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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
*caryl anne*'s LiveJournal:
| Tuesday, March 12th, 2002 | |
| 4:13 pm | a one-handed journal entry hey everyone. ive changed a whole lot since my last vehemenent journal entry. im both better and worse. as most of you know, i had a car accident up here in north carolina. i cant explain how bad it hurts both inside and out. um, sorry . . .ill be able to type better when i can use both hands :) but if anyone wants to call they can,336-713-1100, it gets wicked boring here!! *caryl anne* Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Incubus |
| Friday, November 30th, 2001 | |
| 1:01 pm | *applause applause* mmmm ok, i lied. this is yet another update. i feel some hatred vibes towards me now (coincidence, i think not :) thank you to those of those who didn't take that last entry "personally" and get mad at me. much appreciated. as i said in response to shane: "just a vehement diatribe, nothing more" blah. so this is my stance on the scene. accept me for hating it, please. i suppose what angered people the most was the fact that i greatly insulted what is apparently a HUGE part of their lives if not all of it. i've stayed at home, bleh. and it's not been AS bad as it was at first (no more "religious exorcisms" from my parents), but it's been really hard. i feel completely cut off from the real world, working 50 hours a week. *yawn* the reason i'm writing in this again, is because i feel almost bad for my rant (not that it's not how i feel, this is not an apology), but because i don't want to have any enemies. i am a peace person. henceforth conflict and anger upsets me greatly. why i chose to publish my rant on livejournal where everyone on god's green earth reads it, i have no fuckin idea. perhaps out of boredom or the insane state i've been driven to that comes from a life solely composed of work and school. *shrugs* in recent news: we can't move into WestWood anymore, because they have random lease checks to make sure the only people living there are those on the lease. bah. i skipped school on wednesday and went "apartment hunting" with anthony, batman, and marcie. good times, indeed. i've been in a shit ass mood lately. crimson tide i think. i cried at work the other day because i got 11 tables virtually all at once, i almost went out of my mind. john doesn't work at perkins anymore :( he got evicted from his apartment and didn't show up for work. *sigh* oh well. my mom got a speeding ticket yesterday. muwahahaha. revenge is sweet. but, alas, i'm still grounded. roberto is a guy that works at perkins too. he's gay. he came up and kissed me on the lips the other day. *raises eyebrow* perhaps it's time i pluck my mustache. i was reading my earliest journal entries the other day. i was much more care-free back then. i love the things i used to write about. all this stress i think has taken a huge toll on my emotional state and thought patterns. i do not like the fact that hatred has become a known feeling to me. my goal once i finish school and move out, is to regain that sense of naivity and peace. there are a great many people i miss talking to and hanging out with. a great many. quite frankly, i suck at maintaining contact with old friends or even new ones sometimes. :) ok, so there. you have my regrets on my angry diatribe right in front of you. again i say: don't hate me, please. :) PS: i doubt very highly that i'll be passing this semester of school. henceforth, i'll lose my car. *moment of silence* if anyone knows of a way for me to find a cheap-ass car for no more than $900 i'd be much obliged. Current Mood:  groggyCurrent Music: deftones |
| Sunday, November 25th, 2001 | |
| 1:40 pm | uncle sam wants YOU . . . have you ever gotten the urge to just run and leap right off the roof of a high building? how amazing that must be. what a destructive thought, but oh-so peaceful. they didn't have destructive under the mood icons, so i opted for drunk. but i'm not really drunk. i need to get out of my house. i've started keeping track of days i've been on "house arrest" on my bathroom wall. i think i have 17 tick marks so far. *sigh* john keeps getting cooler and cooler. we work together a lot. i love working at perkins. i make about $100 a day there now. i worked like 12 hours on friday. *massaging feet* Wait a second . . . wow my entries have gotten so shallow and basic, with a hint of bitterness at times, even. *weird confused face* i don't know why this is . . . i used to feel free to express thoughts in here . . . knowing full well that people would appreciate them (or i hoped they would), but now i'm sick of it all. just like i've quit going to concerts, i've quit updating my journal for real now. something about leaving my inner depths exposed for the gay-ass trendy ft. myers scene to dissect disturbs