The Wayback Machine - http://web.archive.org/web/20040611033243/http://www.livejournal.com:80/users/taintedangel/
Tainted Angel's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Tainted Angel

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 Aug 2003|08:39am]
[ mood | blank ]

This journal is now closed.

[15 Aug 2003|08:05am]
[ mood | stressed ]

I had a dream last night about work and the frustrations within.

About hermit crabs getting everywhere and having a lot of customers in the store when it was closing time. About Katie (this girl I work with) who refused to put the gate down even though the mall was closing because customers were in the store. About this lady who wanted a giant hermit crab for her child, then she decided to get 10 because her kid liked them so much. The store was full of people, Katie wouldn't close the gate, (which she actually has neglected to do irl), and people were getting angry and snippy because they were not getting helped. I tried to close the gate to keep all the people from coming in but Katie stopped me even though we were supposed to have closed the store 25 minutes ago.

I woke up feeling stressed.

Peter and I are supposed to work tonight but Peter is pretty sick and unsure if he will be going in at all. Katie will be taking his place tonight and closing for him.

On the positive side of things, my real nightmares have stopped. (Thanks to sigils.)

I may not post for a bit.

1 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

[13 Aug 2003|09:37am]
[ mood | pleased ]

I won an "argument" with Peter last night with quantum physics.
He was shocked and a bit impressed.
It made me feel pretty damn good about myself.

* Give Me Wings.

Eye-candy of a different flavor [12 Aug 2003|03:15pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Usually I post eye-candy of half-nude women and such but for a change of pace I thought I would bring your attention to the art of Camille Rose Garcia.


Those who have never heard of her, your are now enlightend.

Also Mark Ryden has new work as well. A collection of miniature paintings called "Blood". Same great surreal flavor with children and small animals but spiced crimson. As you will see from the link, he will be showing his work in New York from Sept.18-Oct.18.



In other news, I got a hell of a lot done today in terms of cleaning. I still have a lot to do, but I feel quite good about myself in what i have already finished. Hence the reason for goofing off for a few moments to bring you remarkable art! :)

* Give Me Wings.

[12 Aug 2003|09:43am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

Well...
Next week is possibly my last week. 99% sure on that. And though I wish I could stay (well.. maybe not), I know that Chuck has been looking for a reason to get rid of me since the day I started. Guess I am not "teeny-bopper" enough to work in that pathetic little gift shop. Oh well... I wont miss it too much. Besides, whoever the buyers are for that store... their taste in home decor is getting worse and worse. Every time I come in we get something els that brings the word "tacky" down to a whole new level. Not to mention my patience with the customers who come in there, (most of which do not speak english and have disrespectful, uncontrollable offspring), is wearing very thin. Their little brats run around yelling, breaking things, messing with the crabs (yes I secretly hope every day for one of those spiteful hellions to get pinched) and literally destroying the beaded curtains we have on display. Personally, I think we should have a "You Break, You Buy" policy and should they refuse, security would be called and they would be escorted out of the mall, firmly telling them that if they can't keep their kids under control, they are not allowed in the stores. But they wont... because they dont care.. So next week being my last... neither do I. I don't get paid enough to babysit the little brats that come in, so the hell with it.

Then i think about some of the people who ask for applications... and how i am tempted to do them a favor and tell them why they would not want to work there. But I don't.

Well... time for me to play house-wife for a bit. Turn up the music and pretend the rest of the un-civilized civilization does not exist.

* Give Me Wings.

[11 Aug 2003|01:27pm]
[ mood | loved ]

What Peter and I have together is perfect.
Simple, yet complex...
Absolute love.

We got in a small tiff the other day. (If you could even call it that.) By the end of the five to ten minutes that passed, we were laying on the living-room floor cuddling, kissing, and laughing. Then we went out to lunch at IHOP.

To me, he is my perfection. Flawless. Intelligent. Charming. Honest and trust worthy... and so much more. Simply put: He means everything to me. Being with him has made me feel whole again.

* Give Me Wings.

[08 Aug 2003|09:40am]
[ mood | fed up with the bullshit ]

I really dislike people who are two-faced.
That is all.

