Tuesday, May 25
see that?that's the last bong hit i have till i buy more. anti is out of weed, bitches. and yes i just refered to myself in the 3rd person. so sue me.
i nearly did the same thing with toilet paper.
it's like... Weed and Toilet Paper... two things you don't want to run out of before you bought more.
and i'll manage to screw up both.
but at least i steal enough hotel towels to always have a clean one of those for myself, cuz i once had a roommate that used paper towels to dry off from the shower. so i know there's lazier than i out there.
in irrelevant news, i have a new microwave. it's all black, and now i can heat up stuff. i just don't have any stuff. like usual.
and for some reason i have three packs of cigarettes. all are different brands. and they're all open. how am i sposed to choose? and where'd they all come from?
shmenore + shmegastir + shtink
Monday, May 24
what you fail to see is, YOU are your own worst problem.know why you didn't become the success you think you "deserve" to be? cuz youmake it happen for yourself.
point the finger all over town, at your mom aqnd dad, at your shitty friends... point the finger if you have to. but that's not living in reality, now is it?
being able to look in the mirror and see the creator of your destiney. now that's reality.
hind sight is crystal clear and if i could go back, i'd prolly do a million things differently. anything from studying more in highschool, to banging all the hot chicks i wished i banged. but either way, it's the past and i only spend half a second thinking about it. same with the future.
i thinkabout how i feel right now. and right now i'm feeling sorta "meh..." but i don't even really know why.
i had too much time to think in el centro. their radio sucks, and i'm not intrested in TV, so i just sat there, and thunked my brain off.
just rolled in from skipping town, and it feels great to be home, and kenneth cowan came over. we're chiillin with buds and fucking bumping cypress hill, cuz when the shit goes down you better be ready. i'll talk more,
later,
cuz like...
we're bumping yo.
and you are just low on the totem pole a la today. besides howard stern is about to come correct on my radio dial. so check it i'm.... OUT.p's.
Thursday, May 20
i'm skitzophrenic, with a gemini link.
i'm skitzophrenic, with a gemini link, bitch...
now die.next stop, el shitty. i mean, el centro.
sometimes i feel like i don't have a partner
sometimes i feel like my only friend...
is the TRUCK that i drive in
a blue silverado
lonely as i am, together we're high.this year started off with me being told by a crazy manic bitch i had never met before in my life, that i was going to die old... and alone.... and miserable. intresting.
i feel extremely isolated right now. i haven't even left for el centro yet, and i already feel ten thousand miles away from everyone.
it's not so bad really. especially if you bring enough NyQuil to sleep every second of free time away. then you barely even notice you left town. you barely even know your own name.
i don't think i'm gonna leave for el centro till midnight or so. i'm all about midnight-missions. so i'll show up inot town round 4am or so, and i'll go straight to work... and put up signs until i'm blue in the face, and want to pass out from over working myself. and i'll keep the pace going strong till about midnight friday night. and i'll finally check into the holiday inn, and and not move a muscle till i have to deal with the signwalkers the next day.
the whole time i'll thinking about what and who i am missing. cuz that's what i do. think too much.
El Centro, California - aka, Hell Centro - aka Little Bagdad
i'm sitting here knawing away at some oatmeal cookies from 7-11 cuz i already ate the reese's peanut butter stix, and drank the coffee drink thingy, and i would have eaten del taco, but i spent all my money on drinks at the bar on the pier.tomorrow i leave or el sentro and i'm not exactly doing back flips of joy over here.
no joy at all.
but at least i come back sunday to friends with smiley faces, and act-right pouring out their fucking ears.
btw, i am the devil. mua hahahahahhah
not nvervous bout el centro, just loathing the loniless of being holed up in a butthole town for three days, with not much more to do but signs, and twiddle my thumbs watchign the weather channel in my hotel room, with the air conditioning on so high, your nipples will cut glass.
i am reallllly thinking about staying at the holiday innnn. again. cuz like, my cousin is going signing up the signs in the A. Z. annnnnnnd, he said he's gonna stay at the swank ass sheraton by the metrocenter... me and raymi know allll about sheratons. it's like having a hole the size of the moon in your wallet.
but i just want the holiday inn cuz it has that boardroom thingy, and basically all access internet.
aka...
home sweet home.
