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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Brandi And Scott's LiveJournal:
| Friday, February 22nd, 2002 | |
| 4:37 pm | hhhmmmmmm Well I got to the journal first...... heh heh heh |
| 6:27 am | I’m slipping back into the old Brandi and it’s scaring the sh!t out of me.... I can’t be losing sleep over this, just give me a few hours and I’ll have this all figured out. If my mind would just stop racing. I just can’t stand still, I can’t be this unsturdy. I don’t know what’s happening to me, one day I’m being told that I had my head together and that I was becoming such a pretty young lady by and old teacher friend of mine from my old school. Then in a couple of hours I can’t stop crying because I was hurt so bad by someone I thought I was GREAT friends with. Its just I give people my all, and I always get hurt. When I feel like I’ve clicked with someone, and they start gaining my trust, I start putting everything into this friendship. It takes a lot to gain my trust, when you do finally get it, I tell things that I wouldn’t even tell my mom. Its like I let down my guard with you, and it’s no longer “The Brandi that is acting the way she has to because of the place she’s in.” Its me, Brandi, with no strings attached. In a friendship it’s a two way street, I don’t care who you are. So when I give ME in a friendship I expect the same thing from the person. I mean if I’m at the point where I’m just laid back, then obviously I’m comfortable with you. Like I’ve been saying, having my full trust is not an easy place to get 2. So what I’m saying if I’m being 100% ME 2 you, then you should be 100% you 2 me. That’s where I got hurt the other night, because someone I thought I was tight with lets me in on a little secret. This whole time I had been telling them very personal stuff, and being 100% me. They hadn‘t been true, they were only giving me 50% of them. They were acting the way they felt they had to because of the place they were at, and what they were. Sure at times I got to see some of the REAL side. But I was still really hurt because I trusted someone who I thought I knew, but I guess I didn’t. It hurt me so much to know that this person had been lying to me the whole time. (I can’t even write about it without my eyes tearing up) When I read that email I felt betrayed. Then I started talking with that person, I was just so hurt that I didn’t feel like talking to them. It’s like how can you tell me this and then expect me to be all buddy-buddy with you? So after I got done talking I shut down the computer, went to my room, and as soon as the door shut the tears started falling. I turned off my lights, turned on some music, and just chilled in my room beating my pillow every once in a while, and crying softly. I got up the next morning, told myself to brush it off, don’t let anyone see you hurt, and just carry on. I smiled and said everything was cool, but I still couldn’t be myself. For the rest of the day I said as little as possible, but enough to make it look like nothing was bothering me. I was walking out of a room when I heard them yell after me, but I couldn’t turn around. As soon as I got out of the door I accidentally let a couple of tears fall but quickly wiped them away. To think this person was just about on of the first to actually gain all my trust... Its just they always run and hide behind work. They use that as a shield against me. Its like I thought we were tighter than that, I thought it was a good friendship and not this, I guess you could say, a co-worker friendship. So thank you ever so much.... I guess this just bothers me so much because I’m out of here in a couple of months. These last few months are all I have left to enjoy everyone’s company. Especially this person’s company, which I’ve enjoyed, and that why this sucks. Granted that not all my depression for this week is not all from this, but this is the thing that isn’t sleeping as we speak. I don’t want to fight about it, I just want you to know how I feel.... Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: Mary J. Blige- No More Drama |
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2002 | |
| 5:23 pm | Walk On.... Went to school today... WOW! :) Got to talk to people I hadn't in 5 days. That was cool, because I missed people. Although I did get a little ticked off today. It wasn't that I was mad that I was ready to fight. It was I was mad at myself, and a little annoyed for someone not giving my till the end of the day, and had to go and tell on me! :P haha!I sound like I'm fighting with a sibling. Actually its my teacher. Well 2...OK....I have this project I had to do. I had a couple of finishing touches to make..so I wasn't ready to turn it in. But I told him that I would give it to him by the end of the day, he just nodded and walked away. Then he runs and tell Irwin that I didn't turn it in, Irwin gets on my case... GRR!! Oh well, whats said is said, I just really wish teachers would stop telling on me... :) haha! I got mad at someone so much today. I was getting dressed out of my PE clothes, and one of the girls, I'm not going to name names, she goes...how did you get a better grade than me? And how could you be student of the month? I got so pissed, I turned around,and shot this little look and said "whats that supposed to mean? and Chris grabbed me, she was like Calm Down Brandi. I was a little ticked off for the rest of the day. I stopped by my old Elementary school. It was fun, I talked to my old math teacher. Mr.G wasn't there. :( Infact my old math teacher knows Irwin, they went to a meeting and got paired up...I have to ask him is he remember her...she remembers him... Well I have to catch up in this 2 page email from a friend... bye ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  angryCurrent Music: Walk On -U2 |
