Wonkette

JUN

Gipperporn: An Antidote

Fuck shopping, let's drink.

Ronnie! The Reagan State Funeral Drinking Game [The Stranger]

Gipperporn: Like the Oscars, But Boringer

war_criminals_get_in_for_half_price We totally meant to get over to Nordstrom's when it opened, but we're transfixed (as usual) by the commentary of Lester Holt and Chris Matthews, the Joan and Melissa Rivers of Reagan coverage:

LESTER HOLT: There's Henry Kissinger. . . Walter Mondale. . . And there's David Souter, the quiet judge
CHRIS MATTHEWS: He was mugged recently, that was strange. . .
LESTER HOLT: . . . and that looks like Antonin Scalia, just to the right of the screen.*

We think he's wearing Badgley Mischka.

They are, of course, running out of famous-for-D.C. types quickly. We recommend a tactic that's always worked for us: Making shit up.

HOLT: There's Dick Thornburgh and his third wife. . .
MATTHEWS: Lyle Hossenfeffer, was, of course, the undersecretary for agriculture during Reagan's second term.
HOLT: And here's Mrs. Reagan's assistant to the associate director of etiquette.
MATTHEWS: Yes, Lester, I believe he was in charge of flatware.

*Quotes are about as accurate as they can be considering I'm only on my second cup of coffee and still in my pajamas and the office TV doesn't have Tivo.

[AP Photo/Susan Walsh]

Wonkette Housekeeping: Coverage Schedule

Today will be a half-day here at Wonkette. In honor of the national day of mourning, we're going shopping. Reagan would have wanted it that way.

UPDATE:

CHRIS MATTHEWS: "I think a lot federal employees are at home watching this on television."

Riiiiight.

JUN

Political Correction: The White Man's Burden

what_would_reagan_do We received a note in response to our Village People-themed caption that accompanied a picture of a Native American paying his respects to Our Fallen Leader:

I’m all for equal opportunity criticism, but this kind of comment is all Indians get in the media (even the supposedly enlightened and all-inclusive blogosphere). The man in the picture is a veteran and a representative of his tribal government. Indians get screwed by the media and the government every day; we at least deserve some respect when we act in our traditional ways to honor the leaders of our country.

This is an excellent point. At least that guy (who is a Sioux, not a Village Person) dressed up for the occasion. Most of the people there to view the casket are in shorts and flip-flops -- maybe they're Kerry supporters or something, but if we ran the Capitol, we'd be handing out jackets and ties and turning people away if they had a visible panty line. And, you know, putting a flag on an article of clothing doesn't make "nice." Sheesh. At least they seem to have left their beer helmet hats at home.

[AP Photo/Elise Amendola, AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta]

Gipperporn: Who Said He Wasn't Beloved by the Gays? [Wonkette]


		· Warning: Puerto Ricans Incoming · More on Imus on Charles · Nicky Hilton's Body-Painting Photos? Yup: Fake · NYT Writer Releases the Hounds · Gossip Roundup: Don Imus On Ray Charles

JUN

Thursdays with Tina: This Column Took Me About 15 Minutes Edition #

Wonkette's weekly service to our readers: Translating Tina Brown's Thursday column in the Washington Post. We understand it so that you don't have to.

Tina says	Tina means
One of Ronald Reagan's unsung achievements is that he saved Vanity Fair.	I am completely high.
By March 1985, I had been editor in chief for a year, but [it]. . . was still in the throes of a severe identity crisis. . . Hoping for a deus ex machina, we got a president ex machina.	The world revolves around me.
At 6 p.m. March 20, 1985, I showed up at the White House with Harry Benson, the excitable Scottish photographer with toilet-brush hair who talks so much and works so fast he has managed to get six presidents to give up human moments of syndication gold for his camera.	Elaborate but nonsensical metaphors will help stretch out this slim anecdote to fill an entire column.
"I love this song, honey," she said. "Let's dance." Her co-star replied with a line that might have been written for any number of vintage B movies: "We can't keep the president of Argentina waiting, Nancy."	It surprises even me how easily I am impressed by celebrity.
The Reagans' moment of gaiety on the cover was a kiss of life for Vanity Fair. Coming when America was emerging from a long recession, the dancing presidential couple seemed to epitomize the buoyancy of American expectation. Reagan's theatricality always resonated that way. It was an instinctive collusion between imagery and national mood.	I would make an excellent minister of propaganda.

[more...]

Wonkette Housekeeping: You Are Getting Very, Very Sleepy #

ommmmm We apologize for the light posting today. We tuned into the C-SPAN feed of Reagan lying in state, with the slow, muted shuffle of feet, the overhead view of the spiral of people circling the coffin. . . suddenly it was three hours later and we couldn't remember a thing. And we aren't addicted to cigarettes anymore.

