A British spy cruising internet chat rooms talks a 14-year-old boy into stabbing another child his age by persuading him that the intended victim is already dying of a brain tumor. Meanwhile, the intended victim is being stalked by another youth who is himself murdered. Finally, the two boys - would-be killer and victim - meet in a crowded square after purchasing a kitchen knife together, the same one which the killer uses to stab the victim in the chest and stomach.

Horrifying, isn’t it?

Now for the twist: there was neither spy nor stalker. The victim set it all up.

Were it not for the frightening implications of his sociopathic behavior, I’d say that young man has a bright future in fiction.

Undecided about which software to choose now that you’re moving away from MovableType? Check out the blog software breakdown at Asymptomatic.

I know we’re all looking forward to a 3-day weekend. (Those of us who are military families are actually looking forward to a 4-day one.) But don’t forget to stop what you’re doing on Memorial Day at 3 p.m. - your local time - and join in the National Moment of Remembrance to recognize and respect the fallen warriors from the Revolutionary War to the present.

It’s that time of year again: time to compile the summer reading list, to start packing a paperback in my bag to read when I take the kids to a beach besides the one behind our house (because that, as they tell me, is “Sooooo boring, Mom!"). Time to get to know the clerks at Border’s and Walden’s on a first name basis. Yep, it’s summer time, and the reading is easy.

I picked up my first selection for the summer today when I took the Big-Eyed Boy to Border’s so he could pick out a reward for having been a big, brave boy when they put the cast on his leg. He went for Elmo’s World: Being Clean!, which I’m sure we’ll be reading together nightly for several weeks to come.

Me? I’m in the mood for a little sweetness and light so, having been a big fan of The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells, I opted for another along the same lines. Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons by Lorna Landvik caught my eye, not just because of the cover art featuring a kitschy trio of women bobbing and playing gin in a swimming pool around a floating table bedecked with martinis. I admit: the title itself gave me a chuckle and that was enough to get me to flip through the first page or two. (Hey, it’s summer reading. I don’t go for intellectual stuff when I’m working on my tan.)

Now that the Big-Eyed Boy is down for his nap, I thought I’d go out on the lanai and read a few pages before catching up on the news. Well. From the very first paragraph, I’m hooked. Intrigued. Laughing. Utterly charmed by the honest, humorous writing and a gang of five female characters who remind me of myself and my girlfriends. So reading the headlines will just have to wait. I’ve made a fresh pot of coffee and I’m going to hunker down in my chair outside for an hour or so of what I’m sure will be a thoroughly enjoyable book.

Get your own copy and laugh along with me.

I just got back from taking the Big-Eyed Boy to the doctor. The poor little guy - who’s been crawling, scooting and hopping around here on one leg - is now wearing a cast on his left leg from his toes to just under his knee.

And I am pissed.

Not that he has a cast. Clearly, he needs one. He has a healing, non-displaced fracture on his left tibia. What I’m pissed about is that the first doctor I took him to didn’t diagnose that! She looked at his leg, noted the absence of discoloration and swelling, and the fact that it didn’t seem to cause him any pain when she rotated his ankle, pushed up and down on his foot or wiggled his toes.

A sprain, she said. Give it a couple of weeks and he’ll be fine. Little kids, she said, take longer to get over sprains because they’re more hesitant to begin walking on them again, so the muscles stay tight and the healing is prolonged. And I (not being a doctor) believed her.

And now I am pissed.

For more than two weeks - two weeks! - my little boy has had a tiny little fracture on his tiny little leg. Oh, he’s been a trooper. He’s scooted on his bottom to the bathroom and mastered the art of standing on one leg while he pees (with admirable precision, I might add). He’s figured out how to drive his mini-car on the lanai with one leg, without going in circles, even. He’s continued to climb on the furniture, crawl all over the living room, even played in the pool and the bathtub. But as the days wore on and he wasn’t walking, I did what the first doctor instructed and encouraged him to start bearing weight on his foot. And, being a wonderful little boy, he tried.

I am so pissed.

As you can imagine, the doctor has already received one very chilly, interrogating phone call from me. I’m picking up a copy of my son’s medical records from her office tomorrow. I’m really damn tempted to leave her a copy of my old business card - with my home number on it instead of my former law firm’s - and mention that I’m en route to a friend of mine who practices med mal. It’d do me a world of good right now to see her squirm in pain for a couple of weeks.

Pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

John Kerry is officially off the fence again. He’s going to accept the Democratic nomination in Boston and, gee (he seems to say) aren’t we all just idiots for ever having thought he’d considered otherwise?

“Boston is the place where America’s freedom began, and it’s where I want the journey to the Democratic nomination to be completed,” Kerry said in a statement released by his campaign. “On Thursday, July 29, with great pride, I will accept my party’s nomination for president in the city of Boston. From there we will begin our journey to a new America.”

The statement ended six days of controversy over an idea that was supposed to remain secret for several more weeks.

Six days. Why, if we wait another week perhaps Kerry will change his mind and decide he didn’t want to run for President after all.

And for those of you who’ve been counting since the prior entry, the time now is 5:56 p.m. and the upgrade is done.

WordPress, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways!

I’m upgrading to WordPress 1.2 tonight. I don’t expect any freakiness, but you never know.

Meanwhile, for those who are still undecided whether to abandon MT yet, let’s synch our watches. The time now is 5:41 p.m. I’ll post again as soon as the upgrade’s complete.

Novelist E.L. Doctorow was shocked - shocked, he’ll tell ya! - by the behavior of Hofstra University students as he delivered their commencement address. Speaking to the crowd of new college grads and their families and friends, Doctrow blasted the administration’s tax cuts and Homeland Security before launching into his version of the “Bush lied” litany.

Then, just as Doctorow had shared his thoughts on the President’s politics with the students, they shared their thoughts on Doctrow’s politics with him: they booed until the author stopped speaking.

“I thought we were all supposed to speak out,” he told The Washington Post in Tuesday’s editions. “Isn’t that what this country is about?”

Well, here’s a news flash for you, E.L. Doctorow, and all of your Baby Boomer compatriots who bleat so vociferously about your rights: other people have them, too. You, sir, trampled on the right of those students to have a commencement ceremony which honored their achievements, their right to be addressed with words of wisdom to guide them as they step out into the “real world” beyond the ivory tower, their right for them to be the focus of the day, not you and your misguided political opinions.

And so, dear Mr. Doctorow, on this first day of the rest of your life, permit me to impart a word of (borrowed) wisdom to you: Welcome to Hard Times. Your career as a commencement speaker is over.

The Venomous Hubby is home from his TDY in the Pacific, safe and sound.

See you Wednesday!

If Iraqis would just stop trying to kill us, we could get out of Iraq. Or so says Slate’s George Saunders in today’s “Must Read.”

Whether you call it effective interrogation or prisoner abuse depends largely on whether you believe national security and protecting forces in the field is a sufficient justification for the use of physical and mental coercion.

Read the manuals at National Security Archive for yourself and decide.

I read Homer’s Iliad several times, and I’m always surprised to hear about people who’ve made it through college without having done the same. When I learned Brad Pitt was cast as the lead in Troy, I figured it was a good thing that his booty might draw in an audience which would otherwise never be exposed to the most remarkable war story ever written. Unfortunately, between the film’s 2 hour and 42-minute running time, R-rating and subject matter, it might just go over younger heads.

Not to worry: now they can get the Iliad on IM.

The first five books of the centuries-old tale, set in the final year of the Trojan War – which began when Trojan Paris snatched Helen (the face that launched a thousand ships) from Greece – are now available in the language people use when sending instant messages, Microsoft said on Monday.

Book Two is reduced to just 24 words of ‘messenger speak’, losing some of the lyricism of the original. “Agamemnon hd a dream: Troy not defended. Ordered attack! But Trojans knew they were coming n were prepared. Achilles sat sulking in his tent.”

The translation, designed to publicize Microsoft’s messenger product, is not written in Homer’s dactylic hexameters but it does use ‘emoticons’ – little faces or images – to emphasize intense moments.

I think it loses something in the translation. But maybe I’m just picky.

UPDATE: It’s not just Homer. Now, folks who are too busy or lazy to read can get caught up on The Shining and The Exorcist in 30-second Flash movies. So, ok, it’s bunnies and not Brad Pitt in the lead, but at least you’ll know the plot line. Sort of.

As part of their counter-terrorism efforts, the FBI has developed a new way to track individuals’ internet usage. But don’t let it spook you, the agency promises you won’t notice a thing.

Condi Rice as SecDef? Interesting thought!

Scratched my cornea this morning while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. It hurts like hell. Blogging will be light.

Wieners rule.

(Um…. Grammar, dear. Grammar. Punctuation. Capitalization. And, btw, ee cummings died broke. Still, wieners rule!)

FYI: The Watcher’s Council has a vacancy. If you’ve got an opinion and you want to influence what’s hot and what’s not, apply.

Next month my daughter turns 13. Thirteen. A teenager. Egad!

Since she’ll be celebrating it here in Hawai’i - away from her school-year friends - I want to make it extra-special and extremely memorable. So far, I’ve ordered personalized party decorations (she has an unusual name) and I’m inviting 6-8 adults I know, along with their 14+ kids and grandkids, for a day of fun, sun, beach and BBQ.

Anyone have any additional ideas about how I can make this a party for her to remember? Since we live in a fairly rural area, our plans need to focus on things I can cook, make or buy in advance (or order online) and activities for the kids. But keep it clean. This is my child we’re talking about!

Despite a state-sponsored dating agency and tax credits for new parents, Singapore is facing what could become a population crisis if recent trends don’t reverse. Their solution? Reality TV. No, really!

“Dr. Love’s Super Baby Making Show” will feature 10 couples from around the world - 9 foreign pairs and one from Singapore - competing to see who is the first to get positive results on a pregnancy test.

Isn’t there enough of this “reality” programming yet? Do you realize we’re at the point where a couple could feasibly live their entire lives through reality TV?

