Melissa's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Melissa [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I love the rain [05 Sep 2002|10:52pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Sublime-Santeria ] I'm soaked. We were at Seattle Espresso with Ryan and Chris and it was raining sooo hard. But it was awesome. Ryan has a nice car. The same car Andy has. I really don't have anything to say today, and I don't want to say what I did today. Although, I DID buy a Homer Simpson pez dispenser, and this cool tiki magnet for my locker. I took this test, and I don't like the results. I knew about the avoidant one, because that is what anxiety disorders fall under. Avoidant personality types. The other ones are scary though, if you click on the link and read about them. Well, goodnight. Disorder Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: Moderate Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: Very High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: High -- Click Here To Take The Test -- 3 tunes| sing me a song

Stop treating me like the fucking anti-christ [04 Sep 2002|10:05pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] [ music | Nerfherder-Diana (I have the drum part stuck in my head) ] Yes, I have resurrected it. I don't even know why I deleted it. I was just feeling like, I suppose the word would be shit. I didn't think anyone wanted to read about my dull life, and I lost the point of me writing in here. So, I figured, what's the point? Then I realized that this thing is somewhere for me to record my thoughts and feelings, and I suppose that if nothing else, it gives me something to do. I have decided that I will no longer write accounts of what I have done, but I will try to make constructive posts. All of em. I will consider this a fresh start. I think that we all need one of those every once in while. Lindsay and I had some fun "escapades" this evening. That is all I shall say on the matter. Ugh, I feel sick. I don't know what this is. I am just driving home, and BAM! I feel like I am going to pass out. I kinda freaked out, and had a minor anxiety attack about it. But I feel a little better now. I went and took my drug test today. We'll see how this goes. My parents said if anything shows up on it, I am grounded till I am 18. Yea, I know they're serious too. Better live this weekend up. Haha. Get the results Monday. Who wants to help me find something insane to do this weekend? I am talking full out craaazy. One last thought: DON'T DO DRUGS! 4 tunes| sing me a song

August 23rd [02 Sep 2002|10:18pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Headfirst-313 ] My parents are such dicks. Tonight we had a conversation about drugs. My parents now think I am a drug addict. So guess what I have to do next week? Drug test :-/ I am going to hang out with Andy tonight. I shouldn't, in luie of recent events, but I am. This is the 2nd drug test they have made me take. Help. 2 tunes| sing me a song

Who wants to hear my mad impression of Pauly Shore? [02 Sep 2002|04:47pm] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Guttermouth-Musical Monkey ] I feel the need for an update. Last night my family went out to dinner with my Grandpa. I don't enjoy spending time with him anymore. It is so depressing to see such bad alcoholism. Well, after that, went to Seattle Espresso. Yumm. We saw Ryan, and Zach, and Sisqo, and all sorts of people down there. And, David and Harper and some of their friends were coming out of Peter Piper. So, I got the new Headfirst cd. I told David that Raymond was my brother, and he was like, "Raymond is the shit." Uh...no, he's not. So we went into Peter Piper to play games and such, and the manager was uh...very forward the whole night. To all of us. It was cool that he gave us free tokens and candy and such, but it got a little old. So, after that, we were driving around, and we were like stopped at a red light. So these people drove up next to us, and told me to roll down the window. So, I did. So the girl in the passenger seat was like, "Do you guys wanna go to a party?" And I didn't really know what to say, so I said sure. They told us that it was at their apartment, and they were just going to get more alcohol, but we could follow them to the party. We said we had to go somewhere first, so they gave us directions. I had to be home in like 15 minutes, so I didn't really want to go, but everyone else convinced me. So we went to go look for it, but we couldn't find it, so we just went home, but we were going to go back. I can't get my car out of the garage without my parents hearing us, and we needed a ride. We asked Kevin, Mark, Jordan, Morgan, and Nate to drive us, but none of them felt like going. Oh well, it was probably for the better. I am not a fan of random parties anyway. I talked to Brian for 3 hours last night. Wow, I don't think I have ever had that particular conversation with anyone before, and it really helped me put some things in perspective. I made some good decisions for my life, and I feel a lot better now. I don't think he reads this, but thanks. Today, Lin and I spent a majority of the day working on our Kenya project. It sucked. Today is my dad's birthday. 48 years old. Well, next time, I promise, I will type something that isn't an account of my day. Oh, but I was perusing a magazine, and some sort of pop group was wearing converse. THEN, there was one of the fashion articles, and the style was punk. And then AGAIN, I cam across an article titled: "How to spice up those old converse all stars." It was how to make them more fashionable or some shit like that. Sick sick world. And, Colin got arrested! For smoking weed. When I heard that, that was so scary. He isn't going to jail, but he is getting a felony charge, and he has to go to court. But since he is 17, it is staying on his JV record, which is good news, since it gets sealed when he turns 18. I didn't think to ask if he got fired, since it was at Subway and such. I will leave you kids with this thought: Spanish television is wierd. 8 tunes| sing me a song

