Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Psyche's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Monday, February 4th, 2002
10:57 pm	"... and these guys went down the mountain, and it was pretty awesome..." *silence* ^ demonstration of mikes very very pointless stories that leaves everyone in a state of wonder.... today had to have been one of my utmost favorite days so far this year. this has been the first time that i was able to hang out with ALMOST all of my closest friends. it was senior skip day. amazingly enough i was allowed to skip :) jason came and picked me up at 9:45 or so. then we went over to marks house. we met... mark, heather r., heather l., shanda, mike, rory, kelly, brandon, robbie, alan, and justin there. then we all piled into 3 cars and went to hooters. i rode with mark, jason, and mike (who was driving). the car ride was.. pretty darned interesting to say the least :) lunch was fun. kell drooled creamer. the coffee smelled like dirty socks. they guys made a REALLY gross drink. twas good food.. and heh i think i kinda embarassed our waitress. i didnt mean to. we had to sit at 2 tables.. and she was taking drink orders from the other table and rory was taking pictures... and he told me to pose and i said "what, do you want me to show off my boobs???" heh right when she came over to our table. she laughed. the table laughed. it was an akward moment though. :) lots more happened.. but im not gonna go into all the detailed crap. we left there and went ice skating. it was awesome.. there was NO ONE at the rink. just us. rory and kelly came later cause kelly forgot her coat at hooters :) hehe. i semi learned how to skate backwards!!! and i found out that mike, not only is the best person to hit, but is also the best person to hug or squeeze or attack. heh what have you. heh he just has that physical stature. he's not fat... but he's big boned, stalky, and seems to be muscular.. not a hardbody guy... but it works. heh its fun :) umm i got home at 3 or so... our power was out. dad said it was out since 12:30 or something... so i called jill. we talked... power came on at about 4:30... then i left at 5:30 to go get film developed and to get my hair cut. my gawd... i got lost! argh. from walmart to the mall... i got ver lost. but ive gone from that area to the mall sooo many times!! i was just really disoriented today. it sucked. i basically knew where i was the entire time.. but i kept getting in wrong lanes that wouldnt let me go the direction that i needed to go. whatever though.. i made it. i did what i had to do. and now i DONT want to go back to school tomorrow. :-/ im thinking about just skipping the rest of the year. yeah, that would be nice :) Current Mood: happy Current Music: what about what about us? (Comment on this)
Friday, February 1st, 2002
11:56 pm	do i intimidate you? I HAVE THE DEMON NICKLE!!! i lost my key! :-( my dear key to my chain and lock get up. i had it in my back pocket and then i went to a show with kelly.. and when i came home it was GONE. gr. but yeah, i have a spare.... plus the show was awesome. so that makes up for it :) 3 really good groups there. 1)ends with scratch (i think thats what it was.. if not, correct me) 2) my cousin walter... awesome awesome ska/punk band. oo they played some less than jake and they totally rocked my world. 3) stationary death.. aka.. jason and a keyboard. haha he is so incredible. i dont know how he comes up with half the stuff he does, it just blows me away. i want his cd :) i met so many awesome people tonight. and i really really hope ill come across them again sometime! which.. i probably will... at the next show... which is in a few weeks :) alright lets fill some of these gaps in here. lots has happened. last... saturday i believe.. i hung out with brian again. it was actually pretty cool though. no REAL arguments. he came to my door in a 3 piece suit. somewhat outdated... but still hot as ever. he was excited about it cause he got it at good will for $12. everyone in my family kept asking him why he was dressed up... and i guess he was getting a lil annoyed... so i went up to put shoes on and he was like "hey why dont you throw on something nice while you're at it" he said it was a surprise... and that i would find out when we got there. heh weeeell.. we ended up at his apartment. he made me dress up for NO REAL REASON. just to confuse everyone in my house and to tick me off when i found out that i dressed up for nothing. i was a lil perturbed.. but not too bad. he let me borrow a pair of shorts and socks when we got in. all was good. i got to meet his roommate, joe. he's... really cute but.... really.... different. i dont know if he likes me not. he seemed uncomfortable around me. there must be something scary about me. jason seemed a lil bit afraid too. but perhaps thats just the way they are... im not sure. but yeah.. joe ripped on me a bit.. and then left with frank and nate. so bri and i watched a movie and stuff. heh we got to talkin and he said i could live with him cause he has room for 2 in his bed... and he could support me by selling a couple guitars. some how i really dont think that would go over too well. :) but it was a nice offer.. i guess. hey, at least we're not wanting to kill each other anymore... right? umm... ive had a lot of hang out time. jen and i went to anothe swim meet last night. it wasnt nearly as eventful as the last one though. in fact it was so god awful boring i thought i was gonna die. getting there was strange though. first.. we passed the school that it was being held at (or so we thought) so we turned around and went back... drove around the school part way and didnt see any cars.. went to the back of the school and spotted a car or two. then i HAD to point out the awesome playground the had..... so we park the car and get out.. there are no REAL entrance doors cause.. well its the back of a school. and we're walking across the basketball court and jen looks down at this map of the US painted on the court and said "hey, doesnt out elementary school have something just....like... wait." me>"umm... they have like 8 foot tall