Book of Life

Tolerating Ambiguity amidst Change

It all started with a successful development within my company, Performance Support Systems. Since 1993, we've marketed and distributed 20/20 Insight GOLD, an award-winning software program that enables organizations to coordinate customized 360-degree feedback and other types of surveys onsite, easily and cheaply. As computer technology advanced during recent years, we migrated much of this technology to the world-wide web in the form of online services. This meant less product to store and ship.

As a result, we decided we no longer needed our warehouse at the home office in Virginia, which meant we could reduce our lease expenses, which meant I had to get my book boxes the hell out of there. Eight years ago when Kathleen and I started our life together in Miami Beach, our little condo had no room for my 3,700 volume library. So I used the company warehouse for temporary storage. After we moved to our current home, we had a lot more space for books, so I made a habit of bringing back a box on my return flights. In May, I was informed that the sixteen remaining boxes needed a new home.

So last week instead of flying, I drove 850 miles up to Virginia, participated in the usual round of meetings and then did what could not be done: I crammed all sixteen boxes and myself into the car and hauled them back to Florida. I stacked the book boxes neatly in my garage, but that presented another urgent problem: if I didn't get my beloved books into the house fairly soon, they would mildew in the humid Florida heat.

The problem was, all the bookcases in the house were already filled to capacity. I even had eight boxes from previous trips stacked in a corner, still unopened. I guess necessity really is the mother of invention, because between Kathleen and me, we designed a new plan for my office. Instead of arranging all the bookcases against the wall, we would pair some of them back-to-back, library style. This would make room for several additional bookcases.

We found what we wanted in Office Depot. At a reasonable price, I could get an attractive bookcase and assemble it myself. Delivery was free and prompt. In two days, the man dropped off four bookcase assembly kits.

But wait...if we're doing all this reorganizing, why not paint the office a nice new color! You know...remove all the books; move the bookcases, furniture and equipment away from the walls; clean, tape and then paint. Which we did. And while the paint dried, I assembled four bookcases, one at a time.

Which meant that for several days I've been creating my blog posts late in the evening, surrounded by total chaos.

The author of Book of Life, tolerating ambiguity...

It also meant that the old bookcases were now judged to be an eyesore. So I ordered three more replacement bookcases, which will arrive tomorrow. In short, my office is getting a complete overhaul. All my books will once again be within arm's reach, arranged in seven matched bookcases. Kathleen will pick out some new curtains and lamps. I'll throw away mass quantities of old files, reorganize, get ready for the future. Everything should be in place by Thursday. Going to kick some literary butt, man.

In any case, I'm getting really, really good at assembling bookcases.

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Work very hard for a very long time, and you’ll be an overnight success story.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Persistence.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Close Encounter with Screech Owls

Last week I had to be in Virginia on business. My first night there I called Kathleen. In an excited voice, she reported this story:

Near dusk, I was wandering around the yard, and I heard a cardinal chipping. I looked into the trees a long time before I saw her, fluffed out and hopping, orange beak flashing against the leafy green. She hopped a few times more and then flew off.

I walked toward the tree, watching the canopy in case her mate was still there hunting. Then my eyes were stopped by an odd-shaped bump on a bough of the tree. It was the back of a gray-brown screech owl, sitting utterly still on a gray-brown limb. The owl slowly turned her head all the way around and looked at me. I held my breath. We stared at each other for several moments, neither one of us moving. Satisfied with her silent examination, she swiveled her head back to the front and returned to stillness.

At that moment I realized I had a problem. The back door was the only unlocked door to the house, and the path to the back door went under the owl’s tree. Would she fly away if I walked under? I decided to go forward, quietly, though her hearing was so keen I must have sounded like an elephant. But she didn't move. I slowly stepped under the tree, bending my head farther and farther back to keep sight of her, until I was under the branch where she sat, my chin pointed up in the air.

At that moment, I saw feathers flash six feet above. There on a small branch sat a fledgling screech owl, his grayish feathers ruffled and spiky. I froze. The adult owl stared down in black-eyed concentration. The baby owl blinked. After a moment when none of us moved I walked on and left them to their silence.

I thought: We don’t need to go to Mars to have close encounters with strange, amazing forms of life.

Photo courtesy of The Birdhouse Network

Two days later, Kathleen had more owl news. That morning as she went out the front door to pick up the newpaper, she looked up and saw the entire screech owl family: two parents and two fledglings, sitting on a branch of our oak tree. Their position was partially hidden by the fronds of a nearby cabbage palm.