* Give Me Wings.

[07 Aug 2003|08:11pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

All right.
I have to state that I am beginning to get a tad peeved.
People who know me know that I am not much of a talker. I listen, observe, and then if on rare occasion that I have the desire to speak, I do so.

In other words... it comes down to this.

If I have something to say then I will say it. I have no desire to babble on with mindless dribble (or quite possibly lies) just because people wish I would speak more. Chances are.. if I were to speak what was on my mind more often, people wouldn't like to hear it anyway. In the end it would make them uncomfortable as well depending on said subject.

Take for instance, a most recent event. I got to visit my son last Friday. (Due to my week in that hell-hole I didn't really get around to posting about it.) Peter joined me and met my son as well as his adoptive family and also did the majority of the talking... which was fine with me. However, in an effort to make me talk more (I am assuming), the mother asked me what religion I follow. Now keep in mind that this family that I had given my child to is of Christian beliefs. How do you think that they would react if I had answered that in truth I was studying the vodoun religion and I was considerably drawn to a certain loa? Not well as I am sure you could imagine. The result would undoubtedly be me unable to see my child for more then an hour a day twice a year because their over-active imaginations, combined with little to no knowledge on the subject, would have them envisioning me scantily clad conducting rituals by candlelight whilst drinking the blood of a freshly killed black rooster..

So instead I said that I was of no certain religion and they in turn asked me what I was brought up as.. in which case I could honestly reply "Christian". That seemed to suffice and they and my new husband went on to talk about other things.

I don't talk much. Not for fear of being reprimanded in some way or another, but because people today are quite often too close-minded to actually listen to a person. They draw their own conclusions based on biased beliefs.

Peter's parents wish I would be more out-spoken. I have nothing of any importance to say. Nothing that they can relate to in any fashion... Their family is close-knit. Mine is not. They can have open conversations with each other about nearly any given topic. I wasn't brought up that way. In my family.. almost anything even slightly out of the ordinary is taboo. Be it anything to do with sex to religious beliefs, to have a truly open conversation about either of those subjects was unheard of. Their determination to make me realize everything that was bad has in turn pushed me to do my own studies and make my own decisions. (Because surprise, surprise, I do indeed have a mind of my own.) But reguardless of this, I have continuously found myself censoring my journal entries, either making the posts F.O. or not posting at all because I know they have access to reading it. They may even follow it closely... I don't know. Nor do I care.

But I digress....
I attempt to appease them (his parents) once in awhile with witty comments (usually to my poor husbands expense) and they chuckle/snicker, but its not good enough. I am not gifted in the art of conversation with people that I do not know very well. Especially in-laws. I have always been a quiet person. Anyone who has known me for any period of time knows that I am not one to ramble on... (Except in the case of this entry which will be ending momentarily)

I don't like to talk. I don't like to be studied. (which I know for a fact his mother does because I have caught her at it.) I don't like having my thoughts and/or feelings being dissected like some bug under a microscope. I don't like being forced into conversation. And chances are... the more a person pushes... the more I will withdraw, no matter how good the intentions are.

Why can't people just understand that and let me alone? Why must they insist on changing the person I am? J wanted to change me. He wanted me to wear lighter colors. Be out in the sun. Talk more. Be more outgoing. That and other things caused major rifts between us. Sometimes I think its a wonder we still speak to each other.

Ok... I am done with this rant for the moment..
I'm just a bit frustrated with the whole "I wish you would talk more" thing.

2 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

[07 Aug 2003|02:49pm]
Since msn sucks so much ass, I have went back to my old hotmail address. So same name... just back to the old location

Moral of this story: Never attempt to fix that which is not broken.
* Give Me Wings.

[07 Aug 2003|09:15am]
[ mood | awake ]

Its been a long time since I posted a silly little quiz.

So here is one.
It suits me.
I am pleased.

Aww.... My little baby is all grown up. Mature and looking beautiful as ever. I'm so proud... ~sniffle~ )

1 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

Ahh the memories!! [03 Aug 2003|11:56am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Hmmm....
Where to start...

