Sensei and Sensibility
Sunday, May 30, 2004
The Secret Of the Universe!
Well, lately I`ve been hearing a lot about this at school. It is "Moral Education", if you will.
Today, there was a student assembly and a speech about this. Apparently, if the students did this one thing, and only this one thing, they would be instantly transformed into good students and good people! One student was called up on stage to demonstrate this.
This one thing is the glue of all society!!
Last week, I helped to interview students for our upcoming exchange trip. They were asked to name one thing that they wished to improve about themselves. All of the students said that they wished that they could do this better.
What is this mysterious solution to all of society`s problems?
...
...
Loud Greetings!!!!
So, the next time you see someone on the street, shout "GOOD MORNING" to them at the top of your voice!
When your colleagues leave the office, scream "GOOD BYE!" at them, as loudly as you can.
Together, through greeting each other loudly and energetically, we can all achieve world peace....
...or so my students were told.
:)
 Sabine . 7:56 PM . Comments
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Monday, May 24, 2004
Yoshi and I woke up this morning, and like any day, we made coffee and relaxed. Staring out of our window, we could see the sun shining down upon the river, its reflection dancing on the ripples.
"Today is a good day," we said as we hugged each other.
Yoshi had to leave - he had a long drive to his hometown to pick up his family register. I called my mom and my sister, and talked leisurely with them. As I stood on the balcony once more, I thought about my father and wondered what he would think. about today. I noticed movement in the river. I leaned over the railing to get a better look. There, swimming up stream, was a one metre long Giant Salamander. Slowly, surely, this rare creature was making his way from rock to rock, forging ahead up the river. The sun shone warmly on my face.
I showered, dressed, cleaned the house. I thought, "My mom would be proud," as I scrubbed at the floor. She believes that it is always best to make sure that the house is clean for days like Monday. Her mom always told her things like this, and now I too am hearing my mother whisper these kinds of things in my ear.
I made Yoshi`s and my favourite brunch. Days like today should call for more elevated cuisine, however Yoshi and I are simple souls: we preferred to have breakfast sausages, fried eggs, and garlic homefries.
After brunch, we just sat there, relaxing together, enjoying the sunshine, talking as if it was any other day. We looked at our watches: 1:45, time to go.
Checking to make sure that all our paperwork was in order, we leisurely drove to the town hall and walked up to the counter. The lady at the counter recognized us instantly (who couldn`t?), and smilingly helped us finish filling out the forms. We patiently waited. Ichinose san came down to see us, and softly said, "Omedetou. Honto ni omedetou." Congratulations, really, congratulations. We were called back up to the counter, and asked to sign our names. Yoshi carefully removed and cleaned his hanko (name stamp). I slowly pulled the pen out of the container. We squeezed each other`s hands and with that, signed the papers. We handed over our 1000 yen (about 12CAD). The lady told us that she would print it up in the newspaper. She handed us our papers and quietly said, "Omedetou."
And with that, Yoshi and I walked out of the town hall, hand in hand, husband and wife for the first time.
We returned home, and quickly changed out of our fancy clothes. We had been saving some Australian Pinot Noir for this occasion, a gift from a mutual friend who went to the vinyard to get it for us. We toasted, drank the wine (Yoshi kept staring at the papers and repeating astonshingly, "I am a husband, and you are my wife!"). It really was a bit surreal, but it is difficult to explain why. In Japan, every family gets a family register. Births, deaths, and marriages are recorded on this. Yoshi`s family register had a big black box beside his sister`s name: moved. His sister, married, has been essentially removed from his parents register and onto her new family`s register. It makes a census easy, I think! Yoshi, being a son, will still be noted on his parents register, however, there will be a memo attached to it: Yoshi, being married, is now the head of another family. A marriage in Japan is more than just a uniting of a couple, it is the creation of a family. Legally, now, we are a family. We have our own register, and this was so amazing to look at. At the top, Yoshi`s name, listed as husband. Under that, my name, listed as wife. Under that, three spaces, for additional members. For children. This paper would be the official record of our family. It was so powerful - it was our future all on one sheet of paper. We sipped our wine, holding hands, just taking it all in. Images of our future spilled through our minds like the wine spilled down our throats.