me greatly and prevents me from going deeper on thoughts. henceforth, that last entry was directed at the scene in general. fuck you all. fuck it all. life is so much greater than hot topic and liquid cafe and rickyi's gay-dom. bah. no more entries for me, i say. i'm done with this shit. i'm off to explore myself and the world around me. your entries never impress me, it's all boyfriend/girlfriend shit, pointless random thoughts, and shoutouts. nothing is real in any of your entries. does your live journal entries define your poplularity status? wow. i must be wicked fuckin uncool. awesome. :) so, goodbye, livejournal users . . . may you find true happiness and peace in the self-depravity of your cliques . . . PS: i will still update, but not on here . . . it's on either brokensouls or seasonoffrailty Current Mood:  drunkCurrent Music: creed - what if |
| Saturday, November 24th, 2001 | |
| 6:09 pm | fuck you all. Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: nickelback |
| Tuesday, November 20th, 2001 | |
| 2:28 pm | john from perkins john is soo wicked cool. he's the newest chef at perkins. he's 20. he used to have a mohawk. he listens to the same hardcore rock music i listen to. AND he's the one pursuing ME! haha i love it. ok, you must forgive the simplicity and pointlessness to this segment of my entry, but i simply must vent for a sec. i walked into the breakroom about a month ago to see him sitting there watching the "bonafide perkins employees" videos. i thought he was wicked cute, and proceeded to ask him about himself, yada yada yada. we had a good conversation, but he didn't show much interest in me, so i left to wait on my tables. we chatted on and off when we worked together, and the more i talked to him, the more wicked cool i thought he was. about 2 weeks ago, i was working, and it was at the end of the night, he called. he wanted to know if i could hang out with him and some people after work. of course, being on the "house arrest from hell" that i'm on, i had to decline. a week ago, he called again, same thing happened. he called last night and asked the same, when i said i regretfully could not, he asked if he could come see me there. so cool! who wants to traverse all the way to perkins just to see me? awesome! i was flattered. he hung around with me for a while, until perkins made him leave. *big smile* he's wicked sweet, and we ARE gonna hang out once i'm free again. i'm very much enchanted with this boy :) in other news, life is pretty sucky right now at home. my parents are getting a little better, but engh. . . january 1 i move out. i can stay with: a. danny (another cook from perkins) b. marissa c. anthony d. hillary e. cristina f. my grandpa g. linda (a waitress at perkins) or anyone else that offers. i'm working a lot now, and trying eagerly to pass this semester so i can get my car back. eek. i love my car so much. (don't i, kip?)i paid off my speeding ticket, new tires, and parking ticket i'm getting more and more anxious and excited to move out. ANYONE feel free to come see me at perkins (except derek, marc, and hillary) anytime! good times. summerlin and san carlos. i really desire to have a conversation with ray. don't ask me why. i think he at least owes me that much. i'm allotted 2 hours of phone time on saturdays (daaammmmnnnn). bleh. nothing is new or exciting. i feel like i'm cut off from the free world. *sigh* depression sinks in when i let it, perhaps due to boredom and self-apathy . . . i dunno. can i get a few comments?? Current Mood:  restlessCurrent Music: green day - the grouch |
| Friday, November 16th, 2001 | |
| 10:43 am | wow . . . flashback to 6th grade. . . caryl anne = on house arrest. and on the verge of being homeless. my parents do care about me, but they are babying me into adulthood when they should just throw me on my ass into the real world. they are worried about "a lot of the decisions i've been making lately" and don't think i can make it. i HAVE been homeless before, mind you. they've kicked me out of their home before and i went to another state. they had taken away all of my friends, thrown away all of my grunge clothes, and left me humiliated, defeated, and suicidal. this happened when i was in 10th grade. then a few months later, they sent me to a girls' home in texas, where they crammed the bible up my ass and made me a SUPERFICIAL CHRISTIAN. i was scared to do anything. i came back home after 9 1/2 months not changed, and brainwashed a slight degree. it wore off soon, because i feel life is more than being what others expect of you, and now i'm where i'm at. i don't do drugs anymore, i don't have promiscuous sex, i'm not into witchcraft or self-mutilation anymore. i smoke. and i've gotten drunk once in the past 5 months. what's to worry about, i ask you? my parents are pulling this weird religious shit on me. they called me up to their room the other night and "rebuked in the name of jesus" everything i said. they were acting like they had christian super powers or something and wanted to lay hands on me and pray. i won't get into it, i'll just say that they've FUCKING LOST THEIR MINDS! so i'm here and i'm about to move out on my own. i'm scared, but quasi-excited. *sigh* IF ANY OF YOU HAVE AN OPENING IN YOUR HOUSE FOR ME TO STAY A SHORT WHILE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!! LEAVE A COMMENT IN MY JOURNAL!! ok, i'm off to class. *caryl anne* Current Mood: nervousCurrent Music: cyndi lauper - time after time |
