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Mali It's Journal
Today I went shopping at Hollywood and Highland with my mom, dad, and Nic Nic (housekeeper). It was really fun! I went super crazy psycho shopping mode and just went hog wild... Well, not exactly.
I bought some shoes from Banana Republic that are super amazing. Brown suede sneakers. LOVE them. They look so Euro-fun. Also bought some gifts for my friends.
To be honest, I felt so 'rich' today when I went shopping. My dad literally paid for everything, my mom and I were doing all the shopping, and Nic Nic was holding all of our bags. Crazy. Doesn't that sound posh to you? Eh... shallow of me to mention that though.. ;)
Alright. TTYL.
Current mood:
happy.Current music: Macy Gray - Sweet Baby.
I am 32.5% British, just like
Madonna
Just as happy in LA or London. Aren't the narrow roads in the UK quaint.
Take the Brit Quiz at
www.darrenlondon.tripod.com/britquiz1.ht
Quiz written by Daz
daz71
Current mood:
amused.Current music: Alicia Keys - Mr. Man.
 | If I was a James Bond villain, I would be Auric Goldfinger. I enjoy golf, gold, and bisecting people with industrial lasers. I am played by Gert Fr?be in Goldfinger. Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test |
Current mood:
amused.Current music: India.Arie - Strength, Courage, and Wisdom.
I just really wanted to write in my journal tonight because I haven't written for an extremely long time. I think I also need the practice to type because I haven't been online at all either, and I don't exactly type so much unless I am online.
I am talking to one of my friends from grade school that I haven't talked to in literally a year. Right now we are seriously just 'discovering' so many things about each other. Where we go to school, what we do for money, etc etc. The thing is, he doesn't even know I am gay, and I know that he thought about that while we were growing up because he like seriously just asked me a few times. I also realize he definitely hasn't seen me since I've lost like 100 pounds! Good lord... crazy.
Tomorrow I have a final exam at 1030 am. I didn't even open a book. All quarter. Oh well. My bad!
Man. I haven't talked to this guy for over a year... I asked him what he plans on doing with his Communications major. He wants to do advertising. That's crazy because when we were kids, we always wanted to do the same things 'when we grow up'. All the time, we'd come up with the same ideas. And WHAT do I tell people I want to do when I graduate? I tell them marketing for the Gap. Crazy. Crazy I tell you.
I got fucked up on Saturday. FUCKED OVER. Seriously, I was fucked out of my mind.. ALL DAY... HIGH ALL DAY... ALL DAY LONG. I started at like 2 in the afternoon... I didn't have work or school or anything, so I just wanted to play all day. Anyways, started at 2... smoked again at like 430... met with Rishi and Aria at 6, got high again... went to eat dinner, window shopping at the University Center... went to Rishi's after dinner, got high again at 830ish... went to Johann's at 930, smoked a blunt, got SUPER fucked up, drank a Smirnoff, got buzzed... came home at 11... left to West Hollywood at 12... took some herbal STUFF and was GONE. I was gone all night. Walking around WeHo.. doing nothing... just in my own little world. Absolutely crazy... came home at 4am, didn't sleep til 5, woke up at 730... work at 9... CRACKED OUT... Can't believe I survived the day... whatever...
lots of ... yeah
Okay... I guess I look a lot different... apparently a year + can change a lot in someone. I hadn't seen Karen for like a few months to a year, and I saw her on Thanksgiving. I met up with 'the gang' and I approached Karen at the movie theatre because she was meeting me outside to go to the movie. She didn't recognize me. Crazy.
Alright... better go. ;)
Current mood:
high.Current music: Axus - You Make Me Feel Like (Peace & Love & Happiness).
I only have a few minutes to write this because I really need to do homework.
Ugh... I really don't have time to write... but at least this little entry lets me know that I am actually alive.
Current mood:
content.Current music: Janet Jackson - When I Think of You.
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Low |
| Antisocial: | Low |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | Moderate |
| Dependent: | Moderate |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Low |
-- Click Here To Take The Test -- | |
Current mood:
high.Current music: PM Dawn - Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.
So yeah... didn't do that much today.
