Because I will one day sleep forever... [entries|friends|calendar] Mistress de Lioncourt [ website | The home of the B's ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Relief and MASE!! MASE MUTHA CKAS [02 Aug 2004|05:59pm] [ mood | content ] I was about to go crazy with my paranoia until Alvin called me. WHEEW! Such a sigh of relief. He went to the dentist today to get any silver fillings filled with porcelain. He asked me if I had fun on Friday and I said yes. He then told me he did too. Alvin: I touched a girl's butt at the club Me: I know you told me that night. Alvin: Oh yeah........... well she made me touch it. I couldn't help it. Me: I don't care! If I would have seen I probably would have touched it too! I wanted to dance with the girls. Alvin: nu uh? You should have. I wanted to dance with this one girl but I didn't know if you were going to start freaking out and be like, 'I want to go home RIGHT NOW!' Me: No. Because I wouldn't expect you to be like that if I wanted to dance with someone. Alvin: Oh. I just didn't know how you were going to act. I didn't want you to not talk to me ever again. Me: Because that would make you so distraught, wouldn't it? Alvin: What? Me: Me never talking to you again. Alvin: Maybe We're always on the same level, me and my sensitive Pisces. He told me that very night that he had touched someone's butt. He said he had to tell me because he felt guilty about it the entire night.I felt like a jerk when I ACCIDENTLY yelled at this cop. I was drunk and saw this really hot cop and he was looking at me. I was like, "Ooooooh, hey baby" and me and him were just smiling at eachother as we drove off. I didn't realize I had done it until Alvin said, "Oh I see how it is." I felt like such an ASS! I didn't even know what to say except, "I was just kidding, it was this old man cop and I didn't want him to give you a ticket." I always do that when I'm with my girls, but I forgot I was with a guy, you know, one I LIKE. Then his mom had to come in and ruin our call. -=mom says something=- Alvin: Don't talk to me, I have a headache -=laughs uncontrollably=- Me: Is that your mom? Alvin: -=laughs=- Yeah. LEAVE ME ALOOOONE Mom: Yeah, why are you talking to him, he has a headache!? Alvin: I know! -=laughing=- Me: What are you talking about? YOU called ME!! Alvin: Quit making up stories. Me: I'm not! Alvin: -=laughs=- I'll call you back later. I'm glad HE thinks it's so funny.UGH! What's wrong with his mom!? Why doesn't she like me!??!?! DAMNIT. What is he telling her!? Anyways........ Omg I'm so excited that Mase is making music again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -=goes crazy=- I used to be in LOVE with Mase. He was my absolute fav and I thought he was just the sexiest thing with that gorgeous smile of his. I was distraught when I had heard he was no longer going to be making music, but after a 5 year absence he's back and just as great as he was before he left - if not better!! I love Breathe Stop Shake!!!! MASE <3 WHOOOOOOO and the Lean Back remix , even though I don't care for the original, and the remix has Eminem, I like it cuz it Mase is on it. WHOOO! MASE! I said my niggaz don't dance- we just pull up our pants and do the Roca way... now lean back... Quote of the day: While playing video games with my niece Angelica: How are those 3000 points working out for you? Me: Good. How are those 750 points working out for YOU? Angelica: I'm so mad, I just want to say a cuss word!!! Me: -=laughs=- Angelica: Too bad I'm only 9.   Even if I die...