Wednesday, May 19
ME singing happybirthday to bigtanky.raymi's happy birthday to big tanky post
martin's happy birthday to big tanky post
angelina, trueboy, and the viking's happy birthday to big tanky posts
and this pic always makes her laugh.
sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.it doesn't matter how hard you try, cuz who cares how hard you try? i don't wanna hear that shit "umm duhhh... i TRIED my best" well thanks for nothing you useless incompitent jerkwad.
i'm not concerned with the excuses.
there's only pass or fail in life. pick one.
sorry doesn't fix it. explaining why you fucked up doesn't make it go away.
oh you wanna know how to make things better? don't fuck it up next fucking time.
if there IS a next time.
big tanky is my bestest friend, and today is dedicated to her.i can't believe she still puts up with me and my lame never ending cycle of drama, but i'm grateful to no end.
i hate when something i'm writing like this starts to sound like i'm signing a year book or some shit, man.
she's so much cooler than you could hope to be. smarter (she actually reads the news paper, who fucking does THAT anymore man??), tuffer (she's beaten up more dudes than chicks), more compact (she's only like 5'2 or some shit), and more pleasnat to be around than a car air freshener.
in fact, even if i hated her, and i wanted to talk shit, the only way i could pull it off would be if i lied my ass off... cuz the truth is, there is nobody who i think higher of, cept maybe my mom.
so cheers tankoholic, im pouring out some of my 40 for ya, i suggest anyone that reads this do the same.
Tuesday, May 18
i am so bummed i have to go out of town this weekend. HELL CENTRO AGAINnow i've been there and i'm not even stressed like i was this time last week. i know where everything is and what everything looks like, ect ect.
AND last week i dug into the underground signwalker network that exists in every town. it's really signwalker specific, it's just... there's a type of person who signwalks, bottom line. and anyways, i got the chains all rattled and i'll have lotsa guys ready to go. and i know where they all live (under a blu tarp by the rail road tracks, and the roberta motel), if they don't show up when they said they would i'll hunt them down.
my plan is to go budge-style on the hotel this time. i'm not gonna slum it as hard as that hotel me and kenneth saw for $16.98 a night, maybe i'll bust out the best western. it didn't look so skeezy.
"hold onto your dreams, don't let nobody tell you to let go..." -Emanonbeing happy isn't a dream for me like it used to be. i can find happiness in simple pleasures.
a buzz, getting my foot stuck in just the most comfortable spot on the couch, realizing i had a pint of ice cream i totally forgot to eat cuz i got high that night i bought it.
i get high every night.
did you know it's my birthday coming up (JUNE 7TH MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!!) and i'm gonna be 25, and i feel like i know a secret i shouldn't.
like being this young, and knowing how to be this happy is cheating the system.
i have my mom to thank. she's incredible, and taught me so much... but mostly she taught me how to be a man. way more than my dad ever did.
all pops ever showed me was how to screw people over. but then again... i guess that is man-ly enuff, and usefull to know. so whatever.
see that smile i'm rockin in that picture? man that shit can't be faked. and why am i so happy?? i'm glad you asked.
firstly it's NOT cuz i'm a lazy stoner with no ambition. wich might sound like a blatant lie, cuz i AM a stoner and yes... extemely lazy. but by no means am i happy because i simply have aimed so low...
i am happy because i live for every second i have. i do what i want so much more often than what i have to do, it's fucking ridiculous. and i answer to noone but me, and i rubber stamp everything "a-ok".
top that.
there's always that one person, man. that one motherfucker who you hate, but can't seem to get rid of. maybe to some people I'M that motherfucker.... but i doubt it.i base it all on my first gut reaction to seeing someone when i walk into a room. is my very first thought, "oh, right on, it's great to see so-and-so" ORRRRRR am i like, "ugh, it's THAT fucking person. now i am less happy than i was two seconds ago." ?????
