Book Two: Smelling Strangers

language is a virus

Friday, May 21, 2004

 
I’m just going to write until I have seven pages. I hope it will not take too long because I do have to work in the morning – in 6 hours to be exact. I want to stop and smoke a bowl before I start but I am going to try and write as long as I can without smoking. I am not going to use any paragraphing or anything I am going to post this all at once and leave it up for like a week except I know that something will happen that I have to write about before then, because I have urges, impulses, needs to write to you. If I could write instantly everything I have ever composed in my head to write to you this would be the most amazing book you ever read but now that life has gotten on a schedule where excuse me but there are more important things than blogging I compose and compose and never get it down I had a beautiful story about masturbating on the picnic table in my front yard after having made out with fucker the last time I saw him about how the dark and the trees and the wind about how I was horny and unsatisfied about how my roomate came out and peed off the porch and never even saw me sitting there, legs spread just enough, staring at him. Him peeing did not turn me on, it did not turn me off either, it just startled me mostly, became a deer in headlights staring and a thread just came off the bottom of my favorite little outfit its a James bond kind of thing all one piece red velvet I’ve written about it before I have worn it to a party where I made out with a girl in the bathroom, in the book ,that chapter will be there that day, almost entirely unaltered. There will also be all the diary entries I wrote while I lived in Europe but never transcribed, never posted, as well as some from the American roadtrip afterward. Oh the tortured love, been thinking about the doctor lately, been thinking about how I was in love with him how things were crazy how things are crazy I taped a photo of us on the wall one taken in Onehorse when I saw him there. He called me on my birthday, sang to me “tantissimi auguri a ti” so sweet, yet I know he is a crazy jerk too. Then again, so am I lately, been a real crazy jerk and I think it is because I need to get laid! Have not had any sex in well what is twenty-two minus five? I’m not sure and don’t feel like looking for a calculator, that would be distracting, the only thing that will get me up from this table is weed or maybe water. Sex is so complicated here in new city and yes that is only because I made it that way but a gal has to have standards and I’ve always been picky about who I actually fuck and I don’t have anyone to make out with any more because I broke up with the fucker just tonight, just an hour ago or something. He seemed surprised and I was like, how can you be surprised? Here is the breakdown, in overly descriptive language to take up lots of room, because I have already explained this all before but right now we are going for quantity, do not assume that that signifies that quality is compromised because that isn’t the case my friend instead think outside that structure and realize that sometimes QUANTITY IS QUALITY but only sometimes, fortunately for all of us one of those times happens to be now and I really want to smoke but I am not even to one whole page yet writing in Microsoft word 97 that’s how old this computer is but it will work I can write all this and then copy and paste just like I used to at the corporate hell group but I was going to explain about fucker so lets do it. I liked him, I liked his emails before we met and I liked his profile and I liked his photo although I do not put much stock in photos anymore they won’t really make or break anything unless your expression is sort of scary or something which has happened and then I would not respond but anyway, I liked him. I stood him up on the first date but not really, I did show up, just a half hour late because I was still learning my way around town and although I knew where I was going I totally miscalculated the best way to get there and how long it would take and I was late, and I was mad at myself for being late and I drank my coffee shop iced hibiscus mint tea and then I went home and wrote him an email saying I was sorry but that I had my whole night reserved for him and did he still want to meet? But he did not write me back for a couple of days and then he did give me a second chance and we got together on 420 and I was high as a kite, walked over from the hippie bar where everyone was just smoking right out in the open on the back porch, smoking pipes blunts joints whatever (did you know that we are in prohibition?) so I was high and was nervous about being late so I got there first and got myself a whiskey to take the edge off and it was early so there were not many other people there but the view was cool or rather the setting was cool this shear cliff wall of white rock coming up as the back wall of the outdoor seating area and I looked cute and was sooooooooo high and then he came, 33 another scientist, his most proud accomplishment being designing and building his own energy efficient home, and he looked better and more relaxed than his picture, but not a dreamboat or anything lots of wrinkles around the sunken but malamute blue eyes and fuck if I can tell you what we talked about, just bullshit I guess, although on our second date he told me he liked that I never asked him what it was that he did for a living and I didn’t even realize that I didn’t even ask but I was so high and he bought me a whiskey so I had two