[02 Aug 2004|02:50pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Kevin Lyttle /// Turn Me On (mine and Alvin's fav song) ] I haven't really talked to Alvin since he brought me home on Saturday. I talked to him for 2 minutes at the most that day, and then he called me at 2 am to hang out since he was on his way home from SF, but I was already laying down for bed and I haven't talked to him since . It was okay yesterday - I didn't really feel like doing much of anything. A gloomy Sunday can do that to a person. I did expect a call though - he did say he was going to call me. I wasn't really too stressed about what he was out doing because I thought he'd call that night or atleast this morning. Still no word. And it's starting to bother me. I even called his cell phone yesterday and he didn't call back. I wasn't playing the power trip role of, "I'm not going to be the first to call you." -=sigh=-Even though I'm not his girlfriend, I can't help but wonder what he's doing, and I don't want to call him because if he's out with someone, I don't want to know, and I'm tired of having conversations with his voice mail. I've been thinking more about the metrosexual thing and how a bunch of girls dislike him for that reason. It makes me question if he really does like me, or if he's just using me to better his own personal image. He's picky about the places I want to work and says, "I don't want to tell my friends, 'Yeah my girlfriend works at Toys R Us.' I mean.... when I take you off of probation that is. You're still on probation." And I used to think that he bought me clothes because he was just being nice, but I think it's because he wants to be seen with me wearing those certain outfits because it makes him look good, do you know what I mean? Ugh. I dunno. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but other the other hand maybe I'm just being blinded by the beauty. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Last night I was very thirsty, and even though I knew I shouldn't have be doing it while I was doing it, I drank 4 heaping glasses of milk. It had been a while since I just sat down and drank milk without the worries of the aftermath, but I drank 4 glasses and continued to crave the rest of the gallon. I'm lactose-intolerant and usually take pills before consuming dairy products. I just miss sitting down and being able to eat a bowl of cereal whenever I please. Now I have to think, "Okay, what am I doing today? I can't eat cereal because I have to go out, and the milk will just make me bloated and give me serious cramps." It just sucks having to think that much about something that used to be so normal. I woke up this morning to some of the worst cramps ever. I just kept rolling over in my bed in pain wishing for death - or something not so extreme- just to throw up. I'm okay now though. 6 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Metrosexuality [01 Aug 2004|05:09pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Watching Travel ch. ] Haha. Alvin had gone to the doctors where he saw a girl from high school. They got to talking and he said, "Yeah a lot of girls from that school don't like me and they STILL talk shit about me. I'm like, what the hell? You're still paying THAT much attention to me?" And she looked at him and said, "That's because you're a metrosexual." ROFL! He is!! That's EXACTLY what Alvin is! A Metrosexual! Why didn't that word roll off my tongue before!? metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere. —Mark Simpson, "Meet the metrosexual," Salon.com, July 22, 2002 Here's the sketch I did of Alvin's car vs my car. 2 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Funnies with Ken...and sketching [31 Jul 2004|09:41pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Watching something on Discovery ] Lordbacon: 1 of our laudrys is right next to a whore house Lordbacon: best thing Lordbacon: get to see all the little sluts Lordbacon: lol Me: LMAO Me: do you ever buy any ? Lordbacon: only for the all nighters Lordbacon: when the boss leaves, there's a quickie in the back Lordbacon:: sweatin like lava with the dryers going Lordbacon: thats a joke of course Lordbacon: i would never Me: LMAO! Lordbacon: lol Lordbacon: im so sure im gonna go let one of those sluts take my virginity Me: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me: ahaahahhahahahahahahahahaha Me: and then not even take time to make you breakfast the next morning Me: and will they ever call?! Lordbacon: only if you have the 20 bucks then they will call Lordbacon: sheesh all i would have wanted was a biscuit and they cant even make me that for breakfast Lordbacon: my 1st blowjob all i got was a raw egg and kicked out Lordbacon: i went home and prepared eggs benedict ------------------------------------ Me: the thing that you use to shift gears Me: like if you were to drive a stick Lordbacon: i dont drive stick shifts makes me feel like a homo Lordbacon: thats why you shouldnt smoke after staying up all night you start saying shit like that Me: LMAO Me: I wanna know what its called Lordbacon: i think its just called a stick shift? Me: smart Lordbacon: appreciate it! Lordbacon: who cares what its called Lordbacon: you'll never have you use one in your lifetime Me: LMAO!! Lordbacon: you wont. my dad told me that when i was 3 Me: roflmao! Me: why though Lordbacon: just a manly thing Lordbacon: bonding Lordbacon: male bonding its a beautiful thing ------------------------------------ Me: Nothing. Juss got home from my night Lordbacon: wow pretty late Lordbacon: settle down party animal Me: I turned into party boy last night Me: and when I turn into party boy it's all bad for everyone Me: Im the one who wants to stay up while everyone wants to pass out Me: Im the one who tries to keep everyone awake for as long as possible or until I'm tired, then they can sleep Lordbacon: nobody likes that person Me: I know Me: I'm such a disliked drunk Me: I get all hyper Lordbacon: sounds like it Lordbacon: what kind of sick fuck stays up this late? Lordbacon: i just woke up Lordbacon: sometimes i worry about you sha Lordbacon: that one day they are gonna find your body in the gutter ---- Right now I'm sketching a drawing for Alvin. It's called, "The GT Mustang vs The Geo P-rizm LS1." It's so funny looking. I drew his car - well.... actually it's a cartoonish horse with a mean expression on it's face and instead of having legs it has tires. And then the Prism is a bucket with snails along the side of it. It's pretty funny, I'll scan it when I finish.   Even if I die...

