My journal is friends-only. If you would like to add me to your friends list, please e-mail me. If you have added me to your friends list and haven't seen any posts, this is why - please get in touch with me if you would like to be added.

This makes me ill. Muslims have been arrested en masse for complying with a law passed after Sept, 11, 2001 making them register with the INS by December 16th.

CNN isn't carrying the story, but I've found it on Yahoo and, surprisingly enough, in the Detroit Free Press, buried in the News/Nation & World section.

Are you disgusted and appalled? Do you object to these sorts of things being done in your name?

Not In Our Name.

The National Library of Medicine has an online exhibit called Dream Anatomy. Some of it is not for the squicky, but the art is beautiful.

You may have noticed that there aren't as many posts in my journal lately. That's not exactly true. Through a slow and painful process, I'm learning that not everyone in the world has my best interests at heart. As a result, the access to my life that is usually shown to the public at large is being closed. If you're interested in the "friends-only" posts, please reply to this post or e-mail me. We can talk.

When I stumble and fall, I'd rather have people around me who will help me up and dust me off - not sit back and laugh, feeling superior in my misfortune. I know, it's selfish of me. What are you gonna do?

Which Coop chick are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

1) Cordelia would never take anything that offered "free samples"
and
2) Where are Willow's parents????

I'm sure I could have had a more frustrating day, but I'm not sure how. And no, I don't want to test that theory, either.

I'm feeling better, still a bit woozy. Ate some, and it went well. Slept most of the day. Fever's gone.

Went to make some dinner and discovered that one of the kitchen drawers has apparently exceeded stress tolerances and the bracket for the runner had broken. Another trip to Home Depot is in order.

Had an upsetting phone call that I don't care to repeat or discuss.

Got a call that I had "lost" my checkbook while I was at the bead show on Sunday - someone there found it in the "Lost and Found" and gave me a call. Funny - I didn't use my checkbook on Sunday, I paid cash. I called them back, and I'll be there in the morning to pick it up - and then I'll go right to the bank to see if there's any protective measures I should take.

After talking to Chris, I think that someone unzipped my purse while I was paying for the monster bead and snagged my checkbook - I don't keep it with my cash, my credit card, or my ID. Lovely. Asshats.

I got the deck stained. Go me. I'll do touch ups tomorrow, provided I feel better. It's semi-transparent cedar-color, which looks pretty orange going on. It still looks orange. But it'll look good once it weathers a bit.

See, I got up around 8ish and my stomach was in knots. I thought I ate something that didn't agree with me, so I went back to bed for a bit. I woke up at 10ish, had an early lunch (sammich, apple, chips, a Coke) and stained the deck. I felt tired, so I rinsed everything off, came inside, and my stomach decided that it's lifelong dream was to join the circus, and I was holding it back. It, along with the rest of my digestive system, decided to launch a complaint. I took a hot shower, scrounged tummy medicine, and crawled into bed.

I woke up when Chris came home, and I took my woobly-headed self downstairs for chicken and rice soup and some orange juice. I'm running a fever. Bah.

Ooooh. He just reached over from his computer chair to scratch my back. Aaaaaahhhhh.

Okay, back to bed with me.

stain the wrong freaking color it's *purple* fergossakes quick get the hose rinse rinse got most of it off but there's still a little where the wood soaked it up mix up another 5 gallons of deck cleaner scrub scrub rinse dammit still there scrub scrub go back to home depot and swap the stain out for something much closer and semitransparent come back rinse still *freaking* there scrub scrub rinse dammit pout.

I'm trying to get the deck stained before it gets too cold, and then snows and stuff and the wood is damaged even more. But before I restain it, I need to clean and prep it, which means me, a 5 gallon bucket, deck cleaner, and a scrubbing brush at the end of a mop handle. Don't forget the goggles and gloves, because the cleaner is toxic.

(Mental image for those who want it - hair braided, ballcap, old thermal shirt, old baggy jeans, lawn-mowing tennies, goggles, and orange rubber gloves. I'm mixing this stuff in a bucket in the driveway when a cop rolls by. I'm hoping he doesn't think I'm a terrorist.)

Also tidied and vacuumed the living room, tidied and vacuumed the dining room, and cleaned and vacuumed the kitchen. (Yes, I agree, carpet in a kitchen is insane. It's on the list.) Oh, and I started a load of laundry. My back hurts now. So do lots of other things.

How was your day?

must be what comes in those little cans instead of what is supposed to be wet cat food.

I bought some earlier this week, DeeDee was looking skinny. Now, she's getting chubbier - but she's bugging me night and day for more of the stuff. 3 *farking* A.M. she was on my case. I can't even get up to *pee*, because if I get close to the kitchen the meowing is constant. So what do I do?

