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June 7th, 2004

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June 6th, 2004

02:39 pm - Oh so tired and yet so excited... what a weird combo! Ok so I am done work for the weekend but I am so damn exhausted! Not to mention over the past two days I got punched in the jaw by a little old women and had my right forearm totally bruised up by a little old man. Work is so grand :) Old people are so cute... but let me tell ya they got some mad power going on when they wanna! Ok... so I am trying to pack for fest and although I know I am organized I totally don't feel like it. Thanks goodness Buzz is gonna help me pack up. I am so excited. Mostly about giving the "special bags" away. tee hee hee I love to give people surpises and gifts. Also I have found that I am not so much of a gardener the way my mother was. My veggie garden is totally dying and if Buzz doesn't water them while I am gone, they will completely die for sure. *note: make a to do list for Buzz* My flowers are doing pretty good though. My Monkey flower came back... that make me happy. I'm tired and need a nap.... Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: george clinton

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June 4th, 2004

12:13 am - Life... I am so not happy with my life right now. I have become what I have always feared. Lazy, fat, and non-motivational. I have become dependant on those around me and through which I have lost my own dependence... my own self. I feel like I should be doing SO much more with my life. I should have more saved and more accomplished. I am happy with Buzz and I have told him this. It is just the rest of my life that I am not happy with. Why can't I be the person I use to be in highschool!?! Outgoing, beautiful, active, outspoken, popular, thin.... *sigh* It is like my life has become the complete opposite. I still really don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel I have been forced into nursing in the process of growing up. I don't even really know who I am or what it is I should be doing. Urgggg.... this is so frustrating. I know I am meant to be here to do something wonderful and spectacular... but what!?! I tried to talk to Buzz about this tonight but he just didn't seem to understand what I was saying. He kept thinking that it had to do with school and that "I am a student therefore where I am at is ok"... well to me it is not ok. I hate feeling this way. It is SO much more than "being a student and school"... it is EVERYTHING!!! Maybe I am the only one who understands it. Of course I am cause I am the only one who knows what is going on in my head. Current Mood: confused

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June 3rd, 2004

04:12 pm - Let go home so we can be alone... I have been feeling like crap for the past day or so. I can't really eat.. guess that might be a good thing ha ha. Seriously though... my tummy is upset. Better than last night but still feeling wierd. Had a huge sad moment last night.... blah blah blah. Getting ready for WC and am ecited and nervous at the same time. So many things are wondering through my head. My goal for the week is to meet someone and befriend them, girl or boy. I have a hard time making friends on my terms so being in a pagan environment might allow me to meet this goal. I am looking forward to hanging with Kerry and all her friends. I also feel honoured that she invited me to go to her sacred/special event. I am also looking forward to camping. I am such an outdoors type of girl. Feeling sort of like there is something more out there in life that I need to find/accomplish. But, what is it!?! I love nursing, even though sometimes I say I don't *it's just the fear*), but is there something more I can or should do with it? I have no idea. BLAH BLAH BLAH... Current Mood: confused Current Music: david bowie - ziggy stardust

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June 1st, 2004

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May 31st, 2004

01:05 pm - Dreams... Last night I had a weird dream that felt extremely real... I was at an outdoor gathering or some sort and there was drumming and dancing going on around a fire by a very very very large group of people. For some reason I was drawn in to one particular person drumming, out of hundreds... almost like hypnotized. I walked over and locked eyes with this person. I could feel their rhythem as they played. I can still remember their face but I don't know who they were. He was male though. I sat beside him, like a queen sits beside her king. I felt powerful, loved, and sensual all at the same time. We talked, laughed and listened all while continuing to stare at one another's eyes. His last words were, "you are the one, you are worthy!" We both got lost and then the sun came up. WTF does this mean? Current Mood: sick

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May 27th, 2004

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02:28 pm - Gardening.... who?..me!?! I bought a bunch of new flowers. I am going to go and palnt them right now. I also bought some veggies to plant in the veggie garden. Best of all I bought sunflower seeds so I can try and grow them. I have always wanted to since I was little but never did. I also got some Hosta plants to put down at my dad's grave sight the next time I go. They have a 10 year life spand. Time to go and dig the fingers into the earth whoo hooo. Current Mood: artistic

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May 26th, 2004

12:50 am - Sitting on the porch drinking ice cold Cherry Coke... or woody's... Funny how life goes up and down so fast. Feelings mess with your head and you don't know if you are coming or going. Isn't life great!?! Well when you look at the big picture, yes it is. People, including myself, often take for granted the little things that make life so wonderful... some within mine include... a hug a kiss from Buzz's soft sweet lips being around people who make me comfortable laughing uncontrollably sneezing Sneaky and cats in general, especially when they purr smell of freash cut grass a hot shower lying down to sleep when you are super tired sleeping in with comfy blankets getting up early on a beautiful day jeeps a good drink after a hard days work good food creating things *eg. sewing* silence on a morning walk the suns warmth the moon's brightness bubble bath freshly shaved legs with a new razor a country drive seeing old friends meeting new and beautiful ones painting toe nails smiling or making someone else smile the smell of flowers grass between the toes i could go on and on.... Life is beautful and needs to be embraced with open arms. :) Current Mood: creative