and I was probably on some rampage about something that sounds important but is really just as much in depth analysis as you would get in an eighth grade book report just with fancier words, so that is my theory is that is what we talked about but I cannot be certain. So the thing is that he told me before hand that he would like to keep the date short, for whatever wacko reason and that should have tipped me off right away that we were not going to work out because in my opinion if you keep a date short when you don’t even know the person you are cutting off opportunity for things to lead somewhere awfully interesting but maybe that is just because I have had so many interesting dates and I highly doubt that fucker had ever encountered anyone who would explore her interests as readily as I do but back to the story so I had told Sha I would meet him back at the bar where we were all getting high and I asked fucker to give me a ride since it was a little further than I had thought it would be when I walked there and I was wearing heels and sidenote this was the same day that I was interviewed for the job that I did not get but that lead directly to the job I have, so fucker gave me a ride, I am trying to remember what sort of car he had because it was stylely a diesel something, one of those big boat cars, navy blue, anyway, good design, not a Lamborghini or anything, it was like a classic car and not a super shiny one just one with style so he gave me a ride and when he dropped me off and we were saying goodbye suddenly we were kissing and I really don’t know how that started, honestly it was very spontaneous because at that point I was not planning on kissing him but we kissed and it was good and I was the one who broke off the kiss because we were not even parked he had just stayed in the right hand lane without even his blinkers on to indicate that we were stopped and I cannot relax enough in a situation like that to really kiss someone properly so I said goodbye and got out of the car and walked back to the bar and had a happy little glow for a while and then smoked weed and was still happy and actually that same day – that was a monumental day now that I think about it, 420 was, I met a guy who is a radio DJ here and I am going to sit in on his show Sunday night and maybe I will be a DJ on his radio station, they have open time slots, its just a little pirate station but that would be so cool especially if it is pirate cuz I could play like the jello biafra election speeches or something, I met that guy (the radio guy) at the bar smoking weed. Yeah, that is how you meet quality people is when they hand you a pipe and on that note I am now over two pages only five more to go and I am going to go hit my pipe so let me save this real quick and I will be back I promise. Actually I did not smoke yet just went through everything I just wrote and fixed all the typos and did not edit at all though just made it so that the words were clear and now I will smoke actually I am going to go get my onnie, pack it and bring it right next to the computer, right in my front window where anyone on the street could see my silhouette doing something that I could go to jail for the rest of my life for and then we will finish the story of fucker but I am sure there will be even more to write about after that even that is just first item on the agenda because it is breaking news. Okay I took a long break and still have not smoked but got all set up turned on the window air conditioner and the fan and the gray album oh my god the fucking gray album – sometimes when I listen to it I get the same feeling I did when nevermind came out and that is no exaggeration my friend and before spark this up I would just like to share with you something a celebrity said in the issue of people magazine that is on my bathroom floor “I like ice cream and I like chocolate but I do not like chocolate ice cream.” Oh my like that is news, makes me ill but then again here I am writing seven pages about my little something but this is more in depth than my opinions on ice cream which I could discuss if I didn’t have to turn down the stereo a little and smoke this. Three hits later let me read back real quick and see where I left off, wow I did not even get to our second date yet, and now that feels boring because I am high and when I am high I tend to write real sparse, I think it was all the speed I did in onehorse that made metrosexual so frantic, did you know I have not done any speed since I left the country last year? This is why I never worry about my drug habits as they always ebb and flow. So then he called me, I forget how many days later while I was with Sha at his sister’s house in a city to the south, playing with her kids and grandkids and having a cookout and there was some a ringtailed cat wandering the neighborhood, limping, and we called animal services but they never came to get it and so we put a laundry basket over it so it would not run away until they came to come and rescue it but someone stole the basket and stole our basket when we were just trying to help a wounded animal people are savages I tell unforgiving bastards so this this life was going on all around me and I was full of it breathing it in and he called me while I was slicing onions for the cookout and asked to have dinner and a movie with him, he would cook. I said yes and was excited and even bought a new dress, which I ended up saving for my birthday because I did not want to be too fancy on the second date but I did wear a skirt and he never saw me without a skirt because I