Thursday, August 29th, 2002
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12:48 pm
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LAstnight Tanner came over after all of our friends and us went bowling...he held me again untill i fell asleep and then went home...
He's on his way over again...
I work at 3:30 but i have to take the city bus to work (not excited about that)
I just want to be with Tanner all the time........
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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
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9:38 am - LIFE.....
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I work my first shift today.....
At Safe way *grocery store*
I am wearing my new clothes that I got in Calgary
yesterday...
Tanner and I got in a huge fight lastnight
while watching the new Halloween movie
And then I tried to call him at 1am...
and i let it ring ONCE
and my luck his dad calls back
and starts yelling at me.....
*THey sure like me........*
School starts soon
And im really looking forward
to it.....
I am so sick of laying around
and acheiving nothing...
Maybe i should go take out my eyebrow ring
for work then go and eat some breakfeast.....
love,
jolene
current mood:  angry
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Sunday, August 25th, 2002
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4:04 am - "dreamed i was flying high above the trees"
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I cant sleep.....
im listning to Peal Jam *Crazy Mary*
awesome mello song....
Maybe i'll stay up all night....
Tanner wants me to write him a short story
maybe i'll tackle that....
Then around 8 take the dog for a run
then go swimming with everyone at 1pm...
I mean i cant stay up all night once school starts
and I dont think i could sleep if i wanted to....
I went to Tanners dads tonight
watched THree Musketeers with His parents and him....
i feel uneasy and akward around his mom.....
she told tanner i acted fake....
Yes i said Fake....
i mean Gawd...as if!
But im trying to realize that this will not change our relationship....
I feel beautiful
with wild eyes
and my heart is beating
wildly for this song...
Grade 12 is a week away,,,
I am thrilled and anxiouse....
current mood:  groggy
current music: Pearl Jam
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Saturday, August 17th, 2002
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3:46 pm - "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay aninvincible summer"
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I'm soul Madonna, who are you? Madonna Quiz by Turi.
*************************
With my hair curly
i toss you on
my Ikea love seat
watch you indulge on
the pink pattern
I cant let my lipstick
touch the drape of your neck
THe attention swirling around
my golden glow
is causing you to frown
**************************
current mood:  determined
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Friday, August 16th, 2002
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5:50 pm - mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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NAME 4 BAD HABITS YOU HAVE:
** I bite my nails
** I expect everything has to be my way or no way
** procrastinating
** overeating
NAME 4 PEOPLE CURRENTLY ON YOUR GOOD SIDE:
** tanner
** ashley
** Tessa
** Cory
NAME 4 SCENTS YOU LOVE:
** Tanner
** clothes just brought in from the line
** Clinique "happy"
** my grandmas house
NAME 4 THINGS YOU'D NEVER WEAR:
** tapered pants
** overalls
** plad
** spandex pants
NAME 4 ANIMALS YOU LIKE:
** puppies
** pandas
** dolphins
** gorillas
NAME 4 TV SHOWS YOU LOVE:
** Dawsons Creek
** Murder She Wrote
** Judging Amy
** Elimidate
NAME 4 CELEBRITIES YOU DON'T LIKE:
** Bob Saget
** Shakira
** Jack Nicholas
** Kelsy Grammer
NAME 4 DRINKS YOU REGULARLY DRINK:
** Pepsi
** Iced TEa
** Water
** coffee
NAME 4 ICE CREAM FLAVORS YOU LOVE:
** chocolate
** Caramel
** mocha fudge
** cotton candy
NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF:
** Im staying home tonight because if i go anywhere i may break down
** i freak out when things arent the way i like them to be
** im enviouse of skinny girls
** i bought 2 shirts today at BLuenotes for 10$ and there so cute:)
NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY:
** my mom has 11 siblings
** My step father and I have never ever gotten along
** My older is 24 and he still lives at home....agh!
** NO one has ever gone to university in the entire family
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Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
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1:21 pm - There are lovers content with longing.I’m not one of them
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*"What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?" *
*"Why [do] I repeatedly fail to live the intentions that matter to me? I want to know how to narrow the gap between the sincerest desires of my soul and my daily actions."*
Its raining
Just woke up
I am helping Tanner move into his dad's house
today
I am in a white tank top and blue fleece pants
with messy hair chewing on my pink pen
I want to become who i know i am
under theses tender layers
I hate using "I" so much
current mood:  accomplished
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Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
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6:51 pm
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With tanner at JEffs
watching much music
and waiting to go to the movies
and see "Signs"
It was hot today
so we all went swimming
then made mr.noodles at ashleys
MY eyes are burning
i need a smoke
and tanners chips look really
good
im surrounded in love
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Thursday, August 8th, 2002
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3:03 pm - "this noise inside says its gonna be alright"
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sitting here in my Hurley zip up,new jeans and old navy flipflops
feeling irritable
*are you ever mean to your boyfriend and you have no idea why?your just distant and bitter when he'sactually doing everything right?*
I am waiting for my ride
Ashley and her boyfriend are picking me and tanner up..
maybe watching a movie and grabbing something to eat
Although i should never eat again after gaining 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks...