basketball hoops" jen>"i dont see a football field..." me>"what kind of highschool has a PLAYGROUND????" lol yeah... we were at the WRONG school. we made it to the meet though. stood around a while. then it ended. and we decided to walk beside the pool (where all the swimmers had to sit) to get out rather than going up steps and crap. as we are walking down jim (kid from our team) comes to us in the opposite direction and shakes our hand saying "uh, thanks for coming guys" then another girl from our school shakes our hand... heh the whole swim team shook our hands! turns out we were in the "nice meet, congradulations" hand shake line, and there was a huge line of pine richland kids behind us. oh yeah. we rock :) but yeah, im gettin kinda tired here and i have to wake up before noon tomorrow. we're going to a college open house.. woooo. :) family time. woo boy. :) useless info: a pig orgasms for 30 mins. a cockroach can live w/o a head for 9 days before STARVING to death. you'll lose 150 calories by banging your head off a wall for an hour (ha. try that you fitness freaks) Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: all those good bands in my head :) (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 27th, 2002
11:29 pm	tell them all she wont be back, cause she needed a change everythings messed up now and i dont know exactly what to do about it. it gives me butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat at the same time. i think i was wrong about love again. and i think i always will be wrong about it. but if the person you love isnt supposed to hurt you, then why does it always hurt so bad? perhaps i WAS right about love... perhaps its just a feeling of satisfaction and comfort. perhaps this churning throughout my body is nothing more than grief of what has happened in the past and a longing to retain certain things that ive lost over time. like my sanity.. and faith.... Current Mood: confused Current Music: eating seeds as a past time activity... (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 26th, 2002
1:07 am	*washy tuki-air* yeah thats right. alright lets get all of you caught up in my insane petty little life... im going to have to take you all the way back to LAST wednesday. but first.... i think im in love. honest to goodness, love. no, the guy doesnt know about it. and no, im not going to put the name in here. ive felt this way for a while now. we're not dating. and it doesnt kill me that we arent. i wouldnt mind it. i guess. but why bother with the label when i dont even know if he feels the same way? i could ask him how he feels.. but.. nah... because it really doesnt matter that much to me. him and i are friends. and i just dont know what it is. heh i hear so much smack on him. and i could list flaw after flaw. but for some reason, it kinda humors me.. and i cant help but to feel this way towards him. and if this is love.. then it has taken me completely by surprise because its not the butterflies, and nervousness.. its just comfort, and pure satisfaction. i like it. its... soothing :) anway.. i finally got to catch up with brian. it was pretty cool. he let me drive :):):) kind of a shocker there. the fact that he trusted me more than himself at that time (he hadnt slept for 3 days) so i guess its understandable. but we discussed things. from what he tells me, he was 100% honest with me this time. which, if he was telling the truth, then a lot of things are semi cleared up. buuut.. sometimes its hard for me to trust him. i want to believe him but theres always that inkling of doubt in me now about a few things. i love it when he actually opens up to me. it drives me insane because i KNOW him. he has been honest with me before. he tells me all his little schemes and why he does what he does and his passions and dreams and just where he stands with things.. and i can actually understand where he is coming from. but i just dont know why he has to lie to me like he does sometimes. its not like he has anything to really hide from me anymore. he knows me too well also.. he knows what will push my buttons. he knows about my obsessions with little things (tatoos.... and he got a new one...music.. all that fun stuff) and in a way i think he knows he can torture me with it because he has everything i want. he offered his couch to me.. cause i said i was tired of living at home. and he has reassured me that i can stop into his appartment at anytime.... and he thinks im "interesting". heh whatever. i really did miss the kid. i missed just listening to him, watching him even. he's definitely..... one of those people. lets see.. ive had a few shopping trips. heh my favorite... little girl underwear. its awesome. the have a coordinating bra. i picked up 3 new cd's. waves is going out of business tomorrow. :-( im gonna miss it... i got a new patch for my purse. some little boy undershirts that i could use to print my screen print on. which actually didnt turn out quite as bad as i thought it would. in fact, i kinda like my hello rockview shirt. :) hmm... i havent really been buying much lately cause my budget is plummeting. i could afford new strawberry chapstick though :) its delicious. heh. dan called me. teehee :) but when i called him back.. he was in the bad part of pittsburgh, so he couldnt talk. lol but he called me back 15 mins later. heh that kinda amused me. he still has my cd. but HOPEFULLY ill get it back this weekend. he's supposed to call me again. yeah i guess it would be nice to see him again, but i want the cd more than anything. lol jk. i miss the boy. i love his company. yesterday i went to the swim meet with jen!! plickah! it was awesome. we only have ONE home meet every.. i dont know.. 2 years? ha. we made signs and everything. the print media teacher (who was attending) loved it and took a bunch of pictures of us. the place was PACKED. we had no where to sit so we just stood up at the end with all the swimmers. but that was cool by me cause we got to talk to everyone. ed (our turkish exchange student.. aka "the wild turkey") was there. he is hilarious. every time he speaks he's says something unexpected. about hwo