Members

Name: Password:   Register...

ADVERTISE HERE

Text ads and links at affordable rates.

for more info

SIC!

POGROM CHIC

Hey you fuckers!

I hope you know that you are a bunch of KATSAP perverts. Your editor is a nut case. Whatever you've managed to come up with thus far is sheer nonsense. How could you sink so low? We despise you here in Ukraine. You a bunch of FUCKED IN THE HEAD sand niggers. We are going to get you soon. DIE.

William Morton

Dear Mr. Morton,

Wow, so you're going to come to Moscow from Ukraine just to "get" us? Cool. So what are you going to "get" us? Wait, we're gonna take a wild guess here. You're from Ukraine, so that means you're going to "get" us...hey, we know! You're going to "get" us a coffle of Ukrainian village whores! Including your sister! Wow, that's really nice of you. Great to know we have fans in the temporarily-independent Russian oblast known as "The Ukraine."

M-n-M's

War Nerd,

Both the M60 and M1 are in service in Iraq...and both are performing wonderfully. Of course, the Marines and other Naval types swear the M60 is better. It does use 1/4 of the fuel and it is easier to transport since it is lighter. Also, the diesel piston engine is highly reliable visa-vis the M1 turbine. But if I had to go into combat in a tank (and I don't) I would prefer the M1 hands-down to any other tank I am aware of. Has an RPG killed an M1? Probably. But not many of them and the Iraqis have been trying like hell for fourteen years, on and off. The suspension of the M1 was begun in 1960, and that of the M60 even earlier. Both are still fine tanks. But gimme an M1. And I used to serve with the M60s.

LG

Dear LG,

You can have your M1s and M60s. We prefer MDMAs. Far more fuel-efficient. And as far as we know, the Iraqis aren't trying to get their hands on any.

ALLAH OF MONTREAL

War Nerd,

I'm from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. I stumbled on your column while doing some online research many months ago and I've been a faithful reader since. I also enjoy much of the Exile because I like its humoristic attitude and it gives me an insight on russian life and politics I havent found anywhere else. I'd like to have your take on something. How hard could it be for a terrorist group using suicide attackers to blow up nuclear power plants in the US?

Gilbert Gelinas

Dear Monsieur Gelinas,

H'm. Bush's people have said for a while now that Canada is a haven for US-bound Al Qaeda terrorists. And we know that the French are bin Laden's natural ally. So we have to wonder, Monsieur, is this a question, or are you fishing for intelligence? Cuz if you're planning on aiding and abetting an attack like this, just make sure you hit the nuke plant closest to Brecher's office. He may not survive to thank you, but believe you us, he'll be grateful.

TORTURE IS COOL

Hi Mark,

I liked your letter from America. Two nights ago Alan Dershowitz was on CNN arguing that torture should be conducted openly and officially. He thinks it should be legalized and controlled. The opposing view was that torture is permissible in certain circumstance, but is generally ineffective. That's the spectrum of opinion.

Best wishes,
Miriam Lanskoy

Dear Ms. Lanskoy,

Under normal circumstances, the eXile would feel obliged to compose a gratuitously sexist reply involving the hi-tech transfer of digitalized images of a certain body region via fiber-optic cable. However, in keeping with these strange times, Miriam, we'd like to ask you if you wouldn't mind if we, you know, tortured you. It would be entirely consensual and within the guidelines as set out by Secretary Rumsfeld and Attorney General Ashcroft. And if anyone ever finds out, we can just squirt a few and tell everyone how horrified we are. Deal?

TUJ MAHAL

War Nerd,

Wow, you've got some great columns on your site. I've really enjoyed reading them; some of them display terrific insight.

I have to wonder though, while anti-missile technology hasn't exactly lived up to its promise (do those Phoenix cannons even work?), I have to think that eventually we'll get the Patriot concept right and design a small, quick, and highly accurate interceptor to take out these types of threats. If we could develop something like this, and make it small and cheap enough, it seems possible that a carrier could defend itself against hundreds of incoming missiles.

But I totally agree that our carriers now are virtually worthless. The Ageis class cruisers and missile frigates seems like the best bets now days. Your thoughts?

Tuj

Dear Tuj,

Here's our thoughts: "Uh...uh-huh-huh. Naked thingies. Uh-huh-huh. Butts. Uh-huh-huh. Naked butts. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh."

BRECHER UBER ALLES

Hi Gary,

in your latest War Nerd column "M1 vs. RPG" you shortly hinted at a German article. Since I served in the German army as a anti tank specialist let me put some light on this specific "good old Euro-Gloating" (hell, I like that phrase).