Our Honeymoon )

13 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

oh.... [26 Jul 2003|04:45pm]
[ mood | nervous ]
[ music | Peter making mocking laughter ]

Tainted forgot to mention....
Tainted has developed a fear of flying in the past 6 years.
Tainted used to love to fly.
Ecamer may have to bring a slightly inebriated Tainted onto the plane.
However, Tainted will Not be drunk at the alter!

2 hour layover in Px. Flight departs 11:46 am tomorrow morning.
Hopefully at this time tomorrow Ecamer and Tainted will be safely within their suite flipping through the phone book in search of a wedding chapel.

2 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

[26 Jul 2003|12:14pm]
Last two days of single life.
I will no longer have to kiss 'frogs'.
No more searching for the perfect mate.
No more hoping to meet someone worth my time.
Just growing old with the person who is perfect for me.
Sharing in our hate for 95% of all mankind.
How sweet.

Perhaps I will get lucky and win a decent amount of money in Vegas.
3 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

[20 Jul 2003|10:15pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | a/c ]

Sometimes I feel like I am dreaming.
So many good things have happened, so many good things are still in the process of happening and yet I can not help but wonder when my seemingly happy little world is going to crash all around me.

I spoke with Stephanie about me getting to see my son (as in all agreements that have been signed) and told her of the apparrent uncooperation of his adoptive family. She is working on it so I can spend time with him. It's supposed to be set up where his adoptive family and I keep in touch and contact one another quite frequently so I am able to visit. Its a signed and noterized agreement between the both of us. But as of late they have been.. well.. basically ignoring me and acting as if I no longer even exist. And while I understand that they are busy people; you would think that they would be nice enough to at least respond to an email I send them. but no.. they call Steph and she emails me what they tell her. They don't even bother to contact me at all. And it really pisses me off. Then when I talk to Steph., she tells me that the adoptive family and I should speak one on one because she has other cases she needs to take care of and all I can do is tell her that I have tried... but they don't seem at all interested. But she said she would speak with them and hopefully we can resolve this issue. ~sigh~ They will be going to court nest week to legally change his first name... I could go into how that makes me feel right now, but I will refrain.

In other news, yesterday my love who rarely posts anymore these days" and I went to Fiesta Mall and Mills Mall. Whe found my wedding dress which is black (sorry G) with a black lace overlay and very pretty. We also got me a white school girl shirt with a black pvc tie to go with my skully buckle skirt, (He really likes it.) as well as an Emily the Strange t-shirt that says URA Creep. All were on sale.. all were really nifty. We also got the rings (silver), a 14mm smokey quartz sphere, a $200 full-sized key board with lots of extra features (including being able to create midis on the computer, 100 piano tones, 100 drum tones, 100 songs you can learn, lighted keys for the learning process and such) for $53, and we went to IMAX and seen Matrix Reloaded which was really cool. We basically spent the whole day goofing off. Its was nice.

Met his family today. They weren't too scary. Got lots of towels from his sister and sexy underthings from his mom. Heh...

Well.. we leave in a week to get married. At this time next week we will be in Las Vegas. I am sooo excited. And soo happy. And I love him sooo much. I finally feel as though I have found my soul-mate.

4 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

So on and so forth.... [16 Jul 2003|12:31pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | Trust Co. - Deeper into You ]

I removed some peeps from my friends list for the simple fact that A.) We have lost touch and our friendships have faded or B.) I feel as though I have nothing in common with them. No hard feelings.. life goes on. I wish the best for you and I will continue peeking in on some of you every once in awhile. Besides.. when my account expires I will be closing my journal as well. All friends on my friends list will be removed and so will the comment features. You can keep me on your friends lists should you choose to do so but I will not be adding anyone back. At least that is my decision as of yet.... My account wont expire for another two years or so, so I may change my mind before then. Who knows? I'm a Libra so it is very likely.

Not much is happening lately. {well, other then going to Vegas in two weeks! YAY!!}

I have decided that MSN is a horrid isp and that by the time we actually have to pay for this crappy service I will have bought Peter a "better" computer that's faster and has more RAM as well as an ethernet card and I will upgrade him to a cable modem. (G pampered me with faster connection while I was there, what can I say?)