he doesnt mind not being able to see w/o his glasses because then he doesnt have to look at all the ugly girls. lol he has to be one of the most adorable kids i know. and they qualified for WIPIALS!! oh yeah. jen and i are gonna turn into the official team fanclub. :) perhaps mike too.. cause he made one sign for us. and its easier to hold all the signs with 3 people. after the meet i went out with kate for coffee. hehe it was fun times. i dont really talk to her in school because.. well.. its school.. and im normally pretty out of it. so it was good to catch up with her. tonight.. i had to work. which basically sucked. buuut.. this kid that graduated from our school last year came in. wow. thats all im gonna say. ijust wanted to pinch his cheeks! haha. he complimented my.. sandwich. heh. and when he left.. he looked back. oh yeah. AT ME. ha. lol im pathetic. whatever. :) im super tired. a week minus good sleep equals sucky sucky mood. at least when i wake up. Current Mood: listless Current Music: orgy (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 20th, 2002
12:40 am	i can be frosty? what?? Which drink are you? Which drink are you? eh, depends... am i a freak? i need sleep. ill tell about my adventures later. Current Music: im the one, natural one (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 15th, 2002
10:12 pm	bitter towards boys "pure as sin" hoorah. i was always told that pink was my color.. :) today was a semi decent day. im still extreeeeemly bitter though. it should be solved by tomorrow though.. if not solved, then worsened.. just for a bit. i went out with kel-kel. she needed shoes, so we went to the mall. she got the new suicided machines cd. its fockin awesome. im so jealous. heh i need to get it now. ha i forgot to write about how her and i went out with john the other night. :) it was fun. he's such a cute kid and he's super nice. i enjoy his company. heh im all for another round :) my driving that night was absolutely amazing too. i made it from kellys house to eat n park in 20 mins.... it shouldve taken us 45 to an hour. haha. speeding? me? never. ok so today i got more stuff in the mail from ppc. i won 2 scholarships! one for academics... i get $4000 (1000 a year as long as my gpa stays above a 3.0).. and another for community service and leadership.. $2000 (500 a year). how i got that scholarship, ill never know. sure ive gone to nursing homes and stuff every once in a while... but i didnt think it was enough to deserve something. but then my dad starts telling me about how he doesnt even think ill be able to go to school there because we dont have enough money. ??? last year they told me they had enough saved up to cover almost the entire year at some $30,000 school i was looking at (its a 2 year.. dont freak out) and now they dont think they can send me to a 20 thou school for a year?? gah! dad suggests that i go to community college for a year or 2 first. which, i had definitely thought about before... but i WANT OUT OF THIS HOUSE. i dont think i can stand staying here another year. im ready for my independance! or at least some of it. im just wondering where all this money went. it figures though... every time something good happens, and im for once satisfied with how things are going.. something has to come along and screw me over. it blows. im gonna go peirce my lip now. Current Mood: bitter Current Music: metallica (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 13th, 2002
11:53 pm	you taught me to hate im so mad i wanna puke. could be that or the 5 cups of coffee. or just both. Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
11:25 am	i dream in digital..... cause its better than nothing i have been accepted into point park college. plicah baby. ha who knows how long i will attend it though. :) knowing me... ill find every fault about it and change schools within a year. i HOPE thats not whats going to happen...but ya never know. im back down to 2 brothers again. the 2 kids that we were housing were really cool. they didnt talk to much, but when they did they were pretty funny/nice. i liked em. :) i wouldnt mind having them has real brothers. yesterday i went to the mall for like an hour and then to wendys with jill. wendys was kinda akward... we sat down and started eating then this table of 4 guys got up to leave and they all walked past us..... 1st one: (said nothing) 2nd one: "hello ladies" me and jill: (causual responce) 3rd one: "see ya baby" me and jill: (that confused..raised eyebrow and small smirk look) 4th one: (after he walks past) "yeah you can come sit on MY face" me and jill: (the wide eyed disgusted.. i wanna puke.. face) yeah its one thing if these guys were cute. the first 2 werent bad.. but the last two... not only that, but the place had about 15 other people in it.. and the guys gave us their comments quite loudly. heh it was very strange. blah.. nothing exciting.... might be going out with john today. :):) key word... big key word.... MIGHT. and if i go out with john, then i also might see brian. :-/ things WILL get better. ha i got called into work today.. and she said shed call me if they got busy... so im tyin up the phoneline. after im done writing this im gonna make a few phone calls :) Current Mood: hungry Current Music: cause baby there aint no mountain high enough.. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 9th, 2002
3:24 pm	its safe to say that the radio still sucks Take the Online BULLSHIT fucktard tests: sweet lord... what are they suggesting to me?? heh (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 8th, 2002