Party night [31 Jul 2004|01:41pm] [ mood | high ] Last night I went to the club with Alvin. Is it conceited to say that we were the best looking and sharpest dressed in the entire place? Is it cocky to say that we were the envy of the others?... perhaps, but it's true. Well I was drunk. We had drank before going in. Bacardi Ras and cranberry juice. Alvin made a very strong drink which consisted of 3 parts alcohol and 1 part juice. He told me to use the other bottle as a chaser cuz the was to strong for me. I guzzled the drink like I had never drank before and just looked at him without so much as a twitch in my eye. He just looked at me shocked. I did too much though. I got drunk before we were even in the place and honestly I can't even remember anything but dancing my ass off from the moment we got in until the moment we left. Nobody was dancing when we got in, but me and Alvin went to the front center stage and danced like we were the only people in there. I could never do that sober. I'd be whining about how nobody was dancing yet, too shy to even move. But Alvin does something for me that makes me feel comfortable. When Alvin picked me up, I payed more attention to the video games in his car than him. I started to play Tekken Tag on the playstation in his car, and I don't remember looking up at him one time. I could just see him out of the corner of my eye shaking his head as I over did my victory brags and had several emotional outburst. A good video game is the only thing I like as much as boys. And it's been proven that I can even pass up boys for a video game - even Alvin. After the club we went to my brother's house and hung out. My brother was still awake and partying because my cousin was over. My brother is very funny and my cousin is exxtrreeeeemely funny, so when they get together it's uncontrollable side splitting laughter for everyone. I am so glad that they got along with Alvin and Alvin with them. I've never seen Alvin laugh so much. He was holding his sides with me. We spent the night in my niece's bed at my brother's. Alvin was worn out by 2 but I had him up until 6 am with my brother and cousin, and then an hour of alone time with me, which I used to my advantage because I knew he was tired as hell. I wouldn't stop messing with him. I kept poking him and touching him and he was trying his hardest to keep a the smile off of his face when he said, "Baby, please leave me alone." It was the sexiest thing sleeping with him - not sexually- there was none of that. Just sleeping next to him was comforting. There's nothing more comforting than sleeping next to someone you're most attracted to on every possible level and you feel safe and protected by. Ahh. 1 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Cruel cruel joke -=growl=- [30 Jul 2004|12:12am] [ mood | tired ] I got an email from Alvin saying he was at the dentist and to call him once I got the email. So I called his cell phone.. A little kid answered. Me: Hi is Alvin there? Kid: Umm...... -=silence=- Me: Do I have the wrong number. Kid: No. Me: So is he around? Kid: No he's not here. He's at his girlfriend's house. Me: oh... okay. Thank you! Bye -=hangs up=- I was FURIOUS. I thought.. this has to be a joke. A child wouldn't answer his cell phone and inform me that he was he was a girlfriend's house. He was obviously playing games, but why?! I got a call right afterwards, I figured it was Alvin saying it was a joke. But no, it was my niece. Niece: Hi Auntie Sha. Me: Hey. Niece: We're coming over today Me: Oh cool. Niece: Have you talked to Alvin lately? Me: .... yeah. Niece:Oh. Have you guys hung out? Me: I don't want to talk about it, i'll see you when you get here. -=voice in bg=- 'Angelica! Give me the phone!' Charlynn: Have you talked to Alvin lately? Me: I'll talk to you when you get here. Charlynn: Can't you even recognize your niece's voice!? Me: Huh? Charlynn: You picked up the phone right as you were making a call. I heard you and I told Angelica to tell you that Alvin was at his girlfriend's house. And then I called right back before you started to flip out. AHHH! SUCH A BLOODY RELIEF!!!!!!!! -=pounds head on desk=- I didn't need that!!! ... I guess it was sorta funny though. -=scoff=- Tomorrow is club night. whoooo! 1 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH THAT'S SO EMBARRASSING [29 Jul 2004|12:48am] [ mood | embarrassed ] Alvin called me up and wanted to go out to eat. I wasn't hungry but I wanted to be with him, so I said yes to his food offer and he was at my house within five minutes. So we drive around this and that, went to Berkeley, but we didn't end up getting any food because he's so damn picky and it was late and nothing was open except Asian food places. Anyways.... We end up in a parking lot. I dunno what we're doing there, but we're there. He said he wanted to do donuts. I just looked at him funny and he didn't end up doing them. So we go to leave and we're waiting at a signal light. We're sitting there looking gorgeous - him in some black pin stripped pants and a tight fitted dress up shirt with the first 2 buttons undone to accent his sculpted chest and a black leather jacket. I was wearing my new ruffly layered pink skirt with my new ruffy layered black tank top. We were both wearing matching pairs of sunglasses - mind you it was 11 o'clock at night. He had the best car on the street and we were both looking good sitting