The sissy little sibling of www.Timecube.com

TIM: There he is!
ARTHUR: Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit!
ARTHUR: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul,
cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's
a killer!

Oh, well. Timecube seems to have died.

uuuhhh huh...
/had to send the link to my wiccan high priest. he'd get a kick out of it.

Timecube will never die, heretic!

I think I lost about 50 IQ points trying to read that page. Though, to be fair, I suppose it could be from the booze............

I see kittens, mentions of bunnies, and Xtians on that poage- ok..which farkers homepage is this?

Sorry KenShappy,

Fark declared it "unfetchable" and how could I doubt Fark???

um.....uh....Shabby

/off to bed

WTF...tell me this is a joke, right? Or at least tell me it was written by a ten year old girl, just not Wiccans

Wow, that was, uhh, wow.

http://www.whywiccanssuck.com

It's a joke, folks. Thems who made der web page wuz playin'. In any case, the above link is worth a couple of reads.

Hi! On behalf of the MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW group

We believe that you can't hurt anything, because the rede says so! So we don't eat animals, because animals are people TOO!


Nice name for the group, just rolls off the tongue.

Secondly, to believe some the stuff these guys say you probably have to be dropping acid HEAVILY.

Gah...

Listen up brothers and sisters come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppression, served on our tables each night
This killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, coleslaw's a fascist regime
Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cause a radish can't scream

So sugary a diabetic could have a bad time reading that page.

Need more Believibility potion.
/Jack-N-Coke

Fluffy Bunny?

"Any of you farkin' pricks move and I'll execute every one of you motherfarkers!"

That was Honey Bunny.

Isn't Fluffy Bunny a low-grade hacker?

Kind of reminds me of the site with the kid that loved ninjas with all of his body (including his pee pee.)

Dirtydan
real ultimate power

Animals are people too -- where is Melanie Safka when you need her?

[7. Aren't Xtians just sooo totally sucky?]

And the next time you folks on the left wonder why none of us on the right can take you seriously, re-read this page.

"and we love everyone, except the mean people who disagree with us. But we love them anyway!! Even though they're mean!!! "

Huh????

What in the name of God was that?

The scary thing is, it might have been humor, but I KNOW wiccans like that.

"Weaver95
[7. Aren't Xtians just sooo totally sucky?]
And the next time you folks on the left wonder why none of us on the right can take you seriously, re-read this page."


heh heh. Too right. I have been called a Xtian for years. As well as token xtian of the group, etc. My sister-in-law is wiccan. It seems a lot of them come across me, for some reason. I guess I am palatable enough for them.

SIgh.

I just gave it a second read and it still doesn't make much sense. Maybe I'm not drunk enough yet.

Oh please, this site is nowhere near as cool out as timecube. The Timecube guy is clearly some honest to God paranoid schizeophrenic with thousands of newspaper clipping stapled to his walls, who writes hundred page long manifestoes that make no sense. That guy made Crazy his biatch.

This wicca site is probably just some 14 year old hippie girl who likes unicorns.

umm... cool out? I meant just "cool". Not that the previous post makes all that much sense anyway.

"Weaver95
[7. Aren't Xtians just sooo totally sucky?]
And the next time you folks on the left wonder why none of us on the right can take you seriously, re-read this page."

The page is a joke, and how stupid do you have to be to think that this would represent the left. And why the hell did you have to bring up politics, anyway?

Although, I'm also stupid, because I should have used a question mark. God, I hate when people do that.

Hey where can I apply! I want some of what they's smokin tooooo!

You know, I've met some bizzare Wiccans, but this is about a thousand times worse.

VERY OBVIOUS PARODY.

Please accept that and move on.

due to the boobies link a few posts back, those two kittens are now dead. sorry wiccans that need familiars.

my head asplode.

What kind of a damn cult is this?

What would their rituals entail? Tickling the sacrifice to summon a cute kitten (from the darkest corners of the universe)?

What can they do to their enemies? Hug them?

This is a disgrace to cults everywhere. Followers of Cthulhu, I implore you: drive these heathens to madness.

Should any of them escape your grasp through suicide, feel free to give me their bodies. Yog-Sothoth holds the key to torture even those who thought they'd be safe in death...

Pfft! Everyone knows Buffy's not on the WB!