the list of people that make me say "ugh" is so short:
andy weiss
sylvie
dave's girlfriend cindy
allison mossberg
john glass
mark mcnally
and austin nagl;er
my life has been tailored in such a way that i never have run ins with any of those people, cuz cutting the drama outta your life is priceless.
that picture was taken the day i made syvlie cry, cuz she was trying to invite herself over to my house, and i didn't fall for her shitty little damsel in distress routine. the true damsels in distress were MY two home gurrrls who were trying to get rid of sylvie as nicely as they knew how. wich wasn't working.
and for the record i didn't TRY to make her cry, she's a drama queen and literally she's an actress and always trying to get you to "see her star in her play" at the local junior college, and she turned on the tears cuz that's what usually works for her. helps her get her own way.
so we went back to my apartment, and someone took that picture in mid rant about, "how could she be that oblivious, she's GOTTA know she's buggin..."
and i think it's a funny picture.
my answering machine, rip off of tony pierce.
Monday, May 17
shitty signwalkers are a dime a dozen. the guy next to me in the picture was not a shitty one though. but he was up the street from a shitty one.the shitty one was named hector, and i could tell he was gonna be a problem from the jump.
so what happen?? good fucking question.
what fucking happens is that hector fucking disapears.
abotu an hour or so before he was sposed to get picked up by me, i noticed he wasn't on his post, and waited and waited to no avail.
no hector. nowhere.
so i grabbed up his signwalking sign, and picked up all the rest of my guys on time, and drove to his spot with a car load of signwalkers to prove to everyone that i TRIED to find him.
one theory i have is that hector, pictured here, bought beer, got drunk, feel asleep, and eventually got picked up by either border patrol or the cops. both of wich there was a shit load of in hell centro. but who knows. signwalkers can be totally useless.
i just feel bad for the guy (sorta) cuz his ride left without him, and it's a lonnnnnnng walk back to orange county from there. yikes.
that will be 10.99, sir...i don't get the celebrity discount?
um well, we don't do that here. are you famous?
ohhh... you don't recognize me, i'm so embarrased. well i don't wanna make a big deal out if it.
well... tell me who you are, i wanna know...
ok... do you watch much daytime tv?
no
well i'm on the show that comes on after general hospital.
oh really?
it's a fact...
my sister loves soap operas
well send her my thanks....
can i get your autogragh for her?
how about that celebrity discount, hmmm?
no prob, it's on the house.
so who do i make this out to?
make it say, "to rhonda, last night was a real kicker" she'd love that...
sure thing...
Sunday, May 16
fuck man, my shoulders ache. i think i might be getting bursitis again.but thankfully it's the last day here.
me and kenneth could not find the stock car races to save our lives, wich is funny cuz el centro is the smallest podunk town ever EVER.
i keep doing boneheaded things. like losing the hotel keys every two seconds, or spending 20 minutes trying to get the dollar thingy to work on a soda machine.
yesterday since kenneth and i BOTH forgot topack ourselves any extra underwear, we went to target. we almost bought the sponge bob square pants pinata.
so we check out of this shit hole hotel in like an hour, and then no more computer access (or that's what they think)
cuz i'm stealing this key to their computer room, and since i am likely to get sent out here next week, i'll be able to blog my heart out. cuz u know i love that shit.
Saturday, May 15
this was the pic of our hotel from their website.
i wanna try and get them to use this one.
so kenneth cowan dot calm and i are doing ok here in el centro. it's coo.the town itself is pretty wacky, but i expected far worse. it's still on the mad max side of things though...
last night i drove away from the gas station with the gas pump still stuck inside my car. i ripped that shit straight outta there man, and got gasoline all over myself trying to sorta repair it. gasoline here costs no cheaper than $2.39/gallon, btw.
the signwalkers have been the usual pains in the asses. showing up too late mostly. but they're commuting here from orange county, like 3 hours away, so... i guess i should be thankful i don't have to hire the losers el centro has to offer.
me and kenneth are gonna go to a stock car race here in town after the laker game is over, and tomorrow before work, we might go into calexico, since our hotel is literally a 5 minute walk to the mexican border.
