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YEEE-HAAAW |
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Tammy, Tammy, Tammy's in Love.. |
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Oh what if these two got together and had themselves some fine babies!! Oh a girl can dream. Again, makes one proud to be an American..hey I didn't say me though! Zeke T.B. Big Boy Baker Zucker, that would be a fine name for their son..has a nice ring to it..
now if only Zeke were real and this is what he looked like..*sigh*
 
But remember these fun facts about Tammy found on the redneck game web page...
She is NOT a Hillbilly--"Hillbilly is an Appalachian appellation. Since Ms. Baker (Dutch for "runny mascara") is from Wisconsin it is apparent that you are an inbred horses ass and know very little about many subjects"
She is NOT a Redneck--"Not a bad guess, but naturally you are wrong. You should be used to this by now. Rednecks are often educated and the affluence, while often garishly displayed, usually comes from at least semi-legitimate business enterprises. Tammy Faye, like you, fails to meet both of these criteria."
She in NOT White Trash--"While Tammy Faye displays many of the popular white trash manifestations she is, sadly, not of this type. The vast wealth she was able to accrue from the willing wallets of the whitest of trash elevates her above them if only for her superior guile and ambition."
She is however according to the site a Nick--"Atta boy/girl! Think about it. She is uncouth, unschooled, uncultured, and uncaring about anything but flaunting her kitschy, tacky possessions. Somehow we're not surprised that you knew this"
From Mobile Poems--works and life of a White Trash Poet Deke Zucker
If there's a Mall In Heaven by Deke Zucker
Slutty looking teenage girls, hair piled high
Thrice divorced moms, showing too much thigh
Belt buckle booth, cowboy boot shops
Country Western bar and there ain't no cops
NASCAR store opened in the west wing
Karaoke booth where my frunk buddies sing
Bass Pro Shops with a new casting pool
Sears and Monkey Wards, giving away tools
Frederick's of Hollywood for the little miss
My eight year old girl and her older half-sis
Guns and Ammo demo, no lines to get in
Indian casino, where I can win
Chesty stripper dancing, Hooters waitress too
And a stretch F-10 limc, brand spankin new!
however like his should be wife he is pervious to legal troubles..
he is currently being subject to accusations of plagerism by his
"hillbilly rival poet Delbert Stank..this poem came out before If there's
a mall in heaven"
If there's a store in Heaven
If will meet all of my needs
And, perhaps sunflower seeds
There'll be a store with crotchless panties
For my sisters and my aunties
And a john so I'll stop shittin in the weeds....
Drive In by Deke Zucker
Took my El Camino to the drive-in movies
Loaded up the back with all my friends
cooler full of Buds, bag of pot and some Milk Duds
We might even stay til this thing ends
Parked in front of some guy with his wife and family
We made sure that we talked really loud
We yelled "shit and fuck" took a leak on some guys truck
It would've made my daddy really proud
Went up to the snack bar for a cold fish sammidge
Buttered styrofoam and warm ice cream
Threw my garbage on the ground, ate a gumdrop that I found
Flipped off the crowd in the projector's beam
Right before the ending I turned ray headlights on
Flashed my high-beams brightly on the screen
With accelerator floored I snapped off the speaker cord
That was the worst damned flick I've ever seen
this has been typed as read, verbatim
Makes you proud to be an American do n it?
Oh sweet Jesus I think it's time to pray!! Lord have mercy on Americans everywhar:
St Isidore Patron Saint of the Interwebbe:
The Plastic Jesus:
Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through my trials and tribulations,
And my travels thru the nations,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far
I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn Holy Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car
You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell
I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car
ALT CHORUS
No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar
Riding through the thoroughfare
With his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see
He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind
ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par
When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning
ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far
When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar
God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan
Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van
When I'm goin' fornicatin
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Leering from the dashboard of my van
If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me
For His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask
ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar
too long I'll have to edit-
Plastic Jesus, you've got to go,
your magnet's burst my radio
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
But I, won't lose faith and I won't lose hope
cos, now I've got a pope on a rope
Swinging from the dashboard of my car
Once as I drove to Knock,
at a petrol station I got a shock
at the special offers that they had for me
20 more points and I can barter for a Jesus with stigmata
to sit upon the dashboard of my car
I found a site the other day with the song playing while Jesus danced but it seems to be gone now..for those of you who want to read the Plastic Cthulhu version or the Vishnu version go here:
http://www.whitetreeaz.com/plastic_jesus/
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tired
curious
touched
busy