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[27 May 2004|11:11pm] |
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TODAY was my last day of school ever. I am VERY excited! College World, here i come...
Here somes the rush and bustle of commencement practices, family, friends, lots of food, a fun summer never to forget...
Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.
--Frank A. Clark
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(kiss the moose)
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[05 May 2004|05:25pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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Senior project DONE!!!!!!@!!@!@!!!!!!
thatisb alni have to say
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(1 snog | kiss the moose)
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[26 Apr 2004|08:46pm] |
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I have never seen so much verbal abuse in my life. My dad is such a beast I can't FUCKING take it anymore. I feel so hopeless and useless all he has is horrible HORRIBLE demeaning things to say to me and my sister. HE IS SO RUDE. I don't know what the hell is going on but I wish that just for once everything could be ok and I couldn't be scared anymore...The face I put on can't even cover this up. I truly do not want to be here anymore. If there is something I can do to get out of the house, I do it. I am walking on eggshells and soon they are going to penetrate my feet and something bad is going to happen. I have pushed every friend I have away from me! It seems like that stupid Zoloft made me worse, not better...All he can say to me is 'you're such a slob, why don't you make something of yourself'...'i've never seen so many useless people in one place all my life'...'i am in a living hell'...i don't know what to do...everyone that I have ever turned to thinks it is all ok now and everything is alright because JACKIE is gone, but no...it's not over...i think the shit has hit the fan...i think it has only begun...i just try to look up at the positive things...reach for the stars
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(3 snogs | kiss the moose)
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[18 Mar 2004|09:48am] |
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A blessing cannot be kept. If it stops with you, then the blessing will disappear.
i have been really sick the last 3 days. the doctors can't even figure out what is wrong with me :-/ I hope this all clears up before the band trip...
We are going to have the time of our lives!!!! I CAN'T WAIT YOU GUYS!!!!
~AsHlEy~ErBaL~dAdDy~Me~ChRiStInE~hOwIe~JuB~mAuRa~ and everyone else*!
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(1 snog | kiss the moose)
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[01 Mar 2004|09:52pm] |
This morning Kim from work called Emily's phone and told us to have a good day in school, she is so nice, it made me feel good.
I haven't been able to move from bed i am so exhausted, it seems like the sky is falling in on top of me...I need to get up and get my act together...this is ridiculous.
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(3 snogs | kiss the moose)
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[19 Feb 2004|11:06pm] |
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Remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away...
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(kiss the moose)
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[11 Feb 2004|11:58pm] |
fucking fuck fuck fucking fuckers...
dude if i just completely lose it soon, don't be surprised. MY HOUSE IS A LIVING HELL HOLE!
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(kiss the moose)
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[10 Feb 2004|07:51pm] |
dude could this day have gotten any worse?
i don't even feel like explaining, it is so hard and long and COMPLICATING!!!!!
Thank you Ashley, Nay, Am, Maura, Amanda, and Sarah for the flowers. That was so thoughtful of you and I will NEVER EVER forget it. I love you all so much!
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(1 snog | kiss the moose)
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[05 Feb 2004|10:12pm] |
yes i got yelled at by my dad and jackie today...she followed me into my therapists office and harassed me for 45 minutes. i cannot take this shit.
dude hopewell is horrible look at the weather! i guess i'll find some way to deal with it
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(1 snog | kiss the moose)
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[25 Jan 2004|11:10pm] |
AHHHHHHHHHH this snow is WONDERFUL!!!!!
the more school we miss the better mood i will be in for the rest of my life! screw physics, i didn't study and i know i have no clue what is going on in that class so i am screwed but who cares!??!
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(kiss the moose)
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| 69 days.......... |
[24 Jan 2004|03:26pm] |
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hi i don't work today and yesterday I skipped because Jackie didn't want to take me to school and my was at work. so i said fuck sleep! and i re-did my room. it's pretty cool and then i worked and it sucked for some reason because i was so tired. so anyway i am going to finish cleaning my room and take a shower. nothing interesting is happening, but i do think i am losing my mind!!!!!
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(kiss the moose)
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[10 Jan 2004|12:00pm] |
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Mammy is in the hospital still and now they are doing another operation on her :-/ I don't know how this is going to turn out. She has another infection and they brough a disease specialist in from some other state because they cannot figure out what is up with her. She's not letting go though...not yet...
