freak bitch do ya thing ::: truth revealed :: teenage dirtbags :: 'til the day i expire ::: personal  ::  human oddity

HERE SHE IS.....not very happy at the moment. =/ ++ Sunday : May 25th : 2003 ::: 9:53pm ++ http://tbns.net/cherylisfun/Nylaa.gif http://tbns.net/cherylisfun/Nylab.gif 1 have taken me down :: take me down

Got this from Lena. ++ Thursday : May 15th : 2003 ::: 1:20pm ++ LAYER ONE -- Name: Cheryl Ann Rudder -- Birthdate: 02-10-1980 -- Birthplace:Steubenville,Ohio -- Current Location:Wellsville,Ohio -- Eye Color:blue -- Hair Color:red -- Height:5'10 -- Righty or lefty:lefty -- Zodiac Sign: Aqu. LAYER TWO -- Your heritage: german/russian -- The shoes you wore today:clear/blue adidas -- Your weakness: Jack Daniels -- Your fears: fire -- Your perfect pizza: mushroom Xtra cheese LAYER THREE -- Your most overused phrase on AIM: n/a -- Your thoughts first waking up: Nylas hungry -- Your best physical feature: finger? -- Your bedtime: late -- Your most missed memory: toasting Amandas couch on Mikes birthday LAYER FOUR -- Pepsi or Coke: pepsi -- MC$donald's or Burger King: Mickey ds -- Single or group dates: single -- Adidas or Nike: Adidas -- Lipton Ice Tea or Neste:Lipton -- Chocolate or vanilla: choc. -- Cappuccino or coffee: NONE LAYER FIVE -- smoke: yes -- Curse: yes -- Sing: yes -- Take a shower everyday: no way -- Have a crush (es):haha -- Do you think you've been in love:yes -- Want to go to college: tried that (2x's) -- Like high school: sometimes -- Want to get married: yes -- Believe in yourself: not really -- Get motion sickness no -- Think you're attractive:no -- Think you're a health freak: HAHA right -- Get along with your parents:extremely well -- Like thunderstorms: yes -- Play an instrument: no LAYER SIX: In the past month... -- Drank alcohol: yes -- Smoked: yes -- Done a drug: umm cigs are drugs -- Had Sex: yes -- Made Out: yes -- Gone on a date: yes =) -- Gone to the mall? yes -- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no -- Eaten sushi: never -- Been on stage: no -- Been dumped: no -- Gone skating: no -- Made homemade cookies: no -- Gone skinny dipping?: no -- Dyed your hair?: no LAYER SEVEN: Ever.. -- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes -- If so, was it mixed company: yes -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes -- Been caught " doing something ":HA almost ;) -- Been called a tease: no -- Gotten beaten up: no -- Shoplifted: when i was younger -- Changed who you were to fit in: psh LAYER EIGHT -- Numbers and Names of Children: 1- Nyla -- Describe your dream wedding:uh =/ -- How do you want to die: ass up, face down -- Where you want to go to college: -- What do you want to be when you grow up: mature -- What country would you most like to visit: India -- Best eye color? dark brown -- Best hair color? black -- Short or long hair: either -- Height:umm any -- Best weight: i dont care -- Best articles of clothing:PJ pants -- Best first date location: back seat? -- Best first kiss location: lips? -- Number of drugs taken illegally:2 -- Number of people I could trust with my life: 4 -- Number of C$ds you own: alot Number of tattoos: 0 -- Nu:-- mber of piercings-- quite a bit Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? um 2? -- Number of scars on my body: 432? 3 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Monday : May 12th : 2003 ::: 1:22pm ++ So much stuff is going on right now. Finally money problems seem to be getting better,thankfully. My mom and sister and step dad moved into the new house a couple weeks ago. Michael and I are just about done getting our house in order since they are gone. He bought me this beautiful cherry wood entertainment center for the living room and spent until about 4am putting the big bitch together.He has been working so hard, not only am I proud of him but I am thankful for him. He does so much to make sure Nyla n' I are taken care of. Such as watching Nyla all night when I'm not feeling well because of my diabetes or just from being wore out. Nyla turned 3 months old on the May 8th. =) She is getting so big and omy she is gorgeous. She's following us around the room with her eyes now and starting to pay attention to the mobiles above her swing n' on her crib. I love that baby so very much. I haven't gotten a job yet, I'm just looking for part time as of right now so I don't have to be away from Nyla much. I GOT MOTHERS DAY GIFTS TOO!! -tear :*)- aha it was so exciting, I actually didn't expect anything. I got a footprints clock (my favorite poem), an overly large baked apple pie candle, an angel with fiber optic wings that change differant colors and a tiger stand. =)) That's all for now. I miss everyone. =) 5 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Tuesday : March 11th : 2003 ::: 2:52pm ++ mood  :  cheerful music  :  Johnny Cash - Hurt Nyla turned a month old on Saturday. She has gained almost 2lbs but has growed 2 1/2 inches in length. She doesn't have another doctors appointment for 6weeks because she is doing so good...well except she will start her shots in another month. I love to take her places with me such as to visit my friends or even just for a little ride. There hasn't been many warm days yet but we take full advantage of each one. I was scared to take her anywhere when she first came home but now I see how much she enjoys differant surroundings by the way she opens her eyes wide and takes in every new situation. I go to my doctor on the 19th for my 6week check up, I am feeling good. Of course I feel tired sometimes but Michael gets home from school around midnight and spends every night with us. He is so good at getting up and taking care of her. My mom and step dad watch her a a couple hours every few days just so I can go out and do some things on my own. I don't like to be away from her for a long time, I guess all mothers of new babies go through this stage. I WILL have some pictures up ASAP, my scanner is non functional at this point so I have to get some on disk. In other news....I am getting ready to go get my hair done...I totally screwed it up. I tried giving myself bangs and also cut them while they were wet. Needless to say it isn't pretty. I will update again as soon as I can. -Cheryl! 16 have taken me down :: take me down

