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Armageddon Of June 6th 2006's Journal

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Thursday, May 13th, 2004
7:49 pm - Back And Already At It Again...
So, we're back from the first leg of our tour. We're going to be playing at the Whisky next Thursday with All Shall Perish! These guys are great! A lot like us with mixing Death Metal and Hardcore but these guys remind some people of Skinless. So, come on down and support this show since this is the first time we've been allowed to play at the Whisky since our record release part 2 years ago, which is when we got banned.

Thursday May 20th 2004
M Productions Proudly Presents
Prosthetic Records Recording Artists
CREMATORIUM
Appearing With
Amputated Vein Recording Artists
ALL SHALL PERISH
With Special Guests
RATTLEHEAD
DEMISE
HOSTILE
CLOUDS TURN BLACK
And
NECROBYOSIS
This Event Will Take Place At
The Whisky
8901 West Sunset Boulevard
West Hollywood, CA 90069
All Ages - Doors 7pm - Bands 7:30pm
$10 At The Door - $8 Through Bands


By the way, here's a shot with me having newly shortened hair...


At the 6th Annual New England Metal And Hardcore Festival.
Yeah yeah, you can't see me with the mic in my face, oh well!!!

(18 judgements | cast your stone)

Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
11:08 am - Goodnight sweetheart...well it's time to go...
I am taking off today for about a month. I will be back around May 17th then we play on the 20th. We'll then be taking off again on the 23rd for another month. Hope everyone is well while I am away. If I am coming to your hood then come say hello.

(30 judgements | cast your stone)

Friday, April 16th, 2004
12:31 am - Bitter Harvest Under The Bloodsoaked Moon
a life numbing solution travels through the vein
over and under as I am lying here again
a trickle of poison, a pulsing of blood
nightmares arise through the flood
buried beneath the seraphim drip
behind a wall of sleep I begin to slip
as if falling through the floors deepend drain
a mixture of toxins meant to take away the pain
personal injuries attacked like cancerous growths
to bring back life and to give one last shimmering hope

walking out of myself, swelling into the well lit walls
away from all that I have come to know, dancing through halls
an inner self of peace and expression not before felt
feeling as if I am one with everyone as I begin to melt
true shapes of euphoria stem from the birth of my spine
my eyes open to see the true light of the divine
have I been walking all this time with my mind disposed
have the doors within my soul always been this closed
as scalpels begin to slice my body of sin
removing the flesh that's been corrupted again


------ ------ ------


Back from the first round of touring and going out on the second round starting next Tuesday night. If we are rolling through your area please come out and say hello.

4/22 - Oklahoma City, OK - The Green Door w/The Judas Cradle + Locals
4/23 - Fort Smith, AR - The Gate w/The Judas Cradle, Silence The Epilogue
4/24 - Lawrence, KS - The Bottleneck w/The Judas Cradle, Frost Like Ashes
4/25 - Evansville, IN - Club Name TBA w/The Judas Cradle + Locals
4/26 - Covington, KY - Radio Down w/The Judas Cradle + Locals
4/27 - Syracuse, NY - The Furnace w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, Mortal Treason
4/28 - Poughkeepsie, NY - The Loft w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, Mortal Treason + local
4/29 - Patchogue, NY - The Oasis w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, The Mercury Switch
4/30 - Worcester, MA - The Palladium - The New England Metal And Hardcore Festival
5/1 - Bound Brook, NJ - Hamilton St w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, The Mercury Switch
5/2 - Woodbridge, VA - Club Eastcoast - Breakdowns Not Bombs Festival
5/3 - Spartanburg, SC - Ground Zero w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/4 - Nashville, TN - The Muse w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/5 - Columbia, SC - New Brookland Tavern w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/6 - Gadsen, AL - The Old Santos w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/7 - Johnson City, TN - The Rambi's w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/8 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/9 - Port Allen, LA - The Furnace w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/10 - Day Off
5/11 - Houston, TX - Fat Cats w/The Judas Cradle, Dereistic
5/12 - Dallas, TX - The Red Blood Club w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/13 - San Antonio, TX - Sin 13 w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/14 - Corpus Christi, TX - Equal Eyes w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/15 - San Angelo, TX - The Pheonix w/The Judas Cradle, Silence The Epilogue, Vex


The show on April 18th at the Allen Theatre has been cancelled as well. Hopefully people won't go there expecting a show.

After that our next LA show will be at the Whisky on May 20th with some local LA bands and also If Hope Dies which is like a metalcore/grind band that I heard has some members of Unearth.

------ ------ ------


This Sunday I get one year closer to the Logans Run age. I seriously cannot believe I lived past 25 so this is all still a trip to me.

------ ------ ------


The irony of my hair situation is that the two people who really were against me chopping it all off both really like the way I look with what I call "The Kevin Spacey Haircut."

