Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Zak's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Friday, March 15th, 2002
10:02 pm	Just stuff So yeah I'm just sittin here chillen with Mimi and Eggy. I just had this urge to call them today. They showed up around 730 and now Eggy's asleep and Mimi is watching....correction was watching Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Now she's asleep too. I found out Eggy works at a porn shop and Mimi is doing the cosmetology thing in school. Seems like everything is working out well for them. I missed them and haven't seen them for like 6 months or so. So yeah, Cesar went to the PB Bar and Grill with Nick and a couple other fools. So after Eggy goes to work at 1030 I will be chillen alone tonight. Melissa is at work and I miss her but we all need money. I have been thinking about going back to work for another theatre, I mean I have like almost 3 years of theatre experience working at one. But yeah I am dirt ass broke and my insurance money hasn't come yet so I guess I will have to deal living paycheck to paycheck again! aarrgghh! Well I am going to see 42nd Street with Melissa tomorrow, it should be cool. Umm what else...4 more days to the 6 monthiversary. We were supposed to do the Dine with Shamu thing but that depends if I get a chance to talk to Willie, I might be able to get a free one. If we don't do that I am sure we will figure something out. So yeah that's about it for today, peace out yall. Current Mood: content Current Music: Millencolin-Pepper (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 9th, 2002
5:24 am	Hey!!! I'm Fat!....well fatter actually Hey I'm getting really fat, anyone who used to know me knows i used range from 156-165 lbs. Now I am almost 200 if not past that already. I've been (healthwise) feeling shitty lately. I am thinking about quitting smoking and actually using that 24 hour fitness membership I have. Maybe i can actually get into shape. I feel bad because since I've been with Melissa I have blown up. She has some hardcore dance classes that keep her conditioned. But that just means I am happy. Back in the old days of high school i was really depressed and was a skinny little bitch. Well, yeah. Hopefully I will be on my way to stopping smoking and getting into shape. So yeah, the picture of me is too remind me of the young happy Zak who will be 21 on the 29th. Cesar, Nick, Cara, and maybe even Aniba will be taking me to get toasted, nicley toasted. I wonder what Missy has planned for me the 30th though. She said it's a surprise and I have to be recovered by that evening. I hope everyone is happy and I will write again soon. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Lucky Boys Confusion-Do You Miss Me? (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 3rd, 2002
1:22 pm	Well hello there! Hey there everyone! How's everything going? I haven't written since...well you know. Things are going good now. Cesar moved into the apartment and we have all kinds of fun stuff to do now. PS2, dig cable, super internet, computer, just sitting around drinking beer, etc. Things are going great with Melissa we have been together for almost 6 months now and there hasn't been a major fight yet. A couple of little spats but that's it. She's just so awesome and she makes me sooo happy! So yeah anyways, Cesar and I are just a little pissed. We went to get Incubus tickets today and the girl in front of us couldn't decide where she wanted to sit and by time we got up they were SOLD OUT! ain't that the shit! Oh well we got front row seats for 311 and Dru (Thanks soo much!!!!) let me give her money to get tickets for Blink/Greenday/JEW and we got the only pit tickets sold @ the ticketmaster we were at. We assed out the stupid old chick behind us who got mad cuz her 10 and 8 year old sons didn't get pit. The ticket limit was 8 and Dru was only buying 1 so I went to the ATM and got the money for the other 5. We got six in total and the lady got all mad and said "thanks for cutting." Technically I didn't cut she bought less than the limit and she was allowed 8. So a big HA HA! to that stupid old lady and her 2 little kids. So yeah, after bills it's going to be a great month. 6 months with Melissa the 19th, my B-day the 29th (THE BIG 2-1! baby!!!!) Cesar and Nick are going to get Me and Omar(March 28th) very very very very wasted. It's going to be great. So yeah, even with all the crap that has happened things are getting back to normal....so everyone have a great day and I will write again sometime. Current Mood: annoyed w/ groupie bitches Current Music: 311...amber is the color of your energy (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 20th, 2001