Jump forward a few hours to 6pm. Once again, we put on our nice clothes. I wore dress pants and Yoshi put on his good jeans :) I wore my white dress coat. We grabbed the champagne, and walked slowly, hand in hand, to our favourite park. Memories came flooding back - the barbecues, the late-night walks to go look at the stars, Andrew (the Australian) building his first snowman ever there. It seemed fitting that this little park nestled in the mountains at the junction of two little rivers, should be the setting for another memory. The last rays of the sun were warming our faces as we neared the meeting spot. Soon, it would sink down behind the mountains, casting an orange glow over the tips of the pine trees, and over the tops of our beloved mountains of Ikuno.
As we crossed the tiny bridge over the Ichikawa river, hand in hand, we heard the shouts of our waiting posse of friends: Suzette and Maeva, who had rushed there after work in Asago; Sato san, who always brings his taiko drum with him when we go hiking (or anywhere for that matter!); Jo, who made the hour-long trek from Kasai after school just to take part in the proceedings; Paul, who came bearing a portable piano and hook up cables; and Andrew, the friend who has been there from the beginning, who helped us come together, and who was going to be our stand-in conductor (a job he had done on the side in Kumamoto). There were shouts and hugs and questions from our friends, but most importantly, there was love. Looking at Yoshi`s glowing face, and at the smiling faces of my friends, I realized that I had never felt so cared about in all my life. We started our voyages together recently, and it was amazing just to feel the power of love radiating from everyone. We set up quickly, and it was decided that Sato san would "give me away". Yoshi and I don`t have rings yet - in this land of forests, there`s no place to buy diamonds - so Andrew brought some hand-made necklaces for us to use. We used a rock as our altar, the sunset and rose-tipped clouds as our stained glass windows, and the mountains as our church. Maeva and Suzette came bearing a bouquet of carnations, my mom`s favourite flower, so that she too could be a part of the ceremony.
As Paul`s fingers tickled the keys of the piano, I walked across the grassy knoll to my waiting groom. Sato san released me, and made his way back to our onlookers. And Andrew began his speech. Standing there, looking back and forth between Yoshi and Andrew, I was beaming. My family wasn`t there, and yet they were. My mom was there in the carnations, my sister and her family were there in the words that Andrew was saying (the speech, "The greatest of these is Love", which I had recited at her wedding years ago), my other sister was there in the piano playing, and my brother and his family were there in the park - I could only imagine the kids running around to look at the goldfish in the river the entire time.
The words sunk in as we looked at each other. Tears welled up in our eyes. There was something so pure, so simple, and so honest about this gesture. Gone were the contrived clothes and wedding halls, gone was the stress of making sure that everyone was happy and knew what they were doing. It was just a group of close friends, gathering on a hill, and speaking from the heart with the beauty and power of nature as our witness.
Soon, we had repeated our vows (in Japanese!!! "Hai, chikaimasu!"), placed the necklaces around each others necks, and shared a kiss and a hug with our friends and our town. The ceremony was over, and we were still hugging, and when we broke apart, we ran to hug our friends.
Together, we popped the champagne cork and shared a toast. Sato san almost managed to catch the flying cork, until a lamp-post got in his way. There was laughter and cheering, and hurriedly packing up of everything - we had a party to get to at our local Izakaya, and Ichinose san and Yuko were already waiting there.
The ten of us sat down to beer and sashimi, speeches by Ichinose san (who was my witness for the marriage papers), and Andrew, and slowly, the evening turned into night. This Izakaya was the perfect place for our celebrations, as it too has been the setting for many of our memories in Ikuno. The Taisho (owner/head cook) was a bit disappointed that he didn`t know the reason for the celebrating: he would have gotten champagne in. Instead, he placed a single candle in an Onigiri (giant rice ball) for us to blow out together. Maeve had brought cake, and made an amazingly accurate drawing of Yoshi and I. Again, glowing faces everywhere. It was so nice to be surrounded by this amazing group of friends! I wished that the night would never end, but alas, the warm sake had made us sleepy, and we eventually parted our ways.
The next day, when Yoshi and I woke up, things had returned to normal, but the warm glow was still in our hearts.
Sabine . 10:47 PM . Comments
Monday, April 26, 2004
Latest happenings and news - it`s long!!!
Long time no speak!!! Yah, it`s been crazy busy here. Sadly, the work part has not been so busy, but my private life has taken over. Have been keeping events secret from you, my loyal friends, and I feel badly about that. However, it has been necessary. You, no doubt, have heard me drop the name Yoshi into my posts every once in a while. Let me explain who Yoshi is:
Early spring, 2003: Man sees me in supermarket and thinks "Hm. She`s cute. We have foreigners in this town??!"