in it with the top down. Then that song comes on - the one that goes, "Choke me, spank me, pull my hair!" And I love that song, so I start dancing and I tell Alvin to smack my thigh.I don't see any cars around so why not be playful? "Now!?" he says. And I yell, "YES!" So he just kinda sighs and says, "Okaaaaaay!" and does it. Next thing I know he has this huge smile on his face and he keeps smacking my thigh. I'm sitting there belting the song out as he's doing it. Then I look over to the side of us. There ended up being a car on the side of us that I never saw. Not only that, but there were two black guys with a cam corder dancing along with the song and video taping the entire thing while hanging out the window to get as close as possible!! How did I NOT notice a car pull up THAT close!??!?! I just looked at em and was like, "Oh my God!" and covered my face and ducked down some. We figured their first intentions were out to record Alvin's car, so Alvin peeled off fast in order for them to have something else on the camera. You know, something else besides me getting SPANKED! LOL that's so embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well... atleast we looked damn good. Quotes of the night: " you're gonna be on the next girls gone wild with shaquille o neal"~Ken -=man walks by=- Man: -=stares at Alvin's car=- WOW!!!!...... That is GORGEOUS! Alvin: Thank you. Me: -=joking=-Thanks!!! Alvin: -=quick glance back=- wait, the girl, or the car?!!!! 5 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

[28 Jul 2004|08:14pm] [ mood | discontent ] Alvin didn't call me today and I'd be damned if I called him. I'm taking a new approach - he's had too many of my feelings and emotions handed to him instead of working to figure them out. I don't call him anymore. Not because I don't like him - that's not the case at all, I just don't want him to think that I sit around and wait on his calls... even though I sometimes do XD. So today he calls me up after all of these thoughts go swarming through my mind, "Now that he has his car back, he's out picking up on girls and forgot about me!!!!" My paranoia will be the cause of my downfall - not Alvin. So anyways, he calls me today around 6, and the first thing he says is, "Why haven't you called me!??!?!?" Me: I dunno. I just figured you were out. Alvin: I DO have a cell phone. Me: Yeah, and I know how you are about answering it. Alvin: -=gets mad and starts stuttering=- Oh be quiet! I'm coming over! ^_^ Worked. Got 'em! Last night I smoked with David and his friend J-boo (damn project kids) They offered to let me smoke with them if they could roll in my garage. I told them they couldn't because my dad was going to pull up any minute, and I said I'd drive them around while they rolled. So we parked and smoked. Last time I'll ever smoke - especially with project kids! I think that shit was laced. I was so high I was twitching on my couch and I couldn't see or focus on a damn thing. My sister was freaking out as I just lay there enjoying my belligerently stoned self. I woke up this morning and my eyes were swollen and red. That was the end, alright. Today I went and picked up some money and went to the mall to buy a shirt to go with the skirt that Alvin had bought me. I found the perfect black ruffled tank top that goes perfect, so me and Alvin are going to a club on Friday night -=throws hands in the air=- WEEEE!! He came to see me right now. I'm actually more upset now that he came to see me than I was before he came. I'm just sad cuz he was only here for a short lil bit and we didn't get to talk much. He was in a rush to get home to type up his resume for his new job. He got hired around the corner from his house to be a personal trainer and physical therapy assistant. He said that they're actually looking for a front desk person! THAT COULD BE ME! I'm going to talk to him tonight about going down there tomorrow to apply for the job. Quote of the day: While talking about seeing The Village Alvin: I don't even know what it's about, do YOU know what it's about? Me: Of course I know what it's about. That's why I want to see it. Alvin: Then what is it about? Me:Have you ever seen La Bamba? Alvin: No. Me: You haven't!??! You've NEVER seen La Bamba!!??!!? Alvin: No I haven't. What's it about? Me: Well, it's nothing like La Bamba. 1 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Good days [27 Jul 2004|11:38am] [ mood | awake ] Yesterday I woke up early because I had plans to go out with Alvin and take care of some things. He has his Mustang back and we planned on going job searching and then to my mom's to pick up some belongings that I needed for my new room. We went to the court house so he could see how much he owed in traffic tickets. He owes close to 2000 dollars and he had just payed off 6 tickets for about that much. I don't know how he does it. If I were to get tickets like that I wouldn't even want to drive anymore, but he doesn't care. He loves to race. Then we went to the mall. He bought me this cute pink skirt from Macy*s that I simply love and adore. It's a bit short and I don't think I'll wear it out much, but it's nice for the club that we're going to on Friday after the Giants game that we're scheduled to attend that night. After that he took me out to lunch at the Elephant Bar and we discussed jobs and places I should work. He wants me to work at Hooters! Wtf. Yeah that's somewhere