It is about an incident which happened in the early hours of August 28, 2003 in Baghdad, where an M1A1 of the 70th Regiment, 1st Armored Division has been penetrated by a anti tank round of unknown type. This story didn't originate in Europe but was first published in the October issue of the Army Times... the little article is mirrored here. Thankfully the Marine Times has a nice photo line up showing the penetrator's way through the turret of this M1, have a look at it at . Is that the same incident you referred to ("armpit")? The weird thing was that this looked like a hollow-charged penetrator entered the turret with enormous kinetic energy. So it seems that not only the US of A is using Iraq as a weapons testing site. Some thought it is a new kind of ammo for the RPG-22 (others even speculated of a "handy rail gun"). Since Krauts are still a little tank crazy this story made it to the mainstream media like "Der Spiegel" (the leading weekly magazine here) and from there it just spread. If I remember correctly it later turned out to be a new twin-charge HEAT round of the RPG-7V1.... so the Russians ARE actually using Iraq as a testing site.

I personally do not think there is many of this special armour piercing ammo around in Iraq for the RPG-7... the Iraqi seem to use it mainly as a straight shooting grenade launcher against soft targets.... simple cheap blast warheads. This kind of ammo is not capable of penetrating the armour of an M1 which is why I think the US Army is using the Abrams in the first place. The RPG-7 is obviously available in enormous numbers and the other US armour like Bradley, Stryker or worse are vulnerable to it. And since the top brass cannot afford many casualties my guess is that they use the M1 mainly as mobile cover for the grunts in the streets (archers lurking behind the mounted knight to avoid hostile arrows)... or at least I hope so. The use of the main gun in those urban areas would serve as a wonderful guerilla recruiter and also remember... the US tax payer gets the Bechtel bills for reconstructing Iraqi ruins (see, I'm a cynic, too, although I'm thin as a broom stick).

Finally, I want to hint you to a interesting Powerpoint presentation of the "Team Abrams" were you can see nice pics of the effect of various Iraqi weapons on the M1 armour. You can download it here (1,9 MB) (If you don't have Powerpoint just download a Powerpoint viewer from the microsoft home page). There they speak of some side penetrations of anti-tank rounds but call the damage inflicted by ordinary RPG ammo as merely "cosmetic".

Love your columns, keep it up
Volker
(Germany, quagmire-free old Europe)

Dear Herr Volker,

Actually you should have signed off, "American-conquered-and-occupied old Europe," but that's beside the point. The truth is that your letter is surprisingly interesting and the War Nerd was excited to read it. A real German fan! No, that doesn't mean he's willing to allow you to kill and eat him. But yes, it does mean that every American war nerd dreams of being respected by a genuine Deutscheland tank buff. By the way, two questions. First of all, is it true that no one ever escaped from Stalag 13? And secondly, what does "Ja, das ist gut, ja! Mmm, ja, das ist fantastiche! Ja, fucken zie, ja!" mean? We, uh, saw it in a movie, forget the name, but we just happened to remember that line because we watched the movie about 164 times. Thanks.

FONDLE-DUE

Mark

I'm not sure if you can estimate the joy, fun and intelligent entertainment you and your magazine bring to me. I just happened to find your online magazine a few days ago and I spend every single minute not working hard for my money to read your articles. Of course I love the whore-r stories, but after having consumed this entry drug, I came to a lot of other articles and I'm not really sure if your magazine has really something to do with Russia and Moscow. I'd rather say it's the only american magazine I like to read, and Moscow is the excuse so you don't get transferred directly to Guantanamo the second you put a toe on american ground.

Of course I might just not be your target group (as a swiss that has never been to russia) and I understand you must write as it comes to your head. If one day you just have not a lot to do and your shareholders have already paid your monthly excursions, I might suggest you add a little slangctionary to some of the articles to explain a couple of sayings that a non native english speaker might not understand.

Nevertheless I can share the fun you have doing this magazine, and it's the most refreshing, astonishing and surprising piece of journalism (or would you call it literature?) that I have read in years.

Good luck to you and your staff, keep up the good work, and may Moscow never become like the rest of the western world.

Dasvidanje and poka
Thomas Bollinger

Dear Herr Bollinger,

We hear there's a lot of Russian money parked in your quiet little Alpine nation. Like about 70% of the Soviet Union's wealth. How's about we make a deal? You kick back a few mill to us, and in return, we'll be your court jester, wowing you with wild tales of whores and drugs on the edge of civilization. See, we're getting a little antsy out here. Something tells us that entertaining rich people for free is not a viable long-term business model.

DIGGIN HIGGINS

Higgins returns victorious!! Fuckin aye!! While he's on a faggot bashing mission why doesn't he get rid of that mincing faggot in chief Salnikov and reclaim his rightful place as exile nightlife guru?

keep up the good work
Pete Shaw

Dear Mr. Shaw,

Higgins politely declined all offers to return to the eXile at least until after the November elections. He is a senior state campaign official in the Bush-Cheney '04 camp, and so unfortunately he won't be able to spend any serious length of time here. If Bush loses, we might get Higgins back. If Bush wins, word has it that Higgins may get a post in the Defense Department. We'll keep you updated.