May 2003: First night of my new adult class. Four new students show up. Iwamiya san, a super intelligent octigenarian who was my pottery instructor. He ends up acing all English tests I gave him, is fluent in reading and writing English, but has never spoken English to me before. He made me suffer through pottery class in Japanese, even when I`d only been in Japan for 2 months!!! Yasumoto san, a lovable man with a passion for pachinko, Ota san, my former principal (since retired) and a former English teacher, and Sasakura san, a youg guy. I first geve the class an aptitude test, to see what everyone`s level was so that I could plan classes. The two best scores in the class are from Iwamiya san and Sasakura san - both new students. Then I did my presentation on Nepal. After class, Sasakura san approaches me and asks to see the rest of my photos. He is interested in Nepal because he spent a great number of months backpacking through India, Pakistan and Iran, but didn`t get to Nepal and wants to go. I am shocked. A Japanese backpacker in Ikuno??? Plus, he`s cute. But, he`s not so young, so I figure he must be married.
Later that night: I call my friend Maeva and spend too much time talking about the young Sasakura san - I tell her that he`s young and cute and well travelled and speaks great English. Our curiosity is picqued - what is this guy doing in Ikuno, land of the geriatrics and traditional folk?? We decide that he must be either crazy or married to a local and drop the subject.
June: bump into Sasakura san at the bank machine. I am cordial, but not so friendly, as I am trying to transfer money from one account into another to another one in Tokyo so that it can be transferred to Canada. Doing it all in Japanese, so am concentrating. Later, I bang my head against the wall for not asking for help and for not being so friendly to this guy.
Late June: decide I need to know more about this mystery man. Invent game for Adult class, similar to "two truths and a lie". Students had to write 5 statements about themselves and we had to guess if they were true or false, then we could ask the class questions about what they wrote. Managed to glean that he is 30, single, likes hiking and has travelled to 17 countries. He went to a good university, but gave up the life of a Japanese salaryman to go work in the forest and be close to nature. My interest is now piqued: similar interests, good English, good looking, and most importantly, he seemed curious about me: asked me if I was single and about my age and hobbies and such.
Beginning of July: show the class part of Baraka, my favourite movie. Two students want to borrow the film to watch the rest, Noriko and Sasakura san. Give the tape first to Noriko, so that I will have to contact Sasakura san outside of class to get him the tape ;)
End of July: Annual summer BBQ before summer hiatus. Noriko gives me back the tape, which I pass to Sasakura san. We exchange e-mail addresses and phone numbers so that I can get the tape back when I return from Canada. He proceeds to tell me all about how Japanese like their hamburgers and how they like their fireworks and such. My interest goes down quite a bit. I have no interest in Nihonjinron.
August: I am in Canada and recive e-mail from Sasakura san. He liked Baraka! There is hope! We continue to e-mail, even while he his hiking in the mountains of the Southern Alps. It is all very cordial, however, as he is still my student so I cannot initiate anything that would seem less than professional.
Middle of August: meet new ALT in Ikuno, Andrew. He`s a young guy who wants to meet other fun, young people with similar interests. He wants to plan a BBQ and have me invite some people that I know. I invite Sasakura san, under the guise that two young guys would get along, and because they are neighbours. I, however, have plans to try to bring our relationship out of the classroom somewhat. Little did I know, so did he. On the way to the BBQ, I was hit by a truck and broke my thumb while riding my bike. I was still a few kilometres away from the BBQ, and now I was late and Sasakura san was waiting. I decided that, since the emergency room was already closed, and since I had an agenda for the evening, I would still go to the BBQ, and ice my thumb with some cold beer. I arrived, well over an hour late, explained it all to Andrew, and searched for Sasakura san. There was no sign of him. We set up for the BBQ when I got an e-mail - Sasakura san had been waiting all this time close by. I ran to go get him. We stopped to get more beer, and Sasakura san became Yoshi (short for his first name, Yoshihide). The BBQ was fun, despite my throbbing thumb, and Yoshi and I discovered that we had a bit more in common than just the hobbies. He walked me back to the main road, pushing my bike, and we finished the night with a hug.