Ronald Reagan Lying in State [C-SPAN.org]

G8 Summit or Paradise Island 3: Heads of State #

pretty_short_for_a_stormtrooper The NYT reports on the superpower soiree that ended yesterday, at which pool reporters "luxuriated in their own seven-bedroom house, fully equipped with a formal library, a sunroom with a jukebox, and true to their duty" -- painfully obvious pun alert -- "a small pool." Add some golf carts and liquor it's time to just toss the room keys in a hat and see what happens, no? Some people apparently couldn't even wait that long. Andy Card, the White House chief of staff, was seen at the White House press room on Sea Island, "giving shoulder and neck massages to reporters." You know how that's going to end: In a tangle of security credentials and limbs, and echoes of "I'm the leak, punish me!" floating down to the beach.

World Leaders Get a Glimpse of America's High Life [NYT]

Gipperporn: Who Said He Wasn't Beloved by the Gays? #

shed_but_a_single_tear A correspondent directed us to this image and informed us, "Unfortunately, the cop and construction worker were unable to attend, sent regrets."

[AP Photo/Eric Gay]

Lost Plane Alert #

a_plane_a_plan A Wonkette congressional correspondent has written (via Blackberry, we're guessing) to tell us that the House office buildings were just evacuated "due to an air threat. seems like there was a plane they couldnt account for." If true, this makes for two evacuations in two days because someone lost an airplane.

We're thinking that "running-shoes-with-a-suit" look might make a comeback this summer.

UPDATE: No confirmation on the evacuation. Either it was the shortest false alarm ever or we may not always be able to completely trust random email correspondents. Imagine.

UPDATE UPDATE: Or, uhm, it could be an email delay. Point about the sneaks and suits look stands.

Capitol evacuated before Reagan procession [CNN]

Gipperporn: Here Lies the Press Corps Dignity #

So you think the media has found everyone who might, by any stretch, be associated with Ronald Reagan? Now they have -- but talk about squeezing blood from a stone:

The morning after Ronald Reagan died, 82-year-old stone carver Nathen Blackwell of Ventura got a wake-up call from the presidential library near Simi Valley. . . At the top of Blackwell's agenda is the carving of inscriptions on Reagan's headstone. . .

UPDATE: Yes, we know it could be worse.

Stone Carver Taps Into a Rock-Solid Legacy [LAT]

Getting In the Vote #

The V-Day is for Vote campaign wants you to know that this election "is about valuing your vagina, making it powerful and praising its power to make a difference;" please, the campaign implores, "Vote your vagina."

And you thought touch-screen voting was complicated.

Vote your vagina! [Salon via Gawker]

Election Recycling: Fresh Doughnuts Edition #

• Kerry leads Bush 51 percent to 44 percent nationwide, says LAT poll; Bush leads in battles for Missouri, Ohio, Wisconsin. [LAT and LAT]
• BC04 to do a dry run of its get-out-the-vote strategy in key states including Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania; in Florida, 10,000 volunteers to make over 350,000 phone calls over 72 hours, interrupting some potential voters on the national day of mourning. [AP/Gainsville Sun]
• Kerry uses relationship with Reagan to make subtle criticism of Bush's treatment of congressional Democrats. [NYT]
• Bush "shuffles to the center" as Rove's "guns, gays and God" strategy falters amid voter concerns over the economy, unemployment, and oil prices. [FT/Yahoo]

[more...]

. . . And Starring Tony Blair as Mr. Pink. #

let_me_tell_you_what_like_a_virgins_about

Reservoir Running Dog Capitalists

[AP Photo/CP, Tom Hanson]

JUN

Gipperporn: Unreal Quote #

We got the transcript of Chris Matthews's take on Ronald Reagan's legacy. We quoted Matthews as saying: "He seemed understand the experience of the Greatest Generation better than the guys who were actually in battle could."

What he actually said was: "He seemed to be able to evoke the World War II experience better than the guys who actually were in combat." Apologies for the inaccuracy. (The intern will be beaten. . . Not because it's his fault, we just like doing it.)

But did we get the gist of it? "Evoke" versus "understand"? "Greatest generation" versus "World War II"? Let's let someone who, you know, was "actually in combat" take a swing at it. Tomorrow's Time contains this report:

Television anchors and commentators reached - and at times over-reached - to match the poignant images. When Tom Brokaw of NBC suggested to Bob Dole that Ronald Reagan had been an inspiring flag-bearer for the World War II generation, it was a bit too much for Mr. Dole, who was wounded in Italy. He replied dryly that Mr. Reagan, who spent the war making Army training films in Hollywood, had never heard a shot fired. "But he was a captain," Mr. Dole said. "And mighty proud of it."

Gipperporn: The Triumph of the Unreal [Wonkette]

Great Moments in Marketing: Let's Use Hillary Clinton's Sex Appeal! #

cookie_goggles When we're considering what movie to see, "Does the ad feature a National Security Advisor topless?" is pretty much the first question we ask. And, finally, one does. It's not who we were hoping for -- we'll have to just keep seeing Sandy Berger in our dreams -- but a commercial for "The Stepford Wives" has semi-steamy pix of both Condi Rice and Hillary Clinton. Experts wonder if this is wise.