10:00 pm	Today my Pops past away at 1420, I don't know what to say. They don't know if he had a stroke, anuerism, or heart attack. I went to see his body because I din't believe it. He was 57. I was talking to Chris about his mom 4 hours before it happened. I'm in shock but I am being strong, I am holding the family together. Cesar went with me to the hospital to see my dad. He's is truly the best friend I have. I will be strong and get everyone through this. I don't have much else to say. We may have had times we didn't get along but he has been there for everything and kept our family on thier feet. Now it's my job to do the same. I said what I had to say gave him a kiss on the forehead and got his things. I can't cry, I feel heartless. I know some day it will come but not now. YOU REALLY WERE A GOOD FATHER, I WOULDN'T WANT ANY OTHER. I LOVE YOU DAD. Ronald Kiyoshi Nakano (September 23, 1944-December 20, 2001) Current Mood: crushed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 8th, 2001
12:11 am	Weekend fun Yeah, this weekend I got Saturday off in exchange for working Sunday night. It was a good deal. I got to spend the day with my beautiful Melissa and stay the night. We went to her mom's house and stayed with her sister and fiance. Her mom was out of town with her Grandma and stepdad. We planned on going to six flags the next day but that was the day of rain. It was wonderful being able to to stay over. We had fun. He he he. The next day we went to The World. It was lots of fun. That night was the night of the thunder/lightning storm. After a wonderful weekend my mom tries to ruin it by bitching at me about me borrowing one of her phones. So she cusses up a storm and gets her way yet again. It didn't want to leave Miss alone so I took her with me to my dad's got my mom's phone, drove back to my moms then to her house and chilled for a little bit then went to work in that storm. I drove like 55 the whole way and there was sooo much water on the road that I was hydroplaning at that speed. It cleared up that night when I got to work and I drove the explorer all crazy. It was fun, there were like 2 foot deep puddle and I ran through so many that I shorted out the reverse beeper. It wasn't a bad night. The next day I was woke up by my damn mom, she made me take her to the welfare office then I went to Miss's house and chilled again. That night I went to Cesar's and we talked for a bit and played some tecmo super bowl. The next day we practiced for a bit when he got out of work and I went to visit Miss then went to Eggy's and then to Cesar's again to spend the night. It was fun we played nfl 2k1 and he ended up beating me in the last quarter. Oh well. Then we watched Conan O' Brian. Went on the net and went to bed. The next day(today) he went to Des's and I went home to take a shower then I went to Miss's house and we watched TV. We watched the Simpsons, King of the Hill, South Park, Que Locos, then Reverb with Linkin Park, Tantric, and One Side Zero. We had to go to her moms house after that for her stepdads B-day. Her family is cool but there is only so much I can take of her step family. There have been like 3 or four b-days in the past 2 months. They are just plain annoying. We are going back tomorrow for her little sisters b-day. i have to be to work in 7 hours. I am working a double shift day tomorrow. 8am-4pm and midnight -8am. So yeah a busy day overall tomorrow (technically today) I am soo in love with this girl and we talk about the future a lot. It makes me feel good that we can do this because it shows she's not afraid of commitment and that she plans to be with me for a long time. It makes trusting her that much easier. I got kinda scared earlier, I called her cell around the time she goes to bed to remind her about something and she didn't answer, I called again and it sounded like she was in a car or outside. She was in her room though. I gotta stop letting my mind trick me into thinking that every one is out to screw me over. Well anyway I am sooo happy with Melissa and I don't know what I'd do with out her. She's gonna hang out with Jess this weekend so I guess I gotta make some plans with my other friends. Monday we are going to Six Flags and hopefully Cesar and Des can get the day off. It would be a great trip to go with them. I would like Des to get to know Melissa better. I think they would be a good match as friends. They both think Chris Kattan, Matthew Lilard, etc. are fine. Both their favorite movies are SLC Punk and The Pest. Desiree is doing ballet and Melissa has been doing that for awhile and studied all kinds of dance. I just think it owuld be cool for my best friends girl friend to at least make friends with mine. I hope they hit it off. The last time we all hung out together it was late and we were only there for like 45 minutes watching a movie. So yeah I think that would be a great experience to have us all together having fun. Either way it will be fun and stuff. Oh yeah I am sooo pissed about MEST's show being the same day as the Incubus concert. Everyone should get MEST's new CD this coming Tuesday. They are really good! Well I really need to go to bed now. It's actually 1247 now. So see you all later!!!! Current Mood: good Current Music: Dj Driss-Arabic Rave (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 1st, 2001
