeD, Homich, Nicole, One L, Tracey, Morgan, Stacey, Kev. Metal, Jonathan and Stef, Barker, Kite, Andy Cook and everyone else who I've had the pleasure sharing AIM conversations with or long, pointless car rides to no where. Few things really kick me in the ass and make me happy anymore...and I think that's just a part of growing up and seeing things played out so many times. Fortunately, I have the people above to thank for pulling me out of the darkest times, plunging me into the darkest times and laughing at me while there, or seeing me through my decisions and listening to my advice. Posting here seems...I dunno...sometimes it's quite cathartic. I mean, journals are kept for many reasons and last year, I found it an easy way to explore my mind. But, I've now gotten to the point where I am so self aware and individualistic, that I tend to cast off journal keeping (online). I take comfort in knowing that I can vent and then at a later date, read my writing and think..."wow, I'm fucked up." But, at the same time, it's much more comforting to be self-aware and self-reliant. I have never felt like I do now, and while graduating in May is no doubt the scariest thing in my life, at least I know who I am. Nothing...and I repeat, NOTHING, will ever keep me down or ruin me ever again. Call it self-righteousness...call it whatever. I don't care much anymore. To those of you who do read this journal, I hope that you too TRULY find yourself someday and you can say you really know who you are. It took so long and I had to travel so many paths to really figure it out. I hope those roads are less painful than mine were. Take what you can from your pain...take what you can from your experiences and apply it to your life. Learn from it. Rise above. Clearing up what might have seemed foggy in the past, and I also know it was discussed in earlier journal posts...I am still straight edge. Last year, I spoke about losing the edge and all this other stuff. Truth be told, I had a lot to sort out. In my experience, I had to lose everything before I could realize what I was...and what I wanted to be. I am content with being as pure as I can be in mind, body and heart. And I will never let anything/anyone stand in the way of that ever again. I'm happy being boring and giving off the appearance that I'm miserable. It's fodder for great conversations. |
| 12:52 am | So People Like My Journal... Yeah...so people have been telling me I need to get into the habit of updating on a regular basis again. I agree, but I tend to be too lazy to write...even though on my long drives home from Staples at night, I get wonderful ideas in my head and I think, "I should write this down!" But, alas, I don't. I took time off from this journal simply because I have, for the most part, withdrawn from the "normal" world. I don't go out much and when I do, I go out with the people I always hang out with. That's certainly not a knock to anyone at all. It just turns out that way. I often end up stuck with a closing shift and after I get out of the airport, I don't feel like doing anything but jumping on the net. Basically, I spend much of my free time on the internet. Ahh...perhaps I shouldn't say "the Internet." I'll change that to: Basically, I spend much of my free time on Pittpunk and AIM. There...that's a bit more accurate. Nonetheless, over the past six months, I've really become emotionally inward and it's been quite an experience. I've enjoyed being alone. This is part one of a two part post. The next subject doesn't fit in at all with this one; thus the need for a new subject. |
| Saturday, December 29th, 2001 | |
| 12:16 am | Nearly Six Months Later... ...and post-less as ever, I return with Descendents lyrics addressed to someone who will remain anonymous for the time being. Enjoy. "Bikage" Running out of time again Where did you go wrong this time? When your problems overwhelm you Go get drunk it's party time Take a quaalude, relax your mind Relax your body tool Run from problems but You'll never get away No one loves you, and you Wonder why? Sitting there with your Mouth full of beer Your eyes are glazed, your face is red Who's gonna pick you up and use you for tonight? And when you're on the streets With a needle in your arm Selling your body for another fix Who's gonna pick you up and take You home with them tonight? Not me! Running out of breath again you're an Old maid, but you're only 15 You're losing your little girl's charm Cry all night but you'll never get it back Don't be afraid, it's not too late Save yourself, I need you here Wearing off, wearing out I can't think about this cause it makes me sick ---------------------------------------- "I'm Not A Loser" Think that I'm a loser 'Cause my pants are really too low Think that I'm a slob 'Cause I got holes in my shoes Think my cock is like I like my dirty shirt Well you can fuck off 'Cause I'm working sixty a week You think that life is really tough When your pappy won't buy You a brand new car Take a girl out she won't fuck you After you just brought her a gram of coke You spent all your money on shitty coke I'm not a loser! That's right, I'm not a loser! Cruise down the boulevard Wasting Mommy's gas while you're Looking for kicks on Friday night You're only goal in life Is to smoke a joint And decide how you're gonna get Laid tonight You are a fucking son-of-a-bitch If you are a waste of sperm and eggs, you'll probably never read this. But if you do and you think it's about you, it probably is. |