The following week: I now had a cast on, and was preparing for the sports festival at school. I had planned a dinner for the Friday night, and invited Yoshi, Andrew, and Arimoto san (a teacher at Andrew`s school). Sadly ;) the only one who could come was Yoshi. He ended up bringing all the food and cooking it all, as my hand was in a cast. We talked and talked and talked and talked until about 4am. We napped and he left for work at 6am the next day. The next evening, he showed up with food for me, so that I wouldn`t have to cook (hand still in cast). Pretty much from that point on, he didn`t really leave my place. It became evident from the start that we didn`t just have the same interests, but we had the same way of thinking and perceiving the world. In short, I had found the yang to my yin, or yin to my yang or whatever. He met my friends, and we were lumped as one being from the start.
End of September: His friends came to visit from Osaka, and we got to see how well matched we were. We went to a festival in Ikuno together, and the gossip started. However, we had to be discreet, as he was my student still. He`d have to sneak over after classes and such.
Beginning of October: My birthday party with my adult class. There were many questions after we had been seen at the festival, but we managed to convince the class that we were not together. Not so hard, really, as it was virtually impossible for them to accept a relationship between a Japanese man and a Western woman. They knew that Andrew, the Germans, Yoshi and I went out for Karaoke afterwards, but were far more inclined to think that Andrew and I (two westerners) were together (even though they knew that he had a serious girlfriend).
End of October: went to Osaka and Kyoto to celebrate my birthday. Met friends of his from University, one of whom had lived in Vancouver. We were inseperable, and extremely close. So much so, that the talk turned to Yoshi coming back to Vancouver with me. It was enticing to us from the start, but still too early.
November: I went to Australia. The ten day separation was painful. We had become a family without even trying. We were connected. It wasn`t scary or anything - only comfortable. We had slipped into something deeper sometime in September or October without even knowing it.
December: we went back to Osaka to celebrate Christmas and a huge separation that was about to happen for us. I was to go back to Canada for three weeks, and Yoshi was going to go to Nepal for three weeks - we wouldn`t see each other for 6 weeks. Our hearts were breaking. However, we managed to relax and have a good time, going to little Korea for yakiniku, then to Pachinko for my first time, to do print club pictures and karaoke and such. The next morning, we went to Osaka aquarium and then shopping and then home. A cloud was hanging over our heads though. During our absence, we knew that one of two things would happen. Either the distance would tell us that this was it for us, or it would tell us that it wasn`t. When we next met up, we knew that we would either decide to be together, or to go our separate ways in the summer.
Christmas: Called each other more than was healthy for our bank accounts. It seemed wrong to be apart, like having Christmas without family. New Years was even more painful, as there would be a true separation then - Yoshi wouldn`t even have e-mail access during much of his trip (trek).
January: I was back in Japan, and my life was essentially on hold. All I could do was wait and worry. I looked at my Lonely Planet - where would he be on the route? Does he know that if he goes north on the trail, there is a huge risk for avalanches??? I don`t even remember what I did in my free time.
End of January: Yoshi comes home. All we can do for the first few hours is just look at each other and hug. No one dares start the conversation about all the thoughts that were running through our heads. We slide back into our familiar conversations and habits comfortably, and within a few days, it was like we were never separated.
Very end of January: I have the flu, so I leave work early, surprising Yoshi who is at my place. We start talking, though I am not sure that what I am hearing is correct, as my fever is pretty high. He tells me that he has decided that he wants to be together forever, that he knew that for certain when he was in Nepal, all alone, talking to me on the top of mountains and along trails. The truth is that we are already always together in our hearts. So he will come to Vancouver, and he will spend the rest of his life with me, if I will have him. Followed by a bow and a "Yoroshiku onegaishimasu" (very formal way to kind of say "Please be kind to me and please do me this favour"). I wasn`t quite sure what was happening. I think that I was just proposed to, but I am uncertain without the kneeling and the ring. I think that I cried, but I am not sure. I remember that we hugged and then I fell asleep, and then we scrapped the dinner we were going to have and went to buy something already prepared from the supermarket.
The next day, he left on a work trip and I was off sick with a fever of 38 degrees. I wasn`t sure which way was up, let alone what had happened. I called Maeva: maybe if I told her the way things had happened, she could tell me if I was engaged or not??! She flipped, and after confirming with her, I discovered that I was, indeed, engaged.
February was a busy month - Yoshi was preparing for his sister`s wedding. So, we didn`t tell anyone because first we had to tell our parents. In Japan, when you announce that you have a girlfriend to your family (if they are the traditional sort), this is basically an announcement of an engagement. There was nothing that we could do until after his sister`s wedding at the end of the month. We definitely did not want to break this kind of news and steal her thunder. So, after his sister and brother in law came back from their honeymoon, we made plans to meet. Aiko`s reply to Yoshi`s "I want you to meet my girlfriend" e-mail was simply, "Oh my goodness! Are you getting married too??" OK, so things are different in Japan! We knew that things would be crazy so we ezcaped to Okinawa with Andrew and Paul for the weekend.
