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Tuesday, March 27th, 2001
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7:46 pm
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I've never met a girl like you before!
Yeah I've never met a girl like you before!
So ya better shut up I might love ya more!
You're hot stuff, ya know it's true
Don't be surprised if I fall in love with you
Well I've never met a girl like you before!
Yeah I said I've never met a girl like you before!
Shut the fuck up or I'll love ya more!
You're hot stuff, ya know it's true
Don't be surprised if I fall in love with you
So lock me up inside a zoo
It's where I belong
But I rather be locked up with you!
You're even better in a thong
I wanna be locked up with you
I wanna be locked up with you
Yeah I wanna be locked up with you
I wanna be locked up with YOU!!!!!
current mood:  restless
current music: The Clash - The Story Of The Clash Vlm. 1 Disc 2
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| Sunday, March 25th, 2001
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6:58 pm - Big city, it's a living hell
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Well, Sam hates my guts now. It's this hermaphrodite business. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. My stomachs hurts, too, honestly. I wrote a story today. I don't really like LiveJournal anymore....
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| Saturday, March 10th, 2001
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12:08 pm - Time flies but aeroplanes crash
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Susan finished school and sixteen wants to be a secretary two years later she's got nowhere ends up in a factory making matches it's so boring she gets sad and so depressed hears her docter smugly tell her 'take these pills and get some rest' but she takes it one step further parents rescue her in times smile and tell her 'when you're married everything will be just fine' she recovers and gets married further shuts the closing door though he says 'I really love you' she feels worse off than before nine months later she's a mother to a bouncing baby boy 'oh how super' say her parents but for her there is no joy words like 'mummy' don't mean nothing it's all she hears from nine to five all alone at number 19 every single day she dies nineteen years of hollow cliches now she wants to end it all bored to death from doing nothing family drives her up the wall Swinging Susan hung herself she couldn't live her pointless life he comes home to see through tears the rigid corpse that was his wife the life and times of Susan Strange ended in that tragic way with the money from insurance the family went on holiday nothing left but rotting flowers on an unattended grave the epitaph has faded badly no one reads it anyway
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| Tuesday, March 6th, 2001
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6:36 pm - here's the somethin
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Writing has been ocupying my time recently, which has put school as one of my last prioraties. This must change.
Social gatherings are taking up a lot of time as well. The Anti-Flag concert was awesome, and to top it off there was.... a guy.... and then there was a me.... and then there was fun fun fun!.... You know.
In other news, I obducted a bunch of my teacher's books to read and never return. I really love to read and I really enjoy writing, and therefor school, being mostly made up of Spanish, Photography and Math is boring. Tisk tisk tisk. Ah, well, you know how it is. I'm not supposed to like school anyway.
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| Sunday, February 25th, 2001
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3:26 pm - Indebted To Clyde Skot
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You told me you knew everything but look at what you've done - You'll never know that I finished therapy and now I'm feeling strong - You'll never know that since you left my days have seemed so long - You'll never know how our poster looks or what it took to do - You'll never know what I got for Christmas or what I could have given you - You'll never hear my voice again so please just don't forget it - You'll never be able to read this note and babe I will admit it - I miss you - You'll never see me with my braces off or know I dyed my hair - You'll never know what I knew I had nor how much I cared - Because you died before I answered please just don't forget it - And babe I will admit that - I would of said "I do"
P.S. By the time we're through the whole world will turn around to look. Happy Easter Clyde. I love you love you love you and only love you more and more.
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3:26 pm - Indebted To Clyde Skot
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You told me you knew everything but look at yourself now - You'll never know that I finished therapy and now I'm feeling strong - You'll never know that since you left my days have seemed too long - You'll never know how our poster looks or what it took to do - You'll never know what I got for Christmas or what I could have given you - You'll never hear my voice again so please just don't forget it - You'll never be able to read this note and babe I will admit it - I miss you - You'll never know I got my braces off or that I dyed my hair - You'll never know what I knew I had nor how much I cared - Because you died before I answered please just don't forget it - And babe I will admit that - I would of said "I do"
P.S. By the time we're through the whole world will turn around to look! Happy Easter Clyde. I love you love you love you and only love you more and more.
