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April 15, 2004
If I Were Stuck On A Desert Island With Just 10 Bloggers...
So I'm trying to come up with a new blogger poll and one of the ideas I had (and later discarded) was "If you were on a desert Island, which bloggers (5 male / 5 female) would you want to have along with you"? After thinking about it, here's who I came up with... -- Dawn Olsen of Up Yours & Other Helpful Tips. Dawn seems like the type of person who could make the best out of things. I suspect she'd come up with some game featuring coconut bowling or sand flinging that would keep all of us distracted from how crappy it is to be stuck in the middle of nowhere.... -- Moxie would be great too and not just because she's this hot Cali chick. Mox seems like she'd be a chipper, perky, kind of fun person to converse with which would of course be incredibly important since we'd be on a Godforsaken island with nothing but monkeys for company. -- Speaking of monkeys, Frank J. of IMAO would make the cut not just because he's funny, but because he seems like the sort of guy who would detest monkeys so much that he'd chase them all away, thereby sparing me the trouble. -- Allah from Allah Is In The House would be there too for the same reason. He could grab a volleyball, name it Wilson, and make jokes about how it was Arafat's cousin or something...and uh, it would probably be more entertaining than that sounds. -- Michele Catalano of A Small Victory would be great to have along too because she strikes me as the sort of person who'd be organizing the hut building, or fishing, or making a giant SOS sign on the beach that out of rocks. Sure that's doesn't sound like as much fun as say playing "Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando" on the PS2, but beggars can't be choosers. -- Tim Blair would also be a good guy to have along not only because he's funny, but because he's from Australia. Those guys are used killing poisonous snakes with boomerangs and beating down wild Koala Bears with just their bare hands & teeth. Even if Tim has never been to the outback in his life, he'd figure it out. That sort of stuff comes as naturally to Aussies as playing the didgeridoo! -- I'd also want to have Joyce from Transcended there. Not only is she easy on the eyes, but she still seems to have that fresh "hey what do you think the meaning of life is & should I be a nuclear physicist or bartender when I get out of college" perspective on life which would make for fun chats. -- Laurence Simon from Amish Tech Support would also get the nod. Not only is he funny, but is you believe what he says on his blog, he can cook. And when you're going to stuck eating nothing but fish, crabs, coconut, and whatever monkeys Frank J. can kill, you need someone who can figure out how to spice up your meals. -- Hugh Hewitt would also be a good addition. Not only is he a really upbeat guy, but if he can manage to keep millions of people interested in a radio show that runs 3 hours a day in some markets, you know he could always figure out something interesting to talk about. More importantly, unlike the rest of us, Hugh is an VIP and you'd have to figure they'd make more of an effort to search for him if he was missing. -- Last but not least, I'd go with Kymberly Swygert of #2 Pencil. She comes across as personable and really brainy. If anyone on the island could make a radio out of coconuts like the professor did on Gilligan's Island, it would be her.
April 14, 2004
Hate Mailorama!
You know what time it is -- that's right, time for more hate mail! We'll start out with one of my all-time favorites from someone who calls herself "Ms Voltaire". And if I understand her correctly, I believe she's saying Saddam has been out of power in Iraq since 1990, but the media has been covering it up.... From: Ms Voltaire "The US Corporate regime has installed an Islamic fascist regime in Afghanistan and is attempting to do so in Iraq. The US installed the Taliban, helped install the HATED Iranian Islamic fascist regime after the Iranian people overthrew the US installed Nazi: the Shah. All evidence indicates that similarly the Iraqi people overthrew the US installed Nazi Saddam in 1990. The US has installed Oligarchic fascist regimes all over the globe against the will of those who work for a living as opposed to those who ride on the backs (Parasites) of those who work for a living. Too bad fascist hacks have nothing but lies to work with and politics HATED by the majority of people. That is why you have to install police states with controlled fake news and academia around the world." Here's a pithy one that's fairly typical of a lot of the hate mail I get... From: Caesar Just kidding - go F*CK YOURSELF