I wanna tell my family I'm employed, "So where do you work, honey?" "Grandma, I work at Hooters." Ehhh.. no! We're still trying to think of places, and I really want to do secretary work somewhere, it's just a matter of finding a place. I think I should go to Nelson (a temp job agency) and have them find me something. We then went to Moeko's so I could pick up my Kimono and a few pictures. Moeko just stared at him in awe and just kept looking at me and smiling as if to say, "Wow!" yes... very wow. ^_^ It was good to see her. It's the first time I've seen her since coming back from Japan, and she's just as sweet as ever and we made plans to hang out before she leaves to New York. From there we went to my Mom's house. He was hungry again when we got there, so we drove to the burrito shop down the street and had a second lunch. I didn't eat because I was still full, but I shared his burrito with him because I love me a burrito (favourite food!). We had dinner at my house about 2 hours later and did my brothers bday cake thing and went back towards home to my dad's. He helped me unload all my things and then we sat in my garage and hung out for a few hours. I started to see a new side of him. I could tell he was growing more comfortable around me and started to make a whole bunch of jokes and I was laughing to the point of tears. He was saying the funniest things and acting like such a dork. He said that he could only act like that around people he felt comfortable around and that he had forgotten that a lot of times I like to act like a dork so it's okay for him to act like one too. He was drawing pictures of his car in my notebook and making little comments about it. The comments were what had me laughing, and my laughter blended with his was music to my ears. He called me as soon as he got home from being with me. We talked about some things and then he told me, "You're smarter than I thought you were." I just asked him what made him realize that. He's just like, "It was just something you said, I'm not going to tell you, but after you said it I was just like, 'Wow... this girl IS smart.' " He started saying some more things that got me a bit confused - you know how he just loves to confuse the hell out of me. And I've come to a realization that I'm not going to doubt because EVERY realization I've ever had with him has always turned out to be the truth. In all honesty I think he really really likes me. And that scares him because it's so fast. I think he is fascinated by the way I am, and even though he doesn't necessarily like some things about me (my love for Japanese culture for ex.)... he tolerates it and it's opening his eyes to new things and new people and their likes. So he tries to tell me things like, "Don't get crazy, baby. I don't want you to get all twisted over me." why does he keep repeating that? I think it's because he's falling fast too and he's not usually like that. He's trying to convince himself by using my feelings, when his feelings are the exact same way. He knows it, and he's afraid or confused. That's just how I see it... I know that has to be why. 2 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

[25 Jul 2004|06:43pm] The night is young and if you shave I'll give you some of this mighty tongue - heeeeeeeeey   Even if I die...

MUTHA! [25 Jul 2004|06:37pm] [ music | Pitbull ft Lil John // Culo ] As we all know, Usher is the bane of my existence, and as I've stated long before now, I can't STAND Alicia Keys for anything!!!!!!!! So what do they do?!!?! Join forces and remake an already shitty Alicia Keys song into and even shittier one. GAH! They're out to get me. My death is so extremely close I can feel it hoovering above my head. And it's kinda making this low humming sound. -=looks up=- Oh nevermind, that's not not death, that's the ceiling fan. But if death ever did have a sound, you bet your ass it would be that of a ceiling fan -=flicks off the switch=- 2 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Ouchies and OOOOOOOOOooooooo-weeeeeees! [24 Jul 2004|11:13pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Last night I got so piss ass drunk that I fell backwards and bumped my cranium on a shelf. My mom alllllways tells me, "Sha, stop tipping back in your chair, you're going to fall and crack your head open!" It's like scolding a child, and I ALWAYS do it. It's a habbit and I can't break out of it. Well usually I lean back slowly and let the chair meet the shelf, but I was drunk.I flew all the way back and the legs of the chair slipped out from under me,....I fell, hit my head on the shelves, and then fell on my back and hurt my elbow. Okay, at the time it was the funniest shit in the world. Bree ran out and told everyone as I was laying there laughing. Chris was in shock and jumped up to help me up, but I was a giggling baffoon who would have rather layed there with my legs in the air than get up. In the morning I was hurt though. My elbow hurts really bad, my head has a little hurty, and my back bone is a bit sore. The elbow is what kills though. I tried to milk it when I went to Alvin's today. He always tickles me cuz he knows I hate it. I was just like, "Owww, don't tickle or squeeze me! My back is bruised." It doesn't actually hurt that much, but it was an excuse out of the tickle. I grew so weak when I saw Alvin today. GODDAMN MY SEXUAL SCORPIO TENDENCIES! He looked so bloody