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| Monday, February 19th, 2001
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3:04 pm
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| Wednesday, February 14th, 2001
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8:10 pm
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"Gentlemen," concluded Napoleon, "I will give you the same toast as before, but in a different form. Fill your glasses to the brim. Gentelmen, here is my toast: To the prosperity of The Manor Farm!"
There was the same hearty cheering as before, and the mugs were emptied to the dregs. But as the animals outside gazed at the scene, it seemed to them that some strange thing was happening. What was it that had altered in the faces of the pigs? Clover's old dim eyes flitted from one face to another. Some of them had five chins, some had four, some had three. But what was it that seemed to be melting and changing? Then, the applause having come to an end, the company took up their cards and continued the game that had been interrupted, and the animals crept silently away.
But they had not gone twenty yards when they stopped short. An uproar of voices was coming from the farmhouse. They rushed back and looked through the window again. Yes, a violent quarrel was in progress. There were shoutings, bangings on the table, sharp suspicious glances, furious denials. The source of the trouble appeared to be that Napoleon and Mr. Pilkington had each played an ace of spades simultaneously.
Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
- George Orwell, Animal Farm
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| Monday, February 12th, 2001
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5:10 pm - It'll Take A While, Will It?
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Hiding in your world
Sky as dark as black
Love is a very strong word
But if love can bring you back
Well
Time will only tell
What happens now and then
And if you can't bare
Well there's no consequence
Holding back the tears
Waiting for your trust
The only thing left to do
Is wait for peace unless
Time will only tell
What happens now and then
And if you can't bare
Well there's no consequence
Hiding in your world
Sky as dark as black
Love is a very strong word
But if love can bring you back
I love you
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| Wednesday, February 7th, 2001
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8:44 am - Caged
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Like a wild cat, I feel caged. I've been shoved so many times. And who knows what is wrong and what is right? Who cares why I stay up all night thinking about how it used to be; wondering why it cannot be. Oh doll face can't you see? I'm drowning in my misery.
Today my mother scouted out another flaw of mine. You can't blame her, she's only doing her job. I love her, but I feel caged. 'Freedom only comes with responsibillity' - and how many times has she said this? Too many to count. She's marrying Joel this coming summer. If we get enough money oh what a blast it'll be.
Oh what a blast, oh what fun. What a fucking hoot my life's turned out to be. Life is many things. Many, many different, complicated things:
You learn, you cry, you fail, you try, you win, you gain, and when you've started all over again you die. You're supposed to have a special purpose, yet you're born to fit in with the rest.
Nobody understands, Clyde. Nobody. You understood, and then you failed. You learned, you cried, you failed, you tried, you won, you gained, and when you'd started all over again you died.
When bringing you smile out into the world, there aren't any more "you're supposed to"s. For ever and ever more. You are your own world. You are your government, your country, your people, your communittee. It doesn't matter any longer, without records, what you used to want; to believe, to see, to scout.
Mother is doing all the scouting she can, and father is falling away from me. My friends are changing; they're no longer there. Maybe I've just changed. Maybe we're all supposed to live in confusion. Utter confusioin and pain. I am in agony. I am more than confused. I am trying to release what I feal, but the words I'm searching for are gone. I'm gone.
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| Sunday, January 21st, 2001
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7:23 am - wait wait waaaaiiiit!!!!