| Tuesday, February 19th, 2002 | |
| 4:09 pm | go figure..... I don't know who I am but me com-pu-tor sez  What Pattern Are You? |
| 1:44 pm | You have to put up with a lot having a teenage daughter Well, I went to my mom's work today. It was really cool, we went out to lunch at Pat & Oscars. :::yummy::: Then went back to my moms work. I wanted to met Sam and Steve, but they were in a meeting. I met Sam at the last minute, but I never got to met Steve, which I was really looking forward 2 meeting. On the way home Rogue let me take control of the radio. I turned off 690, and put in *Nsync. My brother slapped his head, Ali and I started laughing and dancing. It was so funny because Rogue started getting into it. :) You really do have to put up with stuff when you have a teenage daughter...such a BOYS! :) I spiked my hair today, my Mom likes it when I do, but I had many problems with it today. Its getting 2 long to spike it correctly. As soon as I'm done with this I am getting in the shower to wash the ICE SPIKER out. It smells good. I am not cutting my hair again, I'm growing it back out to the way I had it before. That was I can do stuff with it. I gotta go back to school tomorrow! :( I've actually enjoyed this break, and I've gotten along fine with my mom. I just wish Alex wouldn't have been here. He is trying to give me crap right now that Ford doesn't make a Triton V10...and its V8! I KNOW WHAT I SAW! AND IT WAS A V10!!!!!!!!!!! He pisses me off..I dont like him...its his dads weekend..what the hell is he still doing in my house! Ali and I had a good time in the car today. Then we got home and wrestled...it was fun. She is so funny, she can roll her tongue and make this weird noise, I cant do it, but she can, and she cracks me up. I think she would have fun doing that with Danny. He makes those weird noises. I wrote Ben, and Andrea letters last night. Tonight I have 2 do Gena and Danny. I also need to write Gabe. I need to get Ben's address...hey Ben, if your reading this..please email it 2 me AGAIN! :) haha! SIRWIN!! I need the newspapers if you expect me to correct them....slacker! HAHAHA! I'm just playing...you know I love ya! :) But then again...everyone knows I love them, well at least I think they do... Maybe not everyone, but everybody that is worth anything do... Do I make sense? I need to go get more jeans tonight. My favorite pair got a hole in them. :( I wanna play something! Hmm... I could play Monopoly, Jr. On my laptop..that thing is so cool! Rogue and I got home and were watching MTV together...well it was more, I got the remote before he did, so I win! He likes POD-Youth Of the Nation! HAHAHA! That song cool...but hes 50! thats wrong! haha! Its ok..my dad is 48, and he likes Sum41 a lot. K, well I'm bout to go get in the shower again...I can't stand having this stuff in my hair. So.. TTFN, ta ta for now! HAHA! Lovez ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: POD- Youth Of The Nation |
| Monday, February 18th, 2002 | |
| 10:31 pm | You can tell I'm bored when I'm doing these things  What Pattern Are You? Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: My head is pounding |
| 10:23 pm | Alex took the fashion quiz. and this is what he got  ________________________________________ I rest my case on this...he acts tough, but he's a prep at heart! Current Mood:  amusedCurrent Music: Jimmy Eat World |
| Sunday, February 17th, 2002 | |
| 9:29 pm | Can u move it like this? I can shake it like that....... This weekend hasn’t stopped for a minute. Something is always going on, and I’m having a great time. Lets do a total run down of my weekend so far... Thursday- Came home from school. I was chillin and catching up on people, and email. Then I get Natasha and Rhonda at my door, and I end up leaving with them. We go see Rhonda’s Grandma. She is so sweet. Then went up 2 Rhonda’s mom’s house. She is also sweet, and really funny. Then went back to their house, and I spent the night. I had a blast; we were all laughing and having a great time. And of course, I had my Sobe. I swear the last 2 times I’ve been there, I’ve always had a bottle of Sobe in my hands! :) Friday- Got up about 9am. Which is really early for me. Went in and talked to Ray, aka Daddy. And of course we laughed. Then he left to take his mom to the doctors. So Natasha and I curled up in her parent’s bed and