I feel like painting [01 Sep 2002|03:23pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Unwritten Law-Up All Night ] I don't want to be friends with some of the people I consider my "friends" right now, but I could never tell them that. I can't just ditch loyalties. sing me a song

Crayola! [01 Sep 2002|01:04am] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | AFI-Ny-Quill ] I want to design my own colors, but I am too lazy. 2 tunes| sing me a song

Banana ice cream is yummy [01 Sep 2002|12:26am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Nerfherder-Lamer than Lame ] Alright. The paragraph thing is working out for me so I think I shall stick to it. I have quite a bit to write about. Alright. Yesterday, after school, I went to the mall with Lindsay. We saw Sisqo there. He's nice. Then we left, and I went home, then over to Joy's house. I got to meet her boyfriend, Nick. He is cute. I am so happy for her. She deserves a great guy. I wish I had a guy like him. I always end up with the drug addicts. Alright, so after that, I went and got Lindsay, and we went to a kickback in the foothills. We only stayed for a sec, then Alex, Eric, Mike, and us went to Alex's house. We stayed there for a while, then we went and got Allison and Megan. Alright, my car seats 5, and there were already 7 of us. So we all went to Coldstone to see JP. Then we went to Eric's but he lives on like University and Dobson. Bleh. Now we had 9 people in the car. Then we were supposed to go to a party, but it got broken up, so we went to Wendy's. There were so many people there. Then everyone headed over to Hanger park, and that is when the chaos began. So Phil and Ben got in a huge fight. I am talking blood shed. So that gets broken up, and Matt decides to fight Jon, a guy 3 times his size. By the time they were through fighting, Matt was very bloody. Then the cops showed up so the 200 or so people sped off. Then we went back to Wendy's and hung out for a while. Eric is an alcoholic :-( That is so sad. He is only 16. I did not have fun last night. It was boring and there were so many people. It was just not something I really wanted to do. I like small groups better. Ok, so on to today. We had our study group this morning to work on the project for Trimble. 8am, bright and early. Yuck. After that, Lin and I went to the Madstone Theatres, and saw "The Good Girl." I thoroughly enjoyed it. It wasn't exactly what I expected, but it was a good movie. Then, we went to some party at this guy J.J.'s house. I don't know why I go to so many parties. They just don't appeal to me anymore. Last year, I would have been game, but a lot has changed. I just don't really see the point of going to parties, getting wasted and getting with people. I just know what that kind of a life can do to you. I feel so disatisfied with my life right now. I want something of it. I am just curious to see what else is out there. I guess the right word to use would be ennui. I need to get out of the rhythm(sp) of monotony. Sure it is great, always knowing what to expect, but it gets so boring. Well, I suppose I have bored everyone to tears, because I hate writing about my daily activities, but that's all I got to say. I want to change my colors, they've been purple for too long, but I don't know what to change them to. Perhaps, green? sing me a song

Who wants to help me kill Avril Lavigne? [29 Aug 2002|09:35pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Bob Marley-Three Little Birds ] I have so much to say, and I don't want to say any of it. I have decided to try this whole paragraph thing. Should be refreshing. I have so much on my mind lately. I have a billion thoughts swirling through my head right now, and I just can't make any sense of them. I am so confused with everything right now. I don't feel like my life is going anywhere. Like everything I do is for nothing. For no one. The one thing I was afraid of: going nowhere. Sometimes I even feel like my life is going backwards. I am not progressing, but degressing. If that is a word. Nothing is going realy great in my life right now. I am so burned out from school, and thinking. I guess it makes it better that I have blocked out all emotion from my life. Now if I could only eliminate thinking. I just feel so bad because I have been so blah lately. Blah towards everyone. I feel like I have not been any fun to be around. I have this sudden desire to be reckless again. I just want to fuck up my life, like the way it was when I was going out with Jordan. I want to be self-destructive. But that takes so much effort. Screwing up my life is just so satisfying.(sp) It makes me feel like I have paid myself back for my sins or something. Just like some people cut themselves, being self-destructive in more ways than one is my aphrodisiac. Yet somehow it is a cycle. Doing these things makes me feel guilty, so I just do it more, until my life spins out of control. For a while there, I thought I had everything under control. My life was simple, I didn't have anything to be anxious about. I was doing good things with my life and my time. And it all went downhill. It starts with one bad choice, and it just continues to spiral downhill. I just wish I cared. Maybe it would make all the difference if I cared again. Only problem is that I don't care enough to find out. I am too burned to continue writing on the matter. I went out with Andy last night. Bleh. Here is me screwing up again. Well, he wasn't drunk. I was so impressed. I could have been ok with just hanging out with him, but fuck. No we had to go and kiss. Again. Stupid. I don't know what is going on. Why did he do all this if he doesn't want to be with me. Nicole suggested that maybe he just wanted me as a fuck buddy or something like that, but I know he isn't like that. It is exactly like it was when we were going out, so what is going on? Fuck. I don't care. I never went to bed last night. I need sleep. On a more positive note. I am interested in seeing "The Good Girl" and I have not seen a movie in forever. I think I will go do that this weekend. 4 tunes| sing me a song

