cuddle young man, cuddle

hugs are free. hugs are fun. nobody catches stds from hugging. we should hug more people. do you have a reason not to hug more people? i didn't think so, so go out there and grab the world firmly with both arms and embrace it. don't use this display of affection as a chance to feel the world up, just hug it and let it know you care. even if you don't care, do it anyway, because you are a sad empty person - maybe this will fill the hole.

this isn't politics... this is a hook

Radical British Muslim cleric Abu Hamza faces U.S. charges of supporting al Qaeda and aiding a deadly 1998 kidnapping in Yemen. An 11-count indictment released today also accuses him of plotting to establish a "violent jihad training camp" in Bly, Oregon.

this is not politics

and now the pop-up ad indsutry has decided job offers are more luring than the promise of highly degrading sex acts LIVE AND IN PERSON. this is the state of our economy.

hey baby, keepin' that glass ceiling clean?

need some more windex?

America's Favorite Hairpiece

BEFORE: Convicted Kiddie Molester

AFTER: Middle School Gym Teacher/Ex-con

Roommate #1: SUSAN

The person who answered the door to my new apartment looked a lot like me: 5 foot 2, redish hair, freckles. . . only, she was bigger. (look out, here come the fat jokes. . . you know you've been missing the fat jokes.)
"Does Susan live here?" i asked
"Oh, Hi, I'm Susan."
"Yeah. . . I'm Kristen." I said biting my tongue & choking back my laughter.
I knew Allison was thinking the same thing and I probably shouldn't catch her eye, or we would both laugh histerically and rather uncontrolably if i did: "wow, you're me, only. . . . bigger." . . . "we're like twinsters, but you're huge!"
It was like looking into one of those fun-house mirrors, only 3-d. . . only not a mirror at all. In my periferal vision, I could see my sister looking back and forth at us as If something were going to happen.

Today Susan's friend came over to go grocery shopping with her. Her friend is about the same shape, but she's Asian & she talks REALLY loudly, piercingly... and laughs at all the wrong times and asks me questions and i can never understand her.

As fate would have it, Susan's friend came over wearing almost EXACTLY the same thing. Now, one fat person in CAPRI OVERALLS is pretty funny, but when by shear coincidence TWO fat people are wearing MATCHING CAPRI OVERALLS, you know god is laughing inside like you are.

"I'm not changing" said one.
"I'm no change" said the other. . .

and off they went.

The Promised Land

i am in utah for the summer.
send me shit.

1732N 450W #110
Provo, UT 84604

what's your address greg?

hungry... like the canine

this is where i am for the next four months. i dont know if i'll be in touch with anyone... but you should read about these guys cause they are gonna be my new friends, and none of them blog.

carma

don't make fun of small children like i did. i had the pleasure of my first hit & run tonight, i have five staples in my head... and remorse. the poetry wasn't so bad, i just wanted to mock something.

taking my anger out on children

as you can see, on wednesday, october 31, 2001 students paraded around the school in their costumes. there were firemen, policemen, dogs, football players, cheerleaders, and many others. their poetry lacked strong tones of individuality, as a reader i felt cheated by the homogeneous structures employed by the students to manifest bland and and sometimes psuedo-macabre statements. perhaps you'll like it because you like children, or maybe you birthed one of the ones that wrote this garbage.

this is not an act of rage... nor is it a pipe

zb is not somethingawful.com, i'm not trying to be a jerk, i'm just drunk, and she's not. not that she's not drunk, or that she isn't. umm, i hope this is funny, 'cause i'm not trying to be mean. the internet is a funny place. something awful.com is okay, yeah. have you seen goatse.cx, cause that is cool. " beer is proof that god wants us to be happy" - some white guy.

i wanna ride your amber waves of grain. hard.

cybersex is funny by itself. but when a humorist a-la-somethingawful.com enters the mix, its one of the few things on the internet that can make me laugh out loud.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

More CyberSex Logs

anti-phylosophee

BUSH +.24, ZB's post was funny in a sort of Al Franken or Ben Stein kind of way. She expressed that perhaps YLTS was not the right venue for her edgy political humor. Perhaps, but I think not. Therefore... I am. To make up for the lack of what we like to call "funny" she resorted to mentioning topics we would like, shuch as; VOMIT! GREG! ZOMBIES! and MUSIC SO BAD ITS HIP! I don't know if it worked, but as you can see in the comments to her entry (go see, you can), it got me thinking. One of those four things doesn't fit. I could be a zombie if one bit me, both zombies and I have to eat, vomit can only happen (at least in a cool way) if there is food matter to be vomited, but music - anti-music... that doesn't have to eat, and I don't think it can die or even be undead. Which means that it's more of an idea than a tangible thing. It is an idea that we have to use energy to sustain, by rembering the idea and letting it become a thing of meaning. If energy can neither be destroyed nor created... where did all the energy that goes into anti-music come from? On my own individual level, I had to give up being able to control the nerves that make my left eye work just to comprehend a tiny fraction of the thing... or better yet, anti-thing that is... anti-music. Thank you ZB. Thank you for making me think.

BUSH +.24

so fundraising is a huge fucking business, right?
what if
the republicans publicly traded bush? it would be a most delicious gauge of public opinion, that americans already pay too much attention to. and so appropriate. the real monetary republicans will be behind this idea, i swear. bush's fundraising dollars will literally flunctuate based on america's respect and faith in him. hilarity ensues.

ANTI-MUSIC live in the lobby

some ANTI-MUSIC bands will be performing live on WUOG 90.5fm (webcast here) on April 22nd.

The tentative linup for the show is the New New, Professor Booty and the Backup Band, Rechenmaschine, Blood Puppy and the System Fucked My Parents (pictured below).

This is a perfect opportunity for everyone to be a music snob. Just tell your friends about it and they'll be like, "What's that?" and you can be all like, "Oh what, you haven't heard of them. That's wierd. It's the new punk"