wore one everytime we got together I did that on purpose because somebody told me that boys like skirts and I liked this boy and wanted him to like me I don’t actually recall what I wore though oh wait, I wore a long blue skirt out of some heavy matierial with white pinstriping and a fold not a slit with a black sweater, short sleeve where everything from the shoulders up was this ruched see through net stuff and my hair in a high ponytail like madonna on that tour where she wore all the gautlier but my hair is not quite that long if your having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but the bitch ain’t one. That song totally interupted my brain I wish I could turn off this fucking auto correct it is driving me crazy does it not understand that I am writing incorrectly on purpose? This is an experiment you are part of it and word97 won’t cooperate so he asked and I agreed and was all giddy and shit and I found his house in advance and and got there early and he did not answer the door right away, and when he did respond to my querie of “hello?” through the darkened but opened kitchen window it was with, “be right there…” so I hung out outside and communed with the trees and you know what I hug trees all the time, but mostly I touch their leaves – you remember that ruthie? Do it once a day at least, it is springtime, there is such a variety of texture.we decided to eat outside and I chopped up the cucumbers for the salad and together brought everything out to the veranda and I couldn’t wait for the wine to be open but you know what, that’s okay, its okay that I need a drink it is not any worse for me than prozac and frankly it is cheaper and more readily available get that dirt off your shoulders ahh I just figured out how to turn off the auto correct that is good because I am not a touch typer I look at the keyboard but I also watch the screen out of the corner of my eye and I can see if the cursor makes any weird jumps so while that is happening if everything is being underlined green and red that makes it very hard to look at something out of the corner of my eye because it looks all jumpy and wavy so I don’t recall what we talked about at dinner either except that he gave me his business card and that is when he told me he was glad I did not ask him what he did for a living and here am I writing about him to an audience of I would guess 6 people and I wonder if he is sad, well so am I sad and hurt, and I realized while talking to the roomate I want to fuck that the reason I broke up with him instead of giving him the brushoff was so that when we ran into each other in the future (as will inevitably happen) it would not be awkward for me because I had made a clean break of things part of me wants him to call me right now and beg me back but you see he won’t and that is the problem he just never seemed that interested that passionate he couldn’t play it right but I’m getting ahead of myself here, so dinner. It was good, very good, I had seconds of the main course. Then we went to a movie, some sort of experimental documentary that leaned heavily toward one political persuasion (do you ever notice that this blog is a total sacred from politics area (except for female reproductive rights)) or the other but it was set to music and had no real narration so the format was intriguing but the message was tired, old and we both agreed on that change clothes lets go sexy sexy and then got a gelato and made out in the park and that is when I realized he had hair on the very edge of his ear, above the lobe, and it was just a few hairs, not anything bristley or fuzzy, and that was different, it never occurred to me that hair could grow there and I ran my tounge against the hairs without touching the flesh of his ear and he moaned, and I was having fun seducing him. We went back to his place and he brought out some music for me to flip through and I asked him if he smoked weed to which he responded “sometimes.” And I smoked him out with some kind bud in a onnie that has since broken, smashed on my kitchen tile, and we made out some more and he felt my tits and I wish he hadn’t, now, I really do wish that, even though it felt good at the time I wish I could take it back and have at least kept his hands outside of my shirt, oh but I let him feel the garters, I wanted him to know that, even though the plan was just to wear them and feel sexy and feel tension in knowing I had a sceret that he would not see but then I had to give a hint but as soon as he asked me, “are you wearing garters?” in a intrigued but sort of flat tone, that is when he should of attacked me, see! That is what makes an interesting night, if you are making out with a girl at your house and you discover she is wearing garters that girl wants it man! But no, he didn’t get it and I slipped easily out of his grasp four pages three thousand two hundred fifty six words and he tried to take off my boots but my feet were not prepared for an erotic encounter so I made him zip them back up and I left soon thereafter, walked over to my car, kissed goodnight for a long time sort of enjoyed not making plans just saying in a long sweet tone, “goodniiiiiiight fuckerrrrr.” While giggling to myself a little bit and then I went home and had sex with my cell phone hearing the buttons beep while I came and it has not really worked right since then, when I want to write a text message I cannot scroll down and then I went to coachella and talked about him the whole time – not nonstop mind you, just when we were talking about dating, and not as any superstar, just as the guy I was