11:56 pm	snow snow snow snow oops! ok this entry is supposed to be after the next one... i forgot that i couldnt get livejournal to work that one time..... oh well. ugh... im gonna o.d. on alieve. i know it. i hate being sick. and for some reason i just cant shake this cold for the life of me. im sure sitting here in the cold house with wet hair isnt helping.. but still... it sucks. plan of action.. stay up really late so then there will be a delay tomorrow. :-D lets seeeee... friday i went to the mall and eat n park with lil e. i saw frank at the mall... and brians roommate. :-/ he's cute, but.. eh. im judging him harshly. i dont know why, but i am. anyway... erica bought a monkey from spencers in memory of joe. i think im over it. but its still sad. yesterday i worked. got off early though. :) i got to go visit my zachary! woo! haha it was so fun. all we did was go to kings, but it doesnt matter, i just love hanging out with that kid. it was great.. all the old people were at kings and it was just this big thing about zack and his hair. one guy came over to tell him that he had one back in his day for 2 years. lol i loved it. then we went back to his house so he could get ready for work.. i sat in his living room or whatever with these 2 kids who were playing autotheft 2 or something. lol that is one heck of a violent game. beating old men in the streets? ooohh i dont think so. heh. then i took him to work and... i was sad. but not too sad cause it all ended on a good thing. :) he told me that i put him in a really good mood that day, and im glad. he deserves to be in a good mood. he's a downright awesome kid and i positively adore him. after i got home.. i talked to jess online.. and then she came over. :) i dyed her hair.. pink of course. and then we went to eat n park. heh it was some good times. clint and robbie were there.. so we went and sat with them for a while. heh offended quite a few people there, but thats aokay. saw bri's roommate there... again. :-/ oh well. robbie and i discussed our ADD. haha we're terrible. and then we all discussed the fact that robbie has not made out with his gf yet. and we made fun of him. because thast what friends are for. :) heh. i think its fine though, he's only been dating her for a week or so now. and he didnt know her for all that long before. sooo whatever. :) he said he would bribe her. haha i had a good time. today i worked. ha got off really early cause we were super super slow. came home and did my homework. i have to read "brave new world" for english. i swear, this book is insane. i just cant follow it the whole way through. i lose interest. its all about sex and i dont know.. queer, queer stuff..... the "orgy porgy". yeah. strange. slapping their buttox and chanting..... "orgy porgy, ford is fun" i dont know. something like that. whatever. i have to read it. theres no way out of it. and now im sleepy so im gonna go to bed. :-D Current Mood: sick Current Music: ..... (Comment on this)
11:12 pm	ADD child...... :-/ everything is so f'n screwed up. grr.. some people.. or rather some PERSON needs to straighten out. figure out whats going on and just lay it down. i thank GOD for those people who have listened to me and talked to me and made me smile..... i dont know what i would do without them. they hold me together when i start to break at my seams. on another note..still depressing... but something different nonetheless. the great founder of wendy's, dave thomas, passed away today. i nearly cried when i heard the news! ha its pretty sad when i can see two buildings crashing to the ground and having thousands dead and just kind of flinch at it, but when i hear that the almighty dave thomas is dead im moved to tears. we can see who has their priorities straight.......... Current Mood: sad Current Music: we will meet again in another time (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
3:19 pm	*oh brother brother brother, theres far too many of you dying* you'll all be missed.... what the hell is going on here??? im sorry but im just really tired of all this. 5 people are dead, 6 if you want to include my aunt hilda, brian is worse than a mother of a roller coaster that seems to go on forever and makes you wanna puke, and well, i feel like CRAP. throat hurts, nose is runny, killer cough. its just not cool. so yeah, my aunt hilda died yesterday. it was expected though.. she was really sick and really old. while on the phone with jared yesterday he told me about how he was over at his friends house when his friend got a call from HIS friend saying that this kid at his party had just blown his head off with a gun. apparently he shot it at the wall and nothing happened, so he shot it as his head and nothing happened, so figuring it was completely empty, he shot it at his head again. bad move. it worked that time. so that was creepy. and then there was a wreck involving 4 guys from slippery rock. im not sure if i wrote about him or not, but i met this kid named joe at spencers. he worked there. very adorable, and he told me that he would buy me one of the monkeys. lil e had a bit of a crush on him and had gone out with him to this club a couple times. 2 nights ago he was in a wreck with 3 of his friends and all 4 of them died. it doesnt even seem real anymore. this day had been slowly progessing down hill. then i come home to an email from brian. yeah. i have been soooo ready to drop him. i dont know what his problem is. he's fine sometimes, other times (like the last eat n park experience) he's an absolute jerk. so he sends me an email APOLOGIZING. oh i just about kicked the computer. this was not the day to try to get on my good side. he has put me through absolute hell. if he wants things back to bearable he's gonna have A LOT of explaining and even more sucking up because im not gonna deal with any crap right now. i cant. ive reached my very last limb. true, there are a lot of people that hold me together. i think they know who they are. they always give me a reason to smile at something. bri said he would call me next week sometime.. i dont know how ill react to that. ill either a) flip out at him and tell him EXACTLY what i think or b) break down and cry cause its just wearing me out. i just dont know. on a bit of a better note.. john picante (hottie boy) said that hed like to try to get together with me sometime. which is cool i guess. ive wanted to see him ever since the FIRST time saw him.. which was... over a year ago. i think he might have just broken up with his gf of 2 years though.. and thats the reason he wants to see me. who knows. ill just make the best of it. but yeah, i have a lot of stuff to do tonight, so im gonna get crackin on it. whoa. a hawk just ran into my window. heh.. not the normal little cardinal... this was a biggun... Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: ... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