My gift from heaven.... ++ Thursday : February 20th : 2003 ::: 1:06pm ++ mood  :  thankful Nyla Michelle Clevenger was born Feb. 08th 2003 at 1:47am. She weighed 7 lbs 15 oz. 19 1/4 inches long. Let me start from the beginning. Feb. 07th I went to the doc. for my mon/fri appointment. My sugar was pretty high, my blood pressure was off the chart and I had +3 protein in my urine. They had me lay down for a bit to rest while they did the sonogram and what not to check the baby. Once they found she was doing good they worried about me, once again. I was admitted for what was sopussed to be a 24hour observation. This was at 10am. I was checked regularly thoroughout the day and hooked up to a fetal moniter to keep an eye on the baby. At 8pm that night a resident came into my room to say my doctor called to say if my blood pressure went over 160 again they would be delivering the baby that night. By 10pm I was going into preclampsia and the pregnancy had become toxic....meaning my organs such as my kidneys were going to shut down and I could start going into seisures because of my blood pressure and if something wasn't done me and the baby could die. The resident came back once again to inform me Dr. Khawli would be in around midnight and they would be taking the baby at 1am. I should have been scared to death for me...but all I could think about was how far I had come in this pregnancy and everything that had happen thus far and there was noway anything could go wrong now. At 1am I was taken into surgery for my C section and at 1 47am Nyla came. Michael was so scared...for me and the baby...he sat there just holding my hand the whole time...when I heard her cry I cried myself and the first thing I asked him....because he could see her right when they took her out was "is she beautiful?" haha Because of all the meds I was on for the blood pressure and sugar.. my whole body swelled up and I just slept for almost 2 whole days, I couldn't move my legs and my feet were about two times normal size. I didn't get to hold Nyla until the 2nd night after she was born. I had to stay in the hospital 5 days and because Nyla was 5 weeks early she had to stay 7 days. She didn't have to be on oxygen or have feeding tubes or anything. It is truely amazing. She came home last Friday...on Valentines day. =) She is a very good baby and her blue eyes are getting darker by the day...I hope she ends up with Michaels big,brown eyes. Tomorrow is her first doctors appointment. Please everyone keep my baby Nyla in your prayers. =) 9 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Tuesday : January 21st : 2003 ::: 1:50pm ++ mood  :  thoughtful music  :  Ja Rule/Ashanti - mesmerize Which Genocidal Maniac Are You? I've already managed to rip a nail off. Actually I was lucky because it was almost my finger too. Michael decided to wash my car for me...to bad it has been like 7 degrees EVERYDAY and my car froze the fuck up. Anyway I was trying to get the froze door open and ACK@%$@$#@$#@!!!!! Omy lord I don't think I have ever felt pain that intense in my life. o0o last time I metioned my living arrangements. ok well this is beyond cool. Thus far I cannot afford much...I mean right now I depend on my parents for EVERYTHING. After the baby comes and I can work again I will be doing much better and then in August Michael will be done with school and they will place him in a decent job...as a welder. Anyway my mom and Ken have been looking to buy a new house for over a year now and finally they have found one. =)) It's a gorgeous 2 story farm house that sits on 10 acres. Anyway, they have decided to let me and Michael have the house we live in now. =)) All we will have to pay is utilties. I am quite excited that I won't have to live in some dinky ass apartment where I won't even be able to be loud or play music all the while paying rent out the ass that I can't afford. My parents won't offically be out for about another month or so but that isn't a problem in the least. Next weekend Ken is going to help Michael redo my room...which will become Nyla's rooom. I am having them do it BRIGHT YELLOW. I also got the CUTEST baby monkies border for it. =)) aha me and my monkey love!! Well that's all for now I have to go to Wal Mart with my sister. <3 2 have taken me down :: take me down

IT"S A GIRL! ++ Monday : January 13th : 2003 ::: 7:35pm ++ I just got my nails done and this is a bitch so please bare with me please. Got my nails done because I'm quite fat and swollen and all of those other wonderful changes that come along with a baby and my nails done makes me feel pretty. aha My mom laughs everytime I tell her that. As I metioned in the subject I just found out I am having a girl. I have settled with the first choice girl name. She will be "Nyla Michelle" Things are going quite well for me. In 5 more days I will be 8 months along. I'm still going to the doctors every 2 weeks, that will change soon though and I will be going once a week then twice a week during my last couple weeks. I go back on the 22nd so I will be sure to update then. Lastly I have some very exciting news about where I am going to be living. I don't have the time right now but as soon as I can I will be back to tell all about that. =) <3 13 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Wednesday : December 4th : 2002 ::: 10:16pm ++ I'm fixing to pick Michael up from school because his car somehow lost all heat so I figured now is as good as time as any for a short update. Tomorrow is my sisters birthday, she'll be 20!!! Omy I cannot even remotely fathom that. It's my LITTLE sister shessh. Saturday I will be 26 weeks which is 6 and 1/2 months. =) On my last sonogram I saw the little fingers and a foot as well as the spine and the babys head. They are yet to determine the sex but the doctor says the heart, spine and brain all look good. All of this makes me happy beyond words though not a day goes by that I do not worry, because of what happen before I am sure. Last time though....2 years ago, I only made it to 3 months. After I passed my 3rd month this time I cried and I prayed so much and I kind of looked at that as a sign saying everything is going to turn out. Each time I feel the baby move I think of it as the baby saying "mommy don't worry I am doing good". That give me this feeling of completeness and satisfation that I cannot even begin to express with words. I don't think I have ever had SO much faith in god as I have right now and I will continue to have after I have the baby and as I watch it grow. Seeing my body change and feeling something that I know is real moving and growing inside of me is truely a miracle in itself. I could go on and on but this was sopussed to be just a short update so I will go now. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and ate alot. Take Care <3 20 have taken me down :: take me down

