[	Doctor, doctor!	|	surprised	]
[	Rock with me	|	"One Armed Scissor" - At The Drive In (I think that I'm now obsessed with this song)	]

So, I guess this is the day that every student that goes back to school August 9th is like SHIT GUYS.. WE GO BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW! SHIT SHIT!
I assure you, I am one of those students... after all the talking that I've done about it, it NOW hits me that I REALLY GOTTA GO BACK TO HIGHSCHOOL TOMORROW!!!

thank God we don't have TOO much longer in that place...
I hate to admit it, but I love writing papers and I can't wait to write some killer papers for Mr. Harris and Mr. Hunter. Oh yeah, nerdy Betsy loves to writeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!



Are you NASTY or NICE?

Quiz made by Angela

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	blank	]
[	Rock with me	|	"Bliss" - Muse	]

First thing's first:
I don't know what there is to do anymore to "fix" Brandon and I's relationship, he thinks there's something that can fix it.. but what!??!.. neither of us can come up with anything, so I guess I'll have to wait til Sunday to talk to him in person and really tell him how I feel at this point.
I'm slowly "floating" away from him, I'm beginning to think that there's no hope anymore, and quite frankly: our arguements are never delt with the correct way, and we get into many that it makes me want to do insane things.. I'm sick of the stress, I didn't ask for this. I didn't think it'd turn out this way.

On another note:
I'd like to thank Tiffany, for making me smile, for being sexy as hell, for having gorgeous arms, nice lips, and a warm smile. I don't think I've met anyone so perfect in a long time. I can't even describe the feelings I feel about her, when I talk to her, and think about her.. she's my shining star. hehe. <3.

Time to write some new songs..
wish me luck.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	angry	]
[	Rock with me	|	"SturmandDrang" - KMFDM	]

Brandon,
I'm sorry.. it's not that I'm not getting or respecting your opinion, it's that you need to learn how to express it without making someone want to strangle you.
Love, the girl that trys to think highly of you because she cares, even when you could care less: Betsy

P.S - get. your. Jewish. ass. back. on-line. NOW.
yes, I repeat: NOW!

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	accomplished	]
[	Rock with me	|	"One Armed Scissor" - At The Drive In	]

Talked to Brandon (finally)... we're gonna hang out tomorrow after my Optometrist app. 'cause I'm not goin' to softball.. goin' on Tuesday-Thurs.. it's all good.
I miss "T".. alot.. haha.. she needs to call.. come on, call.. LADYYYYY!
ahhhhh... I guess I'll go back to watching T.V til I pass out. g'night.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	aggravated	]
[	Rock with me	|	"Delerium Trigger" - Coheed & Cambria	]

Nothing makes sense right now..
listening to the disgusting English feminine screams of Coheed & Cambria... *shudders*.. I can't stand this band when they sing.. they look better than they sound, that's the fucking truth. If you are gonna look manly, you can atleast not sound like little English boys that are just hitting puberty.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	content	]
[	Rock with me	|	"Turncoat, Killer, Liar, Theif" - Anti-Flag	]

ahahaha.. holy hell.. Warped was amazing.. fucking amazing... I wish my cam's batteries didn't fuck up... but oh well, I'll take pics of the free shit I got, and the things that were randomly thrown at me during shows. I almost passed out.. correction: we all almost passed out. Bob was baked into oblivion during the Story Of The Year concert and I was getting kicked in the face and knocked down a few times too many... there was a vert ramp with some shitty skaters, 2 okay BMXers and some good skaters, too! hehe. Afterwards, we went back to Brandons and showered and Brandon, Bob, and Vijay's friend Rachel (or however you spell it) came over.. and we drank, ate pizza.. and drankkkkkkkkkkkk. I had some Jack and coke and felt fine.. but then Bob made White Russians and I was goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... holy hell, I barely remember talking my ass off to my dad as he said I did (but no, he didn't notice that I was trashed, thank God) I have a fucking wife beater burn/tan, but atleast I'm not hung over (drank enough water last night so I wouldn't be!) Yesterday was too good for words, so worth the hot sun and getting someone else's blood on my pants, nearly getting knocked out, and being crammed against sweaty people that I don't know... so fucking worth it all, thanks Brandon, Vijay, and Bobbbbbbbbbbb.. I LOVE YOU BASTARDS!
Dinner time with mia famiglia now.. a whoo whoo... going out to some resturant to celebrate Joe, my dad, and Mike's birthdays.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	tired	]
[	Rock with me	|	"Surfing On A Rocket" - Air	]