1:53 am	Yo yo yo Hi everyone, it's me again.....I think I start all my entries like this. Oh Well. Today was cool. I got up and went to Missy's house then my mom called to ask me to take my nephew Brandon trick or treating. I borrowed some raver pants and went as that. It was fun and my nephew was damn cute. He was Blue from Blue's Clues. He's gonna be pimpin when he grows up. LOL. Well I had a good time with Miss, we just hung out and passed out candy. Watched Reverb on HBO. Pretty much just chill moded it. I played Majonng while she did her homework. Then chilled some more. Yeah, her Grampa Skip is cool. He stood outside and scared trick or treaters. It was cool. Her house was all decked out for halloween and He has fun doing it. It was blacklit with strobe lights and stuff. He had a skeleton costume and he would just stand still in the black light and then turn and scare everyone. LOL. So yeah we got some good popcorn from the lady down the street. I guess every halloween she breaks out her popper theatre style) and makes popcorn. It was cool, something different. Something jenkie though was when I took my nephew to this one house and the guy gave out oranges!? I know he just looking out for health and everything, but oranges!!??? I thought it was funny. Well I had a wonderful Halloween with my sweets and oh yeah baby, thanks for the Cali Burrito! It was good. See ya all later! Oh yeah once again Incubus Rocks!!!! Current Mood: happy Current Music: Incubus-Aqueous Transmission (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 24th, 2001
2:34 am	hey what's up? So yeah it's just me sitting here being an insomniac. Things have been going great between me and Melissa. I love her so much in so little time. I was just sitting here kinda worrying about the future. I know she loves me and she actually said she plans on being with me for a long time. I made me so happy, but.....now I am thinking that in 2 years or so she is going to enlist in the Air Force. I can't really stop her from doing so. She has had wonderful grades that I know of and she can really go to any college she wants to. I can't really convince her not to go because her whole family wants to see her go..her grandpa worked for NASA for godsakes. I just don't wanna lose her or see her gone to Colorado for basic training. I would even consider moving there for her. It would be hard not to see her and scary for me because I have had trust issues all my life. I do trust her and that is a big step for me. I know she won't cheat on me, that'd be the only way I'd ever even consider breaking up with her. So yeah maybe I'm worrying way too much for something that she plans to do in a couple of years. I've actually been thinking about enlisting in some kind of reserves, not for the reason you think, but I don't really know where my life is going, I know you're all thinking Zak's fat lazy ass going to boot camp (yikes!) but it might be a good alternative to sitting here trying to make things work. They pay you monthly, pay for your school, medical, dental, etc. So yeah I applied at Hot Topic got a 50 minute interview which went well then i was asked to take the phone survey. The thing was all automated and screwed me over. It malfunctioned and failed me after the first question. I went to see the manager about it and she couldn't do anything on the store level. I tried the service line for the automated test...that too was automated and I never recieved a call back so I could take the survey again. If it doesn't go through I have to wait 100 days till I can take it again. I really want to work there I hope the manager can see past that automated piece of shit and go based on my interview. Cest la vie, i guess. So yeah Iplan to be with Melissa for a long time. She just seems so right for me. We both have good senses of humor, play bass, like the same music (pavers baby!), like the same things, are both cute (he he), and just generally have a ton of things in common. So yeah I'm getting happy again and maybe my dumb ass shouldn't worry about things so much! Oh yeah, Incubus fucking rocks! and so do The Mad Capsule Markets--->Japanese metal/techno/punk fricken rocks!!!! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Incubus-Echo (Oh, did I forget...THEY ROCK!!!) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001