------ ------ ------


I have been directing most of my writing towards the lyrics for the new Crematorium album. We are working out drummer situations as well as producer situations right now as well. We will once again be recording during the 8th month and the working title is "The Process Of Endtime." Within the next month we plan to have everything nailed down and announced. This album will either take us to the fabled "next level" of seal our fate as being a lower level touring band the rest of our career. Sad, but true.

------ ------ ------


I never understood why people will get themselves into situations only to ignore them the next day. Why do people say things that they never intend on following through with? Simple solution is to not get yourself into these situations, keep your mouth shut and stop spewing lies with every single word. If you don't plan on keeping your word then don't open your fucking mouth because it's seriously a trend these days that we can all live without.

------ ------ ------


"What makes us tick
Are we mentally sick
Feeling inside that drive us like pride
Or emotional scars from our friends that have died
And make us build walls so incredible high
They exceed the ceiling from the terrified feelings
Which we often repress and end up depressed
Some vent it as rage, it's the fashion these days
In a twisted society, we drown in anxiety
Has push come to shove, have we killed the dove
Are we caught in a fit, what makes us tick
Has man gone insane, are we feeling the strain
We must dig and must pick at what makes us tick
Has push come to shove, have we killed the dove
Are we caught in the thick as to what makes us tick
Can you feel the pain that I feel
No
So let me tell you about what is real
Go
The pain inside, it kills me, I cry
So
What is it that makes us tick
Can you hear the cries that I cry
Why
Leave me alone, I'm ready to die
Die
For me I lie to myself
Just what is it that makes us tick"

(13 judgements | cast your stone)

Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
12:24 am - Change is good
Today I quit my job of 4 1/2 years

Tomorrow I start touring again

Tonite I cut all my hair off...I have been threatening this for years

Tomorrow Crematorium is playing our first show since January 19th at the Cobalt Cafe in Reseda

I feel positive about my future

(42 judgements | cast your stone)

Monday, March 22nd, 2004
2:29 am - On The Road Again
My band Crematorium will be on tour again. I hope to see some of you on this trip...

April
4/3 - Canoga Park, CA - The Cobalt Cafe w/Donnybrook, Life In Numbers, Internal Affairs, Life Or Death, Killing Theory, If It Kills, Brethren
4/4 - San Diego, CA - The Epicentre w/Rag Men, The Judas Cradle, Donnybrook
4/5 - Tijuana, MX - The Voodoo House w/Rag Men, The Judas Cradle, Donnybrook
4/6 - Hollywood, CA - The Knitting Factory w/Rag Men, The Hoods, The Judas Cradle. The Warriors, If It Kills
4/7 - Sacramento, CA - West Coast Worldwide w/Rag Men, The Hoods, The Judas Cradle
4/8 - Bakersfield, CA - Jerry's Pizza w/Rag Men, The Hoods, The Judas Cradle
4/9 - Corona, CA - The Showcase Theatre w/Rag Men, The Hoods, The Judas Cradle
4/10 - Las Vegas, NV - Hammerheads w/Rag Men, The Hoods, The Judas Cradle
4/18 - South Gate, CA - The Allen Theatre w/Torn Within, The Final Burden, Exitium, Cold War, Valley Of Ashes
4/22 - Oklahoma City, OK - The Green Door w/locals
4/23 - Fort Smith, AR - The Gate w/The Judas Cradle, Silence The Epilogue
4/24 - Lawrence, KS - The Bottleneck w/The Judas Cradle, Frost Like Ashes
4/25 - Evansville, IN - Club Name TBA w/The Judas Cradle + Locals
4/26 - Covington, KY - Radio Down w/The Judas Cradle + Locals
4/27 - Syracuse, NY - The Furnace w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, Mortal Treason
4/28 - Poughkeepsie, NY - The Loft w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, Mortal Treason + local
4/29 - Patchogue, NY - The Oasis w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, The Mercury Switch
4/30 - Worcester, MA - The Palladium - The New England Metal And Hardcore Festival
5/1 - Bound Brook, NJ - Hamilton St w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, The Mercury Switch

May
5/2 - Woodbridge, VA - Club Eastcoast - Breakdowns Not Bombs Festival
5/3 - Spartanburg, SC - Ground Zero w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle, The Mercury Switch
5/4 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle
5/5 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle
5/6 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle
5/7 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle
5/8 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle
5/9 - Port Allen, LA - The Furnace w/As I Lay Dying, The Judas Cradle
5/10 - TBA w/The Judas Cradle
5/11 - Houston, TX - Fat Cats w/The Judas Cradle, Dereistic
5/12 - Dallas, TX - The Red Blood Club w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/13 - San Antonio, TX - Sin 13 w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/14 - Corpus Christi, TX - Equal Eyes w/The Judas Cradle plus locals
5/15 - San Angelo, TX - The Pheonix w/The Judas Cradle, Silence The Epilogue, Vex
5/16 - TBA
5/17 - TBA
5/25 - Spokane, WA - The Detour w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
5/26 - Seattle, WA - Studio Seven w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
5/27 - Portland, OR - The Solid State w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
5/28 - Sacramento, CA - West Coast Worldwide w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
5/29 - Bakersfield, CA - Jerry's Pizza w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
5/30 - Corona, CA - The Showcase Theatre w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
5/31 - Tijuana, MX - The Voodoo House w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket

June
6/01 - Lancaster, CA - The Desert Inn w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/02 - Fresno, CA - Big Game Studios w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/03 - Hollywood, CA - The Whisky w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/04 - TBA w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/05 - TBA w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/06 - Armarillo, TX - The Refuge w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/07 - Day Off
6/08 - Oklahoma City, OK - The Conservatory w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/09 - Dallas, TX - The Door w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/10 - San Antonio, TX - Sin 13 w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/11 - Baton Rouge, LA - Electric Swamp Factory w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/12 - Tallahassee, FL - Big Daddy's w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/13 - Jacksonville, FL - The Imperial w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/14 - Myrtle Beach, SC - The Limelight w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/15 - TBA w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/16 - Nashville, TN - Blue Sky Court w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/17 - High Point, NC - Hatley's House Of Rock w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/18 - Lexington, VA - Worthless Fest w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket
6/19 - Louisville, KY - Pappy's w/Nodes Of Ranvier, Reflux, Glass Casket

(22 judgements | cast your stone)

Saturday, February 28th, 2004
7:06 pm - One...two...three strikes you in.
In the process of our life and times
And the seperations of continental devides
Have we set eachother up for the grandest of falls
Have we destroyed any true faith that lives within us all
Walking on ropes that are threaded with clumos of sand
While we are loosing ultimate respect for our common man

I ask

Will I let you down?
Will you let me drown?
Is there someone who knows all?
What light shall shine at our final call?


------ ------- ------


I am alive. I am in some serious pain and I am bleeding out of my nose and I can't stop drooling but I do feel a bit better today.

------ ------- ------




------ ------- ------


I have finally purchased a domain for The Church Of The 8th Day. I plan on uploading my writings as soon as I can figure out what and what I do not want to publish on the net. Until then, you can check out my site here.

------ ------- ------



Everything I've ever told you
Guess I lied
Everything you meant to me
Guess it was all a lie
You meant nothing to me
Guess I lied.

Get over it
Because
I won't lie to make you
To re-shape you
Because I despise you
That is the only thing
I am not lying about

(7 judgements | cast your stone)

Saturday, February 14th, 2004
4:25 pm - Notes From Under The Withering Trees
Been a long long long time since I wrote anything here. Some may say it's been too long but I've never really updated this thing on any sort of schedule.

My truck has been giving me more problems then I really need lately. The water pump went out and I had to fix it. My stepfather and I got down and dirty and fixed it but I had other minor repairs to do which I did on my own. Seriously, there is no better feeling to me then taking something that is broken then fixing it. Bad thing is that my transmission finally went out on me last night. I knew one day it would take a dive but I didn't expect it to come right now. It just seems like everything on the Beast is deciding to crap out on me all at once. I am having the truck towed to AAMCO in about a half an hour and they will look at the truck on Monday and assess the damage. Hopefully I will be able to get financing for this job because I am pretty much tapped out right now.

Work is lame. Our computer systems got fried and there's a lot of money being lost. I wish the owners took heed to the old wisdom that you "get what you pay for." Saving a dollar today just means you'll spend hundred's more sooner or later and in their case...sooner always comes faster then later.

I am finally getting my throat surgery done on February 27th. I know some of you that read this journal know about my breathing problems so it will be a relief to you to read this. For others who don't know, let's just say this surgery has been put off for too long. I will not be unable to talk right for about 2 weeks and I am hoping the 36 days I am giving myself to heal before the next Crematorium show is enough.

Crematorium is writing a new album, should be done soon. We will be doing some tour dates with The Judas Cradle, As I Lay Dying, Mortal Treason, Remembering Never, The Ragmen, Silence The Epilogue as well as many locals along the way. This is the first time we'll be doing a tour like this where the bands change so much but we are looking forward to it. Gonna create a lot of new merch for this tour that's for sure.

I think this is seriously the most "personal" update that I have given in years. I guess I just wanted to document what was going on in my life right now so I could read back upon it at a later date. I am not sure if anyone still reads this page but if you do then you've pretty much got my current status in a nutshell.

(75 judgements | cast your stone)

Sunday, January 18th, 2004
10:07 pm - Come one, come all...the freak show has arrived...
Here are the set times for tomorrows show at the Troubadour...

Doors - 7:00pm
Eat The Living - 7:30pm-8:00pm
Hostile Groove - 8:15pm-8:45pm
Watch Me Burn - 9:00pm-9:30pm
Crematorium - 9:45pm-10:15pm
Crisis - 10:30pm-11:10pm
Dying Star - 11:25pm-11:55pm

Remember, it's free if you are over 21 and only 3 bucks if you are under 21.

