The mouse was a plant.

(Thanks, y'all)

Not so much.

(Thanks to billions of people)

Guy Excuse No. 2038

(Thanks to Theresa Gilman)

For reservations, call Candy in Bangkok.

(Thanks to Laudio)

Here you go.

(Photo question: Do trees grow on trees, up there in Canada?)

(Thanks to Brad Buset)

Tomorrow this blog will take a break from making a soon-to-be-major motion picture and travel to South Dakota (motto: "PLENTY of Parking") to determine whether the deer and the antelope do, in fact, play; and if so, whether they play together, or in separate Wildlife Play Zones. So for a while blogging might be even more random than usual.

There is no need to comment on it.

Apparently. something is making lobsters ugly.

(Thanks to Dr. Paul Smith)

A Florida driver's license is on the way to this man.

(Thanks to COLLINS69S)

Now the ruthless bastards are using eggs.

(Thanks to many people)

Anybody missing anything?

(Thanks to David Dilegge)

This blog is devastated.

(Thanks to many cruel people)

On Sunday, May 30, my daughter (8) and my son (13) and I were driving around the Mohican Valley area of Ohio when we saw one of those Indy-type go-cart tracks. Of course we HAD to do it, so we buy our tickets ($5 for 4 mins.) and go stand in line, which had about twenty people in it. A man and his daughter were at the front of the line. Then this lady, who I will refer to as his wife, and another of their kids barge up through the line to be with them. I didn't say anything, but everyone looked kind of peeved. After about 30 seconds passed, my daughter says, loud enough for EVERYONE to hear, "HEY, THEY JUST CUT IN LINE AHEAD OF ALL OF US!!!" I told her, well, they want to be together, blah blah blah, have some candy, etc. but she says, "THE CARS ONLY HOLD TWO PEOPLE,DAD!" (now everyone knows for sure she's mine) "IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN ALL RIDE TOGETHER!" To which I just kind of shrugged, because, well, she's right...

So what do you think?

By the way my daughter and I totally kicked their butts on the track, coming from the back of the pack to pass both parents with some savvy inside passing and slamming them out of the way mercilessly! Oh yeah, this woman was NOT Halle Berry.

-- Sean "call me A.J. Foyt" in Ohio

This blog feels, reluctantly, that these people technically qualify for the "immediate family" exclusion. But they should have apologized in a groveling fashion, and your daughter was correct to speak out, unless the opposing father was really large, or armed.

And you know there is nothing Dad wants more than a prosthetic stomach actually worn in the movie "Josie and the Pussycats."

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Always ask for a non-snake vehicle.

...you read a feel-good story like this.

(Thanks to Jessica R.)

You might want to hold the soy sauce.

(Thanks to Matthew Souders)

This sounds like a job for Kikkoman.

Stay the hell out of central Florida.

(Thanks to Briank Giovannini)

If you let people get away with this kind of thing, pretty soon the whole country goes to hell.

(Thanks to Brian Giovannini)

But this resort sounds even more inviting.

(Thanks to Thad Humphries)

Do not click here.

(Thanks to ElvisOnIce1)

Look no farther.

(Thanks to Thad Humphries, who states: "Frankly, I don't think I have the nerve to click Positions Available.")

We have a biter in Butte.

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

Now they're using gassy fruit, which would be a good name for a rock band.

(Thanks to Fi Craig)

Some day, face transplants will be a reality, and the world will be a better place.

(Thanks to Steve)

Speaking of which: Was this movie stupid, or what?

Here's a tow-truck driver who gets the job done no matter what.

(Thanks to Steve)

Hey, it's better than American Idol.

(Thanks to Barry Sullivan and Scott Brown)

Now the bastards are using preachers.

(Thanks to Thad Humphries)

Please do not send in items like this, because we are simply not going to use them.

(Thanks to Karen Satlin and Wyatt Dubois and Jeff Meyerson and Mark Howell and OK STOP SENDING THIS ITEM)

Fortunately, this is not what it looks like.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

We imagine this beats escorting funeral processions

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

New York is taking action.

(Thanks again to Mac)

This is what we call being loyal to your dog.

(Thanks to Mac)

Maybe they should send this woman to Oakdale.

(Thanks to many people)

Be on the lookout.

An old movie tradition is that, when you're done shooting a scene, the actors have to police the set. At least that's what they told me.

For businesspersons.

Key quote: Nielsen hopes that the expense of about DKK 30 (USD 5) per head per week will make his staff more relaxed and more efficient on the job.

(Thanks to Michael Greenspan)

Asbos, for instance.

(Thanks to Penny McCrea)

Sir, did you have a permit when you ... ummm.... wait... never mind. No one can prove a thing.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

In a move certain to rock the political world, the Pirate Guys (Cap'n
Slappy - left in photo - and Ol' Chumbucket) endorsed the heaving juggernaut that is the Dave Barry for President campaign.
"Dave is a close personal friend," said the captain, later admitting he never actually met the man, "so endorsing his presidential ambition was just sort of natural for us. We can't think of anyone who stands more forthrightly for the most important issues of the day - namely a belief in the deliciousness of beer."
Seeking to dispel the rumor that the coveted endorsement of the two had been "bought and paid for," as some of the "weasels" in Washington's press corps have reported, Ol' Chumbucket said, "Absolutely not. No money has changed hands. We haven't even changed our clothes. We support Dave because - well, he's Dave. And if we get an ambassadorship out of this, perhaps to some region vital to American interests, say, the Bahamas or any other warm, sunny place, well, that's totally unrelated to our endorsement."

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, the throbbing surging campaign juggernaut Field Coordinator)

If you start letting people play in parks, the next thing you know, you have anarchy.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Life on the set has become increasingly harsh and primitive.

Don't click here if you are easily offended, OK? Really.

(Thanks to Michelle Tourigny)

It's completely out of hand.

(Thanks to Fi Craig)

Two heads are better than one.

(Thanks to Tim Chandler for the story and La Carolia for helping prove that statement wrong.)

This gives new meaning to the term "Organized Crime."

(Thanks again to Punky.)

Though it may be a little hard to swallow.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson for the article, and Ms. Nomer and Punky for the bad puns, which also included "he didn't make the cut.")

Do they grow a different kind of tobacco there?

(Thanks to Ted Sbardella)

... and then he played Pachelbel.

(Thanks to Camille Blanchette)