SCORE! [28 Aug 2002|10:16pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | The Simpsons ] sing me a song

"You never know who you'll meet" [28 Aug 2002|09:34pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | Nerfherder-Hailey Street ] I don't really have anything interesting to say other than an account of my day, so I suppose I shall talk of that. Today was an early release. Got out at 12:55. Megan, Allison, Bruno, Lindsay, and I went to Sonic. We hung around there and such and drove around, and then I had to drop Bruno off for swim practice. So, Megan, Allison, Lindsay, and I went to Seattle Espresso and got drinks and stuff. So Lindsay was leaning back in her chair, and she fell and spilled her coffee all over herself and it was hilarious. Well then, we went to Coldstone Creamery and got smoothies. Then we just drove around and I took Lindsay and Megan home, and went home. That is the extent of my day. Bleh, I have not had less than 5 hours of homework a day. That is so insane. Tommorow is picture day. I HATE picture day. My God, ME making effort. Wow, that is exciting. Someone take a picture. Oh haha, picture day. Well, so this doesn't get extremely boring, I am going to go shower and such. I am supposed to go hang out with Andy tonight. Should prove interesting. Oh, I want to go see that movie with James Franco. He is hot. Hehe. sing me a song

Say what?! [27 Aug 2002|04:01pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Ramones-I Wanna Sniff Glue ] So which letter of the alphabet matches YOUR personality, huh? 4 tunes| sing me a song

"Something breaks inside of you" [26 Aug 2002|09:14pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Operation Ivy-Jaded ] Andy called me again. Said he missed me. What the hell does that mean? No, seriously, what does it mean when someone breaks up with you, calls you and says they miss you? Well, fuck you Andy. I won't let you fuck with my feelings like this. Oh wait, I don't have feelings. He asked if I would like to go hang out with him. I told him I would call him back, but I didn't really feel well, so I probably wouldn't be able to go. He said alright, call him, and maybe tommorow night. Only problem is, I don't think I want to go hang out with him. Maybe if I thought he was capable of change, which I don't. sing me a song

Perfection through silence [26 Aug 2002|07:36pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Glassjaw-Hotel of the White Locust ] I need to lay off the cold pills. I hate how they make me feel. I feel so...I guess the word would be woozy. And out of it. Well, I have nothing interesting to write about, so I am going to discuss today's topic: The legalization of illegal substances, particularly weed. I am not for or against making weed legal. I don't think that anyone who doesn't do it now would start doing it if it were legal, and vice versa. It is the same thing as with drinking. The kids who don't do it underage, probably aren't really going to do it when it is legal. I just don't understand why weed is illegal. It impairs you no more than alcohol does, and that is legal. It is safer for you than cigarettes or alcohol. Less addictive. Have you ever heard of anyone dying from using weed? Sure, it kills brain cells, but so does drinking. Now, some may say that driving while weed is dangerous, but I have evidence to prove contrary. I read a psychology textbook about the effects of chemicals on the brain, and countless studies were done on the effects of weed and driving. They proved conclusively that weed does not impair your driving ability in any way, and in about half of the cases, the driving ability of the person tested, improved. The only point I can say against the legalization of weed is the idea of it being the "gateway drug." Yes, I will agree that generally people who have done weed, do in fact go on to try other drugs. But this makes no difference for the legalization. These people are going to go on to try other drugs anyway. I think that the economy could benefit from weed sales. If the government grew weed and sold it, they could benefit. It is one of the easiest plants to grow, and it is cheap. If the government sold weed, they could take the profits and make good use of it. There is a prop currently in Arizona to legalize it for all uses, and a prop in New Mexico to legalize weed for medicinal purposes. That is another plus of the legalization. Weed can be used as a pain killer for cancer or aids victims. Weed has proved to be better for you and less addictive than current painkillers, i.e. vicodin, perkiset, and morphine. If you have anything to add on the legalization of weed and even other drugs, I would like to hear your opinions as well. sing me a song