We like living in a family-centered neighborhood.

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Be flexible, and life will not break you.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Open-mindedness.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

REMINDER: June is AFFIRMATION Month

NOTICE TO VISITOR: I have declared that June is the month of AFFIRMATION. I've noticed a great deal of life experience and wisdom in the posts of our blog community. What positive thought has helped you through hard times? I invite you to include your own unique affirmation to those above, and together we'll make a resource of inspiration and hope for anyone who needs it.

Please enter your own encouraging, empowering truth in a comment below (one per author). Please limit your text to a sentence or two - a brief paragraph. Include your name and your blog site name/address (if you have one). I'll edit it (if necessary) and add it to the collection of affirmations during the month of June. Thanks for sharing.

Castaneda: The Fourth Natural Enemy

For the past three days, I've been commenting on what I think is one of the most remarkable passages in literature: Chapter 3 of Carlos Castaneda's The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, in which Carlos' mentor, don Juan, gives a metaphorical description of "the four natural enemies of a man of knowledge."
- The First Natural Enemy
- The Second Natural Enemy
- The Third Natural Enemy

According to don Juan, if an individual successfully defeats Power, the third natural enemy in the quest for knowledge, he will ultimately have to face his fourth and final enemy:

"The man will be, by then, at the end of his journey of learning, and almost without warning he will come upon the last of his enemies: Old age! This enemy is the cruelest of all, the one he won't be able to defeat completely, but only fight away.

"This is the time when a man has no more fears, no more impatient clarity of mind—a time when all his power is in check, but also the time when he has an unyielding desire to rest. If he gives in totally to his desire to lie down and forget, if he soothes himself in tiredness, he will have lost his last round, and his enemy will cut him down into a feeble old creature. His desire to retreat will overrule all his clarity, his power, and his knowledge.

"But if the man sloughs off his tiredness, and lives his fate through, he can then be called a man of knowledge, if only for the brief moment when he succeeds in fighting off his last, invincible enemy. That moment of clarity, power, and knowledge is enough."

Throughout Castaneda's books, don Juan is depicted as such a man, physically and mentally alive, creative, powerful and growing even in his later years, until the moment he leaves this world.

For me, don Juan's explanation of the four enemies is the most remarkable stretch of writing I've ever read, not because of its artfulness, but because of its simple truth and usefulness. I know that not everyone who reads it will agree with me. There are many other guides to living and spirituality, and this one is particularly challenging. But since I first encountered it in 1973, it has been the basic outline of how I try to live my life. I do see myself on a journey towards knowledge. I believe I've overcome my first enemy, Fear. I have acquired Clarity a number of times, but following don Juan's caution, I have always considered clarity to be a temporary resource. By defeating Clarity, I've been able to continue learning, which hasn't brought me the "dominion over others" kind of power that most people think of. As I stated in a comment yesterday, power can take many forms: "authority, money, fame, social connections, charisma, physical attractiveness, physical strength, character strength, skill, knowledge...anything that other people need or want is a form of power." What I've experienced is a kind of knowledge-power, which is the ability to explain certain things. As I use it, my task is to refuse to identify with or indulge in it; I try to remain humble and compassionate and use it to help others.

As for the fourth enemy...well, at this time of life it's easy for me to sense him within arm's reach. His presence helps me keep things in perspective, helps me prioritize and act appropriately. I plan to remain as physically and mentally active as I possibly can until the day I die. Like the warrior don Juan describes, I plan to fight off my last enemy until I no longer have the strength to do so.

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Don’t go into battle alone, and you may avoid becoming a casualty.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Teamwork.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Castaneda: The Third Natural Enemy

Yesterday, I quoted the passage from The Teachings of Don Juan that relates the importance of defeating clarity, the second natural enemy of a "man of knowledge." The reward for refusing to embrace what is learned as absolute truth is the accrual of greater understanding, which eventually has such great value that it can be used for any conceivable purpose. Don Juan explains:

"He will know at this point that the power he has been pursuing for so long is finally his. He can do with it whatever he pleases. His ally is at his command. His wish is the rule. He sees all that is around him. But he has also come across his third enemy: Power!"

So power, like clarity, is not only the reward gained by defeating one of the enemies of knowledge, it can also become the instrument of one's undoing.

"Power is the strongest of all enemies. And naturally the easiest thing to do is to give in; after all, the man is truly invincible. He commands; he begins by taking calculated risks and ends in making rules, because he is a master.