I fixed my bong! Did I tell you what happened? No... I had like so many people one weekend, and we all smoked in my room, and jesus... the whole house smelled like pot, but luckily my roommates didn't care (so they say). It's not as bad as I say it is, it's just that some of it seeped out of my door to the living area, which traveled upstairs, which went into their rooms when they opened the door because of the movement of air. Yeah. So anyways, I guess while I was eating some food, one of the girls in my room was using the bong and apparently dropped it on the carpet, therefore spilling the bong water and cracking the stem of the bong where you insert the bowl. So, it was really hard pulling out the bowl from the chamber (I don't even know if I am using the right terminology... why? Becuase I am high), since it was cracked and broken. So little by little, the thing starts to break, but I still use the bong because Daniel just said to shove it in, and hell no am I going to waste my $200 bong for some crack on a usable bong. But... little by little, it started to crack more and more. So, finally I just broke off the remaining pieces that were left. Later, after discovering that the stem wasn't really ATTACHED to the bong, I took it out, moved the rubber insulation from the cracked end to the smooth end (which was inside the bong), and slide the stem back in the bong with the rubber insluation, using lotion as a lubricant. Now, it works just like new! The cracked edge is inside the bong, underwater. It's great! Yeah. Anyways. That was probably the ONE constructive thing I did all day.
I woke up to the noise of my cell phone. It was a damn text message. It was from my friend Christine. She was telling me how her sister is pregnant with ANOTHER child and how happy she is to see that her nephew will be getting a new sibling. I wrote back, congrats to your family. I really did not want to be woken up to that, but it's better than many alternatives. Anyways. A few minutes later, Armando calls me to tell me that he picked up the pot from last night. I gave him $150 to pick up some pot for me for this weekend and for my dad. So, I go to South Coast to pick it up at 2. After that? Nothing until 8 oclock at night. I didn't even shower until after 6:45. I swear. What a lazy day.
I went to Suhee's house tonight. Smoked there with Daniel and some random people. It was pretty fun for a while, but whatever. Her house gets boring, especially if I only went to see Raf before. His ex-girlfriend was there though. I thought it was funny to see her, especially since I talked to her about Raf and Marisa. God it's sick how they are together now. I was telling Reinny that.
Tomorrow I have to get up at 7am to go to Catalina Island with my commune group. I am not too super excited to go. I am not much of the camper... plus I heard that it may be raining when we go and that would just fucking SUCK becuase that would get me sicker than I already am. I hope I don't get too sick this weekend. I don't know. I am feeling really iffy about this whole thing right about now. Whatever then.
I just realized what I typed and I hope that everything will be fine because I would hate to look back on this entry in a couple days and think, "Boy, was I right" about being sick or worse. So... EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!!
I am listening to Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl right now. It's pretty cool. It's so... super old.... and classic... it will probably never go out of style. CLASSICS!!!
My playlist just plays music for me. I never really put in any CD's trying to achieve a certain mood. I just play whatever goes on my list. Sometimes I scroll for music that better fits my mood, but it could always change. I may go to another song and hear the beginning and all of a sudden think of something else. Different songs = different moods. Pretty intense.
Alright. I am gonna smoke a cigarette and then go to sleep.
Til later!
Current mood:
high.Current music: Daft Punk - One More Time.
Current Song: Madonna - Ray of Light
Not much of an eventful night in terms of gossip, but more of just sentimental value.
Lately, I have been feeling a little off balance. Maybe it's because I've been feeling uneasy about my life lately. I don't know what I want to do about school, and I don't know if I should be taking these lightly with my education. Work has been bothering me lately, and with Holiday coming up, it's not a good time to be questioning work. Also, I have a commune trip to go on this weekend, and I am feeling iffy about that. I don't even want to talk about my financial situation right now.
Current Music - Janet Jackson - Go Deep Remix
I just finished talking to Vanessa, Tram, Mary, and Priscilla upstairs. Priscilla was telling all of us this wonderful story about a boy she met. It was amazing. The whole story. Meeting him in a real world Pleasantville... intimate conversations... provacative e-mails. It seems so weird, but it's so 21st century if you think about it. I don't know. Listening to Priscilla really made me evaluate what I am doing in life.