Picture this:

We first meet the woman - we’ll call her Jane - as a contestant on The Swan and the guy - Joe - as he gets made over on Queer Eye. Now gorgeous, Jane goes on The Bachelorette where Joe - groomed by the Fab 5 - is the hands-down winner. The lucky couple becomes quickly - and publicly - engaged, but now there’s Jane’s family to contend with through a seaons’ appearance on My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. (Joe agrees to bulk up for the season knowing he’ll take off the extra weight under the guidance of Richard Simmons, who’s trying to float a pilot for his own reality TV show: “Flab to Fab".)

It takes a bit of effort, but soon Jane’s clan is welcoming Joe into the fold by blessing their engagement. After making the rounds of People Magazine and the like, Jane signs up for Buff Brides, hoping that after her transformation and honeymoon she might be able to land a spot on America’s Next Top Model. Meanwhile, since the networks turned down Richard Simmons’ pilot because nobody could stand watching the hyper redhead past the first commercial break, Joe signs up for Boot Camp, but after getting voted off he settles for hanging out with The Osbournes until Jane’s show wraps up production.

Next, it’s A Wedding Story and not long afterwards their appearance on Dr. Love’s Super Baby Making Show followed 9 months later by their televised Baby Story.

A few years on, Jane and Joe are starting to realize that life isn’t all about free prizes and press conferences, and the pair winds up in front of Dr. Phil for some relationship help. His advice? Jane needs to learn to give even more attention to Joe, while Joe needs to be more of a sensitive man. (Joe, having blew his cool with Dr. Phil backstage, makes a brief appearance on Crime and Punishment in connection with a simple assault and battery charge.)

Six months later - after Joe has completed his community service - Jane is still carrying an extra 30 postpartum pounds and has a furrowed brow from nights spent yelling at Joe to stop drooling over Paris Hilton on The Simple Life. Jane’s boobs are sagging, and since the networks don’t provide a lifetime live-in maid, cook, makeup artist, personal trainer and stylist unless she’s under contract, she’s looking haggard and bitter. She can’t afford to dress in designer duds anymore and her self-esteem has plummeted as low as her latest show’s ratings. Time for an appearance on Extreme Makeover! (This time, the producers are going with a full D-cup in place of Jane’s previous C’s. They’re convinced it’ll help draw more viewers. Jane’s convinced it’ll help draw Joe’s attention back to her.)

Meanwhile, Joe has learned that Fox has canned Forever Eden, his last hope for a fling with a really hot chick after Temptation Island got axed. To make matters worse, now that he’s married with children, he’s ineligible to be on Anything for Love. What’s a guy to do?

Never fear, loyal viewers, for Joe has always been a precocious sort and now is no exception. He’s having a premature midlife crisis, he realizes, and what better way is there to get through one but to head off for the casting calls? Rejected for Branson’s Big Adventure as too blase, by Dance Fever for being uncoordinated, and by Are You Hot because, with a beer belly, he’s definitely not, Joe is now in a serious funk. He seeks solace in the arms of a large-breasted blond, utterly oblivious to the fact that TV cameras are rolling. Three episodes later, with Jane none the wiser, he pledges to find a way to rekindle their romance.

For a while everything looks grand. So grand that they appear with Jane’s relatives on The Family in the hopes of winning a fortune (while once again having a full-time domestic staff). Alas, Jane - trying to unwind with a little channel surfing one night - turns on E! and sees Joe in the arms of that bimbo Anna Nicole. Heartbroken, she tells all to Oprah who convinces her it’s time for The Last Resort. Jane breaks the news by issuing Joe an ultimatum during their guest appearance on Change of Heart. “Your ratings with me suck. Make me feel special,” she tells him, “or I’ll cancel this marriage and find a new sponsor.”

Off they go to Paradise Hotel to rekindle their romance. No such luck. Whenever Jane isn’t with her stylist or manicurist, she still can’t get Joe’s attention. He’s rivited by a striking brunette who keep strolling in a string bikini. (Jane, meanwhile, overheard a pair of producers in the lobby and knows the brunette has recently been cast in a another show in which the fact that the brunette is a man in drag doesn’t get revealed until the end.)

Tired of feeling like her marriage is one long, stale rerun, Jane signs on for Starting Over. Three months later, she and Joe sever their ties on Divorce Court, where Jane wins custody of the kids, the house, the car, the dog and the cat. Joe gets the bills. (No wonder, then, that within the year Jane is asking Judge Judy for a restraining order against Joe.)

Jane, sick of the celebrity, decides to opt for a quieter life as a TV producer at Fox, where her job is to think up new reality programming. There she meets the man of her dreams - Neil Cavuto - and agrees to his demand that she become a stay-at-home mom.

Meanwhile, utterly disillusioned by “reality", Joe wagers the last of his savings at The Casino and wins. Determined to come out of this as a survivor (but not that kind), he appears as the male lead on For Love or Money and narrows his choices down to the final contestant - Jilly - who we learn in the show’s dramatic season finale thought it was all about the cash.

As Jill makes the round of Larry King Live - debating hotly with Darva Conger, the flash-in-the-pan finalist on “Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire” about the merits of loveless marriage - Joe consoles himself by reuniting with eight of his old girlfriends on Little Black Book. None of them want him, either.

But all is not lost. Joe still has one more ratings draw in his future. He offs himself in a dramatic, scripted scene set against a gorgeous backdrop in the tropics. Unfortunately for him, the networks refuse to broadcast his posthumous masterpiece despite the film’s high-quality, citing “bad taste", fear of reprisals from the NRA over Joe’s use of a rifle in his big death scene, and their new dedication to “higher viewing standards".

Stay tuned, though. What with reruns and the magic of syndication, there’s talk about starting a new cable channel: JoeTV. It’s premier program? Well, let’s just say that Joe’s lawyer found a nice little Swiss bank account, some offshore investments and a brilliantly devised Will which - if they can locate twelve hot-looking, ambitious and clever contestants to live on a remote, deserted island - should provide riveting entertainment as they try bumping each other off to become The Heir Apparent in a winner-takes-all show where the prize is Joe’s millions and a chance to become a Reality TV celebrity just like him and Jane.

Say farewell to the LOTD and Snark Hunt.

If you’re interested in hosting either of these memes at your blog, let me know. I’d be happy to set up - and advertise - a traveling schedule. But, for now at least, my life and publishing schedules no longer permit me to be the primary host for either.

Electric, but no Venom:

TEGUCIGALPA, Honduras (AP) A boa constrictor triggered a 15-minute nationwide blackout when it slithered into a generator at a major hydroelectric plant, officials said Wednesday.

The boa was electrocuted Tuesday after entering El Cajon, a plant that supplies 60 percent of Honduras’ electricity.

“The snake was responsible for leaving the country in darkness,” said Rosario Castillo, president of the National Electric Energy Company.

Maybe so.

Doctors claim to have uncovered new evidence that the tiny particles known as “nannobacteria” are indeed alive and may cause a range of human illnesses.

The existence of nannobacteria is one of the most controversial of scientific questions - some experts claim they are simply too small to be life forms.

But US scientists report they have now isolated these cell-like structures in tissue from diseased human arteries.

Although lacking a unique DNA sequence, nannobacteria particles were nevertheless recognized by staining tests seeking DNA and RNA, which some scientists believe indicates the particles can synthesize nucleic acids.

Today’s “Must Visit” site: Michael Moore Hates America.

I suppose this is as good a way as any for Kerry to ensure some free campaign publicity.

As everyone knows, houseguests - like fish - stink after a few days, but it’s wise to remember that the gas oven only works well with the latter as one Californian woman recently learned.

A family friend introduced the 51-year-old woman to Kevin Frye and Andrew King and she agreed to let them spend the night, investigators said. But the men overstayed their welcome – refusing to leave for six weeks as they allegedly sold drugs from her apartment.

The woman finally opened her oven’s natural gas line in hopes of driving them away. But even an apartment filled with gas wasn’t enough to force out Frye and King.

The woman called the Fire Department Monday morning, saying she was overcome by the fumes. She was so sick she had to be taken to the hospital, paramedics said.

There was no explosion and no one was seriously hurt.

Lucky for her, the police arrested Frye and King for selling cocaine from the woman’s apartment and front yard. Even so, don’t try this at home, kids.

Slate Magazine has launched a Kerryisms watch designed to translate those waffling, self-promotional and utterly convictionless statements the Democratic candidate is known for. Not that they make much more sense after translation, mind you.

Meanwhile, check out the new ads at CrushKerry.com.

Seven years after France adopted the 35-hour work week to combat unemployment, jobless rates are still high, the French economy still sucks and the number of citizens receiving social subsidies has increased.

The solution? Why, it’s typically French: those who want to keep working 35-hour weeks can, and those who want to work more hours can, too.

Yeah, that’ll give people the incentive to get off the public dole.

How would you like to see your reflection in a mirror based on your physical activity and food choices for the day? Known as a “persuasive mirror,” that’s just one of the tech tweaks designers are incorporating into the “smart homes” of the future.

But now for the really important question: do I still get 7 years of bad luck for smashing one of those mirrors to pieces?

“Honor killings” continue to make the news on a regular basis as the West becomes more aware - and intolerant - of the horrifying custom. Countries like Turkey, looking to join the EU, are overhauling their criminal codes to combat these tragic deaths.

Four years ago, a sustained campaign by Women For Women’s Rights led to the overhaul of Turkey’s civil code.

“It is now completely equal for men and women,” (Mujde) Bilgutay ( co-ordinator of the penal-code reform campaign for 26 non-governmental organizations) says.

Two years ago, she and others began studying the penal code. Article by article, they identified areas prejudicial to women, checked them against European law and proposed the amendments now before the justice subcommittee.

Partly as a result of the process, the government last year abolished Article 462, which had given judges discretion to reduce a murder sentence in honour killings by as much as 80 per cent.

