[

mood

|

depressed

]

God, I was so tired last night. I could barely muster the energy to call the fogies up at 8:30. Yet I still ended up turning the lights out at 9:30 so I wasn’t asleep much before 10. Well only tomorrow morning and then I can treat myself to another huge lie in, and an evening in bed with a good book. I think I’ll have to go to the library again on Friday though. Its cheaper than DVD and better for me as I’m not tempted to buy any wine or fags to accompany a book.

The only problem with libraries is that I get so overwhelmed by all the books and find it hard to choose one. I ended up with two from the best sellers lists, but that’s really not much of an indication of quality is it?

I cannot express how much I am looking forward to the weekend, and having Monday off work.

[	mood	|	awake	]
[	music	|	Traffic	]

It’s when I switch on the radio in the morning to hear that Kerry Chipshop has won I’m a Celebrity ,that I am really grateful that I no longer own a television. LBC have been covering it in all of their news bulletins, giving the odds for each contestant. Never has their been a more tedious spectacle. So instead of watching television last night, I deep conditioned my hair, had a hot bath and was in bed by 7:45 with a pile of CVs and application forms. I actually slept through the entire night. Gotta love those earplugs…

Spoke to mama over the weekend, she’s coming over in March for a fortnight or so. Should be quite good, as we won’t have to put up with papas behaviour. They also need a break from each other. I do feel guilty that he won’t be coming though, but it’s his choice, he really hates coming back here. I’ve just got to keep reminding myself of that.

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	office silence	]

Well, that was a nice weekend. I had a nice time at pauls place, we mooched and relaxed together. Had a lie in on Sunday, and looked around the shops for some floor tiles. I git home on Sunday at 6 and just crashed with my sewing. I had some birthday cards to make up, and Caroline fridge magnets to wrap for posting. So again, another productive day. I could have done with a bit more sleep last night though. I think it will be bed at 8 for me, with hot chocolate and a good book. I’m re-reading Persuasion, but have to go to the library at some point this week to get my hands on something new. I fancy a really trashy chick lit book. I know, I know…

[

mood

|

depressed

]

Yep, I was right. Today is going to be just as shit. After attending a meeting with 'wonderkid' I am now completely demoralised about my career options, life and prospects. Why has everything conspired to land me in this pile of nothingness? I really feel like a failure in life and I am only 27. What next? More failure and inadequacy?

Only 4 hours left in this bloody place and then I'm off home to binge eat frankfurters and sulk.

[	mood	|	pessimistic	]
[	music	|	the office is waking up	]

Well, yesterday was an all round miserable day. I was mooching over Paul, and despairing over job and life in general. I know there are more important things to be unhappy or worried about but these all make me sad, and not having anyone who I can reliably count on to just listen is a worry. N and I were bitching by email as usual. At least it’s not just me who feels like life is passing them by.

I rang Paul to say goodnight, but he was busy and said he’d call back. As usual it was about 40 minutes later, by which time I had put the earplugs in and turned off the lights. I was short with him and didn’t talk for very long, he should know not to ring back so late when I have to get up so early (this sleep issue is getting to be big with me). But I got so wound up and so annoyed that he’d called back so late that I ended up calling him back. Well, I couldn’t sleep and I wasn’t just going to lie there awake all night agonising over stuff. We just chatted, I felt better, got to sleep a little while later.

Yesterday was just not a good day. Today looks like it won’t fare much better. Outlook is down because there’s a problem with the network, and I can’t open up the web page which I am attending a meeting about at 10. Oh joy of joys. Already I am wishing I was at home in that lavender scented bath (sans evil netty thing).

[	mood	|	amused	]
[	music	|	office cleaners hoovering	]

Random nipple accident yesterday. There I was in the bath, happily buffing away with a soapy net buffer type thing, you know the ones that always seem to come free with a bottle of Olay shower gel? When suddenly I snag it on the barbell of my nipple piercing. Un-snagging was not easy given soapy wet conditions, smallness of netting and sensitivity of nipple (and we're talking much sensitivity).

After a few futile attempts at untwisting it I finally staggered out of the tub, clutching said wet, soapy netty thing to my chest whilst dripping suds everywhere. Fortunately the nail scissors were in the right place for once and I ended up just cutting the damn thing off – the netty thing that is, not the nipple…

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	printer noises	]

Well, on Friday I gave in to my deep rooted shoe fetish and logged on to the Next web site. £110 later (including P&P;) I have a beautiful pair of brown suede boots and a pair of large buckle flats. I have also spied at least four other pairs of shoes that I would like to buy, but as it’s winter I can hang on a bit longer until I give in to the 4 inch mules….

I am a happy girl today. So why I am posting here is anyones guess. This is usually misery central for me.

[	mood	|	exhausted	]
[	music	|	offcie phones, the never ending whine of doom.....	]

I have pretty much finished everything for today that really needs to get done and now I am bored. Just goes to show how hard work is bad for you!

At least I only have 50 minutes to kill before I get to escape. My body aches and my brain has just about given up on me. Just need my sofa, a cup of hot chocolate and the radio. Bliss...

[	mood	|	hopeful	]
[	music	|	Big Ben chiming	]

Well, bought the ear plugs, set the clock radio to high and managed to get a quiet nights sleep despite the lunatic upstairs clanking around. Result! May have to get better ear plugs as one popped out in the middle of the night, which lead to me waking up, but all in all I am pleased with the result. Should hae done this sooner.