11:09 pm	how do you do it? i just have to love you :) ha. today proved interesting. :) it was the first day back to school. im sooo not into it. i know im not gonna get back into the swing of things. but yeah... kelly came home with me after school cause we were gonna go up to visit zack. buuuut... zack wasnt home. so we dyed kellys hair pink.. and the tub.. and the toilet seat.ha. itll was off :) then jared called to tell me that zack was online and wanted to talk to me. my brother was using it so i talked to zack through jared. heh... he had practice at 6.. which was no good cause kel was keeling over from hunger in my room, i had no idea how to get to the kids house, and she had to be home by 8:30 or something. sooo i talked to jared for a while longer. then kelly and i went to eat n park for dinner. after we ate, i took her home... she gave me some really easy directions for me to get home.. go over the bridge and take the first left. follow that road and you'll come to route 8 and you're on your way home. but no, i couldnt do it. i must have missed that turn cause i drove FOREVER. i finally turned around. drove aaaaall the way back until i came to a sign for a restraunt i knew of.. i followed that.. got myself into the gayest housing plan ever. there were SO MANY ROADS. good lord. i couldnt find my way out!! i made like 8 different circles and i was running out of gas! gah. no phone, alone, lost, its dark, no where to stop, no gas. all a very bad combo. but i finally found my way to route 8 and i was good to go :) ahh... then i dyed a lil piece of my hair pink. so fun :) now its sleepy time. night ps. i love all of you!! :-D yes, ALL of you. Current Mood: groggy Current Music: foo fighters (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 1st, 2002
4:00 am	**stuckon the shore, give me one last chance to try some more** its 4am.. january first.. 2002. night was fun :) these past few days have been interesting as well. i dont remember if i wrote about it or not... but i got to visit kelly. it was fun. :) she taught me how to play an E and a D on guitar! then we played pool.. and listened to some things that she had recorded. umm the next day i worked.. got off early and went to some family thing. it was nuts. heh lots of drunk people. who knew. then i went out with kate to eat n park for 4 coffee's and 21 sugars. :) it was really fun. we caught up on our lives. then my fave person showed... :-/ yes brian. i went to say hi to him.. sat down next to him.. and he basically ignored me. then he looked over and said "oh.. um, hi.... isnt it past your bed time?" couldve kicked him :) i asked him what his problem was and he said that he was sick.. i told him i hoped he felt better.. he said he didnt.. so i said i hoped he died. heh. not really, but i thought about it. no good. but then kate and i went to walmart.. and i bought some stuff for my hair and nail polish. we got back home in an amazing 15 mins. umm the next day i went to the mall with jill. bought some hair dye (brown and some "hot hot pink") a bracelete, earrings, less than jake cd :-D(pezcore for those wondering), and.... a cherry pin and some really stupid gem things. i just wanted the stuff used to put them on.. but it doesnt even work. sooo whatever. then after we got home clint came over.. and i gave him his gift. i told him i wanted to dye my hair.. so he said he would do his too. we went to his moms house and his moms friend bleached his hair for him. while we were there steve came. heh i like his hair bleached. he reminds me of a rock star. then steve and i came here while clint went to eat n park to get bubba jeff and robbie. we dyed my hair here.. just the brown :) im still getting used to it. i feel so... dark. but then clint and jeff came over. and the three of them stayed until 2 or so. it was nice to see jeff again. i hadnt seen him for... heh a loooong time. i didnt go to bed until about 5. today i got up at noon.. and jill and i went out to lunch with jared and billy. haha it was great. billys wet crotch and jareds ranch. heh those boys are crazy. then we went to jareds cause he FORGOT MY HAT THERE. we stood outside for a while... i got thrown in the snow. we were all pretty cold :) but yeah, thats what cold weather will do to ya. after we left them, we went to wendys to get a frosty and my zachary was there :-D hehe all cute in his wendys attire. i gotta see that kid some time. we're due. then for new years i went over to jills. we watched a movie.. dyed her sisters and her sisters friends hair. then her and i stayed up and watched "the other veiw" haha its interesting. there was a lady doing face excersizes on it. i came home at about 3:30... and now its 5:30 so i think im gonna get some sleep :) night Current Mood: horny Current Music: jonny quest thinks we're sellouts (Comment on this)
Friday, December 28th, 2001
1:07 am	*i am super, thanks for asking!* :) ok so who is happy that i actually update this thing frequently now? lets see lets see... christmas was cool i guess. i got most of the things i wanted/needed. did the family thing.. blah blah blah.. you know how it goes. christmas eve was just as exciting. :) went to midnight mass.. which was moved up to 9:00 this year.. ha we had music playing in church. haha it was amazing. not only was it music.. but it was a recording! lol now you have to understand something.. our church had never had any type of musical instrument played in it until last year when my brother played his viola for christmas.. so yeah.. we're all standing there and this music starts to play.. one of the decons walks up to the mic and bursts out in song while i burst out laughing. i couldnt help it!! my goodness! this is a very old and traditional catholic church and we have some guy up there singing along with some music that kinda sounded like "did you ever know that you're my hero".. he even had back up singers on the tape! then we had this lil boy walking