But other articles still allow such killers to get off lightly, Bilgutay says.

“The ‘unjust provocation’ article is one. It says that if you suddenly do something bad to me and I react with rage and kill you, I get a reduced sentence because you were unjustly provoking me.

“In honour killings, men are getting reduced sentences by arguing, ‘I saw my daughter with a boy in front of the cinema, so I was really shocked and provoked, and I killed her.’ In fact, most honour killings are premeditated.”

Another article grants light sentences to young offenders, thus motivating families to assign the murder to a teenager or boy.

Even so, “honor killings” are believed to be on the rise in Turkey as rural Kurds immigrate to the cities where their daughters, previously sheltered from objectionable lifestyles, are now exposed to situations which their parents believe justify their deaths. As recently as May 1, a 14-year-old girl was buried after her father strangled her with a wire, his idea of expiating the “dishonor” brought to his family when his daughter was kidnapped and raped. (The girl’s father, brother and uncle - who committed the murder at the behest of a family council - have been charged with her death and were released pending their trial.)

The increase in honor killings isn’t limited to the Middle East. In Rochester, New York last month, a Turkish immigrant was charged with killing his wife and fracturing the skulls of his 4- and 22-year-old daughters in an “honor killing” after learning that his own brother had molested his wife and oldest child. He has pled not guilty, explaining to investigators that it was an “honor killing.”

Slow as it is, progress is still occuring. Pakistan’s President Musharraf has called for a ban on honor killings, despite the practice being outlawed already. Hundreds of such murders are believed to occur in Pakistan each year.

But the tide may be turning, as not only the Pakistani ban but similar legislation in Jordan seems to indicate. Much of it is due to women who are willing to speak out and demand an end to this ancient form of victimization. Recently, a woman known only as Souad published what is believed to be the first book by a survivor of a failed honor killing. The book, Burned Alive: A Victim of the Law of Men, is receiving worldwide attention from human rights groups due to its powerful look into a practice so poorly documented in the press.

Certainly when it comes to the subject of honor killings, there is no such thing as ignorance being bliss - for the victims, or for the rest of us.

Although it was published three weeks ago, today’s “Must Read” - if you haven’t read it already - is “The Psychoanalytic Roots of Islamic Terrorism”. It really is all about sex.

No sex. No nudity. No Kama Sutra-esque contortions in body stockings in a steamy shower scene. So why call it “The Joys of Sex: The Musical”?

I want one:

A German inventor who developed a gadget that berates men if they try to use the toilet standing up has sold more than 1.6 million devices, his business manager says.

German women fed up with a man with a poor aim can turn to the ghost-shaped gadget, which lurks under the toilet rim and, if the seat is lifted, declares in a stern female tone:

“Hello, what are you up to then? Put the seat back down right away, you are definitely not to pee standing up … you will make a right mess…”

I wonder if they make a model that reminds folks to flush when they’re done?

“Something wonderful, something marvelous is happening on June 8th and will be witnessed and experienced by millions of people all over the world,” Gordon Bromage, a professor of astronomy at England’s University of Central Lancashire, told a news conference on Tuesday.

No, it’s not about my birthday, although I think it’s a wonderful coincidence. It’s about Venus crossing in front of the sun, a phenomenon that won’t happen again for another 122 years.

Even if you ordinarily despise Flash animation, you’re going to love Max Weber’s Pit. Move your mouse, click all over, and prepare for at least 10 minutes of laughs.

(Via Madville)

Ew. Just ewwww.

Robin Jones thinks France is on its way to becoming another Arab country.

Perhaps it’s good that some people don’t have kids.

What to get for the guy who has it all: a chain mail condom. Better hurry - the auction ends in 2 days!

El Cid has a nice piece on the state of the Pentagon under Rumsfeld’s command.

I am not in Rotterdamn, nobody saw me, and you can’t prove a thing.

Now here’s a use for Vaseline I’d never considered:

A man is accused of applying Vaseline petroleum jelly to every surface in his room at a Motel 6 near Binghamton, New York. After Roger Chamberlain checked out last week, the cleaning crew discovered mattresses and bedding were slathered with the slippery stuff. Vaseline covered the TV set, furniture, carpeting and towels and everything else in the room.

Police found 14 empty Vaseline containers and numerous pornographic magazines in the room’s trash can. Damage to the motel room and its contents was estimated at over $1,000.

A sheriff’s deputy found the Virginia man a short time later at another motel. The deputy said the man was “smeared from head to foot with Vaseline.”

Chamberlain was sent to jail after being charged with felony criminal mischief.

The motel manager says the room still can’t be used.

See what happens when there’s nothing good on cable?

The one morning I forget to set my alarm so I can get up and check the news before my son wakes, and they finally find the WMDs?!

UPDATE: Eh. One shell does not a weapons cache make. But thanks to Venomite Randall for sending me the link.

Like half of America, I’ve been low-carbing it. Nothing rigid - I’ve simply simply eliminated sugar and white flour from my diet, and I’m trying to keep my carb intake at 40 grams a day or less. (And, no, I don’t buy that whole “net carb” thing.) Unfortunately, I have an occasional sweet tooth which must be appeased every 28 days or so.

So 7-Eleven’s new Diet Pepsi Slurpee makes me happy. Happy, happy, happy.

Unfortunately, I no longer have a good excuse for going psychotic when PMS strikes. Damn.

My birthday - which is on June 8 - is in 3 weeks, 4 days. My daughter comes for the summer just two days before that. Kelley is flying out with her, to provide a grown up as an escort. Which means that Kelley will be here for my birthday.

How cool is that?!?

And, yes, we’ll post more pictures this time.

Wheeeeeee!

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t write off-the-cuff about my feelings. I learned my lesson about that very thing 9 months ago after writing a soul-baring entry only to watch as a blogging “friend” twisted it to fit her agenda by trying to disparage me, ultimately for having surpassed her in some meanlingless ranking system. But, now that she’s a distant memory (and, I might add, karma’s a bitch, woman), I’m feeling less self-conscious in my writing.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that I’ve been doing a lot more original content lately.

But maybe what you didn’t notice is what I call “Schizoblogophrenia,” which I define as the difference between what people say they want from a blog and what they reward. In the blogosphere, “reward” is synonymous with link. You like, then link. That’s the name of the game, sweets.

Or, at least, that’s a fair assumption. For instance: when I was running the fun but time-intensive Letter of the Day, I was consistently in the Top 50 of the Blogosphere Ecosystem. I chalked that up to the give-and-take of good blogging. I was an extra-blogger, doling out daily linkage to blogs I enjoy but, most of all, bloggers who had recently linked me. On top of that, my more frivolous stuff - things you’ll find under the “Time Killing Bites", “Odd Bites” and “Sex Bites” categories - generated hits. Because I read a huge number of news feeds daily (last count: 349), because I found funny, humorous, odd or mindless things other bloggers might not otherwise have discovered, because I didn’t make you click through to read the stuff but posted the bulk of the entry here in a blockquote, it generated links.

One day, about 6 months ago, I ran a poll which asked: “Why do you read Electric Venom?” The options boiled down to: (1) for the original content; (2) to find things I might not see elsewhere; (3) because I think Kate is Glenn Reynolds in drag. The results: 92% were here for the original stuff. The rest was fairly equally divided. (Sorry, Glenn.)

Well, here we are. I’ve been doing original stuff. Not just any stuff, mind you. Good stuff, like blog entries that go back to my roots as a warblogger. Heavy political analysis, too. I know it’s good. Not that I want to sound immodest, but I know the effort I’ve put into researching it, and I usually know when I’m “on my game” in terms of writing. Lately, I’ve been on it. Lately, I’ve also watched EV descend from the Top 50 to the mid-60s. And I’ve smirked.

Yes, smirked.

Why? Because I know better than to trust polls. I know that bloggers say they want original content, but that’s not what they link. Not if you’re not in the Top 20 (and then, not because you necessarily think it’s brilliant, but because you want the Big Dogs to notice you).

Schizoblogophrenia. It’s amusing.

As for me, I’m likely to continue this original stuff because it’s nice feeling free to speak my mind again. I happen to think that with my peculiar background of being a woman with dual undergraduate degrees in journalism and PoliSci (presidential campaign management being my particular area of study), along with a career background encompassing communications, government work and a successful law practice, I have a good reason to focus on warblogging and poliblogging like I do. I love being one of the female bloggers opening doors for other women to break into these areas (although Michele drove a bulldozer through those doors long before I was a blip on anyone’s screen and Meryl will get her panties in a wad if I don’t point out that she did, too.). Still, I was - for a while, at least - frightened away from pursuing the areas I love by bloggers who felt I wasn’t “really” blogging if I wasn’t pouring my guts out onto their screens on a daily basis. Confession-blogging, in other words.

So here it is - the newsflash - appparently that’s not what you want.

Think I’m grandstanding? Fine. Prove me wrong. Go out and find a blogger writing original content on a regular basis and link things they’ve written. (And, please, check out each of those words. You just might find some awesome new blogs if you do.) If what you truly want is original work, then recognize it.

Otherwise, you’re just schizoblogophreniacs and, as they say, the first step in recovery is admitting it.

Prompted by Jim’s response to my earlier post on Berg being in US custody, Ilyka and I have been engaged in a discussion in the comment section concerning one of the main inconsistencies in the video purporting to show Berg’s death. Specifically, the absence of blood. While some may think it gruesome - or even disrespectful to Nick Berg’s memory - to ponder these things, I disagree.

As I noted in the comments on that entry, my lawyer mind has a tendency to obsess over inconsistencies. In this case, I am extremely puzzled by al-Qaeda’s apparent efforts to appear as if they were murdering Berg on film when clearly they were not. According to the video’s time stamp 11 hours passed between the time the terrorists read their statement - at the conclusion of which Berg is heard screaming - and the time the video shows Berg’s beheading. Additionally, the fact that Berg did not scream again while they brutally cut his throat, and the absence of significant additional blood, is proof enough that he was already dead.