"A man at this stage hardly notices his third enemy closing in on him. And suddenly, without his knowing, he will certainly have lost the battle. His enemy will have turned him into a cruel, capricious man."

The senior executives of the fallen Enron corporation are an example of business leaders who accumulated power and came to believe they were invincible. A decade ago, Republican Newt Gingrich was Speaker of the House; I recall glibness, arrogance and, of course, his rapid undoing. Hitler. There are too many examples. Power can corrupt anyone who is strong enough to create a new paradigm, but who is too weak to deny the power offered him.

"A man who is defeated by power dies without really knowing how to handle it. Power is only a burden upon his fate. Such a man has no command over himself, and cannot tell when or how to use his power."

As before, Carlos asks don Juan how to prevent being defeated by Power, and his mentor explains:

"He has to defy it, deliberately. He has to come to realize the power he has seemingly conquered is in reality never his. He must keep himself in line at all times, handling carefully and faithfully all that he has learned. If he can see that clarity and power, without his control over himself, are worse than mistakes, he will reach a point where everything is held in check. He will know then when and how to use his power. And thus he will have defeated his third enemy."

Ironically, Carlos Castaneda himself obtained clarity through an amazing journey of learning, achieved power and was ultimately defeated by it. Twenty years ago, as his books became runaway bestsellers, the author gained enormous international celebrity status. Thousands of people wanted to be disciples. Realizing a business opportunity, he established Cleargreen, an organization that promotes and conducts workshops and sells educational materials based on his writings. In this setting he and his inner circle kept alive the premise that everything he wrote about actually happened. He claimed that this kind of mystical spirituality was possible for those who cultivated a warrior spirit. A cult formed, in which Castaneda wielded exactly the kind of capricious power that don Juan cautioned about in this first book. The story of his unseemly behavior, the sordid consequences among his followers and his eventual demise is told by a member of that inner circle, Amy Wallace, in The Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda.

There aren't many examples of people whose knowledge earned them power and who maintained humility, perspective and compassion. Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt come to mind, and I'm sure there are others. But even these people eventually had to deal with the fourth and final enemy...

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Imagine how things appear to fools, and you’ll judge wisely.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Rationality.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Castaneda: The Second Natural Enemy

Yesterday, I shared don Juan's explication of the first of four natural enemies of a "man of knowledge": Fear. In the same chapter, don Juan explains what follows...

"Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity—a clarity of mind which erases fear. By then a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning, and a sharp clarity surrounds everything. The man feels that nothing is concealed.

"And thus he has encountered his second enemy: Clarity! That clarity of mind, which is so hard to obtain, dispels fear, but also blinds.

"It forces the man never to doubt himself. It gives him the assurance he can do anything he pleases, for he sees clearly into everything. And he is courageous because he is clear, and he stops at nothing because he is clear. But all that is a mistake; it is like something incomplete. If the man yields to this make-believe power, he has succumbed to his second enemy and will fumble with learning. He will rush when he should be patient, or he will be patient when he should rush. And he will fumble with learning until he winds up incapable of learning anything more."

And so clarity is not the end. Knowing something with assurance is not the goal. If one embraces the answers that come with a long journey of learning, he or she is forever limited by that knowledge. Carlos asks how an individual can avoid these mistakes, and don Juan replies:

"He must do what he did with fear: he must defy his clarity and use it only to see, and wait patiently and measure carefully before taking new steps; he must think, above all, that his clarity is almost a mistake. And a moment will come when he will understand that his clarity was only a point before his eyes. And thus he will have overcome his second enemy, and will arrive at a position where nothing can harm him anymore. This will not be a mistake. It will not be only a point before his eyes. It will be true power."

I guess I disclose a significant aspect of myself when I say that, to me, this was a life-altering insight. If I live to be ninety, a ninety-year-long-life-direction-changing insight. There. I said it.

I have known very smart people who were in love with their answers, wedded to their understanding, absolutely closed to more insights. These people aren't my heroes. I reserve my respect for thinkers who assume that knowledge is the current "best guess." Helpful beyond measure, yes, but certain to be replaced when other minds push beyond the current boundary of the known-unknown.

From a young age we're told how things are. Do we stop there? Do we seek new teachers? When breakthrough thinking is published, do we take a close look at it? Are we able to let go of our hard-earned knowledge and replace it with something new? If we can defeat fear and clarity, we can continue the journey of learning, we can remain open to yet more enlightenment and understanding.

But then we encounter the third natural enemy....