"And I don't need you to tell me what to be... FUCK YOU!" [25 Aug 2002|09:46pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Anti-Flag-Die for Your Government ] So I am sick. Bleh. I hate being sick. I have a stupid cold. The combination of no sleep and working with kids has taken its toll on me. But enough about that. I didn't get in trouble for breaking curfew last night, my parents were too drunk to realize what time it was. Ok. So my brother got arrested. I was waiting for this to happen. One of his friends got beat up, so he decided to defend him. Stupid. He got arrested for assault and battery, disorderly conduct, and I don't remember the other thing. He has a broken nose and a black eye, because he got hit with a bottle. He spent all of last night in jail, and I feel somewhat responsible because of something him and I discussed last night. He said they probably aren't going to charge him with anything, which is good. But what if he isn't so lucky next time? I am so afraid he is going to get arrested for something like drug possession or possession with intent to sell. That would ruin his whole entire life. I can't even imagine what it would do to my family. We aren't doing so good anyway. My parents are too self-absorbed in their work and decadent lifestyles to know anything that goes on in our lives. My sister is spiraling down a path of things I know will lead to trouble and my brother is a vicodin addict with all sorts of other problems. I won't even talk about me. I know there are families with far worse problems than my own, and I guess I feel bad about complaining, but I have always considered us a well rounded family until lately. I don't even want to know what could happen. Well, i need to go take some cold pills and try to sleep, otherwise I won't be able to get up in the morning. Bye. sing me a song

Quizzie [25 Aug 2002|01:29pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | afi ] Which Season are you? 6 tunes| sing me a song

It's getting hot in here [25 Aug 2002|12:39am] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | Dead Kennedys-Too Drunk to Fuck ] Woooow. So, Lindsay, Amanda, and I went and got coffee and talked to Zach, Tom, Christi, and Jesse for awhile. That was neat, I like new people. I talked to Shawn tonight. Worked some deals with him. Bleh. Stupid me. Well, after that, we headed over to Matt and Justin's house. Haha, yea right. Kickback? There were sooooooo many people there. We walked up and they fucking charged people to get in. Only 2 bucks but still. There were like these kids there trying to get in, and Justin was like, I need to see your id's. I'd say they were in 7th grade. They were trying to get into the party! There were way too many people. At sometimes, it was like being in a mosh pit. It was so incredibly hot too. Everyone was like soooo incredibly drunk. I called Bruno to see if she wanted to go, but she never called me back. This guy was like passed out. I am so surprised the cops didn't come. It was really really loud and crowded. It got so bad that Matt was kicking people out. He kicked out random people. It is going to suck to clean up after that. Everyone pretty much left after all the alcohol was gone. There were a few people left. It was Lindsay, Lance, Sarah, Catherine, JJ, and me, in the backyard. I felt bad because we left before Morgan came back, and I sort of promised him something. Some other time I guess. I felt so incredibly bad about not taking Amanda home. I told her I would take her, and I was going to. at about 11:50 I went to go get her to take her home, because I thought that was enough time, but Alex took her. I felt bad for ditching her, although I don't think she wanted to ride with me and such, which is understandable. But, on the way home, I thought I saw Vinay driving and he was soooooo drunk. No one should have let him drive. I don't like really crowded parties. I am so much more of a kickback person. I don't like large groups of people, and this definetly qualifies as a large group. And i can only think of about 4 people that were sober there. Amanda, Brian, Brian, and possibly Dan. He said hi to me, which was really wierd. And all these people that I have never met were like oh hey I know you. About 6 people did that to me. What is that? I don't think I have much else to say except that if I do not go to bed soon, I may pass out. 6 tunes| sing me a song