dating, whom I liked so that was THE BEST VACATION EVER and by the way tony if the cubs win the world series this year I have a five way date in vegas and I know something heavy will go down so I hoping with every fiber of my clitoris that they take it all the way and my buzzz is totally gone although the colors in this room seem weird so I am going to smoke some more and maybe turn the lights down or up? Which do you think? If I turn them down maybe it will be bad for my eyes but if I turn them up I will tripout, I will try down first, yeah that is better I have not exhaled yet ouch we are in rightexactlynow people I love when that happens and hold on so I can take another hit so have not exhaled this one either, still holding and before I went to coachella I called to let him know I was going out of town exhale could have gone maybe a little longer actually but my fingers wrote it and then I did it and we talked for I think seven minutes and when I got back I sent him a one line email that said back in town wanna hang out? And he called me was it that night or the next and said what are you doing right now? And I said it is Saturday night I am out with my friends at this bar watching a rad live hip hop show support your local scene and actually we are in the back of the bar smoking a joint what are you doing? And he wanted me to go somewhere I don’t remember where but of course I didn’t go but because I was a little drunk I kept saying over and over again, “but I am very happy that you called” and I cannot recall if he called me once more before I took him up on it or if I went out the next time, but I was at home, cooking for my boss, and I dropped everything I mean not literally I put some stuff I the freezer so I could put it in the oven later and then I changed into something cute a off the shoulder bright orange t shirt, actually, with a corporate logo on it, and a iridescent jean skirt and I rode over to that same coffee shop where I stood him up but not on purpose and when I got there he was talking on the cell phone so I signaled that I was going to get a drink and then I had a funny conversation with this guy in line because he was dancing so much and I was like guy? Do you really think you need more coffee and he said, “no, I know I don’t need it but I want it I want to keep it going.” And I said, “ I can respect that.” Because I can respect pretty much any decision you make that does not affect or effect me and I went back outside and he waved something at me, a drawing I made for him, kept in his notebook and I sat down and it was a little weird but I started to tease him and before long I was pressing my knee against his under the guise of his having to reveal some personal information to me a middle name or some such nonsense and then all of the sudden he said, “well Bunnie, I have to go.” And I was like, what? Huh? Go where? He said “downtown, to meet someone.” And I knew exactly what he was doing because I had done it before and I was a little put out, and I told him, because I am trying to be real open in my relationships, and he sort of shrugged it off, put his hand on my shoulder, but kept his body at a distance and I looked at him, waiting for him to make a move to kiss me but there was no move, and as I turned to get on my bicycle I said, “I don’t understand you, fucker.” And I didn’t even think about it I just said it because I was truly confused by his actions – I was prepared to be convinced to spend the night with him – not to fuck , but just to sleep in his bed, hand somewhere warm, I was ready to be convinced of that and to subtly signal to him that that was what I wanted and he looked right past it to the girl he was meeting the next night I know because I saw them after I left the bar where I had a great time with the sticky girl who I am going to have a mad make out session with next week and who is going to break my heart I just know it I saw him there, with her, whoever she was, I am sure someone perfectly lovely, I have nothing against her or him, I’m dating other people, he is certainly free to as well, but that does not mean it was not weird to see them there and I did have to walk past them once because it was the only way to the bathroom and niki said, “well he must have seen you there if you walked past him how could he miss you I know you were wearing something bright” and indeed I was and indeed I always am but I really think he was just oblivious and that’s no good, and it is almost 1 am and I have to be to work in 5 hours but I have to stop and change the cd and I will not stop writing until I have seven pages because I am so close and it would be dumb to end it now but allow me a quick respite to stretch my fingers if i could barter and trade i would ask from you not money for my tales but massage, just rub me where I hurt right now it is my fingers, the spot just underneath left axis a right throb lower back and there is itch all along the ankles yucko, and you could always suck my toes too if you like, nigel did and god did it get me hot, that man made me come so much, y can’t ya won’t and ya don’t sto-op oh so I went home, in a vague state of shock, put on a nightie put my boss's food in the oven and did a pen and colored pencil sketch of the view outside of my apartment in europe in my sketchbook while her dinner baked and so did I and then I went to my bed and fell asleep during the ringmiddleindex and I was salty about it, but I did not want to give up on someone I was really interested in after just one bad date, he had given me a second chance so I wrote him an email and