AL KLA-EDA

War Nerd,

Hi i did not like your articel about Great Albania.

So were do you live.
Labinot

Dear Mr. Labinot,

The War Nerd lives in Palo Alto, California and works at Stanford University. He goes under the pseudonym "Michael McFaul" just to protect himself from all the crazies out there. But you're not one of those crazies, are you? Anyway, he says he'd love to have you over for tea. Just drop by his house sometime. Surprise him! He loves surprises!

DARBY CRASH

Ames--

Thank you. Thank you for remembering all the way back to 2001 when people in the States were clamoring for torture. I know it's too much to hope for mainstream journalists to have a three-year memory span, but I had at least hoped the alternative media would pick up on the story. But, as far as I can tell, the eXile is the only outlet that has.

One tiny bit of honesty is still to be found in articles about how whistleblower Joseph Darby will be treated when he gets home. Apparently his fellow Marylanders are calling for his head and saying that the Iraqis in Abu Ghraib got what they deserved because "they've done much worse to us than that." Of course all the media outlets fail to ask what exactly it is that "they did to us."

Rachel

Dear Ms. Rachel,

We know what the Iraqis did to us. They cleverly tricked our soldiers into torturing them and photographing the torture, just to make us look like jerks. The truth is that Americans are really nice guys, once you get to know us. But we're so damn naive that we actually let the Iraqis lure us into torturing them, just because we can't believe that there would be people out there who would lie about wanting to be tortured. You see, Americans are just too damn good for this cruel and evil world.

TALLA-BAN

Hey John,

Enjoyed the Abu Ghraibi article immensely. Keep up the fine work.

Do you have a website or ??

Thanks,
Ross Hansell
Tallahassee

Dear Mr. Hansell,

Do you have a Gretel? Could you send us an mpeg of her snapper, a proof of consent form and two forms of ID?

GET EVER ITT

Dear John Dolan,

First of all, I want to state that what happened to the prisoners was a sin and a shame. Those that did these deeds should be punished from the lowest enlisted person (which will probably be the extent of it) to the highest authority. But, not the death penalty as the Arabic world is screaming for. Things like this happen on both sides of the conflict and you know it or you ignore it. War is hell on both sides of the fence.

The second part of this concerns Pvt. Lynndie England. How dare you sit on your high horse and call he a chinless, inbred, runty, androgynous mutt? Do you know this to be a fact?? This is the perception held about the people of the Southland fostered by the lies of Yankees and their ilk and now by you, living in Russia.

The people of the Southland are not inbred as you would like to believe. Nor are the majority trailer-park trash as is another misconception. The vast majority of us are God fearing Christians that work hard for a living and doing right by others. We are also proud of our Southern history and heritage.

There are good folks and bad folks in every race and nationality, as you well know. Just don't lump everyone into the same barrel. It just don't wash!

Would you please tell me why you are living and writing from Russia instead of America. Just curious.

Bill Everitt
Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler!
Dixie, Deo Vindice

Dear Mr. Everitt,

We couldn't have said it better ourselves. You and the vast majority of the people of Southland are God-fearing Christians that work hard for a living. You're the very people who sent li'l Lynndie to Iraq to do your dirty work and who'll have her court-martialed for making the most of the only chance she'll ever get to enjoy a little power. Then, after she's been handed the maximum sentence without parole that God-fearing Christians like yourself demand, you'll forbid her from getting an abortion. An hour after giving birth, you'll strip her child from her, leaving her to finish her sentence and him to grow up hating himself as he bounces around the foster care system. He'll become a stoner and ultimately settle for a life of serving up Atkins-friendly wraps in a Wal-Mart for God-fearing Christians like yourself.

[SIC]LE OF LIFE

go fuck yourself and die maggott.

aimatti

Dear Mr. aimatti,

Using the eXile's patented U-SIR Friendly software "Guaranteed to Satisfy" we have investigated your request. Unfortunately, we discovered that maggots such as ourselves do not fornicate until we mature, and then only once. Self-fertilization has never been observed among known species. However, you can console yourself with the knowledge that when we do mature and breed, our life expectancy will not exceed 40 to 45 days.

Issue In

#191

27 May 04

(3 weeks old)

Article Font

Email Article

Email address(es):

Note:

Affiliate Links

By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence.

Online Movies

  • Hundreds of feature films, starting at $3.95
  • Streaming On Demand
  • No Delivery - No late charges
  • Watch what you want, when you want it!

200 beautiful
Russian Brides
a week!

Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Bride.Ru

See your message here! Write to