I do not intend that to mean that I’m disappointed in the amount of blood shed. How ghoulish and sick. On the contrary, I hope Nick Berg had a swift death and is now at peace. I am simply trying to understand why he died. Oh, I’m aware of the inane conjectures about his “ties to al-Qaeda", etc. But if we are to honor Nick Berg properly, I suggest that the best way to do it is to understand why he was killed.*

That al-Qaeda used Nick Berg as a tool and a sacrifice to “send a message” to the U.S. is beyond dispute.** What I cannot comprehend is why they would try to pass of the video as the “slaughtering of an American” when, the evidence shows, he could not have been alive when he was beheaded.

Why is that important to me? I don’t know. Perhaps it’s the fact that al-Qaeda, by all appearances, now consists of two factions that are at war with each other while simultaneously warring against the West: Osama bin Laden’s and al-Zarqawi’s. We, as a nation, have previously been focused on bin Laden as the primary power behind al-Qaeda and have directed our efforts toward locating and eliminating him. In fact, Colin Powell had once described al-Zarqawi as an “associate and collaborator” of bin Laden’s. Yet it was al-Zarqawi who committed the murder, as voice analysis has confirmed. In doing so, he read a statement denouncing Islamic scholars - the precise image that Osama bin Laden has studiously cultivated for himself.

Why?

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m convinced that the Berg video was not ultimately intended to be a message to the U.S about the Abu Ghirab prisoner abuse. Had that been the goal there were other, more dramatic ways to have made the point: by capturing groups of Americans and subjecting them to similar torture, for instance, which would’ve prompted the U.S. military to attempt a rescue operation and undoubtedly led to further loss of American lives.

No, I’m convinced that al-Zarqawi’s real message was directed toward Osama bin Laden’s faction of al-Qaeda and, more pointedly, toward the current and potential terrorist recruits who believe bin Laden is now powerless to strike against the West. In other words, it was a power play - an attempt by al-Zarqawi to separate himself and his faction from the impotent “Islamic scholars” like bin Laden. It was al-Zarqawi’s “spectacular” - different from bin Laden’s in that only one death ensued, but just as powerful in its psychic blow.

In that context, the fact that Nick Berg was already dead at the time of his beheading was actually part of the message and thus no effort was made to cover up the fact. Consider:

3. Prisoners of war should not be slain: “No prisoner should be put to the sword” - a very clear and unequivocal instruction given by the Prophet.

4. No-one should be tied to be killed: “The Prophet has prohibited the killing of anyone who is tied or is in captivity."[…]

7. Sanctity of a dead body: Islam has categorically prohibited its followers from mutilating the corpses of their enemies, as was practised in Arabia before the advent of Islam. It is said in the Hadith: “The Prophet has prohibited us from mutilating the corpses of the enemies” (Bukhari, AbuDawood). The occasion on which this order was given is highly instructive. In the battle of Uhud the disbelievers mutilated the bodies of the Muslims who had fallen on the battlefield by cutting off their ears and noses and threading them together to put round their necks as trophies of war. The stomach of Hamza, the uncle of the Prophet, was ripped open by the Quraysh and his liver was taken out and chewed by Hinda, the wife of AbuSufyan, the leader of the Makkan army. The Muslims were naturally enraged by this horrible sight. But the Prophet asked his followers not to mete out similar treatment to the dead bodies of the enemies.

Thus, the point was not so much to portray the death of an American but, rather, the desecration of a body. In other words, the video intentionally showed the desecration of Nick Berg’s body, the defiling of his corpse serving as an expression of contempt for him as a proxy for all Americans, and contempt for the way bin Laden tries to portray himself as aligned with ancient authorities on Islam.

To put it another way, the video was yet another tool al-Zarqawi is using to create sectarian conflict between Muslims, the goal he declared in what is now called the “al-Zarqawi letter.”

Ultimately, I believe the purpose of the video - and al-Zarqawi’s rhetoric in the Berg video seems to confirm this - was to show that he has set himself against not only America and the Shi’a, but againt Osama bin Laden’s interpretation of their mutual jihad, as well. The video, then, delivers not only a message to the West, but also to bin Laden, and serves as a rallying call to all of the extremists who believe - like most of the US intelligence community - that bin Laden no longer has the power to advance their cause.

* As much as my heart goes out to Mr. Berg’s family in this time of grief and loss, I am unwilling to share their attitude that Nick Berg was murdered in connection with any acts or omissions by Bush or Rumsfeld.

** I’m not even going to entertain the baseless argument that the CIA, and not al-Qaeda, was behind this video. Don’t bother littering my comment section with such notions, either.

Michigan residents, clear your calendar for May 21 or 22. That’s when Chris’s Who-tribute band, the OHM, performs “Tommy” to benefit St. Dunstan’s Audio Equipment Fund.

I’m exhausted. My back is killing me. I’m working on a migraine. So… the Snark Hunt will be posted tomorrow, which means there’s still time to get your links in.

How to guarantee you’ll be removed from the jury? Threaten to kill yourself if they remove you.

As you know, Nick Berg’s family claims that he was in US custody and deprived of due process. Had he not been detained, his family alleges, he would have been out of Iraq and alive today.

U.S. military and DoD officials have disputed this allegation and say that Berg was in custody of the Iraqi CPA. But the Berg family has proof.

To back its claims that Berg was in U.S. custody, the family gave The Associated Press copies of e-mails from Beth A. Payne, the U.S. consular officer in Iraq.

“I have confirmed that your son, Nick, is being detained by the U.S. military in Mosul. He is safe. He was picked up approximately one week ago. We will try to obtain additional information regarding his detention and a contact person you can communicate with directly,” Payne wrote to Berg’s father, Michael, on April 1.

Payne repeated that Berg was “being detained by the U.S. military” in an e-mail the same day to Berg’s mother, Suzanne. The next day, Payne wrote that she was still trying to find a local contact for the family, but added that “given the security situation in Iraq it is not easy.”

State Department spokeswoman Kelly Shannon said Payne’s information came from the Coalition Provisional Authority. The authority did not tell Payne until April 7 that Berg had been held by Iraqi police and not the U.S. military.

“As Mr. Berg had been released, the consular officer did not convey this information to the family because he was released, thankfully,” Shannon said. “And we thought he was on his way.”

Meanwhile, it appears that Nick Berg had been the focus of an FBI investigation into al-Qaeda activities, specifically: an apparent but unclear connection between Berg and Zaccarias Moussaoui.

U.S. officials say the FBI questioned Berg in 2002 after a computer password Berg used in college turned up in the possession of Zaccarias Moussaoui, the al Qaeda operative arrested shortly before 9/11 for his suspicious activity at a flight school in Minnesota.

The bureau had already dismissed the connection between Berg and Moussaoui as nothing more than a college student who had been careless about protecting his password.

But in the wake of Berg’s gruesome murder, it becomes a stranger than fiction coincidence – an American who inadvertently gave away his computer password to one notorious al Qaeda operative is later murdered by another notorious al Qaeda operative.

UPDATE: Several questions are being raised concerning the video. Such as: Why was Berg wearing an orange jumpsuit like US prisoners wear? Why so little blood when a slashed throat would ordinarily cause torrents? Why were the major US media outlets able to download the video from the original site when al-Jazeera could not locate it? And why was Berg arrested in the first place? It’s worth noting, however, that it’s al-Jazeera raising the questions, making some folks wonder if the backlash against al-Qaeda over the brutal murder is so great that the organization is now trying to shift the blame. (Link via InstaPundit.)

UPDATE: Curiouser and curiouser. Berg told friends he was arrested because he had an Israeli stamp in his passport - something which seasoned travelers in Arab countries avoid - and yet had anti-Semitic literature in his possession on arrest. He also planned to leave via Turkey and implied to a friend that he had transportation arranged for his stay there. Strange, for someone who, unlike most Westerners in Iraq, travelled without an interpreter or driver in that country.

Not all the news sucks. Strengthen the Good.

Apparently, I’m not the only one seeing an unprecedented surge in traffic from folks searching for the video of Nick Berg’s beheading. Sick. Sick. Sick.

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that someone is filing a lawsuit on behalf of the abused Iraqi soldiers. I just didn’t expect it would be filed by Saddam himself.

Veteran French lawyer Jacques Verges will today file a war crimes suit against Britain at the International Criminal Court in The Hague.

Mr Verges, who says he has been asked to act for former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, said the suit would be on behalf of “the families of prisoners of the coalition in which Britain participates".

“The reality of torture and systematic abuses of the dignity of Iraqi prisoners, sometimes followed by murders, both by US and British troops is no longer in question,” the text of the complaint reads.

Seen at Outside the Beltway (who saw it at On the Third Hand).

Here’s a happy little story to put a smile in your day: J-1 the Pacific octopus is in love.

Love almost passed J-1 by. At 5 years of age and 52 pounds, he’s reaching the end of the line for his species, the largest octopus in the world. J-1 is in a period of decline that occurs before an octopus dies. His skin is eroding. His suckers have divots.

“He’s not as strong as he used to be,” said aquarist Deanna Trobaugh.

With so little time left, J-1, who was collected on a beach near Seldovia in 1999 when he was about the size of a quarter, wasn’t going to let the sweet Aurora slip through his eight arms.

Aurora sank to the bottom when aquarium staff put her into J-1’s 3,600-gallon exhibit tank and promptly made the first move, reaching out to touch J-1 before retreating to her corner. But J-1 was soon in hot pursuit.

“They both were gripping the back wall of the tank. He just about covered her completely,” Hocking said.

The two remained intertwined for about eight hours.

How sweet!

Calamari anyone?

Lynndie England and her attorney now claim she was just posing in the pictures - not abusing Iraqi prisoners - and she only did it because she was ordered to.

“You don’t see my client doing anything abusive at all,” one of England’s attorneys, Giorgio Ra’Shadd, said after meeting with England at Fort Bragg. “I think she was ordered to smile.”