I buy more.

Went to the Great Lakes Beadworkers Guild bead show with Pam, a sweet woman from Chris's office. It's so nice when someone else understands how you feel about beads. I overheard one woman at a table talking about finding "The Bead" and not having enough money for it . . . and I understood. See, there was this *great bead* at Nawbin Beads in Traverse City, a huge glass heart in iridescent purple/blue glass, and I didn't have the money for it. But I found it at the show! Is $35 too much to pay for a bead? It will look fabulous on an omega chain . . .

Yeah, I know.

I'm dreaming about animals again. Night before last, I dreamed about finding puppies in a bag of dog food. Last night was even stranger . . . I was in my old house, and it had snowed about a foot. I went outside, and there were all these birds on the ground, doves and pigeons, some eaten, some dead, some just wounded. Then I saw this mangy looking cat, skinny, a cross between an angora and a Siamese (Himalayan?) with a bloody snout. I gave it food, to keep it from eating any more of the birds . . . I have no idea what to make of these.

I got up and took a shower, then walked to the corner store for half and half. As I was coming back, a van pulled up short on my street, and the women inside were fighting, arguing and yelling. One woman was getting out, then she wasn't, and then they drove off . . . I stood there and stared, getting the license plate and a description in case I needed to call the police. It was this huge knot of negative and unhappy all there in one spot. Yuck.

After that, Chris hugged me and then we went shopping at Target. Then we went to Best Buy and gorged ourselves on several DVDs of Buffy series. Nummy. After that was a noonish viewing of "Red Dragon" which was *awesome*, very well done, fits right in as a lead-in to "Silence of the Lambs". I was too, too impressed, was much better than "Manhunter". I highly recommend it. Tattoo fetishists will get a kick. :)

Lessee, grocery store, lunch/dinner, and then watching the first three episodes of "Buffy". And tomorrow, I'm getting up and going to the bead show . . . eeee!

I realized earlier today what a shock it was for me to realize this spring that I had a finite emotional capacity. I always thought I had an infinite capacity to love and give and cope - and then I reached the end of it. Looking back, I was foolish to think that, especially with what was going on at the time. But I think that now I understand my limitations, I can work within them. I guess that's what all this has taught me.

I can't ever dismiss a painful or stressful event out of hand. I don't believe in coincidence, or that the universe is random. The lessons I take away from these events are important, they help me grow and mature. The hard part is trying to teach other people my lessons . . . because it won't work. I can't make other people's mistakes for them. I can only make my mistakes, learn from them, and make different ones later. :)

No, I don't have idle hands, and this is why.

The image is large, so be patient.

The dime is there to show scale.

I can do these custom, your design, your colors, as large or small as you like, and price varies depending on the complexity of design and the size. The chain design can vary as well, fringe can be added, and the top can have an envelope-style lid, a separate lid like the green one, or a button closure. Please allow 4-6 weeks for completion after finalization of design. I do ask for a deposit for the purchase of materials.

Buca di Beppo rocks. I'm so glad they're a chain. I'm *so full* and we still have leftovers. The waiter had way too much personality, but that was okay.

Cam is on. I've got makeup on, and Chris is taking me out on a date tonite. :)

I called Squeekie this morning and woke her up by screaming "OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU GOT MARRIED IN VEGAS" in her ear. What are friends for? Best of luck to her and the Rooster!

I got my caaarr back . . .and it looks all *purty* and it's all *clean* because they detailed it . . . :) I swear, it rides and drives different. Prolly all in my head, tho.

I cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes twice, took out the trash, made dinner. *phew*

I really want to see "Red Dragon" this weekend, and there's a bead show on Sunday.

I had to buy moisturizing body wash because my skin's getting dry already. *itch*
( Buffy spoiler )
What would you do for love? What have you done for love? What would you never do again?

There was a discussion on NPR today about war with Iraq. How we *must* stop Saddam Hussein before he gets a nuke and kills us all. The longer this guy kept talking the less and less I bought it. What kind of arrogance is it that makes us think that we could get him *now* when we couldn't get him before? What kind of arrogance is it that makes us think that "democracy" is the method of government for everyone? What kind of arrogance is it to think that the people of Iraq *want* us to come and demolish their society and then remake it in our own image? And why hasn't anyone mentioned OIL? Both the president and the vice president have oil interests and are heavily influenced by big business. Don't tell me that petroleum companies haven't had a say in this. I just keep thinking of the Wizard of Oz - pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! There's all these other problems at home, and yet he just keeps pointing at the Middle East.

5 Important Things:

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is important that these four men never meet.