I don't know what I want in relationships. I never go out of my way to pursue anyone, and I a reject any opportunity that comes my way. Why is that? Why am I so shy? Why can't I just DO it for once? Why can't I be secure with who I am? I don't know. Even right now, I am talking to some guy online from UCI that I don't know. It's crazy.
All I could do was listen to Priscilla talk. She was just talking about everything that I wanted to hear. She is such a great person to talk to. I was listening to her talk to me about gay guys, and tendencies among them. Just listening to her analyze the 'frat boys' and hypermasculinity really made me just even more hopeful on people. It's crazy, but whatever. I have to have some hope in my life. This just makes me wonder about Eric even more. I noticed some things about him that I just wanted to play off, but after hearing Priscilla, and after having her tell me to pay 'attention' to certain things, I really will.
I just read a comment from an anonymous user. It was regarding one of my old thinker entries. I swear. I think I know who it is, but I just want some confirmation on who the author is. Maybe I don't. Maybe if I don't know who wrote in my journal, I will continue to make my entries full of thought. Yeah. Maybe it's better that I don't know. Oh well. I like it better this way. You read me, and you comment when you like.
Alright then. I am getting out of here.
Current mood:
thoughtful.Current music: Baz Luhrmann - Young Hearts Run Free.
I haven't written in weeks probably. I have so much on my mind right now I just have to organize my thoughts.
Here's a letter I wrote to my grandfather. I want EVERYONE'S OPINION on what I should do. If you are reading this, I don't care who you are, give me your opinion on this ONE situation. Reply anonymously, I don't care! Just give me your thoughts...
-------------------------------
Dear Yeh Yeh,
I have something that I want to discuss with you. I am sort of in a dilemma right now, and I want your opinion on it.
Here are some things you need to know before I tell you the problem I have.
I have been taking a consistent 12 units per quarter since my freshman year. I have also taken 4 units of summer school year year. I have been taking the bare minimum of classes each quarter.
I have also been working consistently for the two years of college. First half of freshman year at AMC, and the last year and a half at the Gap. I work practically full time with the exceptions of a few slow weeks, holidays, and vacations.
If I want to graduate next year, I will have to take 16 units per quarter consistently, and 8 units of summer school this summer. That is 1/3 more of a work load during the school year and 1/2 more of a workload in the summer.
I am worried that if I try to graduate next year, I will do poorly at school since I will have less time. I DO want to continue working, as much as possible. I am almost certain that I already have my foot in the door to a corporate internship after I graduate, and I am positive that I will have a management position waiting for me if corporate doesn't pull through.
I also want to go to an internship program this upcoming summer from Gap. If I take the internship program, I will have to forfeit summer courses, and vice versa. I want to take this internship program, but I will also have to take the classes if I want to graduate.
If I take a fifth year, I feel that I will have more opportunities. I will be able to study abroad for a summer, possibly in Italy in a couple years. I will also be able to take the internship program at Gap. I will also be able to take on a management minor or major. I could also benefit from a lighter school work load and lighter stress. I feel that a fifth year would be extremely beneficial.
What would you do in my situation? I will still be getting financial aide for the fifth year, and I will be getting it consistently throughout the year. Should I take four years or five years?
Please help me. I want your advice. I also want you to be honest, and take into consideration my priorities, goals, and wishes.
Thank you!
--------------------
I didn't want to type that all over again... plus I am stoned, so I want to make this as efficient as possible!
For those of you who read this, please keep all of this information confidential. Don't tell people about me if you know who I am. Don't spread my personal thoughts and information to black mail me or anything. Cool? Cool.
I think some people are concerned that I smoke pot everyday. I'd love to give you my usual convincing argument, but I just won't because I will probably win the argument and you'd give in out of frustration due to length and content, or agree with full confidence. So get over it. There's not such thing as smoking too much pot. Get OVER IT.