| Friday, August 3rd, 2001 | |
| 8:35 am | Reasons why I hate I.C. Light Amphitheatre: An essay by Patrick Fulton Ok...well, I can't really say I HATE I.C. Light, but I was really pissed off yesterday. For well over a month, I was promised an interview and tickets to this year's installment of the Van's Warped Tour via H20. Just to make sure everything was kosher, (because I think that this year's Warped could quite possibly be the best lineup ever)I phoned my radio peeps and confirmed my interview and ticket request. Everything was set. Yesterday, I proceeded to the show with Mike D and to my suprise, I wasn't listed on the guestlist, presslist or any other list for H20 or their labelmates Fenix TX. The woman at the desk was an absolute bitch about this whole ordeal too, which certainly didn't help my mood. So...very long, sordid story short, after numerous phone calls to NYC and Chicago, I sat in the parking lot all day and got really sunburned. I did get a chance to meet some of the kids from the Pittpunk page, though, so that kicked ass. I had better get back to work because, I'm at work...so more later (as I always say). oooh! ooooh! I have been working on my page a little bit. I might be updating soon. Stay tuned! |
| Tuesday, July 24th, 2001 | |
| 5:44 pm | Strep throat relapse? My throat hurts once again. This, after being the lucky recipient of strep nearly two weeks ago, I think it's coming back. I have these white spots on the left side of my throat. Bleh. Tonight, I'm heading to the Brian Setzer Trio show at Laga. This will be the first time I've seen Setzer, and I have high hopes. It's an over 21 show...which kinda sucks because I know more under 21 people than over 21 people who would want to be there. Oh well. It will also mark the most expensive show I've ever been to at Laga. $25 is kinda hefty. I'm such a whiner. School is just about a month away. Am I happy? Yeah, I think I am. I really want to kick some ass this year and finish on a positive note. I promised myself I'd have at least one 4.0 semester before I graduated...hopefully that promise will be answered. I started reading Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States today. Interesting read so far. I'll probably be able to contribute my own "Learn something new daily" to Mike D's discussion board after I complete the book. It's hot here today...and extremely humid. I'm thinking about NOT going to NYC to visit Kite so I can buy a camera now. I am such a man of indecision. Indecision was the downfall of some Shakespearean characters. I think indecision tends to make me stronger... While I was driving yesterday, a bee flew inside my shirt and stung me a total of six times on my arm and back. Good thing I'm not allergic to bee stings. This is a little brief. More later. -Pat Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: Descendents - Bikeage |
| Sunday, July 22nd, 2001 | |
| 12:06 pm | Bon Jovi. Yes, I did indeed go to see Bon Jovi in concert last night. I won't say that it was bad, and then again, I won't say that it was good either. I will say that the band looked really stiff and the show seemed really scripted at first and didn't really start rocking until late in the show. I've been doing well with remembering my ear plugs, and last night...I don't think I would have needed them for the music, but instead, for the crowd. Last night's "congregation" (or so Jon Bon Jovi would have us believe) was quite possibly the loudest crowd I've ever heard. That was strange. Another thing worth mentioning was the strange video show that played during "Keep The Faith." I think it was strange because it mixed images of exploding swastikas with images of people running marathons and such. Not that there was anything REALLY wrong with the video...it was just sort of hokey. Final words: loud crowd, stiff band, odd cover songs ("shout" and "twist and shout"). The battle in Genoa ended today. I was really keeping up with all the developments on Friday and through most of yesterday morning, but I don't think that anything else really happened. I do know that there is an upcoming G8 Summit or something of the like in Canada, which the Canadian officials are refusing to disclose the host city to avoid protests. I also know that George W. Bush is a bonehead. The French president commented at the Genoa summit that since people were protesting in such large numbers and the demonstrations were so violent, maybe there was something important that needed to be said. George Bush said something to the tone of, "there are democratically elected officials meeting here and they represent what the people feel is right." In other words...the protesters are full of shit. If people really wanted change, they'd tell George W. Bush what they wanted. Right. Let me say that a majority of Americans don't even know why they voted for who the voted for in the last presidential election. Not only that, go ahead and ask ANYONE what their feelings about globalization and free trade are. For the most part, the media uses the term "anarchists" in place of protesters. And that's all that most Americans know. "Hey, some anarchist was killed yesterday in Italy. Something about a summit or something. Those people are crazy." Anarchists. Rioters. People trashing a historic city. Eh, it's all the same. Don't believe everything you read or see. Even if you don't agree in saying that globalization is a horrible idea (and I don't know why you wouldn't agree), just educate yourself so you actually know what you're talking about. Find out something about what's going on...it doesn't take much. |
