Publish or Perish: The Unlikely Dispatches of Graeme S. Marshall, Journalist-at-large.

Dear Graeme:

"I haven't responded like this to

other applicants, but are you serious? This is an important

job on our staff. A little advice:

Don't apply for a job with a letter

like this."

Mike Koehler

Deputy Sports Editor

The Oklahoman

(Read original letter)

'Graeme S. Marshall' does not exist. We made him up when, frustrated at garnering no replies to our own story proposals as freelance writers, we decided to pitch nonsensical story ideas and apply for jobs boasting wildly bogus and inappropriate credentials. Using the 'Graeme S. Marshall' moniker, we e-mailed dozens of editors at every level of the profession, in the hope that we could somehow stir them out of that special sleep that only a steady stream of coffee in the bloodstream brings.

Graeme writes to... (Click on quote for full letter)

The Knight Wallace Fellowship Foundation: "As far as academic credentials, I have none. However I stand alone as a purveyor of the kind of journalism that makes grown men weep and young, sun-washed girls go weak in the knees."

Fuse Magazine: "Unless you were not a functioning, speaking person during the 1970¹s or were part of the SUNY religious cult, you will remember, with pleasure, my catchphrase: 'Hey you fuckin¹ animal!'."

Western RV News and Recreation: "The product review (circa 4000 words) will be centered around my very own Albatross, 'The White Knight,' which has taken the Marshall family up and down the eastern seaboard, garnering inquisitive looks, excited responses from RV enthusiasts of all stripes, and lewd offers from the wives of men with lesser units."

The New Yorker: "Oh, my first trip to New York City. I can still recall the heady malt liquor smell of the hobo who tried to rustle my morning bagel away from me..."

Sandpoint Idaho County Bee: "I propose an investigative piece into this topic, one that I’m sure would be of interest to your readers, as more than half of the world’s population is made up of women."

Skyscraper Magazine: "He and drummer Trevor French, anchor a rhythm section that is tighter than a nun’s buttocks."

ABOUT THE BOOK:

The compiled correspondence of Graeme S. Marshall, both our original submissions and the sometimes accepting, sometimes negative, mostly baffled responses of editors, comprises our book: "Publish or Perish: The Unlikely Dispatches of Graeme S. Marshall, Journalist-at-Large." The book is currently in development.

themarshallpitch.com will serve as the touchstone for alternating samples of Marshall's work - including a new Marshall dispatch every Monday - other publications being graced by brother Graeme and any other news related to this champion of finer people everywhere.

Contact The Authors: editor@themarshallpitch.com