and it's ALIVE............. ++ Friday : October 25th : 2002 ::: 9:57pm ++ mood  :  content music  :  Tim Mcgraw - red ragtop take the taboo quiz. and go to mewing.net. nothing is taboo there. Ok, Why doesn't this result surprise me much? haha psh psh psh Guess I'd better update this for the the friends that I haven't gotten back in touch with as of right now. In July I found out I was having a baby then in August I got fired from my job at the gas station for not Id'ing people. GROARRR I'd been there over 3 years. Anyway, as of today I am 5 months ago. I've been in n' out of the hospital and doctors ALOT due to my diabetes. I have to have special care and I have been having sonograms about once every two weeks. I have to take insulin shots 4 times a day until my baby comes. It is difficult to not eat what I want and ESSPECIALLY not being able to smoke but I want my baby to be heathly more than anything else so I am doing everything the doctors are telling me. I just had my latest sonogram last week...they were trying to tell the sex of the baby but it wont open its legs and in one picture it is kinda standing on its head with one leg straight out but the other one is over the straight one. =/ I am kind of hoping on a boy but a healthy one wil due me wonders. I've been tossing around names left n' right and I think I have come to a conclusion. Girl name = Nyla Michelle Boy name = Nicholas Michael I won't be looking for another job until after the baby comes due to all the doctor and hospital visits and such. On another note Michael and I are doing beatifully. He is excited about the baby. He is taking night classes at a trade school to learn more about welding, he took it at a vo-tech school in high school but this place will get place him in a job when he gets done in one year. I miss everyone and I hope I will get a chance to talk to you soon. <3 Cheryl! 20 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Wednesday : May 15th : 2002 ::: 4:04pm ++ wow, It's been a minute since I've been on here. Stephanie, Jeanna, Tara, Dave...I miss you. hmm updates...Mike and I have been offically "together" for almost 3weeks, he's been staying at my house and whatnot. He is a really wonderful person. He is just so damn real and never tries to put up a front. I'm at his house on the computer so I must go. <3 39 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Tuesday : April 23rd : 2002 ::: 6:03pm ++ I am so fucking tired, I've had to work at 8am the last two days and I came in late both nights to boot. That gives me about 7hrs of sleep since Sunday. On to a happier note....I have been with Mike everyday since Saturday. Last night a bunch of us were in the DQ parking lot and Mike and I got bored with them and started wrestling around...after that it was cold so we were in our cars and I was tired as fuck so I was laying on Mike and he was rubbing my head and man it was just one of those "awww" moments. I keep telling everyone we are just friends and I mean we are...yes but it isn't a secret that I like him alot and he seems to like me. I feel like I'm 12yrs old, the way I'm going about things right now I mean. There is NO doubt in my mind about wanting to be with this boybut I guess I don't wanna fuck things up. It seems like as soon as I get what I want, I don't want it anymore. I was just having this conversation with my boss today and she said it's human nature to be that way. =/ Also , all this time I thought I was finally doing the RIGHT thing since we haven't had sex....yesterday though I told my mom I was going to marry him and she said "have you had sex with him" I said no and she said "well then you're not gonna marry him" I'm not real sure what she meant by all that but ugh it made me feel like blah. boy/girl realtionships suck or is it just me? I don't know whats up for tonight yet, I am off the next two days. I haven't seen or talked to Mike yet so I don't even know what I'm doing. I do have to wash my car today before it gets dark. I love you Stephanie. 6 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Sunday : April 21st : 2002 ::: 12:50pm ++ mood  :  good music  :  Nas - One Mic Today is my last entry no doubt....damn live journal expires!!! I had a decent weekend. Friday night Kimmy and I went to the bar and I always have fun there....aha! Only thing is when I went into my work after the bar closed Mildred told me Mike was in there twice asking if she knew where I was. =( Last night though....Mike and I hung out until around 5 this morning, so that makes things a little better. I have to work in like 45 minutes, I'm not even ready. blah I guess I'd better go get ready. 4 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Thursday : April 18th : 2002 ::: 1:41pm ++ mood  :  blah Holy shit I think this is a hang over?? I NEVER get these things and today is like omg... wow this is bad and I have to work in like an hour. I think I might die. On the other hand yesterday, which started out to SUCK because I'd only gotten like 2hrs of sleep the night before ended up being VERY , VERY good. My sister passed her driving test yesterday,so I let her drive around with her friends for awhile in my car while I took a nap. I was sitting in my room last night with no intention of doing anything but enjoying the a/c when Mike called. =) I went to his house then we went out for a bit and I drank to much in to little time I think. On a happier note we had a huge conversation and this time not about funny shit I make up....this time it was real and rather serious.....about like the past, the future, what we are looking for in a boyfriend/girlfriend , etc. It's back to the "out of sight, out of mind" thing b/c when I'm not around him alot of times I can get him out of my thoughts but when he's around I think about how much I like him. My mother and I sort of have this agreement that I'll come in at a decent time on the weekdays and I can stay out as late as I want on the weekends, well I didn't get in until 5am this morning. =/ Luckily for me she's off today so she didn't have to get up early and she didn't yell. blah I should go get ready for work now, maybe a shower will make me feel better. FOUR days until my journal expires. =*( 8 have taken me down :: take me down

THIS IS HORRID.......YET QUITE FUNNY! ++ Tuesday : April 16th : 2002 ::: 1:16pm ++ mood  :  amused Alena, You should know better than to fuck with me, AHAHA! I always fucking find shit out. And this?? This is just TO funny. How are YOU going to come into MY journal, pose as someone else, call me names and THEN come back as yourself and defend me?? You REALLY need to grow up. hahahahah This is to much for me. I'm not ingnorant enough to even GO back to where when you called me a cow BUT a whore, come on now. 16 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Saturday : April 13th : 2002 ::: 7:44am ++ mood  :  happy I figured last night was going to REALLY suck. I woke up at noon and couldn't get back to sleep. I had to work 3rd shift last night {10 to 6} so the plan was to sleep all day. I stubbed my toe when I got out of the shower and I wore my boots to work which made it worse. Mike came in around 11 and talked for a minute then said he was going to drop Josh off and he'd be right back. He came back around midnight and stayed with me until 4am. Around 5 my cell phone rang and it was him saying he couldn't get to sleep and if I wasn't to tired to stop over after work. Needless to say I did and I stayed until he fell asleep....I just got home about 15minutes ago. I still haven't had sex with him and I think that just makes me like him THAT much more. I mean just laying in his bed with him....kissing him...talking....watching him sleep. I don't know, I guess those are the things make me miss a real realtionship....I mean opposed to just having someone you fuck and go home when it's over or whatnot. If I am even making any sense all. I colored my hair Thrusday....everyone keeps saying it looks really good on me but I think it's to dark...I'm not to sure about it. Got a speeding ticket last week....82 in a 55 blah blah the cops in my town couldn't get me outta this one because it was the highway patrol that got me. =( I went in my room when I got home and theres my sister and her friend in there sleeping, so I can't even go to bed until I wake their asses up. My period is 2weeks late which is just f'n wonderful...but I'm not stressing right yet.. I been a bit cranky the past couple days so I'm sure it's on it's way. I think it's bed time now , my eyes are feeling quite heavy. I love you Step and I hope you're having a wonderful weekend. -muah o0o btw everyone try Tropicana Twister Orange Strawberry Banana Burst. YUMMY YUMMY JUICE! 23 have taken me down :: take me down