| Friday, July 20th, 2001 | |
| 7:20 pm | Long time, no post. I was sick last week. I was fortunate enough to get strep throat. It was the first time I've ever had strep throat. It sucks...horribly. I actually am working on my page. It's all behind the scenes and stuff right now, though. I'm gaining confidence in my writing, which is odd. This is going to be a quick update...maybe I'll write more tonight. The G8 summit is going on right now...and it's really, really, really bloody and it's gaining a decent amount of FAIR media coverage. A 20-year-old protester got shot and run over today. He died right there in the street. FOR GOD'S SAKE. Do you think there's a reason why people are protesting? Do you think there's a REAL reason why people are so violent and unrelenting with protest after protest in city after city? Gee...let's see. MAYBE BECAUSE GLOBALIZATION IS A FUCKING HORRID IDEA! More later. Bring down the World Bank: Anti-Capitalist Convergence September 28-October 4, 2001 Washington D.C. http://www.abolishthebank.org |
| Friday, July 6th, 2001 | |
| 8:54 am | Responsibility, straight edge, overdue... All right...so, I've neglected the journal for nearly two weeks, I think. I have been thinking about things a lot this summer. Hell, I've been thinking about things since February. It's weird how Mike D and I have had our lives sort of parallel each other in recent times. There's a post on his board regarding his deep inner thinking and how much and how often he just sits and does a self-analysis of sorts. Well, if there's anyone who analyzes...it's me. I've got it down to a science. Just watch me observe people some time...it's almost scary. I have a staring problem. But, well...that's another story for another time. In or around December, I decided to break the edge. I had enjoyed 20 years of complete sobriety and one evening, under moderate pressure from several people, I gave in. I had witnessed my line of reasoning stray from being a straight edge Nazi (ala trying to force my thoughts on other people, not in an Anti-Semetic way), to being a hard-nosed straight edger (almost leaving caffeine behind), to completely letting go of something that I held dear for the entire time I knew of the term. How could I let myself go so easily. There's a poll up on D's board now, concerning who was more drunk at his party last weekend. Unfortunately, I am currently in the lead. I'm not saying that I didn't have fun, because I did,and I'm not saying that drinking isn't fun, because my experiences with it, so far, have been fun. I'm just wondering why I was straight edge in the first place. I always hated the kids who bragged about how much so and so drank, or how high someone got at a party or the stupid shit that went down and concerned vomit and who could project it the farthest and so on. And now...here's a poll...with me included in it...and I seem to be the kid bragging about drinking the most. If anything that poll has given me the courage to finally write about losing the edge, because it's something I've needed to do for a while. I think, for me at least, being straight edge allowed me to have a personal sense of responsibility. Responsibility that I couldn't gain through rebellion at home, because I have a mortal fear of my father, or I was just too awkward with in my parental relationship to shake the waters in even the slightest bit. Now, here I am, single...alone...and 21. And, I basically have no big responsibilities and no one to answer to but myself. So that's why I question. And I constantly question. And I am questioning right now...and I am questioning why I've found every single way to waste time at work by doing everything but actual productive work...and I am questioning my motives for basically every action that I concern myself with. Introspection? I am the king. Straight edge? I know what it is...and I know what it meant to me and I still know what it means to me. To be continued there... Responsibility, what's that? (MXPX) This summer is time off for Pat. If I tend to be stranger than normal, let it run it's course. Things will regroup...they always do. Ideals are still set in place...I'll let them flourish...don't worry. Self-awareness and the ability to create self-analysis are two things that I hold EXTREMELY important, and I don't know where I'd be without them. I may be lazy right now, and I may be indulging, where I might have held back before, but I know that all things in my life always come full circle. That's where I'm truly blessed in my life. Maybe my Thoreauvian/Emersonian ideals are held even higher than moral responsibility and religious meanings. Or maybe they account for that responsibility and ability to see meaning and reason. I'll side with the latter. |