/geekette

i hate to break it to the submitter but buffy isn't on the wb anymore, in fact it's over entirely. just thought i'd enlighten you all on that fact even though it really has nothing to do with the page.

Anyone else play 40k here? Because I feel the Ordo Hereticus is badly needed to purge this particular website...

/Warhammer 40k geek. Non-40k-ers can ignore this post.

Buffy: No actual witches in your witch group?
Willow: No. Bunch of wanna blessed be's. Nowadays every girl with a henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones.

- BtVS, "Hush"

Every young girl has to go through a Wicca phase, just like every young guy has to go through a Metallica phase.

Their both equally preposterous.

their = they're

Just for those folks who don't get it, even though it has been repeated in the comments several times...IT'S A JOKE! Geez....

And Buffy is in re-runs all over the place, including the WB.

Yah, it's a joke. I can't quite equate it with the Landover Baptist parody for Christians, but it's definitely a joke. Fluffy Bunny is a term a lot of pagans will use for 'wiccans' that get their rituals and ideas from 'The Craft' and 'Buffy'. Y'know, the sort who'll use a dixie cup as a chalice.

Sometimes they grow out of it. Otherwise they turn into the pagan equivalent of 'Christians' that don't actually read the Bible, they just buy a crapload of angel toys.

Ok, I just had a 6-pack, it still isn't making any damned sense!

All I can see is:

"Hi! On behalf of the MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW group"

Can you see ANYONE rattling off this ridiculously long acronym without any written assistance?

"But you look like a really NEAT person! You just might be PERFECT to join our group!"

How do they know this? Clairvoyance? Hey fellas, we all don't have a webcam, how the hell do you know what we look like?

"and everyone lived in peace and harmony eating only fruits and berries and frolicking merrrily through the summer fields."

And we all run naked through the forest singing "This Land is Your Land." Cripes, I think that someone has been watching the Smurfs too much and taking it too much to heart.

"We're a loving, accepting group of Eclectic Wiccans who worship the LIGHT!"

"If you answer no to any of these questions, maybe we're not right for you, but that's okay...when you stop being a regular human and maybe get reborn as a Witch like us ('cause see we were all born with all these powers because we were chosen and that's why we're all together because only special Natural Witches like us can have covens) we'll let you try again."

So much for being an accepting group.

I thought I have seen it all, but this wiccan page almost makes me want to fart kittens and rainbows, instead of the regular brocolli and partially digested chili (fumes galore).

Stay tuned this is really funny:

"And it was first written by my first incarnation in that one ancient place thingy in that cool swirly language."

ANCIENT PLACE THINGY? COOL SWIRLY LANGUAGE? Way to go! Way to express your knowledge of the subject. One would think that someone of this, well.... CULT... would come up with somewhat better descriptive terms than that.

I'm not afraid to express my opinion. My God is watching over me.

/Wacky religions suck

"We believe that you can't hurt anything, because the rede says so! So we don't eat animals, because animals are people TOO!"
So I guess plants, insects and microbes just don't cut it? Hey, if you're not gonna eat something because you have to kill it THEN DON'T EAT!!! And quit pissing in the gene pool.

Today on Fark.com - People who take things too seriously, those who point out the obvious, and those who mock them from the safety of their room.

Tomorrow: Cliches - Gods of the Future or Plaguebearing critters from the Past?
Also: Grammar Rangers - the Cult of Kiddies who chant "Don't legalize it, criticise it!"

Stay tuned for more of the same, yet slightly different...

A psycho chick is a psycho chick, whether she watches Buffy, downloads obscure anime videos 24/7 or writes endless, horribly boring Harry Potter fan fiction stories. I've learned to avoid them like the black death.

I beg from the bottom of my heart: DOn't let a hobby define your personality. When someone expresses less than avid interest in your hobbies, it is not grounds to attack them verbally or physically.

Or to stop putting out.

Ha....

Aren't Bunnies Cute?



...She'd beg to differ.

/Buffy Geek

Why oh why did Anya have to die!?

Andrew was pointless in season 7.

/angry this page had nothing to do with buffy.

Wow, it's amazing how many people didn't get the joke here.

Especially Weaver95, who was not only too dense to get the joke, but also took the opportunity to blast "liberals" for no particular reason. Nice trolling, but we've had more than enough flamewars lately.