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Admit that you don’t know, you’ll create the possibility of learning.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Open-mindedness.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Castaneda: The First Natural Enemy

In Carlos Castaneda's novels, the author's persona is an apprentice to don Juan Matus, his eccentric shaman-mentor and teacher. According to the many books that followed, this apprenticeship lasted over a decade. Don Juan often used the word "warrior" and "man of knowledge" as metaphors for the ideal individual he was helping Carlos to become. Underlying his teachings was the notion that dealing with life was every bit as perilous as going to battle.

One of my favorite passages comes from the first book, The Teachings of Don Juan (1968). While don Juan preferred to make his points experientially, from time to time he would state his wisdom directly. When Carlos asked him what he meant by the phrase "man of knowledge," don Juan said that it was a person "who has followed truthfully the hardships of learning." When pushed to describe what one has to do to become a man of knowledge, don Juan replied, "He must challenge and defeat his four natural enemies." Carlos asked for a clarification, and don Juan gave this profound and challenging explanation:

"When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning.

"He slowly begins to learn—bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid. Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield.

"And thus he has stumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear! A terrible enemy—treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest."

Carlos asked him what he has to do to overcome fear, and don Juan continued:

"The answer is very simple. He must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task."

When I first read this passage, it puzzled me. Afraid of knowledge? Why would anyone be afraid of knowledge? And then I realized, yes, many people do turn away from certain kinds of knowledge. Facts that contradict your understanding. Evidence that challenges the status quo. Things about yourself that you'd rather not know. Problems you'd rather not deal with. Things you hope aren't true. Aspects of your behavior that threaten your relationships. The consequences of your decisions. Information that conflicts with your beliefs. Unpleasant aspects of reality. Disturbing truths. This kind of knowledge really is hard to confront, and the average person turns away.

This passage illuminated the structure of my life for the first time. I did see myself on a quest for knowledge. Don Juan's framework made sense to me: certain aspects of life were hard to confront and it would take a warrior's attitude to cope with them. There were things I wanted to learn, perhaps the most important things in life, and very possibly these were things that people in general didn't want to know about. I decided at that moment that I would remain open to all truths, no matter how disturbing.

And then I read about the other three natural enemies....

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Confront the unknown, and its face will become familiar to you.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Courage.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Your Affirmations

From time to time, life deals a heavy blow. But nearly always you can find reasons to hope. The affirmations below have been offered from your friends in the blog community as rays of light for the hard times. Hopefully, you'll relate to some of what has been shared here, reflect on it and use it to cope with your situation:

The next time you're challenged with adversity, remember that you have the strength within you to do what you have to do, no matter how hard it is.
- Denny at Book of Life.

Take a few minutes each day, no matter what you're faced with, to identify and appreciate the positives in your life. Even something simple like watching the sun rise or set can help you stay grounded and remind you of the joyful things you can count on.
- Meredith

This too, shall pass.
- Susan at Spinning

God's way of hugging us is through the arms of a friend.
- Holly

I am lovable and capable.
- Ivy at Ivy Is Here

Your best friend was once a stranger.
- Sean

I have the strength I need for today.
- Kathleen

Live every day as if it's your last but plan to live forever.
- Penny B. at Centime

I saw this on a bumper sticker: "What Would Scooby Do?"
- Dave at Via Negativa

"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone...?"
- Kingfisher Cove

Opportunity is often marked "PUSH."
- Daisey-Winifred at Animatedstardust

"There's no such thing as being lost—you're just taking the scenic route"...There's more than one way to do things and reach your goals, and "normal" is just a term used by people who want to direct how you live your life.
- Anne at Under a bell

And we know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.
- Marilyn

When the darkness is all around you, and the light is gone from your view, remember to hold on to the promise of light in your memories ... these glimpses will carry you through, at least until you can feel the strength that comes with the warmth of the sun on your shoulders once again.
- ntexas99 at Brain Crayons

NOTICE TO VISITOR: I declare June to be the month of AFFIRMATION. I've noticed a great deal of life experience and wisdom in the posts of our blog community. What positive thought has helped you through hard times? I invite you to include your own unique affirmation to those above, and together we'll make a resource of inspiration and hope for anyone who needs it.

Please enter your own encouraging, empowering truth in a comment below (one per author). Please limit your text to a sentence or two - a brief paragraph. Include your name and your blog site name/address (if you have one). I'll edit it (if necessary) and add it to the above list during the month of June. Thanks for sharing.

