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May 13th 2004
3:54 am
She can't remember a time when she felt needed...
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You're my imagination... May 13th 2004
3:19 am
I really really ought to go to sleep. But I'm afraid of what may wake me up.

... not really afraid... just, really really nervous.

So, anyway... I'm rather annoyed right now. God only really knows why... it has no true relevance to anything going on in my life right now, But... I don't know. I guess despite what changes have been made, I still wonder what the past really did hold between people.
And then I wonder about this, and about that. And about what's going on here, and what went on there. And.... yeah... How this person is doing, and what that person is up to. I tell ya, it's enough to drive any mad girl even madder.

And, to top it all off... Today was the baby's 4th birthday. I called him up to say happy birthday, and before i had the chance to say anything he said "Thank you". It was so cute how they trained him to say thank you anytime someone says happy birthday, (Or even before!) it's like he's a dog. Arf, arf... We're all getting so old. And some old lady asked me if me and my mom were sister! And since my mom does look old these days... I just assume I'm looking old too. I think it's time to call up my old plastic surgeon.

Yeah, still nothing of importance to relay.
I hear:  I feel:  tired
I hear:  I feel:  Donna Summer - I Will Go With You (Con Te PartirĂ³))

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Like lightning, or like fire... May 12th 2004
5:18 am
Aye... My hair keeps getting more and more blonde. Atleast it beats it going grey. I've decided to not dye my hair to see how blonde it'll go.

.... The only real sad part about it... is that I've turned into such an airhead. You know, even moreso than I ever pretended to be before.

And my chest keeps getting bigger and bigger.

And I'm so tired. And I should be sleeping.... Because I know my mom is going to call me in about 4 hours to wake me up so we can go shopping. Why she insists on getting up that early on a day off of work I'll never understand! It's mad craziness!

Yeah, anyway... I can't sleep. I'm so bored. I'm so tired... la la la....

Now, you know... Back east, any house that I ever lived in has been a rather old house. So, it had it's usual creaks. Going up and down the stairs it creaked, prancing across the den floor creaked more than anything... But, yeah... the stairs creaked.
Anyway, on my way upstairs a few minutes ago, I realised that now that the house was entirely quiet.... And I was walking up the stairs... My stairs don't creak. This makes me sad. The only bonus to the entire thing is that the bones in my ankles and feet creak! I'm so old!

Ok. I'm going to go lay down... No doubt I will pass out the very moment my head hits the mountains of pillows and blankets.
I hear:  I feel:  drunk
I hear:  I feel:  Five for Fighting - Bella's Birthday Cake

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In the wound that would not heal... May 6th 2004
11:13 pm
I'm so uncomfortable. I'm going to disown myself.

Anyone want me?
I hear:  I feel:  uncomfortable
I hear:  I feel:  Sarah McLachlan - Fallen

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Give yourself to me... May 5th 2004
9:20 am
From Monday at 11am, to about tuesday at 7:30pm I hadn't slept more than 15-45 minutes (I think I passed out for 15 minutes, some of my employees would say it was more like 45 minutes) So, I came home yesterday, and went to sleep... and slept from 7:30 until... 8:30 this morning. And I'm so getting ready to go back for more.

I hate not sleeping. I can't wait til my vaction.
I hear:  I feel:  aggravated
I hear:  I feel:  Madonna - Frozen

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May 2nd 2004
9:09 pm
HAHA, it's Steve's birthday.. he's thirty. It rocks so much to be so not old.
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Do you know where you're going when you've taken your last breath.... Do you know what you get? May 2nd 2004
8:14 pm
On a dark and lonely road in my hometown
Stands a house that long ago should've been torn down
It reeks of love gone sour, suspicion and bad debt


What would be funny is if tuesday, after the QA reinspect... I had to go to the hospital. Nothing like a little 2 fo' two.

Grah, it's so hot here.

In a black and far off corner of my mind, there's a box of something I can't quite define... it houses circus freaks, temptation, and the Fayette County fair...

And it reeks of love gone sour, suspicion, and big hair...
I hear:  I feel:  uncomfortable
I hear:  I feel:  The Clarks - Cigarette

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The past is gone but something might be found to take it's place... Apr 29th 2004
8:54 pm
Tell me do you think it'd be alright if I could just crash here tonight...
You see, I'm no shape for driving, and anyway I've got no place to go...
And you know it might not be that bad, you were the best I ever had...


You know, you really oughta just go back home.
Sometimes I wish you could read this...


And if you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down...
'Cause all I really want is to be with you, feeling like I matter too...
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago, I might be here with you...
I hear:  I feel:  drunk
I hear:  I feel:  Gin Blossoms - Hey Jealousy

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I hope that we die holding hands... always... Apr 29th 2004
10:53 am
When you want it, it goes away too fast.... The times you hate it always seem to last.... Just remember, when you think you're free... the crack inside your fucking heart is me.
...I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day...