you nazi-fellating rightard @ss-licker. Here's another short one that echoes the message today's Democratic party is putting out, while falling a bit short on the measured tone you usually hear from Kerry & co... From: Todd A. Randall "You suck you right wing piece of filth. You and your right wing friends are the greatest threat to this country." This last one seems to have been inspired by a post I made about a Passion of the Christ necklace (which I did end up buying incidentally) and my attack on the government's stealth censorship of Howard Stern and other shock jocks.... From: chad There were plenty more where those came from, but I think they give you a pretty good idea of the sort of hate mail I regularly receive... Richard Clarke Comes Forward About Bush's Twizzlers Addiction By Marni Malarkey
Former White House CounterTerror advisor Richard Clarke's new book "Against All Enemies" reveals not only George Bush's sick obsession with Saddam Hussein, but another twisted obsession of the president's, as well. "He would get this glazed look in his eyes," writes Clarke, "and it was like there was no getting through to him, and he would put his arms forward, stretched out like Frankenstein, and first he would say 'must kill Saddam, must kill Saddam' and then he would say 'must have Twizzlers, must have Twizzlers.' It was sick." Clarke writes that the president's obsession with Twizzlers was so extreme that "he would just seethe and bristle in fury until Condi Rice would show up with his 'supply.' And if she was late, he'd be screaming, 'where's my sugar? Get me some sugar!' It was horrifying." Clarke also writes that the famous "pretzel incident," where the president allegedly choked on a pretzel in the White House, was a coverup for the real problem. "He choked on a Twizzler, but Karl Rove didn't want the public to know the awful truth." Clarke claims that senior officials in the administration were aware of the president's "problem" and "played along." "Paul Wolfowitz always had a bag of Twizzlers on his desk, Rumsfeld too, to court favour with the president. I remember the week before 9-11, I called a meeting to discuss the terror threat, and instead, Don and Paul just wanted to talk about Twizzlers, saying 'who cares about that Bin Laden guy? It's all about Twizzlers!' And then after 9-11, remember Afghanistan? Well, that was just a ruse to throw the public off of the president's real goals: to topple Saddam and to buy every last Twizzler in the DC area. While US soldiers were liberating Kabul, Bush was chuckling to himself, chewing on a Twizzler, saying 'fooled 'em!'" The Latest 9-11 Commission News By Iowahawk
COUNSEL DECRIES RICE "BLACK FEMALE PRIVILEGE" Sept. 11 Commission Democratic Counsel Richard Ben-Veniste today blasted National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice for her "condescending arrogance toward male commissioners of no color" during her testimony last week. "As a pasty white middle-aged male lawyer, I was offended by her patronizing tone," said Ben-Veniste. "Frankly, we are getting tired with Dr. Rice and her 'good ol' black girl network' power game." GORELICK: BUSH FAILED TO FIX GORELICK F*CK UPS Sept. 11 Commissioner Jamie Gorelick said today that she planned to grill witnesses from the Bush administration to "find out why they failed to stop me when I allowed thousands of known criminals and terrorists enter the United States between 1993 and 2000." "This is simply incomprehensible," said Gorelick, a former official on the Clinton administration's Department of Letting In Dangerous Foreign Terrorists. "Some of these people were so bad, the Clinton White House seriously considered returning their campaign donations." COMMISSION RECESSES TO REPAIR APPLAUSE SIGN, CLOWN CAR A series of unexpected technical mishaps at the 9-11 Commission hearings today forced the panel to an early recess during testimony from former FBI Director Louis Freeh. The hearings are slated to resume tomorrow after technicians repair glitches to committee IT equipment, including applause meters, dunking booths, calliopes, clown cars and chimpanzee tricycles. "Unfortunately, we are working with obsolete A/V technology," said committee member Bob Kerrey. "Our eerie Sci-Fi theramin and laugh track are from the fifties." WHITE HOUSE RELEASES PDB White House officials today released the contents of the controversial August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Brief (PDB) memo that was the focus of acrimonious 9-11 commission testimony last week. Entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S., Donuts in Breakroom," the newly declassified document warned that "according to 1997 reports, bin Laden is poised to launch an assault in the US, sometime in