Thursday, May 13
dude. i did all the bank shit. and now i feel 100 times better.THAT was what was stressing me out.
le sighhhhhh.... this weekend is gonna be a cakewalk, my amigos.
i feel the butterflies in my stomach, and i don't know why.i'm overly prepared for my job this weekend in el centro, but for some reason... i got that damn jittery feeling.
it's prolly a good thing, cuz i'm like READY for shit to happen. for shit to not go right. and for me to be stressing out big time when that fucking happens.
i have 7 signwalkers already lined up, and ready to rock. so i only have to find 3 brand new ones (as of now)
you never really know how fucked you are until it's 15 minutes before you have to have 15 people on 15 different street corners....
and noone showed up for work that day...
but being the sign guys that we are, i know that i'm just being paranoid right now. i can do these sign jobs blindfolded. i'm like a Los Angeles Laker... it's gonna be a struggle, and there'll be obstacles, i don't have home court advantage, but somehow, someway... with teamwork, talent, and know how...
i'm gonna win it all baby.
besides, i think i'm just jittery cuz i have a BRAND NEW fucking skateboard. yes. that's right.
maybe you're a chance reader, or you only check in from time to time, but the bottom line is this: having a skateboard FINALLY, makes me so happy that my heart is going to explode.
now you know.
i fixed raymi's blog + i offered to fix tony's + i also made his way cooler looking.
and here is the current standing of the TO DO LIST
book hotel room for kenneth and i.
buy skateboard
get maps from AAA
secure a fat bag of some stinky death weed
and charge up the cellie with minutes galore.
ehhh.... good nuff.
Wednesday, May 12
HOLY SHIT YOU DUMBASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS FOR ME
i am now complete.
hey everyone, THIS WEED is sooo nice. unless your a cop or something, cuz then all i have to say is...
this is arregano.
can i make you mad? that's lame if i can.
cuz see... with me.... only *I* make me mad. or a better way to put it, only *i* choose when to be angry. cuz it's a choice. at least it's a choice for people with self control.
rage filled losers are so busy reacting to everything around them that they find upsetting, that they have no real action of their own.
i have heard the arguement that if you don't flip out and lose your temper, you are letting yourself be a door mat.
how are you a door mat for not letting people piss you off? that doesn't mean you have to get taken advantage of... i support sticking up for one's self. but getting pissed off is a "your problem" not a "their problem" cuz the odds are, they feel fucking fabulous!
how is that fair to yourself to let someone acting the fool actually bother YOU? i can't control anything but me, and imma make sure i feel fucking great.
insult me.
try and get one over on me
screw me over
be inconsiderate
it doesn't matter, cuz i'm not gonna get mad. sure i'll alienate you from my life, and definitely i'll get even, but you ain't gonna make me mad. cuz like a wise man once said about "making" someone feel a certain way, "i don't make monkeys, i just see one."
geli loves muscle 68+ RN + N-B-Lame
tony pierce is having blog issuse so here's the news you need to know:TSAR PLAY @ SPACELAND TONIGHT
9PM sharp.
i wanna go cuz tony said he'd buy me a beer. and tony told me that on AIM, and he only lies on his blog. so i might really get one if i go!!!!
i got this comment today:this probably doesn't even warrant comment, but...
first of all, Hallie Salassie was not a rastafarian, though rastafari grew largely in part of mythology surrounding him (another name for him is Ras Tafari)
second, for shit's sake, look at what rastafarianism did for jamacians & black people the world over! it was instrumental in changing black consciousness as to make it more race-affirming than race denying - no more wishing for lighter skin, no more straightening the hair, new vocabularies of empowerment... the religion did a fuck of a lot in the way of social change (as well as personal feelings of happiness & shit like that among rastafarians).