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Alright, yes, I'm quitting LiveJournal but I must make a few corrections before I completely excuse myself from this delema. Therfor, I completely take bake the following (i hopes that those whome I've mistreated/misjudged shall one day forgive me):
1. Calling Joel names. He's a fantastic guy, and I don't even remember why I said things about him. It's not at all respectfull and I regret entirely. You shouln't ever insult someone that you love and loves you, because it's really really uncool. And Dad (Joel) must realize that those things weren't at all true, I was just in a bad mood. That is the only reason I say these things, when I'm feeling intallerable and mean, and when that happens it's bad. I love you Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Calling my Grandmothers names. That was also very petty of me, and I also take it back. I really cannot remember why I said that, and it was horrific and inhumane of me. I love you Grammy and Trish!!!!
3. I am utterly and completely sorry for behaving the way I did, and I have promised myself and Mom to stop doing those kinds of things. It was imature and stupid of me, and I know I'll get grounded for those things, but at least I learned a few very valuble lessons: Don't do things behind others' backs, don't lie about it!!!! Do not show private information to the public!!!! Don't ever diss those that you love and/or love you!!!! Always have respect for yourself and respect for others!!!! And listen to your Mom....
Anyway, I think that's covered it. Dad, please forgive me, as well as all the others I decieved while writing in my journal. Mom, please forgive me for acting the way I did, because I won't do it anymore. Ground me if you must, but I learned anyway.
Love you lots,
--Samara Wara Shtuff
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7:23 am - wait wait waaaaiiiit!!!!
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Alright, yes, I'm quitting LiveJournal but I must make a few corrections before I completely excuse myself from this delema. Therfor, I completely take bake the following (i hopes that those whome I've mistreated/misjudged shall one day forgive me):
1. Calling Joel names. He's a fantastic guy, and I don't even remember why I said things about him. It's not at all respectfull and I regret entirely. You shouln't ever insult someone that you love and loves you, because it's really really uncool. And Dad (Joel) must realize that those things weren't at all true, I was just in a bad mood. That is the only reason I say these things, when I'm feeling intallerable and mean, and when that happens it's bad. I love you Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Calling my Grandmothers names. That was also very petty of me, and I also take it back. I really cannot remember why I said that, and it was horrific and inhumane of me. I love you Grammy and Trish!!!!
3. I am utterly and completely sorry for behaving the way I did, and I have promised myself and Mom to stop doing those kinds of things. It was imature and stupid of me, and I know I'll get grounded for those things, but at least I learned a few very valuble lessons: Don't do things behind others' backs, don't lie about it!!!! Do not show private information to the public!!!! Don't ever diss those that you love and/or love you!!!! Always have respect for yourself and respect for others!!!! And listen to your Mom....
Anyway, I think that's covered it. Dad, please forgive me, as well as all the others I decieved while writing in my journal. Mom, please forgive me for acting the way I did, because I won't do it anymore. Ground me if you must, but I learned anyway.
Love you lots,
--Samara Wara Shtuff
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| Friday, January 19th, 2001
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5:12 am - the last good-bye
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Hello. Well, I recently discovered that my parents had found out about LiveJournal.com and read all my entries. I suppose you might understand how aggravating this is to me.
I started LiveJournal knowing that anyone could access it, but since I like typing more than writing with pens/pencils, so I chose LiveJournal over my regular journal.
Anyway, now that I understand that anyone can and will access LiveJournal at one point or another, I'm going to quit putting in entries. This is the last you will ever hear from me, and I'm really sad about that. I'm crying, actually; not only because I'm not going to be on LiveJournal any longer, but because of my parents. It feels shitty. It's like, the internet sucks. And I can't keep anything private on the internet so why even use the internet? I hate it.
Anyway, I'll miss this thing, but it's for the better. Much love
--Samara
current mood:  crushed
current music: Madness - Madness
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| Sunday, January 14th, 2001
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3:26 am - ooooh yeah - bombshell baby!
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Ha! I get to um tell you things now.
First of all, today I got back from Wenatchee. I rode the train there and back with my mom and all and it sort of sucked except for that on the train ride there I was serounded by very attractive 14 or 15 year old preppy snowboarder guys and they were lots of fun, really.