England told KCNC-TV in Denver her superiors gave her specific instructions on how to pose for the photos. Asked who gave the orders, she would say only, “Persons in my chain of command.”

And just who is it that issued the orders? Well, England will only say “persons in my chain of command.” But her lawyer is more explicit. His response: “She was pulled into the photographs by CIA and other intelligence agents who subverted the military chain of command.”

So which is it - she was ordered to do so by persons in her military chain of command, or she acted on her own volition to go along with acts suggested by others which she wasn’t obligated in any way to do, or she’s a heartless sadist who humiliated and degraded human beings just because she could? Either way, even an Army Private knows they don’t have to follow illegal orders and a human being knows that, orders or not, there are just some things you do not do.

Lynndie England is a liar. It’s just a shame they don’t use hoods and leashes in Leavenworth.

Think running an inn sounds fun - 0r maybe you’ve always wanted to try your hand at training horses or making wine - but you don’t want to risk your job, you income and your spouse’s patience? Then take a “Vocation Vacation”, and find out if your dream job is just that, or a nightmare in ways you never knew.

Personally, I think it sounds like a blast but I’ve already had - and quit - my dream job. From 1988 to 1992, I was a disc jockey at various radio stations in Seattle and then Kansas City. I loved everything about it, except for the hours. (My daughter was 1 when I quit radio.)

How about you? What’s your dream job and what do you do now?

Better get those up-skirt photos taken with your picture phone while you can. They’re about to become illegal.

Get your Snark Hunt submissions in to me before tomorrow afteroon. I’ll be posting the Hunt Thursday evening.

It’s official. Get bit.

Evidently, we’re all drinking coffee the wrong way. Rather than chugging it in the morning (and well into the afternoon, in my case), we’re supposed to drink a little bit every hour.

Though many studies have measured caffeine’s sleep-averting effects, most do not take into account that sleep is governed by two processes.

The circadian system is driven by hormones that vary in a cyclical fashion, while the homeostatic system builds the appetite for sleep the longer one is awake. As it turns out, they oppose one another.

Caffeine is thought to block the homeostatic drive for sleep. So it should be most effective if caffeine levels are built up to counteract the progressive drive of the system.

Makes sense, on the surface at least. Then again, my own experience tells me not to believe the scientists. Since the birth of my first child I’ve yet to finish an entire cup of hot coffee within an hour but somehow manage to work through a pot by dinner and yet I’m still tired all the time.

David Reimer is dead.

Maybe you’ve never heard of David, and that’s a shame. Or, perhaps you’ve heard of him but don’t recognize his case because he is more commonly known as the subject of the “John/Joan Case.” His life was one horrible tragedy after another, a living lesson to those who believe humanity is shaped more by nurture than nature, a damning testament against avaricious doctors who meddle with lives in pursuit of proving their theories.

David wasn’t Reimer’s name originally. He was actually christened Brian and had an identical twin brother. But when David was 8 months old and his parents took him to a doctor to be circumcised, he was horribly disfigured by a slip of the cautering tool. Without a penis, David’s parents sought for answers on the best way to help their son past this tragedy.

Their “answer” came in the form of doctor John Money, an ironic name if there ever was one. Money was an “expert” in treating people with what he has called “gender disorders” - those born with ambiguous gender identities, intersexes, hermaphrodites, and others. Money - who believed that gender was more a product of nurture than anything else - recommended that David’s parents have him clinically castrated and given hormone treatments.

Thus, David - born Brian - became Brenda.

Following Money’s instructions, David/Brenda’s parents never shared the truth with their child about the accident and their decision. Brenda wore dresses: pretty, lacy ones sewn by her mother.

“She was ripping at it, trying to tear it off. I remember thinking, ‘Oh, my God, she knows she’s a boy and she doesn’t want girls’ clothing. She doesn’t want to be a girl.’ But then I thought, ‘Well, maybe I can teach her to want to be a girl. Maybe I can train her so that she wants to be a girl.’ “

As preschoolers, Brenda and her twin brother watched their father shaving. Her brother was allowed to try it. She was not. Instead, her mother put makeup on her, again trying to teach her to be a girl. That was all Brenda’s parents were told they could do for their child by Money, who wanted to observe the gender-identification differences between Brenda and her twin brother.

Her brother recalled that despite the dresses and frills, Brenda never acted like a girl no matter how hard her family tried.

“She’d get a skipping rope for a gift, and the only thing we’d use that for was to tie people up, whip people with it. Never used it for what it was bought for. She played with my toys: Tinkertoys, dump trucks. Toys like this sewing machine she got just sat.”

Her parents tried thinking of her as a tomboy. Her brother thought she was pretty cool for a girl. But inside, Brenda clearly didn’t know what to think of herself. So Money tried “helping” once again by trying to program Brenda and her brother to fully comprehend their gender differences.

One of his theories of how children form their different “gender schemes” - Money’s term - was that they must understand, at an early age, the differences between male and female sex organs. Pornography, he believed, was ideal for this purpose. “Explicit sexual pictures,” he wrote in his book Sexual Signatures, “can and should be used as part of a child’s sex education"; such pictures, he said, “reinforce his or her own gender identity/role."[…]

The children were particularly resistant to Money’s request that they remove their clothes and inspect each other’s genitals. Though they could not know this, such inspections were central to Money’s theory of how children develop a sense of themselves as boy or girl - and thus, in Money’s mind, were crucial to the successful outcome of Joan’s sex reassignment. As Money stressed in his writings of the period: “The firmest possible foundations for gender schemes are the differences between male and female genitals and reproductive behavior, a foundation our culture strives mightily to withhold from children. All young primates explore their own and each others’ genitals . . . and that includes human children everywhere…. The only thing wrong about these activities is not to enjoy them.”

But the children did not enjoy these enforced activities, which they were instructed to perform sometimes in front of Dr. Money, sometimes with as many as five or six of his colleagues in attendance. But to resist Money’s requests was to provoke his ire.

By the time Brenda turned 14, her endocrine system was in conflict with the hormone pills she’d been taking. Despite an outwardly female appearance, her mannerisms, voice and personality were decidedly male. If there was one thing in her life which was wholly normal, it was her rebellious attitude. So Brenda simply decided to stop taking the pills, stop wearing the dresses, and stop playing the gender game. She began peeing while standing up, refused to get the vaginal surgery that Money tried coercing her into, and finally - finally - found the courage to tell one of her treating physicians that she did not want to live as a girl. Not then, not ever.

It was a confrontation that would have greater consequences than Brenda could have ever envisioned, for it was her defiance which led to her parents telling her the truth about her birth gender, the accident, and the real reasons why she was so confused. After her father finished telling her the tale of her tragic life, Brenda’s only question was “What was my name?”

It was not long before she decided to undergo a sex-change operation, transforming herself back into the boy she’d been born to be and adopting the name David. After the operation, which was completed a month before his 16th birthday, David Reimer became an extremely attractive young man who was suddenly popular with girls - something he’d never experienced in his life as one of them. But his original penis reconstruction did not create an organ which functioned or looked like the one David had lost as an infant, and so he remain withdrawn and afraid.

By the time he was 21, David had undergone a second phalloplasty. This one was far more successful, and within two years he was capable of having normal intercourse. His twin brother - who had since married - eventually introduced him to a girl with whom David fell in love. A year later they were married. His wife describes him as having fallen in love with her “true heart.” He became step-father to her three children.

She liked John?s old-fashioned gallantry. “He still sends me flowers and writes me notes,” she says. “How many people have that after nine years together?”

Then, two years ago, Reimer’s twin brother committed suicide. David visited his brother’s grave daily, caring for the flower arrangements there. Then his wife left, taking the children with her. David sank into depression and, on May 4, he committed suicide.

His life was marked by tragedy, it’s true. But it was also marked by a profound ability to continue living, as his mother acknowledged at his funeral on Sunday.

“He was a hero,” she whispered to a reporter. “He showed the doctors, he was a worldwide hero.”

That he was. Rest in peace, David.

Today, Jordanian officials released man who killed his sister in a “fit of fury” because she became pregnant while unmarried. She was two to three months pregnant when she died.

The 39-year-old man identified as Ahmad S strangled his sister in October 2003 to “cleanse the family honour” when he learned that she was pregnant, the newspaper said, quoting court documents.

He handed himself to police and was held until he came up for trial this week, when the criminal court on Tuesday decided to drop charges of premeditated murder laid by the state prosecutor.

The court found him guilty instead of committing a “misdemeanour” in line with Article 98 of the penal code because he claimed he “killed his sister in a fit of rage", the newspaper said.

No doubt, it also helped that his father decided to drop charges against his son for the murder.

Repent, for the internet is near!

They say bad things happen in threes. The way my week is going, I’m sorely tempted to hope that’s true.

Two days ago, my cat Remy ran away. Considering the busy highway behind our house, I’d assumed the worst and decided that if he wasn’t home by tomorrow I’d put away his litter box, food bowl and toys. We found him just an hour ago under the lanai where he’d obviously been for a while. His leg looks broken, and he’s pretty banged up but, surprisingly, he purred as I carried him into the house. Hubby’s driving Remy to the animal hospital right now, and I’m hoping to bring him home in the morning.

I would’ve taken the cat to the vet myself, but I have to stay home with my 4-year-old son who sprained his ankle yesterday when he slipped on the kitchen floor. (I’d just mopped.) Although it obviously hurts, he’s in good spirits and clearly enjoys having Mom carry him from one pile of toys to another. Of course, my back is killing me from all of the bending and lifting, but my house is staying neat as a pin now that the Big-Eyed Boy is limited in the area he can mess up.

As luck would have it, just as my cat and my son need extra TLC and round-the-clock attention, the Venomous Hubby is set to leave tomorrow for a 3-week TDY at various points throughout the Pacific, during which time we’ll have little to no contact. Since we don’t have family on the island or even a regular babysitter, and my son can’t go to preschool with a sprained ankle, that means I’m on full-time parenting duty for the rest of the month.