| Wednesday, November 14th, 2001 | |
| 8:47 am | what an erotic fairy tale . . . Once upon a time, there was a BEAUTIFUL, HORNY girl named HILLARY. Everyone loved HILLARY, but that didn't matter. You see she was CARE-FREE and in love with DAN, who happens to hate CARE-FREE girls. HILLARY tried very hard not to be CARE-FREE. She even tried FUCKING. But that didn't work. Then one day while RUNNING through a very MOIST BEDROOM, she LAUGHED upon an AROUSED GIRAFFE. This AROUSED GIRAFFE spoke to HILLARY and said, "If you can answer my riddle I will grant you a wish." Well HILLARY SCREWED. And she NOISILY said, "What is your riddle ECSTATIC GIRAFFE?" The GIRAFFE replied, "If a WILDEBEAST has a DICK, how many BREASTS does it KISS?" HILLARY thought about the riddle and answered, "15!" The GIRAFFE began BEATING, then it FARTED, and turned into a STRIPPER. The STRIPPER CAME and said, "You are correct! You turned this old GIRAFFE back into a handsome STRIPPER. What is your wish?" HILLARY was so happy! She knew exactly what she wanted, "I don't want to be care-free any more! That way DAN will fall in love with me." The STRIPPER then BLEW his AROUSED TWAT and HILLARY was no longer CARE-FREE! She left the BEDROOM to find DAN. When she did, she found him STRIPPING CARYL ANNE, the PULSATING girl from SANIBEL. And DAN and CARYL ANNE lived MECHANICALLY ever after. HILLARY, on the other hand, died a FAST spinster. the end. Current Mood:  sickCurrent Music: oasis - champagne supernova |
| Tuesday, November 13th, 2001 | |
| 5:09 pm | i hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean . . . um. that "dance" song is so beautiful - it makes me break down in the middle of perkins everytime it comes on. i take it as a song a mother would dedicate to her daughter that is on the verge of being "grown up". *sigh* i'm trying, for no reason at all besides not wanting to annoy anyone, to forget about the whole issue at the forefront of my mind. and i slowly am. maybe it's not such a big deal. i mean, it's no trivial thing. this was my last tie to innocence and childlikeness. the last thread was severed. i'm alone and grown up in this dull, cold world now. i have no baby blanket, no more eager anticipation of my birthday, no more "goodnight, daddy, i love you", no more of my "pretty pictures" hanging on the refrigerator. in january or february i'm moving out. and that's it. i can't crawl back into my dad's arms and hear him say he loves me anymore. this bridge is enflamed and i'm still in the middle. what happens if i fall? will anyone catch me? the people who love me are on either side of the valley, beckoning to me. but who's in the middle?? and if i fall into this valley, what then? is this my only chance?? goddamn, growing up sucks some serious ass. and where does love come into play in the midst of all of this? to love or not to love. that is the question. whether tis nobler . . . blah blah blah. does love come out of the bushes and take you up in it's arms under an umbrella when it's just starting to rain? does love open the door welcoming you home to a nice house with warm socks, fireplaces, and hot chocolate? does love protect you from scary things and stuff that makes you cry - or is love the cause of all the scariness? why do i even need love? feelings are so impossible to deny. very impossible. and why do we care about the people we do? is it because they listen to us when we talk? is it because they have warm, soft hands that reassure us of ourselves? is it because they have huge tits and a nice ass? what?? what does love consist of? this is what i want to know. it's become so cheap as the years have gone by. blah. we watched a movie in art today. picture this: a nun. buckteeth and over-sized glasses resting on a prunish, smiling face. she's gliding past works of art, gliding through the forest, over a bridge, peering down from a balcony, gliding down corridors, all set to passionate BBC elevator music. i'm feeling very emotional right now, thus the ardent diatribe you just read (or did you?). engh . . . i'm going to art history. *caryl anne* Current Mood:  indescribableCurrent Music: jann arden - insensitive |
| Monday, November 12th, 2001 | |