| Wednesday, June 20th, 2001 | |
| 7:28 pm | I actually got to review stuff today. Reviewed: REM-Reveal Good Riddance-Symptoms of a Leveling Spirit Brand New Immortals-Tragic Show Dust To Dust-ST Ivy-Long Distance Frontroyale-Your Everything Outfit Hmmm...other than that, today was quite boring and uneventful. I worked and I basically surfed the net most of the morning. I saw a ton of stuff that I want off of Ebay, and I compiled a "must buy" list of albums before I go to shows this summer. I finally got around to emailing the Reprise Records rep about getting into the Green Day show here on July 3. I've been successful in all my other show requests. I'm in for: Warped Tour, Strike Anywhere, The Vagrant Records Tour, and Deftones. I can't wait for the Warped Tour because of my interview positions! As for the others, I'm eager to see the bands on the Vagrant tour, and I'd really like to hear Strike Anywhere live, but as for this Deftones show...I've seen them live before. I think it's the reason I didn't really like the Deftones before. All their show was, the last time I saw them, was droning scream after scream. It sucked. Hopefully this one will be better. I thought about that damn Fred Honsburger Show job all day today. Damn school. Damn you. Even if I don't agree with Fred one bit, I think it would be funny to have me booking guests that would be blatantly aggressive toward him. Geez...I'd even be getting paid for it. And for my resume...wow. That's it for now. More later. I will post the reviews soon. Still to come: The new Cake single. Current Mood: creative |
| Tuesday, June 19th, 2001 | |
| 5:17 pm | Hello again. I thought I'd have more motivation to post last week, but I haven't had the time to say anything significant...or insignificant. Right now I'm listening to the new Stone Temple Pilots album. It's good so far. I've been listening to it for about ten minutes here...so I can't be that much of a judge. Today I tried to wake up early so I could ride the bus to school, because I really wanted to finish doing my stuff at the radio station, but alas, I couldn't drag my ass out of bed...so I drove. Ed, Sean and Andy were all there and it was cool. I talked to Ed about his break up situation and life and love and happiness and NYC dreams and stuff like that. I was supposed to go to the Pirates' game tonight, but I decided against it. All weekend, our phone lines were not working properly, but suddenly, last night, they were working again. I guess there was a voice mail left for me from Johnna Pro, one of my professors last year, and also a reporter for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. She made mention of a woman who was quitting her position as producer of the Fred Honsburger Show and that she had recommended me to Fred for the job. That's odd. So I called her back this morning and she gave me Fred's number...so I gave him a call. He explained to me that the position was full time and was a union job and so on and so forth. The bad part? The hours would be from 10:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. during my next and final semesters. That sucks. I already have my schedule made up and there is simply no room for that job. He did suggest a part time job, though, which would definitely kick some ass. Here's to hoping! I brought home quite a few CD's from the station today, so hopefully I can review some stuff and post it. Things with my zine might be flourishing quite rapidly here in the future. I've gotten word from Karoline that her friend Jim and a few other kids want to collaborate with me! Plus, I've been granted access to the Warped Tour this year to interview H20 and all the other bands I can find. Ahhhhhhh...a punker's dream come true. Are things finally coming together for me? Stay tuned. Current Mood:  complacentCurrent Music: Stone Temple Pilots- Shangri-La Dee Da |
| Wednesday, June 13th, 2001 | |
| 1:04 am | Wow...two consecutive posts. The world is going to end. A correction in my bit about Timmy McVeigh: he was in the U.S. Marine Corps, not the U.S. Army. I'm sorry for that error. Tonight was the AAHS Class of 2001 commencement ceremony. It was nothing out of the norm, especially with the cat calls and all. I did get to see Mr. Whyle and that was pretty cool. He's doing well, for those of you keeping score at home. It made me realize...I'M OLD! Good Lord...the kids who were freshman when I was a senior are graduating! I'm FREAKIN OLD! Congrats to those who graduated...I hope you prosper and have the chance to get out of this area and do something worthwhile. Congrats also to John and Nicole who are now engaged. They're good kids...it's been coming for a while. Here's to many more years of falling asleep during movies together. I had off today and I had planned on getting to the station, but