down the aile with a baby Jesus.. and his dad was standing by the alter (he was another deacon) crying. i guess it was a very emotional thing for him. heh i had tears in my eyes from holding back laughter though. then during the sermon... the guy said "and God looked down and said 'oh my God, my people, i just want you to love me" later my aunt brought up the point that... God cant say "oh my god" he'd have to say "oh my me". oh what a family i have.. lets see.. yesterday, which was wednesday... i went to the mall. while in waves i got called a *cough* POSER *cough* heh gay punk kids (sorry, not all... just them) i turned around and asked them if that was directed towards me. and the one was like "what? i didnt say anything... but.. let me see your shoes" they were my flame shoes and i showed him them and he asked where i got them.. and the other kid looked at him and was like "ha, probably hot topic.." and i looked at him and said "no, actually my dad bought these for me 3 f'n christmases ago. BEFORE anyone else wanted a pair" then the other kid asked why i had safety pins on my purse (holding my 2 patches on) and i asked him "why do you have zippers on your pants?" and he said "umm because i wanted them there?" and i said "ok, well.. i suck at sewing, and i dont have time for it." heh then i just said a few more things and walked away. gay gay gay gay. then after i got home, i went and met jared up at kings. :) good times. i missed that kid. he has my hat though.. and i want it back. along with my cd that dan still has! heh anyway.. today i went ice skating at ppg plaza with my family.... blah. then we went out for chinese afterwards. i ate a piece of frog leg. and yes, they really do taste just like chicken. ok right now im in a debae w/ cory so im gonna go. laters :) Current Mood: pleased Current Music: adema (Comment on this)
Monday, December 24th, 2001
12:01 am	no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter what im always right here behind you. alright, so last night wasnt much to brag about. at all. in fact i would like to call it a "shoot my in the forehead" night. i did nothing all day... got called into work at 5. called brian cause he said he was gonna call me... but he didnt answer. worked until 7 or so. came home. steve and dan had called. called dan, he didnt answer (he was too far underground, heh). called steve, he invited me to a movie. figured that was fine. called brian again to tell him what was going on. he didnt answer. called steve, finalized plans... then brian called. no, he didnt want to go to the movie. why? just because. so i finally agreed to go back to his apartment with him. ive really missed the kid and i wanted to talk to him and get caught up and to see what his living conditions were like now. so he picks me up at the theater. go back to his car.. his friend nate is there. something i wasnt expecting but that was fine. nate was/is a really nice guy. very friendly. i enjoyed him. then brian tells me that we're going to pick up sarah. another ex girlfriend. VERY unexpected. if i knew that it was going to be like that then i probably wouldnt have come. her and nate were spending the night. i was very out of place. we got back to his place. him and sara were all flirty and gross and i started to get slightly peeved. we decided to watch a movie. on the couch it sat me, nate, sarah, and brian. i couldnt see him, nor did i want to. i KNOW she was all over him because she was before when i could see him. movie was done. i was really bored. it was time for me to go home. brian beat me up a bit and asked them if they were just gonna stay there cause he was only gonna be gone for an hour or so. nate said he would.. but sarah had to come. when i found out she was coming i just wanted to DRAG nate out with us. i did NOT want to be in that car with just the two of them. but i was. AND in the backseat. oh i think he could tell i was somewhat upset. but he probably had no clue why. i was just sick of the flirting thing. it was grossing me out. its one thing if they were dating. but they arent. in fact, he kissed me while him and her were dating last year. yeah. thats right. so what if it was new years? i heard all his smack about her and i knew about a week before that he was going to break up with her. but no, they had to be all gross. i think it was more her than him though sometimes. example... he flicks her knee, she grabs his hand he pulls back but her hand follows, landing on his lap, moving somewhat towards the center. im not sure what happened past that cause well i was too busy smacking my head off the window thinking "oh my God just get me out of this car.." yeah that down right p'ed me off. big time :) so we got back to my house... sarah let me out. brian, being the kind soul that he is, said that he would "even give me a hug". oh yay! :-/ dont get me wrong. i love the kid dearly, but i really wasnt up for anything other than a gun. so he hugged me. it was a fairly long hug. i kinda just stood there and put almost one arm around him. and sarah sat with her door open to watch us like a babysitter. :) how thoughtful of her. so i told him that he owed me another night cause that night didnt count. and he, yeah i know, asked WHY? i told him the truth, it just didnt. so he said "well you have my number" yeah i do, but will you ever pick up your hellbound phone? doubt it. bitter? yeah a little. it should pass though. and if it doesnt, what does it matter? things between him and i wont change. on a better note. i got to see my dan jack tonight. :-D heh i adore that kid. he made my night last night by writing me an email appologizing for not answering my call. i thought it was very kind. i really wasnt too bothered by it, but he had the heart to still apologize. i loved it. so i went over to visit him tonight. :) it was very nice. heh he's so cute with his glasses on. lol im so f'n sappy gay. i cant help it though! i cant think of anything that i absolutely cant stand about him. if he knows im right, he admits it! no arguments! well just little stupid ones. but those are just fun. he's so buff too. heh muscular. i like it. :) he stole my cd though. :-/ may he burn in.. purgatory.. for a little bit. heh, cant send the boy to hell. just cant. we watched an educational program on midgets. then coincidentally... watched "honey, i shrunk ourselves". well.. we KINDA watched it. too much jibba jabberin from us. but thats ok. hes a super sweet kid. i enjoy jibba jabberin with him. :) but now im super super tired. so im gonna go to bed.. and SLEEP IN!! :-D i hope everyone has a lovely holiday. goodnight :) oh yeah... and if anyone reads this and is insulted, offended, upset at things i said, or just taking things the complete wrong way, i appologize. this is just what was on my mind. everyone is entitled to a little anger now and then. but now im REALLY off to bed. goodnight Current Mood: happy Current Music: ourladypeace (thanks mike!!) (Comment on this)