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May 21st, 2004

07:01 pm Wow. I really haven't updated in awhile. I have been busy studying for my mid-term summer exam tommorrow for the class I am taking called Women, Work, and Family. I am so loving it and learning. Who would of thought you could learn something by reading and being interestes in a subject. So I have a night shift tonight, then I get off at 7am, drive over to Kerry's to change vehicles, comehome and catch a few housr of zzzzz's, then wake up review, and drive to my exam for 2pm. I just hope I can remember all the def'n and concepts. It's a lot of info for three weeks. Other than that once again I am doing nothing for may 24. I swear this is going to freakin change next year when I have my jeep done. Buzzy is gone to Owen Sound for the weekend so I am all by my lonesome. Its cool though cause he needs to get away and have some fun. He has been so busy working and working of the truck, trying to get it ready for our California trip. I could tell he was bummed though cause he didn't have his truck even close to being ready for this Current Mood: accomplished

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May 15th, 2004

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May 13th, 2004

08:43 pm Had a good day today.. went to Peterbourough with Kerry and wee Dan. Checked out Value Village for some good outfits for this weekends hippy dress up outing, went to Red Lobster for my first time and ate, you guessed it... lobster, then went down to tribal voices and bought a few more things. All and all it was a great day. Just had a little nap and now I am good to go. Not sure if I should go out or stay home though. Current Mood: contemplative

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May 12th, 2004

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12:13 am - *Pat on the back* I DID IT... I DID IT... Tonight I ran my 3km without stopping once! I nearly died BUT I did it. I feel so great and the guilt for eating those Oreo cookies is now gone lol. I am going to do this. Now the next part is cutting back on the shitty stuff. I think by keeping track of what I eat will help me keep track of how I am doing. So disreguard food traking info that you see in my posts. I can't believe how beautiful the last past two nights have been too. I have new tires for my jeep and life is good. 1 water chicken BLT salad (lunch) plate of pasta & sauce (supper) 1 cup of juice piece of areo bar 5 oreo cookie (oops) 1 glass of milk yougurt Current Mood: bouncy

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May 11th, 2004

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May 8th, 2004

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May 6th, 2004

03:18 pm - Me to the rescue!!!! I jsut finished cleaning the leaves out of out stairway to our door. Underneathe I found a family of worms. Two big huge fat ones and about 10 little ones of all different shapes and sizes. Now, cement is no place to raise a family of worms! So one by one I moved them to the flower bed right by the door. I spent a few minutes watching as they explored their new home. I think they will like it there. It is the small things in life that make life so worthwhile sometimes. I feel alot better and not so mad now :) Current Mood: content

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02:49 pm Grrr... thank god for this journal SO I CAN FUCKIN' VENT!!! So I applied to the old age home that I am working at now for midnights. I was extremely specific when I stated both IN PERSON and on my COVER LETTER that I could only work nights. They called me, and said the CMI hours are going up so we will be able to give you approx. 30 every two weeks. *this is not including call-in shifts* So I was like perfect. Of course today new lines were chosen and with me being at the very bottom of the list... there were no nights left. The boss there fuckin' knew that was the only shift I could work. BITCH!!!!!!!! So I ended up taking a day shift which does give me more hours BUT I have to work Fri, sat, sun and tues. As in the words of Kerry... "they can sux my big white ass!!!" I had to take it though cause I need the money for school. I just had to sux it up!! But on a good note I think I will be able to get the time off that I asked for in June. I just have to write up a request for it. Guess there is always some good in the bad. I am just so pissed but really somethings I just have to suck it up and look at the bright side of things... I am only there for 3 months and then californis baby. So when I am on the road I will just sit back and laugh!!! Current Mood: bitchy

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May 5th, 2004

01:40 am - Cough Cough... Well this sucks... I'm sick and have a dry hacking cough that won't go away, FUCK! Just ordered my books today for my summer course that I am taking... Woman, Work, and the Family. Should be interesting. Except the freakin mid-term is on may 24 weekend but I think it might get changed. I have a urge for knowledge lately... like WTF!?! May's Goblin(s) = Skuell and Sneek Two of the most evil hearted villians you are likely to come across in the Labyrinth. They have lived as bandits for many years on the edge of the Great Howling Golf. Why they choose this spot to live in uncertain. But they were both notorious for what they would have done if there had been anyone to do it to. Example: It is rumoured that Sneek would have disguised himself as an easygoing polo player, who would challenge inncocent passers-by to a game of polo that he would always win. Skuell on the other hand would wait for travellers who were picnicing and as soon as they would have eaten too much or were drunk, he would leap out and steal their toothpicks! Current Mood: sick

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