HELP ME! ++ Thursday : April 11th : 2002 ::: 10:56am ++ I need someones help. =( I need someone that will pay for my live journal and I'll send them the money. I don't have a credit card and I can't put it on the phone bill. My journal expires on the 25th. =*( I WILL send the money....trust me, ask Tara she did it last time for me. 15 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Monday : April 8th : 2002 ::: 11:02am ++ mood  :  groggy I have a HORRIBLE headache today and a cough that won't quit. BLAH! Friday night a bunch of us were out in the country at this camp site partying, I wanted to get back into town before 2:30 when the 356 bar closed so Amanda and I left around 1 30 so Scotty decided to to leave too. Amanda and I were in my car following right behind his truck and suddenly we thought we was jumping something because the whole back end was going up in the air finally we realized he was wrecking....ugh it was horrible....he hit a patch of ice and went off the road, hit the culvert and landed side way in the middle of the road. We thought for sure it was gonna flip. Then we thought he was hurt because he didn't get out of the truck for a few seconds. He was just scared.....it's a brand new truck, not even payed for and it's totaled. He was more scared of what his dad was going to do though. =/ Of course neither Amanda or I could get a signal on our phones out there and Scotty couldn't leave the truck because none of the lights were working and it was in the middle of the road so Amanda and I drove up the road to someones house. Scottys dad got there like an hour later..... accused him of being drunk and thats the ironic thing....he was the only one NOT drinking. As if thats not enough on Saturday Amandas Camero started smokin' like a bitch, her dad told her it was the head and not to drive it....she did anyways. aha Got it stuck in town and it had to sit at my work until her dad took it into the shop today. Yesterday I had to work 10hrs, I came straight home and went to bed. blah I'm off today and tomorrow though. =) Step, I tried calling you yesterday from work to tell you Happy Birthday BUT of course you NEVER have your phone on and I don't know your home number. Anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE, I LOVE YOU! 5 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Friday : April 5th : 2002 ::: 2:14pm ++ mood  :  awake I just got out of the shower, I have to pick Michelle up from school today, we're gonna go do something since we haven't hung out in weeks. Last night a bunch of us went over to West Virginia to this place called Hot Shots to see my friend Briston sing and play the guitar, I've never watched him before and he is quite good actually. The owner loves him and when he found out I was his friend he bought me and the 3 people I was with drinks. woohoo! aha Wednesday night I ended up staying the night with Mike. That was odd, I haven't even talked to him in a while. I was at my work getting cigs and he pulled in and asked me what I was gonna do and I said prolly go find Amanda and I asked if he wanted to do something so we ended up going to Mcdonalds and riding around then back to his house for the night. I didn't talk to Keith Wed. or Thrusday which is fine.......I like Mike a whole lot better anyway. Mellissa sent me senior pictures, I got them yesterday. Thank You Mel, you are quite pretty. I esspecially like the black n white one. 23 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Wednesday : April 3rd : 2002 ::: 8:38am ++ mood  :  BAM! I have to be at work in like 30 minutes, I just realized though I haven't posted in over a week. Anyway, here's the latest.... Last friday was Mandy's birthday and a bunch of us went to the club, Mandy ended up suddenly getting a "headache" and needing to go home....which ALWAYS happens when you try to take her somewhere and noones paying attention to her....anyway Amanda was her ride so they left way early....I, of course was living it up since I rarely EVER go clubbing anyway I stayed because I knew alot of other people there. I met a guy named Keith and we hung out the rest of the night until around 7am the next morning when I came home and we've been out together every single day since. Between him and work there is like NO "me" time right now...shit there isn't even any sleep time right now. aha Although last night I came home around 1am bc I knew I had to work at 9am today. I am off the next two days though and I need to catch up on some sleep during the day. Well, I should go finish getting dressed for work. =) 14 have taken me down :: take me down

out of sight, out of mind ++ Monday : March 25th : 2002 ::: 7:51am ++ mood  :  tired Noone ever comments on my journal anymore, this deeply saddens me. Do I need to make more negative comments about people to get some $%@#$%@#$@# reponses, damn it! I just got home from work BECAUSE my boss is sick and called to ask if I could stop at her house on my way home to bring her cigs and pop!!! It's snowing like a mug out there shessh I thought it was spring. hmm yuh the whole freakin' police force is convinced I have something going on with one of the cops alll because one of the other officers asked to use Shawns cell phone and saw my number in his contacts list BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's actually kind of funny, but it does get a little irrating when that's ALL I hear about anytime one of them come in my work. I don't know. Mike came in last night....Julie was in there talking to me so I didn't even get a chance to really say anything.....I don't know, I'm weird. Julie and I were just having a conversation about the saying "out of sight, out of mind" right before he walked in, that was a bit ironic. I'm off today and tomorrow, I think I'm going to just sleep all day today...I've been running nonstop between work and messing around. I need to catch up on like 2weeks of sleep. Mandy thinks she can see the future and last night she predicted that I'd be getting laid soon. lmao! gooooooo me!!! 22 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Saturday : March 23rd : 2002 ::: 8:06pm ++ mood  :  sleepy music  :  Nsync feat. Nelly - girlfriend Last night we sat in DQ parking lot and drank....brings back memories of like the first year I lived here and first met Amanda and them....or like the police call us the "Lot Lizards" aha anyway I was drinking this stuff called DNA which is alkholic spring water in differant flavors. After about 3 I realized how weak it was so Scotty and I went to get a bottle of southern comfort for me and some beer for him. I ordered my personalized lisence plate yesterday I wanted "Fah q" but it was taken so I got "Fah q2" =) Amanda got "NV ME" , which was pretty cool. Today my sister and I went to the mall so I could get some junk for my car...I got hot wheels seat covers and the matching steering wheel cover. I got these two lil red lights that go like on top of the dash they look like lil laser beams, Scotty's coming over to my work when I get there to install them. =) I work midnight tonight and tomorrow. -sigh We ate chinese today, my furtune in my cookie said.... "Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need" The 24th is one of my lucky days....that is tomorrow. I guess we'll see? I think I'll go lay down until it's time for work. take me down