watched Pearl Harbor. And argued about Josh “Hornett” She thinks he hott, I think hes ugly as a dog, and I feel sorry for his parents! :) HAHAHA! I prefer Ben Affleck.... c’mon the guys hott! :) So then we went out to the computer, and stayed there for most of the day. I went in and made more space on her computer by deleting cookies, and the most of the 49 downloaded songs!!!!!! Then I talked to my mommy on the computer, and I made her laugh really hard. Rhonda got home, and we called my mom, and got her to let me spend the night again. So we went out and got tickets to see CrossRoads. Came home, ate dinner, took showers.... which by the way Natasha used all the hot water...and all of a sudden the water turned cold on me! :) haha! So then we went to the theater..and watched the movie. I was expecting it to be kinda stupid, or like super “teenish”. But it wasn’t, it was really funny. I mean Briteny wasn’t the next Julia Roberts, but she wasn’t bad. But there was this really hott guy in the movie named Anson Mount. That is like the worst name..Natasha and I were making jokes about it all night. So then we were walking out of the theater, and some guy gave me this big white rose....it was cool. Then as soon as we got home, Natasha and I jumped online, and looked up pictures of Anson. We went to this one website, and she had to look up Josh “Hornett”. I started cracking jokes, and by the time we got out of the computer room we were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. We made a video on the computer to the song NO MORE DRAMA. It looked really cool, because at the end, her and I get really serious. Well it went like this, I was sitting to the side, but behind her. And she was really close to the camera, so then at the end of the song, her and I look seriously into the camera. I have my head rested on my hand, and shes just sitting there, then after about 30second of that, you see Natasha’s face come towards the camers, and her mouth opens, and it looks like she swallowed the camera, and the screen goes black. It looked so cool... Saturday- It was my mom’s birthday. So I got home from Natasha’s at about 7am. My mom, Rogue, and Ali were up, so we talked for a long time. Then Rogue left to go “look at a garage sale” but then came home with 36 balloons. My mom loved it. Then Alex got up, and we gave her the gift from “the kids”. So then we went out to breakfast, we had Einstein Bagels. MMM! :) Came home, and just hung out till about 2pm. Went out to Coronado. Had lunch/dinner at this nice little hidden Mexican place. I love Coronado, I really like the Del. Its so pretty there... Came back, helped my mom get ready. They left to go on this Blues Cruise. I watched Ali for them. They didn’t get home till about 10pm. I went to bed, because I was really sleepy. Sunday- Got up early, went to church. Came home, and my brother left with Grandpa. Mom and I went out to the mall so she could exchange some things. We walked around Fashion Valley....it was cool, but it started drizzling. Then we went out to eat at Souplantation. (MMM!!!) Now I am here rocking out to 933. They have been playing the good song No more drama, Worlds Greatest (playing as we speak), Caramel, The new song from Baja Men (I cant think of the name), AND NOW LIFEHOUSE HANGING BY A MOMENT JUST CAME ON!! :) aww... :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) So tomorrow we are going to the Auto Show! I am totally excited; I look forward to this every year. Its fun to go in, look at all the cars, and pick your favorite. And talk about what you would do to the car... I’m such a dork! :) haha! Tuesday looks like I am going up to my mom’s office, thats going to be cool 2, she’s always telling about the people she works with, and I’m excited to finally met them. They sound like REALLY cool, funny people. Ali and I have been getting along really well. She is so funny, shes only about 2, but she is the tightest little person I’ve ever met. She cracks me up so much. My mom and I have also gotten along well, she made me yummy pancakes this morning. Then when she wasn’t looking I drank her lemonade...it was really funny. I’m so sick of my little brother Alex. Its his whole attitude towards everything. He acts like he’s so tough, and he can kick anyone’s ass. So I challenged him last night. I was like, I am so f***ing sick of you walking around like your the f***in’ s***! Let’s go, right now, and we started boxing. That's one plus about having a stepdad whom used to box. He's taught me so much, and I know how to fight enough to hold my own. So I gave Alex a little taste of reality. BY the end of the night, he snapped out of it, and wasn’t acting like such a jerk. But then this morning he's back to himself. He tried to scare me, by sitting there staring at me twirling a letter opener in his hand. I looked at him, I was like please, you can’t do shit with that. Need me to kick your ass again? I mean I think that’s got to say something about how sick I am of him. I mean if you know me, you know it takes a lot for me to get mad, and then enough to start boxing. I know its not really lady like, but hell with it...he need an ass kicking. am I right? I mean if you've met Alex, you know exactly what I'm talking about! So its been interesting and fun. I though my weekend was going to be totally boring, and I wasn’t expecting to do anything. But its been really fun, and I know its only going to keep going. See ya ~~*Brandi*~~ "Only God knows where the story ends for me, but I know where the story begins It's up to me to choose Whether we win or loose And I choose to win" Current Mood:  refreshedCurrent Music: no more drama- Mary J. Blige |