alas, I slept until 1 p.m. That's a lot of damn sleep. Plus it was HOT when I got up. It hasn't been HOT since last summer. In fact, I don't think it's been more than 80 degrees since last summer. Plans are coming together for...my site (FINALLY!) and for the WPPJ Morning show next semester. I will most likely be interviewing H20 at the Warped Tour in August. Other than that, I may/may not be going to NYC to visit Brian. He's interning at the Late Show w/David Letterman which is kick ass enough...but I want to go back to NYC sooooooooooo much. If you're wondering why I didn't post for a while, it's because my phone line was down and I couldn't connect for a few days. I wish I had cable or DSL. Maybe next year. Well, I have to get up early for work again tomorrow, so...maybe I'll really shake the world and post again tomorrow. Later. |
| Tuesday, June 12th, 2001 | |
| 2:25 am | Yesterday morning, the federal government of the United States executed the so-called, "most despised man in America," Timothy McVeigh. Yet again, America's insatiable desire for blood reigned supreme...in the name of "justice," of course. Dried is the ink from many news stories pertaining to the actual events which led up to what has been a playground for both the media and McVeigh himself, and along with that, dried is the blood that was shed that sad April 19 in Oklahoma City. Or is it? Sure, the memories that loved ones hold dear are still pertainent in the minds of many, but what about McVeigh's story? Who's focusing on that? McVeigh has explained time and time again exactly why he took the actions that he did on those fateful days leading up to and including the day in which he took 168 lives for the 80 some lives the ATF took in Waco, Texas. But no one really listens. The media explains that McVeigh went through a tough childhood, came from a past of bullies and failures...basic hard luck. No one cares to mention that the U.S. Army probably attempted to warp his mind just as they do the minds of most of their enlistees. McVeigh was a decorated Gulf War vet. He was awarded a bronze star for, "carrying out orders." Thousands of soldiers have carried out orders throughout the history of the U.S. military, many of which included having to kill people. What would have happened if McVeigh was given orders to bomb a federal building in China for the CIA, thus killing hundreds of innocent laborers in another enemy country? He'd be seen as a hero, plain and simple. He would have struck a blow to a country that many see as evil. Instead of carrying out orders in another country, McVeigh chose to carry out his own orders in a country that he saw as the supreme evil; the U.S. Did he act alone? Not entirely, but he was indeed a very intelligent man who knew how to handle his firepower. He could have and for the most part did, handle the project on his own. No further explaination there. You can't get blood from a stone. McVeigh vehemently denies that there was a "John Doe #2." Was McVeigh justified in his actions? Yes and no. I do not condone his decision to blow up innocent people, just as I don't believe that violence is a proper reaction to any matter. I believe there are alternative means to what McVeigh wanted to accomplish, and while he explains that he tried to call attention to what he thought was wrong at the Branch Davidian compound, there is always an alternative to violence. However, I know how it is to be passionate about something you really believe in. Hell, I'll totally agree with him that the government and Janet Reno acted improperly when dealing with Koresh's cult, and I'll even say that the incident at Ruby Ridge was uncalled for, but it still doesn't really justify exploding a building. Desperate times call for desperate measures. The date was too important for him to pass up, even though there was a day care center operating on that day. How could he kill children? As easily as the army killed the folks in the Chinese embassy in Yugoslavia two years ago when we "accidentally" blew it up. As easily as the army killed children, women, and men in Vietnam. As easily as the U.S. imposed UN sanctions on Iraq are killing an entire country of people. But we look the other way...or rather, we just don't hear about it or choose to report it. We're too interested in how to get ahold of a closed circuit broadcast execution of a crazed American soldier gone bad. We're too interested in stroking the rather exaggerated size of our patriotic fallus and staking claims as to whom is a bigger supporter of "justice" via capital punishment. I hate to break this to all the holy rollers...but an eye for an eye is immoral, especially in your chosen religions. Christ turned the other cheek...why can't we? Aren't we supposed to follow in his ways? Nope. "They should blow him up 168 times." Sure. Let's make sure he'll never do it again. Let's count our blessings that he won't be taking up valuable drug addict/drug seller space in our over-crowded jails. It's a good thing we killed him. His ideas were too scary. God Bless America. And while you recite God Bless America, be sure to be scared of your African American neighbors because