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Current Music:outkast: hey ya
Current Mood:[mood icon] hyper
Subject:-- send me on my way
Time:09:32 pm
So about prom...
getting really excited. Erika picked me and Dan up, after calling us [abruptly].  Blazing Saddles really does it for me I guess.
It was strange. But good. Crikey.

Dressing up wont be bad just because we got us some Raspberry Smirnoff Vodka, a bottle of Parrot Bay Rum, and Bacardi Limon.
As Lisa said, its not the night, its the motherfucking weekend.
Survival limited.

I am in such a good fucking mood what with seeing Dan tonight and tomarow ahead.

<3 <3 Time toget drunk as your mom...!!!
dsmfnsdkjg


fdgfhfg
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Current Music:ugly casanova: cat faces
Current Mood:[mood icon] restless
Subject:obscure
Time:04:39 pm
boredom )

i. need. words.

i sat on the edge of the bed aware
of you
spread out in front of me.
so we were blowing smoke
through the sieve—
wispy ringlets invincible
even to the wind.
my hands glued to the bed
& stretched and stuck like putty
when i pulled away.

our elbows pointed out jagged
like street signs saying ‘East’
or ‘West’ or ‘Hurry up. Approach with caution.’
they, propped up on lazy knees—
with eyes drooping like watered eggs sliding.

only had one lip,
couldn’t speak the words i wanted
so i stared through the sieve &
warped the world
square.


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Current Music:modest mouse: edit the sad part
Current Mood:[mood icon] dorky
Subject:99 problems but a bitch aint one
Time:10:32 pm
Rob drew Ally's Box on my finger today.

Through all the hollarin (not to asians) I am glad I've seen this.
I had a really good night... it could have been better in one way or another ;)

*sigh*
I hate feelings.
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Current Music:ugly casanova: ice on the sheets
Current Mood:[mood icon] blah
Subject:we left teeth marks on the barrel of the gun.
Time:05:26 pm
in trenches of liquid metal
i am spurted out
and left to die. a black petal
scarred on a hard shoulder
dare not ask one God to meddle.


I smell good food.

Shaddei gives bad head. She told me.
I want to learn how to be nice to people. Loving, even.
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Current Music:modest mouse: edit the sad parts
Current Mood:[mood icon] exhausted
Subject:the stars are projectors
Time:09:24 pm
saw shannon
saw dan
worked like hell.  getting home from work this weekend was like coming home from a constant 24 hour fuck, my entire body was aching, and still is.  all for shrek 2.
saw from the pawn with jen. the music was gay, so were most of the people but i had a lot of fun with jen. hollarin at 12 year olds and makin' a fool out of myself. obiovusly wasted.
i went in the pit, was appraised for being the only girl man enough to go in. got a heel full force in the stomach . when i breath too hard, i get a sharp pain in my stomach.

strangely enough being at From the Pawn made me realize how happy i am to have dan [im such a cop out on the word love but whatever].  when i was riding home in the car with jeff and erin and jen i was just thinking about everyone i saw there, all the 12 year olds i "holla'd" at, all the kids there and none of them add up.
so, yeah
im satisfied.
even though it feels like i never see him.
or has felt like that lately.
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Time:09:39 pm
i need to fuck dan



and ryan should call me.
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Time:03:57 pm

Save Another Kitten: Become Closer to Jesus

By Thomas Thompson, Copyright Associated Press

            Co-founders of a new Christian website appealing to younger age groups, www.XXXChurch.com go by their first names, Mike and Chris.  Their goal: to wipe out the guilt and addiction associated with the widespread use of porn and masturbation.  Mike and Chris coined the euphemism “Every time you masturbate, another kitten dies. Think of the kittens.”  Surely you’ve seen this slogan plastered on boneyourmother, and most likely shrugged it off as a joke, much like the other raunchy content being displayed with the click of a button.  Though most people write the sarcastic message off in good humor, XXXChurch’s message is no joke.  The website includes a X3 Help Hotline, for teens and adults to call if they feel they might bend to their sexual will and become sinners.  XXXChurch has also set up a “10-week program individually designed to meet you where you are,” two of their new over-the-top methods for recruiting youngsters into the realms of Heaven.  The X3 counselors are trained in counseling and “know how to help you break free from some of these ongoing sexual struggles and temptations,” and ultimately, lead teens out of the fiery pits of Hell.  Some of their newer methods in convincing people to become porno-free include a 30-second commercial produced by porn star Jimmy D called "Pete the Porno Puppet," as well as a quest for a 40-Day masturbation fast.  Several of XXXChurch’s believers and followers have pledged to go masturbation-free for 40 days, and are blogging  their day to day accounts, trying to recruit more Jesus-Lovers to take on the same challenge.  XXXChurch's final message? Do not incur the wrath of God.  Quit self gratification.