the next two to fifty years, concentrating on cruise ships, cities, the Pacific Northwest, airlines, Orange Julius stands, national parks, The Daytona 500, or possibly Wrestlemania XXII: Summer Smackdown," using a variety of methods up to and including "chemical, biological and nuclear weapons, suicide operatives, LSD, specially trained attack monkeys, laser cannons, and/or truckloads of surplus Fizzies." The report goes on to note the availability of donuts in the breakroom, and warns of possible construction obstructions in the parking garage as well as sheet feeder problems in the Xerox machine. "This document shockingly demonstrates that the White House was asleep at the switch on September 11," said Walter Pincus of the Washington Post. "Our sources inside the White House janitorial staff tell us that over two dozen breakroom donuts were thrown out the day of the memo." If you enjoyed this satire by Iowahawk, you can read more of his work here. Why We Invaded Iraq
Given that we're more than a year out from the start of the war in Iraq, fighting has flared up recently, and opponents of the war have been trying rewrite history to take advantage of the fact that our intelligence estimates about WMD in Iraq have proven to be inaccurate, it's important to remind people why we went to Iraq. To begin with, it's important to put the war in context. We must remember that we have been trying to remove Saddam Hussein from power since the Gulf War. Here's David Frum on that subject, "In the 2000 election, both candidates spoke openly about the need to deal with Saddam Hussein. Al Gore was actually more emphatic on the topic than George Bush was. In 1998, Congress passed and President Clinton signed the Iraq Liberation Act. Just to show how conspiratorial they were, they put it in the Congressional record. In 1995, the CIA tried to organize a coup against Saddam Hussein and it failed. The coup was secret, but it has been written about in 5 or 6 books that I know of. In 1991, representatives of President George H. W. Bush went on the radio and urged the Iraqi people to rise up against Saddam Hussein. So America's policy on Saddam has been consistent. What we have been arguing about for years are the methods. First, we tried to encourage a rebellion in Iraq, that didn't work. Then we tried coups; that didn't work. Then in 1998, we tried funding Iraqi opposition. That might have worked, but the money never actually got appropriated. Then, ultimately we tried direct military power. The idea that Saddam should go has been the policy of the United States since 1991." (Cont)
April 13, 2004
Bush Doesn't Owe Anyone An Apology For 9/11, The Terrorists Do
One other thing that irritated me about the press conference tonight was the idea that Bush should apologize for 9/11. What a load of horse puck! Maybe I just don't remember it, but I don't recall any demands for Clinton to apologize for the first WTC attack, for the Oklahoma City bombing, for the Khobar Towers bombings, for our African embassy bombings, for turning down Sudan's offer to hand over Bin Laden in 1996, for the US Cole bombing, etc, etc, etc. Moreover, do we hear these calls for apologies every time there's a terrorist attack in Israel? Again, maybe I just missed this, but when was the last time Ariel Sharon was asked by an Israeli reporter to apologize because some Hamas terrorist blew himself up on a bus? What about the police? If someone robs your apartment or house, do you ask the cop who comes to take the report to apologize because you got robbed? No, you place where it belongs, on the criminal responsible. And as far as 9/11 goes, aren't the members of Al-Qaeda the ones who should be apologizing? They're the ones who planned the attacks and carried them out. But Al-Qaeda's not running for office in November and Bush is. Besides, the whole idea that Bush should apologize fits in perfectly with the Democratic approach to the war on terrorism. They'd rather promote the false idea that we can win on defense, that we can prevent attacks solely by beefing up our internal security. So if something goes wrong, if an attack gets through, that means WE must have screwed up and we'll just have to spend more money and give the government more power to deal with the problem. That allows Democrats to sit back, like Clinton did and Kerry plans to do, and pretend that we're taking significant steps against terrorism while actually doing very little of significance. But that's the wrong approach if we want to make American more secure. So if anything, people should be thanking Bush for relentlessly hunting down the people responsible for 9/11 instead of asking him to apologize.... Why Aren't The Iraqis Still In The Streets Welcoming Our Military?