I am sorely tempted to add a third leg injury to our little family. Problem is, I don’t know whether to break Hubby’s or my own.

UPDATE: My cat is dead. It’s a good thing Hubby doesn’t leave until tomorrow, because I need a martini tonight.

If your school-age kids show a sudden interest in frequent bathroom visits, don’t get too concerned. They may just be hoping to get lucky.

What appeared to be nothing more than another roll of toilet paper in the boys’ restroom turned out to be a bankroll for fourth-grader Cody Yaeger.

That’s because Cody discovered a $100 bill neatly folded and tucked inside.

The position of the bill – and the pristine condition of the toilet paper roll – left Jamestown Elementary Principal Jack DeLeeuw wondering if the bill was rolled in from the start.

“It’s as if someone at the factory put it in there purposely,” DeLeeuw told The Grand Rapids Press for a Saturday story.

And, on a day which seems all-too-filled with bad news, the best part of this story is that young Cody Yaeger is an honest boy. He took the $100 to directly to his teacher, saying that he didn’t think it was right to keep it. Since nobody claimed the money as theirs, Cody now gets to keep it. But, rather than spend it on himself, Cody says “Maybe I’ll give it to my mom.”

Sounds like she has quite a few reasons to be proud of him.

Pedophilia among the Catholic clergy isn’t restricted solely to priests. In Massachusetts, a group of nuns at a school for the deaf are being sued in connection with ongoing mental, physical and sexual abuse of students.

I suppose the sisters can take comfort in the fact that prison uniforms are orange. They’ve got to be tired of wearing black and white by now, don’t you think?

In an act they claim was intended to “avenge” the torture and abuse of Iraqi prisoners by US soldiers, al-Qaeda has beheaded a U.S. contractor and captured the murder on video.

The video showed five men wearing headscarves and black ski masks, standing over a bound man in an orange jumpsuit similar to a prisoner’s uniform who identified himself as Nick Berg, a U.S. contractor whose body was found on a highway overpass in Baghdad on Saturday.

“My name is Nick Berg, my father’s name is Michael, my mother’s name is Susan,” the man said on the video. “I have a brother and sister, David and Sarah. I live in … Philadelphia.”

After reading a statement, the men were seen pulling the man to his side and putting a large knife to his neck. A scream sounded as the men cut his head off, shouting “Allahu Akbar!” “God is great.” They then held the head out before the camera.

For the first time in my life, I am truly at a loss for words to express my rage.

UPDATE: Kevin has a link to the video. I’m not watching.

UPDATE: The major media outlets - including several in the Arab world - are refusing to air the video. Perhaps there’s still hope for the world.

I’m collecting a list of the best blogging-advice articles out there. Have you written one that passes on some of your best advice for those just starting out? Is there an article or entry (or two) that gave you some great guidance? Drop a link in the comments for me, will you? It’s just too darned hard trying to find them all on my own.

A couple of projects are keeping me busy today. Don’t count on seeing me post unless a miracle happens and things suddenly take a quarter of the time I expect them to.

Bob, an EV reader who requested that his last name not be used, sent me an email with an interesting perspective on the prisoner abuse photos.

Here is an aspect of the controversy that
I have not read or heard anyone discuss:

It appears that Americans have become so
enamoured (accepting?) of S&M-related and other
such sexually-charged images through the advertising
world, that it seems quite “normal” to make and view
photographs of helpless prisoners; images that very
closely (spookily, I might add) parallel the “shock” ad
campaigns of just a few years ago. A helpless
man led on a leash by a woman? Saw it in
“Vogue” a few years ago. Was just in “Elle",
too? Howabout Vanity Fair? etc, etc. These young
people who were prison guards probably saw
such images in some ad campaign for bluejeans, just a
year or two ago.

This has echos of the Maplethorpe exhibition
and the controversy that surrounded it.
Many Americans might have become used to these
images of bull whips stuck into someone’s
anatomy, so the “fantasy” photos taken by the
prison people probably seem quite normal, especially
for those people who visit the more seamy parts of the
Internet.

Recall that the “smart folks” of the 90’s told
conservatives they were making too much
noise over a “first amendment” issue. People
now who have been shocked over and over
by the so-called “art” world can in NO WAY
be shocked by the images from Abu
Ghraib. In fact, such images may provide tittilitation
for these “sophisticates". There is a huge double
standard taking place here, in more ways than
just politics or national behavior (US vs Arab World).

While I’m not in agreement 100%, I think it is an interesting perspective. Contrary to Bob’s assertion, I do find them shocking, disgusting and horrid and would despite having been exposed to S&M on the web, the television, in print, etc. The difference being, of course, that one assumes the participants in such S&M photos are not only voluntarily participating but getting some measure of, er, “satisfaction” in the process. The same most definitely could not be said for prisoners compelled to participate in deeds which are repugnant to their socioreligious framework.

On the other hand, Bob’s email raises another point. Specifically, the possibility that the soldiers themselves, having been exposed to images of sadistic sexuality in the media, may be wholly desensitized to the psychic violence and violation resulting from their deeds.

Scary thought: if that’s true for them, does the recurring broadcast of these images in the mainstream news not make it somewhat true for the rest of us, too?

German authorities have arrested the teenager responsible for developing Sasser, the virus that has crippled various web sites and personal computers over the past week.

Unlike many infections, Sasser does not require users to activate it by clicking on an e-mail attachment. Once inside, the worm scans the Internet for others to attack, causing some computers to continually crash and reboot.

The teenager told officials that his original intention was to create a virus called “Netsky A” that would combat the “Mydoom” and “Bagle” viruses, removing them from infected computers. In the course of that effort, he developed Sasser.

“The student did not give any thought to the resulting consequences or damage,” investigators’ statement said.

Pardon me if I don’t buy the kid’s story about initially wanting to develop a benevolent virus. I suppose I’m getting a bit sick of hackers’ attitudes which dismiss and scorn individual privacy and property rights.

At any rate, don’t lull yourself into believing that the arrest of the worm’s developer is synonymous with arresting the worm’s progress through the net. Update your computers and browsers now, if you haven’t already done so.

I’m finally getting ready to launch my new hosting company. For the past couple of days, I’ve been working out the final legal details and getting a group of folks lined up to assist me with support services. I spent today designing the front page, although the static pages - including the various plan descriptions and pricing, ordering and contact pages - are yet to be built.

Even so, I’d appreciate a browser (and accessibility) check from anyone who has time. So far, it looks fine in Opera 7.0, IE6 on WinXP and Mozilla Firebird at 800 SR using my laptop. Anyone using a different browser (or not) is invited to check [see update #2] and give me some feedback.

I’m hoping to go live with the company next weekend so with luck there won’t be too many errors. But do let me know. I hate it when things don’t work perfectly.

UPDATE: By the way, I’ll be buying the iStock pictures in the morning. My wallet is in my car, which the Venomous Hubby is currently using.

UPDATE #2: Since the hosting company’s site is still under construction, I’ve deleted the link until I’m ready to go “live” with the site. Thanks to everyone who gave me a browser check. Look for the site’s launch in the next week!

James Joyner gathered a number of bloggers’ reactions to the final episode of Friends. Like I pointed out yesterday, because of the time zone difference I saw it hours later than most of you. But, hey, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to put my two cents in.

I’m going to sound schmaltzy but I actually got teary-eyed when Rachel was standing in Ross’s apartment. Yes, it’s true. I had a tear in my eye. Then again, those old Cotton and AT&T commercials used to do the same thing to me. I guess, underneath all the venom, sometimes I’m a sucker for sweetness.

The thing is, I’ve watched Friends pretty regularly throughout its 10 years. I’ve always liked it because they were all my age (well, 2 years younger but who’s counting?). As their lives have settled down a bit, so has mine. Maybe that’s why it felt a bit personal to hear TV critics describing the show as the end of the Friends’ youth and the beginning of their lives as adults. Watching the finale was, in a sense, a coming of age rite for people my age.

Still, two things struck me as odd. First, when Rachel did think she was going to Paris, everyone was acting as if Ross would never see her again. It was a bad storyline in the sense that they have a child together and one would expect they’d see each other sometimes for Emma’s sake.

Second, it struck me odd was the sense they conveyed that the friendships were all ending. I mean, sure, Joey & Chandler implied that they’d see each other. But in the final scene when everyone handed over their keys, there was this sense of awkwardness as if they’d never see each other again when, presumably, the characters would go on being friends even though Friends itself was ending.

Anyway, once the show was over I did exactly what I do every evening at 9 p.m. I switched to our local station which runs Friends each night and started heading to the kitchen to do dishes only to realize that my local channel was airing the very first episode. There was something kind of neat about that. Maybe my youth isn’t entirely over, either.

UPDATE: If you were one of those who tried TiVo’ing the finale and got screwed because it ran past it’s scheduled end-time, the DVD is coming out on Monday.

Pathetic. That’s the only thing which runs through my mind when I read what the parents of Lynddie England - the female guard smirking in the Iraqi abuse photos - have to say on their daughter’s behalf. They liken her to Jessica Lynch, since both girls are from West Virginia, and note that the situation is “blown out of proportion” but, they say, in their daughter’s case it’s all negative.

Although England’s friends describes her as the type who’s “not afraid to break a nail", it’s hard to believe England could have been anything other than a coddled child whose parents excused any misdeeds. Confronted with photos of their daughter’s disgusting actions involving the Iraqi prisoners, England’s family and her surrogate sister Destiny Goin say it’s not her fault.

England was trained to be a “paper pusher” who helped process prisoners at the Abu Ghraib prison near Baghdad, said Goin and England’s brother-in-law James Klinestiver. She was in the area where the photos were taken to visit friends in the 372nd who served as guards, the two said.