See, I went down to the bottom of the train where the bathrooms and Smoking Lounge were and all and they were all flocking around and talking and laughing and all and shtuff. Then I asked this girl that was with them, like, the only girl that was, and shi was very nice and from there on I just got acquainted with all of them and since I was hyper they all thought I was stoned off my ass even though I kept on reassuring them that I was sober.... ah well, and so we just sat in the Smoking Lounge and I was *sigh* the center of attention and they loved me. =) They really did. I mean, they kept on saying to each other "THIS is what makes a train ride fun!" and when I said, "you know what, I gotta run" they all said, "noooo" and I know that I'm boasting quite a lot and all, but I have the right because I never feel that anyone really truly loves me and I love being the center of attention more than anything. The only thing that could of made it better would be if one of the guys put his hand down my pants but that's alright.
Anyway, Wenatchee was awful and boring and dull and everyone was either a lesbian hick with short hair or an old shrimpy farmer guy hick with long hair and it was putrid. Other than that it wasn't that bad, I guess. It's just sad to see small-town folk because they're so fucking confused - I mean, they don't understand anything and they're so ugly.... but my dyke redneck grandmother charactor type person gave me $150 and that was splended.
Nothing much else is going on.... umm, I walked over by Licton Springs type place and asked this beautifull attractive punk rocker lady for a glass of water and shi said yeah and took me into hur silly punkish house with her friend guy on the couch watching a show about samon because 'there isn't anything else on and I might as well learn something'. Christ, that guy really amused me. But shi was a nice lady anyway and was laughing at me the whole time. I guess shi just found it obserd that some little girl with pink hair wanted a glass of water from a stranger and all but it was alright.
Then other things are boring and I'm tired of typing so cheerio darling!!!! Eeeeaaaawwww donkay!!!!
current mood:  happy
current music: Operation Ivy - Operation Ivy
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3:26 am - ooooh yeah - bombshell baby!
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Ha! I get to um tell you things now.
First of all, today I got back from Wenatchee. I rode the train there and back with my mom and all and it sort of sucked except for that on the train ride there I was serounded by very attractive 14 or 15 year old preppy snowboarder guys and they were lots of fun, really.
See, I went down to the bottom of the train where the bathrooms and Smoking Lounge were and all and they were all flocking around and talking and laughing and all and shtuff. Then I asked this girl that was with them, like, the only girl that was, and shi was very nice and from there on I just got acquainted with all of them and since I was hyper they all thought I was stoned off my ass even though I kept on reassuring them that I was sober.... ah well, and so we just sat in the Smoking Lounge and I was *sigh* the center of attention and they loved me. =) They really did. I mean, they kept on saying to each other "THIS is what makes a train ride fun!" and when I said, "you know what, I gotta run" they all said, "noooo" and I know that I'm boasting quite a lot and all, but I have the right because I never feel that anyone really truly loves me and I love being the center of attention more than anything. The only thing that could of made it better would be if one of the guys put his hand down my pants but that's alright.
Anyway, Wenatchee was awful and boring and dull and everyone was either a lesbian hick with short hair or an old shrimpy farmer guy hick with long hair and it was putrid. Other than that it wasn't that bad, I guess. It's just sad to see small-town folk because they're so fucking confused - I mean, they don't understand anything and they're so ugly.... but my dyke redneck grandmother charactor type person gave me $150 and that was splended.
Nothing much else is going on.... umm, I walked over by Licton Springs type place and asked this beautifull attractive punk rocker lady for a glass of water and shi said yeah and took me into hur silly punkish house with her friend guy on the couch watching a show about samon because 'there isn't anything else on and I might as well learn something'. Christ, that guy really amused me. But shi was a nice lady anyway and was laughing at me the whole time. I guess shi just found it obserd that some little girl with pink hair wanted a glass of water from a stranger and all but it was alright.