I smoked last Tuesday with Hazele, Daniel, and Eric. It was great. It was SOOOO great. Eric is SOO hot and SOO cute! Oh my god... perfect everything. He is 3/4 filipino, 1/4 chinese, perfect complexion, gorgeous smile, to die for eyes, clean, perfect sense of style, wears NICE shoes, tanned, tall, small frame, and slender. I don't even know how better he can get! AND the fact that he's STRAIGHT is even better... well, the fact that he's super MASCULINE is what I mean, but yeah. So he's straight. Whatever. He's one of those 'just for shits and giggles' dreamer. My highlight of the evening was chatting with him one on one outside smoking a cigarette. Yeah... that's all. About him... yeah.
I miss my brother! He's all the way in the east coast and I don't get to see him. I know I didn't see him that much over here in California, but at least I knew I had the OPTION to see him if I needed to. And I know that he feels the same way... or at least I hope so. He's so great and I hope he succeeds in his aspirations. He deserves it.
Speaking of Kevin... I saw Jill at South Coast Plaza. She looked like she was just crying, but then she always has red eyes. Maybe she was stoned! She said she was shopping alone. It was really weird to see her. I felt so weird! I didn't think I would ever feel weird around seeing Jill again in person. I hadn't seen her since they broke up earlier this year! Dayam... I didn't know what to think.
I miss my Tita Myrna!
I saw Monsters Inc yesterday. SUPER funny. and I was SUPER STONED too. Oh my god. I can't even tell you how hilarious it was. I am going to buy it as soon as it goes on tape next YEAR! I swear it takes a year for these damn videos to come out.
Here's a joke that only I would get:
****************************************
Remember when you, Megan, and Martin were outside on your 15 the last night Jayson closed at South Coast? Megan was telling you about how she was going to say her favorite color was 'puce' during the 'introduce yourself, your specialist position if applicable, and your favorite color' icebreaker at the closing one minute. Then you were thinking, 'Puce... where did I hear that term before? I swear, when you hear a term that you don't know once, you start hearing it all over the place and you just have to find out what it means... I'll ask Megan.' Then you said to Megan, 'You know, I always hear words that are unfamiliar to me over and over again once they are introduced to me... do you remember...' and midsentence you remember Monsters Inc., and then you tell Megain, 'OH! Monsters Inc! Haha,' and then you thought, 'Megan went with me, Rodrigo, Daniel, and Liz last night to see Monsters Inc! DUH! That's why she said that color in the first place!' Then we looked at each other and both thought the exact same thing and started laughing hysterically while Martin looked on uncomfortably.
****************************************
Okay that's it! You can read again!
I swear Vanessa is smoking more and more pot every week. She's starting to smoke like once a week... Every weekend... soon it will be every single day in the weekend. Then it will stretch to thursdays, wednesdays, tuesdays, and mondays!!! YES!!! YES!!! THEN SHE WILL SMOKE WITH ME!!! YES!!!!!!
Okay then. I had a conversation with Martin. He was asking me the purpose of my tongue ring. Megan and I looked at each other, and I said, "There are a couple benefits," and Megan and I just looked at each other with the thought of 'sucking COCK'. Martin thought that too. That was the end of the conversation.
Well that was vulgar.
I think it's sort of embarassing when people talking to me about my journal entries. I'm like... "Uh... YEAH... I did say that... Uh... whatever... don't worry about it.... yeah, it was weird.... uh huh...." like I am supposed to comment on everything I write about myself. I'm not mad, but more like unprepared when I am questioned about my journal... yeah...
I am pretty fucked up right now. I am totally stoned. I just love this feeling. Although I look like shit, I love how this feels. Just soooo gone. Why do I like it? Because when you sleep it's amazing. Like just pure sleep for 8 or 9 hours. I love it. In fact... I should be sleeping soon... but after I smoke this cigarette.
I am trying to think of topics to write about right now. I was thinking this because I was smoking my cigarette thinking, okay finish. But I didn't want to finish because I didn't want to just smoke my cigarette for nothing. I don't want to just sit there and inhale EVERYTHING because then I'd get super fucked up and that's cool sometimes, but I was thinking it wasn't so necessary right now. So that's why I am typing now. The cigarette is for when I have writer's block. I was going to type how I it only took me 21 minutes to type all that I've typed. It's pretty yeah... yeah... hmmm...
