Local Spinning
My localish paper, This Is Kidderminster (doesn’t that title deserve an exclamation mark at the end?), taking a few lessons from the big boys, spins out the following headline:
“Gay sex attack cleaner's vow”
Now, to me, that headline conveys that a cleaner was sexually assaulted in a manner that could be considered gay, something like a gay rape, maybe…
Totally wrong.
It is actually a story about a toilet cleaner who supposedly interrupted two men engaging in toilet sex and received a literal smack in the mouth from one of the men.
Mrs Pound, 51, said:
"I went in through the door of the men's and there were two men doing it. One of them swore at me. He then swung his arm back and smacked me in the mouth.".
Uh huh.
Whilst in no way condoning the public activity or the assault, the whole story just doesn’t ring true. Were the men in the general area of the toilets, in which case it was certainly daring activity for an early Thursday afternoon, or were they in one of the cubicles? If they were in one of the cubicles, as I rather suspect they were, I wonder how Mrs Pound gained access - was the door locked? Did she knock? Or did she just barge in, something that would annoy the most innocent of toilet goer?
Also, unless Mrs Pound cleans with her eyes shut, I assume that she must have spotted the "filthy graffiti" long ago, if not legions of men lurking around the toilets themselves, just waiting for the coast to be clear, or not in some case, so they can disappear and get it on.
What gives?
I rather suspect this story is an pile of old pony.
Spurning The Sperm
As if the blanket ban on sexually active gay men donating blood wasn’t bad enough, the Food and Drug Administration in America have announced that men who have had sex with other men, during the last five years, will not be allowed to donate their sperm. Supposedly, this is to prevent HIV being transmitted.
It actually makes no sense at all… All sperm is routinely screened for HIV, hepatitis B and C, chlamydia and gonorrhoea, syphilis and mad cow disease, so what exactly is the problem?
Lambda Legal Executive Director Kevin Cathcart said:
"There is absolutely nothing about this proposal that's based on science or medicine -- this is a policy based on bigotry. It's completely illogical to say that a gay monogamous man who practiced safe sex four years ago cannot be a sperm donor, but a heterosexual man who had high-risk unprotected sex 14 months ago can donate his sperm. HIV affects every part of our nation's population, and the F.D.A. needs to realize that fact and stop treating gay men as the only people who contract HIV.”
You don’t suppose that the FDA subscribes to some kind of nature, rather than nurture, theory and is attempting to curtail the growth of the gay population in the belief that gay sperm can only produce gay children? Or maybe there is something inherently offence about impregnating a heterosexual woman with homosexual sperm, although, I guess, doing that to a lesbian would be OK?
Mind you, changes are afoot over here to allow children to find out who their sperm donating father was, and how emotionally distressing that could be to discover that your father was batting for the other side… Maybe there is something similar in America.
Wouldn’t you love to know the religious background to the controlling forces within the FDA?
On a slightly different note, picked up from Bill’s Comment Page, this lovely little story about the childless German couple, who on visiting the fertility clinic, discovered that the reason for their "infertility" just might be something to do with fact that the couple have never had sex full stop, let alone with each other. Sex was a total mystery.
Hard hugs just don’t do it.
Boom Bang-a-bang Bang (4)
Yes, I know, I know – you’re all so very bored of this subject…
Unlucky...
Obviously I have waaaaaaay too much free time on my hands, because I was calculating the maximum number of countries who can play in the Eurovision Song Contest. I’m only considering countries with a European link and not the entire world, although that is a totally licky idea.
Non-playing EU member states total five, (Czech Republic, Hungary (not played since 1998), Italy (not played since 1997), Luxembourg (not played since 1993) and Slovakia (not played since 1998)).
Applicant Countries total one, (Bulgaria).
Other Countries total four, (Liechtenstein, Moldova, San Marino and Vatican City).
A total of ten extra countries, which could bring the event up to a whopping forty six countries! Fab-tastic!!!
As next year is the 50th Eurovision Song Contest, let’s make it a bumper one, where all of Europe plays! Make it a European holiday, where the continent closes down for a day or two.
I especially want to hear the first entry from Vatican City, the jaw-dropping drum ‘n’ bass prog rock pastiche, “God Is Super”.
Excellent Eurovision statistics site Here
Smoke Screen (2)
Mentioned before, but here is the latest outbreak of propagandist anti-smoking statistics this morning. A hysterical smiley-boy on the ITN 5:30am news this morning proclaimed that "the vast majority" of the public want a ban of smoking in public places.
Ummm - excuse me, it was actually 52%, hardly a vast anything really. Plus, once again, it was survey lite with a puny 1,500 adults polled.
If we were to consider 52% as a vast majority, there are a hell of a lot of other things that folk would like to see... My partner has compiled a handy dandy list for you all
--oo00oo--
Reintroduction of the death penalty.
Completely stopping immigration.
Halting further multi-culturalising of the UK.
Castration and perpetual incarceration of kiddie fiddlers.
Completely pulling out of Europe.
Completely pulling out of Iraq.
Securing the sackings/resignations of any politician who is known to lie in their public pronouncements.
A written Charter of Human Rights for all British citizens.
Codified and legally binding rights for the protection of all employees in the UK.
Public transportation systems which worked.
Taking back the railways into public ownership again.
Ditto: water, electricity, gas.
Having dentists become re-available as part of the NHS.
--oo00oo--
the statistics spin is all totally bogus and the public are falling for it.
What I want to know is this - if there is a direct link between death and passive smoking, a clear correlation, where is the evidence? Meaningless statistics not count.