(4 judgements | cast your stone)

Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
1:08 am - Something to attend...
"What doesn't hurt you can only make you stronger.
In this game you have to have heart."

(8 judgements | cast your stone)

Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
2:05 am - I Defy You To Defy Myself
I once had a dream in which I told myself that if you're going to try at something you better be willing to give it your all or not even try at all. I had this dream when I was very young and this has been the basis of everything I have ever got involved in. This can direcly reflect the reason why I never take anything as a "half assed" endeavor and also can be the reason why I just never take time to take care of myself like I am a human being and not some never resting machine.

------ ------ ------


Not like myself again below.

The last few weeks have been some sort of test. I can't explain it any other way. Horrible car problems, failing health issues, work issues, personal work issues, band issues, bank fraud that has left me beyond broke, flat tires with no spare tire and so many more things. Of course I always realize that others have things worse then me and I will never look at myself as someone that should recieve pity but I do tend to sometimes wish I could put my fist through a wall.

------ ------ ------


Even as the towel falls to the ground I jump to catch it as I am never one to give in.

------ ------ ------


Outside this life
There is no one else
This is the life
That you give unto yourself

------ ------ ------


I will be heading to New Jersey this weekend. Hopefully my recent luck does not fallow me out there because if it does, I am not sure if I will be returning in one piece.

------ ------ ------


Inner oils turn the gears within mobiles spun above the heads of the young
Showing no remorse for the destruction of dreams and possible idealogies to come
Or the massive structures of waste to be created as the mind burns like the candlestick
A follow up to a motion set in end time as the clock begins to end its tick
Calendar pages splattered with the blood as thick as the mud of stations
As the innocence has been lost at the conception self realizations
We no longer know ourselves as ourselves within ourselves at the beginnings of dawn
And as we travel through we no longer recognize the roads we travel upon
We are one at ourselves and the boiling disease
We are one as we drift further apart into preplayed histories
These times paint the canvases of human skin only to redefine
Like thinner covering this world and spread across the skyline
Bringing down the moon and burning out the sun
Creating a void of inner darkness that does not end with one
Pouring itself into the molds which shall cast the catalyst of reconstructions
Generating a new set of gears which will repeat all the same desolations

------ ------ ------

tick
tock
tick
tock
....
tock
....
nothing
....
....
stand against yourself to achieve yourself.

(25 judgements | cast your stone)

Sunday, October 26th, 2003
8:46 am - There's about a million and one ways to die by...but I would rather use my gun to make you die by.
Another way for me to torture myself...



Stigma which is not listed will be playing as well. They take the stage at 8pm and I was told they are an industrial rock band from the East Coast.

This will be Pridekiller's first live performance. I am playing guitar in this group and as some of you already heard through MP3's, it's pretty heavy. If you would like to hear the MP3's please let me know and if you have heard them, please let people know that this is worth checking out.

Also, the Garage is shutting down for good on November 17th and this will be it's last heavy music show. Come down and help set them off with a bang.

Come one, come all.

------ ------ ------


One of my musical fantasies came true about a month ago as I recorded guest vocals for one of my favorite bands ever. I appeared on "A Study In Cancer" which will appear on the soon to be released Crisis album Like Sheep Led To The Slaughter. As soon as I get the OK from them I will upload an MP3 for people to hear but all I can say is that Karyn and my vocals mix together well. We are actually going to be doing this song live at the Crisis show that will happen at the Garage this coming Thursday. If your a fan of the old school Crisis, come down and check it out as they have went back to the original formula and dumped the whole rock sound.

------ ------ ------


Crematorium is going to be releasing a limited edition EP which will be entitled This Is Armageddon...2 Songs Of Absolution to commemorate our appearance at this years first annual New Jersey Metal And Hardcore festival. This EP will feature two songs already found on the For All Our Sins Release as well as a few live tracks taken from our recent tour with Immolation, Grave and Goatwhore. 1000 of these will be pressed and that's it so if you find yourself at the New Jersey fest make sure to get one but if you can't make it and want one, let me know before hand and I will see what I can do.

------ ------ ------


It seems that even though I want to write I cannot because my mind is so driven to the graphics side of my mind right now. One day I am going to learn how to direct and focus myself a little better because I always find myself stuck in this phase. I do plan on having the book together within 2004 though. I am not sure how I am going to release it, I might just start with a copied sort of fanzine style at first since I don't have the money to actually produce an actual book. Maybe someone will pick it up and publish it after I put out the first edition.

------ ------ ------


For those of you who have been wondering where I am at I am pretty much buried in work and my bands. I do wish I could be around more but as all of you that know me personally know, I over work myself so please don't take it personally. If anything, I am ignoring myself a lot more lately.