Bestofme Sympony #26

This Monday is extra-special, because Book of Life is hosting the weekly Bestofme Symphony! Here in South Florida, the symphony is outdoors, and everything is GROWING, including the insect population and the reptiles, birds, butterflies and other fauna that inhabit the controlled jungle around our house. It's a symphony of motion, sound, fragrance, color and texture. The conductor is Maestro Life-Force, who is lending her spirit to the diverse offerings from the best posts from the past by our diverse group of contributors. Enjoy!

Gaze into the cheerful beauty of the beach daisy and it will bring out the best in you. Helen at Everyday Stranger writes a touching post about unexpected compassion at just the right time, called "The Kindness of Strangers".

The egret is always on the move, working hard to keep life together. Beth W. at Switched at Birth shares a story called "Ballad of the Circuit Riding Picture Seller," which reminds us that even when dealing with a high-pressure salesperson, reaching out with understanding and compassion trumps everything else.

With a little more red and white, this blue wouldn't be so blue... Kiril, owner and operator of Sneakeasy's Joint, wants to make a BIG DEAL out of Election Day. Check out his modest proposal at "MAKE ELECTION DAY A NATIONAL HOLIDAY."

The marsh rabbit takes chances out in the world, but then quickly returns for cover. In her signature post, "under a bell" from October 8, 2003, Anne-Mieke at Under a bell describes an imaginary glass bell as a place to hide when the senses are overwhelmed.

The hibiscus blossom puts you into the mood for something pink! Gary C., the owner at The Owner's Manual shares "Remembrance of Pink Air Past", which reminds us that we used to get more with our gas than just a high price, but in one case quirky ad slogans derailed an entire gas station chain.

Even with all his stripes, this guy's looking pretty good... Mike from Interested-Participant shares with us "Sex for Snacks," an unusual story about a female jail guard who bribed the male inmates for sex.

When the sun sets here in Florida, folks are still brainstorming in California. According to Bill from Idler Yet, things are getting pretty weird there. If some proposals are taken seriously, who should be allowed to vote, if anyone? Check out "Watering Down the Vote."

Sometimes when a cat opens his mouth, he has nothing to say. Susie sends us "Neener, Neener!" from Practical Penumbra, in which she gleefully reacts to bozos with conspiracy theories.

White or violet? The blossoms of the brunfelsia change their colors! From The Smallest Minority, Kevin has selected his post from June 3, 2003: "The ACLU Hasn't Changed Its Tune." Has the ACLU been caught in a self-contradiction?

Flit this way, no that way, then this way... "20 Questions I'd Like To Ask John F*** Kerry" comes from Pietro at The SmarterCop. He asks, "Think Waffles has an answer for any of them?"

This kitty looks sweet but he won't hesitate to defend himself! Jim, custodian of the ZeroIntelligence.net blog site, gives us "Protective Custody," the story of a school that locks up the victim instead of the bully.

A rose for the casket? Or not. The anonymous "Watcher" of Watcher of Weasels submits "Death by Stupidity," in which he declines to mourn the death of an old Jordanian woman who suffered a heart attack while viewing TV footage showing the pathetic site of Saddam Hussein captured by coalition forces.

The blush color of the ti plant...but not from embarrassment! From Dave of Blogo Slovo, we have "What's the Outrage?" in which he decries the insensitivity of liberals he's encountered.

Instead of the Palm d'Or, we present a ferny Palm d'Vert. On Dodgeblogium, The British Pickle in "Junk Food, Junk Journalism" gives a vigorous thumbs-down to the book Fast Food Nation.

A kitty that loves to eat needs portion control! Read Jim's piece "It's Good to be Full?" which comments on the Swanson "Fat Bastard" line of dinners...featured on Snooze Button Dreams.

The caladium's heart-shaped leaves are one of nature's symbols of hope. To conclude today's symphony, Denny, this week's Bestofme host at Book of Life, reminds us that anyone can earn good fortune in his post called "Fortune Cookies".

Thanks to Kathleen for the cute nature pics!

To celebrate the 6-month anniversary of Bestofme, Jim of Snooze Button Dreams, the founder of this weekly blog concert will host next week's Symphony! Check the submission format and submit to bestofme@jpeacock.net before midnight Sunday, June 6th.