1:02 am	A wonderful Month and Incubus Rocks!!!! The 19th was Melissa and My 1 monthiversary. I have had the most wonderful month of my life. On Friday we were supposed to go out on my surprise trip but it fell through so we just spent time together and watched a movie or two. Saturday the same thing happened and I got all sleepy and fell asleep. I felt bad but she said I was soo cute when I am asleep so it was ok. Finally yesterday I took her out on a harbor cruise. It was fun and there was some cool stuff to see. We had a funny tour guide and an escort of seagulls. Then I took her to eat at Olive Garden. It was very good. I had the Seafood Alfredo and she got the Chicken Alfredo. Then I took her to Old Town and we walked around and talked, we then went to my house for awhile then to hers where we said goodnight. I had an absolutely fabulous time! Today we went and visited Jessica and watched a skate video then we went back to her house and layed around for a bit. She had a headache and was tired so I got her some tylenol and gave her a massage. Then I went back home. I saw my sister and told her I wanted the new Incubus CD she said she'd give me the money for it, so I said COOOL! Then my dad came home and told her not to buy it he would pay for it. So i got the money and went down to tower around 1130pm and bought it at midnight. While I was there I was at a listening station and listened to this japanese metal electronic band and ended up buying thier CD. They are called The Mad Capsule Markets. They are kinda like a heavier Static X if you can believe that. The Incubus Cd is totally awesome! It's more like Make Yourself then S.C.I.E.N.C.E. It's softer and still rocks! So all together I had a great weekend! I can't wait to go to the concert with My Beautiful! Love Ya! See yall peoples later! Current Mood: enthralled Current Music: Incubus: The Whole Morning View Album!!!!!! (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 18th, 2001
12:08 pm	:) Theres something about the look in your eyes Something I noticed when the light was just right It reminded me twice that I was alive And it reminded me that youre so worth the fight My biggest fear will be the rescue of me Strange how it turns out that way, yeah Could you show me dear? Something Im not seeing Something infinitely interesting Could you show me dear? Something Im not seeing Something infinitely interesting Theres something about the way you move I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing More subtle than something someone contrives Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you Strange how it turns out that way, yeah Could you show me dear? Something Im not seeing Something infinitely interesting Could you show me dear? Something Im not seeing Something infinitely interesting Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Incubus-Echo, from the Morning View album (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 9th, 2001
11:39 pm	Zak bowling?????? This weekend I went bowling with my Sweets, Jes, and Jared. It was cool. I totally sucked and still won! I got a 69 (he he he) my first game and like an 87 the second game. It was fun and we had shopping cart races next to Sam's club until some damn security guard (hey wait!) stopped all our fun. It was good fun and Missy bought us all a ton of food (2 orders of cheese sticks, 2 orders of chicken strips, and an order of curly fries) I have a strange new affinity for Dr. Pepper. I used to love it as a kid, hated it since then but now I like it again. So yeah fun stuff. Talk to you all later! Current Mood: happy Current Music: still DIGWEED!!!!!!!! he he he (Comment on this)
11:02 pm	Another Great Couple of Days! So yeah back again to tell you guys what's up. I have been having a great time with Missy. We've only been together a month but things are still great. I'm still working on getting over my jealousy issues and stuff like that. I am really going out on a limb with her and actually giving her my full trust. I have never really done that before....at least successfully. But I have faith that she won't wrong me. The biggest thing that happened was today when some guy she went out with over the summer IM'd her out of nowhere. I totally spazed out and my head started spinning. Things are going so well that I don't need things to go all whacko. She immediately blocked him and she said she wouldn't let anyone or anything get between us. I trust her on this one and I know she'll do the right thing and if he doesn't leave her alone I will kick his ass. I am totally in Love with this girl. I don't know, I always fall in love too quickly but this one just feels so right. I think her family likes me and that is cool. I haven't been this happy for a long time. The sucky thing though if I haven't mentioned it before. I once again got screwed out of my full time position at The World by some fat kiss ass named Neil from the day shift none the less. If they think I