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(4 snogs | kiss the moose)
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| L...O...V...E... |
[03 Jan 2004|11:48am] |
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mood |
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This house is closing in and all I want to do is get away. I wish I could run from all of my problems and have them blow up just as I get out. The silence is growing but the people are still here and they are as grim as ever. This disease is not going to heal itself because only love heals things like this. Where is it? Where is the love?
Please don’t be mad at me because I want to love everyone the same with no hard feelings and stupid petty things that make friends grow apart their last year of high school for no reason. My grandma is dying and it is making me die inside myself. I can’t take it just watching her lie there. They’re calling an ambulance right now and all I can do is sit here in silence and know that there is no one there. The medication I am on does not let me cry. I can’t cry and I haven’t cried for 2 weeks. It’s sad and I hate it, but I can’t cry. There is a dam behind my eyes, behind my brain, behind my heart that won’t break.
I love everyone, but I hate the world. People come and go in our lives and sometimes they make so much of an impact that they become a part of you. Then when they leave or go away it feels like you lost your arm, your leg, or…your heart. I don’t want to leave and I want everyone else to also stay here. But those are wishes of a three year old.
What would you give to be three again? I wouldn’t give anything because if I was meant to be three again, it would take place on its own. Money can’t buy happiness and happiness can’t buy love. I want love.
I love all of you as much as the moon loves the stars forever and ever because it is the people and simple things that shape my life and help me wake up and do productive things everyday, it’s not that new dvd player that eggs me on or the new cd…it is the people that have been here my whole life and will always be here and never need batteries, just reassurance that it will be ok in the end and if its not ok then its not the end.
I love you all really I do so much and I can’t stop thinking about people and my love for them. It makes me warm inside and it makes me remember better times with people. I didn’t have a good night last night and I was thinking about everything that everyone has done for me and I can’t take it…I can never repay anyone.
Ashley, remember when we threw the slinky on the roof of the school and talked about the rest of our lives? Sarah remember when we almost beat the shit out of Charlie cecela and matt fouse stopped him from saying stuff? Mike remember when we theorized? Maura remember when we went to the zoo? Jay Jay remember Dora the explorer? Chelsea remember the christmas party 5 years ago? Jamie remember the blinking seizures? Emily remember when i first called you daddy? Christine remember sleepovers? Nicole remember when I went to your church? Chris remember when we went ice skating in 9th grade? Amanda remember the thanksgiving sleepover in 8th grade? Nay Nay remember your birthday party? Jubie remember lunch last year? Erb remember the psychos and shop n save?
Remember this? Remember that? Post me a comment on something you remember…even if it isn’t a memory with me…just something you remember.
I love every one of you and it’s going to get better, I promise…
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(19 snogs | kiss the moose)
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| counting today and april 2nd... |
[02 Jan 2004|02:22pm] |
frank put everything in to perspective! read this because it is so true...
CHANGE
a lot of the experiences he wrote about i did not take part in, but it's the idea of the entry that is so true and real. even if you don't know me or if you don't know frank, read this.
if i wrote about all of the experiences (godd and bad) that i have had since i was a freshman there would be too many to tell, i am saving the stories for my grandchildren...hehe or someone willing to lend an ear for 17 1/2 years.
friends have played the most major part in my life almost since the beginning. i love everyone...
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(kiss the moose)
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[02 Jan 2004|10:40am] |
everything is falling apart...
but friends keep it together. i think i am having people over tomorrow night, but i'll have to see what is going on. i'll call ya'll if you read this
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(kiss the moose)
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[01 Jan 2004|07:28pm] |
it's GONE
please save me from this house!
gradually, i'm starting to accept facts of life and they aren't easy, they are just so real.
love you all, happy new year
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(kiss the moose)
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[26 Dec 2003|11:39am] |
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mood |
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at ashley's house, we are going to pittsburgh today and staying up there evernight! her brother looks like a pinhead, it's funny.
i got stuff for christmas, but nothing really matters to me but family and friends anymore. really, i am so sick of america lol. but i like ghost world though! haha
thanks everyone for making this a great christmas...so far...
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(2 snogs | kiss the moose)
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[20 Dec 2003|10:22am] |
semi was fun, but it wasn't what i expected.
i don't know what i expected but it wasn't that
anyway afterwards we were supposed to go bowling and all this shit happened. i owe it to ash. i just hope everyone else is ok because i couldn't get ahold of them this morning. I was acting so stupid but that's what happens.
Well thanks ash
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(kiss the moose)
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