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...black bird singing in the dead of night... {28 Apr 2004 * 09:55pm}
{ mood * sleepy }
{ music * I'm singing me and corey's song! :D }

The past 72 hours were pretty cool. I got to see Brandon AND Ryan at the same time. The only really non-cool thing was having to drive 8+ hours all by myself. I made it home though, so that is all that counts. I work the next five days in a row which is going to suck but at least I'll make some money. I might end up writing more about the past two days later but for right now I am damn tired. I am going to lay in my bed and watch some Iron Chef. But before I go I have to post just one picture for my good friend Corey whom I love so dearly. This is the man who sings our song. We love him...

2 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

{12 Apr 2004 * 07:08pm}
{ mood * devious }

I am fueled by sexy boys and wicked drugs.

6 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

{05 Apr 2004 * 03:57pm}
{ music * The really bad manson cover of tainted love }

My name is: Bree
I may seem: like I don't know all the words to We didn't start the fire.
But I'm really: awesome because I do know all the words to we didn't start the fire.
Sometimes I feel: sun-burned
In the morning I: sleep
I like to sleep: in the morning
If I could be doing anything right now I: would be driving up 611 smoking with e-ron.
Money is: green
One thing I wish I had is: my own language.
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: a sun burn
All I need is: love
If I had one wish it would be: that I would never have to work ever again.
Love: drugs
First best friend: my dad
First car: altima
First real date: I don't remember.
First real kiss: like with tounge, I think like 6th grade
First break-up: I'm sure I got one of my friends to do it for me.
First screen name: leoluver21
First self purchased album: The first tape I ever had was Primus but the first one I ever bought on my own was something like TLC
First funeral: my dad's grandfather.
First pets: A bunny named floppy
First piercing/tattoo: my ears
First credit card: I have that check card bullshit.
First true love: drugs
First enemy: ...
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Billy Joel
Last cigarette: last night
Last car ride: justin drove me home from jared's because I was drunk :)
Last kiss: Tom, yea brotha!
Last good cry: that sounds like a really bad chick flick.
Last library book checked out: the perfect victim
Last movie seen: Down to earth (it was kinda dumb)
Last beverage drank: Canada Dry "Celebrating 100 years!"
Last food consumed: veggie burger
Last crush: my manager ;)
Last phone call: Justin
Last time showered: yesterday, soon to be in like 10 minutes when I am done this.
Last shoes worn: oh man, I got these hot shoes for like 5 bucks and we were haning out with Jordan and his hot friend and his hot friend was like "You're shoes are hot" <3
Last cd played: Broken Social Scene - You forgot it in people
Last item bought: case of ginger ale and a blunt
Last annoyance: my sun burn
Last disappointment: that erin shaded out last night
Last time wanting to die: I dunno
Last time scolded: my mom bitched about me parking in her spot
Last shirt worn: my sports night shirt
Last website visited: something about kurt
Last word you said: screaming
Last song you sang: yeah - usher "We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed"
What is in your cd player?: broken social scene
What color socks are you wearing?: I'm barefoot
What Color of underwear are you wearing?: lime green with popsicles
What's under your bed?: shoes boxes and board games
What time did you wake up today?: 1
Where do you want to go?: to bed
What is your career going to be?: I'm going to give lap dances in train stations
Where are you going to live?: holland
How many kids do you want?: not many
What kind of car(s): anything that is not american made
Current mood: tired
Current music: Pass that dutch
Current taste: ginger ale
Current hair: messy
Current clothes: black pj pants and my sports night shirt
Current annoyance(s): sun burn
Current desktop picture: broken social scene
Current favorite artist: avedon!
Current book(s): I'm between books.
Current color of toenails: clear
Current time-wasting wish: shut up
Current hate: SUN BURN
Last Words: this was a waste of time.

1 Argument * </font color>Pick A Fight

...I'm an orphan to the valley... {05 Apr 2004 * 03:24pm}
{ mood * mellow }
{ music * Jackson 5 - A B C }

So first I would like to say Fuck being sun-burned. I have been tanning so that I look less like a plastic shopping bag and more like I'm supposed to.

So Justin turned 21 a few days ago so now all I will be doing is drinking. Case it in point, last night. I got a sixer of honey brown and sat in Jared's room and Justin, Jared, and I sat around and drank it up. Erin's mom goes away on Wednesday until I don't even know when. Can we say Party? Erin threw the word kegger around the other day which would be sweet. But I know if we threw one that means a lot of people would have to come. Now, besides the fact that Erin might freak because there would be a lot of people, most of the people we know have problems with other people we know. Drama! I think we will end up just getting some cases or something. I can't wait to move out of my house for this short period of time.

