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Victoria's Secret Opens In Iraq!
by:  Colonel Morton T. Morton

RepublicanPress.com  War Correspondent

(Baghdad, Iraq)
We wheeled our Haliburton Company Car into the Grand Opening of Baghdad's first Victoria's Secret store.  We watched in awe as Iraqi women were buying panties and bras.  A tear come to my eyes when an old Iraqi woman walked up to me with her arms full of panties and said, "Thank you GI Joe, and thank President Bush!   For today, I buy panties for the first time in my life!"  This old compassionate Conservative warhorse got choked up from this old Iraqi bitch's broken English confession.   Full_Story

 

The Real Richard Clarke!
by:  I. Fester Auspice

Former Reagan White House Staffer / Poet Laureate

As most of my readers know, I worked in the Reagan White House.  I served double duty on Reagan's Staff and also served as his official Poet Laureate.  Each moment that I spent with the Great Communicator was a learning experience.  Those were historical days when President Reagan single-handedly tore down the Berlin Wall, stood toe to toe with the Soviets, and put America back in front of the world, and even recognized the threat that Richard Clarke would one day pose!  Full_Story


One Mad Media Whore!
by:  Kathleen Kuntly
, GOP Media Diva

Yeah, you read the title right, this is one Republican media whore that has had it up to her cooter hairs, which by the way are blonde!  I have had it with John Kerry and the rest of his commie band of brothers!  President Bush is not only a war president, he is a warrior! He served proudly, with honor, in the Texas Air Guard, and in the Alabama Air Guard where he was decorated three times with the Pabst Blue Ribbon, for valor unbecoming in drunken bar fights! Full_Story


Reader Comments

"I stand for morals, and Republican values.   Queers are a threat to our Democracy, but I love watching porn with two women going at it."  -- Lester Newby -- Rockfish, AL

"I don't know much about politics, but I read RepublicanPress.com and I know the Commie Liberals want all of our women to have abortions!" -- Fred Webb -- Spencer, TN

"President Bush is a uniter not a divider, and if the Democrats don't like it they can go to hell!" -- Mona Mann --Butte, MT


   Lessons Of Big Government!
by:  Boxcar Pud Acuff, Country Music Star, GOP Supporter

I'm just an ole' country singer from Mule Ass, Tennessee who believes in the red, white, and blue!  Shoot, I ain't the brightest light bulb, but I know that I ain't smart neither.   I figure that when our President sends our troops off to war we have to stand by our president and not ask questions!  This is something real Americans do. We stand by our president, if he is a republican that is.   Full Story


Reagan's Plan For Iran!
by:  I. Fester Auspice

Former Reagan White House Staffer

I remember walking into President Reagan's hospital room on a cold December day back in 1987.  President Reagan was awaiting his yearly physical.  He was sitting up in his bed, watching his favorite television show -- Tom and Jerry.  President Reagan was roaring with laughter as the cartoon mouse ran from the cartoon cat.  I spoke softly, "Mr. President, I came in today to brief you about Iran."
Full Story



New Hampshire Primary:
Spying On The Dems!
by:  Claymore D. Liddy
, Ex-CIA Spy

New Hampshire --
Our own RepublicanPress spy, Claymore D. Liddy, is on the ground in New Hampshire and getting the inside story on the immoral Democrat candidates!  The porn, the drugs, killing sprees, get it all here!
  Full_Story



 


The Real John Kerry
by:  Claymore D. Liddy, Ex-CIA Spy

(Massachusetts)
C
laymore goes undercover as John Kerry's bus driver to get the scoop on his involvement with Jane Fonda, gay marriage, abortion, and illegal drugs!
                 
Full Story

 


Back To The Future
by:  Conrad Burns

RepublicanPress Science Editor

Our beloved President previewed his State of the Union address with the stunning announcement of his vision for America's future.  This conservative Republican scientist was shocked and awed at what the President had to say.  Being a conservative scientist, I have a stake in the advancement of science in this country (so long as that science advances the causes of big business). 
 Full Story


President Bush:  Compassionate My Ass!
by:  Christopher Jennings

Token Commie Liberal

President Bush and Vice President Cheney have not attended a single funeral or memorial service for any of the 380-plus U.S. troops who have given their lives.  President Bush does not want to bring more attention to these deaths with an election now less than 12 months away. Polls such as the latest Newsweek Poll show 50% of Americans definitely plan to vote Bush out, and only 44% plan to vote for him.
Full Story



The Shi'ite Hits The Fan!
by:  Colonel Morton T. Morton

RepublicanPress.com War Correspondent

Baghdad, Iraq -
Colonel Morton T. Morton is on the ground in Iraq giving REAL AMERICANS the truth about what's going on in Iraq!  This week Colonel Morton and war buddy Colonel Pooner watch in horror as their Haliburton company car is fire bombed! 
Full Story


The South Will Rise Again!
by:  "Uncle" Thomas Lee Watts

Janitor/Columnist

This colored Republican is still furious over the comments made by Howard Dean regarding my homeland, sweet, sweet, Dixie!  "In Dixieland I make my stand, to live and die in Dixie!"  I sing aloud as I sit behind my computer and write. Recently we all know Howard Dean made comments that he wanted to be the candidate for people in the South with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks.  How dare a Yankee try to tell us what to do!  Does Mr. Dean not know that if the South would have won the Civil War we would have it made?   Full Story


Why I Can't Be A Republican
by:  Christopher Jennings

Token Commie Liberal

It wasn't anything special I did that caused the many blessings I have received throughout my life. I did nothing to cause my situation in life. The blessing I am most proud of has nothing to do with money, or awards or fame, and I can honestly say that I have none of the three.  I am most proud of the fact that I came from, and still have, a good close family. I am indeed a lucky man.
 Full_Story


Don't Badmouth Bush!
by:  Judge Roy Bean IV

Ragweed, Texas

The former Secretary of the Treasury, Paul O'Neill, broke the number one rule of my beloved Neocon conservatism:  Never criticize a Republican President!  Old panzy-Paul went running to the liberal press with his ass dragging the ground.  Now, I ain't the smartest shitwipe in this world of assholes, but I know that there are things that average Americans don't need to know. 
 Full Story


I Stand With Zell! 
"Boxcar" Pud Acuff, Country Music Star / Proud Conservative

I ain't very smart and I don't claim to be.  Shoot, I just try to be the good ole' boy I was brought up to be. I'm just an old Republican country singer from the small as a horse turd town of Mule Ass, Tennessee.  I'm a product of my family and that damn little horse turd town.  I believe just like my daddy and his daddy before him, that a man don't go round pokin' other men in the pooter.  I'm not like them durn commie liberals.  
Full Story




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