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Current Music:bouncing souls: ole
Current Mood:[mood icon] bored
Time:10:30 pm
I've decided that you really can't help it.
Literally. There is nothing that stops it.

The only thing that stops It is stopping the emotion that makes It occur.
You know it? I think some of you know what It is.  Maybe Shaddei. I don't know why I think Shaddei.


I am waiting for something to happen.  I am waiting for life to not be books and artwork for me.  I feel amidst the eye of a storm, like the piss I had to take last night, I feel like I haven't done anything stupid in a while.  I'm clutching my metaphorical comforter to my nose, and my hands are trembling. Ha.


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Current Mood:peepee
Time:09:08 pm
iheartralphnad: i forget what the color orange means
iheartralphnad: i would look it up but i have to pee like gods eternal earth and it forces me to not do anything  except hope i dontpee myself or make any sudden movements
Fast300zx145: y dont u just go to the bathroom
iheartralphnad: bc if i move i dont think ill make it
Fast300zx145: but if u sit there itll get worse
iheartralphnad: no no no you see
Fast300zx145: u have a cup near u?
iheartralphnad: i hope it will pass
iheartralphnad: like. the eye of the tornado
iheartralphnad: and then ill run upstairs. quick
Fast300zx145: RUN!!!!
Fast300zx145: GO!!!
Fast300zx145: HURRY!!!!
iheartralphnad: the eye has not yet come
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Current Mood:[mood icon] blah
Time:04:21 pm
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
and i am just going to keep sitting in my house alone until i think of a way to fix it.
which most likely wont be for a few days, anyway.

its nice out. and i want to go to spain and see Gueridon, Verres, Tasses, Mandoline by Picasso.
*sigh*


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Current Mood:unlovred
Time:12:02 am
i really miss you and you would never know. i hope you do.
i took the math test toda.  not too bad.

went to the beach.
 it was nice.

gotdrunk.
even though toniught couldnt have worked out i wish it would have. <3
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Current Mood:[mood icon] happy
Subject:10 of the greatest sex tips ever
Time:10:31 pm
went to nassau CC with jaimie to figure out how to get there for the math test.
studied for the math test. got bored.
went to eckerd to get batteries and eye lube.

found a magazine with "10 of the greatest sex tips ever." as jaimie went to find candy, i followed her around reading them out in my best reading voice, getting louder when people were talking on phones or had small children.  it was wondrous.
got eye lube... used it... god dammit my eyes are actually moisturized.  i could hear them grating against my eyeballs earlier. it was nasty.

we drove to lynbrook and i mooned people. i talked about whales and she talked about a kid named tuffy and how she saw 3 people get run over and die.
it was quite a nice night.

and, Brave New World is a fucking good book. you all should read it.
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Time:09:22 pm
12 Reasons Why Gay People Should Not Be Allowed to Get Married

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid becasue they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
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Time:05:25 pm
stat:
-dad is an asshole [even though i shouldn't care bc my brother deserves all the grief he gets. damn pot smoker]
-made hair do appointment for prom to coincide with jaimie and melissa. so i wont be alone and feel gay.
-nvisible monsters is a good book, but man, its not that good [even though its true that no matter how much you love someone you'll always back away from their puddle of blood as it oozes toward your feet]
-must, must, Must study for math final so i don't feel guilty about going to the beach on friday. thank god for the hot fucking weather. i feel good again.
-even though i feel good, i don't feel great, and i've kind of realized there is nothing that grabs my soul as much to make me overwhelmingly happy with life, but rather im stuck at a standstill.  but the weather does add, and maybe if i see dan sometime in the next 7 million years i'd feel better
-talked/ went tolunch w/ lauren martini today and it was actually cool

-Fuck me, once this math deal is over Saturday school is officially a joke.

[end random thought transmission]
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Current Music:sublime: waiting for my ruca
Current Mood:[mood icon] bitchy
Time:08:21 pm
so my brother and i were leaving the house, on the way to Cold Stone.
he took it upon himself to slap my ass.
so, my being the normal, rational person that i am....i

..

charged.
he ran into the living room, and i grabbed him by the neck and hair and forced his head between his legs.

then he flipped out, knocked my glasses from mindless off my head.  so i became even more crazed, and grabbed his left left out from under him and punched him sucessively in the stomach and any flailing body part i could possibly hit, all the while he was squirming and attempting to retailiate.