they're a different color than you, be sure to be prejudiced against homosexuals, be sure to look down upon Jews and people of other religions, and be sure to belittle your children. I'm terribly sorry, but Timothy McVeigh lives on in the minds of people who are thinking just like him. They might even be planning something bigger than he did. And the U.S. government wouldn't even know it, because we're too busy wondering how to drill holes in the Alaskan wilderness. If we're truly into religion, let's pray for those who died in Oklahoma City. Let's pray for their families. Let's pray that tradgedies like this do not happen again. And let's pray that America wises up, pays attention to important things and abolishes capital punishment. It solves nothing. It makes us no better than those who origianlly commit the crime. Let God play his own role. Tim McVeigh was justified in his criticisms of the U.S. He was not justified in violence. Fire up the alernative media. Stop violence. Start intelligent, positive movements that can instill positive changes. Do something, or become guilty for not helping the U.S. on its crazy train to hell. -Peace, love, unity. -Me |
| Wednesday, May 30th, 2001 | |
| 7:09 pm | All right...so here I am at work. I am on day seven of my seven in a row. Both last night and tonight I close (2 p.m.-9 p.m.) which isn't even eight hours. That pisses me off...a little. Hmmmm...how have I been? I've been contemplating a lot lately. I've been contemplating how the hell I thought I could manage $300/month car payments when I start school again in August. What the hell was I thinking. I even went as far as to go out and buy a used car magazine to look for a VW Jetta or something that could handle high miles. Hmmmm...then I started thinking that I COULD handle the payments, and that it was just going to be a little rough for a while. Then I started thinking about all the stuff I could buy if I didn't have that damn car payment every month. Then I started thinking, "You are not what you own." And I listened to a little Fugazi and repeated "Merchandise" about five times and I felt a little better. But...then I started thinking about how nice a new Apple G4 would look on my desk...and how well it would go with my Sony Trinitron monitor and how fast it would be (because I'd get the dual G4 500 mhz processors and load it with RAM) and how nice a cable modem would be... Ok...sorry for those of you who aren't techies...but we can all dream, can't we? I need to get to the station some time this week, but I don't think I'm going to make it because I close tonight, and I believe I am going to get my oil changed tomorrow. Plus, I am going to check out Modey Lemon tomorrow at the 31st Street Pub. Other than that...I've been picking Karoline up from the AIP the past couple of days and I soooooooooooooo do not want to finish my last year at PPC. hehehe...how bad is that? Not that I'm going to actually ACT upon it...I'm going to get my bachelor's and then go for web design, just as I've planned. It's just that I'm a little bored, that's all. Well...more later...probably tonight or maybe early tomorrow. "The world just doesn't go away when you close your eyes, does it?" -Guy Ritchie's character Leonard in "Memento" |
| Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001 | |
| 5:21 pm | People check out my site! People check out my site!!! teehee teehee... Wow...I'm so excited now. I've gotten three emails in the past two days concerning my site, and I can't say thanx enough. I have been so motivated since that shitty interview at the RNR Reporter and now this is cause for even more motivation. I swear by all things sacred and holy that there will be a full issue out soon. And I will be posting more often on this very journal! Folx who visit my site kick ass! Thank you...every one of you... There will be more later. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: AFI-"God Called In Sick Today" |
| Sunday, May 20th, 2001 | |
| 3:03 pm | Don't ya just hate it when people only post once a week or so? Geez... So, today I ended up skipping church. Yikes! Well, there's a story. I went down to church and I was parallel parking (not very well either, mind you) and I lightly tapped the car behind me. I barely noticed that I had bumped it, but it happens all the time, and it certainly wasn't a hit like the one I put on the car at Eat N' Park that one time. So, I proceed to finish parking and I'm about to shut the car off and this woman comes storming out of her apartment screaming, "You hit my car, mother fucker. You hit my car." And I'm like..."I did? I'm sorry." So, I KNEW that I had just tapped that car, and that there would be absolutely no damage, and I decided it would be best to leave and look for another space. So, I start to pull out. The woman comes running around to the front of my car and screams, "You mother fuckin' hit my car and you're gonna fuckin' leave now?" And I'm like..."Well, to avoid hitting it when I leave, I'm going to park elsewhere." She's furious. And of course, she's watching me pull away, so I quickly turn down the street right next to her apartment and away I go. I do not stay to look for another space because I know this woman is now on a mission to do something to my car, so I just go to Baden to see if I can catch the noon mass there. I find out that Baden's mass started at 11 and was just getting out...so now I'm screwed. So I decided that I would hang out with Karoline for a bit and then see what was going on with her. Well, she had to go to school today to work on some projects, so I drove her up to the AIP and then I came back home. And that's my story. Hope you liked it. I am now going to review some albums. Take care. Current Mood:  blankCurrent Music: NONE! |