++ Friday : March 22nd : 2002 ::: 3:56am ++ mood  :  content music  :  tv / dazed n' confused I have this quite lovely sub Amanda and I went into town to get them right before I came home. It's so bad outside....snowing and wind aha we were like the only ones in the 24 hr sandwich place in the next town over. o well we were starving!! Jesicka and I went up to the big mall today. I got some snazzy sparkly purple lip gloss that tastes so good , I may end up eating it. =) I got 2 tongue rings, a floresent blue striped one and a bright, bright orange one to replace the one that cracked. I got a bad ass lil purse...it must be something special...I NEVER carry a purse. aha o0o I got my new cell phone.....it's pretty spiffy and a MUCH better plan. She also threw in a cigeratte lighter charger for the car and an ear piece....FOR FREE!! ;) I was sittin at the DQ eariler talking to Scotty when I discovered my camera was still in my glove box, so I snapped some of him. He's such a dork, I'll have to post when I get them developed. Now on to Mike.....I'm not exacatly sure on how to go about this. I called him yesterday and he wasn't home...I haven't called back. He doesn't have my phone number, so I know he can't call me but ugh I don't know. I guess I don't want him to think of me as a bother. I was talking to Amanda about this and she told me as shy as he is....he could just be scared and I SHOULD keep talking to him and keep going for him, but I don't know. I keep thinking that I haven't done much to express that I like him. I keep thinking that the conversations we had and us hanging out isn't much more than like me and Amanda hanging out, so how could he know? Then on the other hand, I think maybe he doesn't like me? Maybe he wants me to leave him alone? ugh and the other night.....umm Tuesday night when I worked midnight I had Brian and Tommy in there talking to me when he comes to get a pack of cigs, I didn't really talk to him and he got his cigs and left. I keep wondering if it was because they were in there and him not knowing hardly anyone felt odd?? Or maybe he thought nothing about it at all and hadn't planned on staying to talk? So many questions.....I keep thinking I will just forget about him....about everything...like I have done so many times before, only this time, I'm sure this isn't what I want. I WANT to work for this, I don't want to forfeit, I WANT to win. Enough of that....must go rant and rave with Tara now. <3 2 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Thursday : March 21st : 2002 ::: 8:44am ++ mood  :  awake music  :  Soil - Unreal There is def. soemthing weird going on with my journal. =/ I should be so fn' tired, I worked midnight Tuesday night, got home at 6am went to sleep at 9am, woke up at 1pm. Then I stayed up until 2am this morning and got back up at 5am to drive my sister an hour away to catch the bus for a state IBE competition. Now I'm staying up because I'm having my mom go with me to get a new cell phone. Mine man....the plan and the phone is junk and the contract is FINALLY up so I'm free to get a new one. =)) Anyway...I'm still thinking about getting my tongue done again. I don't go back to work until 10pm on Saturday. =)) My mom got to meet Mike yesterday, I said "isn't he sexy?" ahahah! She said "he's cute but I wouldn't go that far" Amanda's mom is a drivers ed teacher and she gave a bunch of us these bumper stickers that say "I brake for trains" and of course Amanda and I thought of the other kind of train and told her that. She wasn't impressed but she did take the one on her truck off. LMAO! Amandas dad thought it was funny. I wasn't about to stick it on my car so I stuck it on my moms fridge. aha! hmm I think that's all for now...I need to get a bath and whatnot. HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY JEANNALYNNE 3 have taken me down :: take me down

fu personality test ++ Wednesday : March 20th : 2002 ::: 2:07pm ++ Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You are seen as vain, self-centered, and one who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. What kind of drunk are you? Which Rock Chick Are You? take the death quiz. and go to mewing.net. laura = great. 5 have taken me down :: take me down

I haven't felt the way I feel today..... ++ Monday : March 18th : 2002 ::: 10:16am ++ mood  :  peaceful music  :  Incubus - Nice To Know You I think Pimpette is on crack. She is laying on the floor, on her side facing the wall, attacking the wood work. She is quite odd. I've been thinking about Mike SO much. This prolly doesn't make me look real good but I'm not used to enjoying being around someone so much without being sexual and stuff....I don't know umm =/ I mean it's like....well at least I know I don't just like him for the sex....since we haven't done that....if that makes sense. I guess I'm just trying to express just how much I am liking him. I saw this poem in the newspaper today and it reminded me of how alot of times a persons words can make or break us.....without them ever even realizing it. For some kind word I do not say A heart goes lonely on its way. Those words of praise I do not speak May make another's courage weak. My friendly thought I do not share May leave another in despair. The words that burn,the hurt that sears, May live to haunt me through the years. What loads I lift, what joy I spread May live long after I am dead. I work midnight tonight and I've been up since 7am, so I' m going to try to sleep for a bit now. =) 5 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Sunday : March 17th : 2002 ::: 1:47pm ++ mood  :  cheerful music  :  Linkin Park - runaway I've been hanging out with Mike everyday since Thursday. Yesterday he went to his brothers and i didn't get off work until 10 30 so I figured I wouldn't see him so after work I was sittin in DQ parking lot talking to Amanda and Scotty when he pulled in. =)) After like 15minutes he took his truck home and I followed him down and we went riding around. He was sopussed to be home by 1 because he had to get up early this morning but 1 turned into 2 and by the time I dropped him off it was 3:30. opps ;) Anyway....it's like this is the boy I want FOR SURE! I mean we drive around or sit around and just talk n talk for hours. Like I said before he's REALLY shy but obviously he feels comfortable around me because he talks alot about alot of things. He told me last night how I always make him laugh. That was after I'd gotten into a conversation about 12yr olds and fuzzy animals in pornos. =/ HAHAH! I'd better go , I haven't even got a shower yet and I have to work at 2 30. I love you Step. 3 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Thursday : March 14th : 2002 ::: 11:56am ++ mood  :  bored music  :  Billy Myers - kiss the rain I been up since 8am!!! -sigh I can't sleep in for shit nowadays. Now I'm just wasting time until I have to get a shower and pick my sister up from school. I'm planning to ask Mike to go to the mall with me today. =/ Thanks to Shara I remembered how much I used to love this song so I downloaded it. thank you lil kiwi =) Take the Are you a slutbag? Test. Which Computer Component Are you? I am sweet, like Sugar. I am all sweetness and light; fluffy bunnies and dancing fairies; happiness and joy. Too much of me will make you sick. What Flavour Are You? come take the which pop slut are you?quiz I mean nothing good for anyone. Seriously. Take the What Feminine Protection Product Would You Be? Quiz Are you Addicted to the Internet? 61% Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%) While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury... The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com! 18 have taken me down :: take me down