good!! He was wearing these black pants with small white pin-stripes going down them, a tight-fitting white muscle tank top with a smaller black one over the white so the white hung out on the bottom - creating a black and white contrast. He had on a nice black belt with a shiny silver belt buckle, and was equiped with all his new jewlery - his chain, earings, watch - and his sexy new sunglasses. I just gazed fixated at this image of perfection noting how wonderful the clothes fit his perfect frame - how they hugged right and hung loose in all the right places. I gazed at him until I could look no longer because I grew embarrassed of his beauty and the fact that I had looked so plain today. Ahh.. and his beautiful muscles accented the beauty of his wardrobe. Of course I find him to be attractive in any shape or form, but god, does he look good in black and white! He tried to get me to 'do stuff' since he had the house to himself. And as much as I wanted to - AS MUCH WILL POWER THAT WAS NEEDED TO WARD ME OFF - we just did the usual.. you know. God... I want that guy so bad. But not yet. Damnit. Not this soon, not this one - NOT TIME YET! I started to feel ugly, so I went and bought myself an outfit today -=wriggle=- cute skirt and tank top to match. We need to walk down the street together looking like teh sex!   Even if I die...

Drunken rant [23 Jul 2004|11:55pm] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | Petey Pablo /// Freek-a-leak ] Damnit wtf?!?!!??!! I was going to hang out with Alvin tonight. But here I am.....not. I can't be mad at him though. He never actually confirmed plans with me because he was going to be with his friend Eric all day and said we'd hang out if they weren't doing anything. I called him tonight and he said he was getting into the shower and he'd call me back. Hmm but he didn't. Why tonight of all nights?! The night when I wanted to tell him that I have the keys to my brother's house and my brother said it was okay for the 2 of us to stay there!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOoooOoooOoooo!! The one time I gotz house, and I have nobody to share it wiff!! So I went next door and hung out with Bree. I'm not talking to Elice since she did me hella dirty yesterday, trying to say that she didn't wanna hang out with me and Alvin at the club cuz she would feel the like the third wheel. Why didn't she tell me this earlier in the week!? Oh because Sean flaked on her last night and wanted to hang out TONIGHT. So she made up some shitty ass excuse and hung up on me and treated me like a piece of shit so she could hang out with the guy who's been flaking on her every day since her birthday. And he flaked on her again tonight. Good! -=bad Karma=- But still! Fuck that!! I'm drunk and angry. If I'm lucky, Alvin will call me later tonight and I can convince him to go up to my brother's casa. But this is just drunk talk. And I shouldn't be drunk around guys -especially Alvin cuz all I'll do is wanna 'do the damn thing' with him, but I don't want to give him such a luxury!... I'm rabling. Off I go. Holla.   Even if I die...

Quotes of the day: [23 Jul 2004|07:30pm] [ mood | amused ] Angela: Damn, you just jump for Corina. Anthony: Well wouldn't you want a guy to jump for YOU? I know *I* would. Anthony: Im not saying I'm a homosexual who lives on Castro Street with my boyfriend - FRIEND- Josh, who also happens to be homosexual- and my stage name is Antwanette... I'm not saying that if a homosexual ran up on me I wouldn't web them as homosexual spiderman .....I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying that if I were on Castro street and someone was looking for a good time for about 20 dollars -=pause=- maybe I'd do it - in a past life. I didn't say I'd go to castro street to cross-dress, or am, or DID, for that matter..... Me:It's a weird fantasy of mine and I don't even want to tell you Alvin: Just tell me Me: No. It's okay. It's too weird. Alvin: Just tell me because I'm not going to stop bugging you. Me: It's WEIRD! Ugh. Okay. I want to cut someone during sex. Alvin: Good fucking God. We're not having ANY razors, OR knives around in my house if we ever have sex!!! -=screams out car window=- SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!! THIS GIRL IS CRAZY! -=hangs out window=- SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!! Me: Oh shut up. 9 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Cleared up... [23 Jul 2004|07:01pm] [ mood | content ] I talked to Alvin last night......I talked to him about EVERYthing. I would have liked to see him in person, but instead we had a very long phone convo. And things are working out great. We aren't together as boyfriend or girlfriend, and I am free to explore my options because he understands that I can't wait around for him. Alvin's imput - What he has to say about us:"Things are so good right now. Everything is so perfect. Things are so good right now that the only thing that could happen is things could get worse. If we were boyfriend and girlfriend, you will get jealous, and I will get jealous... Like I told you... YOU would represent me. Therefore I would be constantly on you asking where you were at, who you were with, I would get controlling because I wouldn't want you to do anything to embarrass me, I know this, and I know you don't want that. Just trust me. It would only make things harder. And when I say those things