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Art--Spending a couple hours drawing Keiko reignited that burnt-out flame of my creativity, while simultaneously helping my cat trust me that much more. It is so refreshing to look into her fuzzy face and see her intelligent curiosity, her love and happiness of simply existing. She reminds me daily of how strong and fragile life and emotion are. And of course now is the best time to attack that twistie tie. Bare--Skin, feet, thoughts, it's all good. There's so much to feel and experience, and I can't wait to skinny dip in the cold rush of the river and dance in the thunderstorms. In the end it's nothing but memories, a series of nows that we need only experience now. Camping--Can't wait to do more of it. I still love hearing one world wake at dark and another world wake at 5am. Depression--We all have it, to one degree or another. Some hide from it, some use it as an excuse, some are pushed to the brink and accept it as just another thing that is and is not. Ears--Are for listening and being heard, feeling and being felt. Friends--Are not the same as when you last met them, but then you were never really apart. Goths--A similar wardrobe does not a friendship make. Save the drama for your momma and remember that it's the life in the face of death that makes it beautiful. Blue jeans or chains are not reasons to be condescending. (I must say a skirt showing 3/4 of a person's ass is disconcerting, though.) Heaven and Hell--Don't exist. Your God will not save you. Depending on the chemicals our hides are treated with at death, we decay slow or fast, back into the earth and each other. Deal with the now and the realization that your customized shoes and car will decay right along with the feet you used on them. Dust in the wind. If I had only--Is irrelevant. Judgements--Are never black and white, always wrong. Keep--Dispelling the illusion of possession. Loyalty--Is mutual. Mouths--Of screaming broodling children were gnawed off by lions thousands of years ago. Let natural selection again reign. In malls. Now--Are you going to keep denying yourself? Open--Your heart to ______. Penis--Where average is, for once, more satisfying. Questions--Are the answers. Hey, it worked for Socrates! Rubbing--Should have a broader following. So--What? Tell--Me without words. Use--Yourself, the only thing you have a right to. Value--Solitude. Work--You've been above it for so long that it looks comforting to return to. Clip your wings and realize that it closes in around you like some thick canopy of expectations devoid of value. X-rays--Are made to be proudly displayed on bedroom walls. You--Are/not. Z--End Izzy Beginning Izzy End.
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: Sheryl Crow - Strong Enough To Be My Man
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So here I am on the new laptop Theory...it's an HP w/a 15" screen, an Athlon XP running at 1.3 or 1.7, about 500 megs of DDR, DVD/CD-RW and a fresh Debian (for the moment) Linux install. The power management isn't quite up yet due to kernel reconfiguration, we need front ends for DVD and CD-RW capabilities, and the wireless card needs a driver, but otherwise it's yummy. Apparently everyone has had problems with the cult of HP laptops but eh, we'll see. So far, the only probs I've had are with KDE, but after a little root mounting it runs hot and pretty with music, messages and mmLJ. I like open boxes, haha. *EDIT* -- and XMMS dropped my jaw by decoding copy protection and playing an MP3 that came out as utter static after 15 seconds on Winamp, Windows Media Player and my iRiver MP3-CD Player. And people wonder why I love open source, rahr! ~A
Current Mood:  geeky
Current Music: Phil Vasser - Just Another Day In Paradise
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Let me know if you have some time between May 10 and May 30 where you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT come to my place in Massachusetts for an early 21st birthday/woodsy hiking/river swimming/Magic playing/flammable-things-burning gathering. If you don't let me know, it'll happen anyway but without ya. I'll be having a proper bar-hopping party on/around my 21st on June 3rd here in Arizona, so let me know about the dates you can't do anything for that one too. I must say that love songs in Spanish are extremely romantic. And in English. And Swahili. There are certain sounds that just evoke such emotion in me and I suppose the same is true for us all. Certain sounds, like the rattle of a snake, evoke completely different emotions, as do sounds of Bush being an asshole. Here is a story about Bush's attempts to circumvent the Endangered Species Act and fuck things up more than they already are, yay! On the topic of fish, I've been blowing through my books from the library and I'm starting in on one from Tony, curator of the ASU biological museum. I helped him and Peter, my TA, sort and label specimens of freshwater fish from Oklahoma to add to the collection. Tony should have some work for me this summer and all sorts of fun fishy things, I'm excited. I also want to seine in the river near my house when I get home and take a fish survey. I have to check with Game and Fish in MA before I attempt that as it may be illegal in some areas. I celebrated Beltane by running circles around a saguaro maypole...ok not really, but when I got home the Justin was quite snuggly with his blue streaked hair. And he cleaned the bathroom, woot! Finals week, argh!!! Time to go to sleep and get up early to write some papers.... ~A
Current Mood:  productive
Current Music: Echo Image - Skulk
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scute noun ('sküt, 'skyüt) New Latin scutum, from Latin, shield --an external bony or horny plate or large scale Embarking on the final trip of the season, we were driving along the road and the front van suddenly veered off the road and onto the shoulder. Randy, our respresentative from AZ Game and Fish, jumped out and then onto the back of the truck, which spun around and back down the road a bit. He jumped off and grabbed a snake that lunged at him and bit him four or five times. What a way to start the trip! 