The current song is D'Angelo - When We Get By. I was thinking how this reminds me of work and what particular image I am reminded of. I am thinking of how I am walking from the cashwrap to the stock room. I always remember that view, especially right next to women's. I love how my music reminds me of work. I love the Gap! I really do. I don't know what I would do without the Gap.
I love announcing when people get GapCards at work. It's so fun. People go crazy and they all look! I love it. I hope no one says anything bad about it because I may be told to stop doing it. I love doing it though.
Man. I am fucked.
Funny how this thing progesses so much as I go along.
Progessing meaning, how it changes in tone...
Kind of..
Maybe...
Now this looks like I am having a conversation with myself...
it is.
yeah.
yeah.
i know.
Okay... maybe that's enough..
but I really don't know what to say...
then smoke and think stupid!
okay.
I want to write to Muzac and give them some suggestions.
Bye!
Current mood:
high.Current music: Len - Steal My Sunshine.
But not that interesting. It's just blah things... Kind of.
Last night after work, we all went out to eat at Hard Rock in Fashion Island. It was Me, Daniel, Hazele, Liz, Megan, Hoa, Raf, and Marisa. It was quite fun. Hazele and I showed up super duper high, and Daniel came by later and we smoked him out in my car. Raf and Marisa are now dating, so it's quite a shocker for me. Oh yeah - apparently, Hoa, Marisa, Raf, and Megan, who were all sitting at the other half of the two tables we were sitting at, told the server that it was my birthday. SO, what did they do? The servers literally dragged my chair around the dining area, and made me stand on top of it, in the middle of the restaurant and shove ice cream down my face. It was the highlight of the evening... and I was super stoned. Later on, Megan went and danced with some guy that was dancing on a table in the restaurant... absolutely crazy. Later that night, we all went back to my apartment and me, Daniel, Liz, and Hazele got high again, while the rest of the crew just chilled and talked inside. We got so wasted. At like past 1, we were all just gone. All of us. Just sitting there. Couldn't do anything. Hazele and Daniel left shortly after our discovery of our state of being, and Liz stayed a while longer. I actually went to bed BEFORE she left, and she just locked the door on her way out. So, yeah... I felt bad for going to sleep. I did that the other day, and it was no problem, but this time I think she was weirded out by it. I'll have to call her and clarify.
Earlier before Hard Rock, there were like twenty Christians at my house. Mary had invited her 'Crusade' people over for a get together. It was crazy. All of them were just talking... about GOD. ALL OF THEM! I would walk by to go to my room, and I would hear chatter about God, and how great he is, how he helps, etc. I swear... I was super traumatized and culture shocked. You wouldn't believe it.
Friday night I went to Alhambra after work. I had to go meet up with Fred, Gene, Korin, Crystal, and Nick for Nick's birthday dinner which was on Tuesday. We went to Garden Cafe in Alhambra, while there is a perfectly good Garden Cafe located right in Rowland Heights, twenty minutes closer! I got there, of course completely stoned, and I had monopolized the conversation from the start. Everything that was going on, I had a say in it. It was quite fun, but at one point I just wanted to leave. Oh yeah, I ate squid there, and I got an allergic reaction because I think it was undercooked. I came home, got high with Daniel and Liz, and then what happens? I start to itch. I itch all over. I am itching from HEAD to TOE! It was absolutely horrible! I had no idea what to go, I just had to go to sleep because I thought that was the only thing I could do. I was super red. I took a shower before sleeping and I was a puffed and red. It was nasty. I felt so much better in the morning, but I only had four hours of sleep. Not too fun. Yeah? Yeah...
Thursday night was funny. I went home to see my mom on her brithday and all of her friends were there, and I was super high. I didn't know how to react with anyone. I was talking here and there, but not really keeping much of a conversation. My dad was high too. I totally knew. He was taking pictures and extremely social. I could not believe it. Kobe was SO hot!!! Jesus... I swear, he's in the closet. He was hanging with this boy the whole night, and I was like, "yeah, that other guy wearing all black and a turtleneck CAN'T be gay... whatever" It was super obvious and just ridiculous. Oh yeah. Mary smoked a cigarette!!! TWO!
Alright then...
Current mood:
amused.