I think this is one of the first entries in awhile that's all personal. Sorry.

(9 judgements | cast your stone)

Saturday, September 27th, 2003
12:27 am - Everything Fails You In The End...
Friday October 3rd 2003
Hell & Death Productions
The Church Of The 8th Day Gathering Campaigns
Los Angeles Underground.com
Proudly Present
Metal Blade Records Recording Artists
CATTLE DECAPITATION
With Very Special Guests
Prosthetic Records Recording Artists
CREMATORIUM
And
Century Media Records Recording Artists
WATCH THEM DIE
**Featuring ex-members of GRIMPLE, BUZZOV-EN
OJOROJO, EL DOPA, SCHLONG, WORD SALAD
and DOWNFALL**
Also Appearing
DIMINISHED
CERBERUS
TCHILDRES
NEMA
and
SELF INDUCED PAIN
This Event Will Be Held At
The American Legion Hall
7338 Canby Ave. Reseda, CA
(Near the intersection of Sherman Way and Reseda)
$10 at the door - Doors at 6:00
All Ages - Full Bar w/ ID


Visit the Crematorium website for more information.

(9 judgements | cast your stone)

Sunday, September 7th, 2003
12:20 am - Sunday
I have just been informed that Crematorium's set time for the show tommorrow will be in fact 10:30pm and not 12am. This show is pretty much going on from 8pm-12am.

Though we are still being considered the headliner of this show and this show is VERY important for us for many reasons (one of which I cannot say because I feel I will jinx our oppurtunity) there is one band after us named Syngaia. They have been placed there as a closing act and not a headlining act. I always though headlining meant playing last but the production company behind this show has a different vocabulary then I.

Anyways, if you live in the LA area please try to make it...I really need the support on this one.

(12 judgements | cast your stone)

Thursday, September 4th, 2003
1:24 am - A Call To Arms...
Again and this is just a reminder and it will be the final one to come from me.

Crematorium is playing the Knitting Factory this Sunday and I really need everyone I know to come and have a good time because this is our first promoted headlining appearance, Los Angeles is our hometown, we have pretty much changed the line-up and we sound a lot different and last but not least, some very important management people will be coming down to check us out for larger US and European tours.

So, if you have the time, come down, drink, be merry and maybe run around in a circle like wild animals. This is not an invite only event, bring people with you and if you think you're not welcome, you are wrong...EVERYONE is welcome!



We go on around midnite and you can find out more information by visiting The Crematorium Site

(24 judgements | cast your stone)

Sunday, August 17th, 2003
3:58 pm - Within The Stars I Shall Remain Nameless Unto Thee
I have never been one to ask for much support from those I call "friends" but on this occasion I need as much as I can get.

This marks my bands first headlining appearance in California, which is our hometown and I cannot stress to you all how much this means to us and me even more as most of you know how hard I work to do this band.



For more information visit the Crematorium site.

------ ------ -------


I have begun working on the vocal imagery for the next Crematorium album which will be released in the Summer of 2004...this is a sample of myself.

Formed within inner struggle
And the blueprints for self rebellion
Structuring what breeds inside
Only to fail
Only to fall

A splendor in dream
A life turned to night
Reaching to the pinacle
Only to be knocked down
Down to depths within
A splendor in nightmare

Born
Only to fail
Only to fall

The contempted shall never
Face these bloodshined eyes
Ashes on the mirrors
Ending it with home made cyanide
With your man made kerosene
Swallowing it all down

Tomorrow
Created
Only to fail
Only to fall


------ ------ -------


Life's tragedies, leaving mental scars...Tortured by fear...Viciousness breeding emptiness...A sickness of the soul, emotions mummified...Affliction of dementia, compassion nullified...A weakened state of being...Which leaves the sences numb...Victimized by despair...And unrelenting depression...The death of innocence...Virtue's decay...Engulfed by selfishness...As the soul begins to fade...Overcome by subconscious urges...Driven to sadistic release...A wretched fleeting existence...Devoid of humanity...Destroyed by years of defilement...Conscience devoured...Drawn into infamy...Sanity decomposed...Scourge of subconsciousness...Erosion of the soul...Metamorphosis...Cynical and inhuman...The mind desensitized...By traumatic evolution...Compelled into derangement...By a life of atrocities...Overcome by subconscious urges...Driven to sadistic release...A wretched fleeting existence...Devoid of humanity

------ ------ -------


Sailing blindly across the sands of time. Wishing to turn back the hands that tick tock away the fleeting moments of existence. I come unto you as a mist of lost memories and shared atrocities. Begging you to look into what could have happened and what could have been the futures of ourselves. I stand on the hill freshened from the battles within myself. Raising the flag of regret and the monikers of self defeat. In the time of the past everything seemed so wrong and the source rivers from the outside poured into the room that captivated us. Drowning from the words and experiences of others and not looking unto ourselves to find the truth behind ourselves. We died away from eachothers arms. We died without knowing what this could have all meant.