| Monday, May 14th, 2001 | |
| 1:11 am | P.S. You'll notice my mood of complacency in the last post. That was pretty true when I started...lol. I got kinda mad about half way through. By the way...and this may be helpful...complacency is a theme in Hitchcock's The Birds. Think about it. That's all I'm gonna say. Complacency is a catalyst. |
| 1:07 am | Nothing like a weekend of having off from work to do the body good...or something. Ok...so today I did NOTHING. I woke up at 11 a.m. (I've been catching up on sleep a lot lately) and I went to church. There was an African missionary speaking at church today. I kinda like when we have COOL guest speakers. I'm almost sure that this guy had spoken before, but he did sound a bit different. Oh well. He was explaining the plight of the African people and how deceiving the media can be, especially when every bit of news coming out of Africa is BAD news. That's all so very true. We don't hear much other than how AIDS is depleting various sections of the poorest countries in the continent, or how kids are starving. To this day, when people speak of Africa, Sally Struthers comes to my mind...and I picture an underfed, underdeveloped kid standing there with flys around him. It's sad that we're conditioned that way...and it's also sad that the U.S. is actually responsible for some of that plight...but that's too long of a story and I don't want to get too preachy here. That's what the e-zine is going to be for. Anyway...so, this guy was speaking, and if you know anything about my religious community, you'll know that I've complained about feeling like an outsider when I go to mass. I also like to nit pick on things while I'm at church...like I'll notice how many people aren't really paying attention, or how many of them gawk at or talk about someone else while they're in the midst of prayer. To me, it's becoming a weird Ambridge sub culture...I should have been a sociologist. So, this AFRICAN MAN is asking for contributions to OTHER AFRICANS in front of a church of stuffy, old, WHITE people. I'm making it a point here to note certain words, because you should have seen the looks the missionary was getting when he walked onto the altar. I could nearly read the expressions of "Oh my God, a black man!" Whether you like it or not...I'm willing to say that most Americans are closet bigots. I think that my generation is the first generation that could actually be able to change that, and if I can give credit to one thing that I like about my generation, it's just that. I think that race relations in this country will be greatly improved once my generation comes full circle. Well, I was offended by the looks the missionary was getting. And I was also a bit peeved by the repeated comments of "he's so cute" made by the woman next to me. She was profiling the guy right there! I mean...if I was up there speaking, would I be cute? If it wasn't a missionary up there...if it happened to be just a regular African American from Ambridge or somewhere else, would he still be cute? No. I'd just be thought of as some long-haired slacker, and the Afro American would probably be thought of in the same light...minus the hair, add a racial slur. And that bothers me. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. UNITY IS THE KEY. That missionary is not cute, like he's some kind of little puppy dancing around up on the altar! HE'S A MAN JUST LIKE I AM. NO MATTER WHAT! That's what's holding this country back...we're a country of casual observers not concerned with the quality of a person, but the quality of a person's appearance, and their color, and things that just don't matter. The guy is up there talking about how his people are dying, and the woman next to me is exclaiming that he's cute. Jeez. Am I rambling here? Do I seem to have at least some valid points? So much stuff is coming to my mind so quickly, that I'm just typing it all out. Whatever...I know what I mean...lol. Ok...now, this could get really long here, but I'm definitely saving this for an article for the site. I have a big problem with this whole Richard Baumhammers death penalty thing, and I have some words to say about Timothy McVeigh too. Ok...I've gotten really off the track. The rest of the day I spent looking over design structures for my site and for the Studio Baden site. I've learned so much design in the past month that I really wish I could take some real web building classes next year. Tonight I went with John and Nicole back up to Oakland because Pitt's summer session starts tomorrow. Bummer. On the way up, I was thinking a lot about how I think PPC has shafted me. It really burns me up...esp. now that I'm placing the blame for my internship denial (STILL NO PHONE CALL) on the insolence of the JMC department. More on that later...I'm really tired, and it's late, and I have to get up in about four hours to go back to work. Yippieeee... Current Mood: complacentCurrent Music: Aus Rotten - Fuck Nazi Sympathy |