Western Coachwhip SnakeAfter examining the non-venomous Western Coachwhip snake, we arrived at the first site and ventured out into the desert with fishing poles. Yes, with little string nooses on the end to noose little lizards. They are so skittish they won't let you near them, but they will let the pole and string. What fascinating little creatures...they displayed a variety of behaviors and were rather tough to catch, but I got at least three, including one of each of these. 
Zebra Tail Lizard
Side-Blotch Lizard (ours were in bright blue spots, breeding colors)We found a hairy scorpion in a crevice under a rock in the main wash. She looked ready to give birth and was about three inches long in the body plus three in the tail, about three inches wide in the pinchers and buff. Chris jumped right in and grabbed her by the stinger, it was nifty. Moving up the side of the ridge, we moved between some saguaros and as the third of my subgroup passed, the rattling began, where we had just stepped. We called for Randy and he identified it as a Western Diamondback rattlesnake, probably female, and she was pissed. More scared than pissed, though, so she mostly reared and rattled when we surrounded her then we let her go on her merry way back under the cactus. Rattlers don't always rattle before they strike, or even at all, nor do they always strike, so I was pretty pleased that she wasn't in the mood to bite. 
Western Diamondback RattlesnakeDarkness fell, and off we were road-riding, also known as driving slowly in the middle of the road looking for things alive or dead in the road or on the shoulder to examine. We ended up finding a couple tiny "sand-swimming" shovelnose snakes, which I helped to measure and sex later. 
Shovelnose Snake (pictured on a clock, hehe)We also found a patchnose snake to match one we found from ealier, and a variety of lizards and a bug halfway between a scorpion and a spider. 
Western Patchnose Snake
The other group caught a sidewinder and a Mojave rattlesnake. The next morning, we went looking again but had much less luck. There was another Western Coachwhip in the road, though, and this juvenile decided to climb up into the wheel. He came out when we moved it forward and bit a little but was quite adorable lunging at us when we released him. He had beautiful irridescent ventral scutes. Seeing such things makes me realize again and again what I study for.