Mind you despite getting a seat on the tube, a quiet office, and a productive day it just isn't natural to my system to be up at 5:50am. I am SO looking forward to having a long lie in on Saturday morning.

And yesterday was another 'normal' evening at home with a DVD and an early night. Did all the things tat are good for my soul; soaked in a hot bath, washed my hair, watched Gosford Park, drank hot chocolate, cooked and ate a yummy stir-fry, cleansed and moisturised...

Didn't get to speak to Paul for too long as he was at the NDC conference and it's always hard to have a night time conversation when you know someones standing in a busy hotel lobby with poor reception on their mobile phone. Didn't have anythng new to tell him anyway, I still hate my job more each day, still feel depressed, still feel like I'm just about hanging on.

I really just need to look after myself a lot more, but it is hard to stay on the right track. Hae to keep reminding myself what to do every day. Problem is i get compacent as soon as I get happy. Ah well, such is life.

[

mood

|

tired

]

I hardly got any sleep last night thans to the mad woman upstairs who decided that from 12 to 2am she was going to do her spring cleaning. Silly, stupid, selfish woman. There was not much I could do apart from bang on the ceiling a couple of times but it didn't make much difference. Her flat is in the next building so I wasn't keen on getting up in the middle of the night and ring her buzzer.

I really don't know what to do about this problem. Do I go to the council. or do I approach her myself first? Its been going on for years and almost seems pointless in complain ing about it now. I wish my parents had been a bit more forthright when I was a kid. But, never mind.

So, her I am sitting at work again, ready to fall sleep on my keyboard. I'm so tired its not even funny. I can't function on 4 hours sleep.

[	mood	|	bored	]
[	music	|	radio	]

Well, christmas was fine! No traumas, no hysterics... I have to send Jane a thank you card today. I also got along really well with Janis, which was nice for a change. I can sometimes feel a bit awkward around her because she's not the most open of people.

Saw Paul on boxing day which was lovely, and he came to Coulsdon with me the next day too. He's a sweetie. The rest of the time has been spent lazing around at Pauls place, and sewing. Just doing little things which make me happy. Have finished the pomegranite for MArisa and have started on the apple. At this rate it will be finished well in time for her birthday. I really hope she likes it.

And so today I am going to Pauls mum again. We had a little chat a couple of days ago when I went over for dinner. It cleared up a few queries about her cancer and treatment. I think she sensed that if I knew what was going on I could help Paul deal with it better.

Well, I'm alone here. I wish Paul would get back soon so I can start on my stitching or just do SOMETHING.

[	mood	|	awake	]
[	music	|	rain on asphalt	]

London is beautiful at 7 in the morning, and I mean stunningly so. Today I got to see the Royal Festival Hall illuminated, St Pauls and Canary Wharf all lit up, and the buses going over Waterloo Bridge. I love my city, it will always be my home.

[

mood

|

cold

]

Well, that was a very quick weekend. The annual Christmas Curry on Saturday was a success, much was eaten and much was drunk. But god is it hard work playing hostess. I have a renewed respect for my parents who have had to prepare events and meals like that before.

Yesterday was a bit odd as Paul was supposed to be looking after his kid but she canceled on him at the last minute. So my Sunday was composed of much sitting around waiting for a 14 year old to make a phone call. Oh to be a teenager and utterly selfish…

( dull sewing stuff )


Back to work now. My annoying colleague isn’t in so I am spared her huffing and puffing as she bungles yet another job. Such a drama queen…

[

mood

|

pleased

]

My TV went on Sunday. Yipee! So far have been coping well without the big black box but it is certainly a strange feeling. I had to give it up because the licence costs too much and I am sick and tired of being bombarded with reality TV, makeover programs, repeats, and “100 Best” shows. It seems that my money goes towards doing up other peoples houses and people who do those sarcastic voiceovers. But what I really hate is that I would get home from work and be sucked into those shows, and just end up watching any old crap so that I could fill half an hour of my life.

It has been a little strange not to have the big black box in the corner of the living room, and stranger still the amount of times I have automatically felt like switching on as soon as my concentration waned. I have listened to the radio a lot lately, and have spent more time sewing, making stuff, designing things, but television has still crept in to fill up the spaces like so much useless wadding. I suppose that not having it around means that I am more responsible for my time.

I got home yesterday and actually did stuff instead of sitting down for the last bit of Weakest Link, and The Simpsons. I listened to the radio and stitched a present for my aunt. Instead of taking two weeks to make its going to take one because I don’t have any distractions. And it was much more fun.

I'll have to see how the rest of the week goes. But either way I can't afford a licence so it's amatter of getting used to it.

[

mood

|

sick

]

You are 'Christmas Time is Here, by Golly!', by Tom
Lehrer. Hmm, you really don't like Christmas,
do you? From the moment they start playing
carols in the shops in October to the
appearance of the first Easter Eggs in the
shops on New Years Eve, the rampant hypocrisy
of the Christmas spirit sets your teeth on
edge. You know just how many family fights
start over Christmas dinner, how many people
are injured in the Boxing Day sales, and how
few people actually find Christmas even
remotely merry. You liked Scrooge far better
before those ghosts got to him, and you are
only doing this quiz because you are bored at
work and anything is better than listening to
everyone else discuss their Christmas shopping.
Still, it is two days off work, which does
count for something... Enjoy the break.


What Christmas Carol are you?
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