now, nothing against the band - i havent listened to them at all - but that view of religion is the simple sort of shit held by 14 year olds. i share a similar distaste for convention & institutions & all that - but if you look at it from the right angles, religion at its core is anarchist and anti-institutional
Anonymous | 05.12.04 - 2:07 pm | #
in regards to me posting song lyrics from some ska/punk band. that guy is a total idiot.
and for the record i still scream it loud and proud: FUCK RELIGION.
sweet. one full day in town, and this is how the to do list stands.things to do still:
book hotel room for kenneth and i.
buy skateboard
get maps from AAA
secure a fat bag of some stinky death weed
and charge up the cellie with minutes galore.
HE JUST CALLED!!!
lates.
waiting for my man to call me so i can hop in the truck and push the pedal to the metal all the way on over till i'm holding that fat sack of sticky stinky morsels of terror.because that's how i roll.
this last pull off the chonger was a cloud of resin smoke, and it wasn't even white smoke, it was like yellow, no... black... and i thought i was gonna barf from coughing so hard. but then i like stopped somehow. i'm gonna smoke the rest right now... hopefully the bars close soon, and my man don't find a girl to take home. cuz i need his attention for five seconds, or long enough to hide it for me by his car. that's it! 5 lousy seconds... ok i'm stalling on hitting this bong cuz...
well that last cougher was rough, dude. ok, i'll stop being a total pussy, wait here.
and oh shit, i'm now a sweaty mess from coughing my lungs to shreds. perfect time to light a smoke, eh? people trip out on my for smoking cigarettes in mid coughing fits, but... for me... it's the only thing to shut me up. calms my spazzomatic throat hysteria.
ok, so the guy just called, but i think it was a drunk call from the old pocket, considering i could hear nothing but loud bar sounds, and hombre didn't answer my call back.
i guess i could find another pipe or something to scrape...
either way i know me and kenneth are gonna have plenty for el centro this weekend. ROCK! .
Tuesday, May 11
i just ate el terasco, and now i feel all full and content, and i need more bud, but i don't have a super fast way to get sum, but i'll get it, regardless, and the lakers are on tonight, and it's a big deal to lotsa my friends, and and...
fuck you all
el centro is far man. but we're going.things to do still:
book hotel room for kenneth and i.
buy skateboard
get maps from AAA
secure a fat bag of some stinky death weed
and charge up the cellie with minutes galore.
ever been to el centro california? neither have i.
but that will change this weekend when i truck my ass out there to completely take the town over with my sleazy little plastic signs. cuz that's what i do best.
Mr. Cowan signed up for the trip (no pun intended). he said he needed a gettaway, and we's tight, so he's gonna come and share the hotel cost, and wander the streets of el centro aimlessly taking pictures and being a general town-nuisance while i job the signs.
we intend on doing more of the same when i'm available to kick it at night. i betcha you'll be able to find us at THE town bar.
anyways it's only till sunday night, and now that i got a hang out partner for after werk, i'm totally stoked. also i give up on getting fuckall for my birthday, and im just gonna go and get myself my damned skateboard.
yah so, the to do list for tomorrow... Get pay check, Cash Pay check, Buy new skate board, Cream my panties. in that order.
Johnny R + Kaz + smell of steve
Monday, May 10
colorado girl does it naked and all wet.
i dunno man. i just woke up today, went back to sleep, woke up sorta again, and now i'm like gonna stay awake, and maybe go try and take spy pictures of my friend's cuntbag boss.my facial hair feels longer than it's ever been.
and i just killed a spider on the wall with my bare palm, and i felt it crunch and pop, and it was kinda gross. but that's what it gets for entering onto my turf.
my psycho religious cousins all think i'm a strung out drug addict. kinda funny. i'm like, "yo, weed? weed's not even a drug, dumbasses." but they insist that i'm out of my mind, and need to find god. it's extremely annoying i must say.