Current Mood:  predatory
Current Music: Tatu - How Soon Is Now
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I began reading the Myth of Monogamy and so far I know most of it...putting the book aside, I went to wake up my monogamous partner and engage in some IPC (intrapair copulation) before going out for dinner...on the way to the bus stop men catcall out their windows, despite the fact that I have a man quite close to my person...it pisses me off. Justin took a cab and I walked to the bus stop, where a couple of men begin talking to me while looking pointedly at my tits and ass. "Yes, I am seeing someone. Yes, he treats me well. Yes, he knows he's lucky, as am I. No, I'm not going to be single anytime soon. Yes, I engage in threesomes. With women. My friends won't date you, they're lesbians. You're 25 and just graduated high school? Wow. No, he didn't have sex with her because we have HPV. You do too, I bet. --insert graphic explanation of disease here-- Bye!" Another guy came over and sat nearby and apologized to me for the other members of his gender, a virgin father via in vitro that was in the military and Iraq. It takes all kinds, damn. It pisses me off that the stupid people tend to have higher reproductive/evolutionary success. Or at least that's what it would seem by the broods I see at the malls/on the buses. Jesus Christ people, there is birth control out there...use it because no one wants your screaming broodlings running around in the women's clothing store when you just couldn't find a damn babysitter for the evening. Six is too many, got it? I am a discriminating female and I'm glad my mate is a discriminating male. It's funny how EPCs (extrapair copulations) lose their attractiveness when you have a person you're happy with. Despite my flirtatiousness with females, only two are genuinely attractive...Rose and Katt. Ah well, I have new lacy underwear and a liquid lift bra from Frederick's...damn are they comfy...so it's nearly bedtime. This weekend has tired me out. We spent Friday afternoon setting Sherman traps in four different climate zones: Sonoran desert, semi-desert grassland, chaparral and Ponderosa pine forest...we hiked up and down canyons, around cacti and rocky washes...eventually ending up at a poison ivy-carpeted campsite. Conversation around the campfire was good and the beasts (probably raccoons) around the tents were unobtrusive. I still tossed and turned, with cold feet, thinking of sleeping beside my warm Justin...woke up the next morning to break camp and check the traps. The hiking was good and we caught a variety of rodents. The kangaroo rats were cute and docile and one was brought back to be a pet/recipient of a blood typing. I had the distint pleasure of wrestling a wood rat...it's difficult to get a hold on them when they are trying to boite your fingers off and you have leather gloves on, but we got her...a lactating female with a bot fly larvae infestation, yummy. And here I was thinking they only infected horses. Anyway, we also caught a pocket mouse and had to deconstruct the trap to get it out, some peromyscus mice that could be the lucky carriers of hantavirus, and a chipmunk. Two of the women sighted a bobcat, which are highly reclusive. Plus, I got to ride with Elaine and talk about history, investing and of course, biology. I got crispy-burned on my shoulders, chest and face, hence the title of this post. I'm horribly behind on LJ (by 800 posts) so don't post anymore 'til I can read! I am on an incredibly slow computer now and won't have much time between my projects this week...and tomorrow I get to find out if we have to fight eviction...and hopefully I'll have some time and a cooperative Keiko to paint. Night all.... ~A
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had
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1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: "generalized schema of the possible pathways involved in such balance" 2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? speakers 3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? DVD: Identity, good stuff 4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: 9pm? 5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: Fuck 10:30 6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: Vertical Horizon on my MP3CD 7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing? around 7 when I walked with Justin to the bus 8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at? email 9: What are you wearing? blue jeans an a cami top 10: Did you dream last night? yeah, about Jill P. getting pissed at me for hanging out with Jay K., so I packed up a bunch of clothing 'cause I was staying at his place for a while, I stole yogurt also...there was a trip with Justin to Flagstaff, then Jen and Skip and an escape from a castle and rescuing a maine coon tabby kitten from a pack of wild yeti-goblins 11: When did you last laugh? with Justin today 12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: my spinal X-rays 13: Seen anything weird lately?: what do you think? 14: What do you think of this quiz?:amuses me 15: What is the last film you saw?: Identity 16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: components for a new computer 17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: I'm your father 18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: Balance the ecosystem with agriculture so we would no longer need to raise meat 19: Do you like to dance?: Life's a dance 20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?: Idiotic maniac 21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: something other than FUCK 21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: something other than FUCK 22: Would you ever consider living abroad?: I plan to