CHA CHING! ++ Wednesday : March 13th : 2002 ::: 11:40pm ++ Today turned out to be SO bad ass!!! I decided to dedicate today to finding out exactly where Mike lives. I know his truck and I know his moms car and I knew he lived here in town. That was ALL I had to go on. We drove all around like forever and stopped at a few peoples houses the Michelle thought might know where he lives. Around 7pm I'd almost given up and Michelle wanted to come home so I dropped her off at home and was on my way back up town to chill with Amanda when I saw his mother at the red light right in front of me!!! HAHAHA omg I was like holy shit so hehe I FOLLOWED HER!! lmao Anyway , it turns out we live like right behind him 2 streets up!!! So, I call Michelle on the cell and tell her she HAS to come with me and knock on his door. Anyway, we all sat out there and talked and he was checking out my car and I said "wanna go for a ride?" SCORE! We drove around for like an hour and took a back road and got lost , then we stopped at my work to get something to drink and Michelle had to be home by 11 and I REALLY didn't wanna do it but....I took him home =( BUT I got his phone number and don't you know I'll be calling him up tomorrrow. =))) boy o boy this rocks!! wish me luck ? =? 7 have taken me down :: take me down

drowing in my skull ++ Wednesday : March 13th : 2002 ::: 7:12am ++ ughhhhh The f'n thing still won't let me upload...I'll figure something out as soon as I wake up Step. My voice is going....slowly....away BLAH @ getting sick. I am congested and coughing like a mug. I just took some meds so I should be getting even more sleepy very soon. ah work last night....it wasn't TO bad and it didn't drag like I thought. Mike came in, it was pretty early though so I was still kinda busy and I only had time to say "how are you" and "have a good night" I made sure I smiled alot for him though, if that counts. Man, I keep thinking maybe he'll stop in to talk to me or something but THEN I remember he has NO idea he has become my lastest obesssion. aha My friend Erica came in to talk to me last night and I was talking to her about Mike and guess who walks in.....Todds mother =/ Man, she used to talk n talk to me. Last night she got her cigerattes and left....not another word. She prolly hates me but UGH Todd and I went out a couple times and all of a sudden he thought we were getting married or some shit??? Ok.... we did spend the night together and whatnot but fuck blah =/ Anyway ,I'd better get to bed before I die. 1 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Tuesday : March 12th : 2002 ::: 9:45pm ++ I was hopin' for Charles Manson but I guess Son of Sam works too..... If i was a serial killer i would be David Berkowitz</font color=#990000>. Originally believed to be a paranoid schizophrenic, David Berkowitz (the Son of Sam), claimed to be plagued by demons that came in the form of dogs, when the dogs would howl, that was their signal for him to kill. He said that the dogs would call out to him for blood and death, and their cry's would only stop by killing and assaulting over 6 New York women. In a later interview Berkowitz revealed that the demon story was a conscious fabrication that he had made up to force the police into believing he was insane if he was caught. He also confessed that he would become sexually aroused when stalking his victims and would sometimes come back to the crime scenes and masturbate while envisioning his prior killings. kill count: 6 Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now! Time for work. =) 3 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Tuesday : March 12th : 2002 ::: 4:06pm ++ mood  :  awake music  :  Blink 182 - first date Tonight is my last midnight, and I am finally off Wed. and Thrus. The ball on my favorite orange tongue ring cracked in half. =( Mike came in my work last night!!! I talked to him for a couple minutes....nothing of importance though. =/ I wouldn't have a problem asking him myself if he'd wanna do something or whatever but like I can't tell much about him yet. At least I've got him talking to me and I know he's quite shy. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. He couldn't sleep so he came down for some pop. He looked so cute in his jeans and thermal shirt with his hair a lil messed up. I will have this boy DAMN IT! o yuh and I got my period at 4AM, while I was at work! BAH! I think that's all for now, I'ma go sleep some more. 2 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Monday : March 11th : 2002 ::: 3:20am ++ This is the longest and by far the latest I've been on in some time. I am trying to stay up late because I work midnight tomorrow night and need to sleep all day tomorrow. what's new? well, I have my eye on this boy...Mike....who I just found out yesterday that my sister knows, so today at work...using that information to spark up conversation with him I started phaze 1 of operation "Get Mike" HAHA! I know, I am so gay. After the Todd thing though I doubt my sister will help me with this one. Anyway, I at least got him to talk today....he is overly shy and speaks in this really low tone and anyone who has ever spoken to me knows I am fairy loud. I also asked him "don't you ever smile?" yes , yes , yes my pick up lines are rusty but HEY he smiled!! hahaha! shessh I am yet to think up phaze 2....esspecially if my sister won't talk to him and throw in a good word for me. ;) I thought of using me and Steps "may I fuck your face?" line but I think I'll save that for later. hahahha! hmm I'm in my sisters room and it smells like dirty feet in here. =/ I'll have pictures of my car as soon as I get the developed...I took a shit load of them to send to my dad. I'll finally have a day off Wed....I've worked like 9 in a row because one slut quit n' the other one decided she needed to take her vacation with like NO notice. But on the bright side I had 2 hrs over time on last weeks pay and I'll have 5hrs over on this weeks. =) FUCKING YES The Outsiders are on TBS, Ima' go lay down and watch that now.... I'll prolly fall asleep. =/ good night =) 3 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Wednesday : March 6th : 2002 ::: 12:04pm ++ mood  :  thoughtful music  :  Mary J. Blige feat. Ja Rule - rainy dayz Something quite odd happen today....I haven't checked my old email in ages and today for some reason I decided to check it and there was an email from Joey written like 4 days ago. I was just like "huh". It's been over a year now.....why email me? I don't get it. I replied....just with simple everyday coversation....I had no idea what to say. Today is also Joeys lil sisters birthday and a one year ago today Jesse and I got together. -sigh there ain't no future livin' in the past 4 have taken me down :: take me down