Translation: it’s not fair to expect England to know how to behave around prisoners. Besides, her mother explains, the actions depicted in the photos are “stupid kid things, pranks.” Then there’s England’s own justification: that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In response to the public outrage and disgust over England’s actions, her family argues that England, along with the other guards, are being made “scapegoats.” She’s a “good girl,” her mother says.

But, as the photos clearly show, nobody had a leash around that “good girl’s” neck. Her hands are seen pointing at the genitals of one naked Iraqi man or giving the thumbs up sign in front of a heap of naked, hooded prisoners. Nobody physically compelled her to stand and watch as male Iraqi prisoners were ordered to masturbate. And nobody made her smile for the cameras. Lynndie England was free to control her own actions and she chose to humiliate those bound and hooded prisoners.

President Bush - like most of the nation - called the actions of Lynndie England and her fellow guards “disgusting.” England’s family apparently does not agree.

“He doesn’t know what these guys are going through,” Klinestiver said. Referring to Bush’s limited National Guard service during the Vietnam War, he added, “How can you make decisions for our military unless you’ve served yourself?”

Thing is, you don’t have to serve in the military to know how humans should treat each other. And you don’t have to be more than a “paper pusher” to recognize when a person is trying to avoid responsibility for her own evil actions by claiming to be more of a victim than those she abused.

Here’s a follow-up to yesterday’s entry, “Honor Rape Legitimized”.

Multan, Pakistan - Six men appeared in court on Friday, accused of the rape of two women allegedly sanctioned by a Pakistani village council to avenge the honour of a family whose daughter was also sexually assaulted, an official said.

Judge Haris Ali Mian at Kabirwalla District Court gave police four days to question the three men accused of carrying out the rape. He also ordered three village council members jailed for two weeks pending further investigation of the case.[…]

None of the accused have been formally charged with any offense.

According to the report, the sentence for rape includes death. The village officials, who’ve been charged with abetting the rape, may face prison terms although no minimum is specified.

Hard to believe there hasn’t been a Rick’s Cafe in Casablanca until now.

It’s been a while since I looked at the list of search queries which have misguided people to Electric Venom. They’re usually good for a chuckle or two (what do you expect from the #1 person for “stupid search) but today they just seem downright weird. For instance:

I’m #1 on Google for “dark ruler” even though the relevant entry just leads to Glenn, who hasn’t bothered to link me lately despite my bestowal of such a charming honorific on him. (Maybe I should whine about it for a few days? Nah. Not my style.).

On an unrelated note, I’m also #1 for idiots in the news.

I’m #185 for castration. That’s down from 9 months ago when I was #34. I must be getting mellow with age.

I’m #8 for “sex with soldiers”. Bet the Venomous Hubby has some smart remark about that one.

Looking for “hot girl on girl action”? I’m #15 on that one but only #48 for doggie style. Go figure. But, hey, if you want to learn how to film girls nude secretly at home, I’m #1. (Before you get all excited, keep in mind I’m also #1 for grandma style panties.)

Ah well. At least I remain at the top of the list for damn near perfect ass. Hmmm…. maybe that’s not such a good thing after all.

UPDATE: I take that back. Kevin has bumped me out of the #1 slot for damn near perfect ass. If we weren’t such good friends, I might have a word or two for him over that.

This week’s submissions were sparse, so I decided not to waste time thinking up a clever theme. So, here ’tis, the Snark Hunt Edition Where Everyone Wants Something.

Josh wants your BlogSpam.

The California Yankee wants Connecticut’s governor impeached.

The Watcher of Weasles wants Arab countries to get a clue.

Pennywit wants the Nigerian email scammers’ money.

Norbizness wants efficiency in blogging.

Brian Noggle wants Kerry to get real.

Josh Fielek wants to set the record straight on Howard Dean.

Jim Peacock wants a marshmallow.

De Doc wants Al Franken to quit lying.

Me? I just want a nap.

If you want to be in the Snark Hunt next week, get your link in by next Thursday morning. I might even think up something clever by then.

ISLAMABAD (Reuters) - A village council in Pakistan has permitted a landlord to rape the sister and sister-in-law of a man he accused of an illicit relationship with his daughter, police say.

The incident happened on April 30 in the small village of Donga Naich in the central province of Punjab, after a ruling by a three-men local jury, or panchayat.

“We have registered a case against all the men involved in this heinous act,” a police officer in the nearby town of Kabirwala told Reuters.

Sikander Javed, a lawyer for the women, said the influential landlord, Ghaffar, had complained to the council that his honour had been sullied when the son of a poor farmer began a relationship with his daughter.

The council members, all of them landlords themselves, ruled that Ghaffar, who uses only one name, could avenge his honour by having sex with the farmer’s daughter, who is 16, and daughter-in-law, who is 22.

The council then went to the house of the farmer, Muhammad Nawaz, and said he should send his daughter and daughter-in-law to Ghaffar’s house to seek forgiveness but did not mention their ruling, Javed said.

Later the girls were locked in a room and raped by Ghaffar while two of his male relatives stood guard and the three-member council waited outside, he said.

Words fail me.

There are a lot of great comments being left here on my Bush/Rumsfeld post. I want to point out two things about the “What Rummy Knew When?” situation.

First, the Dems are urging Rumsfeld’s resignation primarily as a punishment for Rumsfeld’s failure to be omniscient. To put it another way - and to borrow a vintage Rumsfeld phrase - there are knowns and there are unknowns… but there are also “should have knowns.” The Dems want Rumsfeld fired because Rumsfeld knew about the investigations and should have known about the severity of the atrocities, all of which were unknown to Congress and the public. They want Rumsfeld to pay the price for the fact that such horrors were committed, as if his termination could somehow expiate the evil. That is not why I believe Rumsfeld needs to go.

Rumsfeld’s failure is that he did not fully and candidly brief the President concerning the Pentagon’s investigation in a timely fashion, a decision on his part which is both alarming in any Cabinet member but which is all the more alarming because of the massive harm it will work on President Bush’s re-election campaign.

There is no excuse for Rumsfeld’s failure to inform President Bush in this situation. As Scott McClellan noted in yesterday’s press corps briefing, Generals Abizaid and Myers, as well as Rumsfeld, knew more about the prison abuse the President. As the Cabinet member who oversees Abizaid and Meyers, Rumsfeld’s failure to adequately brief the Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. Forces shows an obliviousness to the fact that he serves “at the pleasure of the President.” Were it not for the political implications of the situation, the President should fire him. But he can’t, and that leads to my second point.

As I’ve written previously in other contexts, Rumsfeld has been a long-standing potential political liability for the President in the same vein as Cheney. We’ve watched as the Left pointed toward Rumsfeld as “proof” of the Bush Administration’s hawkishness, and we’ve watched as moderates and centrists have been increasingly alienated by Rumsfeld’s apparent belief that the American public should not know certain facts about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. (Remember the photos of the coffins we weren’t supposed to see? Or the Pentagon’s urging of the media to stop calling it a “War in Iraq” in favor of calling it the “Fight for Iraq"?) All that has been manageable until now, when Rumsfeld appears to believe that even the President does not need to know certain facts about the war. And that stance may very well cost Bush the Presidency.

The single greatest weakness of the Bush Administration - IMVO - has been the President’s heavy reliance on advisers who may have their own agendas and who, we’ve repeatedly learned, have not been fully candid with the President. Obviously, a President is supposed to rely on his advisors instead of micromanaging in a Carter-esque fashion, but the danger for Bush - which goes back as far as the 2000 campaign - is the appearance of over-reliance on his advisors.

During the last election, the best weapon the Democrats had against Bush was the implication that he was not intelligent enough, not policy-oriented enough, not detailed enough to lead the nation on his own and, therefore, he would rely on those around him to run the Oval Office for him. Bush, we were warned, would be little more than a figure-head,a marionette whose strings would be pulled by oil- and defense-industry interests. Then 9/11 came and Bush asserted himself as an individual. He was a leader. He was engaged and running the Presidency. He made huge strides in rallying the entire country behind him. Those gains began eroding last March when we declared war in Iraq, and the Administration has since been amazingly savvy in its efforts to recoup the loss, positioning the President once again as an independent leader.

For example, in the past nine months Rumsfeld had ceased holding daily press conferences to deliver his pithy soundbites and stepped out of the limelight, letting the President take the lead. At the same time, the President’s approval rating started climbing up again. When we heard about the war, we heard about it primarily from Centcom briefings. When we heard about policy, we heard about it from the President. When the two issues overlapped, it was again the President who spoke to the nation. The message? That the military is fighting the war and the President is leading them - and us.

Then the 9/11 Commission interviewed the President in the Oval Office, and the President insisted - for reasons which have yet to be adequately explained - on Cheney being present. Once again, the shadow of a puppet Presidency surfaced. As it happened, the murders of American contractors in Iraq, the battle in Fallujah, and even the revelations about Kerry’s dissembling over his post-Vietnam actions all served to distract the voting population’s attention. Consequently, the opportunity for the Dem’s to hone and wield their best weapon against Bush was lost.

Until this week.

Now, Rumsfeld is indirectly back in the news. Now Rumsfeld himself is an issue. His decision to withhold information from the President (information which, as it turns out, had international political implications) has created yet another opportunity for the Dems to attack the President on his weakest front: his choice of and reliance on advisors who may have their own agendas. Now, to avoid confirming the “puppet Presidency", the President has to defend his original selection of Rummy as SecDef and also defend his continued support for Rumsfeld. And it’s costing the President greatly to do so: just look at this week’s plunge in the polls which show the President at his lowest approval rating ever.

Talk about a political Catch-22. If the President retains Rumsfeld, he appears to accept and condone a Cabinet which inadequately or erroneously informs him on issues with major global significance, a là “Where are the WMDs?” But to fire Rumsfeld at this point is to acknowledge that the SecDef kept the President in the dark on the prison abuse and torture and - as the Dems are already arguing - if Rumsfeld deceived the President on that situation, what else has he failed to disclose? Either way, any action right now on the President’s part with respect to Rumsfeld will work against Bush in the next election.