| 3:49 pm | ham sandwich I just ate a sandwich and now its time to take a nap....... Current Mood:  fullCurrent Music: muzac |
| Saturday, February 16th, 2002 | |
| 8:48 pm | what the? Have a great day and I hope the sun comes out soon :) |
| 8:05 pm | this is interesting  ________________________________________ HAHA! I love people! I love this...its so cool! :) Current Mood:  lovedCurrent Music: my heart beat |
| 1:28 pm | There goes the world This weekend has been just cool. I went to the movies and watched CROSSROADS.. good movie. Hot guy in it...Anson Mount. Who in the hell would name their kid that? Then after the movie some guy gave me a big white rose... I feel special! :) I'm going to the AUTOSHOW!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! todays my mom's bday! g2g... ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: lifehouse |
| Wednesday, February 13th, 2002 | |
| 5:11 pm | Haha this quiz this says I'm sexy....what a joke! I put down 1) Dark Hair =sexy 2) if I were to go out on a first date I would pick to: eat at a restaurant =romantic 3) Favorite Color: Green = "horny" (haha that brings back some really funny memories with Natasha and my body pillow...hahaha, I know that sounds wrong) 4) favorite thing to do out of skiing, surfing, skating I put Skating= determined (although I don't like any of them) 5) Favorite State California =like being around people 6)Haning out at the beach or cooler places Beach= your tan, you like the sun 7) B-day month July =smooth 8)friends or home? friends =crazy 9) Name 2 people of the opposite sex "BD" and Danny (because I just got an email from him) =they will fall in love with you (really? Isn't that kinda illegal?) I get to go to the mall with Natasha soon...YAY! I got hit in the head with a battery today... :( Love. ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  stressedCurrent Music: LifeHouse- Hanging by a moment -My dream song |
| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002 | |
| 5:52 pm | I hope you Dance I hope you never lose your sense of wonder You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger May you never take one single breath for granted God forbid love ever leave you empty handed I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance Never settle for the path of least resistance Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter When you come close to selling out Reconsider Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance Tell me who Wants to look back on their years and wonder Where those years have gone I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance Dance I hope you dance ________________________________________ To: Angela, Gena, Ben, Irwin, Kelly, Tim, Natasha, Derek, Danny, Andrea, Jeremy, Mitchell, Ali, Elizabeth, Colin, Chris and everyone else that I forgot that has made such an impact on my life. These are the people that I care about...these are the people that I don't know where I'd be without their love and support. I know I tell you all how much I care for you...but I want you to know again...and I do love you all....I dont know how you feel...but thats all I have to say for tonight. ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  geeky |
| Monday, February 11th, 2002 | |
| 7:03 pm | What if I said I don’t love you anymore? I got MANY comments on my last journal entry, and I feel I need to clear some things up. I got many comments about the “I love you” I feel that if you have taken time out of your day to see how I’m doing, and you care that much, I love you. I think I know you all considerably well enough that you are here to read about me, and not just to be nosey. So I feel that you care enough, and you probably love me. I would only give this link to family, and GOOD friends. By this I mean people I love and care about. I mean that from the depths of my soul, you all are the people I care about and nothing else matters. You would not have this journal link right now if I did not trust you, and want you apart of my life. I hope that I have served you as you have served me. Another thing, I do not direct these entries towards one person, they are to all of you unless I say other wise. As you can tell I am in a very proper and poetic mood. If you think this doesn’t sound like me, you should see the emails I just sent to my beloved cousins, referring to the ROTC program. They have guided me with honesty and love, and I thank them for it, which is why I run to them now when I need help with something they are experts on. School has become