| Recent Entries |
| | Jun. 10th, 2004 @ 04:52 pm |
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just sitting here thinking about so many things.
what I want in life.. what I want in my friends.. what I need to do myself for myself.
what i want in a potential lady..
its all so simple .. yet complicated..
I just want it all to be genuine.
I want to smile.. laugh.. enjoy the stars.. live my life.. I want to be held.. never broken..
although.. the cracks that reside in our hearts are the lines that bind us..
take in the air.. enjoy the rain.. and sleep peacefully every night.
Send me an angel. |
| and again.. saturday sun.. has turned to friday's rain | Jun. 10th, 2004 @ 09:16 am |
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saturday sun came early one morning.. and the sky so clear and blue.. saturday sun.. came w/out warning.. so no knew what to do..
saturday sun.. wrote people faces.. but didnt see much in their day.. when I remember.. those people in places.. they were really too good in their way.. in their way.. in their way..
Saturday sun.. won't come and see me today.
It's always nice to be up at 9:18am listening to nick drake...
wondering why I'm sitting here w/out someone by my side..
I miss being loved.Current Mood:  calm Current Music: Nick drake...... |
| Im rich.. like a hot noise.. | Jun. 8th, 2004 @ 02:33 am |
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just sittin here.. w/the pink sweatered girl. Having some MGD.. watching Captain Morgan being chugged...
wearing my emo wrist band..
I plan on drinking myself into an oblivion.
Whats wrong w/drinking..
nothing.
whats so right.. is someone who can laugh w/me and my friends.. and see me for who I am.. and love me for it.
Dimples.. pink sweaters.. rams horn.. purses w/cherries on them.
God. oh fuck yes.
I am right where I belong.
neighbors showing up at 2:47am .. w/popsicles because their freezer is broken.. weird.. and even ringing the doorbell.
everyone needs to listen to autechre.. is so insane.
anyway.
goodnight. me and MGD have a date w/the night.Current Mood:  drunk Current Music: Autechre: bronchus 2 |
| she hides because she don't know nothing anymore.. | Jun. 5th, 2004 @ 10:26 pm |
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So whats up everyone. I have had a pretty eventful weekend.
Right now Im sitting here smelling like ass.. contemplating when Im going to take a shower.
It's weird being single still. There is potential in a few areas.. but I'm just taking it all for what its worth. I don't want to fall.. and fall hard.. and break.
I'll wait a lil more to see where everything takes me.. and where other peoples emotions go... and what they bring..
Will someone fall in love w/me..
Will I love someone..
I have no fucking clue..
All I know.. is right now.. I'm single.. sometimes lonely.. and my heart is still broken.. it's starting to feel better now though.
It's been nice being w/my brother and my friend anthony. I like being here. It's like I have a family. It does piss me off that my brother only really talks to me.. cause he thinks I can get him drugs or something cause of the people I know.
He can fuck off w/that..
I dunno.. I just want to be happy. and I am figuring out how to do that ...
sometimes I feel like a motherless child. |
| Its hard when your stuck upon the shelf | Jun. 3rd, 2004 @ 03:52 pm |
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Sitting here alone has its ups and downs. It's ups.. is there is no one to break my heart here. There is no one to cut me and demand my wallet.
There is no one here to claim I have weapons of mass destruction.
There is just a honeywell air purifier.. a louis armstrong that sings when u push his button.. and a thinker statue.
But now.. I am alone. My studded belt is ever so snug around my waist.
My eyes are probably blue as ever.
It's almost like I have ruins upon ruins of eroded pain inside my heart. And there is no way to bring it all back to sea level.
Salvador Dali prints.. glass heads.. not even jimi hendrix could change me.. my name isnt joe.. I'm not going to shoot my lady down. I DONT EVEN HAVE A LADY!
I don't even know if I want to go outside and see if there is still a world alive and moving out there yet. I am pretty content w/my music.. my legs indian style.. and my hair all fucked up.
I wish I was a totally different person.. in a totally different world sometimes. Like I was a peasant on the italian countryside. Smelling the olive fields.. the fresh air.. the genuine love for life.
I am myself.. like you some how.
I love myself. I do. I am me.. and I do the best I can to keep me .. me. I know I have lots of hurts and pain. But. that's me.
I thrive on love.. emotion.. heartfelt conversations.. and good company.
Would someone like to whisk me away to an enchanting place.
