Gwaland's Journal

Subject:	update.
Time:	12:37 am.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	Little Tin Frog - I'm in Pain.

Went to papa's pizza tonight. It was alright.

Haven't been in the best of spirits since yesterday afternoon.

Almost have all the parts assembled for the streaming server. although it won't be streaming due to bandwidth limitations. I'll be moving a DVD-rom and the video hard drive to it and hosting it locally. It has access to zsnes and fceultra now from the menu.. I need a 4.7 microfarad cap and a 1n4148 diode to complete the breadboard test for the IR receiver..after that I'll need a 38khz IR detector to replace the one I've borrowed from retard bot.

I wonder if I should get these or a pair of Playstation->USB converters that will be about $15 a piece if I want the ones that support my DDR pads...

scarborough pics are up in the furmeet section of my gallery.

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Subject:	Gaylord Texas hotel and random bitching about computer parts.
Time:	11:27 pm.

We went to see shelly's dad who is staying at that fancy new Texas themed Gaylord hotel over on the west side of Dallas tonight. For a Texas themed place they sort of missed the point I think. there aren't elephant ear plants growing in the palo duro canyon...About the only two things that grow there are a few bushes and rocks...lots of rocks. Also for a Texas themed hotel to not have Dr Pepper but instead offer Mr. Pibb is a blasphemy so great I can't even find anything else in my 26 years of experiences to reckon it to. It is kind of interesting to see what overpaid designers think is important in Texas landscaping though. and the $24 buffet was almost worth it but they were taking up all my mint thingies when I went back up for my I think 8th plate.

I lost a power supply today thus slowing my plans for making a streaming server out of the parts that sark so kindly donated to me. ohh I wanted to tell you something about some of that stuff sark but I'll talk to you this weekend. But no power supply means no streamy toy. everyone is saying I should put in PVR capabilities but I don't have a TV tuner card just a DC10+. Also since we don't have cable the capture would be questionable at best. Qcast has become a rather sore disappointment since the lack of updates and compatibility with newer divx releases has made it all but useless now....So I need to replace it with something.

ohh speaking of I have now touched, caressed, fondled and done dirty things with a BLUE playstation development console. One of my life goals is complete. and I'll have pics at some point. :)

I'm on the hunt for 10 gig min IDE Hard drives for the ITT LAN party group btw. If anyone happens to have a few laying around they don't mind giving up to save the sanity of some of the students at ITT let me know. If they could use scsi I could get them drives for $15 a pop but nooo they have to use cheap Dells. :p

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Warning!
Time:	2:07 am.
Mood:	silly/tired.

You are not currently seeing this. If you are you've done something wrong and didn't follow through with my plans for passive domination of the planet. Why aren't you at your posts!? Where is my army of immigrants that can't speak English but can only speak in bad Net-Es? What happened to the robot chickens!? Why are the movies at the video rental store still in order?!?....Oh wait. Well at least one of you did your job!

Mark my words...Someone isn't getting their salamis in the thank you for your support baskets for this one..

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Subject:	The asphalt island or how sky found his sanity in about 2 and a half acres of land.
Time:	1:27 am.
Mood:	tired.

I finally went to the park near my house yesterday and took some pictures. It's amazing. There's a very small creek that winds through the park with a small wood surrounding it. There is a field that is wonderful. when you stand staring down at the field with the houses behind the the tree line completely blocks out the rest of humanity and you can feel alone and at peace with yourself. It's large enough to hold am amtgard battle which was surprising. I wonder if any minds eye theater people have used it as a place for a Caern in werewolf. It's truly an amazing place.

I wandered out with my camera and an MP3 CD packed with NIN, Tori Amos and enigma. Tori Amos really helped the atmosphere or surreality I had as I stepped from a crowded park into a tiny secluded area under the protection of the trees.

I was able to let all the stress go as I set by the point where the creek spread out so wide that the water was shallow enough to walk across. and just listen to the water. It really was a wonderful experience for me.

There is a dead moss on some of the trees that look like a giant centipede. It's odd. I couldn't get any pictures of them though. I have some pictures but a lot of them are fuzzy because of the lighting. I'll take my tripod next time.

I'll post pictures tomorrow. I have to be in class in a few hours so bed time.

sorry for the senseless meandering.

Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	why not...the book meme thing..
Time:	3:26 am.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions

"And frankly, I want to have sex with him without worrying so much about disease"

From the paper "Is there Life After Sex?" by John Weir found in the book Anti-gay. Which I'm still not sure what I think about it yet.

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	And so the cycle continues.
Time:	2:08 am.
Mood:	gloomy.
Music:	The Billys - Chain Letter.

Well I talked with Shelly and the cycle has started again. I wish I knew how to break it.

I'm questioning my choice of school again. I get out the fastest with this school but I feel really guilty being in those classes with all these people who are struggling so hard. I feel like I'm being an elite ass because I'm getting so frustrated having to slow down to there speed during the labs. :/ It shouldn't take an hour to put 3 resistors in series, measure the current between each one and the voltage across all of them. These people should also know the difference between a power supply and a hard drive....They took a course on how to build computers...I shouldn't have to give them refresher courses while I'm trying to do my own lab. Maybe next quarter will be more of a challenge...I sure hope so.