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Give others the credit, and a lot more will be accomplished.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Teamwork.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

John Cheever, Homosexuality and Gay Marriage

As everybody knows, gay marriage is a huge issue in our country right now. Whenever I read or hear opinions about gays and gay marriage, I remember my one and only sexual encounter with a homosexual. Actually, he was bisexual. The other fellow happened to be novelist John Cheever, who in the early 70s was a friend of mine. He was a famous short-story writer and novelist, and I was a graduate student writing my doctoral dissertation about him. I lived nearby, and we became friends. After a while, I stopped taking notes, because I had more material than I could use.

One day, something astounding happened. I showed up for a visit at his home in Ossining, New York, and he came downstairs with a manuscript in his hand. "I have just finished a new story," he announced. I was dumbfounded. This master storyteller hadn't written a story in quite a while, and now here he is, holding one in his hand. "Would you like me to read it to you?" Still speechless, I nodded. I knew that I would be the first person in the world besides the author to enjoy this story. It is "The Leaves, the Lion-Fish, and the Bear," which was published in the November 1974 issue of Esquire.

He put his hand on mine and read the story to me. It's a glorious story, vintage Cheever. During the rest of his life, he wrote only two more stories. Afterwards, he asked, "Did you like it?" Ha!

Later we went for a walk in the five acres of woods in the hills behind his house. To make a long story short, he made a pass at me. I was completely surprised. I had no idea he was gay. As kindly as I could, I explained that I was as purely heterosexual as a man could be. We stayed friends, but this new understanding of him caused me to reconsider all my research. I had to rewrite my dissertation, "The Novels of John Cheever," which was accepted by Duke University in 1977.

As a strange footnote to all this, Cheever's bisexuality became recognized as an important thread in his life and work, so the story of this episode is documented in his daughter Susan's biographical memoir, Home Before Dark (1984) and Scott Donaldson's biography, John Cheever: A Biography (1988).

It's no surprise, then, that I have considerable sympathy for gay people. My later research into the brain has led me to understand that many if not most have not chosen to be gay. They simply are gay. While they may not have been born gay, they acquired opposite-sex characteristics during crucial periods of brain and hormone development. When pressed for my views, here's what I usually say:

For some homosexuals, the sexual preference is a matter of choice. They are men with male brains, or women with female brains, and even though they may be heterosexual in all other respects, they may choose same-sex partners.

For others, homosexuality is not a matter of choice. For example, a man may have a male body, but by the time he's fully mature, he may have some female hormonal and brain characteristics. He looks like a man, but inside he also thinks and feels like a woman. This happens because at critical junctures of development before and after birth, when the gender differences in the brain are supposed to manifest themselves, they didn't. He developed female gender characteristics instead. This kind of developmental difference can happen at puberty, too, if the male hormonal development doesn't happen normally. Growing up to be male in all respects turns out to be an uncertain journey.

The same kinds of problems can occur for young women. There are many physical, mental and emotional developmental milestones that can go awry. Why? Scientists aren't sure of the causes. Inherited genes? Environment? Diet? Stress?

The bottom line, though, is that in many (most?) cases, a person did not choose to be a homosexual. His or her body simply developed that way. The sexual preference is hard-wired in the individual, and it can't be undone.

That's my opinion, anyway. On the other hand, I know that this point of view isn't widely held. For many others, including many members of my family, their understanding of this issue is grounded in their religious beliefs. Not too long ago, a friend of mine offered this point of view:

Homosexuality can be changed, just as an alcoholic can change. The point is not what has happened to you or how you were born. The point is what you are doing about it. To legalize homosexuality is going the wrong way, neighbor or not. I dare say you wouldn't condone an alcoholic continually getting worse, destroying him/herself, his/her family, and others; and even legalize his/her behavior because he/she is a nice person or a neighbor or a co-worker. You missed my point--we are all sinners. We must confess our sins and get right with God. We must accept Jesus as our Savior, and receive the Holy Spirit. We must ask for help in correcting our sins, not furthering them. We must stop intellectualizing and rationalizing the world's problems. They will not go away like that. This is not a primitive attitude and lifestyle, it is a fundamental one.

I respect his beliefs and his right to voice his opinion, and I'm sure he respects mine. Also, I'm pretty sure a lot more people agree with him than with me. The bottom line is, we're still friends.

But the interchange impressed me that at least two sides to this question are dramatically different from each other and that this is a potentially divisive issue for our country. As another of my buddies said, "there probably aren't many fence-sitters on this."

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Reach farther with kindness, and you will find more peace.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Compassion.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Dolphins in the Lagoon

[Photo by Kathleen]
Kathleen and I love living next to the Indian River Lagoon. We go on evening walks to watch birds flying to roost as the sun sets, and nearly every time we see dolphins feeding. It's a glorious thing, but the lagoon is being polluted and the dolphins, along with other life in the waterway, are in grave danger.