Current Mood:  okay
Current Music: Vertical Horizon - Miracle
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I burned my first and last processor a couple days ago through improper application of thermal grease. Today I took it back to Fry's and got a "highly unusual" even exchange. This one worked for a grand total of five seconds, through the post test, then cut all power and hasn't come through the post test since. Any ideas??? We tried different and new RAM, both motherboards are new and so is the power supply. The thermal grease was applied properly but we've done so much with this thing that I want to rip out someone's windpipe in frustration. I mean dammit it's a whole new computer!!!! In other news, I dropped the math class taught by Roger Cooper. DO NOT TAKE HIS CLASSES. I'll be taking it with another professor this summer, woot! I also applied for summer tutoring so I should be doing that 4-5 days a week and Justin and I will have the same days off, yay! Other than that, work and school are great and I can't wait for next paycheck, as this one is all gone. It looks to be a good week for plasma and bike riding, yay! I'm looking forward to getting back in shape. And I'm also looking forward to sex, which I am to have much of if I get home early enough tonight. I'm really not a nympho...I just have a really high sex drive and this whole mate and I on opposite schedule things sucks. I WANT DICK and only Justin is qualified to satisfy me. My Cave Creek trip was rescheduled and I'm glad I didn't get the rabies vaccine yet, as apparently some of it is tainted and they are doing a recall. The next trip is Saturday only, but I have to be on campus at 7:15 (SUCK). Because of the reschedule, I finished another book (three out of eleven to go!). I also have to pick up some books, whee! I took care of the neighbors' kids last night...fun but tiring for $10. Minx ran out the door and we locked it behind her. Adter constant meowing and vomiting all over, good riddance. I feel like crap so I'm going to grab a snack then head to bed. Here is a good rant on Bush by the not-my-brother Jared.And here is your daily humor courtesy of Photognome. Sorry, hon, I know how you feel! Night all.... ~A
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: ...silence, except my vagina and I are arguing...
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Audra/F/20/Gemini/Awa/Dark blonde hair/Grey blue eyes/right handed/shoe size 11 womens, haha! Born in MA, live in AZ now Keiko is my cat, Justin is my mate, I have the ear piercings but he has the tattoos because I don't yet Opinions: Religion?~ I have a greater than normal disgust for the mixing of it with science. As long as it stays out of science, my bedroom, and my laws, I'm fine with anyone finding their own personal Jesus. Oh and the Buddha's cuddly to me. Abortion?~ Universal birth control and elimination of the stigma surrounding sex would remove this problem. Education is the key and abstinence only is ridiculous. Abortions for the health of the mother and non-late-term are fine until the baby can survive outside the womb. Inter-Racial Relationships?~ If you love someone, that's your business only. Pre-marital sex?~ Try before you buy and know the facts. Your country's government?~ We need more good bush in it...meaning more women...'cause it really sucks right now under bad Bush. It should be more focused on science, learning and building community units rather than exploiting natural resources, taking away human rights, supporting ignorance (oops abstinence) only education, and supporting Israel. Same Sex Relationships?~ If you love someone, that's your business only. Plus, men and women are both quite sexy. Animal Rights?~ There is no need to cause deliberate suffering to other creatures. I don't support what animals have to go through to be on our plates or the damage the people that raise them do to the environment and thus don't eat them. I hate PETA because they are more concerned with making money instead of actual solutions to animal issues. My father and I hunt and I have little problem with my family eating the excess of a natural population because it improves the species. I do have a problem with hunting for only small parts, have nothing against leg-hold traps because they are padded and effective, and think that animals deserve respect and compassion but not voting rights. I have no problem with well-maintained zoos with injured animals or those in breeding/study programs but do have a problem with people that think wild animals should be fed on their back porches. It would also be more palatable for me if pets were given hormone contraceptive implants instead of surgery. If I was a cat, I'd hate to wake up and wonder where my balls were or feel a huge emptiness in my belly. Humans should also quit encroaching on the little natural habitat that remains and stupid people should STOP BREEDING FOR THE GOOD OF THE SPECIES. Equality?