It's been ten years since Kurt Cobain killed himself.

Pick A Fight

...one hand returns the other... {29 Mar 2004 * 06:10pm}
{ mood * relaxed }
{ music * The Cure - Boys Don't Cry }

So yea, my grandmom died yesterday. I think I am going to speak at the funeral. Everything is just a huge blur right now. And I guess the muscle relaxers are not helping.


drugs.

5 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

...You're only coming out cause you can't back in.... {27 Mar 2004 * 02:41pm}
{ mood * indifferent }
{ music * Broken Social Scene - Shampoo Suicide }

So last night was pretty cool. Erin, Dan, Ryan, and I went to see Broken Social Scene. And all I can say is oh my god. It was soo amazing. They played all my favorite songs. Right when b.s.s. started playing we were standing in the pit I looked side stage and I saw James and his big fro and I got so excited and then I looked just a little to the left and I saw Dan too! So after the show we were talking to James who was soooooo drunk and he asked if we could drive him and dan home. So he gave me his beer and we waited outside for them. So we all packed into the car and had a nice drive home listening to Interpol. All in all it was an awesome night. Seeing James and Dan really made me miss hanging out with them. I told them I would stop by one day soon and I so will.

We all know the good would not be as sweet without the bad...

My great grandmother who is 95 is going to die within the next 72 hours. And it is causing me to feel very mixed emotions. I mean obviously it's her time to go. She lives with her daughter and it's just stress for the both of them. She has no home anymore. She needs to be at peace. Everyone has their time I guess.

So this morning I called Ryan because he was one of the few people in my life that I can call and everything just seems like it's going to be okay. And when I call him and he makes me feel like that I realize why I love him and why I care about him so much. But what I really love is when I call him and he acts like he does not know me and/or I get one word answers. And wouldn't you know that today, one day where I really need him, he is like that. So finally after almost 3 years of just letting it go and not saying anything, I called him back and told him that I won't stand for being treated like that. And even though all I got was hung up on, I'm happy I stood up for myself.

I have let this entry sit here for a good hour. I thought about a million more things that I want to say but I realized I have no means of explaining how I really feel.


You know?

1 Argument * </font color>Pick A Fight

...this post-acid trip state of mind... {22 Mar 2004 * 05:24pm}
{ mood * aggravated }
{ music * Xiu Xiu - I luv the valley OH! }

I feel this overwhelming resentment toward everyone. Everyone lies, cheats and steals. Including you. I am so tired of feeling the same things over and over again. Thats all this journal really is, me bitching about shit nobody cares about. Then I go back and read all of this shit and I get livid with myself for being negative all the time. This journal does not accurately portray who I am. So If you think you know me based on what you have read, you don't. If you think you know me at all, you don't. When I am by myself, I'm nobody anyone knows. If I could describe myself in one word it would be Compulsive. I do the same thing a million times till I break down and cry. I go about two weeks until I break down. Then I sleep, wake up, and start all over again. It's sick. I don't want anyone to know me, I don't want anyone to get really close to me. I have this urge to break out but into what? What else is there really? And I know that I would get those cliche comments like "I love you bree" but the truth is, you don't love me, so don't act like you do. I'm "loved" when it's convenient. When it fits into your fucking schedule. But that's okay because I don't need love. Love is something people use as an excuse to act like an asshole. There is no such thing as love. Tell yourself what you will but I know the truth. You can't convince me otherwise. And half the people I thought were awesome aren't. And for the record I don't feel honored that people talk to me. I don't think anyone is cool. Some people are smarter than others, which tend to be the people I gravitate to but no one is "cool" Everyone just thinks they are awesome. People who can think on their own are the closest thing to "cool" Tattoos, piercings, muscles, cars, money, clothes, all of that dumb shit does not make you who you are. I fucking hate "scene" IT IS SO POINTLESS. GROW UP AND WIPE THAT FUCKING PUSS OFF OF YOUR UGLY FACE. I don't care who you know or what you don't eat. Shut up and tell someone who cares. And if you do find someone who cares they are just as lame as you.

Don't try to talk to me about it all. I don't want to hear it.

{18 Mar 2004 * 11:23pm}
{ mood * drained }

For some reason I am so fucking depressed right now. I really could not tell you why.