now this is key people invited him to my birthday party and then that Friday I was debating about whether to go to this concert and was kind of stalling and he called and invited me to a party, and during our little phone conversation something came up about sharing him and I said, “well you know how I feel about that” and he said, “no how do you feel about that” and I said, “well I will tell you, I feel that if I am to share my time with you and give you my full attention than you should do the same.” Then he said well we were going to a party and I said okay well be in party mode I can deal anyway I am weak and I wanted to see him because I wanted it to work and so I got all cute in a little short striped dress the same one I was wearing on a different night when I kissed a girl in the bathroom how weird but this was not as much making out as like a kiss like an exclamation point and that same night I got drunk with the hotlesbianroomate yeah, back in onehorse, party days and I rode my bike over there and he was waiting for me smoking ciggarettes and eating pizza at a table outside his house and I sat down across from him but wanted to be closer but the pizza was between us and I did not want any but I had had lots of adventures so I had lots to say opinions were like kisses I was giving them away and then we tried to replicate an experiment (entirely nonsexual) that I did with the doctor but he grew weary of it and threw it entirely into the fire – or perhaps the act was out of exubberation, either makes no difference now, and then we went to his neighbor’s home and hung out and smoked dope and played drinking games – a dice game which I had previously encountered in the form of cards, one that never ended and soon I found myself pretending to drink from a bottle long empty and outside, we shared a ciggarette, which I think is so sexy, not to smoke outside together, but to share a ciggarette seven pages fourthousand ninehundred and ninty words and that is when I made my move, slipping my hand into his and that is what I am going to miss because I liked making out with him but he is a jerk and then I thought back to that so long ago where this whole thing started do you recall where and how it was with my hands and my belief that I could make love to another man with my hands and that is what I tried to do with fucker except it was just one jand because there were other people outside smoking too but eventually they went inside and I used that hand to pull him into my mouth and we kissed as they shouted for us to come inside and we kissed until they came outside and got us saying, “you guys you’re missing out!” to which I quipped, “Wanna bet?” but then we went inside and there was some sort of horrid pop music ritual which I refuse to relive or give historical fame to by describing here and when it was part way done I said to fucker, “wanna hit it?” and he nodded so after the ritual I announced “ well I know Friday night does not get any better than that, so we gotta bounce, peace.” And then we bounced out to his porch where we made out some more and he asked me if I wanted to come inside and I said “I want to, but I am not going to.” And he got my bicycle out of his house and walked me to the corner and then stood so he was facing my bicycle seat, which I then got on and we made out some more, me attacking as he pulled away at the last, not wanting to go. And my birthday came and went and I heard not a peep from him. Sticky Girl came to my birthday. Sha came to my birthday. My beloved roomates came to my birthday. Then on Monday, he called me, left a message that said, “ hi this is fucker, just trying to get friendly.” And I was like, wait, though, what about hope you had a good birthday?” so I didn’t call him back, and then, since I am trying to be very open in my relationships, I wrote him an email, this email was lighthearted in tone, but ended with my saying exactly this, “I know that we have not been dating for long so I was not expecting anything extravagant, but it would have been nice to hear from you on my birthday.” Oh but I forgot to mention that when I was making out with him I was thinking to myself over and over you like me better than that other girl don’t you I know you do, does she kiss you like this I know she can’t. so the next email I get from him, two days later mind you, is a forward of some film festival and it says, b, looks interesting, I will be out of town though and that is when I deleted all the emails he had sent me and removed him from my contact list so I would not know if he wrote to me. And then the next day I got an email from him that said, “I’ve dissappointed you twice already, usually it takes months to dissappoint someone. Don’t you think we are moving too fast?” and that is all it said and that is when I deleted him from my phone and pouted all day about him and that was yesterday and I just wanted to chew him out yesterday but instead when he called because he heard me, he heard my fury through the ether even if it was misinterpreted as desire, so he called but sha had my phone and I got so pissed because sha hung up on him and I had been waiting all day to bitch at him I’ve got 99 problems but the bitch aint one thats how long I’ve been writing for is that the other cd played and we are back to that and I took all the anger that I had been building up at fucker and hit sha on the leg with it because I have yet to learn that violence is not the answer it is usually my first resort, but then shit my roomate is home and he is going to kill the mood I’m at seven pages bye.
8:56 PM