a tiresome bore. I no longer enjoy it as well as I used too. I find it a mindless repeat of things we have learned. Maybe it was taught to us a different way, but it all ends up the same. I also think one of my problems is a friend I cherish above all have neglected me. I feel that I am just in their way and nor do I bring the laughter and joy into their life like I did. I frown upon this, I don’t want to simply abandon what are friendship did hold. Maybe it’s the change in the air that makes me so delirious. Maybe everything is fine, and I have just been to blind to see it. It simply frustrates me about how paranoid I can get. I was rummaging through an old box of mine and I found a poem that a friend and kindly wrote for me on my birthday. It brought back many enjoyable memories, and ended up right on my wall. When I’m having a troublesome time I may look upon my wall and have the words of love push me on to better days. Along with that poem I have words of encouragement from books, people, songs, etc. I long to dance upon the hot summer sands of a calm beach with my cousins close by my sides. I long to go and explore the lands and find laughter and love along the way. I want to sit down at night and roast marshmallows on the fire to make delicious snacks with the marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate. While my father enlightens us with childhood tales. I want to get away at night and sit by the creek with my feet in the water with the sun slowly sinking behind me. I want the freedom of feeling alive, and dance to the Spanish beets in my heart. I long to feel like me again........ Current Mood:  artisticCurrent Music: The Man Who Sold The World- David Bowie |
| Sunday, February 10th, 2002 | |
| 8:55 pm | I miss my cousins I miss Andrea and Danny. I want to talk to them about something... I should email them...I will...later. I got my dad to give me back my aqua CD. He loves them so much...its funny. I had to remind him its my CD and hes had it for over a year, its my turn. I have to listen to it tonight, in the dark, like Andi and I did in the summer. We would sit there and talk for hours. I miss her so much. I miss being outside on the deck talking to both of them..... ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  exhaustedCurrent Music: Aqua |
| Saturday, February 9th, 2002 | |
| 10:20 am | It's been a long time It's been awhile since I have ever felt that happiness from last night. Where you wake up with a smile on your face, and your all giddy, I love that feeling. Don't worry..I didn't agree to anything...I just had a GREAT TIME. I get to go to my dad in a couple of minutes. I don't wanna. But my mom is being a super bitch...so I guess I wont mind for this weekend. She tells me to clean my room. I do. She then ask me to go to the mall with her while I'm cleaning my room. I tell her let me finish this. She goes off on me because I didn't go to the mall with her, why? BECAUSE I WAS CLEANING MY ROOM JUST THE WAY SHE ASKED ME 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So she is in a pissy mood right now, I'm tiered of things not going her way, and gets all pissed off. I always have to be around here, I can't have ME time. I hate it so much. Who feels like rescuing me? I know a couple of people that do... :) My foot is asleep....I hate when it does that. I found out that one of my good friends likes me. I hate when they do that. (I'm talking about a friend at school) But when you get really TIGHT with a guy, and you tell them who you like, and you tell them what they can know. I mean I didn't trust him with my life story, there is still so much he doesn't know. But I still obsessed about guy and problems around him. Then Friday he had Colin tell me he likes me. I feel really bad because I had just looked at him as a friend. And if I had known that he liked me, I wouldn't have obsessed about other people in front of him. Cause that would be mean...something I am not.... Am I ever mean? *Well I know I am mean once in a while, but am I always in a bitchy mood? Well, I'm outta here. If you read this, first of all I love you...I swear secondly I'm gonna miss you thirdly your a great friend for taking time to read about me Have a nice weekend Love, ~~*Brandi*~~~ Current Mood:  hungryCurrent Music: The Man Who Sold The World- David Bowie |
| Thursday, February 7th, 2002 | |