6 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

{29 Feb 2004 * 03:25am}
{ mood * mellow }
{ music * fuck yourself. }

Can I tell you that I'm not suprised?

2 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

{17 Feb 2004 * 01:16pm}
new aim name: lucid revolution

add me!
1 Argument * </font color>Pick A Fight

...in the still of the night... {12 Feb 2004 * 06:54pm}
{ mood * bored }
{ music * Jewel - Who will save your souls }

So I started working at Nifty's on Tuesday. It has been going pretty well. Today was my third day of training and they were already letting me serve on my own. Oh man, there is this one manager sean who is soooooo hot. I heard he can be an asshole though, but god damn. I think I might be quitting Suncoast. I really don't want to work there anymore, only because they don't understand that they won't be able to just put me on and I will show up. Here is a perfect example. I told Allison I won't be able to work Sunday's anymore. So my only days I could work would be Wednesday's. So what does she do? Puts me on for Sunday AND Saturday. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you listen? So she tried to push it off on me to find someone to cover which would be IMPOSSIBLE because no one will ever cover for anyone else. So I was just like "You know what days I can work and you made the schedule, so you have to fix it" Annoying. But other than that not much else has been going on. I have been staying at Jen's mom's cause she is away, watching the fucking annoying dogs.

more later.

3 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

...cause there ain't no joy, for an uptown boy, who's teacher has told him goodbye... {22 Jan 2004 * 06:21pm}
{ mood * giggly }
{ music * Jay-z - La La La (soooo gangster) }

Oh man, twice in one day? What luck!

So erin picked me up and we went to OCB to get her check. Then we went to Alta so erin could get some hair dye. Next we hit up McCafferty's so erin could drop off her contract for her car, The bank so she could open up a checking account, and Ace Hardware to get the keys fixed. We came back here and I dyed her hair which was fucking hilarious. Erin was being a fucking gypsie about it though cause it looked blue. All I have to say is that today was hilarious.

1 Argument * </font color>Pick A Fight

...You know how us catholic girls can be... {22 Jan 2004 * 02:51pm}
{ mood * calm }
{ music * Damien Rice - Eskimo }

Alright, so here is a REAL update, I am sure that you are excited.

I spend a lot of time driving, which is kinda lame because gas is way expensive. I do like being able to drive though, I feel so much better all together. It's freedom, ya know. Erin just got a new car and it is hot. It's a 2002 saturn. It's awesome that we both have our own cars cause now we can do stuff during the day and both get another job. We also spend a lot of time at Adair's house which is pretty chill, especially when grandma comes out of the basement. I am trying to get a job at OCB being a dinning room attendant which means money! Which is something I need.

Other than that nothing else has really been going on. I have to start getting used to Hannah not being home allllll the time. It sucks. Summer won't come fast enough.

My feelings are blooming into a beautiful flower of love.

Pick A Fight

...and all you wanted was somebody who cares... {18 Jan 2004 * 08:41pm}
{ mood * shocked }
{ music * The pixies - la la love you }

I don't update this nearly enough. I will get to it all one day, I sware.

Horoscope: Someone from your past is pulling the strings of your heart. If it feels right, it's right. Remember to let love flow because when you start pushing it out the door your soulmate could go with it.

holy lord.

1 Argument * </font color>Pick A Fight

...running in the river just aint what it used to be... {02 Jan 2004 * 01:30pm}
{ mood * bored }
{ music * Broken Social Scene - Capture the flag }

My new years was pretty sweet. I went to sean, dan, and james' house for our cocktail party. It was basically all the girls dressed up and sean and james were in suits. It was damn hot. We had a whole bottle of cranberry twist vodka which was sooooo good. Plus we had a whole bottle of SoCo thanks to e-ron. So I ended up getting pretty damn drunk. It was a good time. There were a whole bunch of people there but everything was really chill. I hooked up with Julie, hannah's roommate, at midnight. I Also hooked up with this girl Sarah who is as equaly as awesome as Julie. So I got lucky. ;) I got to meet the girl that Dan really likes. Her name is Rachel and she is pretty nice. I enjoyed her company. I still think vvveeerrryyy highly of Dan, if you know what I mean, but I can't be chasing after yet another lost cause. He is just so damn cute. :p

I really wanted to go to the zoo today but I could not find anyone to go with me... llaaammmeeee.