[more...]

Gipperporn: The Triumph of the Unreal #

Just when we thought we wouldn't actually learn anything from all this Reagan coverage, Chris Matthews gives us a real history lesson. Vamping a bit between MSNBC correspondents' interviews of Stepford Republicans, Matthews noted that, thanks to all of Reagan's war movies, "He seemed understand the experience of the Greatest Generation better than the guys who were actually in battle could."

Yes, having a buddy bleed to death in your arms can dampen your enthusiasm for a war. But when your toughest wartime assignment is to keep your tan even, you don't really mind threatening to start another one.

UPDATE: We got the transcript: "He seemed to be able to evoke the World War II experience better than the guys who actually were in combat." Apologies for the inaccuracy. (The intern will be beaten. . . Not because it's his fault, we just like doing it.) Did we get the gist of it?

[more...]

Gipperporn: The Big Nap #

A Wonkette judicial branch operative provides further proof that life on the Hill is like a big elementary school" (this is in addition to the temper tantrums and name-calling):

I just got word from one of my friends who is a Hill staffer that they will be allowed to cut in line to view Reagan's casket in the Rotunda. The House-wide email says that they'll be allowed to "merge" (i.e., cut) in line with the general masses who've been waiting in line for hours in the D.C. heat.

When I complained that executive branch workers (i.e., me) should be allowed first dibs on cutting, as Reagan served in my branch, not theirs, I was curtly told, "It's our party, not yours."

And if you don't like it, they'll take their corpse and go home! No, seriously: It's great that the staffers are going to be able to get to the casket quickly, because if they take too long to get there, he might not still be dead.

Rumsfeld's Rules #

Hubris got its blog-stained fingers on another damning memo about the use of unorthodox interrogation techniques on suspected terrorists. Rumsfeld, it appears, just wanted his guys to think "outside the box":

wish_id_thought_of_it

Memorandum [Hubris]

UPDATE: A reader writes in with suspicions:

From: XXXX@XXXX.com
Subject: rumsfeld's rimjob memo a fake?
Date: June 9, 2004 11:03:16 AM EDT
To: tips@wonkette.com

I'm never in line to defend Rumsfeld, and I don't intend to here. But:
Look at the "To" field on the memo at Hubris. It should be spelled
Doug Feith, *not* Doug Faith.

A fake you say? A fake!?!!

Gipperporn: What Liberal Media? #

The WP's Howard Kurtz reports on a new study from the Pew Research Center:

Republicans have come to distrust the media in greater numbers since President Bush took office, says a new poll released yesterday [and]. . . Only about half as many Republicans as Democrats find the usual media suspects credible.

Yeah, fucking liberal media. I wouldn't trust those guys, either. . . The following guests appeared on Tuesday's political shows and public affairs programs:

• "Inside Politics" (CNN): Hosted former Reagan chief of staff Ken Duberstein, Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, and Ronald Reagan Legacy Project's Grover Norquist.
• "Crossfire" (CNN): Hosted former Reagan Attorney General Ed Meese, former Reagan adviser Ken Adelman and Sen. Elizabeth Dole, R-N.C.
• "Wolf Blitzer Reports" (CNN): Hosted Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn.
• "Hardball" (MSNBC): Hosted former Reagan advisers Richard Allen and Martin Anderson, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif., and National Security Council spokesman Sean McCormick.
• "O'Reilly Factor" (FNC): Hosted former Reagan Chief of Staff Michael Deaver.
• "Capital Report" (CNBC): Hosted Empower America's Bill Bennett and Rep. David Dreier, R-Calif.
• "Deborah Norville Tonight" (MSNBC): Hosted former Nancy Reagan spokeswoman Sheila Tate.
• "Larry King Live" (CNN): Hosted former President Gerald Ford and Betty Ford.
• "Hannity & Colmes" (FNC): Hosted Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., and Meese.
• "Scarborough Country" (MSNBC): Hosted former Reagan adviser Ed Rollins.
• "Nightline" (ABC): Focused on Ronald Reagan's legacy.

Fewer Republicans Trust the News, Survey Finds [WP]
TV Guests [National Journal]

Election Recycling: Florida Has Changed Edition #

• Memo was sent to Bush regarding terror interrogations in 2002. [WP and WSJ and WT]
• Kerry: "I had quite a few meetings with him. I met with Reagan a lot more than I've met with this president." Kerry visits casket. [NYT and USAT and BG]
• Approximately 100,000 visit Reagan. [NYT and LAT]
• Many Republicans bonded to Reagan. [WP and WT]
• Complicated relationship between Bush, Reagan families. [NYT]
• Kerry sticks to poor description of economy. [LAT]
• Reagan influenced both candidates; both seek to use legacy. [USAT and BG]