am going to train another unexperienced moron ass kisser they are wrong. The end of my first month I was training with no compensation, then a month later I was training some idiot who screwed me out of my last full time spot. I am sick of the politics at The World. I am not a kiss ass and never will be one. So now I have to get a day job, probably at Big 5 or another security job. I gotta get these bills paid. That is probably the biggest problem as of now bills and work. So yeah enough of my happy then bitching story. I hope everyone has a good day and I will post more later when I have more to say! :D Current Mood: relieved Current Music: DIGWEED!!!!!!!!!!!!! He he he he :D (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 4th, 2001
12:07 pm	Hola Amigo! Hi again, Last night was great! I went to the Employee preview party of Terrors Of The Deep with Missy, Jessica, Mike, and Hope. It was really great. I got the time wrong so we went to eat at Carl's Jr. on Midway. It was funny because Hope didn't want mayo on her sandwich so she opened it up to scrape the mayo off and she looked on the lettuce and there was a little green caterpillar chillen on the lettuce. It was hilarious and we joked about it all night. There were these really annoying ghetto chicks and they were being all noisey so I did my Cisko impression to try and shut them up. That didn't work, I went to the bathroom and when I came out I was going to fart right next to there table but I didn't. So when they were leaving I blasted one but they didn't hear. Everyone else di but not them. Oh well at least it was funny to those that heard. When we got there we got super checked everyone coming in. They had metal detectors and made you take everything out your pockets and stuff. Kinda like going to the airport. When we got inside we walked around and ran into the flamingoes. For some odd reason everyone with me was strangely interested in them. We actaully sat there and looked at them for I say...almost 10 minutes. It was fun though. Then we went to the huanted house in World of the Sea. It was great. I saw the fat ass kissing bitch that took my full time position, so yeah... It was really cool. I was surprised at how good it was. They should have actually let the people in at a slower rate so everyone could get scared cuz the people in front of us were really lagging and getting all the scares. It was fun anyway. We went to rocky point and I touched a dolphin for the first time in my 2 year history at the world it was neat. Some fat lady jumped against the wall reaching for a dolphin and busted ass! It was so damn funny. I couldn't stop laughing. Then we walked around and ran into some mortuary guy and Jessica wanted a coffin so the guy told us to go to some other guy to kill us then to come back. So yeah, then we went to the 3D terrortanic thing. It was cool you put on these 3-d glasses and go into this neon blacklit place and stuff it was also very cool. People popped out of walls and everything. We walked around a bit and Hope got sworn in as a pirate. That was pretty cool. Then we saw the Creepy something or other show, it was actually kinda interesting and we found out that an alligator can hold it's breath for 3 days!!!! Then we went to the haunted fools with tools show. It was actually pretty good and the actors and animals kept messing up so it made it that much better. Then it was off to Shamu, the music was good but the excitement level was down. THere was only enough people to fill about 1/4 if that of the stadium. I'm sure it would have been better with more poeple. We sat in the soak zone and only managed to get a little bit wet. Then we went to the front of the park and watched the closing ceremonies and went home. The only disappointment was that the east side of the park was closed. No penguins, Wild Arctic, No shark encounter or Manatees. It was a great night and I can't wait to see Missy today. I promised to take her back to see everything so that will be fun too. So yeah I hope everyone else had fun too and I will talk to you all later! Buh Bye!!! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: PM5K-Relax (Comment on this)
