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Thursday, July 29th, 2004
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3:38 am - Irritated with my Irritation
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Things with Chris are wonderful. So I have no idea why I feel so distant, so frustrated, so anxious.
I woke up in a great mood, made breakfast for Chris and sent him off to work. Had a really nice conversation with his mom and talked about her new project of painting the kitchen. I was a hermit most of the day, finishing my book.
I went to work. It was slow and they didn't need me. I was irritated that no one bothered to call me. It's a pain to drive 45 min one way and not work. Oh well. So I talked to some of my friends and finished my book. I had a few errands to run in town so I went to Target, picked up my mail, stopped at the bookstore to look for a book Chris is wanting. All in all an alright night.
I just felt a little anxious and restless on the way home. I don't know why.
Chris wasn't here when I got home. He had stayed late to do some paperwork and stuff at work and then went to visit Allan & his parents. That kinda irritated me, but it's not like I want to tell him not to be friends with them.
I was kinda in my own world and doing my own thing. Chris took it as something was wrong and asked me. I told him nothing was wrong I just felt a little mellow and irritated with work and such.
I folded some laundry and picked up a little bit. Chris wanted to watch a movie and I wasn't really in the mood to watch a movie- I was too restless. He kept asking if something was wrong or if I needed to talk. I couldn't explain how I felt or why I felt the way I did. I didn't even know what was wrong with me.
I feel bad. Chris got into bed and wasn't very cuddly with me- which is unusual. I asked him if anything was wrong. He told me that he felt like I was avoiding him all night, that I was frustrated or upset and didn't want to talk about it. I told him it wasn't personal. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to spend time with him. I just had all these weird emotions going on tonight and I didn't want to take it out on him, so it was easier to do my own thing. I think he understood. He cuddled wtih me and kissed me goodnight and drifted off to sleep.
I think it's mostly hormones. I honestly went from having a great day, to being a little irritated, but still in a good mood to just feeling all out frustrated and restless for no reason at all. Ridiculous.
current mood:  irritated
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
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10:36 pm - Books, books & more books :)
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I have lots of good things going on lately. I'll write about them later. Lately I've been in a hermitish book-reading type mood. I've read 2 books in the last week! :)
So- tell me what's the last book you read that you would most definitely recommend? Any other favorites are welcome of course as well!
current mood: dorky
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
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12:42 am
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Overall a good day. I only worked lunch. But my banquet last night didn't come in to pay their bill until today- so I walked home with some fat cash. That was nice.
I ran a bunch of errands including picking up medicine, juice and dinner for Chris. He woke up sweaty and feeling awful this morning so he stayed home from work.
Luckily he slept for a little while after I got here and I enjoyed a relaxing evening not doing much except relaxing, talking to Kyla, e-mailing, chatting and thinking about what I need to get done tomorrow. Oh yeah- and I spent some time motivating Britnee to pack! :P
Now it's late and I really should go to bed so maybe Chris will too. He needs to be getting more rest, especially since he needs to be to work early tomorrow for a meeting. I brought some of my craft stuff down with me- so I think Kyla and I are going to make some fun jewelry from plastic pony beads- yay for scout camp and pockets full of beads every day! :)
Alright- I'm tired. Goodnight :)
current mood:  content
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(comment on this)
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12:29 am
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Britnee- your score as of 12:29am July 22, 2004 = 9 points. Didn't want to lose track of your score!!!!!! :P
current mood:  amused
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, July 19th, 2004
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11:16 pm
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I worked lots of hours today. I made alright money. I spent the hours in between my shifts running errands. The bank, the post office, the dry cleaners, the county health department, the bookstore. I probably should have gone over to Sorrelle's and taken a nap, but I had a list of stuff to do!
It's funny. Now that I don't live right in town I get all my errands done at once. It's like I save them up for the days I know I'll have some extra time in Oly and then do them all. It's nice in a lot of ways. You would think I would have done this long ago! :P Oh well.
I stopped by Target after work for some lotion and ended up buying cute undies and a movie that I really don't need. I realized I miss clothes. Cute clothes. Clothes I could wear when I was skinnier without a belly. I know it's just temporary, but most days getting dressed is just NOT the funnest thing in the world. Nice, I used the word "funnest"- that is sooooo NOT a word. LOL. But I like it.
I think Chris is very serious about moving to Texas. But our talks about it have been weird. In some conversations it's like he expects that I'll be there with him and in others, things don't seem so clear. I think he really wants to move, but I don't know how much of a reality it is.
