It's well known that Boo! will bark at anything that moves across his territory (his territory being any place within his sight). He barks at the pedestrians, squirrels, and especially at birds. Usually a light verbal admonishment is enough to silence him. This evening, however, he began to bark angrily, not the usual "hey bub, I'm here so you better not try anything," but a frantic cry that said, "They're here! The invaders are here!"

I got up to see what was distressing Boo! so much and this is what I saw in my neighbor's backyard:

Sixty-four day rejection from Asimov's for Performance Anxiety. Looks like I have the honor of being among the first casualties of Sheila Williams' reign. It'll probably go to Strange Horizons next.

On Sunday, in the course of shopping for groceries, I purchased a tomato. This tomato has now gone missing. It is not in my refrigerator nor rolling around the trunk of my car. The tomato is medium-sized and ripe. If you see my tomato please email me.

Yesterday I spent the sunny afternoon at the horse races. I always enjoy the races, and yesterday I used ten rolls of film attempting to capture its charm. What's not charming, however, is the frustration cause by racing neophytes, those who don't know how to place a bet despite the literally dozens of signs posted everywhere detailing the simple process: State in order the dollar amount, type of bet, horse number(s) (e.g. Two dollars, exacta box, 1-5)

Now I realize that everyone begins in a state of ignorance so I've taken it upon myself to rant provide this helpful primer:

• Follow the simple directions for placing a bet, and for God's sake say the horse's number not its name.


• Don't chat up the guy at the window. He's only interested in a few key words from you. He doesn't care how you did the last race. Neither do the rest of us for that matter.


• If you have trouble remembering your bet by the time you get to the window, write it down.


• Make sure you have enough cash to cover your bet before you place it. If this happens cancel the bet, do not wave and yell frantically to your buddies or spouse to bring you money.


• Do not verbally assault your spouse for placing the wrong bet if you are unable or unwilling to do it yourself. On second thought, do this, it's amusing for the rest of use to watch security lead you from the premises.


• Do not remark on the stature of the jockeys, this is like remarking on the color of the sky.


• When you yell encouragement to the horses they can't hear you much less understand you.


• Make sure you bet on the favorite to win so that my bet on a slightly lesser horse to place or show is worth more.