As Director Simon Clark of FOREST says:
"Once again we are presented with estimates, calculations and 'likely risk'. Where is the hard evidence that passive smoking is killing people? If one person dies every week from passive smoking at work, as the anti-smokers claim, it's time to name names. Let's have proof, not statistics based on very dubious science."
I suspect it is rather like the rigging of the tired obesity-kills-more-people-than-anything-else statistic, by marking all deaths of the obese as death by obesity, even if they happen to have had their head cut off with a power saw.
Here is a question for you next survey, Mintel:
"Would you like to pay an additional £230 tax per annum... or not?"
That is the estimate loss of tax revenue generated by smokers.
No..? Thought not
Selective Reportage
A lot has been written on the subject of biased reporting from the BBC, but the BBC isn't alone in this.
Take the ITN 5:30am news broadcast on Monday. While the BBC lead their early morning news with the start of gay marriages in Massachusetts, complete with footage of couple queuing outside Boston's City Hall Plaza, ITN treated it as a mere five second news footnote, using old footage from San Franciso. I suppose I should be grateful that they even bothered to mention it.
Then this morning, the ITN 5:30am news started with the latest news about the evil wildcat strikes conducted by the fire fighters. Many condemning comments and the question Should Firefighters Be Allowed To Strike was today's ITN money grabbing pointless poll.
Absolutely zero examination of the reason for the strike, namely, the 3.5% pay rise, backdated to last November, has still not been delivered. No questions as to why the employers have failed to honour the June 2003 Pay Agreement. No quotes about employers "putting people's lives at risk". Nothing.
Remember - there are always two sides to a dispute...
The Union's position is Here
Boom Bang-a-bang Bang (3)
The last piece on The Eurovision Song Contest, you’ll be pleased to know. But, hey - it’s only once a year, and is more fun than a bucket of mutilated frogs.
Firstly, hats off to Turkey, who put on two really professional shows. We’ll let you off the cheesy presenters, because it is Eurovision after all. And the interminable Turkish River Dance that went on forever. The travelogues between the songs were very nice. Turkey looks like a really beautiful place. I want to go there. Now.
The Semi-final
The commentary was not Terry and totally sub-standard. The comments offered could have been lifted straight out of Directors’ Commentary. There was one moment that was total bliss – we lost the live commentary transmission for a couple of songs. Peace at long last. Horrah!
Biggest disappointment was the failure of Estonia to qualify. One of my two favourite songs this year, performed by Neiokõsõ, featuring a be-horned drummer, who played his drum kit using his hands, rather than sticks. It made a change to hear a song that was just that little bit different. Excellent stuff… Guys, you were robbed, and I am convinced it you’d have made the final, you’d have done rather well…
The Final
Terry Wogan did the UK commentary, with his usual amusing little asides. At one point he got terribly excited during the Ukraine entry that he exclaimed “The Whips!” during mid-song. He probably thought that he was off-mic, so we should be grateful that that was all he said.
Unlike last year, where Turkey pretty much walked it, it was nip and tuck with the voting for the top four songs, with the Ukraine (my other favourite song) pulling ahead about two thirds of the way through the voting, eventually winning with their jolly little Xena:Warrior Princess number… Much deserved it was too.
Nul point prone Norway did look like ending up with another to add to the set, until Sweden gave them 3 points in round 33.
As for the UK, Master Fox put in, what looked like, a very tired performance. I can understand that. The euphoria of representing us in Eurovision must come crashing down when you realize that the song you have to perform is a load of old toss. It did look like we might end up with nul points, which would have been most, most excellent, but Belarus put an end to that in round six by doling out the sympathy one-pointer. Dammit. OK – I’ll settle for last then. That was maybe possible, until, in a moment of madness in round 19, an extremely uncharacteristic Ireland gave us 8 points. It seems that they thought we were the third best song in the show. Or not.
We actually finished a disrespectful 16th, with a puny 29 points out of a possible 420.
But no chortling from you French – you only managed 15th with 40 points, even though you played unfair and deployed the unintentionally funny Stilt Woman. What on earth was that all about then?
Honourable mention to Deen from Bosnia & Herzegovina with the Donna Summeresque, In The Disco. Expect a call from the solicitors some time soon.
The Golden Sick Bag award went to Lisa Andreas, a 16yo Brit girl singing for Cyprus (huh?), for the most vomit making song of the show. Nauseating still was the UK media attempting to claim a right result by proxy.
But, now the important bit. Something really needs to be done about the voting. It got to the stage where Terry and the viewers could predict, based on country location, where the 12 points were going to go. Yes – countries were voting, not for songs, but for countries. For example, in the semi-finals, Everyone gave Andorra zero points, except Spain who gave them 12. In the finals, Andorra reciprocated with 12 points for Spain; Greece and Cyprus swapped 12 points; 12 points to France from Monaco and 12 points to Spain from Portugal. And these are just the obvious examples.
I know that isn’t a new phenomena and part of me likes it like that, because it will make pretty damn sure that friendless, uneuropean, little Englanders UK won’t win the contest ever again.
I do hope in 2005 we see more countries playing - Luxembourg, for example, should make a return. I also want rid of this automatic final qualification for the big four - France, Germany, Spain and the UK, That was a really bad idea. Just put the lowest scorers in the semi-final, together with any new countries taking part.
As for the voting - well, there is no real answer to that. A return to jury voting won't make any difference, as they demonstrated themselves quite capable of biased voting when they were around. Maybe not informing the viewers which country the contestants are from. Everyone would have to sing in English then, which I hate, plus you'd never keep the information quiet with the Internet.
I guess it is just democracy in action…
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