Listning to "happy" by ashanti
ironic cuz at the moment im not
switched it to "im gonna be alright" by jlo
feels more appropriate
I need sleep
but i never can theses days
something always interupts me
* i walk around in circles
this isnt right*
Im going to be so bitchy to everyone
I CAN FEEL IT
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12:26 pm - THis is the feeling ive been dreaming,hoping and praying for since junior high...
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Just got in from downtown with mom
bought a new pair of jeans...there dark
and lightly faded.....
And short:)
came home early lastnight
for the first time in a long while
without tanner..*just cuz i needed to re-connect*
I cleaned my room
listned to the new CC cd
Did laundry and watched Elimidate....and wrote
alot!
I want to wake up tanner with soft kisses like he does
to me in the mornings....but i know hes tired so i wont...
Were moving tomorrow
in a larger home
my bedroom is so sweet
with a LARGE closet
i want to paint it baby blue
and have shelfs full of pics
of this summer....
I feel so grown up
surrounded by colours
and fresh flowers
THe other night
Tanner and I slowdanced
outside to no music
under the stars....
It was perfect
I am in love with TANNER so much
its crazy....he's on my mind 24/7...every minute
every seconde...when im with him iam alive iam full
I cant believe how grand love is.....its so much more than
anyone ever talks about....
I love you all.....
STay true Stay you,
JOlene
xoxoxo
current mood:  cheerful
current music: "Crash into me" DMB
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Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
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2:35 pm
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Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
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1:49 am - "what do you want our house to look like?"
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I turned my head
breathing in the framiliar
scent
erasing everything i thought you were
finding peices of myself
in the fog i ran through
I find it unbelievably hard
to drift in my dreams
i cant bash things against
wooden walls anymore........
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Sunday, August 4th, 2002
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2:26 pm - everyones mad at me.....im bored.....this will get my mind off of everything
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A-Appetizer of Choice: pizza sticks *pizza hut*
B-Best Friend: Tanner
C-Choice of Meat: hamburger
D-Dream Date: In New York.....going out for dinner and walking downtown
E-Exciting Adventure: Elks bon fires
F-Favorite Food: Donairs
G-Greatest Accomplishment: Winning Gold at Regionals *Figure Skating*
H-Happiest Day of your life:
I-Interesting Fact: It was snowing in CAlgary yesterday
K-Kool-Aid: red
L-Lover: Tanner
M-Marriage: Tanner *hopefully*
N-Name: jolene ann craswell
O-Obsession: writing
P-Pizza toppings: cheese
Q-Question Asked to you the most: Whats up?
R-Radio Station: Rock 106.7
S-Sex: female
T-Television Show:Dawsons Creek
U-Underwear: lime green *right now*
V-Video: Girl Interruppted
W-Winter: stupid...i hate cold and snow.....
X-X-ray: negatative
Y-Year born: 1985
Z-Zodiac sign: Gemini
current mood: amused
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Friday, August 2nd, 2002
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3:14 pm - soooooo bored...........*mrrr*
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1:22 am - *will you remember me?*
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........JoLEnE........... says:
i feel weird right now
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i dunno if its cuz im tired or beat but im irritable and i feel useless.....
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i feel lost
.........JoLEnE........... says:
you know?...
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i guess its nothing
.........JoLEnE........... says:
prolly just lack of sleep
.........JoLEnE........... says:
im just not happy
pUnk-roCker says:
at the moment or in general, all night, all day, when?
.........JoLEnE........... says:
now....somewhat tonight.....not today
pUnk-roCker says:
is there anything i can do?
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i cant explain it....no i dont think so
.........JoLEnE........... says:
thanks though
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i just get in weird moods sometimes
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i miss home and i feel asthough my mom hates me and i hate my dad and i havent talked to lynn in forever..i have no job...im just feeling odd
pUnk-roCker says:
like you don't belong?
.........JoLEnE........... says:
maybe
pUnk-roCker says:
kinda like the tall girl playin basketball?
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i feel like i belong to well and ive been leaving everything i am behind
.........JoLEnE........... says:
understand?
pUnk-roCker says:
oh, you mean moving on
........JoLEnE........... says:
i feel asthough im so happy.....and ive been ditching alot of what i was before us and before my new friends
.........JoLEnE........... says:
am i making sence?
pUnk-roCker says:
ya, and if you need to start stayin home, eatin with your family, talkin to old friends, reminicin, writin in your diary, patchin things up with your parents, what ever it takes to make it right.....i'll still be here for you, waiting, with open arms til you feel like you're a hundred percent again!