| 5:48 pm | Your gonna miss me when I'm gone! To much drama for one day. I tried to be in a good mood so I could keep up my part of the deal with Irwin, but I didn't make it past 2nd period. We were playing basketball right? I was blocking Colin, and then when he would block me, but he made some really cheap shoots. I dont know if he was doing them acidentally, cause I know I made some bad moves but didn't realize what I hit....if you get what I mean. I didn't hurt anyone...thank God, but I guess it was just the hype of the game. I love to play basketball, and I get really into it. So anyways, Colin kept giving me his looks, the look like oh you've gone and done it now. So after when we were walking to 3rd, I walked up to him and was like, ok what did I do now? He looked at me and said nothing. Then I said then why do you keep giving me the look like I just said the meanest thing ever...Only I said "like I fucking killed someone" but now that I think about it, that didn't fit. So with that being said, he looked at me and said you just killed someone and stormed off. I was so pissed. Then at lunch he hands me this letter, and I was like should I read this, or is this one of those I hate you die die notes. He just smiled and said do what you want. So I read it, and I was so mad. Because the first half he makes me sound like I am some bitch that is inconsiderate, and that its all my fault. For example he wrote: "Ever since you broke up with me, you haven't been talking to Chris or me! You talk to Irwin, Brian, or fucking Elise!" That really made me mad. Because this whole letter he makes it sounds like I totally neglect him. When I did try to hang around him and everyone, and try to patch things up. I got this bad vibe. And the thing is, I knew it was going happen. It was my fault, I should have known that this relationship would completly come between me and my friends. So he takes more cheep shots, and gets on my case about having friends outside of the circle. Maybe if I weren't getting bad vibes I wouldn't be haning out with Brian, Irwin, and Elise (As much) I mean I love them all so much, and they are kinda all I got and want right now. I just hope they dont get burnt out on me. But back to my story, he just made me mad because he yelled at me for having friends other than him. Then he goes on yelling at me, using Fuck, Bullshit, Shit in every sentence. Then you gotta love this, in the last paragraph he goes, I love you, I had a great time going out with you, your are the coolest friend, and I will treasure you forever. WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN THERE???????? So I wrote him back, and it was one of those letters that you just sit back and read, and its like I can't explain myself any better. I just cant even start to explain it without sounding full of myself. But it ended "if anyone needs to get their thoughts straight it you" Because in the letter he told me that I needed to get my thought straight, ecause my mind was 2 confusing. First of all, he doesn't even know how I think. I dont know, I cant talk right. These keyboards are really small. Plus I have Sean talking every 2 seconds. By the way I am in Irwins room and staying here till 7. I need to go take laps around the school or something, I feel so BLAH. I need a hug...any takers? (Besides Sean) :) Love, ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: The Calling- where ever you will go |
| Wednesday, February 6th, 2002 | |
| 6:12 pm | Go on, go on, leave me breathless today I was in a really bad mood. I didn't want to be at school, I wanted to be left alone. I was annoyed so easily today. I am even annoyed sitting here writing in my journal. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?? I dont mean to be bitchy, its just one of those days. I just want to be held right now. That one negative side of being single, you have no one to give you a hug and tell you everything's going to be ok. Just to hold u for a while. One day Prince Charming will rescue me! :) one day... I dont like to be alone...I always have to have people around me. I want to thank Brian, Irwin, and Elizabeth for putting up with me today... I love you all SO much. I don't think I could make it through the day without one of you. I'm me...and I'm ok Sometimes I am clueless and I'm clumsy, but I got friends that love me and stand by me..and I am so thankful. When I make a mistake and fall flat on my face, and when my heart is broken I will cry those tears knowing that I'm gonna be ok. I'm a loser, I am a winner. ::::I am rosemary's granddaughter, the spitting image of my father, and when the days done I'm still my biggest fan:::: I know they say when you love somebody u should let them go, and if they dont come back again, then its meant to be..... Sometimes I ask my heart if we really gave our love a chance. I dont think we did..and I'm still in love with you.... bye ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: Brooks & Dunn- The Long Goodbye |
| Monday, February 4th, 2002 | |
| 5:48 pm | I'm a good peson...back off Reporter: Brandi how do you feel about getting hurt twice today? Me: Umm...exactly how thats supposed to feel...like SHIT! Today was an ok day...although I felt like worthless crap a lot. And again I ask, why did God put me on this green earth? There has to be a reason...But I must be missing it. I came home and I just chilled alone in my room listening to my CDs. I need to calm down and breathe, and I had to give myself my talk. I had to tell myself, its ok, time will pass and your gonna be fine, why...because your a survivor, your gonna make it, and no matter what people do or say, I know it'll be hard, but just try to brush it off. mmm yummy tacos. I feel really unwanted and unloved right now... :( ~~*Brandi*~~ Current Mood:  distressedCurrent Music: Survivor- Desitny's Child |