2 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

...did you want me to change?... {30 Dec 2003 * 05:30am}
{ mood * disappointed }
{ music * I have coldplay in my head }

I just drove home in the middle of the night and I thought about everything on the way home. It was kind of neat. I wanted to hang around and drive home as the sun came up but I got really bored. Right now I feel kinda down but I don't really want to go into it. I had something really important to say but now I can't remember. Maybe I will some other time. I doubt it though, seeing as how I have no memory anymore.

I lost my cell phone.

I need sleep.

night.

Pick A Fight

...every note resounds in harmony... {22 Dec 2003 * 07:04pm}
{ mood * bored }

I got my licence and a car. It's strange being able to come and go as I please.

We spent a total of 6 days this week at the boy's house. It was pretty sweet. Dan is rrreeeeaaaallllllyyyy growing on me. On saturday night Ben claimed the couch in dan's room so I made Dan share his bed with me. Nothing happend but it was still really awesome. :] Even if nothing happens, it is still chill finding someone you like.

Tonight H-dawg is supposed to call me and we might hang out. Tomorrow I have work at 4 until 12 which is super lame. </3 work.

3 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

...just so damn happy... {18 Dec 2003 * 01:38am}
{ mood * flirty }
{ music * Jim Croce - H.T.S.I.L.Y.I.A.S. }

On Monday I worked basically all day. After work I had planned to go to Hannah's roommate, Julie's friends' house. But after my whole day I just felt like going home and passing out. I called hannah to tell her I did not want to go and she was like "NO YOU HAVE TO! PLEASE! HURRY GET READY!" So I gave in and got ready. We took the train to noble and julie picked us up. So we drove to this house that belongs to Dan, Sean, and James. All three are about 19 and they all go to college. So let me tell you about Dan. Well, first of all, his last name is angel. He is an art student at Tyler and his art is so beautiful. He has reallllllllllly long brown hair and the cutest face ever! He is amazing at music, he is way good at drums and guitar. But here is the best part... HE IS THE NICEST, SWEETEST, MOST RESPECTFUL BOY I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! Right away I felt really comfortable around him. So anyway, back to the story. So when we got to the house it was way trashed. There was shit everywhere. So we ended up getting some 40's and just drinking. Well some people starting getting crazy and Dan was all trying to regulate. He is exaclty like me, it's so weird. I ended up sleeping on the couch in his room and we talked for a while until he fell asleep. So the next morning when we woke up we decided we wanted to clean the house. So Dan and I went to the dollar store and bought some cleaning stuff. When we came back Julie, Dan, Hannah and I cleaned the whole house. It looked SO nice. Then we went outside and cleaned out Dan's van which was pretty rank. That took a long time because there was so much shit in there. Then we hit up the gas station and vaccumed it out. We needed to get a floor vaccum cause the floor in the house was messy so we went to Dan's parents house and borrowed their's. Then we went to Julie's house and hung out for a while. We hit up the dollar store one more time and got a new pink bath room rug because someone puked on their other one, a new table cloth which was pink also, a center peice for their kitchen table, and some magnets. So we had the house looking pretty hot when Sean came home from taking his finals and he was SO impressed. He was like "I am buying some box wine tonight for you guys!" So we decided to stay another night. We got some box wine and got pretty drunk. I passed out and I don't remember how or when but of course it was on Dan's couch. So this morning we woke up and just hung out for awhile. We got Dan to drive us all the way home which was awesome cause we went to guitar center so he could get a new bass drum cause he broke his other one. Then we hung out at hannah's house for a while and then they has to go. :( So ever since then I have done nothing but think about hhhhhiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmm. It is driving my crazy! He is so perfect. I wish I had a picture of him because my words do him no justice. And not just a picture I wish everyone knew him so they would know how awesome he is. Man, I am so happy. I can't stop smiling. But now I need to go to sleep cause I have work pretty freaking early.

Wait, one more thing, he likes the Jackson 5. <3

2 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

...mr jones strikes up a conversation with a black haired flamingo dancer... {13 Dec 2003 * 01:10am}
{ mood * creative }
{ music * Dave Matthews Band - Crazy }

So today turned out okay. I got my check and thank god it was for a good amount. I made my car payment and had bills to spare. I bought my family some gifts. I got them stuff I know they will like. I have to take a picture of the thing I got my mom, it is hot. I am proud of myself <3 I hung out with e-ron and han banan which was awesome. I love my women. I have to get up mad early tomorrow and help move hannah into her new home! I am going to do some writing and then I am off to bed.

2 Arguments * </font color>Pick A Fight

...merry christmas children... {10 Dec 2003 * 08:39pm}
I want this
And this
and this too
last one, I sware
Pick A Fight

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