Friday, December 21st, 2001
3:37 pm	have a little faith in me alright. so i got this gift today. its a book called "He Saved You". i got it with a letter from a friend saying that she wanted to share the gift of God with me. everyone got the same book, and the same note... i thought it was very kind. and i like the idea... but it was awkward. it was like she was saying "im going to teach you about God because you need to know about him" but i already do know about him. that would be the reason as to why i can say that im a christian. because i believe in God and have accepted the overall principal of it. sometimes i feel so strange though. she had invited everyone to attend "aquire the fire" which is some christian youth gathering where they sing and pray and preach about God and how wonderful he is. i know its probably a good experience and all... for them... but thats just not me. i grew up in a Catholic family. typical catholic family. singing, dancing, group prayers, preaching (something other than mass), and literally crying to God rarely happen. and there isnt anything wrong with that. sure, when the pope is around there is a HUGE group of people. and yes, they do all pray together. and they DO sing. the songs arent anything like "this little light of mine" though. these songs are very traditional... sometimes/normally, sung in another language. those who are catholic.. or have attended more than one mass should be able to relate to what im saying. i am a christian, but im not like you. im just tired of being misunderstood. a lot of my friends think that i just dont KNOW about God simply because i dont do what they do. i have different customs. example: communion and confession. to a catholic communion is taking in the blood and body of Christ. confession is basically cleaning your slate. i cant stand it when people say that im wrong for practicing or believing in either of the two. its not their choice. and its not their place to tell me if its right or wrong. i thought we were all christians? so what does it matter? it shouldnt. but some people, rather than listening and understanding, stand up against it. and tell one of their own "brothers or sisters in christ" that they are wrong. in my mind, that is not a christian way. ugh. i just dont like it when people try to change me. this is how i was raised. if you're a "true" christian, then im sure that if someone came up to you and told you you were wrong in your faith and that you should convert to musslem you would probably think that he or she was crazy. cause in your mind, YOU are right. they cant change you. you cant change them. sure there are occations. and if you get em while they are young its easy because they are still soft. i dont know. im out of my lil tangent now...... so. um. have a nice christmas :) Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: jimmy eat world (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 19th, 2001
3:18 pm	so yappy snappy HAPPY oh my lord, i havent updated this thing for the longest time. waaaaay too much has happened for me to recap it all. ugh... thanksgiving... lots of people here, lil e came over, tori and i went bowling with zack, tori puked. a lot. senior pictures.. i got em, ive ordered them too. they werent TOO bad, but they arent the greatest. i absolutely hated the one that everyone liked, but i got it anyway. went to new york. that was probably one of the most awesome experiences ive ever had. the first night kinda sucked cause it was rainy and cold and we had to walk everywhere... but then i saw blue man and it was all good :) our bus driver was a bit psychotic, but im still alive, so i guess he wasnt that bad. umm i got to ice skate at rockefeller center. viewed 5th avenue and times square... and saw the remains of the world trade center. i never thought that it would be like that. i know i had been all for the whole "get over it, its done now" deal... but when you see it you cant help but get misty eyed. the memorial was sad... and to see part of the building still standing was horrible. but theres nothing that can be done now. hmm... another high point, i hailed a taxi! our driver was really nice. he didnt talk much at first, but we got him talking. he said he drove catherine zeta jones once :) heh just a lil fyi. i cant think of much more to say about that. it seems so long ago. moving right along weezer ran away. :-( breaks my little heart. but ill survive. christmas is in 6 days. i think i have all my shopping done. i need to buy some more cards though so im going to the mall tonight. ummm.... 1.5 days of school!! :-D going out to lunch on friday. i hope. ooo i cant wait cant wait cant wait. i have giddy chills again. :-D calvin got an interview at subway. heh, i hope he gets the job. dan just got a job at ups. he doesnt get cool socks though, so i really dont think its worth it. but i still think he's a super fly ups guy. :-D cory is my experimental boyfriend. eventhough i dont see him. rarely talk to him. and disagree with him frequently. i adore him greatly though! heh. uhh... jared is really funny when he wakes up. i gave him 2 wake up calls over the weekend. i love the groggy voice. it is so sexy. ;-) haha. on saturday jill bubba clint and i totally funked up robbies date. ha it was fun. i dont wanna explain it all