Grow a sense of humor, assclowns.

Everything on the internet is TRUE. None of it is satire! Jesus Christ HeartBurnKid you are the one who needs to catch a clue!!!!111!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

What. the fark.

hillary....who said

"Animals are people too -- where is Melanie Safka when you need her?"

She is still around, still doing concerts...small ones at clubs...and still recording. She sings as beautifully as ever and is frequently joined by her kid, who is also a singer/musician when doing shows.

This is pretty old. I've had both that one and Landover Baptist bookmarked for years. People on the extremes at both ends do a good job of turning religion into a joke...

[Anyone else play 40k here? Because I feel the Ordo Hereticus is badly needed to purge this particular website...]

nope, sorry - I play Ordo Malleus. I'll save the Grey Knights for the upcoming Hogwarts purge. An obvious coven of dangerious heretical psykers badly in need of exterminatus!


HeartBurnKid - still working on those terrible reading comprehension skills I see. Keep trucking little camper - soon you'll be reading at a 5th grade level! Then maybe you can play with the big kids!

IT'S A FARKING PARODY!

And to think I actually had more respect for you farkers than that. Learn to read and chuckle instead of blindly grabbing on to everything you can use as flimsy ammunition.

To those criticizing those who seem to take this seriously well I'm criticizing you because they are doing it just for fun which this site is about and now you can criticize me for criticizing the criticizers because maybe they are doing that also just for fun.

[7. Aren't Xtians just sooo totally sucky?]

And the next time you folks on the left wonder why none of us on the right can take you seriously, re-read this page.



For those on the left if you ever need to be reminded why you don't take the right seriously, re-read this post.

I really like Andrew. He's got comedic timing. He had a couple of guest spots in Angel season 5 and Joss left him living it up in Rome with a hot Italiana (both taller than he) on each arm..

I think Joss really likes Andrew too

[7. Aren't Xtians just sooo totally sucky?]

And the next time you folks on the left wonder why none of us on the right can take you seriously, re-read this page.

I only got a mild chuckle out of the fluffy bunny thing, but this comment made reading it worthwhile. Pure comedic genius!

It's about as believable as any bible (or torah or koran or ...) I've ever seen. Where do I sign up?

I know that page is a parody, but I've actually met some so-called "wiccans" who are a lot like that. And wanted to sacrifice them in a bloody, messy fashion. Because the idiots who really *are* like that give the rest of us a bad rap, simply due to their stupidity.

2004-06-12 09:52:53 AM Seneca Doane

Great post.

/another Buffy Geek

FalseEyedDio
IT'S A FARKING PARODY!

Umm, and "Wicca" and all these "New Age" groups aren't?

When they start ripping hearts out of victims on sacrificial altars again, maybe then I'll take these so-called "pagans" seriously. Until then, they're not a religion--they're a LARP.

Angel Headed Hipster: That's an interesting link. The only real problem is that "wicca" or "wiccan" has really become the common term for paganism as a religion, just because it's an easier way to classify a generic belief system into one name. So while most of the points are true, they aren't necessarily true in all cases where someone is talking about "wiccans" or witchcraft. Lots of people who talk about being a Wiccan need a wake-up call like that. But, anybody really bashing on it needs to decide if they're talking about paganism, neo-paganism, or just specifically Gardnerian happy-go-lucky vegetarian cultists like this guy :)

I'm a proud pagan, but like most who seem to be really serious and sane about it I keep it to myself. This link unfortunately isn't too far off of how half of the community is, and is dead on on why it's not taken seriously for the most part.

dear. gods. no.

I...I just can't even come up with something spiffy to say. I do have to agree with AtomicPenguin, however. I'm Asatruar (www.asatru.org for reference). Having been to several gatherings and having known people in the community...it's a totally different world, and pagans like those who created that page really give a bad name to those of us out here who are serious about not only real, historical beliefs and traditions, but in being faithful to the traditional ways based around the religion we are honoring.

ANyway, I'm going to bed. Stupid headache. And to the poster: Gee, thanks. I needed that sugar rush. heh.

This is not a joke.
To qualify as a joke, something has to have at least a trace of humor contained within.
There is absolutely no humor in this post.

cardinarky

I could tell.