| 11:38 pm | PS: please no one get on my case for "dwelling" on this issue. i'm done with it now, i just wanted to vent. i'm done venting. regularly scheduled updating with resume tomorrow evening. *caryl anne* |
| 11:36 pm | wind i'm throwing everything away to the wind now. i'm scarred. i'm just like everyone else now, too. the single most thing i cherished about myself is gone now. the wind blew it away. it's gone. and now i'm nothing. |
| Wednesday, November 7th, 2001 | |
| 8:28 am | someone answer my survey . . . please?? Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: staind - home |
| Monday, November 5th, 2001 | |
| 1:19 pm | . . . in between molecules of oxygen and carbon dioxide . . . word. it's been awhile since i've updated, yes, and i've been surprised that people are actually bitching because of this. :) in recent news, i'm moving out. in january or february, me, batman, and anthony will be the newest tenants of the West Wood (i think that's the name) apartment complex off of metro. yah! i'm wicked excited, i must say, though quasi-nervous at the same time. but that's to be expected :) there has been unnecessary drama in my life recently due to the stupidity of anger and relationships. but, tis over now, and all is peaceful on the western front. i'm really confused, actually about a lot of things. i don't really feel so much of a need for a "significant other" in my life as much now as i did a while ago. but there are so many options available to me. only a few of which i'd love to partake of, most of which i REALLY do not want to (*muwahahahaha*). i came up to the library today with numerous topics fluttering around in my mind to discuss in here, but (if you know me) you know, it's already gone. lol. i'm such a retard. :) lemme try to see if i can remember some of it . . . *jeopardy theme song playing in background* i've met some wicked awesome people lately. namely, Punk-Rock Jeremy (though i hate such classifications), is one of the coolest and most intriguing people i have truly ever known. i followed him around the mall one day, then finally we talked. we've talked a lot lately. he's one of the "original punk rockers" (meaning, he's not "trendy punk rock" like so many of the fort myers scene kids are this month, bah.) <--- i'm gonna get beat up for that one . . . lol he's working right now on a farm somewhere out in butt-fucking-egypt and is, at present, working on bettering himself out of the stuff he's been into (the stuff that comes with being a true punk-rocker -- watch SLC Punk if you have no idea what i'm talking about :). this boy shares THE EXACT SAME OPINIONS as me on how much art can be healing and freeing. it's amazing. but i shan't rant about him forever and ever amen . . . so let's move on . . . i'm sorry about the somewhat negative turn the comments in my journal has taken lately. i've deleted such entries and the shit has been resolved. *bleh* i hate conflict. speaking of the fort myers scene, let me say a few things. but first: if you are part of this scene (and you know who you are), don't read the rest of this. i do not want to offend anyone. this isn't directed at anyone in particular either, it's just in general. i realize some of you may, indeed, be for real, but that's a select few. ok, on with my diatribe: ---------------------------------------- i will not be attending hardly any of the shows anymore. perhaps once in a while, but i highly doubt it. i've gotten really sick of how stupid and wrongly self-righteous some cliques around here can be. i hate it, in fact. do you not know that punk rock is more UNITY in the midst of anarchy than "nanny nanny poo poo, i'm more punk rock than you!!" and not even only this punk-rock-multitude, it's every clique here! whether widely-known or not. the bands are even so DAMN exclusive! fuck this, i say. if you're going to classify yourself as something, you had better not just treat it like a trend, you should actually know what it means and what it stands for. argh. i realize i'm not getting anywhere with this. i don't know everything, i just know what i see and what i've experienced. this facade that so many people put on in front of your face and then completely trash you behind your back is middle school and fuckin retarded. be real, be real, be mother-fuckin real! i'm gonna stop, this made no sense. well, it makes sense in my mind, i just can't fully get it out. i mean, dressing that way is fine, just don't disclude people because they don't do the same. unity is important! hierarchy sucks! just take this as a resignation from my show-attending-days and a poorly-expressed reason why. ok, i'm done . . . ---------------------------------------- would anyone pay me a dollar to eat a sardine and peanut butter sandwich? because i would. yo necessito mucho pinche dinero! (translation: i need a lot of fucking money), i don't really care at this point how i get it (well, some things i just wouldn't do -- like clean strip clubs - lol, marc. . .) :) here's another survey for you wonderful, um. . . survey-answerers: 1. on what occasion would you wear a flannel shirt, spandex, and a doo-rag?? 2. (this ones gross, but you must answer) if you're at a friends house and you have to, um, go #2, do you do it there? or make up an excuse to go home real quick? or do it at a gas station or restaurant? 