Saturday night we went to a great party with some of his friends and co-workers at Lost Lake. It was so great- they are really fun people and I love that he wants me to be there and be a part of his life. He even had his boss feel my tummy and put his guess in on whether it's a boy or girl.
Kyla is here for the week. Chris and I had an interesting discussion about her and I last night. In some ways it made me feel good, but I still have my apprehensions about what my role is and where my boundaries are in her life.
I need a shower. And I need sleep. Tomorrow is going to be even longer than today. I open and I have a banquet. Early morning and late night. Money should be good though and I'm glad for the hours.
Goodnight all! :)
current mood:  calm
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 11th, 2004
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10:39 am - Help?!?
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There is something seriously wrong with my right arm/hand. It started hurting a little while ago- a little bit of tingling & numbness. I really thought that as long as I took it easy it would go away. It hasn't. It's gotten worse.
I'm sure it's something like carpal tunnel or equally as bad. I don't know what to do. I don't have insurance. Even if I get insurance- it wouldn't kick in for 3 months or so.
Would clinics even look at my hand? Am I going to have to go to the emergency room? I'm freaked out. It really hurts and if I can't use my hand it could mean I would be out of a job too. Ugh. Why is this happening to me?
current mood:  scared
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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12:09 am
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I feel a little disjointed.
As of tomorrow I will for the most part be homeless. It's a strange feeling. I don't think I like it.
The last 2 days have been unreal. And I am exhausted from them. Lots of packing, loading and unloading a u-haul and cleaning.
I'm not completely done. I have a little bit of cleaning left. But my plan is to be finished tomorrow.
My new address is a PO Box. My car will be my temporary closet. I don't even know where I really want to live. Chris and my friends have been wonderful to share their space with me, but I don't like to feel like I'm in someone else's space. Like I'm intruding. I don't think any of them feel that way, but I do.
Today I laid on the floor of my mostly empty apartment and looked around. I remember laying on that same floor surrounded by boxes the night I moved in. I remember what a huge leap it was for me to just move here. Not knowing what was ahead, not having a job, just doing it because I wanted to.
A year later and I'm in for more big changes. You wouldn't think so much could happen in just a year. But I know it can.
current mood:  exhausted
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 2nd, 2004
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1:21 pm
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I need to go back home and do some more packing. I don't like this being in limbo thing. I really don't like not having a place to put all my stuff. Oh well- it will work for now.
I brought some stuff down to Chris' last night. A shelf to go in the bathroom so I can have a place for my stuff that won't be in the way. And we are going to rearrange so that my desk and computer can fit in here somewhere. I brought a few more of my pillows down too- they would just sit in storage if they aren't here.
I had a lunch banquet yesterday and also closed. I was exhausted at the end of the night. And we weren't even very busy- that was the worst part. I close tonight and I'm supposed to close tomorrow night. Chris' cousins wedding is tomorrow night too. And so far I can't find someone to trade me shifts.
I think we are going to a party at Brett's for the 4th. That should be fun.
I have lots of people who have offered to help me move- now I just need to really get it done and over with so I don't stress anymore. Well- at least not about that- then I can start stressing about finding a new place! :P
Chris told me he was going to get some cigarettes last night. I asked if he was going to the grocery store and if he was would he pick me up some grapefruit juice. He was just going to the gas station, so I told him it was no big deal. He came back with a small bottle of grapefruit juice anyway and when I woke up this morning there was a second one in the fridge. :) Very sweet.
I've eaten lots of chocolate lately. It's been yummy. :)
Ok- I need to get dressed and go home and do more packing. My house is a tornado zone.
Have a happy day!
current mood:  relaxed
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 17th, 2004
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1:36 am - UGH.
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In the last 2 days I just became completely overwhelmed.
* I am working crazy lots of shifts at work.
* Chris' extended family has been in town and they all want to give us their opinion on what we should do.
* I am leaving for my extended family reunion next Wednesday and I don't get back until Monday. It's in Illinois. I still don't know how I'm getting to and from the airport. Oh well- at least I'm flying first class thanks to my parents skymiles.
* I still have a major project that I volunteered to do for the reunion- I am only a 1/3 of the way done. This project involves computer time, shopping, putting packets together, hole punching, etc. It will take me HOURS and HOURS and HOURS.
* When I get back from the reunion I have 2 days to have all my stuff out and my apartment cleaned.
* I still don't have a place to live and haven't packed a single thing.
* I haven't gotten a storage unit yet.
* I am more tired and hungry every day.
* My parents still don't know anything and that is overwhelming too.
* Today I was told that I make too much money to qualify for state medical. I'm screwed. There is no way I can afford a doctor any other way. I'm so discouraged about what to do. I want this baby to be healthy.