about the songs (He dedicates songs to me about taking advantage of girls and it makes me confused because I don't know if he's serious, and I often get extremely quiet) it was just me being hella immature. And it's not your fault, because I do it on purpose. I played on your emotions because I knew it would confuse you, and I apologize for that, I'm sorry. I don't know why I do it, I just know that it makes you think - it's not your fault. I'm not going to do that anymore. As for you wanting a relationship, I can give you everything that a boyfriend could give you. Haven't I already? Aren't you happy? The only thing that we don't have is the label - THAT'S when things start getting messed up. I'm not saying that there's no chance of you becoming my girlfriend, I'm just not ready for that jealousy again because I KNOW it will happen, no matter how hard we try for it not to. I'm always going to be here for you. Even if you go away and find someone else and you want to hang out with them for a while, I'm not going to be mad. I may get a little jealous, but I would never ever do ANYthing to disrespect you. I will never bring another girl around you, and when we're out, I will never try to talk to other girls. I love what we have now, but I know it could only get worse. And if something were to happen and you were to leave, you could always come back to me and I will except you. I like you, I like everything about you. And it's not just physical, its mental and emotional too. But I'm not going to lie. I want you. I want you hella bad. I understand that you have had issues in the past and your confidence has been shattered either because you are self conscious mentally or physically, and I want to take care of you and I want to build your confidence because you're right... I do see something you don't. You're beautiful, I just don't know why you don't see it. I don't even talk to girls nor give them a second glance unless they are 8 or above. Trust me, ugly, you're beautiful. You've given me so much attention physically and emotionally and I thank you, and I want everything that we have now to continue." 5 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Here we fucking go again... [22 Jul 2004|08:54pm] [ mood | contemplative ] My brother met Alvin today. His first reaction when Alvin had left was a head shake and he said, "He's going to break your heart, Sha." I just looked up at him... I couldn't scream and yell because I know it's true. I knew that all he was basing this off was his looks (for I had done the same thing).....but all I said was, "I know." He looked at me again, "Do you love him?" I just replied again, "I think I love that guy." And it ended with another head shake. I can always count on my brother for complete honesty, and when my sister brought her guy around, my brother took to him quickly and immediately, Steven had a good head on his shoulders. And though I know Alvin has one as well, his intentions aren't always clear to me. He makes jokes that I just don't always understand, but the one thing I'm really starting to understand is how he says, "It's too soon to be involved in a serious relationship." Before he left we had a tiny little fallout. It wasn't a massive fight, but just another misunderstanding where I couldn't tell if he was serious or not.. I didn't get what he was saying. Before he got out of the car he said, "I'll call you tonight when I get back. I want you to tell me what you want from me, okay? I want you to tell me everything." And I'm going to tell him everything. Even all of this. 7 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Someone grab ahold of me before I start balling out of control [22 Jul 2004|03:11pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Lil Flip // Sunshine ] I'm currently in possession of Alvin's Blingin' Ecko watch..... Perhaps I'll get to drive the Mustang next?......but I'll settle for a platinum grill that sparks when I talk. Me, Alvin, and Elice are going clubbing in Vacaville tomorrow. Show up if you're down. Holla! What kind of Quiz is this? Your LJ Perfect Date LJ Username Gender femalemaleumm, lemme check Mood happyhornysadangrynotalgicannoyedother Choose a random word Your Perfect Date meev You have dinner at a bar Afterwards you play hide and go seek Your date asks you to please untie him/her You say run, Forest, run! Chance you will get lucky - 62% This Quiz by akasha82 - Taken 21214 Times. New - How do you get a guy to like you? hide and go Seek? What? I don't get it? Quote of the day: "Maybe in a past life, when I HAPPENED to be gay, AND Asian, dressed up as angelic crossdressing Spiderman in San Francisco, walking along Polk street with my boyfriend- I mean FRIEND, Josh, and for some reason my Spidey-sense wasn't working, and I accidently webbed a homosexual....-=sticks his legs straight up in the air and makes spiderman web-hands between legs=-...... then maybe. In a PAST life." ~ Anthony omfg I have a cherry blossom tree in my room that stays in bloom all year around! 5 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