i talk about how pot is so mild, and how hard drugs like speed, and shit EVEN BOOZE are worse than pot. but they say, "oh anti.... you're just splitting hairs..."
they don't understand because they are the ones who are out of their minds. they don't even have minds, they're like little brainless sheep. only a RETARD doesn't know that tweakers suck, tweakers steal, tweakers are fucking disgusting. fuck those fucking glassheads, but.... stoners? pot heads? dude, lay off, we're just annoying and perhaps we move too slow. we ain't no big whup, yo.
and who are they to talk? last time i checked over eating was a sin too. funny how i'm the only skinny one in the family. just my mom and i. and everyone else is a fatass, religious, OVER EATER, who think that their sins aren't as bad as YOUR sins so you're going to hell, and they're gonna play a harp for you in heaven. HAH!!!
see you in hell you self righteous, naive, judgemental, non-thinking little lemmings. cuz there IS NO hell, that's the real joke.
Sunday, May 9
so my sister told me that when we still lived in hollywood, and i was like 6 years old, her and i had a fight in the kitchen about... well she didn't remember what it was about. something stupid.but i guess the fight ended with me telling her that i was gonna kill her.
she said, "you can't kill me, anti, i'm bigger than you..."
so i replied, "oh yah? i'll kill you in your sleep."
so i find out all these years later that she took that shit to heart. she was scurred to sleep at night, and had nightmares about me ambushing her with a kitchen knife. she said she would think she was hearing me go downstairs for a knife and pop out of her room and there'd be nothing.
i just like to finding out they didn't think everything i ever said was total bullshit
even though it was.
yesterday these chicks told the viking that i looked so stoned that they could blind fold me with dental floss.man, fuckin fat girls always got some shit to say, don't they?? ya i called you fat, look at me i'm skinny.
i used to feel kinda bad that i showed up to my grandma's house so stoned out of my mind, on days like this (mother's day, easter, whutever). but now my philosophy is that they better love me as i am (wich is stoned), or leave me the fuck alone. and when i show up today, they better have their mouths shut, especially if they start in with the, "Anti, why don't you go to church with us next sunday...?" or any of that shit. cuz i ain't hearing that noise, nahmean?
they all secretly diss me at my grandma's hosue, cuz my sisters and i are the only non-christian's. we're like the black sheep. and shit... at least my sisters are married with children... they TRIP OUT on me though.
"where's your girlfriend?"
"why don't you quit smoking?"
"when are you gonna get a real job?"
"how's bout givin your truck a wash n wax?"
"you look so thin, eat something please!!!"
and my cousin's who are all psycho, and married, start in with their two cents too. they shut up when i say that i'm going to hell and that i'm goin with a smile on my face, and that i can't wait for the real war to begin. religious weirdos.
annoying ppl with my camera has been a new source of joy for me. perhaps that will work today.
LINK: Jay V used his real voice on this thing.
Saturday, May 8
so i got back from sittinjg in the sun at hsjarkeys, and we were drinking margaritsas, anmd now i wanna take a dip in my pool surrounded by palm trees, cuz it;s a lovely day here in so cal, and like, i'm a lucky mother fucker for being here., yes be jealous. i'd be,.and like happiness, and a drama free life are priceless, and people just don;t know how to do it. you just live yor shit by you rheart. were it on your sleeve, brother. cuz fuck anyone who ain;t down. fuck ppl that are gonna get hurt. fuck everyone.
this is my life.
my time.
my fifteen damn minites and imma use em up like the honorary beastie boy that i wish i was.
no i don't have a limo, ten million dollars, and all sorts of bitchs sucking my dick all night long, every day of the fucking week.
but i got me, and i make me proud, and on days liek this, drunk, and high, and happy, and thank the gods, (tho the gods musdt be crazy) and say, "fuck yah, i'me, and noone else is.... HAHAHAHAHAHAH suckers!!!!"
nuf fuckiung said.
LINK: raymi's still so funny.
i am goign to the beach today.not really, but extremely close to it.. for beers.