Isn't it ironic... ++ Monday : March 4th : 2002 ::: 1:50pm ++ mood  :  weird music  :  Outkast - The Whole World I am so fucked up. I suddenly realized yesterday afternoon at work that I do not want to see Todd anymore. I don't even like him. I fuckin ugh , I don't even know. My mom is so mad at me, she knows him since he's my sisters friend. She says I led him on and used him. BLAH Can I help who I like?? I think I only hung out with him and stuff because he is SO fucking hot and he tells me I'm gorgeous. He has this REALLY dry sense of humor and he's just ugh everything that I'm not. I mean in some cases that could work, but not in this one. I'm going to just avoid him now, then on the 9th he will be gone and I can forget all about this. Why does everything have to be so difficult for me? I think instead of finding what I REALLY want I just settle for what I know I can have and that is a horrible way to live. I also talked to James for a bit today. Even after everything that has happen, he is still there to listen...he talked to me and listened to me while I vented all this shit. Today, I am picking my sister up from school and just her and I are gonna hang out. Go to dinner, maybe shop a bit, whatever. why me? 8 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Sunday : March 3rd : 2002 ::: 1:53pm ++ mood  :  pleased woop! Yesterday , aha omy Todd and I went to PA yesterday we ate , shopped and saw the laser shows of Pink Floyd. [Step you would have loved it] Anyway we ended up getting a hotel and staying all night together up there with a bottle of Jack and since I haven't drinken in like FOREVER I was toasted the mostest! Anyway, I woke up this morning all groggly and blah. I also have to be at work in like 30 minutes so I had to rush home this morning. I'm off tomorrow, we are soppused to do something, though I don't know what yet. Anyway, this boy is way fun!! Ima miss him when he leaves the 9th. 2 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Friday : March 1st : 2002 ::: 12:41pm ++ mood  :  cheerful music  :  fightin' with my sister I have to work at 2 30. rarrr My sister called from school today and made me act like our mom and talk to the principal so she could leave school early then she made me come get her. aha she's a nut. Anyway, I scanned this picture of Todd for you to see Step. I love you! ;) 4 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Thursday : February 28th : 2002 ::: 11:35pm ++ mood  :  happy The past few days have been OFF THE HOOK!. My sisters friend is home on leave from the Navy and him and I have been hanging out. Tuesday we went to the mall and I helped him pick out tons of new clothes. Wednesday he took me to the movies then we went back to his house and chilled like all night. Today I went to his house this morning before work. (let me just say between last night and today, I won't be needing the banana for a while. haha ;) Anyway, Saturday we are going to PA just to mess around or whatever. I am SO in love with my new car, I want to marry it!! haha! I think that's all. I love and miss you Step, I hope everythings going good for you. -muah 18 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Saturday : February 23rd : 2002 ::: 2:03pm ++ look Dave, we're both fags. how sweet it is... I Will Be Murdered!. Getting shot in the back while getting a quick 20 out of the ATM, then being dragged to a strange mans apartment where he disembowels you and slowly eats you over the course of a year isn't the most glamorous way to die, but at least you were dressed to impress... bling bling Find out how you will die, Take the Death Quiz now! 5 have taken me down :: take me down

awkkkkk! ++ Thursday : February 21st : 2002 ::: 7:21am ++ mood  :  chipper music  :  Master P - o0ohhhweeeeee! HI =) Today is a good day. I have been up since 5am and I have to be at work at 8am. I don't even know why it is a good day, yet. I'm sure once I get to work all of that will change. boy o boy I been sick, REALLY sick. Since Sunday and yesterday I called off work and today I am BETTER! Here's the monkies I got for Valentines day. =)) I hate having to scan stuff....my scanners junk or I don't know how to work it or something...nevertheless here they are =? 2 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Tuesday : February 19th : 2002 ::: 8:53pm ++ I was talking on MSN to Dave and said this......I decided to share it with everyone.... since it is so true =) you take all the pain away says: i wish vanessa would let me reply on her journal i would write "i hope someone fucks you in your whore ass so hard it kills you" 18 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Sunday : February 17th : 2002 ::: 5:07pm ++ HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARA! i love you lil kiwi ;) 1 have taken me down :: take me down