[22 Jul 2004|01:15am] [ mood | satisfied ] Today I stayed home and cleaned my room: shampooed the carpets, moved my furniture in and decorated. It actually looks like a room now- it's livable, lovely, and pink. I want to take pictures and show it off to you all. I did a great decorating job and it doesn't look one bit cluttered. Its beautiful and creative. I didn't talk to Alvin all day because he was out. I knew I wasn't going to see him today, hence why my room is close to being complete. I still thought of him all day. I wondered what he was doing with his time while I was being so productive with mine. I even started to get a bit jealous thinking that maybe there was another female he was with. But I banished those thoughts from my mind because to be jealous so soon would only lead to more jealousy and less trust... and why question those things when I don't even have reason not to trust him? I was about to fall over from exhaustion (and a massive headache) when he called at 12 am. I told him about my day and he told me about his. He had gone to Waterworld (a local water park) and I started to think a bit - hmmmmmm beautiful half naked girls around this attractive and charming male..no doubt he had met someone. But I didn't ask. Then he said.. Alvin: Ugly....this girl came up to me today and talked to me. Me: Oh. -=pause=-.....did you talk to her? (absolutely no hostility in my voice, because this was expected and I'm not jumping to conclusions.) Alvin: ........yes. Me:......oh. Alvin: I told her that I was talking to a girl that was prettier than her...and one that has bigger boobs. Me: -=laughs=- Baby... -=laughs=- you didn't. Alvin: I swear to God. You think I wouldn't?! Me: What did she say? Alvin: She was like, "That's hella shady. Do you know how hard it is for a girl to approach a guy?" and I just said, "Well it's true." Me: What did she look like. Alvin: She was a pretty little white girl. But baby, ....I want you. He fell asleep on the phone with me- which is becoming a nightly ritual with him. I love it though. Im the last thing he hears before he falls asleep, and I usually hang up 15 minutes after his complete silence. I'm reminded of him when I hold Yucky (a stuffed animal that I take with us places)...it smells just like him. 1 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Changes ^_^ [21 Jul 2004|02:20pm] [ mood | good ] I went to the gym today for the first time in a loooong looong while. It's weird... I always said I would never let a guy change who I was, but ever since Alvin came along I want to be a better person. I want to be in shape for him both physically and mentally. I want to be the best person that I can for him, and he the best for me. I want to take care of myself for him as well as myself. And never have I had so much ambition as I do now that I have something and someone to look forward to upon each wakening. But my thoughts of him don't end once I sleep, because every dream since the first day we were together has been showered with him. I had a dream the other night that an old love of mine came back to me - someone I had been lusting over for over a year, one that I had given up on only to have them come crawling back to me at the wrong time in my life- the time when I didn't need them anymore. In my dream I looked at that person and thought to myself, "You're not s upposed to be here." I knew in my mind that I was supposed to be with someone else, but I couldn't think of who. No matter how I tried, and how much I knew there was someone important and dear to me in my life, I couldn't think of who. I started naming off people in my dreams, and I started to freak out thinking that pershaps there was nobody, perhaps I was making it up and there was nobody I was waiting for... nobody who was there for me. Then I rememebered ...... Alvin. I got so excited in my dream, and I jumped up and ran away from the "other guy" and into the house where I called him. I woke up happy just knowing that he was there. And I started thinking about the concepts of being changed by another human being, and how your changes don't always have to take a negative turn. I quit smoking weed before I met Alvin - or atleast I tried to. But then when we and Alvin were together, I didn't even THINK about the stuff. I didn't crave it, because I had all the satisfaction I needed. I don't want to smoke anymore - is that such a negative change? Of course not. Infact, I'm extremely happy about it. I'm happy about working out. Why should my guy feel the need to stay in shape to keep me happy and me not do the same? I'm still confused as to why a former personal trainer and physical therapy assistant is interested in me -=looks down=- but he sees something I don't. He sees the potential in me. And he wants to help me before I even want to help myself. In a way it's bad that I have to depend on another person for that kind of help, but I've always been that way. And if it were to be anyone, I'm glad it's him. Today's Horoscope for Scorpio Your future has arrived at your doorstep and it feels much closer to the present moment than you thought it would. Your deepest values are undergoing profound changes and there is little you can do to stop the process that began a couple of months ago as Venus began her retrograde phase. Today, things are looking better as you see the opportunities spread out before your eyes. You don't need to make a decision today -- just let yourself dream about the possibilities. -=smiles=- And I shall. 4 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

Pass it on [20 Jul 2004|03:24pm] Kirito smuggles drugs globally through PIERROT member asses. 10 Boogie woogie   Even if I die...

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