Since violence has flared up in Iraq, John Kerry -- among others -- has been peddling this line, "Where are the people with the flowers, throwing them in the streets, welcoming the American liberators the way Dick Cheney said they would be?" Well, the Iraqis did welcome their American liberators -- when we liberated them. For example, here are some quotes from a RWN post from March 3rd of last year... "In Zubayr... "A crowd of about 500 Iraqis cheered on Wednesday after Britain's Desert Rats unit demolished a five-metre high, five-ton bronze statue of President Saddam Hussein. Lance Corporal Graeme Church said the British forces were shocked by the response they received when they began to knock down the statue. "As soon as the locals saw what we were doing, they started coming out to watch," said the 27-year-old from the north-eastern English city of Middlesborough. "It was as though over the years the statue had helped to put a stranglehold on the whole town and by its destruction the people had been emancipated." In Safwan... "Corporal Sharon Astor joined one of the first British patrols to take off their helmets in the town of Safwan. And her stunning looks and sunny smile won her an army of admirers. Sharon, 25, from the Wirral, Cheshire, said: "I can't believe the reception I've had - it must be my long blonde hair. "The kids and some of their dads have been queuing up to give me a kiss - it's totally unexpected." She was the centre of attention as she handed out water, sweets and biscuits to children in the rundown town near the Kuwaiti border. She even allowed the smiling kids to try on her camouflaged desert helmet in return for a peck on the cheek." In Umm Qasr, ``I hope they continue doing what they are coming for and they get Saddam,'' Haider Abduljabar Mrayir, 20, a former student who was hoping to get hired at the port, said of the U.S. and British forces. ...``The British army is here, we are safe,'' said Yasser Hassan Ghanim, 22, who has been unemployed since running away from the Iraqi army in 2001. ``But we are afraid the armies will go back just like in 1991.'' ...Still, many Iraqis said they were happy coalition troops were patrolling the streets. ``We don't want Saddam Hussein. He doesn't pay attention to our suffering,'' said Ferras Mohammed, 30, who was walking through town with water jugs perched on the back of a battered bicycle. ``We have been waiting for you to come. We feel good to have soldiers here.'' In NAJAF... As American troops moved through this holy city Wednesday, thousands of Iraqis lined the streets and greeted them with smiles, chants and advice about the whereabouts of Iraqi forces. ..."It was like the liberation of Paris," said Army Lt. Col. Chris Hughes, 42, of Red Oak, Iowa, after returning from a meeting with representatives of the city's leading Islamic cleric. "It was incredible." So let's make it clear -- we got a fantastic reception when we liberated Iraq. But gratitude is not forever, it's fleeting. So, if you're someone who still expects the Iraqi people to be just grateful to us today as the day we freed them from Saddam, then I'd suggest you don't have much of an understanding of human nature.... New Democratic Ad: Kill Donald Rumsfeld!
The Drudge Report today revealed a fund raising ad for John Kerry run by the St. Petersburg Democratic Club. Here's the text of the ad... "Senator Edward Kennedy is absolutely right when he called Iraq "Bush's Vietnam." But it's not only Bush. It's his whole d@mn Bunch: Cheney, Powell, Rumsfeld, Rice, Rove and Ridge. They've tried to blame the Iraq war on bad intelligence, on Al Qaida, on terrorists, on foreigners from Iraq and Syria. Bush doesn't even know who in the hell we're fighting. The Bush Bunch calls the Iraqis insurgents. Did you know that Britain called the American revolutionaries insurgents and traitors? The Iraqis aren't insurgents. They're Iraqi patriates [sic] who want us the hell out of their country, and we should get the hell out of their country now! We have Marines and soldiers being killed by the dozens with many more wounded. How many have to be killed before the Bush Bunch is satisfied? How many burial services of our Iraq dead has Bush attended? Any? How many military hospitals has Bush visited to talk to our wounded who have lost arms, or legs, or their eye sight, or combinations of these – how many?" Do you know what the most fascinating thing about this ad is to me? It calls the thugs, terrorists, and religious fanatics who make up the Iraqi insurgency "patriates" & compares them to the Founding Fathers, advocates leaving Iraq right now which would lead to an Iraqi civil war, and suggests tossing Donald Rumsfeld "up against a wall" and "pull(ing) the trigger" -- all in an effort -- perhaps a successful effort -- to convince Democratic voters to give money to John Kerry! Welcome to the new Democratic mainstream folks, hope you like what you see.... August 6 PDB Reveals CIA Agents Rely On 'TV News' By Scott Ott
After careful analysis, the now-famous President's Daily Brief (PDB) memo from August 6, 2001 seems to reveal that the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency relies heavily on a previously-unknown intelligence source, code-named 'TV News.' A clearer picture of the shadowy world of international espionage emerged in the memo which stated: Bin Ladin implied in US television interviews in 1997 and 1998 that his followers would follow the example of World Trade Center bomber Ramzi Yousef and "bring the fighting to America." "When you say 'CIA Agents' most people picture James Bond-style spies, sleuthing around at risk of life and limb," said one unnamed source at the CIA (who is not Valerie Plame). "But most of the time, we're flopped on the couch, eating Pop-Tarts and watching the top three news networks -- FoxNews, CNN and al Jazeera. Of course, it's all in a top-secret, secure location and the TV satellite signal is encrypted." The source noted that the CIA uses "descrambling" technology, purchased on the cyber-black market, to decode the satellite 'TV signal'. White House spokesman Scott McClellan said the president receives a similar "feed" directly from a cable TV company, through a "digital black box" which sits on top of a "TV set." If you enjoyed this satire from Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.