If you would like to.. .please.. tell me.Current Mood:  lonely Current Music: Pearl Jam; Immortality |
| » Jimmy was a regulator.. he could regulate a regulator part 2 |
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so.. I am totally un-involved w/anyone.
And its weird. It's always weird when I'm totally alone.
I need to take my time though. And I need to find someone who feels for me.
Feelings grow. and take time.
I think I just need to find the right girl.
I know I'll find her sometime.
She'll come along eventually.
Maybe shes right in front of me and I don't even know it.
We'll see...
Atleast I have my friends.. and my brother.
Jun. 1st, 2004 @ 09:53 pm
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| » its the year to be hated.. so glad that we made it. |
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I still feel incomplete.
I was thinking about all the things that I don't have.
How I'm just a 23 yr old. .. w/a rusted out truck.. no degree.. an ok job.. no family really.. I don't have any expensive or worth to anyone else things...
I just felt really .. well.. empty I think.
I want to be looked at as something that people want to be..
I have a few really good friends. I live w/my brother and my best friend.
That is nice.. its just weird.
I sleep in the basement.. its not so bad down here.. but.. I dunno.
When I feel like this..
I want to go to one of my favorite bands' concerts.. and fucking rock out.. let loose all my energy.. and just get insane..
maybe I'll see if anyones going to the club tonight.. I feel like letting loose some fucking energy..
I feel like getting insanely drunk.. and just dancing.. and getting fucking crazy.
Will it make me feel better. probably not.. will it make me smile. probably not..
But atleast Ill have fun for a few hours....
Damnit. Why cant my parents have been together.. and been like a normal family.. gotten me a nice car.. sent me off to college.. and me have graduated.. and be in a nice job right now.
Instead Im 24 in december.. and Im starting college shit all over again. I need to get my fafsa done..
I'll do that this weekend.
I have so many reasons to be happy.. but.. as Kristen says..
I'm just too fucking emo...
May. 27th, 2004 @ 12:27 pm
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| » THE CURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 |
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THE CURE
INTERPOL
THE RAPTURE
MOGWAI
WITH MUSE,
COOPER TEMPLE CLAUSE
MELISSA AUF DE MAUR
CURSIVE
HEAD AUTOMATICA AND
THURSDAY ON THE SECOND STAGE...
May. 21st, 2004 @ 11:14 pm
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| » weird |
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lets just say tonight was a weird night. but it was fun. I went over my friend shannons and dragged her out of her house. She lost her job a while ago.. and I decided to make her come w/me to ram's horn. Which is kind of a 24hr diner place.. for those who dont know.
We talked.. caught up.. it was relaxing.
Im glad she's my friend. There aren't many people who can say they have people in their life .. that have been there since they were young.
I am pretty bored right now. but since I got 3 hrs of sleep last night.. I think I will pass out.
Goodnight everyone
May. 17th, 2004 @ 02:16 am
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| » Im the bone machine |
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man I look oh so studly w/my hair cut..
The pixies seem to think so.. oh well.. maybe Im just a lost cause..
But I have a heart of gold and an un-plastic smile.
Sometimes I smell a little bit..
But then I shower and I feel wonderfully saucy.
Show me some love....
Hold my bones.....
May. 15th, 2004 @ 01:10 pm
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| » its late.. |
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wild eyed.. crazy mary...
I am happy to say.. Im going to bed now.
tomorrow will be a good day.
take a bottle.. drink it down.. pass it around
May. 15th, 2004 @ 02:35 am
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| » they dont love you like I love you..... |
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my x just called me and told me she still loved me. Why can't she just tell me she hates me.. I would so prefer.. then for her to try and help regress me into a sad state.. of thinking when I had someones arms around me...
oh say say say..
wait.. they dont love you like I love you..
God Karen.. you are so hot. Please be my girlfriend lol. Karen from the yeah yeah yeahs.. shes amazing.
Oh star.. oh star.. its day time star.. I just wanna see u for a second.. so i can wish on you..
FIND ME SOMEONE NICE!!!!!!!!!
In anothers words about me.. "maybe u are too emo for your own good"
May. 14th, 2004 @ 11:49 am
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| » sad... |
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hey everyone. Im just sitting here listening to miles davis at 3am. Fucking hating being alone.
Damnit.. why do I have such a hard time finding someone.. and even if I do find someone.. I have a hard time showing my heart to them.. I am scared I'll get broken in 2 again.