11:37 am	I actually wrote this a couple days ago....servers were down.. lol Hello again Eveyone! I'm back from the abyss. I actually wrote this a couple days ago but servers were down and stuff like that so I saved it then posted it today. The first thing I have to say is that I have a wonderful new grrlfriend! After all the sulking and feeling sorry for myself I finally found someone. We have so much in common and have been truthful with each other from the start (A very Good Thing!). She is very open and tells me whenever something is bothering her. She's a dancer and is really really cool (pardon the corniness.) We have been together since the 19th of September and I haven't been this happy in a long time. We go out and do stuff but we also have fun just staying in the house chilling on the computer or watching movies among other stuff. Today was great! We just stayed at her house and chilled and played on the computer. We watched anime music videos (some cool stuff). Downloaded songs and did couple stuff.(That darn perverted dog! lol) I even talked to Skippy today and it actually seemed like he was enjoying talking to me. We chilled a bit more and then I had to go home to get ready for work. Tomorrow we are all going to a preview night at my work. Jessica, her b/f, her brother and his g/f are going too. I think it will be fun, maybe even Cesar and Des will show up. Oh yeah, the Blink concert was totally great. Cesar did an excellent job of getting us down to the floor and totally kicked some guys ass. Some jerk slammed into Des and Cesar grabbed him by the shirt, lifted him up, threw him face down on the ground, and kicked that fool in the stomach. It was bad ass! I got a New Found shirt and stickers and a Blink shirt and stickers. It was totally fun. We are finally trying to get back to work on music. Cesar's mom keeps being all mean cuz' she hates that Cesar's becoming free from her so she doesn't let us practice right now. Jason is working on getting us a studio in Chula Vista where we can practice anytime of day. That would be cool. So yeah that's pretty much what's been up with me! I have a wonderful new grrl, a band that is finally getting some things straight, and I'm finally happy after a long time of sadness and confusion. I don't wanna say things are the best ever cuz when I do things usually go downhill so I will say things are good and just to my liking. Oh yeah my sweets got me Incubus tickets! Oh Yeah! Thank You Baby! Wooo Hooo! Bye evyonr 'till next time! :D :) :D (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 23rd, 2001
9:47 pm	la la la la la Why be concerned with things that you don't have control over? What good is it to worry when you never really know what is going to happen? Tommorrow's just another day away you'll find your way You'll be okay You just have to learn to let go When things get you down Should you look back? No! Turn your head around and take things one day at a time But plan ahead for mountains you have yet to climb. Current Mood: calm Current Music: homegrown & rxbandits (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 8th, 2001
12:55 am	The Middle hey don't write yourself off yet it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on just try your best try everything you can and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away hey you know they're all the same you know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in live right now just be yourself it doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else it just takes some time little girl, you're in the middle of the ride everything everything will be just fine everything everything will be all right do your best do everything you can don't you worry what thier bitter hearts are going to say (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:42 am	g'day Hi everyone. It's me. Man am I ever lonely. I went to see Rush Hour 2 by myself today. It was kinda nice because I saw it at my old theatre and saw my friends Manny, Chris, William, and Juan. I told them all my story if my accident. I went to go see if Es wanted to go, but I don't think she was home. It was around 830pm and it was kinda dark so I just assumed she wasn't home cause the lights weren't on. So I went back south. I think she's mad at me because I had just eaten on Saturday and I wasn't hungry when she invited me to dinner with her and the kids. It was a very nice gesture, I appreciate it very much. I think she's mad because we don't get to see each other a lot. I was gonna suggest hanging out after she ate but it seemed like she wanted to get off the phone, so I let her go. I didn't mean to upset her, I'm sorry if you are reading this Es <3 :) So yeah, I ended up going to TJ that night with (please don't hit me Es!) ummm Marcy and her friends. It was nice and a nice change from sitting by myself all week. Don't worry Es I was good. I saw Des there with Jenna, Kirsten, and some other girl I noticed from Madison. I danced with them and it was fun but then they went upstairs to the girls only section. The only bad thing that happened was I was dancing with some of Marcy's friends and some guy came up harrassing and getting all over one of the girls and she was freaking out so I cut in and when my back was turned the guy socked me as hard as he could and ran away. It didn't really hurt but I just thought it was stupid. So anyway, if Es wasn't mad at me before she's probably fuming right now. It's ok she still knows that I love her and won't