It's like a disease   
01:15am 06/04/2004
 
mood: creative

I can't help it, my paper is hard and everyone else is doing it too.

 

 This does not mean I will jump off a bridge if everyone else did it. I'm not that stupid. )

 
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08:21pm 05/04/2004
  Last night was incredibly fun. Amy, Ana, Phuong all came to my apartment and we ordered sushi to go and watched Bend It Like Beckham.

Ana and Phuong are complete saps. They can't seem to appreciate anything else but romantic comedies. I'm serious, anyone who thinks Spider Man, X Men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are bad movies need to have their heads checked.

I hope they don't read this....oh well too late.

Amy's okay in my book when it comes to movies though. :p

Ran into Hong, her boyfriend and Linda at Bento's today and chatted for a good half hour. It was a boost to my day.

Okay....enough procrastination I guess.
 
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07:47pm 05/04/2004
  So what defines your boundaries of giving readers? What is too much and what is too little? Does blood run thicker?

There's nothing more important in life than being surrounded by people you love and that love you back, or at least like you decently enough.

I wonder why it takes me so long to get it?


I try to tell myself that my cousin is not a social person, that she's absorbed in her school work. But the thing is, she only calls me when she needs me to bring her food from Sarasota. She acts like I'm barely tolerable most of the time unless she has a favor to ask. That my grandma wants us to get along, and that she's still part family.

Then I think, this girl and her parents caused so many problems in my family that my parents slept apart and fought a few times every week for nearly three years. They caused so much drama that I became incredibly depressed through half of high school. The emotional damage they've caused to my mother is undeniable, not to mention all the money we spent in legal fees. So what the hell am I doing even bothering with her???

So this weekend, I told a white lie to my cousin when she asked for a favor. This is cause I had already had plans that had already been in place for several weeks and I didn't feel like explaining it to her. She became really upset and did the task for herself, probably at a great cost. I helped two friends out and gave them rides home though. What would you readers do? Is it more important to help friends who you know love you, or family even if they're iffy and probably are just using you?
 
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Financial Aid   
07:39pm 05/04/2004
  So I got my financial aid letter about three weeks ago and it said I had three grants total + one scholarship. I checked online and it was the exact same thing.
Then I looked on ISIS right now nad two of my grants are gone. What's up with that? They can't take my money away just like that!
 
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01:23pm 30/03/2004
  I woke up at 9:25 this morning after going to bed at four thirty in the morning studying. I was supposed to be in organic lab at 8:30.
I had a moment where I decided to drop organic lab. Then I realized I was completely crazy to have done all that god awful work and not get any credit for it. Besides, we don't even have a lab report due today so all I had to do was go in and continue my multistep synthesis.
I woke up Richard to make him drive me to school. Did my experiment blah blah blah, freaked out after I was done boiling my reaction because I thought I was running out of time. So instead of waiting for the product to cool down completely like I was supposed to, I let it cool to half the temperature and then started dumping in acids and bases.

Big mistake.

The reaction was supposed to crystallize in an ice bath. It didn't. So I scratched the glassware trying to get it to catalyze and form a solid. I adjusted the pH a little more. Nothing. Not even bits of powder. My TA and I stood there for an hour trying to get it to react. Finally he just told me to leave it in the ice bath until thursday and hopefully I'll have a solid then.

ACK!!! This is the first time any experiment of mine has gone completely wrong. I asked my TA what would happen if I didn't get a solid by thursday. He looked at me and grinned "No compound for next step. No results." Stupid French graduate students.

Got out of lab early despite that (which means that I had plenty of time!!). Started walking to class and was at the building when I realized I was at the wrong classroom. I was in the classroom for our thursday section. Ran back across campus. I was so unnerved by then I decided to ask our teacher for an extension on our papers due. It worked! I don't have to turn it in this week! Thank God! Now i might have a chance at passing these two exams.

Ok, I guess I should go back to class now.
 
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01:36am 30/03/2004
  Damn you Organic Chemistry!  
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04:22am 28/03/2004
  I'm having a hellish next week.
I'm debating on whether or not to go to bed now or to try to stay up and accomplish more. I'm panicking and demanding why I did not do more today.

I have tests monday wednesday friday. I have a paper due thursday. I have a quiz monday that requires hours of studying. I'm totally screwed.
 
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08:30pm 27/03/2004
  Ever have a day where you're like..where the heck did everyone go??
I think ti's just cause I'm procrastinating and no one else is.
 
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03:44pm 25/03/2004
  Hey kids, guess what?!
Today I'm supposed to be adding soft foods to my diet...such as strained broth with rice in it and oatmeal!

Well fuck a buncha that. I'm going to Denny's to get me a nice fat club sandwich, and make an attempt at getting a decent grade on my organic quiz tommorow.

Laters!
 
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08:10pm 24/03/2004
  I'm pretty effin depressed right now because I'm sick and everytime I try to do some homework I pretty much pass out instead. I've been really tired and lethargic all day, and I have like a quiz on friday, an organic lab tommorow, two tests and a paper due next week.

In case you're wondering, the infirmary's excuse notes mean nothing when you're pre med.

I hate feeling so useless, and I hate not having things done.

So yeah, I'm just sad now.
 
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06:13pm 23/03/2004
  Ok, so I gave in to the buffalo wing craving.
Nothing bad has happened to me yet, but just to stay on the safe side I'm sticking with the diet prescribed from now on.