though. then we went back to clints moms house cause he needed to go to the bathroom... then bubba went in the house too.. and they locked us out. so i told them that we were walking home. it was about 11:00 and home was about a 10 minute drive. we walked about a quarter of a mile or a half a mile to this gas station.. which was closing. then we saw them drive by... they didnt see us there. so we tried to call their cells.. but cellphones block collect calls. we didnt have enough change to make a REAL call either. fortunately some girls stopped to ask us where they were.. and they gave us an extra quarter to make our call. god bless them. :-D we got back home.. and clint stayed here to watch mallrats with me. that was about it. and now i really have to pee, and i need some food. :) thanks for listening!! oh yeah!! and while at walmart with jill... i found this incredibly amazing kid. he had more peircings in his face than me and 3 of my friends put together. even the back of his neck was pierced. hehe. and he talked to me! woo! haha :) Current Mood: crazy Current Music: i wanted to be just like you, so perfect so untouchable (Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2001
3:25 pm	"ill give you $5 to throw me down the stairs" well well well.. i havent updated this thing in about forever. lets see... whats happened..? halloween happened. i worked that day.... dressed up as a PIXY. jen slept over the night before. heh we're amazing. :) pumkin carving at the old peoples home happened.. there was a total of... what? 5 of us? yeah and like 30 pumpkins. ive never carved so many in my entire freakin life. the one lady at my table wouldnt let me carve hers... she said she was going to take it home and make a pie. how she planned on doing that... i dont know. but i let her be. umm.. jill and i went for chinese. that was some good stuff. even thought some of the food was REALLY GROSS. uhh.. i went to half a football game a couple fridays ago. after that i went out to kings with brian... we saw the jakester and michelle there. i love those kids :-D brian and i had a "talk". which at first, seemed to clear some things up... but now im just as confused as i was before. yeah, he says he knows the truth about me, but im not ready to hear it yet. ????? of all people who should be ready to hear something about ME....i think it would most definitely be MYSELF!! doesnt that make sense? he could just be saying that to make me mad though. who knows. umm i got my senior pictures taken. heh that was fun. we took some outside pictures.. and the wind was blowing. ooooh yeah. it was beautiful. my hair was literally EVERYWHERE. cant wait to see how those turned out. after i got my pictuers done, jill and i went to see "riding in cars with boys". in all honesty, that was probably one of the best movies ive seen. it was very realistic. and although it had some serious themes in it... it was hilarious. i was in tears half the time from laughing. it was awesome. :) then we went to eat n park where we saw bubba and courtney and robbie and bill. bill still kinda creeps me out. he's 19 with a genuine mullet. AND mustache to go with it. AND tight pants. AND tight white tshirt. AND he thinks i have the hots for him because i was "staring" at him. its kinda hard not to look at some one when they are right in your line of vision. and when he threw paper at me? what did expect me to do, other than look at him? aiy. i dont know either. i guess one of the newest things here is our cat. yes. we have another. her name is weezer. shes orange stripped and looks exactly like daisy, only she has brown eyes.. and she WAS skinnier. but today she came in... and it looks to me like she grew a little belly. im kinda getting the feeling that she may be pregnant... not a good thing. shes a good cat though. really friendly. she has a cold.. thats why we called her weezer.. cause her nose was really sniffly when we found her. and her one eye is all screwed up from it. but we got her some medicine and shes getting better. i think thats about it. nothing really happned yesterday except work. i was gonna call a certain someone... but just didnt work up enough energy to do it. oo! i got a black light and black light reactant beaded strands for my room. fun fun stuff. :) reminds me of good times... hehehehe. ;-) but im gonna get going now.. i need to work on the dance project for theater arts. bubye Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: psycho-groupie-cocaine-crazy! (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 20th, 2001
2:25 am	just for shizzles and giggles. well well well...im back on at my usual AM time. im seriously going to go to bed soon though. im just really awake right now. i couldnt tell ya why. jill and i bought some no-doz today. that ALMOST woke me up. rather than making me all bouncy n shtuff, my stomach just felt a lil nervous and my eyes were reeeeaaally open. the jakster and michelle came to see me at work today. im really kinda tired of work. my weekends are totally shot due to it. i worked 4-10 tonight.. and tomorrow i work 3-10. both the nights that i can actually stay out late.. and where am i?? subway. but i get next weekend off.. cause the manager loves me cause i am one of his only 2 GOOD WORKERS. dont ask how i got that title cause i truthfully dont know. waiting waiting waiting. i hate waiting... waiting for people to talk to me.... cause no one worth my time is on. woo! found someone! God loves me. :) hmm... i wonder if he wants to fix my ear now! :-D i have a stupid infection in my 4th hole in my left ear. at least i THINK its infected. its kinda purple, so i figured that was a good enough clue that SOMETHING is wrong. gar.. entertainment left. well this just leaves you and i. so i guess now is as good a time as any.... i love you. i love you for taking time out of your precious day to read my journal. thank you :) its greatly appreciated.. heh, yeah i know its lame but im dyin here! hm. i think i might go run off to my room and draw a picture. heh heh heh... sounds like a plan to me. bye bye :) Current Mood: creative Current Music: varuca salt (Comment on this)