3. how many times in your whole life have you not worn underwear? 4. if i dared to you to do something dramatic, and in exchange i would do a dare that you proposed for me, would you do it?? come on . . . 5. how old are you? in that amount of time, how many times (approximately) have you laughed hard-core. (not drug-induced laughter) :) 6. what's something that never fails to make you laugh hard-core?? 7. how many new people do you meet daily? (not just an automatic "hi") ok, that's it. you may respond if you wish. oh yeah, one more, extra credit one: ***are you angered by my opinions of the fort-myers scene? or do you agree somewhat or whole-heartedly?? be honest, i'm tough. :) ok, i can't remember anything else i was gonna talk about, so i'll drop a few shout-outs and be on my way. . . *hillary and adam: may your days be numerous and your nights be fun-filled and sex-free :) *shane: thanks for your forgiveness, and i truly intend on watching requiem and memento sometime soon . . . *erin: you are the best. i love your songs/poetry, send me more! *punk-rock jeremy: (even though you don't read this) you're awesome! and i look forward to hanging out with you this weekend and catching a ride on your John-Deer!! lol *mike: nice hoody! (you just walked past with a library cart piled high with books) :) *marc = the shit (as always, you big sexy man) *police officer bob: you suck ass. thanks for the ticket, you nazi, you . . . :) *matt (tugboat matt): you're so cool. thank you for easing my loneliness for the evening. :) and i'm excited about getting to do your make-up. *JeySayzFunkYou jeremy: you're awesome as well. slurpee runs = good times. your art amazes me! :) i guess we'll have to schedule peanut butter sex for another time . . . *disappointed look* :) *XanderX: i love reading your journal and reading your points of view on things. i updated mine today just for you! :) hope i can talk to you online again soon! *gordy dan (hot topic/thespark.com dan): dude! we must must must hang out! 395-3757. :) you're wicked cool! god, i hate the crimson tide . . . *caryl anne* Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: weezer - only in dreams |
| 1:08 pm | yah! it's me . . . only not . . .  Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: weezer - only in dreams |
| Wednesday, October 31st, 2001 | |
| 8:36 am | caryl anne = cool because i'm "trendy" . . . PSYCH! i look like a gameshow host in the morning. my hair is flat and greasy-looking. whoever i end up living with will be shocked and amazed at my astounding Pat Sajak Resemblance in the wee hours of the morning. wow. i didn't expect to get such a great response to my survey -- and i loved peoples' answers. this inspires me to make a new one. (no groans please :) you needn't answer it. (wait short break to make a phone call) Current Mood: Pat Sajak - ish Current Music: butthole surfers - pepper |
| Monday, October 29th, 2001 | |
| 9:33 am | shpedoinkin. wow. it's been awhile since i've updated this journal. much has happened. :) good times, indeed!! bad times, most definately. gabe and i are "no more". our utterly pointless relationship lasted for, what?, three weeks. well, gabe informed me that he considered us more serious than i considered us, so we were technically going out for only a few days, before i left him outside his house to whine and cry alone in his self-inflicted glass bubble of pity. (how's that imagery for ya?) then the next morning, i wake up to a letter of denial from mr. useless himself. and read his journal entry where he PUBLICALLY breaks up with me. i hope that he feels braver for it! maybe now he can wear real men's underwear!! but, i am not hurt. i'm a little put off and (once again) amazed at how egotistical and self-righteous some people can be. the hide inside their depressed pity bubble and point their fingers in all directions. why this affects those they point at? hell if i know. it bothers me not. he took me off his friend's list. survey says: childish cry for me to "prove my loyal friendship" to him. GABE: *vulgar hand gesture* it's not happening, dear. i'm gonna remain your friend. you know where to reach me, but i'm not gonna kiss your ass and wipe your nose to get you back. i have enough drama in my own life. get over yourself or get used to being alone. in other news, i got a red hoody for 50 cents the other day! it excited me soo much! i leapt for joy! i've been hanging out with kip and anthony and other new people lately. it's wonderful, i must say. i