Okay, I'm done spazzing over the complete amazing-ness of that TBS song.. now on to another song that makes me cream just as much (if not more).. Air is beautiful, and this song is even more beautiful.
I've stopped crying, stopped staring off into space and wishing that I could die, too..
I've basically stopped being such a wreck.
Why? you may ask... well, simply because Warped Tour is on Wed., tomorrow is my dad's birthday (and the only day I'll be able to go to softball practice).. if it doesn't pour tomorrow *does a rain dance* haha.. see how excited I am about softball!??!.. shit, if we had practice early in the morning, I'd be glad to go..
but having it from 4-6 really kills my day because it goes by so fast... and BAM! IT'S SOFTBALL TIME BITCHESSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Oh lordy, I crack myself up.. I'd love to talk to some people on-line right now but I'm afraid that I'll pass out in mid conversation.... I'm worn out from crying and really plan on getting up early tomorrow and enjoying the hell out of my day. G'night.

"Surfing on a Rocket" - Air

Time for flying rockets
For silver jets
For surfing bombs
Surfing on a rocket

Don't pray to go
Please take my hand
Don't get me down
Surfing on a rocket

I'll be back one day
Just pray for me
I'm on my way
Surfing on a rocket

5 4 3 2 1 0
No one can stop me to go
You'll never see me again

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	curious	]
[	Rock with me	|	"A Decade Under The Influence" - Taking Back Sunday	]

"A Decade Under The Influence" - Taking Back Sunday

Well, that's more sweet, so delicate
It used to be this dying breed
Well I've got a bad feeling about this
I've got a bad feeling about this

You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window...
Well, I've got a bad feeling about this
I've got a bad feeling about...

You used to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on

Well that's more sure in porcelain
You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck
Well I've got a bad feeling about this (because of this)
I've got a bad feeling about this

You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window
Well I've got a bad feeling about this
I've got a bad feeling about...

You used to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well, say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on

Well I got a bad feeling about this (what is this for?)
I got a bad feeling about...

Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle

Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you, in...)
I got a bad feeling about this (you, in...)
I got a bad feeling about this (you, in...)
I got a bad feeling about this (you, in...)
I got it bad (you)
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad

Goddamnit.. I can't even begin to explain the powerfulness of that song.. and how fucking beautiful it is.. goddamnit, all of that made me feel so much better.. now I'm actually looking forward to the comming days.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	crushed	]
[	Rock with me	|	The Hero Dies In This One - The Ataris	]

"The Hero Dies In This One" - The Ataris

As I leave here today, apartment 108
I'll always keep you in my heart.
Anderson is cold tonight,
The leaves are scattered on the ground.
I miss the seasons,
And the comfort of your smile.

Sometimes this all feels like a dream.
I'm waiting for someone just to wake me up,
From this life.

As I look out at these fairgrounds,
I remember how our family split apart.
I don't think I ever told you,
But I know you always did your best.
And the hard times,
They only made us stronger.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm supposed to carry on when you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you
I love you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can't let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

Do you ever feel like crying?
Do you ever feel like giving up?
I raise my hands up towards the sky,
I say this prayer for you tonight,
Because nothing is impossible.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm supposed to carry on when you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you,
I love you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can't let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

(The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be, it's being content with who you are.)

Stay who you are.
You must go on.
Stay who you are. [x4]

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	shocked	]
[	Rock with me	|	Someone You Know - Furtherseemsforever	]

April/ Lil Dizz OD'd on meds last night and died..
this is the most unexpected thing to ever happen... ever...

I've been crying and listening to music all day,
nothing else that I really care to do.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	confused	]
[	Rock with me	|	Ready To Die - Andrew W.K	]

I don't know what to say except that people need to stop assuming things..
assuming fucks things up way bad.
Anyway, I'm on my 200mg now and I'm feeling alright, I guess..
pizza for dinner tonight, my Italian relatives are shitting bricks at the moment because they hate American-ized Italin food. go figure.
My throat doesn't hurt anymore! whoo whoo!
I've been hanggin' out with my cousins the whole day, they're awesome.. but yell too much and I'm too mellow for it all but I'll deal.

here's the lyrics to this crazy ass song on the Vans Warped Tour 2003 CD..
the background music sounds like a video game tune... makes me wanna scream: KILLER MARIOS!!!

Ready To Die - Andrew W.K.