UGH. Goodnight.
current mood: discouraged
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 10th, 2004
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4:48 pm
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I did it. I told my apartment managers that I was moving out at the end of the month. It was nice that they were actually sad that I was leaving. I guess if nothing else that gives me lots of motivation to find someplace soon!
Sorrelle told me again today that I was more than welcome to their extra room, although small and has lots of misc storage in it, they would let me have it. They are sooooo sweet!
Today was supposed to be my day off, but I picked up an extra shift tonight. I'm not even sure if they'll need me to work or not, but I could use the money. So I figured it couldn't hurt.
I had raspberry zingers for lunch. Yum. :)
current mood: content
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2:08 pm - Moving & stuff . . .
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So I didn't resign my contract for my apartment this month. I decided I need to find a new place to live ASAP. The only downside- I have to tell them today if I'm moving out at the end of the month.
So- here are my options . . .
1- Tell them today I'm moving out and hope I find something by the end of the month
2- Stay another month, for another outrageous amount of money while I look for another place to live.
3- Tell them I'm moving out, put my stuff in storage, look for a place to live. If I find one great- if not, stay at Chris' or some of my friends until I do find one.
Three sounds like the best option. Not the most convenient, but the cheapest and least stressful.
I haven't slept at my place in a week anyway. Sorrelle & Wendy have a spare room at their house that is just basically sitting empty that I could throw my extra small mattress in so that if I wanted to nap or whatever between shifts I would have a place to go.
It just stresses me out to think about not having a place to live right away, but maybe it would be better to be homeless for a month or so anyway and save some money.
Ugh. I hate real life sometimes. LOL.
current mood: Ugh
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 6th, 2004
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3:17 pm
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Honestly- are people out there truly lacking enough in their lives that they go around making mean anonymous comments in other people's journals? Obviously people like that have: 1- no balls 2- no life. Get some of both.
current mood: amused
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 5th, 2004
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10:42 am
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Last night Chris made me dinner.
He had set aside some hamburgers earlier that evening knowing I would be hungry later. When I reached for the tomatoes to cut them up, he laughed as he took them away and told me that he was making dinner for me tonight. He made the most fantastic burger and told me there was a fresh supply of popsicles in the freezer for me. (I'm craving popsicles a lot these days. lol.)
It's nice to feel loved. Even when it's just because of a hamburger. :)
current mood: awake
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 4th, 2004
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12:06 pm - Memorial Day Weekend
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Probably the next major weekend of my life that I haven't bothered to record. LOL. There are just too many things that happen. Sometimes small, insignificant things, sometimes big life-changing things, but all of them important. All of them things I want to have memories of, be able to read back about later. They are the things that make up my life . . . AND I'M LETTING THEM ALL SLIP BY BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE ABOUT THEM!!!!!
Ok- I have resolve to update my journal more often. So there.
I actually had most of the Memorial Day weekend off. I ended up getting called off from work on Friday night (which sucked because I needed the hours & money and it turned out they were busy when they thought they would be slow . . . oh well). I spent the night doing mostly nothing but relaxing by myself which is good for me once in awhile :)
( The rest of the weekend . . . )
Since then last night is the first night I slept at home- and that was just by choice because I have so much I need to get done today. I have the day off and if I was at Chris' I wouldn't do any of it!
I decided not to renew my lease. I'm just paying month-to-month right now. It's more expensive, but I'm hoping to find somewhere new to live here soon. I would feel better if I was paying less rent and able to put some away. There's just too much that's going to be happening here in the future for me not to have some money saved away.
I'm not sure where I'm going to look. A part of me thinks it would make a lot more sense for me to move closer to Chris. I like being there. I like being near him. I end up making a commute anyway since I'm not sleeping at my house. It would be nice to have my own space, close to him, for a lot less rent.
I told him I wasn't renewing my lease and that I was looking for somewhere new. At that time I hadn't looked anywhere yet, so couldn't really tell him where. I'd like to see what he thinks about me moving closer.
Well I think I caught up on my journal for the most part! :) Yay! One thing off my list for the day . . . . still lots to go!