had been longing for companionship that didn't drive me up the wall (nameless names - *muwahahahaha*). actually, whether they know it or not, these friendships encourage me to be myself more and inspire creativity in me. yes, indeed many more new frienships are on the horizon. people who bring out different things in me. i love it! "fudge, Packer?" LOL *chuckles aloud* yes, so yesterday, i was wicked bored. so i drove all the way to anthony's house (not expecting him to be home), but he was. we watched Cannibal: The Musical (yes!!), and chatted. then stuffed our faces at CiCi's where we discussed sex, drugs, and music. then i showed him my art. i always feel so proud when i show people my art. i love it. maybe because it means a lot to me and i know what i was feeling when i drew it. maybe i'm lacking an objective point of view and think it's wonderful, but it's really shit. *shrugs* :) i never got to post that Ugly Feet poem, did i? i will. after i'm done with this rambling commentary about my life that probably nobody reads. helllllloooooooooo?? (echo) (echo) (echo) (echo) bah. oh well. i actually only read a few of the journals that are on my friends' list religiously. yep, only a couple. the other ones i hardcore skim. sorry to offend those of you who believe it to be you. maybe you should write about other things besides your girlfriend or boyfriend! ha! :) i'm mean, i think. well, i'd like to make a survey, no one has to answer it, but if you have 5 minutes to bestow upon my curiousity, then by all means . . . here goes: 1. what is one thing about people in general that makes you smile? 2. what is one thing in nature that makes you smile? 3. what, in your opinion, is the best feeling in the world? 4. what makes you cry? 5. who is one person in history (or presently) that you feel you can readily identify with? 6. what, in your opinion, is an attractive quality about the opposite sex? 7. what's the lowest, most disgusting job you would do just to make money? (i.e. gravedigger, hooker, insurance salesman, etc.) ok, that's it. sorry for the "blah" factor of this entry. i have no passionate diatribes for you today. :) (diatribes is such a cool word!). today i'm going to school to meet all of the cool kids (anthony, tori, jeremiah, omar, etc.) at "the table" and after school, i'm meeting hillary at barnes and noble. i work at 5. i work 6 days this week! yikes! oh well more money for me! :) all of you have a wonderful day! :) *caryl anne* Current Mood:  thirstyCurrent Music: cyndi lauper - time after time |
| Wednesday, October 24th, 2001 | |
| 5:16 pm | obnoxious time-waster, what?? *the flinstones or the jetsons? the simpsons, boo *coke or pepsi? ummm i'm gonna go with diet coke with lemon or cherry coke assuming i drank soda *black or blue? backstreet boys?, i think so *pot or liquor? nicotine. . . *plane or train? or automobile? *coffee or tea? skinny decaf iced mocha with a shot of creme de menthe (*drooling*) *music? everything -- a lot of hardcore rock actually *pain or pleasure? pain can bring pleasure and vice versa -- i'd rather not have the extreme of either *morning person or night owl? both (most of the time) *do you like being tied up during sex? oh yeah, baby *meow!* *what word best describes you? caryl anne *girlfriend, boyfriend, single, or both? i dunno *shrugs* *ethinicity? as white as they come *pauly shore or pee wee herman? ben stiller (hell yes!) *mom's favorite or dad's favorite? neither :P *were you meant to be the opposite sex? sometimes i wonder . . . but we won't get into that . . . tee hee *if you could have your way with one - angelina jolie or drew barrymore? drew barrymore if i was dyking it on that occasion. *if you could have your way with one - tommy lee or dave matthews? kurt cobain (when he was alive, sillies) *videos or radio? radio *punch or kick? drop kicking! *eat or drink? drinking water *notebook or typewriter? typewriters!! i used to have a blue one! *suck or lick? it depends: if eating ice cream, then ilick, if eating a strawberry popsicle, then i suck. muwahahaha -- i'm asexual. *jerry springer or howard stern? engh . . . if forced to choose: howard stern - he occcasionally makes me chuckle *ramen noodles or campbells? rammmeeennnnnnnn *slurp slurp* *do you smoke pot? nope -- but i act like it, don't i hillary?? ;) *wish? whirled peas (world peace for all of you cynics) *butterflies or dragonflies? butterflys . . . a dragonfly bit me once on the toe . . . little fucker . . . *fantasy or reality? reality -- but things are most likely to happen in fantasy land for me . . . *democrat or republican? politics -- bah humbug *the priest or the rabbi? ummmm. . . *scratches head* . . . *are you weird? some say it is so *the beginning or the end? the beginnings . . . but i seem to find myself constantly at the beginnings of many ends |
| 9:41 am | okies . . . I AM 67% GOTH. 