April 12, 2004
There Is No Such Thing As A Glass Ceiling In The Blogosphere
Michele Catalano of A Small Victory seems to be a touch bitter about Wonkette's meteoric rise to fame, "I'm just wondering - how does a relatively unkown person suddenly become the hottest blogger in the political blogger circle when it seems that her column is just a Gawker for the DC crowd? ...So now this chick comes along and she writes a couple of half-witty paragraphs every day, most of them dealing with John Kerry's sexual organ and anal sex, and she's the hottest thing on the internet. Men love her, women worship her and people quote her like she's the queen of all that is popular. Including the person who originally wrote me chastising me for my sex talk." Honestly, I can't explain how Wonkette got so big, so fast either. Ana Marie Cox who runs the page is funny on occasion and she updates a lot, but I'd estimate Wonkette is at least 2 or 3 times bigger than Right Wing News and her page got that big in the blink of an eye. But, how did "All Your Base" get so big so fast? How did "Hot Or Not" go from nobody to like a million people a day in about a month? How or better yet, why, did the Hampster Dance become an internet sensation a few years back? That's just one of those freaky things that happen on the net sometimes. Michelle seems to think Wonkette blew up because she peppers her posts with talk about "John Kerry's sexual organ and anal sex" and she goes on to say, "Many months ago I received an email from a male blogger who told me that if I want people to recognize my writing and if I wanted to make a name for myself, I should concentrate on my serious writing and stop writing about topics such as boobs and sex." Psssst Michele? That would have been good advice if you're trying to get a job writing for the Cato Institute. But, you run a blog. Talking about boobs and sex on occasion is only going to help. But, I digress...back to Michele on Wonkette -- no, not literally although I would buy the PPV (just a little sexist humor there, snort, snort)... "Guys will give you all the props you want as long as you are hot and write about sex. But if you aren't hot, or if you don't have a cute little image on your site depciting how adorably cute you are, then just give it up.... This is why guys have an easier time "making it" or being taken serisously than women do. They just have to write. We have to be whores. I give up. Why bother spending hours doing research and writing, re-writing and editing when tiny little items about Bush's daughter are what's making the grade around blogs these days? You want the big boys to link you, girls? Start undressing. Or get a makeover." I fully know that what I'm about to say going to get me into trouble, but I just have call it like I see it. This statement is so bogus.... "This is why guys have an easier time "making it" or being taken serisously than women do. They just have to write. We have to be whores." The reality is that women have a much EASIER time making it in the blogging world than men do. The average male blogger will link a piece written by a female blogger, especially one who's attractive, over an equally well written piece on the same topic by a man, 9 times out of 10. I know some of you are thinking "BS Hawkins! There's a glass ceiling out there for women in the blogosphere!" Pshaw! There are at least 5 -- AT LEAST -- talented and driven male bloggers out there on the right side of the blogosphere for every talented female blogger so it's much easier for a woman to stand out. Especially if she's "hot and write(s) about sex". Just to show you what I mean, I went back and looked at a post I made last month picking my favorite 40 blogs on the net. Keeping in mind that gender was the last thing on my mind when I made the list, guess what the breakdown was? 35 men to 5 women. To be honest, I'm not even sure there are 35 readable blogs written by women on the right side of the blogosphere. By the time you get that deep -- assuming you don't count male/female group blogs -- you'd practically be down to women posting flag cake recipes every two days. Hey, shoot the messenger if you like, but I didn't make the blogosphere the way it is, I'm just pointing it out. The truth is: if you're female and you can write, you can make it just fine in the blogosphere -- just like Michele and Wonkette have. And as far as the sex talk goes? Heck, women should just be glad they have the option to use that as a way to pull in extra traffic if they so desire... |
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