Carnival of the Vanities #81

The stars are gathered here tonight, folks, after endorsing Graham Lester’s blog, for the Carnival of the Vanities #81, a special event indeed because it marks the 79th annual OSCARS OF THE VANITIES AWARDS. We’re coming to you live from the beautiful Linda Rader Staff Development Center Auditorium in Gastonia, North Carolina.

Our emcee tonight, Mr. Jeff Doolittle, would like to preface the ceremonies with a few words. "Fellow Vanities, though our thoughts turn tonight to the wealth of wonderful posts out there on the web, I ask you to take a moment of silence. And while you’re silent, head over to my blog and read Carnival of the Consumers #1."

"…"

"Thank you. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the OSCARS OF THE VANITIES!"

And now, the awards!

In the category of Most Conservative Post, the nominees are:

Q and O, for "Doomsayers Never Quit," a scathing rip at Bob Herbert.

Last week’s Carnival host Eric Berlin, for blasting Sesame Street for encouraging children to get along.

Dan O’Leary, Pragmatic Conservatism, for "The Top Ten Reasons John Kerry is Wrong for California."

Brian K. Noggle, for laughing off the suggestion that declaring a Jesus Day in Texas makes Bush a religious zealot.

Spot On, for questioning the patriotism of people who wonder why their patriotism is being called into question. And you wonder.

Kiril Kundurazieff, for his thoughts on thinking while reading liberal websites and blogs.

John Moore of Useful Fools, for short commentary on a long quote from Zell Miller.

Undercaffienated, for one sentence.

In the category of Best Post About Domestic Affairs, the nominees are:

Last One Speaks, for an indictment of police informants and the potential dangers some may pose.

Eleven Day Empire, for outing corporate corruption and noting that our economy sucks, and we're scared about it.

Kevin Baker, the Smallest Minority, for exploring judicial unwillingness to re-examine the law.

Fried Man, for not blithely accepting Democratic support for Daily Kos.

The People's Republic of Seabrook, for also calling out Kos's idiocy last week.

BoiFromTroi, for excessive use of the "oi" letter combination and an examination of Bush as a neo-Marxist from a perspective that the left and the right have been ignoring.

Snooze Button Dreams, for coming up with a novel idea for hearing Muslim voices against terrorism. Now we'll see if any Muslims read his blog.

In the category of Best Post on the EU, the nominees are:

Solomon of Solomonia, for posting his notes on a Bat Ye’or lecture at Brandeis.

Captain’s Quarters, for reporting on anti-Semitism in the EU.

Alan Henderson, for awarding a prize of his own in anticipation of the Oscars of the Vanities.

PC Watch, for noting that preserving racism is PC in Europe.

The Smarter Cop, for lamenting the poor response to terrorism in Spain.

In the category of Best Business Post, the nominees are:

Guest blogger Joseph Katzman and The Pro’s Edge, for taking note that Mark Cuban is passionate about everything he does.

Classical Values, for exploring a granular piece of the journalism business: Jodi Wilgoren, a Maureen Dowd in the making?

WordLab, for telling us that they have managed to maintain a profit model while giving away their product, but not telling us how.

John Ray, for finally clueing us all in about stopping spam.

In the category of Best Work of Fiction, the nominees are:

Mark Philip Alger, Baby Troll Blog, for Report from New Xenaland, One-A, the return of the Dolly Apocrypha to the Internet.

There's One, Only!, for infiltrating hippy headquarters through a Goodwill store.

In the category of Best Giggle, the nominees are:

Bad Money, for 15 pirate pickup lines.

Madeleine Kane, for her political parody song Fact-Free Bush.

Blog maven Da Goddess, for fielding a question from her 7-year-old son that would freak most people out.

Wicked Thoughts, for a truly wicked thought.

Hypocrisy and Hypotheses, for "I Was Free, Free-Ballin'."

Quibbles N Bits, for proposing the perfect alternative to the worst television has to offer.

Late entrant Thief's Den, for his ten-minute parody of Shakespeare. Out, out, damn spam!

Pete Holidan, former Carnival host and proprietor of The Encyclopetia, for April fooling around. Cruelly.

In the category of Best Observation of the Absurd, the nominees are:

Joanne Jacobs, who reports that an Australian teacher sued his school and won damages after he was fired for having sex with a student.

Nearer the Source, who has found a link that's bound to piss you off... if you're inclined to be pissed off.

In the category of Best Post About Real Life, the nominees are:

Man Meets Baby, for getting complacent during the pregnancy.

Babalu Blog, for telling the story of walking into a Cuban lawyer's office to pick up a check and walking out breathless and angry.

Accidental Verbosity, for a pictoral that reminds us that not all is right in the world.

WOLves, for noting that the blogging world beyond Instapundit is healthy and useful.

Feste... a Foolblog, for writing a song parody for the Kumbaya crowd.

Rogue Pundit, for a thought-provoking look at obesity and anorexia.

Gleeful Extremist, for saying, "Screw work, I want to build a boat."

Interested Participant, for finding the direct correlation between lesbianism and smoking.

And finally, in the category of Best Post, the nominees are:

Albany resident Dan Dunford, for his poignant essay on Warren Zevon lyrics and his grandmother’s illness.

Dan Dunford again, for reflections on Kurt Cobain.

Josh Cohen, for his thoughts on inalienable rights... disappearing.

Solonor, for his rawking version of Big River and his disclaimer in his e-mail ("If posting your own recordings online ain't vanity, I don't know what is.")

Zero Intelligence, for calling out the stupidity of punishing the victim.

You Big Mouth, You, for posting a chilling follow-up to a post from Silflay Hraka.

And the winners are...: YOU, Carnival readers!

Bet you didn't see that ending coming.

Thank you... and goodnight!

Upcoming Carnival Stops include:
April 14th BoiFromTroy
April 21st Southern Musings
April 28th WOLves
May 3rd The Thief's Den
May 12th Confessions Of A Political Junkie
May 19th Dispatches from the Culture Wars
May 26th Spot On
June 2nd Read My Lips
June 9th Ambient Irony
June 16th Jessica's Well
June 23rd A Single Guy In The South
June 30th quasi in rem
July 7th democrats give conservatives indigestion
July 14th d-42.com
July 21st Soundfury

EDIT: Some of the links weren't working, due to smart quotes. Serves me right for doing preliminary authoring in Word. They're fixed now. 4-7, 9:50 AM

Posted by Ross at April 6, 2004 08:39 PM | TrackBack