At our last meeting of the Pelican Island Audubon Society, the featured speaker was Stephen McCulloch, Executive Director of the Division of Marine Mammal Research and Conservation at the Harbor Branch Oceanographic Instititution. Steve has over 30 years of experience with whales, dolphins and sea lions. He also manages a marine mammal stranding program for Florida's east coast. He is working to raise money to construct the world's first teaching marine mammal hospital.

His slides and videos illustrated the threats facing dolphins in our region. He and Marilyn Mazzoil have been photographing dolphins' dorsal fins to make a complete catalogue of the resident dolphins. Since he started his photo-identification program eight years ago, he's catalogued about 500 Atlantic bottlenose dolphins who live in our part of the intracoastal waterway, which stretches over 150 miles from Cape Kennedy to West Palm Beach.

In addition to the growing human population, over 4,000 species of plant and animal life inhabit the region. In his efforts to protect the dolphins, he has learned to appreciate them as a living barometer of the health of this part of Florida. The Indian River Lagoon is a shallow, closed-water system; so run-off, pollution and fresh water that empty into this delicate ecosystem are not regularly flushed by ocean currents. The result is that over half the dolphins they've examined are suffering from "environmental distress syndrome," which manifests itself in various lesions and skin disorders. The viral, bacterial, fungal and protozoal infections cause plaques, warts and cancers. Of the 43 dolphins recently caught, checked and released, all of them had "dolphin pox," a herpes-like condition. 15% had scars from boat hits and shark bites.

McCulloch compared the Indian River Lagoon to a similar lagoon near Mexico, where 350 Atlantic bottlenose dolphins were found. The lagoon there had no human presence whatsoever, and 100% of the dolphins they checked were disease-free. Like my post two months ago about Dr. Grant Gilmore's research, Steve McCulloch's report confirms that something bad is happening to the most diverse estuary in the United States. Steve was straightforward about the nature of the problem, but he maintained his scientific objectivity.

So let me sound the alarm for him: The encroachment of agriculture, business and homes near the Indian River Lagoon has introduced toxic substances which today are threatening life in the waterway, and if the situation isn't turned around, eventually many species could be lost and the health of the people who live here could be endangered.

There.

As always, concerned people ask: "But what can I do about it?" In that regard, Steve passed out copies of Audubon Guide for a Healthy Yard and Beyond. You can get the same guide online. Just click on the Audubon's Guide link to read or download the Adobe Acrobat Reader PDF file.

We'll study the pamphlet. and we'll do something, even if it's just one thing. One change at a time, people can make a difference.

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Study cause and effect, and your life will turn out differently.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Accountability.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

The Crabwood Tree

When we moved into our house six years ago, there were two mature orange trees in our back yard. The navel bore fruit from November to February and the valencia produced from January to June. In spring and summer, orange blossoms would fill the air with a heavenly fragrance. Each tree produced two or three hundred oranges, so the refrigerator in our garage was always full during that time of the year. Many species of birds came to these trees to rest and eat insects. Parrots came to eat the fruit. And we enjoyed the best orange juice in the world.

In the third year, both orange trees got sick. At first, we noticed a dramatic reduction in growth and a thinning of foliage. Twigs began to die back and limbs fell off. One of our friends was an experienced citrus grower; he told us the trees had tristesia. There was no cure. They would have to be removed. Furthermore, he advised against planting new orange trees, because the disease might be in any roots still in the ground.

It was sad to cut them down. The back yard seemed strangely exposed and vulnerable. We mourned the death of two plant-beings that had co-habitated our home and had enriched our lives.

Eventually we decided to replace them with native trees. We prefer Florida native plants because they require less care and the birds and butterflies that live here like them. Ironically, it's hard to find a nursery that carries many native plant species. Nurseries stock mostly the plants that are familiar to the general public. So we had to drive to Melbourne (50 miles), West Palm Beach (100 miles) and Key Largo (150 miles) to find most of our native plants.

One of the trees we brought home is called a crabwood tree. It was only four feet tall when we put it in the ground. It's supposed to be hardy, able to withstand salt, drought, wind and chilly weather. Described as a "small evergreen shade tree," it produces dark-green, ellliptical 2- to 4-inch leaves, semi-glossy on the upper surface. New growth is reddish.