| Wednesday, May 9th, 2001 | |
| 12:36 am | 'Ello 'ello again. Time for another post, I suppose. First off, extra SPECIAL thanx to Lory (Ruby's sister) for checking this out every day. Hey, I can now boast that someone looks at MY journal every so often. Take that Mike D.! Ha! j/k The sad part is that D's hits dwarf mine by about 25 every day. Just y'all wait and see! hehe. Ok...tonight was supposed to be Jerry Cantrell at the Beehive. If you check out my review of the Superdrag show, you'll know how amusing shows are when they're held at the Hive. My show partners tonight were Karoline, Luke and Kurt (Luke's roomie). Well, aside from the ton of traffic making its way toward the hockey game tonight, I was in a decent mood, and kind of anxious to see both Cantrell and M.I.R.V. who I am pretty sure still includes Tim "Herb" Alexander, the former Primus drummer. We get to the Hive, and...there's a sign that states that Jerry Cantrell broke his arm and had to cancel the tour. Apparently the show is going to be rescheduled. So...we all decided to go to Century III Mall...well, all of us except Kurt. So we took him back to the apartment and away we went. If I would have thought of it sooner, I would have gotten Ed's cell number and I could have seen his new pad, but I am a dumbass...let's not forget that. Century III is always a disaster for me, because I see too many things that I want. Tonight I spent way more than I should have. But I got a cool CBGB's shirt! I have always wanted a CBGB's shirt. Good LORD...YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. Wow...that was just a classic Pat quote. That's from the old skool. That's another thing; I've been thinking about the old skool lately. Yesterday, I caught myself thinking about jumping on the trampoline in Jason Demacio's back yard...and hanging out with Sugar Bear and just having an awesome time, without having to worry about how much money I was spending or how much gas I had left in the car, or what the hell was going on in my life. I was just FREE. I guess...in some ways...that's where I am now, and I'm still having trouble adjusting to that. I don't know how to not be tied down. ((LOOK AT THAT DOUBLE NEGATIVE...that's the stuff that keeps you out of the really good internships. I just don't know how to cope with freedom. There's a semi-new guy working at Jubilee...actually, he's the new dairy manager. His name is Elliot, and he's a pretty cool guy. I was kinda worried about how we were going to get along because the first thing out of his mouth was, "I used to follow Phish around the country." And...I'm sure we all know what the good ol' PH relates to... Anywho, this guy was telling me one day about how he was engaged after dating this girl for about 4 years. They were supposed to get married last summer, but she started getting all freaked out about being "tied down." He totally didn't understand and he tried to remedy the situation by explaining his love and things of that nature. It didn't work and she ended up leaving him. So...he said that last summer he had no clue of what to do, so he traveled and did everything he'd always wanted to do, but couldn't do because HE was tied down. He went hiking in Europe for three weeks, he went to Texas and Georgia, he went to all the concerts he wanted to in the summer...EVERYTHING. And I got to thinking...wow...it's just that easy. I don't have to try to be anyone's anything anymore. I don't have to hold myself back or compromise...I just have to be. That's it...just BE. Be Pat...how hard can that be? And, I guess I'm doing that. This summer is going to be fun...and I don't care at what expense. IT WILL BE FUN. I WILL DO FUN THINGS. I WILL GET THINGS ACCOMPLISHED THIS SUMMER. STUPID INTERNSHIPS WILL NOT HOLD ME BACK...by the way, I didn't get a phone call regarding the RNR Reporter...but I don't care...YOU KNOW WHY??? Because. I am being ME. Finally. Thanks ever so much to all of you who do read the ol' journal. I appreciate it. Thanx Lory...you inspired me to post tonight. TELL YOUR SISTER TO CALL ME! heheh...or tell her to email me. And...by the way, if you somehow got the wrong idea and you're thinking that it sucks to be tied down or in a relationship or something, you're thinking too much. I'm just stating that it's so weird to be single. I've said that time and time again. And, while I'm single, I'm going to have fun being single and doing things alone. NOT THAT IT SUCKS DOING THINGS WITH SOMEONE ELSE...because it doesn't...and there are some really lonely times when I have too much damn time to think and let things grate on my nerves, but I'm just saying. Just try to empathize with me, huh? See how we, the hopeless romantics get? Current Mood: nerdy Current Music: Alkaline Trio |