I wish I could sleep, But I can't lay on my back... 'Cause there's a knife for every day that I've known you.
I hear:  I feel:  peaceful
I hear:  I feel:  Marilyn Manson - The Speed of Pain

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She moves in mysterious ways... Apr 28th 2004
2:58 pm
Ugh, I wanted to go do all that shopping right now and just get it out of the way... but I'm too damned tired to even more.
I hear:  I feel:  lethargic
I hear:  I feel:  U2 - Mysterious Ways

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When I was young I knew everything... Apr 21st 2004
1:12 am
I am so tired right now, I should go to sleep... but I haven't one single desire in this world to do that. I want to stay up forever.

He made me french toast tonight, I think it's made me sick.
I hear:  I feel:  sympathetic
I hear:  I feel:  Verve Pipe - Freshman

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I was not put on this earth to listen to meat... Apr 20th 2004
4:48 am
I spent the night on the couch with Nick watching some weird TV, and movies. I did manage to take a two hour nap, which is the most sleep I've had in one period of time in a while now. I feel sooo rested... I'm glad I called in sick to work today, or else i'd be screwed... I would of had to get up in an hour to go to a meeting.

Though, on a strange note...
I haven't dyed my hair in forever.... So, it's reverting back to it's normal color... which is good, and all.. however.... it's so much more blonde than I ever remember it being. I think I may have dyed away it's natural color. Woe is me...

So, instead.. I'm just going to get some severly weird looking blonde highlights put in....
I hear:  I feel:  happy
I hear:  I feel:  Audioslave - Like a Stone

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I want to be with you, be with you, be with you night and day.... Apr 19th 2004
9:37 am
Grah....


This is twice now I've had this cold, or whatever this year. Why am I getting sick like this? I never get sick like this! AHH! Maybe I should say screw it and just take the rest of the week off work until I recover.... ahh....
I hear:  I feel:  aggravated
I hear:  I feel:  U2 - New Years Day

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Will you stay with me? Will you be my love? Apr 12th 2004
9:41 pm
You know, one day I really will be gone...
I hear:  I feel:  depressed
I hear:  I feel:  Sting - Fields of Gold

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I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then. Apr 9th 2004
2:50 am
We have these lamps in our living room. They're a normal lamp, with the top lamp part, but there's a cut out design in the base, which has a light inside it as well.... With the ablilty to have only that light lit. It's like a jack-o-lantern.

The first time I left just that light on, it filled the room with an eerie glow. I since that moment never left just that light on.
Well, tonight... for some reason, while turning off the lamp, I made it so that that light was the only one on. .. And being too lazy to fix it... I left it alone, and went into the family room to watch The X-Files.

After it was all over, I shut off all the lights in the downstairs, and proceeded into the livingroom (Which holds the only access to stairs to the upstairs).... I glanced over in the direction of the lamp....Which was turned slightly to the side... It's shape was unfamiliar... and startled me... forcing me to walk straight into the closet door that was left open in the dark room, and then tripping over the computer chair, knocking me into the glass coffee table, where a large candle holder decided to impale my abdomen....

I have decided to get rid of the lamps.
I don't care that we spent $300 on them. As of dawn, (The next time I'll feel comfortable going back downstairs, since that creepy light is still on) they're gone.
I hear:  I feel:  weird
I hear:  I feel:  Robert Miles - Tell Me a Fable

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I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name... Apr 8th 2004
12:48 am
Today at work I let some girl cut me.
Actually, she never asked, I never gave permission, but... I also never stopped her.
And now my arm throbs. My fingers are swollen, (From what I'll never know!)
And I can get to only 40, not the last five. "Cannot find sever". The internet sometimes really pisses me off. I missed Leno tonight, I'm so saddened by that. (I don't even like Leno). And it's Yahoo that's being an ass..

And I'm much to annoyed to be thinking for the rest of this week.

Welcome to the party
It's only me and you
Tell the world to go away, babe
And I'll tell you what to do
Come over here and kiss me
I want to pull your hair
Turn out the lights and hold me
I want to touch you everywhere
We don't need nobody, baby
We don't need champagne
I'll take you to the deepest, darkest, hottest lovers' lane
For a little spark in the dark
I hear:  I feel:  discontent
I hear:  I feel:  Alice Cooper - House Of Fire

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In secret love we drown... Apr 5th 2004
2:06 am
I don't want to go to sleep, because then I'd only have to wake up and go to work.
I hear:  I feel:  aggravated
I hear:  I feel:  Cradle of Filth - Portrait of the Dead Countess

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Apr 2nd 2004
2:48 am
I'd kill for cereal right now...
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This is not 'we are the world". Mar 31st 2004
12:19 am
I am determined...

Oh yes, I will be victorious.

I feel success lurking just beneath the surface...

I'll be your lover, I'll be forever... I'll be tomorrow.. I am anything when I'm high.
I hear:  I feel:  determined
I hear:  I feel:  Marilyn Manson - Dried Up, Tied And Dead To The

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I wish that you would just leave... Mar 30th 2004
12:12 am
Satan, who may actually be Death, is a hooded Marilyn Manson figure who, as Jesus is beaten to a pulp, inexplicably cradles a tiny bald man with hairy arms


Haha, My thoughts too!

then again, It was kinda creepy...
I hear:  I feel:  happy
I hear:  I feel:  Evanescence - My Immortal

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