This is James........ I LOVE YOU CHERYL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ++ Thursday : February 14th : 2002 ::: 9:16pm ++ I remeber you singing this so i wanted to post it....hehehe 2pac & Dr. Dre California love! [1]-California...knows how to party California...knows how to party In the citaaay of L.A. In the citaaay of good ol' Watts In the citaaay, the city of Compton We keep it rockin! We keep it rockin! [Verse One: Dr. Dre] Now let me welcome everybody to the wild, wild west A state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness The track hits ya eardrum like a slug to ya chest Pack a vest for your Jimmy in the city of sex We in that sunshine state with a bomb ass hemp beat the state where ya never find a dance floor empty And pimps be on a mission for them greens lean mean money-makin-machines servin fiends I been in the game for ten years makin rap tunes ever since honeys was wearin sassoon Now it's '95 and they clock me and watch me Diamonds shinin lookin like I robbed Liberace It's all good, from Diego to tha Bay Your city is tha bomb if your city makin pay Throw up a finger if ya feel the same way Dre puttin it down for Californ-i-a [repeat 1] [2]-Shake it shake it baby Shake it shake it baby Shake it shake it mama Shake it Cali Shake it shake it baby Shake it shake it shake it shake it... [Verse Two: 2Pac] Out on bail fresh outta jail, California dreamin Soon as I stepped on the scene, I'm hearin hoochies screamin Fiendin for money and alcohol the life of a west side playa where cowards die Only in Cali where we riot not rally to live and die In L.A. we wearin Chucks not Ballies (that's right) Dressed in Locs and khaki suits and ride is what we do Flossin but have caution we collide with other crews Famous cause we program worldwide Let'em recognize from Long Beach to Rose Grands Bumpin and grindin like a slow jam, it's west side So you know the row won't bow down to no man Say what you say But give me that bomb beat from Dre Let me serenade the streets of L.A. From Oakland to Sacktown The Bay Area and back down Cali is where they put they mack down Give me love! [rpt 1] [dre] now make it shake... [rpt 2] [Outro: Dre, 2Pac] uh, yeah, uh, longbeach in tha house, uh yeah Oaktown, Oakland definately in tha house hahaha Frisko, Frisko [Tupac] hey, you know LA is up in this Pasadina, where you at yeah, Ingelwood, Ingelwood always up to no good (Tupac) even Hollywood tryin to get a piece baby Sacramento, sacramento where ya at? yeah Throw it up y'all, throw it up, Throw it up Let's show these fools how we do this on that west side Cause you and I know it's tha best side yeah, That's riight west coast, west coast uh, California Love California Love 4 have taken me down :: take me down

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY JAMES! ++ Thursday : February 14th : 2002 ::: 6:58pm ++ I got giffffts! =) My mother got me this HUGE black gorilla holding a heart and a key, and some sugar free choc. covered cherries. [sugar free candy gives me the poops but I didn't remind her of that bc she special ordered them] My sister gave me this monkey holding this sign that says "love" and the sign lights up and the monkey sings. My dad sent me another singing monkey that plays drums and sings and a lil monkey laying down with a red heart on his butt. THEN for my James! He got me a lil brown monkey that sits down, a hand cuffed gorilla that sings HAHAA that's the best! and a lil ring with 2 hearts. =) Is it obvious I LOVE monkies, gorilla, etc. =)) hahaha That's all, I'm on midnights until Sunday =/ *muah muah muah @ James 4 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Thursday : February 14th : 2002 ::: 7:40am ++ I am beginning to not be able to stand you..... 3 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Wednesday : February 13th : 2002 ::: 1:33pm ++ mood  :  cheerful music  :  Ozzy - dreamer YES! It said I am hotter than 66% of the chicks on hotornot.com. Thats more than half? Better than I thought I would get. HAHA! Everyone should go rate me =) http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=KYKEEZK&key;=WMS I haven't talked to Jeanna....I think she was sopussed to leave for Richays today? If you read this Jeannalynne....let me know whats going on with you? I miss you. <3 Just stuffed full of surprises. No one ever knows what you're going to do next. The greatest mystery to you is, naturally, "how do they get the caramel in the Caramilk bars?" take me down

how sweet it is..... ++ Monday : February 11th : 2002 ::: 7:59pm ++ mood  :  loved music  :  ben folds five - brick Take the "Which Nationality Are You?" test at OuchCryManson Made by: gothichic666 and ecology ^^ go figure LMAO I got my birthday card in the mail from Step today. Thank you love. =) 3 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Monday : February 11th : 2002 ::: 8:39am ++ mood  :  awake music  :  Foo Fighters - The One YES I have been up since 7am! Yesterday I full-filled my goal of sleeping all day and that is quite impressive. =) Tomorrow though....I have to work at 8am so I decided to get up early today. It's sad how I have to prepare myself for situations like GETTING UP ahaha James....I hope you're having fun at school. hehe <3 Anyway, I was bored What Pattern Are You? damn you are so PERFECT!!. be perfect all over again, click here. Find out what YOU are </font size=3> by ohbutitsshiny </font size=3> 2 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Sunday : February 10th : 2002 ::: 11:07pm ++ Thank You to everyone who wished me Happy Birthday and David for the my beautiful banner. =) My James sent me these two poems to me today. Happy Birthday to the One I Love I'd like to give you so many things for your birthday. But the thing I would most like for you to have is something that I'll never give to anyone else but you. A love... that lasts and lasts. A love shared... that every day grows more lovely, more meaningful, and more important. And a life so good and so happy, all for you... with love from me. Cheryl Ann Rudder, Ever since you came into my life you've become a part of me. No one else has made me feel so alive and so happy, And I know whatever hopes I have whatever dreams come true, will be more cherished in my life all because of you. Happy Birthday With all of my love 1 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Monday : February 4th : 2002 ::: 12:58pm ++ mood  :  loved music  :  P.O.D - youth of the nation mmmm Lunchables.....my new favorite, they make me feel good! I went to Pittsburgh yesterday....o0o shopppppppppin shopppppppin! Man I shopped so much and bought so much shit. I still only have my moms and James Valentines gifts though. I think I'm gettting my sister wwf tickets. Smack Down is coming to Cleveland in March. Other CRAP from the past 2 days has been worked out. I get mad sometimes over things noone has control over, yes. I feel extra special because of the friends that put up with me =? hehe hmmm I think I'll do NOTHING today, I am off. =) James , Step , Jeanna <3 Were you a gifted child? Your Score: 62% Test yourself at geekykid.net The Grammar Test Your Score: 71% Not too bad at all. My grammar skills are definitely above average. But, as they say, there's always room for improvement! Test yourself at geekykid.net 5 have taken me down :: take me down

++ Sunday : February 3rd : 2002 ::: 3:02pm ++ You answered all questions in a gay way. You must be gay. If not, you are extremely okay with gay people. To take the quiz yourself, click here now! . You're a hardworking individual enshrouded by an overwhelming sense of mystery, beauty, and intrigue. Though always on the go, you keep focused, helping - often rapturing - those you meet. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz. 3 have taken me down :: take me down

get around now  ::  playing then :: rewind