But let me tell ya, this whole popsicles/7-up/apple juice/chicken broth diet isn't going to make me happy.

The jolly ranchers I'm permitted does wonders for my mood however.

And nobody will talk to me online dammit!
 
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02:24pm 23/03/2004
  I'm sick, like really sick. Like sick enough that the infirmary has told me to not go to classes for the rest of the week.

Like that's going to happen, you cannot be taking 17 credits and missing classes left and right.

I've been puking my brains out every time I've been eating lately. I've also been prescribed a diet clear carbonated beverages, clear broth, plain jello, and posicles. This is pretty shitty when you're sitting in the infirmary and the receptionist is eating buffalo wings. ME CRAVE BUFFALO WINGS.

Blegh, my body hurts.
 
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Oh to be with old friends   
02:43am 21/03/2004
 
mood: calm
I apologize for the incredibly hard to read post. The LJ client is being a bitch and won't let me type in paragraph format. Today while I was doing research at the dietetics lab on campus, I recieved a call from Karen informing me she was in town. Immediately, I had to urge to drive down to Sarasota and see her. So...I did. Why would I take that horrendous three hour road trip to Sarasota in the middle of my saturday afternoon only to go out to dinner with a girl I haven't seen in two and half years and rarely speak to on the phone just to drive back up the next day? I could hang out with my friends in gainesville, whom I adore. But, Friendship isn't about just seeing each other everyday. Nor is it about knowing every single little detail about each other's lives. It's about understanding the barest parts of each other's souls, that bit of us that will never change no matter how many layers we create to cover it up. It's about that special place in our hearts that we allot to certain people, despite the lack or abundance of their presence in our lives. Karen is one of those girls that I can talk to for hours on end, about the silliest and most serious things. We've both got our share of stories to tell, and our set of ears for listening. So we've both got our significant others, our silly little mundane lives, our awkward moments of wondering what the other person thinks of us. Underneath it all there's still a spark between us, a connection that makes me realize that the drive is worth it. I got to see Joe tonight. Heavens above I missed him. I do very much adore my girls in gainesville. Phuong, Ana and Amy totally make my day and I'm eternally grateful for that fact that someone will think of me when they want to hang out. I had a splitting headache tonight, and Karen gave me some Midol which was the only item she had available. So despite the lack of flow, I took it anyways. Bad idea, cause Midol has large amounts of caffeine + diuretic in it. Gr.
 
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06:05pm 19/03/2004
 
mood: sick
So the other day I sat down in chinese way early and no one was in class yet. So I DISCREETELY take out my birth control pills to take one. This kid walks in, sits down in front of me, turns around and stares. He says, "What are those?" I'm somewhat surprised, but not really embarrassed so I said, "What do you think they are?"
He just kinda stares at them for a moment and says, "Let me have one please?"
.....I stared, shocked and I pulled some altoids out of my backpack and offered those to him and said "These are less expensive, take a few more."
He seemed content.
I wanted to piss my pants laughing.
 
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02:13am 18/03/2004
  I was at chinese hour today, and my chinese literature professor was there.
She started speaking to me in chinese and eventually our conversation switched to english. She told me she thought I was very intelligent, and sharp. She said that if I ever needed a recommendation letter from her, she would love to write me one.
Then I proceeded to thank her and blather on about completely silly things until she probably regretted her offer.

I was happy anyhow.

I don't know what I want anymore...and I'm scared.
 
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11:05am 16/03/2004
  It rained last night and washed all the pollen into the sewer systems. Thank. Heaven. I've spent the past week tearing up and sneezing like you wouldn't believe as soon as I walked outside.  
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11:51pm 14/03/2004
  I just wonder when this will ever stop.
The testing the testing the testing.

When will I get the chance to be me again? When will the pressure somehow alleviate?

The tests. The tests. The tests.

I sit here, studying again. Want to enjoy this entire cd I just bought without interruption. Instead I have to go prove myself to a piece of paper to get what I want. I've never been adverse to hard work. I'm adverse to the lack of human contact to learn a profession that involves so much human contact. I'm adverse to spitting out mechanisms on a piece of paper.

Mom was really sick today. She still got up, went to the restuarant. Ran the restuarant anyhow.

William's teachers tell me what a huge improvement he's had this week I've been home.

I keep wondering why I'm sacrificing those I love.
 
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11:47pm 14/03/2004
  While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
while I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
well how can I say I'm alive

-Dido

So how can I say I'm alive?

I'm learning..step by step. I swear I am.
 
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12:36pm 14/03/2004
  I think I should make a living by mass producing vaginal discharge tupperware.

It's time to go back to gainesville, school and all. How depressing. I was grumpy during break cause I had to work all the time and didn't get any work done. Only to be depressed at going back and doing said work.
 
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03:41am 13/03/2004
  My allergies have pretty much led to me falling asleep at every possible opportunity I have cause my eyes are shot to hell. Which leads to Joe thinking I'm bored with him. Which leads to him being sad. Which leads to me wondering what's wrong with him. Which leads for a big long week of misunderstandings between the two of us.
At least we got it semi cleared up tonight.

Phuong called me tonight. Apparently we have a physics quiz..the monday we get back i.e. two days from now. We also have an organic quiz on wednesday. I also have a research paper topic/outline due as well as a small paper due soon. Freak. Out. Time.

Apologies to Britt for my bitchy comments, offense was not intended. I should learn to shut up more often.

Breaks are so anticlimatic. All I did this entire week was work.
 
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