So that part of the yard isn't so bare anymore. What was once a skinny plant that whipped around in the wind has become a small tree. The nursery told us it would be a slow grower, and that turned out to be true. In its third year, it's now only 12 feet tall. This year we noticed migrating warblers using it for shelter. Now that migration is past, the cardinals, blue jays and mockingbirds are frequent visitors.

And for the first time, the crabwood is producing its tiny, fragrant, greenish-yellow blossoms. How nice to see them! Our crabwood is growing into a mature tree! Maybe next we'll have the fruit, which is supposed to be little round darkish capsules.

Which butterflies will come for the nectar? We'll be watching...

Which birds will come for the fruit? We'll be watching...

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

When the door of happiness slams shut, another will open for you.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Optimism.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

When Feedback Fails...

Kathleen is actually a better storyteller than I am, and I've been encouraging her along these lines. She told this story to a neighbor the other day. I've heard her tell it before, and laughed out loud each time. I thought you'd enjoy it, too.

Several years ago I lived in a quaint semi-circle of cottages just off of Main Highway in Coconut Grove, Florida. A lovely two-lane street not far from Biscayne Bay, Main Highway wandered beneath a living archway of live oaks. Most of the homes and cottages that branched off of Main Highway were old—ours was built in the 1930’s—and surrounded by tropical jungle. From my front door I could see hundreds of species of plants crowding together, including various escaped houseplants stretching up for the light filtering through the high, lacy canopy of leaves, an orchid tree that showered our gravel entry in soft pink petals each February, and the mango tree from which I retrieved ripe fruit in June.

Coconut Grove attracted people who didn’t want a suburban life, people who lived left or right of center, what my Texas fighter-pilot father would have grinned and called “independent thinkers.” They were artists, entrepreneurs and dream-sellers who set their own schedules and met for cappuccino at the outdoor café at 9:00 a.m. The lawyers, accountants and bankers (closet independent thinkers) who also lived in the Grove donned suits early each morning for a short commute to a downtown tower. I was in the second group.

Several of the cottagers on my semi-circle were single women. We were careful. Not far to the west was an area of small deteriorating houses and run-down apartments, where an open drug market fueled unpredictable violent crime. On my semi-circle we took precautions—alarms, bars and dogs. The fashion model living two cottages over from me had a large stiff-mannered Doberman pinscher acquired after her first burglary.

I learned about the dog one day when I walked out of my front gate and stepped in a steaming pile of dog doodoo as I fastened the gate. I didn’t actually see the dog that day, just his disgusting excrement squished up the sides of my black pumps, the ones I wore with my black power suit.

The next day, returning from my morning run, I saw her letting the dog out her front door. She looked as if she had just dragged herself out of bed and was about to drag herself back. Sometimes fashion models keep odd hours. The dog ran to my front gate and squatted. I rang her doorbell and asked her, nicely, to please put the dog on a leash in the future and walk it away from the cottages. I pointed at her squatting dog and told her about my pumps. She said she was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again. But the dog left big loose piles at my front gate two more times during the next few weeks. I rang her bell and repeated the request two more times. Sorry, excuse, excuse, won't happen again.

The next day when I opened my gate I saw another mound of steaming poop. This time I scooped the offending pile into a baggie. I rang her bell and handed her the full warm, brown, mushy, stinking bag. “Hi. This belongs to you. Your dog left this in front of my gate. I'm returning it. Every time you let him out he squats in front of my gate. From now on, every time I have to scoop up his shit, I’ll be returning it to your front step with a friendly ring to your doorbell.”

I didn’t have to use the scoop again.

I've written about feedback before, but Kathleen's story drives home the point that it may not always get the results you hope for. So when feedback fails, maybe you do what Kathleen did: try appropriate consequences!

Today’s FORTUNE COOKIE

Admit your error, and your prize will be greater wisdom.

Your fortune will come from this strength within you: Accountability.

Why I leave Fortune Cookies...

Click here to add Book of Life to your MyYahoo.

Book of Life to Host Bestofme Symphony

Every Monday, a different site hosts a feature called the Bestofme Symphony, in which bloggers submit a personal favorite from their archive (must be at least 60 days old). It's a great way to discover new blogs and make new friends.

I think you should elevate the quality of the offerings next Monday by submitting your own favorite today! All you have to do is send the following information by email (before Sunday midnight) to bestofme@jpeacock.net:

Post title:
Post permalink:
Author's name:
Weblog name:
Weblog link:
Description of post:

See you there...