Happy Friday everyone!
current mood:  good
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(comment on this)
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9:29 am
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Alright kids- I have the day off and I have a LIST of things that absolutely MUST get done. And updating my journal is one of them!!! So- I'm going to force myself to sit at this computer and write! :)
Chris meets the Parents
WAAAAAYYYY back at the end of April my parents came up for my cousins wedding in Portland. I spent a day with them driving up the coast and generally being touristy with them. It was so much fun! They met Chris for the first time that night. It actually went really well. Chris was definitely more nervous than I was, but everyone survived and that's one more important little piece of my life that they understand. I started a LONG entry on this trip awhile ago- and just barely finished it last night and made it public this morning. So if for some reason you are super bored and want to read a long detailed entry of my life: http://www.livejournal.com/users/yoko/159264.html#cutid1
California and back
My roommate from California- Amy- got married on May 15, 2004. Crazy. She was one of my most favoritest roommates EVER! We got along so well. She is one of the reasons I miss living in California the most.
I wasn't totally sure if I was going to be able to go to the wedding. I had already taken lots of time off work and I wasn't sure Gary was going to give me another weekend off and I didn't know if I would have the money for it. So- I finally bought a plane ticket- the day before I flew out! LOL. I actually got a really great price for a plane ticket and rental car- all of it for under $300, which was amazing considering I booked it the day before!
( weddings, friends and my little brother . . . )
This entry turned out much longer than I ever planned it to be- I think I'll have to make the rest of my life updates in separate entries so not to overwhelm anyone! :)
current mood: happy
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 29th, 2004
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9:57 am
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Just a little note to my unofficial "twin" and one of my best friends in the world! Love you girl!!! :)
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| Friday, May 28th, 2004
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11:44 pm
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I have a pile of projects I could be working on. Instead I folded laundry and watched a movie tonight. How lame does that sound for a Friday night? Lame. LOL. Oh well.
Chris had a BBQ to go to for one of his co-workers and since I have tomorrow night and the rest of the weekend off, it wasn't a big deal that we do something tonight. We are either going camping on Sun & Mon or going to see some friends in Seattle. Either would be nice.
I feel very alone tonight. All of my friends are working or gone for the weekend. I don't spend many nights by myself really. Usually I'm working and then spend the rest of the evening with Chris. Sometimes I feel like we are an old married couple. He works on his computer and I read or do the crossword. Sometimes I make cookies and he'll sometimes bring me ice cream in bed.
I wanted to call people tonight, but didn't really have the energy to talk.
My thoughts are extremely disjointed. I'm realizing that I'm thinking all over the place and just writing down random bits of it all.
I really need to make good money tomorrow.
I'm done with laundry and tv for tonight. I might read the rest of my book or I might just go to sleep. Both sound very appealing.
Goodnight.
current mood:  tired
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2:04 pm
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I'm so frustrated.
1- My hormones are very up and down. I hate feeling that my own emotions are unpredicatable.
2- I work with stupid, selfish people and I REALLY get tired of it.
I had one lady totally swear at me and get angry at me because I told her we didn't take checks. Obviously one of our bartenders takes checks on a regular basis, even though it's a policy we don't. And- no one bothers to do anything about it, management just lets him do it and then when the rest of us turn around and tell a guest no, we get their whiny crap thrown back in our faces and usually a bad tip because of it.
Another guy I work with parties WAY too much. Fine- if that's what he wants to do with his life and his money- that's his business, but don't come into work and start complaining to all of us that you need to work extra hours, you need the extra tables, etc, etc, etc, because you need the money because you obviously haven't figured it out yet. All of us need money- lots of us for much more important reasons than trying to pay for bar tabs.
Our hostess this morning is stupid. She drives me crazy. I was supposed to have 20-30 people in a banquet this morning. 13 showed up. Nice. I told her I wanted to take more tables, she sat me another one. Good. I cash everyone in the banquet out and then go ask why I don't have any more tables- she stupidly replies "Oh yeah- I forgot you were taking tables too . . ." Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. So I had my small banquet and one other table, while everyone else continues to be busy. Do you think I get up in the morning and work my ass off so I can barely make any tips? Ugh- I really hate working with her most days.
3- I'm tired. I should have gone to bed earlier last night- and that's my own fault. But I was actually having a good day and it was easier to enjoy how happy I was feeling while I was awake.
4- I honestly don't know if I'll be able to make rent. It's kinda freaking me out.
In GOOD NEWS . . .
While turning the corner to come home from work today, there was a momma duck and about 5-6 little ducklings crossing the street. Everyone stopped on both sides of the road to make sure they crossed safely. It was so cute and I'm glad to see that people were patient and understanding. That actually made me smile. :)
current mood:  frustrated
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| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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11:04 am
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I haven't written in a long time. And I have lots to write about.
* My parents trip up here and them meeting Chris.
* My trip to California for an old roommates wedding.
* The general craziness of my life these days. :)
I just got home to put on my work clothes from Chris' house. I'm so poor and yet I don't want to work at all. Oh well- off I go.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 21st, 2004
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6:27 am
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