I got Peter a new pet. A Venus Fly Trap. He is absolutely giddy that the moths in our house have met their doom and he takes much delight in helping them along to meet their fate. If anyone is interested, they have them at Wally-world for $3.97 And they grow freakin fast!

Peter also got me a chest for all my semi-precious stones and essential oils and such. It's old and looks like a treasure chest. Pretty nifty in my opinion. He has been very supportive in my beliefs which means a lot to me. Most I have shared my beliefs with have just basically blown me off but he has actually shown a bit more interest. I don't practice nearly as much as I once did (for my own personal reasons), but I still do on occasion when the need to do so arises.

Let's see... what else?

Yahoo sucks. (Boooo.)

It rained. (Yay!!)

We picked up Akira, The Craft, Beetlejuice, and KMFDM Beat by Beat on dvd, Twilight of the Cockroaches (don't ask), on vhs and a Trust Co. cd (which is pretty cool) within the last week @ Zia.

And I can't think of anything other then the mundane at the moment. My original lj entry was going to be about people who are literally obsessed with others snf how it can be quite creepish but I seemed to have lost my train of thought on that subject.

So carry on.

* Give Me Wings.

Well, it's official. [14 Jul 2003|05:02pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Bad news:

Plans for our wedding kinda fell through due to the fact that the majority of the people we planned to invite have moved far away. It was going to be so cool. Oh well... Now on to the good news.

Good news:

We decided to get married in Las Vegas in 2 weeks. Hell with the rest.. we will just throw a party or something when we get back. His whole family is very supportive and I will be meeting more of his family next weekend.

I'm so excited... and nervous... and a whole bunch of other things all at once. My heart feels as though it's about to burst right out of my chest every time I think about it. Oh fuck. What am I going to wear?? So many decisions to make. Part of his family will probably be attending as well. How should I do my hair and make-up?? Gods there is so much to think about. I thought we'd be getting married sometime next October... and here we are planning to get married in 2 WEEKS!!!

*talks to self*

Okay... Breathe..

~takes deep breath~

Okay.. It will all work out. Just calm down.







Wow.



Just....


Wow.

10 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

[10 Jul 2003|11:57am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

It's amazing how getting paid can make the world seem a tad less dreary. Yay for money!!

1 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

Free clothes with holes.... [09 Jul 2003|10:30pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I got fishnet stockings, fishnet pantyhose and fishnet arm warmers all for under $9. I love Halloween and the fact I am dating someone who gets 40% off of retail.

Course... he paid for it as well. So I guess technically I got it all for free.

4 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

[08 Jul 2003|02:37pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I remember once there was a time when I was passionate about everything. My art, my music, my writings, my friends, my son, my life, going out, having fun, meeting new people... Just living. I have lost that somehow and I am unsure as to when or how. Now.. I just don't care. I can't even go to Blockbuster and walk out with a movie I really want to see. Nothing intrests me. I spend most of my time either home or at work and G is not available for me to hang out with, K is busy with her job and s.o... and I am just.. for the most part... here. I go to work part-time (which is a whopping 10 hours this week) and stay home the rest.

At first it bothered me.. but now it has come down to where, even if I could go out clubbing or to an actual theatre to watch a movie; I would rather stay home and do.... well.. nothing. Flam Chen has been gone so I have not even been able to continue practices with K as we had originally planned. I just go through the motions, day in, day out, only having those moments spent with Peter where I can remember that it's all actually worth something. But when he's not around, like now, I find myself lonely and bored and having nothing more exciting to do other then cook or clean. I even signed on to yahoo and looked at my list of friends which is over 50... not even one of them was online. Not even G.


God I feel so freakin alone right now.

2 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

Hmmmm [03 Jul 2003|08:11pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

It seems as though when I (or many people on my friend's list for that matter) post something with substance... NO ONE comments. However when people post inane things in their journals, comments are definitely there.

Tells me a lot....

5 Stitches * Give Me Wings.

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]