------ ------ -------


Everytime you fail those close to your heart you fail yourself even more.

The word friendship needs to be redefined.

The word love needs to be rediscovered.

The word self needs to be abolished.

The word us needs to be sought after.

The word humanity needs to mean so much more.

(61 judgements | cast your stone)

Sunday, July 27th, 2003
9:01 pm - ...something completely odd for me...
I have never taken part in all the LJ quizzes and other circus acts but when Aversionline mentioned that he wanted people to participate in his interview experiments I had to volunteer as he is one of my best friends and someone I have always respected in more ways then one. So, here we go...

1. How did you get the nickname "Daniel Dismal", and what the fuck is your real last name anyway!?
Well...my real first name is Daniel so my mother gave that name to me after someone she met in a dream while she was pregnant with me. She said it was a premonition of the man I was going to become later on in life and when she asked the mans name he said "Daniel". As for the Dismal part, I have been known as a negative person all my life but in my eyes I am just a realist and I don't candy coat things like other people do. A few friends used to call me Dismal in highschool and at that time I was really into piecing (for those who don't know what piecing is it's the artistic way of tagging for lack of a better word. Real can art not just spraying your name). So, for a long time I went under the name Dismal. It just so happens that once I joined Crematorium I noticed they had a song named Dismal and it just brought back certain memories and I picked up the name as my own last name. As for my real last name, well...if I wanted people to know that I wouldn't have a fake last name. The reason I have a fake last name is because I despise my real father and I disgarded his name as a way to rid myself of his memory. My close friends know my real last name and if anyone really wants to know it they can ask me and maybe I'll clue them in.

2. What's the most sappy, wimpy, "soft" band that you listen to - and may your answer preferably be as embarrassingly revealing as possible?
I love all sorts of bands man, you know that and I have never been afraid to discuss my musical tastes so this is easy...The Cure, Mazzy Star, Bee and Flower, Tears For Fears, Bauhaus, U2, Tracy Chapman, Enya, Portishead, Milla (as in Milla from the 5th Element, yes, she sings), The Gathering (they've become soft and I love it!), Alice In Chains (hey man, they aint hardcore), Nirvana, (early) Pearl Jam, Fugazi ect ect and that's all that I can think of right now but there are millions of bands I listen to where people would be "what the fuck!!" I also can say that I love Country, Classical, Rock, Hip Hop, Jazz, Blues, Gospel, (some) Opera, Alternative, Ambient and everything else everyone is too chicken shit to admit to!

3. How the hell did you become such a chick magnet out there in Cali, esse?
People know about ESD esse man, they know about the pure POWER it possesses just in mentioning ESD! Fear strikes at the hearts of all when ESD is mentioned and I am one of the founding members of ESD so people bow down and chicks throw their naked bodies at my feet!!!! Seriously though, people always think I am pimpin' it hardcore but in all actuality I just know a lot of good looking girls in California. They like me because I am not trying to lay pipe all the time like most men. Here's a little lesson guys, if you think less with your dick and more with your mind women will like you and though you're not having your way with them, they are a lot better to have around then not have around.

4. Do you think we're ever going to do that split 7" that we've been talking about doing for who knows how long?
Shit yeah man, NerverPresenceForever and 8thDayExtinction will make a split...it's just going to take a few more years since we both got so much going on. I have my track already, do you...huh huh, freakin LAGGER! Anyways, we better man...we've known eachother far too long to not collaborate artisticly like that. Plus you're sexy and I want my name to be next to yours.

5. What was the worst thing that happened as a whole on your last tour with Crematorium?
Seriously, the tour ending. This last tour was more like a band of brothers. We got so close with Immolation, Grave and Goatwhore that when the tour ended and we were all saying our goodbyes it felt like we were loosing a part of ourselves. All we could do is talk about the last month on the way back home to California from New Jersey. Honestly I can say that I do not know if we will ever experience something like that again. True, we've become close friends with all bands that we have toured with, but this last tour was like one big camping trip. GAH, thanks for making me choke up....you bastard!!!!! ::cries::

*********************************

Here's the little deal, if for some odd reason you want to be interviewed by me for fun purposes reply to this and tell me you want to be interviewed and here's a little more description.

1. Leave a comment saying that you want to be interviewed.
2. I'll respond and ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your journal with my questions and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation, as I have done here, so that others can take part.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

That's all. I seriously can't believe I did something like this and made 3 posts in one month.

EDIT


So...after Verotika got an interview from me she decided it would be fun to interview me. This one is long so I am going to use this LJ Cut shit for the first time. This will be the last time you guys see me do this kind of stuff. Thanks a lot Andrew for getting me mixed up into this.

Read more... )

(56 judgements | cast your stone)

Friday, July 25th, 2003
7:28 pm - Will Fallen Stars Shine Within This Black Hole We Call Planet Earth
Condider this the fourth Church Of The 8th Day Gathering...