get back together with Marcy so she should be alright. So yeah, I bought a new stereo for my car and then had the rest installed today. I love being able to hear my music with the windows rolled down. I was gonna call Es to see if she wanted to go to the movies but I thought that since she wasn't home (sorry if I assumed, I know you hate that) I wouldn't bother her at work or with Chris. So I called Cesar and he never retrned my call, the same with Omar. I have no friends to hang out with. They are all busy with work and significant others. I am pretty much the only single guy in my circle of friends. It kinda sucks, no love, appreciation, sex, someone who's always there or anything good like that but I do have my freedom......I guess thats good. I was listen ing to Dr. Dre's Chronic 2001 and remembered how it was when no one was together and we would all go out and party or just hang out, I miss those days. Now I have no one to hang out with. I have to go back to work tomorrow night and then work 4 days straight. I do have one thing to look foward to though, The Reel Big Fish/Goldfinger show I got tickets for me and Cesar on Friday. "I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me" Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Dr. Dre and Jimmy Eat World, wierd huh? (Comment on this)
Monday, July 30th, 2001
12:26 am	Just gonna feel sorry for myself......... Hey wait I always feel sorry for myself. Hey you know what as of now I don't know what to think of life. Is it good or does it suck. If you didn't read before I was in a big car accident and my car was totaled. For about a week I was really shaken up and kept on thinking on how I could have died and if I was meant to. The police said if he was a second later or me a second earlier I would have gotten crushed by the door and the steering column, injuring me badly or killing me. I am lonely, feeling sorry for my self, mostly depressed yet a tiny bit optimistic. I haven't felt this lonely for a long time. As a matter of fact since I was 17 in high school. All my friends have some one. Stephanie has Chris, Cesar has Desiree, Mimi has Eggy (and vice versa), and Omar has Sheema. I on the other hand am single and can't find some one to be with. Maybe it's because I am picky, or ugly, or mean, or stupid, or...well you get the idea. They all have someone to be with any time and I do not. You have no idea how much time I spend by myself or doing stuff alone. How many hours or my life wasted on watching MTV, playing video games, or just sitting by myself. Life hasn't been like this since I was superly depressed in high school. One highlight though that gave me some hope was a party one of Cesar's friends (David) had last weekend. It was fun and there were a lot of people there. I ended up talking to a girl Named Lauren, she was cute and very nice and seemed to enjoy talking to me. She said I was one of the nicest guys she ever met and seemed interested and then her friend came up and told her, "Don't you remember you have a boyfriend!?" She kinda stopped talking to me after that. It was a disappointment, but hey at least I think someone might have found me attractive. I don't quite get it, my past girlfriends and my friends say I'm cute yet no one wants to talk to me. I know I am the man (in the society kind of way) which means I shoukd be the one to talk to the girl, but I am not comfortable with it. I am deathly afrid of rejection or getting hurt. Anyone who knows me calls me the emotional one. I am always called that and it starts to grate. So what if I care and have emotions, aren't we all supposed to have them? So yeah, i got kinda drunk at the party (26 beers anyone?) and pissed off Aliyah and Charity (Cesars friends from work). I drove us both to his house,it was there that I finally decided I wasn't well enough to drive,so I stayed and he listen to me bitch about me being single and then put Bring It On to cheer me up. Then I passed out. I woke up and he was already at work. It was wierd just being there with his family but they are cool. For some reason the the clock in his room was an hour fast and I got scared and left right away to my house because I was supposed to go out and go car shopping with my pops. I got home and realized it was 9 instead of 10 and was a bit relieved. We went out and looked and I ended up buying a 2001 Hyundai Elantra. The sucky thing is my insurance has been increased by 80$ until they get all the information on the accident. Plus I still have to make payments on my wrecked car until they get more accident information. So that's 2 car payments and insurance a month. My insurance is lazy and keeps things dragging on. Not only that but I went out with pops toay to Fry's, Walmart, Best Buy, and Tweeter. I was looking into getting a new stereo for my car because pops said he