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| Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001 | |
| 8:34 pm | i want the spoon man to come and save me . . . hmmmm . . . i'm in the library and the guy sitting across from me is picking his nose. i wonder if he knows i see this. muwahahahaha . . . *chuckles aloud* ummmmm . . . due to past conflicts and confusion, i shan't post my current emotions at this present time . . . but if you ask me, i shall tell you in great detail what i've been feeling recently. it may be quite interesting to some of you. *wink wink* i got my navel pierced yesterday. yah! it's nice. pretty sore (it hurts more than my tongue did), but it's all good. i do agree with those who fore-warned me that piercings are addictive. i can think of three more off the top of my head that i'd like to get done. but perkins would shake their big old corporate heads at me. *sigh* i love being a waitress. actually this morning one of the cooks (a jamaican guy named Devo) started screaming at a few of the waitresses (it was in reference to an Everything Omelette without green peppers). so i stepped up and thoroughly yelled/cussed back at him. i felt proud. i got a few pats on the back, and the older waitresses chuckled to themselves about it the rest of the day. muwahahahahah . . . good times. Devo is pretty cool, his accent is so awesome to listen to! i tell you this: go find a jamaican person (on the street, or at your local library or 711) and have them sing a bob marley song to you. you'll never want to hear anyone else talk! i shit you not! soo cool . . . (*engh* -- the guy just picked his nose again -- *bleh*) (oop! there he goes again . . .) . . . (still at it . . .) here's a few shout outs: *marc: i miss you! we simply must chat again! :) *dan: i have your hoody (anthony gave it to me to give to you) -- and i've tried to call you on several occasions, but alas, you're never there! *kip = cool (i'll leave it at that) :) *anthony: you're the shit! *hillary: adam loves you, and so do i! fly with christ! lol. (oh, wait -- did you go on chrysalis?? *sigh* nevermind . . .) *mike: you are still holding my dr. pepper chapstick hostage! punk! my lips are longing for it's artificial goodness! :) *anyone else who actually reads my journal: you're the coolest, and, for anyone who doesn't have it: 395-3757 (don't be afraid to use it, friends) ok, for those who care: ask me about my emotional status lately! if you don't care, bah, oh well. one less person to confuse. :) *caryl anne* Current Mood: soreCurrent Music: saves the day - the "heart is on the floor" song |
| Friday, October 19th, 2001 | |
| 9:05 am | my god . . . . . . i've done a lot of vehement preaching lately!! i just read back on the last few entries! :) *whew* but man it felt good!! haha. ok anyways . . . |
| 8:47 am | good morning, sunshine . . . i just got thoroughly bitched out by my mom. and she threw a pillow in the heat of her passion. apparantly she feels i'm always on the "path to destruction" in everything i do. see, this is how it goes, yesterday she was proud of me and everything was fine. i have to wake up each day trying to figure out ahead of time what kind of mood they're in. i can try and defend myself, but that does no good, alas. i'm the stupid teenager. they're the parents who know everything because "they just do". well no, they know everything because they read my fucking email, IM conversations, live journal, listen to my phone calls, open my mail, etc. fuck. (hi mom, hi dad!!)lol! i'm 18 for the love of god. what good has they're nagging and snooping and verbal abuse done thus far? i still did bad things, and all them knowing about it did was make them mad and make me paranoid to exist. engh. fuck it. caryl anne needs a new home, this just isn't working out in the long run. can i come live with anyone of you little livejournal friends?? pretty please with sugar on top?? i'll pay rent!! engh no, this has not been a good 12 hours since last nite. last nite i got rather pissed off at someone. he/she, in my opinion was just being a dickhead. i hate it when people brush you off like you're nothing sometimes, but think the world of you at other times. *bleh* and to top it off: i may have to stop seeing my couselor because of lack of money. i have to start paying each time i see her. engh. *financial pressure headache* my mom just slammed the door to her office. she's probably in there praying for me. yes, i know she cares. i just hate all of this inner turmoil i feel when i'm within like 20 feet of her or my dad. it's horrificly painful. but *shrugs* how are you gonna go and erase 18 years of bad memories, and substitute them for the good ones. geeze, i'm sorry to be so negative, i'm just really unhappy with parental issues at present. the rest of my life is wonderful in spite of this!!i hope you have a great day anyway :) Current Mood:  angryCurrent Music: staind - mudshovel |