This is your time to pay,
This is your judgement day.
We made a sacrifice,
And now we get to take your life.
We shoot without a gun,
We'll take on anyone.
It's really nothing new,
It's just a thing we like to do.

Chorus
You'd better get Ready to Die,
(Get ready to Die).
You'd better get Ready to Kill,
(get ready to Kill).
You'd better get Ready to Run,
Coz,
Here we come.
You'd better get Ready to Die,
(Get Ready to Die).

Your life is over now,
Your life is running out.
When your time is at an end,
Then it's time to kill again.
We cut without a knife,
We live in black and white.
You're just a parasite,
Now close you're eyes and say goodnight.

Chorus
You'd better get Ready to Die,
(Get ready to Die).
You'd better get Ready to Kill,
(get ready to Kill).
You'd better get Ready to Run,
Coz,
Here we come.
You'd better get Ready to Die,
(Get Ready to Die).
You'd better get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die.
You'd better get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die.
You'd better get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to Die,
Get Ready to...
Been a long time coming,
Now you better get Running,
And you'd better get Ready to Die.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	amused	]
[	Rock with me	|	9mm and a three piece suit - Catch 22	]

ah, my dear El-Jay.. I'm doing alright now, my throat doesn't hurt as much, I've been writing and listening to tons of music... and drinking tea a whoo whoo!
I might be going to Cali next week <33333.. for just a few days tho,
and my new cell comes Monday!!!!
I'll post later.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	bouncy	]
[	Rock with me	|	Stupid Fuck - Custom Made Scare	]

Last night was fun. I went to dinner at Ru San's with Joe, Martina, and Martina's friends from the Bay Area of Cali. We had fun, I got to drink tons of sake and played with Martina's friends 2 yearold son, Sam. He was hard to keep still, I tell ya... he kept running around and spilling things, it was hilarious but annoying. I swear, too many older men (black and white) kept trying to talk to me and stared a little too much... um... I'm not that attractive damnit!.. but whatever. We went to Tower Records and I bought The Custom Made Scare (The Greatest Show On Dirt) CD for 99 friggin cents!! It's got wayyyyy short but kick ass songs but I would never pay the 10$ that I saw it for at Amoeba in Cali last summer. Time to hang out with my cousins and go swimming.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	tired	]
[	Rock with me	|	The Cat With 2 Heads - The Aquabats	]

I was up all last night.. the whole night... the whole fucking night.
And what did I do??... STARED AT WALLS, MY CAT, MY BED, THE FLOOR.. etc.!
how awesomely fun!!... ahahaha.
I went to my all-time favorite shrink ever (he loves that I call him that) way too early this morning. We talked about lot's of stuff: my lack of sleep last night, side effect's of Lamictal, etc. etc. Instead of keeping me on the trial 10mg, he's letting me start the 25mg on Monday and take that 2 times a day, instead of the 3 times that I take the 10mg. It just started raining, and I'd go to sleep if I could, but I'm hopefully gonna hang out with Joe today as planned. Ah, forget it, Joe went to sleep around 5:00 last night... so he's gonna be sleeping for awhile. I might as well try to get in atleast 2 hours of sleep.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	awake	]
[	Rock with me	|	After All - David Bowie	]

I can't sleep. it's worthless even trying. I'm supposed to be awake at 7:00 in the morning, but it looks like I'm gonna be awake most of the night.. unless I pass out somewhere. There's really nothing to do except talk to the few people who stay awake into the wee hours of the morning on AIM and Yahoo! (which isn't many, I must add). Thank the Lord that my dear friend "Tot" is awake. I'm doped up into oblivion and my body isn't quite used to this new medication so all I'm able to do is sit and stare, and think.. and ask myself random questions, and walk around my room looking at things like I've never seen them before. Everything is like brand new to me, it's kinda trippy. I guess I'm gonna talk to "Tot" until something good (like I fall asleep, perhaps) happens. Goodnight, for the last time tonight. I promise.

[	Doctor, doctor!	|	awake	]
[	Rock with me	|	watching COPS on T.V.. funny shit.	]

I have another shrink app. at 8:00 tomorrow morning, and I'm feeling extremely tired but I can't go to sleep. at all.
I tried taking my nice warm bubble bath, but even that didn't help.
I hope that some warm tea will do the trick.
It's strange how calm I seem to be right now.. and you'd think that I could pass out easily, but I can't.. and that's getting to me.
I'm gonna go curl up on the couch with my tea, in hopes of falling asleep someway, somehow. g'night.