Beginning of March: I met Aiko and Tomoki for the first time. They were stunned speechless when they saw a Canadian girl standing there. However, we soon became comfortable together (well, I was squirming a bit when they were giving us the 3rd degree). It went quite well, and we all got along exceptionally. I was surprised, and both of us were relieved and exhausted!!
Next, Aiko had to tell her parents. They would be flattened that I was a foreigner, and we were certain that they would NOT be pleased. I, however, was preparing to go to Cambodia, and preparing for my sister`s visit immediately afterwards. We realized that this would no longer be a secret, not once my sister came, so we called my mom to tell her, e-mailed or called our closest friends, and send out a letter inviting our Adult class to a coffee and cake party to celebrate our engagement and welcome my sister to town.
Then, one week before Cambodia, all hell broke loose. I remembered Yoshi the wise saying as we were making plans to inform people that we would have to remain extremely calm over the next few weeks. BOY was he right. Our class and the town went crazy on us, and we did our best to hide out at my place. Then Aiko called to tell us that she had told his parents. My mom had taken the news just fine, as was expected. People from different cultures marrying in Canada is just not so shocking. Here is a different story though. I will never forget that night. I was washing the cupboards when the call came. There were the standard greetings and low voices for the first minutes. Then Yoshi screamed, "Really??? You`re lying!!!" I was dying, trying to understand all that was being said. When he got off the phone, he tried to look sad, tried to fool me, but he couldn`t. They had accepted it, and even started talking about plans to come to visit us in Canada. I cannot describe the relief that we felt!!!
Then I left for Cambodia, and I so wished that Yoshi could be with me on my trip, relaxing and just enjoying things together. Sigh. We e-mailed every day though.
I met up with my sister in Thailand, and then we came back to Japan together. But as they would say on the riverbank, that`s another story.
Since being back, I have met Yoshi`s parents and they truly do accept and support us. Strange though, his dad said that "I am much better than if he would have brought home a strange Japanese girl", meaning that they realize that Yoshi is a bit different from your traditional guys here, so they didn`t expect him to bring home a traditional girl. For them, my strangeness is easy to accept, because it is only foreign. However, a non-traditional Japanese woman would have been more difficult for them to accept. And it was true, it showed in the meeting. There was much curiosity, although they seemed to be relieved at my interest in Japan. As for my family, Elke and Yoshi got along like wildfire, and I have a feeling that my mom will too :)
Tomorrow, my mom`s best friend`s daughter arrives here in Ikuno, so she`ll have to bring back a report to my mom as well.
Then we have to get the paperwork together for Canadian Immigration, and all the paperwork for our marriage certificates and stuff here. The plan thus far is to do all the paperwork here, so that we can have a party with Yoshi`s family (his parents have upwards of 13 siblings each, so the extended family is HUGE and this will give them a chance to celebrate with us), but the ceremony will be in Canada, hopefully next spring (May/June if Canada will let Yoshi in by then!) That will give us some time to get settled in Canada, and go on our honeymoon (defintely Spain and Morocco - hoping for Egypt and a Greek Island or two)before the fall school year starts. Help me cross my fingers that all goes smoothly and quickly with immigration!!! I might just die being apart from him while waiting for him to get in to Canada!!!!
For those of you who are surprised by all this information (we did better than we thought at keeping it all a secret!), know that you won`t be when you meet him and see us together. I can definitely see myself waking up next to him for the ret of my life. With him, I feel supported, but free. He gets me - and that is rare! We might change over the years, but I am confident that since we are so much alike in our personalities and thinking, we can change together. Most of all, though, is the respect that we have for each other, and the fact that we have always had to communicate well to achieve understanding. Many couples take for granted the work that it takes to make a partnership function well, but for us, coming from two different languages and cultures, this work has always been a part of our relationship. We help each other, and support each other. We have a true partnership, and a sense of family, and common goals. Oddly, this was all present from the beginning, as if we were connected as a family before we even met. I can`t wait for you to meet him! Don`t worry - if you know me, then you already know him too!!! :)
Let`s cross our fingers and hope that all goes well with the paperwork and such!!!
Sabine . 8:05 PM . Comments
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