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

 
thisisboringyes


ready
to
shake
things
up
in
this
room?


have
we
acheived
tabla
rasa?
11:52 PM

 
his name is fucker
for many reasons
he is certainly less
of a fucker
than many from the past
but he is the only fucker
right now

he is fucker
because
see him out with another girl
not as pretty as me
but there they
holding hands
the night after
dropped everything to meet him out
at his last minute call
(my mistake, admittedly)
and did not get a kiss

he is fucker
because
gave him another chance
and while making out
fucker whispers
in my ear
"you are sending chills down my spine"
then forgets my birthday
or perhaps
ignores
calls me the next day
leaves a message
"hi bunnie
this is fucker
just trying to get friendly
call me back"

he is fucker
because
should not be waisting my time
should call him up and chew him out
or not even
not worth it
should write him a
dear fucker email
but instead
hope he will call

fucker.
12:25 PM

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

 
tuesday
took me a day to recover
took a day off from everything
hung out with sha
smoke
smoke
smoke
took the bus down to the strip
eat
drink
smoke
decided a bloody mary would be better for me than a cup of coffee
oh yeah
stopped at the goodwill
bought $10 worth of records
at $0.99 cents each

this blog
right now
is sorbet
you see

am editing
the past
for presentation
to the future
needed a break
from the intensity

this blog
right now
is a sorbet
you see

have established
harsh rules
on my writing style
have eliminated
yoismo
at least
in the form of its most common physical indicator

yes tony forgot my birthday
but am not mad
my brother forgot
thought my dad forgot too
but turns out he was in the hospital
don't worry
he is okay
but it is the first time in my life that my dad has been to the hospital
and that scares me a little
it took so long
for us to know each other
but now
there is love there
and he should live forever

might just fall in love with the sticky girl
and that scares me a little
she is so cool
came out to the club
met my friends
everybody got along
held hands underneath the table

but

the alabama slammer our so beautiful waitress bought me
sent me over the edge
and do not recall
at all
anything after that point

like drinking
but blacking out is
so
uncool



11:13 AM

Monday, May 17, 2004

 
weekend in review

no idea how got home last night
still feel drunk or something
don't recall at all the latter half of my birthday
woke up still in my party dress
know
hardly anybody showed up
of course tony forgot again
that is very sad
friday went over to fucker's house
am weak
just hung out
went to his tenant's
got high
made out on the porch swing
then left there
made out on my bicycle
my ass half on the seat
half on his hands
he asked me inside
refused
being
picky
slow
besides
think should accuse him of forgetting my birthday
but really am not sure if he was there or not
how did i get home?
this is rather perplexing
but some people came
sha
my roomates
peaches
the band played a jazz version of happy birthday for me
so the night was not bad
but really really wonder
what actually happened

7:27 AM

Friday, May 14, 2004

 
can recall
exactly
the feelings
of one year ago
because they were written down
in the deepest detail
and that helps
to know
that it was just almost the same
even if circumstances
were largely different
Niki reminded me that
have had more relationships in the last year
than any one person has the right to
and hence
should not concern myself
with he who did not even last long enough to get an acronym
fucker
hate the brush off more than anything
fucker
am writing write now to avoid smoking weed
which will happen soon
but am putting it off because the supply
is
way
way
low
and this fills me with more dread
than the fact that my boss's credit card is totally gone
and suspect that sha stole it
and that sucks that
even could suspect him
but logically....
fucker
don't know though
have not laid blame yet
mostly because
the supply is low
and he is the only person
who can get me more
once the coffers are full
is the time for accusation
not
one
toke
before
5:39 PM

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

 
always go through a couple before can find a good one right?
fuckin a
wish there was some alcohol in this house
was out tonight
after my very nice date with kitty
really like her
despite the fact that she is an aries
really
really
like her
and saw him
my bad third date from yesterday
out with another girl
and it fired rage
granted
the hormones are ragin
and
was out myself with someone else earlier
but
thinking about things a little different
trying to
value
myself
and don't like to share
his loss
whatev
ran into my bosses roomate today
the one that does not yet know he is going to mexico with me
and woke him up
accidentely
shoes squeaky from the rain
happy to see me
and invited him to my birthday
just hanging out at my so far favorite jazz bar
and telling whoever cares to
to show up
and buy me a drink
sha will drive me home
or take a cab
will freely admit that should be sha's girl
spend all my time with him
but
there are a few mitigating factors
just
don't
find
him
attractive
is that wrong?
feeling a little salty right now about my night
although it was more nice than sour
it is always the last flavour that sticks
eh?

10:31 PM