The End Result:
Papa Harris, during this whole escapade was yelling at us because we were knocking over the T.V. et cetera.  as the fight reached its climax he pulled the both of us apart with his one dreadful good hand that isnt broken and decided we were no longer going to get ice cream.

im fucking pissed.
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Current Music:peaches: operate
Current Mood:[mood icon] blah
Time:11:11 pm
it seems i see infinite lives spreading out before me
what will is there, if not my own
to think i may be lucky enough to once have crossed such
as white and as unending as this
and who, really, are you
but a strung out immortal soul
one-night standing infinite bodies toward the end of being
at the mercy of time
and who is our God but time—
who decides for us what has happened
and stands in our way of what shall.


Once time is conquered, will we get our answers? And is death the ultimate weapon?

I have no life.
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Current Mood:[mood icon] blank
Time:11:03 pm
It's amazing how pyschotic writers are that stand out over time. 
I wonder what Shakespear is thinking now.  Something infinitely witty.

Work today was kind of nice.  I'm in a weird mood, to fit the weird mood I've had since Saturday and my little walk to 711.  I sat there all day getting paid to do homework, practice my handstands and talk to Keith and Tara. Ryan, too.  They bring comfort to me... that no matter what is going on with me, they are still out somewhere being Keith, Ryan and Tara.

I keep staring blankly at the world as if I'm expecting something...but...
there is nothing to except.

Oh, well.

I hope it passes.
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Current Music:nine inch nails: perfect drug
Current Mood:[mood icon] sad
Time:11:49 pm
I had a gut feeling about today.

I really felt like walking home from work.  The entire time I had an illogical urge to cry.
These boys were behind me for most of the walk, they were carrying Carvel milkshakes and plastic wrappers from the flying saucers.  They seemed to be a little young for wandering down Merrick road at 11pm, but who am I to say?
I was looking down the street, wondering what it looked like in the Roaring Twenties, wondering what the signs looked like when they were new, and all the while the boy's voices were echoing behind me, tricking me into thinking they were some kind of voice of the past.
I was wondering what I would look like in the Twenties, wondering if I had existed in the Twenties, and then my mind splatted out a comic I read about doing lives over that said people who think they are born-again are merely looking for a second chance.  I can't figure out if I'm offended because I'm looking for a second chance or because they are making fun of something that is equivelent to my religion.
I kept my eyes to the floor, looking at pebbles and dirt and cracks, and the beginning of poles shooting out of the ground into the air to support signs.  I looked at the silly lettering... Taco Bell... Pizza Hut... Valley Stream Auto Detail... Antiques, all showing to some degree age. I looked up and an Asian man asked me where 14th street was, or something equally nonsensical since Valley Stream streets don't go by number.
I thought maybe Asian Ho was right about my walk home, I'd probably be raped, and this Asian man would be the guy, but I could tell by the look on his face that all he wanted was to know directions-- although I couldn't help him.
I approached my house, down Cornwall, where it kind of gets shittier for a bit, and there were plastic bags of garbage tittering in the wind, scaring me, and a light on in an office building that was blinking on and off that vaguely reminded me of the apartment me Tim and Michelle broke into when we were on shrooms once. I looked up and realized I overshot my house by 10 or so blocks and retreated into my house... ver much filled with nothing.

I want to watch the Royal Tenembaums, but I have a complex about watching TV by myself, I cant concentrate on whats going on, and I start wondering about the actors lives and what he or she is really thinking then --BAM-- 7 hours later I'm sitting in the dark with the DVD menu song on repeat wondering where all the time went, and what I had been thinking about.




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Current Mood:smug
Time:01:52 pm
XXBiLL CozBXX: listen fucker i apologise for acting shady latley


[me being smug]


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Current Music:mindless self indulgence: panty shot
Current Mood:[mood icon] calm
Time:11:51 pm
mindless=

finding people to get my ball out.
and then back in.
which led to me meeting random Gypsy Girl
who talked about how i should go to Oregon bc my phone says poop.

saw tophatjohn
he tried to get my ball in with a plier i bought for a dollar w/ disease on it
so did his friend, whose name i fail to remember.
saw 7 million msi kids i recognized or have talked to at some point in my life.
thought i saw Legs, the man who was mostly legs, and i asked him... but it wasn't him.

met a girl who got the plastic stick end of the toy horse deal jammed up her vagina for a mindless sweater.
a kid came up to me, grabbed me, and kissed me on the forehead.
at the end of the show, i made sure to return the favor.

i flicked jimmys penis. i think i even got a finger near his crack.
on the way out, i ran into lyn-z
she said "i found you, its my new friend" and grabbed me
she held me like a small child while finishing her conversation with the girl she was conversing with.

bought stunning glasses on a shop on a corner.  didnt get wasted.
was a
fun
fun
day.

the week shall not get better.
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[icon] ally
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