~ We know where it ends but it usually depends on where you start. We need to hold onto our guns to keep any semblance of it. Favorite: Show~ Internet biology articles Cartoon~ Zim and Saber Marionette J Band~ Delerium, Conjure one (yeah same people kinda), Poe (she was in 'em too, argh!) and Mindy McCready Song~ Delerium's Euphoria Animal~ leopards Food~ stir fry of many persuasions Sport~ aggressive inline Color~ dark blues, black, red, silver in that order Random: I like my muscles and I don't have a specific role model. I learn from everyone. I would describe myself as relaxed and serious and I consider depth of character beautiful. I don't really like celebrities. I am a beautiful and unique snowflake like everyone else. The most romantic moment is this one. My proudest moments are my most humble. Most embarassing? Don't remember. I smoke a hookah occasionally, drink whenever I want and thus infrequently, never do drugs save the ephedrine pill that night that put me to sleep, dammit.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Conjure One - Center of the Sun ('nother fave)
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For my femmes...or guys, if you had a vagina... What would your vagina say? What would it wear? What would it smell like? *** "Put the pedal to the metal baby..." Reflections of lightning. Musk *** ~A
Current Mood:  cheerful
Current Music: chit chat
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Lot 59It's like the cracked pavement stretched between us and how my heart was steady and I wasn't afraid of the words in red across it how two minds touched emptiness in the silent moment the only memory is the shape of his chin the line of his eyebrow the cracks in his jacket and I don't know why I cry except that I've forgotten his name *** I went to the Vagina Monologues for the first time tonight, and I must say...I miss moaning women. You all know I have rather little experience in women, but yeah, I've been looking at them more recently, and remembering the sounds. Of R, J, A, C and K...such beauty and pain, what wonderful sounds and sensations. We are living such different lives, but the thought of you makes me smile. My fear blinded me. Your father made me angry. My insecurity made me turn away. They interrupted us. They disapproved of us. We were attached. What a curious word, it implies that we were separate once. And no, this doesn't have anything to do with Justin, I am poly but I'm not stupid. There's no way I'm letting that man go. I love feeling his body warm against mine and slipping my arms around him out on the balcony. Soon he will surpass Andy in the only remaining way: time with me. Jen and I talked quite a bit, as she was over and we had a mall/underwear shopping trip and hung out in the hot tub. She has matured quite a bit, and I feel I have also. Enough to finally cut that little string that's been hanging around me and at times cutting off the circulation to my common sense and making me so fucking angry and ecstatic, that wonderful manic depressive thing rolled into such a beautiful immature folly. I am a woman. I am no princess. Pet em hotep, ta em hotep. I am the alexandrite Isis. I am ready for this. I wonder if it will make a difference. That's not my reason, and I am patient. But patience is not the answer here. Simple, brutal truth. Funny how you can be so united with a person and just watch them killing themselves from the inside out, see how you let yourself be hurt and used and abused, welcomed it even...and finally realize that to that person, you are simply a misdirection of one's own self-loathing and longing for unity of a shattered sense of self. But it doesn't hurt anymore, so I am ready. So I wait. *** I sit here listening to VNV Nation, thinking about how one of my beautiful little girls could be a victim of abuse from her mother. I think about how I once feared the violent aspects of my nature, didn't understand why I felt such rage. I have looked to the reasons, confronted the fear I had of repeating the psychological and physical abuse I have been survivor to. I feel such joy now, and I just hope that I am a good example to ones like this little girl. *** So I'm tired and my head hurts, but I feel really good. And a little better about my vagina, hehe. Mommals said that Noho had a fiasco about them performing it in high school, oo. Bring it on! *** Justin's coworkers commented the other day about how much older than his age Justin seems. That's one of those simple things that binds us together, it seems. We come from very different backgrounds, have very unique histories that nevertheless have so many sparks of contact. It is this experience and the ability to learn from each other that is such an important part. I can sit and watch the sunlight play on his face and the wind in his hair and just accept him in this moment and see all the facets of him where I reflect and refract...and like a ripple it just moves outward to encompass everything in my sight and all that enters my experience. And through this I am renewed, I am joyful, and I see no boundaries or separations. The engines power down. And I live the one, infinitely-faceted life. And I breathe myself in the air. I bleed the blood of generations. And I am at peace. *** What would you do in a world without violence? ~A
Current Mood:  indescribable
Current Music: VNV Nation - PTF 2012
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