Then other things are boring and I'm tired of typing so cheerio darling!!!! Eeeeaaaawwww donkay!!!!
current mood: happy
current music: Operation Ivy - Operation Ivy
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| Tuesday, January 9th, 2001
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6:07 am - uhh
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| Sunday, January 7th, 2001
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8:16 am - hey sexy stuff
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You drunken bastard, you! Anyway, I guess we should catch up on things, eh? Of course.
Well, today and yesterday I stayed home and did things around the house and finished up on homework. Tomarrow is school. I'm quite excited, if you want to know the truth. I miss all my friends and the chairs that we sit in and hating Ernie for giving me so much to do. Those are the really vital things in life, they really are. I love things like that.
I love hearing about people's thoughts about things. Not weather or not they skate-board or something stupid like that. I love hearing about what people think about particular things. Like their favorite color or time of day or name and something. Like, I love knowing what color people's houses are and the paterns on their dishes and stuff about their shoe-laces and how when was the last time they showered or ate pork and something. I love very particular things, I really do. They're so much more vital to me than what school someone goes to or what they do on weekends. That kind of thing bores complete hell out of me. I don't know if anyone in the world understands how I feel, but it's just the way Samara works.
For other news.... um, my current Special Purposes are: 1. To find and get some action 2. To completely fuck up as many things and/or people as I possibly can.
There's nothing else on the agenda for now. I'm not even craving a long-term relationship with someone that could love hell out of me. Not at the moment, at least. I'm not really lonely. I'm just.... bored and I want a hand in my pants and a dick in my mouth.... I really do.
Other than that everything is alright. I'm feeling quite spiffy at the moment. How come really attractive guys breed in small towns? I was in Edmonds today and it's a very shitty run-down place. Like Tacoma or Renton or Lynwood or something. It's quite depressing to hang around people in small towns. But anyway, I saw one very very veeeery attractive guy there. The tall and slender kind. My faaaavorite. He was probably a very boring guy and all - probably liked basketball and Limp Bizkit and super-models and all. Those kinds of guys are quite a bore. Like Brett, for instance. What a lame cunt. Or like Brent - he's pretty attractive. He's the kind of guy that you want when you're in a desperate mood.
Anyway, it's just weird in small towns. I mean, I guess there aren't too many attractive guys in small towns. There's mostly old people that smell like pea who carry around whicker bags and can hardly see over the stearing wheel and all. But when you do spot an attractive girl/guy, he/shi's reeeeaaaally attractive. I mean, ooh la la - you just wanna rip off all their clothes and fuck them right then and there, no kidding.
I guess that's it for now. Night night.
current mood:  horny
current music: Osker - Treatment 5
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| Wednesday, January 3rd, 2001
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12:56 pm - are you leaving?
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Hello. I just got back from Larry's Markets and I bought a thing of chocolate chip cookie dough and I'm sick from it. Ahhhh.... alright. And on the way there and the way back all of the guys in their cars were staring at me and it got to me, it really did. I mean, it irritated me, so I shouted out "stop looking at me!" and then a few of them just honked. I don't know what that was supposed to mean.
Things just aren't what they seem anymore. I have a very strange feeling in my stomach - and it's just not from the cookie dough. It's not meloncholy, I don't thing. It's not even confusion anymore. It's not like waking up from a bad dream, and it's not like I'm going through pain or anything. I don't know what it is. It's like, I've lost my sense and my control.... sort of like like I've lost my mind. Well, not I'm crazy, just like I'm really truly living in a world of my own. It's weird feeling, but I don't really mind it.
current mood:  numb
current music: Rancid - Life Won't Wait
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| Tuesday, January 2nd, 2001
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11:07 am - ....
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11:03 am - okay....
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Alright, I just needed to make a couple evaluations or something. One, please excuse the fact that I'm always putting two identical journal entries in, one after another. This whole website confuses me, is the thing, I apoligize. Two, I meant to say "New Year's Resolution" not "Revolution". I'm sort of stupid that way.
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anxious