.........JoLEnE........... says:
thanks
.........JoLEnE........... says:
but i cant be away from you
.........JoLEnE........... says:
you make me happy
pUnk-roCker says:
but, maybe that's why you're unhappyu
.........JoLEnE........... says:
but thats exacltley what i needed to hear
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i dunno what it is.....
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i love you though
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i think its just ive changed alot and sometimes i dont reconize who i am somenights
pUnk-roCker says:
how so?
.........JoLEnE........... says:
i guess i just mean.....ive never been happy....ever in my whole life! i swear to god i havent not since grade 6...and happy can be weird if you forgot what it felt like...and its changed me....i dont write anymore....i dont think the same way.....everything i thought about life has changed....
pUnk-roCker says:
for better or worse?, you make happiness seem well...........unhappy
.........JoLEnE........... says:
no its such a good thing.....omg you have no idea what it feels like to not cry everynight anymore or be alone but its just changed me and i feel asthough i have to reconnect with this jolene now...i mean i love it..i love us....i love you...i love happiness....its just its scary sometimes to go from one extreme to the other...
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Thursday, August 1st, 2002
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2:57 am - *so careful when im in your arms....*
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Listning to soft music
chatting on msn with *Tanner*
I just got home
Im in love with everything
Im drinking iced tea
Wearing a white tank top
and my new american eagle outfitter
khakis..
my hair is blonder from the sun
and im smoking a ciggerette
I feel fradgile yet strong
( a good fradgile though)
pUnk-roCker says:
i love you too
pUnk-roCker says:
more than life itself
....JoLEnE.... says:
you are my world
pUnk-roCker says:
when ever i get somewhere and you're not there where i left you i worry, and i don't stop worrying til you're back, i miss you even for a second, i love you so much
current mood:  full
current music: "i always liked that best" cyndi thomas
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, July 28th, 2002
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2:58 pm - A long night......
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I arrived home today at 7am....
passed out on the couch
and slept till now....
I got too drunk lastnight.....
swimming in my bra and underwear in
aarons pool
Bumping into things
Tanner carrying me around
I about to be grounded but i dont care
itll be nice to have time alone
I want to organize my room completley
PAint my nails
Pack the rest of my stuff
Write
Have a long bath
....
current mood:  cold
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, July 27th, 2002
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1:03 am
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>From: "Jolene Craswell"
>To: t_heerschop@hotmail.com
>Subject: i love you
>Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 23:18:24 -0600
hey,
Im sorry i was bitchy when were leaving tonight.....I wanted to cheer you up....i love you and remember i always will and so do so many other people
From my diary about you (beggining of relationship):
June 01st
*Tanner and I's relationship is amazing.I have never shared so much of myself to anyone.I have never wanted to know somebody so much in my life.I feel so safe with him-so complete.*
June 03rd
*When we were watching the movie "GiA", he was touching my face and I knew...I just knew Tanner was going to be the guy i fall in love with.THe way he holds me,kisses me,looks at me,talks...everything is the way i imagined love being...*
June06th
*Lastnight,I was sitting on my couch while tanner was on my computer and im not sure if it was the way the warm breeze was blowing in through the patio doors , or the comphort of my living room but it felt so perfect so right...like this is what i have been missing in my 16 years of my life...I felt at peace for the very first time in a long while...*
June 09th
*I saw tanner outside and my stomache did flip flops and i was instantly happy....i ran to his car..hopped in and started to kiss him i felt so much better in 10 seconds...*
*I want to hang out with Tanner tonight...hes seriously my new best friend....not only is he a wicked boyfriend hes an amazing guy too*
love,
jolene
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Friday, July 26th, 2002
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9:54 pm - together we pray for eternal happiness and all that fucking bullshit that doesnt matter
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I cant run as fast as you.....
im sorry for being there
I hate when you walk home in the
rain
But, taking me to that sweet place
has helped me through today
I cant get ahold of you
your slipping through my
wet hands
Im afraid to be anything less
than she is.......im worried
why wont you call?
current mood: annoyed
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Monday, July 22nd, 2002
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8:43 am - mrr
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I have to work at 10....an eight hour shift....:(
Im tired!
I have nothing to type
nothing to say
im useless........
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Saturday, July 20th, 2002
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11:18 am - sundresses and chats about where im going
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feeling a bit hungover
I need to shower
and im craving a bagel with cream cheese
I work at 2pm
Tanner and I got in a big fight lastnight
over nothing
*i hate the mind games people play*
At the end of the night we were ok again....
Today I just want to watch tv in my underwear
Write poetry
and eat frootloops
*I hate work*
I need to write back Jason and Jen
I need to repaint my toe nails
I need to get ready for work
current mood:  ditzy
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