Saturday August 23rd 2003
The Church Of The 8th Day Gathering Campaigns
In Association With
Shit4Brains Productions And
Los Angeles Underground dot Com
Proudly Present
A Night For The Promotion Of Underground Unity

Featuring Performances From
Facedown Records Recording Artists
SINAI BEACH (10:55-11:35)
Prosthetic Records Recording Artists
CREMATORIUM (10-10:40)
Necropolis/Deep Six Records Recording Artists
PHOBIA (9:15-9:45)
With Special Guests
ANTAGONY(from the bay area)(8:30-9)
ANEMOSITY (7:45-8:15)
INDIVIDUAL (7-7:30)
Kool Arrow Records Recording Artists
FLATTBUSH (6:15-6:45)
and
MALDICION (5:30-6)
Plus
DJ NISROCH
**spinning death, black, powernoize and industrial in between bands**

This Event Will Be Held At
Disabled Veterans Memorial Hall
1115 West Magnolia Avenue
Burbank, CA 91506
(near the intersection of Magnolia and Victory)
$10 At The Door/$8 With Flyer - Doors At 5pm - Bands At 5:30pm
All Ages - Full Bar With ID

You can save this flyer below and print it out to get into the venue for 8 bucks!



------ ------ ------


If you do not believe in yourself who will you believe in and if you can't believe in yourself how can you expect anyone to ever know you enough to trully care for you?

Sometimes people who cannot carry themselves through life aggrivate me to all ends. Maybe it's because I came from the upbringing that if you don't like something about your life or you surroundings you should change it rather then complaining about it all the time. Maybe it's because I find myself caring less and less about certain things that I put a priority on in the past. Or maybe it's because there are too many fucking whiners in this world these days?

Did we forget what it takes to be a woman or a man in this era of human evolution?

------ ------ ------


Crashing into objects that remain unknown, invisible to the human eye. Pieces of me fall to the earth within myself. Forever set ablaze...this was never meant to be.

Falling with fire from the sky
Overly injured and burnt up dry
Dreams are stuck and shining through
Can't you see that it's destroying you

One in itself
And this new disease
One in itself
And it's shining seas
One in itself
And it's line of thought
One in itself
And it's loss of light

I take this life
This is no ones else
This is the life
That you give unto your
Self

Look in self
The times you know
Flies up
And find themselves alone
Rise above
Before I know
What's censored
And find myself alone
I shalll stand before myself
In the greatest lie
I shall stand alone with myself
This is what I despise

No
You shall know
Lies
Forever grow
Outside this life
There is no one else
This is the light that you
Bury unto yourself

This
Is
Not
My
Life

(8 judgements | cast your stone)

Monday, July 21st, 2003
4:50 am - Serving Time In The Middle Of Nowhere
Times have passed me by and though I have always promised myself this, I never got to it...

Until now...



...this will become a window within myself

------ ------ ------


A lot has been going on since I returned from tour. Mostly just working on getting back out on the road to keep the ball rolling but also a lot of designing for websites and graphics. Little by little I am getting better but I still have a long way to go.

------ ------ ------


I will be throwing a Church Of The 8th Day Gathering around August 16th in Burbank California. There will be 6 bands and a DJ spinning in between the bands. This will unfortunately cost to get in since I am renting out a hall for this but it should be a fun night and it will benefit a cause that is trying to make the underground in Los Angeles a better place for all scenes.

------ ------ ------


Within ourselves we tell our sub-conscience stories that are meant to soothe our inner demons. This in fact leads to us living our lives as a lie. One you start in with one white lie they spread like wildfire and before you know it, you can't recognize yourself between what is real and what is fiction. This is no way to live, come clean with yourself and then come as yourself to those around you.

------ ------ ------


A funny thing happened with someone I respected and learned to care about because I felt they represented so much of who I was in my youth. I found myself being thrown back into what I believed and felt strongly about because this person reminded me that there's more to life then just yourself and your personal struggles. I saw through this person that people beyond the coil needed to have a champion of sorts and this is some of the reasons I began with my writings yet again, just this time through an electronic outlet. The sad thing is I have watched this person use lies and their own selfish natures to distort who they really are. I believe that inside they still have the fire that I felt within but now they sit on a fence that on one side is caring about the world in general and on the other side is just caring about monetary possessions. I see this person being someone who points the finger and screaming "you're wrong, you don't see what I see and that makes you worth nothing to me" and that's just not the way to approach any situation. I am addressing this issue more for myself because I needed the vent. To this person, I owe you for helping me regain my sight but I also owe you for showing me that people like you have not changed. This is not a fad, learn to respect all those around you and if you don't agree with someone remember that they have the same rights as you do to have a choice of beliefs in this life. You are no more special to this world then the people you oppose and without respect for the struggles of all...you are completely nothing.