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Nice change of pace.
Time:	12:31 am.
Mood:	content.

Spike and Shadowpaw came over for a nice quiet visit today. It was nice. :) I really enjoyed their company. It made me get off my ass and do the major cleaning that had to be done too. I hadn't gotten to just sit with them yet. I really enjoy shadowpaw a lot even if he seems a little skittish sometimes. I try not to poke too much fun at him since I know he's still kinda warming up to being social. Spike's scion now has pretty blue lights in the floorboard that I like. :)

Having quiet small get togethers like this one I think is what I really need more than anything. I always seem to end up trying to be hyper and happy when in large groups because I don't know how to sit down and hold a quiet conversation in them since I usually can't hear what's being said. Even at the last gathering when I wasn't feeling well at all I tried to be happy. Which in the end has both a physical and mental cost...some of you know what happened the other night from my finally reaching my wits end.... But shadowpaw talked about masks we wear and trying to figure out who we really are after years of using them...I understand that all too well. Tonight was much more calm and subdued than normal. It really helped my nerves and my self esteem knowing that they drove all that way to come see shelly and me.

*hugs* thanks guys.

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	movies in my gallery!
Time:	11:55 pm.
Mood:	jealous.

well I finally got down to hacking the software I use for my image gallery to work with videos and gif files. The vids don't have a thumbnail but they show up at least. which means the zoo pics, the halloween videos, and jaiden singing to Karaoke Revolution are all now up.

Getting the Dec up and running sent me into a frenzy of server work which I've needed to do for a while.

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	night on the town with syn.
Time:	4:45 am.
Mood:	pensive.

I went out to steak n' shake with synfony tonight. It was nice to have one on one time with someone. I tried hard not to take over conversation like I feel like I tend to do. I had a good talk with her. the only downside being that the $16 tab ended up all on my credit card when I wanted the bulk of it on my gift card. but the waiter there couldn't figure out how to do it. :/ oh well. Shelly will be frustrated but will get over it.

After dropping syn off I had a really weird discussion with myself...I argued at myself about my life. I don't mean mentally either...I was verbally discussing with myself in two rather distinct voices...one rather pissed off at how I've handled some aspects of my relationship with Shelly and how I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so hopeful about something that this voice at least knew wouldn't happen. The other voice was subtle and apologetic and felt like it was on the verge of tears over the sadness it felt for being so foolish and letting feelings develop even though I knew it was too soon and probably a bad idea...at one point I started arguing over whether I should go to see a psychiatrist about the fact that I was talking to myself with two apparently separate personalities. The thing that bothered me most about it was the fact that I didn't feel like I was doing it to amuse myself like I used to do. :/ Maybe the exhaustion is just getting to me and I'll feel like an idiot for this post tomorrow. or at least I hope so.

Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	More hints for people to keep in mind for life.
Time:	1:06 pm.
Mood:	amused/down.

Never give a bored kitty access to a thermosistor on a wire. If you do you're likely to find out the current temperature down his pants is 97.9 degrees (which is about right since my body temperature averages about 97.0 just FYI) :p

thanks everyone for the comments on my last entry...It's a lot to think about and I think a lot of people kind of misunderstood thought I have no intimate or physical attraction to Shelly. I do. She can attest to my constant passes at her.

I'll either write more later or respond to people later. Right now I'm going to go to the library. *keeps his fingers crossed for some things for peri.*

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Subject:	Long night.
Time:	11:08 pm.
Mood:	Hurt.

Shelly got home early today so we went and tried El Fenix. It's not the greatest mexican food but it's better than a lot of the stuff we've found here in Dallas so far.

Afterwards we went and looked at scion XAs and some thing from chevy. She's going to test drive one from chevy Tuesday I think. I wanted to grill the people about CVTs hybrids and other potential technologies but kept my hands in my pockets and my curiosity in check. Which is apparently a skill I really need to work on in general I'm finding out..

I talked with peri and misty some tonight online. I enjoyed my conversations even if I did put my foot in my mouth for one of them.

I guess I'm going to go to bed and try to clear my mind now.

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Subject:	Mr horrible
Time:	11:45 pm.
Mood:	sick.
Music:	TMBG - Someone Keeps Moving My Chair.

Being sick sucks. I blow everything out of proportion and mess up any good things I've had.

It's been a really crappy week. :/ I missed school today and my teacher won't respond to my email...which is a pain in the ass since I know he had to read them since one of our assignments was to send him an email and it was due today. oh well.

I've managed to make Shelly feel bad and be mad at me at the same time. :(

On the bright side I've done all my homework before midnight which means I can either chat or go to bed early for once.

I need to get laundry put up because it's starting to drive me nuts. My brain isn't functioning properly tonight. I can't seem to form a coherent thought. :/

I have such a bad headache.

oh well I've been waiting almost two hours and trying to type this for nearly that same length of time. I'm going to take meds and go to bed.

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