would take my old stereo and get me a new one. So while we are at Tweeter he makes me look so dumb. He tells the sales man my whole story about tickets and accidents and this and that. He made me feel incredibly stupid. I already know I am, it just pissed me off that he told this guy I don't even know, about me and what I did. My freinds are all happy now. Chris make Stephanie always feel good, while I make her feel horrible for everything. I am glad she has had the endurance to put up with my shit and stay my friend. I totally broke down on her last night and she was there for me. I hate being alone, I don't wanna be alone. I would rather be in a messed up relationship(like all of mine have been)then not have one at all. I would rather get treated like shit then be alone for the rest of my life. I want to be desired, I want to be cool. I want to be wanted. But hey life doesn't go my way...when things get good they turn to shit...maybe even worse than before. I think I will go have a cigarette, a coke, and watch some tv. If any of you wanna do something give me a call. Thanks for listening to my never ending bitching and whining about life. It's probably not as bad as I think it is, but then again maybe I am selfish and want to look out for myself, I don't wanna get hurt anymore. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe love and happiness will finally come my way, until then though I will be here, sitting at home most likely or doing something by myself. I think I should go listen to some ska, the music of happiness. Even if they sang about your puppy dying it would make you happy, or maybe that's just me. G' Night. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 29th, 2001
11:18 pm	Some cool Haiku I got this from the novel Fight Club is Based on: A tiger can smile A snake will say it loves you Lies make us evil ok so yeah, buh bye (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 14th, 2001
5:02 pm	Hello, I'm Alive......at least i think I am... Yeah, well I'd just like everyone I know that I survived a near death experience today. I was on my way to pick Cesar up from ITT and some dumb guy didn't yield on his left turn and smashed into me. I was dazed and a bunch of people came to help me. Thanks to those that helped if you have LJ. Some guy helped me out of my car and sat me on the corner and kept me still. My arm is busted up but not broken. The other guy lied like crazy to the cop, but the evidence more than shows that he was at fault. I went with the tow truck guy to the dealership and dropped off my car. Went home called the insurance and layed around. Finally mustered up the arm strength to type and tell everyone. The guy that hit me didn't yield to his left turn and was trying to beat the yellow and smashed the front drivers side. The cop said if it would have been a second later I would have been pinned inside and probably hurt really bad. The guy wouldn't even look at me and he was more worried about his stupid dog than if I was hurt. I have had a semi-pinched nerve in my right arm that has been making my middle finger twitch sparratically until about 30 minutes ago. I guess I should be happy I'm alive or not layed out in the hospital. It just sucks that when things start going a little right in my life something comes and fucks it up. That's always how my life has been and that's the way I guess it will stay. Oh well just happy to be alive with all of you. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: i was listening to blink when i got wrecked (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 9th, 2001
8:55 pm	Searching..... A certain someone must be out there, waiting for a guy like me. A certain girl who will be my best friend, and think about me constantly. I'm searching for someone, who will always be with me. I'm searching for someone, girl I think of you constantly. Maybe it's you I hope it's you It's gotta be you. A certain someone must be saying I will meet my love someday. It's the same girl that I still dream of, and I don't even know her name. I'm searching for someone, who will always be with me. I'm searching for someone, girl I think of you constantly. Maybe it's you I hope it's you It's gotta be you. In my head I can see the shadows form before my eyes and In my head I can see love taking up a new disguise and In my head I can see myself alone without the truth and In my head I can also see my happiness in you- yeah. A certain someone must be out there, waiting for a guy like me. A certain girl who will be my best friend, and think about me constantly. I'm searching for someone, who will always be with me. I'm searching for someone, girl I think of you constantly. Maybe it's you I hope it's you It's gotta be you. Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: showoff-someone (2 Comments |Comment on this)