------ ------ ------


There's not much of anything within myself that I want to express here right now as I feel as if I am in another changing point of my life.

The unknown road is always the scariest but I always look forward to seeing it stretch out before me.

My journey is never ending.

(8 judgements | cast your stone)

Thursday, July 3rd, 2003
6:28 am - A Return Home
For those of you who have worried and wondered. I am home safe from my tour. It was long and very hard but it was also the most fun I have had in a long time and though I am happy to be home, I can't wait to leave again.

I am at a loss for words at this point so all I will say is that you should never take your life for granted. You have one chance at life and you should do whatever your dreams tell you to do. Sitting around waiting for life to pass you by is a waste.

(42 judgements | cast your stone)

Monday, May 12th, 2003
7:51 am - Now That I am Dead...Lay Thorns Upon My Grave
I prepared
I made my choices
It all might be a mistake
I now leave you all

_____________________________________

TOUR DATES
_____________________________________

May
Saturday May 17th 2003
Crematorium will be appearing at
2:30-2:50pm on the SECOND STAGE at the
New England Metal And Hardcore Festival

05/25/2003 Passaic, NJ - Connections w/special guests


Tour With Immolation, Grave and Goatwhore
**Crematorium will be the opening act on this tour**
05/27/2003 New York, NY - Don Hills w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
05/28/2003 Baltimore, MD - The Depot w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
05/29/2003 Worcester, MA - The Palladium w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
05/30/2003 Buffalo, NY - Showplace Theatre w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
05/31/2003 Columbus, OH - Newport Music Hall w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore

June
06/01/2003 Cleveland, IH - Agora Theatre w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/03/2003 Chicago, IL - House Of Blues w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/04/2003 St. Paul, MN - The Lab w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/06/2003 Seattle, WA - Graceland w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/07/2003 Portland, OR - Meow Meow w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/08/2003 San Francisco, CA - The Pound w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/09/2003 Santa Ana, CA - Galaxy Theatre w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/10/2003 Hollywood, CA - Key Club w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/11/2003 San Diego, CA - Brick By Brick w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/12/2003 Las Vegas, NV - Huntridge Theatre w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/13/2003 Phoenix, AZ - The Mason Jar w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/14/2003 Alburquerque, NM - Launch Pad w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/15/2003 El Paso, TX - E-9 w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/16/2003 Dallas, TX - Canyon Club w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/17/2003 Austin, TX - The Backroom w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/18/2003 New Orleans, LA - Zeppellins w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/19/2003 Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/20/2003 Spartanburg, SC - Ground Zero w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/21/2003 Tampa, FL - The Masquerade w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/22/2003 Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Culture Room w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/24/2003 Louisville, KY - Headliner's w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/25/2003 Winston-Salem, NC - Ziggy's w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/26/2003 West Springfield, VA - Jaxx w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/27/2003 Roanoke, VA - Factory 324 w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/28/2003 Poughkeepsie, NY - The Chance w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore
06/29/2003 Asbury Park, NJ - The Stone Pony w/Immolation, Grave. Goatwhore


Come to me

------ ------ ------


At times I lose all my words, all my thoughts and all my feelings. I have never been the greatest person when it comes to expression and this has got me in trouble many times. I wish at times I could learn how to speak what's inside myself, but the words seem to escape me at time.

I feel as if I am not alone in this though.

------ ------ ------


Some people have questioned my methods of life lately based upon my choices that I have made recently. Simply put, I live life as a timeline that I will look back upon on my death bed. I don't want to ever wonder "what would have happened if?" This is the way I live my life.

------ ------ ------


There was a time that I gave up on everything. Gave up on trying and gave up on caring.

You opened my eyes.

------ ------ ------


In a life where your time is spent on searching.
For that perfect place.
For that perfect person.
For that perfect space.
Can you ever trully come at ease?
Can you ever lie down in peace?
Does this time here mean as much as we think?
Or are we as meaningless as the time we waste?
I feel as if I'm nothing.
I come to know myself as such.
This reality call, on the grandest scale.
Teaches me what my true worth is.
No one is greater than the next.
No one has more meaning in this world.
Monetary scales mean nothing.
For when it all burns, we are left with only ourselves.
So to become so reliant on possesions means that you become less inside.
The poorest of men, are the wealthiest inside.
The most insane, are the most at peace.
For at least they know themselves.
In this world, where all thought is foolish.
In this time, where all life shall end.
For....
It's not wise to hold onto your dreams....
In a world where only nightmares prevail.


------ ------ ------


As the end of days rises above the horizon. As we begin to caress the end like a child who has found love within it's mother. We blindfold ourselves to simple facts and simple truths. We ourselves are the problems that we face day in and day out.

Learn to conquer yourself and you will thus learn to conquer this life.

------ ------ ------


I will sit here...in my own world...until I can't be recognized

(25 judgements | cast your stone)


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