Bliss [24 Aug 2002|05:40pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | Rancid-Olympia, WA ] Time to write about yesterday's events. I have never overslept a single say in my whole entire life. My alarm decided it was going to screw me over and not go off. So miraculously, I woke up and looked at the clock, and it was 7:20! I like freaked out. I am so time conscientous, and I am always like early for everything. So I had like 5 minutes to get ready, and it sucked ass. So, after school, Lindsay and I got ready. We....uh....chilled before the movie premiere. Then we went and got subway and went to the movie thingy. The movie was good. It was shorter than I expected, but I got to like talk to friends and such. After the movie, we went and got ice cream at coldstone. Then Kyle called and said he was like having people over and such and we should come over. Originally, it was just supposed to be Jeff, Kyle, and Lindsay and me. It was at this house that Kyle was supposed to be house sitting. Haha...it was a hooka party. All I can say is one word: sheeshaw.(sp) So we pulled up and someone pulled up behind us. Mercedes got out of the car and was like, what are you guys doing here? It was C-Mus, Mercedes, Erika, and a couple of Erika's friends. So we all went into the backyard, and it was Kyle, Matt, Chuck, Leah, Laura, Jeff, and then all of us. Kyle was sort of pissed that C-Mus and Mercedes brought all those people. It was so wierd cuz I had this impression of Mercedes being straightedged, and she like whipped out a pipe and such. And apparently she said the same thing about me. So did Lizzy. So, C-Mus and all of them went home. Then some other guys showed up. It was Justin, Matt, Chris, and Aaron. Aaron is hot. Hehe. Then Morgan, Lizzy, Meghan, and Ariel came over. That was when there were way too many people. So they stayed for a while, and everyone left except for Leah, Kyle, Jeff, Lindsay, Meghan, Morgan and some guy. Meghan and that guy like went into the basement to fuck. Haha, no joke. We all just went over to Kyle's house and watched Half Baked and hung out. We finally went home sometime after 3am. It was like the best fucking night. Except, Lindsay like left two beers in my fridge, and my parents came home early. Not good. I think we are going to party tonight, so adios. sing me a song

Are you excited? [22 Aug 2002|10:36pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | The Rocky Horror Picture Show ] The next 2 discussion topics shall be: Walt Disney and his negativity towards maternal figures, and the legalization of illegal substances. You should wait in suspense! 5 tunes| sing me a song

children turn green [22 Aug 2002|09:41pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Guttermouth-Where Was I? ] Eh. I just finished reading Lin's journal, and it said a lot of things. Things I know are true, but I wish weren't. God, I feel like such a horrible person. A horrible friend. Why would anyone even want me as a friend? I feel so dissatisfied with myself. We have fucking part checks in choir tommorow. I get paired with someone else from all the other voice parts,(there are 6 of them) and I have to sing my part, BY MYSELF! Ack. Two incredibly insane things happened tonight. Neither of which I shall write about. But you shall simply know they were crazy. Tonight was more driving escapades with Lindsay and myself. I think she may have fucked up her car. She was making a U turn, and I don't think she realized that there was a curb there, and she sort of drove up over it. In a small car. No es bueno. I hate being a back seat driver. I am like so paranoid about other people driving now. Ever since I almost killed 4 people while driving, I am so frickin scared to drive with other people for fear that they will be as stupid as I am. But I feel bad, because I make Lin sound like such an awful driver. She isn't. She just drives recklessly. I used to as well. I think I like this guy. Maybe. I can't tell if I am liking him simply to get my mind off of Andy, or if I actually like him. I don't care. My parents are going out of town tommorow. Mad party at my house. Haha....no. There shall be no partying...at my house. Alright, so now I am getting around to today's topic. School dances. School dances are so incredibly stupid. There is so much emphasis on the whole having the perfect date, having the perfect dress. It is all for show. To try to outdo someone. I mean, I could understand if they were fun, but who wants to sit around for 4 hours at school, dancing? There is so much more fun to be had elsewhere. I served food at a homeless shelter tonight. It makes me feel good. It is my Thursday thing. But it is so sad. There are so many little kids. Babies. What is going to happen to them when they grow up? They have no chance, and all because of their stupid fucking parents. I think I had more to say, but I am boring. Later kiddies. 3 tunes| sing me a song

poems I wrote a while ago [21 Aug 2002|08:30pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | Guttermouth-I Have a Dream ] I am a little hesitant to post my BAD poetry. I am open to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Eventually I will post some of my song lyrics. *Torn* Broken dreams shattered hopes shards of glass blood pours out salty tears sting her cheeks torn skin scars unhealed made fresh again sorrow burns her heart pain sears her flesh soaking through her soul tainted, forever more *Midnight Pixylight* a coffee cup half-filled half-emptied? with addiction would you like some caffeine with that cream & sugar? cooling while smoke and ash Five-fifty please escape with shadows and cares scolding shadows of catholic plaid about him faint scars hidden among the folds of aquarian wings glittering stones decorate the soft glow of a tender heart a mere whisper can softly overwhelm mental whims are spilled just a bowl of soup please with a diction extra napkins, hold the drama sharing lives under our breath plop, plop, fizz, fizz and over the muttering of hungry patrons eyes that seduce with an endless enigma an embrace that can hold the world and make it disappear, leaving nothing but a sense of essence usually unusual normally abnormal lovingly off-beat 7 tunes| sing me a song

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]