Im 23.. almost 23 and a half.
Will I ever love again?
Will I ever be truly happy again?
I don't know. All I know is I need to go out more now. I need to hang out w/people and get out into this world.
All I hear is miles blasting away on his trumpet.
Dreaming of looking in a ladies eyes. One that I love. I will find her someday.
And we are dancing.. under the stars.. she's in a red dress.. w/her hair up.. diamond earings.. a gem on collar bone.
And shes staring in my eyes....
And I smell her perfume.. the sweet smell of roses blooming..
Fuck. Im crying.
I'm sorry.. everyone.. I just need some tlc right now. Been going through a lot lately. I dunno.
Well
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I'm gonna go listen to Miles a little more..
You all dream your dreams.. and find your loves..
And remember.. theres a Johnathan out there.. who just wants to make someone smile.
Have a wonderful night all...
May. 14th, 2004 @ 03:12 am
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| » sad... |
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hey everyone. Im just sitting here listening to miles davis at 3am. Fucking hating being alone.
Damnit.. why do I have such a hard time finding someone.. and even if I do find someone.. I have a hard time showing my heart to them.. I am scared I'll get broken in 2 again.
Im 23.. almost 23 and a half.
Will I ever love again?
Will I ever be truly happy again?
I don't know. All I know is I need to go out more now. I need to hang out w/people and get out into this world.
All I hear is miles blasting away on his trumpet.
Dreaming of looking in a ladies eyes. One that I love. I will find her someday.
And we are dancing.. under the stars.. she's in a red dress.. w/her hair up.. diamond earings.. a gem on collar bone.
And shes staring in my eyes....
And I smell her perfume.. the sweet smell of roses blooming..
Fuck. Im crying.
I'm sorry.. everyone.. I just need some tlc right now. Been going through a lot lately. I dunno.
Well
...
I'm gonna go listen to Miles a little more..
You all dream your dreams.. and find your loves..
And remember.. theres a Johnathan out there.. who just wants to make someone smile.
Have a wonderful night all...
May. 14th, 2004 @ 02:58 am
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| » just one thing to say.. |
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the only band who I think I can even respect for covering the cure is Dinosaur Jr.
May. 12th, 2004 @ 01:38 am
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| » Tell me all of your secrets..... |
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Well.. its 10:22.. and Im rocking to some fucking billy corgan.
I so want some one over here to chill... just to hang out with.. plus Im hungry as hell.
Someone cool.. call me.. and come chill.. and bring some good food lol
May. 11th, 2004 @ 10:20 pm
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| » dashboard confessional |
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I am totally upset.. I am going to see dashboard confessional.. and I have no one to go with me.. I am sitting pavilion at DTE.. concert is next thursday at 6:30.. may 20th.. someone.. go w/me..
May. 11th, 2004 @ 03:44 pm
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| » insomnia |
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half awake.. its 6:48.. am.. not used to sleeping here yet. the faint hum of the honeywell air purifier creates my "fan while Im sleeping" addiction. I don't know why I cant sleep. My friends X.. or.. my friend.. or my friends love of his life.. is upstairs.. heard footsteps.. woke up.. went up to see who it was.. talked for 40mins.. smoked a cigarette or 2.. been wanting one for some reason lately.. and she was smoking..
Half asleep.. but was a good conversation..
she was up there.. reading.. smoking.. sipping on some triple sec at 5am.. weird.. but.. who cares right?
anyway.. Im gonna try and sleep again....
May. 11th, 2004 @ 06:47 am
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| » the rain felt real |
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before.. me my brother and my friend anthony.. ran outside in the storm. W/no shoes of course.. and shorts.. it was already dark..
I ran on the wet grass.. up and down a hill.. jumped in HUGE puddles.. got each other soakin wet.. I felt like a little kid again.. it made me so happy.
Now Im layin down.. alone.. wishin someone was here w/me.. cuddling.. oh well.. maybe some day.........
May. 11th, 2004 @ 01:59 am
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| » just some words... |
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its hard when..your stuck upon the shelf.. I change,, but Im not changing at all.. small town predicts my fait..
perhaps thats what no one wants to see.
I just want scream hello
By god.. its been so long.. never dreamed youd return..
but now here you are..
and here i am....
Hearts and thoughts they fade away..........................
May. 10th, 2004 @ 10:34 pm
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