The solution? It’s time for Rumsfeld to resign.

“Venom on the Side” (my sideblog) returns after a long hiatus following my switch from MT to WordPress. Major thanks to Markku, whose Recent Links hack made this possible.

Just a reminder: due to the time zone difference most of you will see the final episode of Friends long before I do. So, there will be no blog-reading or even news-reading for me tonight, because I don’t want to risk stumbling across a description of how they wrap up the show.

In the meantime, please don’t spoil it for me in the comments or via email. I will not forgive you.

Someone once told me that it would be a cold day in hell before President Bush got rid of Rumsfeld. The way things are looking, perhaps the Devil should be shopping for a parka.

As Washington tries to understand what led to the abhorrent abuse of Iraqi prisoners, President Bush has called Rumsfeld to task for keeping him in the dark about the severity of the situation.

The disclosures by the White House officials, under authorization from Mr. Bush, were an extraordinary display of finger-pointing in an administration led by a man who puts a high premium on order and loyalty. The officials said the president had expressed his displeasure to Mr. Rumsfeld in an Oval Office meeting because of Mr. Rumsfeld’s failure to tell Mr. Bush about photographs of the abuse, which have enraged the Arab world.

In his interviews on Wednesday with Arab television networks, Mr. Bush said that he learned the graphic details of the abuse case only when they were broadcast last Wednesday on the CBS program “60 Minutes II.” It was then, one White House official said, that Mr. Bush also saw the photographs documenting the abuse. “When you see the pictures,” the official said, “it takes on a proportion of gravity that would require a much more extreme response than the way it was being handled.” [emphasis added]

Did you catch that? The President authorized the revelation that he gave Rumsfeld a dressing-down! I can only think of two reasons for the disclosure of what would otherwise be a private conversation.

Perhaps the President believes that hints and whispers of a reprimand are sufficient punishment for a high-level official’s failure to fully disclose globally significant information to his Commander-in-Chief, but given the magnitude of the prison scandal, I don’t think any seasoned politician would be so naive. The fact is, this situation reveals yet another lapse in communication between Bush and his Cabinet, and failure to address it decisively will completely undermine voter confidence in his ability to continue leading the nation.

Thought those political cartoons showing Cheney with his hand in the President’s back were bad? They’re nothing compared to the caricatures we’ll be seeing of Cheney, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft and Powell crowded behind the President’s desk in the Oval Office while Bush himself is locked in a trophy cabinet on the wall.

On the other hand, perhaps this authorized disclosure is the President’s trial balloon, a demonstration that he understands the political realities of the situation and the fact that America and Iraq - if not the world - is holding its collective breath waiting for someone significant to be held accountable. Better to let Rumsfeld go than to sacrifice the election.

UPDATE: Scott McClellan’s press briefing today pretty much says it all:

Q The President said today, “The first time I saw or heard about pictures was on TV.” We know that General Abizaid, we know that the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Richard Myers, both knew weeks before that, A, these pictures existed, and, B, that they would be broadcast. In light of the fact of the impact these pictures have had on U.S. credibility, is the President disturbed that he was not notified of the existence of these pictures, or that they would be broadcast?

MR. McCLELLAN: Again, I think this question was – is mentioned in David’s question earlier today, and we discussed it earlier this morning, as well. The President’s focus is on making sure that our military is taking this matter seriously, that they’re taking steps to address it, and that they’re holding people accountable who are responsible for these appalling acts, because it does not represent what America stands for. It does not represent American values. And the President wants to make sure that this kind of activity doesn’t happen again. And he appreciates the fact that there are a series of investigations going on now by our military leaders, and that when it came to their attention, they immediately took steps to look into these issues and work to address them.

Q But does the President believe that he was informed by Rumsfeld in a timely manner about these photos?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I pointed out to you that after Secretary Rumsfeld became aware of it, he informed the President about it at a later time. And so the President –

Q When was –

MR. McCLELLAN: It was sometime after Secretary Rumsfeld became aware of it…..

I’m not a morning person. In fact, I hate mornings. I hate the happy morning people walking on the beach and the way they chirp “Hello!” as I sit on the lanai in my nightgown, slugging down coffee and trying to remember why the hell I made myself get out of bed. Then I remember: I’m up early so I can clean the house before my husband and kids get up to undo everything I just did. This, of course, only deepens my hatred of mornings and the people who love them.

Today wasn’t so bad, though. Within minutes of waking up, the Roomba was handling the vacuuming, the coffee maker was grinding the Kona beans and making coffee, the washer and dryer were churning out clean laundry, the dishwasher was scouring the dishes, and the crockpot was simmering dinner.

Meanwhile, I went out to the lanai for a cigarette (yes, I’m back to smoking, which no doubt is why Brad Pitt is, too). With the sun on my face and no morning people walking by to disturb me, I managed to snatch another half-hour of sleep which included a pretty hot fantasy about a couple of blogger friends, a bottle of suntan oil and a plastic shower curtain.

Anyway.

Within forty-five minutes, most of my chores were done with relatively little effort on my part - although I did do some heavy breathing over that suntan oil/shower curtain thing.

Which makes me wonder: what do you think robots dream about?

Discuss.

Thank you to the folks who “Spoiled Me” yesterday via PayPal. My gratitude is coming via individual emails, too, but right now I can’t thank you enough. You made my day!

The Observer has released its list of memorable moments in “50 Years of Pop”. Not a bad list, I’ll admit, but I’m surprised there’s no mention of the (God-please-let-it-be-dead) “boy band” fad that started in the late 90’s.

More shocking: the omission of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” and the Ramones’ “Rock and Roll High School.” WTF? Time for a columnist to be flogged, I think.

What notable moments do you think should’ve made the list?

Clicking on those pesky banner ads is apparently profitable for the clickees:

A growing number of housewives, college graduates, and even working professionals across metropolitan cities are rushing to click paid Internet ads to make $100 to $200 (up to Rs 9,000) per month.

“It’s boring, but it is extra money for a couple of hours of clicking weblinks every day,” says a resident of Delhi’s Patparganj, who has kept a $300-target for the summer. […]

Here’s how it works: online advertisers in developed markets agree to pay hosting website each time an ad is clicked. With performance-based deals becoming dominant on the Internet, intermediaries have sprung up to “do the needful?.’ Why, type in ‘earn rupees clicking ads’ in Google ? you get 25,000 results.

Heck, that same query for US dollars returns 80,000 results. Perhaps I’ve found Hubby a new job after all.

Send those Snark Hunt submissions to me. Despite rumors to the contrary, the Hunt is on for tomorrow evening… barring yet another unexpected calamity, that is.

If April is the cruelest month, ever wonder why they call May “merry"? Now you know.

Not getting enough? Try buying a Beemer.

BERLIN (Reuters) - BMW drivers have more sex than owners of any other cars and are much more active than Porsche drivers, a new German car magazine has found.

The German magazine “Men’s Car” found in a survey of 2,253 motorists aged 20 to 50 published in its inaugural May issue that male BMW drivers say they have sex on average 2.2 times each week while Porsche drivers have sex 1.4 times per week.

Of course, your milage may vary. Just ask my husband.

Sorry for the silence after posting yesterday’s Snark Hunt. The Venomous Hubby and I received some rather disappointing news, and I’ve been enraged about it ever since.

Hubby, for those who don’t know it, is 9 months away from retirement as an LTC in the U.S. Army. Given the current war footing - and his MOS - we’d hoped he’d get a 2-year extension and postpone his retirement while I complete the novel and prepare to launch my web hosting company. Unfortunately, that’s not to be.

We received a call from a good friend who’s quite intimate with the selection and retention process. He’d been tapped to pass on the word to Hubby that the “powers that be” will not be extending Hubby’s service. Apparently, despite the depletion of upper-level officers, and particularly officers with Hubby’s MOS, the U.S. Army is not granting extensions to men of his rank unless they have a Master’s Degree. Hubby does not. At one point he’d hoped to complete one but since his job required travel 12 days per month it wasn’t possible for him to both work and finish an advanced degree.

Turns out, Hubby’s not alone in this. We’ve since heard from a handful of friends and acquaintances of equal rank who also sought - and were denied - extensions on the same grounds. Ironically, the same friend who’d called to give us the bad news had to make the call to our other friends, too. I imagine that somewhere in Arlington, he’s feeling like a real ass despite knowing that nobody holds it against him for having to deliver the news.

Anyway, I won’t be posting on the weekends for the next few months and will most likely cut back a bit on the weekday posting as well. Sorry about that, but blame it on the U.S. Army. I’ll be busying myself with the final steps toward launching my hosting company. After all, someone has to bring home the bacon.

Do you know what’s worse than hearing someone get all the lyrics wrong on a shmaltzy song? Getting it stuck in your head for days. Now it’s your turn. Heh.

Snark Will Keep Us Together

Snark, snark will keep us together.
Link to me babe whenever
Some sweet headline comes along,
And your opinion is strong,
Don’t mess around you just gotta snark on.

Just snark, ‘cause we love it when you do.
Snark, and we’ll be linkin’ to you
Link back to this and let snark
Keep us together.

You. You been linked by me now.
Hey, linking is free now.
Sit down and blog and let snark
Link us together.
Whatever.

Young and literate.
But someday your trolls will move on.
When idiots piss you off,
Will you keep snarkin’ on?
I will. I will.

I will be here to snark forever.
Links will keep us together.
I said it before and I’ll say it again:
My patience is thin,
So you snark now and I’ll snark again.

Just snark, ‘cause we love it when you do.
Snark, and we’ll be linkin’ to you
Link back to this and let snark
Keep us together.
Whatever.

The FedEx guy didn’t come on Friday. Evidently, sending things “overnight” still means 2 business days. So, my power cord arrived 5 minutes ago.

Time to catch up on email, with the belated Snark Hunt coming in the next hour or two.